The Stalag 13 Gazette
.
SPECIAL EDITION
Now announcing the winners of the Papa Bear Awards!
The Winning Teasers and Quotes
.
The Most Tickling Teasers
.
Gold:
A touching romance between a simple man and the plastic explosive that loved him.
Silent Explosions
by 80sarcades
.
Silver:
Ever hear the one about the two nuns who walk into a bar?
Sister Carter and Sister Newkirk
by Canadian Hogan's Fan
Why was the mess kitchen blown up?
Well, that depends - who's asking?
Volatile
by dust on the wind
.
Bronze:
Newkirk shot her, LeBeau is angry and possibly upset, Carter is kinda sad, Kinch is dumbfounded,
and Hogan demands to know who "she" is.
An Unfortunate Victim of Circumstances
by Belphegor
Murphy's law was not formulated until several years after ww2.
However, as with all laws of nature, that doesn't mean it wasn't in effect before that.
As Hogan is bound to find out...
Murphy's Law
by konarciq
.
The Best Quotes
.
Gold:
"And if an elephant turns up, Kinch will alert us before it comes,
the colonel will come up with a plan to get rid of it, Newkirk will pick its pockets and I'll cook it in a ragoût.
I wonder which wine goes with elephant meat…"
Said by: LeBeau
in Carter's Elephant
by Belphegor
Experience had told Hogan
that Newkirk and LeBeau in a mood were an international incident waiting to happen.
Said by: narrator
in An Unfortunate Victim of Circumstances
by Belphegor
"Unfortunately, Colonel Hogan is only a human. He has many admirable qualities, but...
I'm afraid he'll never be able to think like a dog."
Said by: Wolfgang
in A POW's Best Friend
by Sgt. Moffitt
.
Silver:
"Here Peter," Kinch said as he came forward with a plate of fries.
"Have some. The one and only time LeBeau will make something that is both French, English, and pronounceable."
Said by: Kinch
in New Year's Eve
by Fear-Of-The-Cold
"I still don't understand why the Gestapo would do such a thing. I've always been completely loyal. Why should they try to kill me?"
"Maybe they just need the practice."
Said by: Klink and Hogan
in The Case of the Leidenbach Instrument
by dust on the wind
McBride had found himself liking Kinchloe almost instantaneously. There was a man who understood and appreciated the value of silence
– which, for a man whose main job was communication, was rather ironic.
Said by: narrator
in Into the Woods
by Belphegor
"Rapid Aging Syndrome? What on earth is that?"
"I read about it in last month's 'Zeitschrift der Medizin Wikipädie'."
"A most unreliable reference! You might as well quote from 'Medizin für Dummköpfe'."
Said by: Dr. Pfeffer and Dr. Seuss
in A POW's Best Friend
by Sgt. Moffitt
.
Bronze:
"The Gestapo aren't known for being nice, but gees, you don't have to be so insulting.
I'm not an officer, I'm an NCO. I work for a living!"
Said by: Carter
in What's in a Rank?
by Jennaya
.
PTO for the Golden Oldies!