.
Hard to Remember, Impossible to Forget
Chapter Thirty-Five
"So how does it feel to be engaged?"
"You do know that it's not my first time," Damon answered his therapist.
"But I also know being engaged to Elena is completely different than being engaged to Katherine. The circumstances are completely different," Rebekah offered.
"And still both were far from romantic and simple," he added quietly.
"Care to elaborate on that," she asked softly.
"I knew from the beginning that Katherine didn't love me. The main reason why she was with me was so our fathers' businesses would be merged. She liked me, I have no doubts about it, but Katherine wasn't capable of love. Not because she didn't have the capability, but because she spent over fifteen years reprimanding it. She didn't let anyone in her heart. Her mother's death had been difficult for her, and I think she created a defense mechanism because of it. She knew she would continue to lose people, because that's life's natural course, but if she didn't love them or she wasn't emotionally connected to them, it would be easier," Damon explained while the blonde took notes.
"And still you agreed to marry her?"
"At first I thought I would be able to change her, but lately, I think I just loved her. I was completely in love with her, and I hoped we could have what my parents had, even if she didn't allow herself to completely fall for me," he continued, as he reminded himself what his life with Katherine used to be like.
"And having what they had was that important for you that you would marry a woman who would never love you back? But as long as you had what Giuseppe and Cecilia had, it was okay?" she questioned.
"Yes. You know how happy they were. I've never seen a couple like my parents. They were perfect together. Any sane person would want that," he answered defensively.
"But how could you have that if she didn't love you like your mother loved your father?"
"It wasn't entirely about love, though love played a big part in what they had. It was their commitment and devotion to one another and there wasn't anyone more important for them than each other. They were there for each other all the time, regardless of the situation, and what it entailed. They could count on each other, they were more than lovers and partners. They were a team, they were one," Damon offered, tearing up slightly.
"And you could see Katherine offering that kind of commitment and devotion?"
"Yes, she was somewhat cold, but she was faithful and genuine. She never openly talked about her initial reasons for being with me, but she made sure they were there. She knew I was in love with her, and she made it clear, one way or the other, that she would never love me like that. She even let it show that she wanted the companies to be merged. I offered her an out, but she didn't take it. I said we could make the merge without us being together, but she wanted to be with me. I think she was fighting with herself at that point. She was developing feelings for me, but she couldn't have them. That was the last proof for me to believe that at some point we would have what my parents had," Damon talked sweetly about the woman he loved for almost two years. She had been the first woman he actually loved, and he would have her dearly in his heart forever.
"And how does it feel to be engaged to Elena? Do you think you could have the same kind of relationship with her? Or are you not obsessed with having what your parents had anymore?"
"I was never obsessed," he protested.
"You know I call things as I see them. I don't like to beat around the bush, Damon. I can't imagine another reason for a person to submit themselves into a relationship like that because they have hope that said relationship would be what they've been idealizing their whole life. You created an ideal in your head, and you wouldn't have anything different from what your parents had. Clinically speaking, that's an obsession," she explained softly. She didn't want to sound offensive, and she wasn't judging his actions. Just analyzing them.
"No need to be so crude," he complained, but he wasn't hurt or offended.
"No need to be a prude," she smirked.
"I wanted to have someone. But I didn't want to have something ordinary or jump from one marriage to another. I wanted something solid, I wanted someone to literally share a life with, not just share a house and assets," he added.
"And how does it feel with Elena?" she prompted, ignoring his defense about his behavior.
"It feels… good," he answered after a couple of seconds of contemplation.
"Good? After all the heartbreaking you went through because of this one woman, I thought the adjective would come from a higher order," she answered playfully.
"I finally have what they had, but I understood it all wrong," Damon offered a smile that said more than a thousand words.
"More details please," she asked genuinely curious.
"I always thought what my parents had was something more than extraordinary. It was something that couldn't be even properly described. It seemed something so big and special, that I could only relate words such as amazing, magnificent, perfect, but I was completely wrong," his grin only grew bigger, and she hadn't seen Damon at peace like that in many years.
"How so?"
"It doesn't have to be a lot of things. It needs to be just one thing. It needs to be right. That's how I feel about Elena, and I'm sure that's what my parents had. Everything about her seems to complete me. I know I can count on her, even if she's too young for some things, and definitely inexperienced. But even through her mistakes, she has one priority in her life and that's the same priority I have. She wants to make me happy, and I want to make her happy. It doesn't matter what it demands. She wants to help me, to be there for me, to love me, to comfort me, to motivate me, to build and share things with me. And I feel the same way about her. And when you feel this way about someone, and they feel the same way about you, what you have is simply and plainly good. Good is a great word, good is the summary of everything we need. There will be sad and happy moments, easy and hard moments, and even painful and joyful moments, but if you have the right person with you, it's okay. It's good. I've always thought extraordinary was the word that came closer to define my parents' life, but they were good together. They were ordinarily in love with one another, through the small and the big things. They were right for each other. And they were good for one another. And the final result of it all was that it feels good," he concluded, and Rebekah was dumbstruck for a few moments. That was one of the most beautiful, brilliant and deep insights any of her patients ever had.
"I think our work here is done," she said, and Damon actually tilted his head to look to the clock on one of the walls.
"But we still have over twenty minutes left," he frowned slightly.
"No, I mean therapy, we're done with therapy," she smiled contently at her patient, who was much more to her than just that.
"I thought I had some daddy issues, mommy issues, loss issues, and definitely girl issues" he joked, smiling.
"You were very impacted and affected by losing the two most important people in your life, Damon. As I said, you were obsessed with their relationship, and consequently they were much more important to you than parents usually are to their children. We could investigate the reason to that obsession, and try to treat it, but I don't see a reason for it. It doesn't look harmful at this point, it's fairly inoffensive and I don't like to look for fur in eggs. If it's not bad to you, then it doesn't have to be treated. You found more than something good, you found peace to your heart. You're an adult, and you know what losing a parent entails. You never had problems with the losses themselves, but with the holes your mother and your father left in your heart. The parental hole will never be filled again, but Elena has filled the reference hole in your heart. You're not looking for it anymore, because you already found it. The reason why you were so off the rails for the past few months was because subconsciously you were afraid of losing what you spent a lifetime looking for. You were terrified of losing Elena, the same way you were about losing Giuseppe. But Giuseppe was fighting a battle that wasn't totally up to him or to you. He had a physical condition, and he hadn't been able to overcome it. Your fear about Elena didn't involve any natural threat. She's healthy, but she wasn't yours yet. At least not entirely or not officially and you needed the reassurance of a bigger commitment to feel confident about really having her. Once she agreed to marry you, that fear went away, and you were set free. You found love, you found acceptance, you found that kind of commitment you were looking for, but the most important thing you found was peace. Being reassured of her presence and support is enough for you to deal with losing Giuseppe, and it's given you time to accept it. We already worked in the guilt element, and now it's just a natural and normal process of grief and loss," the psychologist explained, and Damon was impressed by how important Elena had become to him. He already felt like that, but when someone rationally explained it, and put into words like Rebekah did, it made it all clearer.
"So you're saying I'm released?"
"That's exactly what I'm saying," she offered him a big smile, "but therapy is something helpful. You don't need to look for help only when things are so strained, and complicated that you might lose it. Some people do therapy their whole lives, and it makes it easier to deal with harder moments when they come around," she completed, but she already knew his view on permanent therapy.
"I might do that," he offered, taking her by surprise.
"Permanent therapy?" she asked to confirm.
"Do you think once a month is enough?" he asked, and she only nodded, absolutely shocked. He hated to expose himself like that. He hated talking about his feelings, although he made a lot of progress on it since they started. Maybe Elena reassured Damon in more levels than she initially assumed.
"Well as I'm already all fixed and healed, I might go back to my family," he said, standing from the chase.
"Send kisses and hugs to Elena and Gabi for me," Rebekah said still surprised by his natural reaction.
"My pleasure," he smiled, hugging her, and then leaving.
Damon arrived home knowing it would take another hour for his fiancée to be there too. In addition to leaving Rebekah's office earlier than expected, Elena also stayed longer at the campus on Tuesdays. Something changed between them since last weekend. Actually if he was careful, something seemed to have changed over the past week. Their engagement was the highlight, but definitely not the only good thing. It was as if it had been a consequence of some invisible change he couldn't point his finger at. He knew he was making progress with Rebekah. She had helped him a lot, especially with his father's death. He had finally been able to let the guilt go, even if he somewhat worsened Giuseppe condition, it had been indirectly and involuntary. There was also the very reliable chance of his departure having no influence in his father's first stroke. He was already happy with that burden being removed from his shoulders, but when Rebekah concluded he was done with therapy he was really excited. She explained that he wasn't sick or crazy, he was just emotionally unstable because there were a lot of emotions he was hiding instead of facing and dealing with. She had told him at the occasion that once she realized he had found his balance, he would be released. Of course he didn't expect it to happen within just a month, although he had had over ten meetings with the psychologist in that period. Still he expected to be a lot more damaged. And maybe he really was, but it seemed like all his heart needed was Elena by his side. While she had been there for him for the past seven months he was afraid their differences would eventually pull them apart. But she had agreed to be his wife. She had almost proposed. He thought it was odd for her to accept so much jewelry from her father, but she later admitted asking him to give her a piece so she could ask for the safe's password. He didn't know how she guessed he kept her ring there. Maybe she looked in all the obvious – and unlocked – places at their bedroom, and concluded he decided to keep it in the safe.
He was also surprised by the clerical people who came to Gabriel's party. He expected something very differently from her church's people, especially her pastors. But they all seemed like nice people, and definitely not as rigid as he expected them to be based on Elena's behavior. It was a nice surprise, and as he entered the den, and saw Stefan and Gabriel playing, he decided to dig for further information about them.
"Hey Buddy!" Damon made his presence known, and his son didn't waste a second before jumping from his seat, and doing his best to run to his father. Gabriel had been walking for over a month already, but his steps were still uncertain, and he would have fallen if Damon hadn't moved faster to take him in his arms.
"Daddy!" the toddler excitedly greeted.
"Is it already seven?" Stefan frowned slightly, looking at his watch.
"Rebekah released me," Damon said walking with a babbling Gabriel in his arms.
"Released as in for good released?" Stefan asked. Damon didn't keep his therapy a secret the second time around. Unlike the first time he went to Rebekah, Stefan, Caroline, John, Rose, and even Isobel knew about it.
"Yep," he answered, joining Stefan on the rug.
"I'm happy for you brother," the blond offered with a sincere smile.
"It really helped me. Rebekah may be a bitch, and annoying, but she's good at her job," Damon smirked.
"She's not that bad," Stefan chuckled, and both adults turned their attention to Gabriel that was bothered by not being part of the conversation.
"Daddy!" he yelled irritated.
"Yes, Gabi, I'm here," he said to the boy, tickling him in the stomach.
"He's so cute, but he's growing very fast," the younger brother commentated.
"Good thing we have a new baby meeting the family in three months," Damon added as he took a toy from the floor, and started playing with Gabriel.
"It'll be nice to have another kid in the house," Stefan said contemplatively.
"How about you?" Damon said, as he helped Gabriel to put the pieces together in his puzzle-style toy.
"What about me?"
"When are you going to start your own brood?" Damon asked.
"How about after I get married? I'm not the engaged brother," Stefan offered playfully.
"Still the engaged brother is already a father of one, and has another on the way. I never understood why you haven't proposed yet. You and Caroline have been together for what? Four years already?" the CEO asked, and then turned to his son to celebrate his achievement putting all the pieces in their holes.
"Almost," Stefan said quietly.
"And why haven't you proposed yet? I know Blondie must have been asking the same question, I'm sure she already complained," Damon offered.
"Actually we decided to move in together," Stefan answered, and Damon looked from his son to his brother.
"Really? When?"
"A couple of weeks ago, but we're still talking about the details," Stefan explained.
"What kind of details? She has a large and beautiful house. Does she want to move out?" the raven-haired man asked, turning his attention back to his demanding son.
"Actually, I was going to talk to you first, but you've been busy these past few weeks with the company, and the therapy and the party," his brother answered, and Damon frowned slightly.
"Talk to me about what?"
"I actually want Caroline to move in here," Stefan said quietly. He knew their living conditions weren't the ideal, especially if he and Caroline wanted to start a new life together. But he didn't want to leave Damon, Elena and the kids. He was already very attached to Gabriel, and he knew he would become as much attached to his niece when she was born. It wasn't like Caroline hasn't slept at the house many times before. There were weeks when she slept more there than at her own house. His girlfriend didn't mind, actually she really enjoyed spending time in the house. They weren't sure if they wanted to get married or not someday. Neither of them thought it was absolutely necessary, though he knew that was what his father and mother would have wanted.
"And why do you have to talk to me first? This is your house as much as it mine. Elena and Gabriel have been living here for ten months. I have no saying if you decide to invite Caroline to live here to," Damon questioned, shaking his head slightly.
"I'm not asking for your authorization, or approval. I'm just asking for your advice or opinion, because although the house isn't only yours, your family lives here to," Stefan clarified, but his brother still thought it was nonsense.
"And you and Blondie are my family as much as Elena, Gabriel, and the new baby are," Damon said matter-of-factly.
"I know, but we don't want to give you and Elena any more problems," the blond offered.
"And what problem could you and Blondie give us? Our bedrooms are well distanced from one another. If Blondie is loud, it's not enough to make it to my bedroom, and as far as I can say you aren't into kitchen sex, or pool sex, or library sex," Damon joked, and Stefan actually laughed at his brother's joke.
"Things between you and Elena weren't that great. At least they weren't until Saturday," Stefan said quietly. He knew Damon well enough to know his brother wouldn't want to go into a heart-to-heart about his relationship with his fiancée.
"Thanks for the consideration, but whatever problems Elena and I may have, it shouldn't influence your life like that, Stef. Call Blondie, ask her to bring her things over. Or the rest of it, I'm sure at least 50% of your closet is already hers," Damon winked, and once again Gabriel demanded attention, showing his father the plastic animals he was holding.
"Maybe 30%," Stefan chucked.
Both brothers turned their attention to the toddler, and after a few minutes an idea crossed Stefan's mind, and it actually terrorized him slightly.
"Did you and Elena already set up a date?" he asked.
"Not yet, we were going to talk about the actual wedding yesterday, but she was too tired. She's been overexerting herself with college, and taking care of every little detail of Gabriel's party didn't do her any favors,"
"She's still small, but I heard pregnant women at her stage get really worn out because of the pregnancy," his brother offered, and Damon only nodded.
"Yes, but you know Elena. Once her mind is set on something, there's no coming back or convincing her. She'll stick with it until the end," Damon said with a serious voice. He was really growing worried about her, but she was going to be on vacation from Columbia in a couple of weeks. At least then she would rest.
"But are you guys thinking about a short or long engagement?"
"We haven't talked about that yet, but I'm under the impression she wants a short engagement, maybe only waiting until the baby is born. But again we haven't talked about it yet," Damon said, before congratulating Gabriel for putting together yet another puzzle toy.
"And will you move out when you get married?" Stefan asked, and Damon realized how his brother avoided looking at him when he asked. His brother was a terrible actor, and trying to act nonchalant, he actually made it all that clear that something about his plans for the future bothered his brother.
"I don't know. We really didn't have a chance to talk about it yet. What is it, Stef? I know there's something bothering you," the older Salvatore questioned, and Stefan knew better than trying to lie to Damon.
"I like the Italian way of living," Stefan offered almost shyly.
"You mean the big house with everyone living together?" Damon asked. Most families didn't live like that anymore, not even in Italy, but the ones who liked to keep traditions still did it. Actually some of their family in Italy still lived that way.
"Yeah, but I can totally understand if you and Elena want to have your own place," he completed, while Gabriel handed him a bird.
"As I told you, we haven't talked about it yet. I don't have this big dream of having my own house, and my own place. I don't even know what Elena wants, but I don't think she would mind. We already skipped, and changed a lot of the steps in this relationship. Buying and decorating a house probably isn't her priority," Damon offered, taking the fish Gabriel was offering him.
"But I don't want you to stay because of me. It's not like you're getting married tomorrow, so until you organize the wedding we still have time," he said, taking now a cat from his nephew, who continued distributing his animals between his father and uncle.
"Elena loves having you and Caroline around. She even dragged you to the church with her," Damon said subtly, but intentionally, changing the subject to what he wanted to talk. He wouldn't openly and directly ask questions about the church, but he was curious to know how it worked, as the people who came to Gabriel's party really gave him a different idea from what he imagined.
"I actually enjoyed going there, Damon. She didn't drag me. She invited me, and I decided to give it a shot. It worked for me just like therapy worked for you. It helped me, and that's why I stayed," Stefan explained, and his brother only nodded.
"How did it help you?"
"I don't know. I found peace, I guess? It's comforting knowing that mom and dad are in a better place, and I like the idea of thinking that's where I'm headed too when I leave this world," the younger brother explained as he turned his attention to Gabriel. He couldn't look at his brother as he admitted things like that. Especially because he knew how judgmental Damon was about religion.
"That's touching, morbid, depressing and cheesy altogether, Stef," his brother mocked, smirking a little.
"But it's also true. At least for me. It's good to have something to look forward to after death," Stefan shrugged, trying to partially cover up what he thought about it.
"So you're going to church because you've been constantly thinking about your death? Maybe you should pay Bex a visit too," Damon joked, also trying to cover his inner intentions with that conversation.
"You may think it's funny, and nonsense, but it really helped me," Stefan said more seriously, and he actually looked at his brother this time around.
"I don't think it's funny, Stef. It's just… I don't know… I haven't even formed an opinion about those things yet," the CEO said, helping his son with a more complicated puzzle.
"I didn't either, but then I went there, formed one, and made a decision," the younger brother said firmly, and it actually Damon.
"Just like that?" Damon raised his eyebrow, but his brother was finally realizing Damon was also covering something.
"Just like that. Why don't you go there to form your own opinions about it?"
"What if I think it sucks even more than I already do?" Damon turned to his brother, seriousness written all over his face.
"You won't know if you don't go," Stefan stated the obvious.
"You don't understand it. If I go, Elena may get her hopes up that I'm involved or that I want anything to do with religion. And if I really think that's not for me, she will be beyond disappointed. Things are finally getting better between us, and I don't want to lose it or even risk it," Damon admitted, and Stefan nodded in understanding.
As on cue, the girl entered the room just a minute later.
"Night, boys," she announced, dropping her bag on the couch.
"Momma!" Gabriel yelled excitedly, just like he did when his father arrived. The boy didn't speak a lot of words, but he already mastered speaking momma and daddy.
"Hey, Angel," she said trying to join them on the floor. Although her stomach wasn't that big yet, her legs were killing her, and felt like jelly under her. Damon was holding Gabriel because if he tried to run to Elena, she wouldn't be fast enough to catch him if he lost his balance, which he was probably going to. But before he moved Gabriel to the rug, Stefan stood up, and helped Elena sit down.
"Thanks, Stef," she said, sitting by her fiancé's side, and moving to peck him on the lips as soon as her body was resting against the rug. "Night, babe," she offered.
"Hey, honey, how was your day?" he asked, while Stefan motioned to leave, instead of sitting down again.
"Don't leave on my account, Stefan, it's not every day Gabi has all his family around him," she offered, and the blond didn't even present any resistance before joining the happy family of three. By this time Gabriel had already jumped into his mother's lap, and she was kissing, and squeezing his chubby cheeks.
"Actually the family is officially growing. At least the way the Salvatores got used to doing it now," Damon offered to Elena smirking.
"What? How?" Elena asked confused because she knew he didn't mean their baby.
"Baby bro invited Blondie to move in," Damon said, taking Gabriel from Elena, as he was already slapping her stomach which he seemed to love. He somehow noticed his mother was getting bigger and bigger in that area in the past couple of months, and he loved to hit her belly.
"That's great, Stefan, congratulations," Elena offered, hugging her soon to be brother-in-law.
"Thanks," he answered, breaking the hug quickly as Gabriel cried for his mother's attention.
"He misses you," Damon said soothing his son.
"Actually he's probably hungry. Did he already have dinner?" she asked, looking around expecting Pearl to appear from somewhere.
"I released Pearl when I arrived," Stefan offered, "She said he didn't eat yet because it was too early," he completed.
"I'll rest for five minutes, and will go prepare him something to eat," Elena offered, resting her head against her fiancé's shoulder.
"Pearl already cooked it," the younger brother offered.
"She's a lifesaver. But I can't wait for Rosa to be back from her vacation," the brunette said with her eyes closed, while Damon stroke her hair.
"But she just left yesterday," Damon smirked.
"And your glutton pregnant wife already misses her food," she whined while she stroke Gabriel's head, who was in his father's arms.
"Damon is actually an excellent cook," Stefan offered with a knowing smile on his face.
"Really? How come you never cooked for me?" she moved from his shoulder, replacing her body with her hand, slapping him.
"Thank you, baby brother," the older Salvatore answered sarcastically.
"I actually miss it myself, Damon," the blond shrugged, and his brother offered him a cynical smirk, "You little snake, you had an angle."
"Now you can't starve your pregnant fiancée, can you?" Stefan added innocently.
"No, I can't. As I was actually going to give her a massage, and I can't cook while doing it, you will take my place on it," Damon said smirking victoriously.
"My feet are really killing me," Elena offered to Stefan.
"I don't even know how to do a massage!" he protested, being honest about it.
"I know I'm the unflawed and resourceful brother here, but we can't allow our mommy-to-be to be in pain, can we?" Damon patted on his brother's shoulder.
"Okay, you win,"
"He's asleep," Elena offered, pointing to the toddler in his arms.
"I'll take him to the bedroom. Do you want me to start a bath for you?" Damon said standing up carefully not to wake Gabriel up.
"That would be great," she sighed.
"Okay," he leaned down to kiss her hair.
"Love you, babe," he offered.
"Love you, too, honey," she said as he walked away.
"I'll help you," Stefan offered, and Elena actually chuckled, thinking he was trying to find a way to escape his chore.
"Good, I'll give you the oil Elena likes the most," Damon smirked, while his brother followed.
"Actually I think I just have the perfect idea for what we were talking before she arrived," Stefan whispered as they took the stairs.
"Really? What is it?" Damon looked over his shoulder to see his fiancée leaning over the couch, while his brother started to tell him his plan.
Dinner had been a success. Elena moaned countless times about Damon's food, and his pants soon became too tight for his comfort. It was becoming harder and harder for him to resist her, but he did his best not to even think about sex. If he allowed his mind to wonder, he knew he wouldn't be able to control his body. Every time anything sexual crossed his mind, he tried to remember something gross.
As they had a late dinner, Elena and Damon headed straight to bed, while Stefan left to go see Caroline and share the news with her about her new house.
"So I was thinking…" Elena offered as they cuddled on their bed.
"Can anything good come out of it?" he mocked, and she actually slapped him on the chest playfully.
"Jerk," she hit him playfully.
"You know you love me," he kissed her hair, he loved doing that. She always smelled so amazing.
"Can I finish my sentence?" she said almost annoyed, but he wouldn't back off. She looked so cute when she was angry for those stupid things, and Meredith assured him this kind of irritation wouldn't bring any harm to their daughter.
"Of course, we don't want to waste what I'm sure are great ideas," he offered smirking.
"I should do the opposite, because you definitely don't deserve what I thought," she crossed her arms over her chest, and even pouted a little.
"Just to clear it up, you know sometimes it's hard for me, and Meredith didn't create the machine yet. Who did the thinking? You, the baby or the hormones?" he said trying to keep a serious face on, but barely being able to do so.
"You know what? I'm not talking to you anymore," she slid her body on the bed, moving from an almost sitting position to a completely lying one.
"You're so easy, honey," he said, kissing her hair again.
"Tell me, what is in that beautiful head of yours," he asked, when she didn't say anything after his last comment.
"I talked to Caroline earlier, and she said she can find a way to leave work earlier tomorrow. As you're Stefan and my mother's boss, and the CEO, I'm sure you can find a way to get all of you out of work too," she started, and she looked as cheerful as the blond she talked to earlier did. He had seen her like that a few times. She looked like a child on Christmas morning, and he loved it.
"So is your idea to keep the money from coming?" he couldn't resist teasing her a little bit more.
"Stop being an ass," she slapped him on the chest.
"Watch your mouth, Elena Gilbert," he said, moving his hand to rub her stomach. Not that he needed the excuse, he did it all the time when they were in bed.
"I want to get married," she turned to look at his eyes.
"I got that from the yes," he smirked.
"Tomorrow," she completed, and Damon was actually stunned.
"Come again?"
"I want us to go to City Hall or wherever people get married in New York, and get married," she said excitedly, and for a moment he thought someone traded his fiancée for another woman. Maybe it was a case of body possession?
"Where is that coming from?" he raised his eyebrow suspiciously.
"You were right, we already live as husband and wife, and I don't want to go another day torturing you," she said seriously, and that was more like the Elena he got used to in the past ten months.
"Torturing me with what? You made me the happiest man when you let me put that ring on your finger," he said, pulling her hair away from her face, looking at her with love written in his eyes. She loved when he looked at her like that, so devoted and in love.
"I know it's hard for you, Damon. And yeah, I'm talking about sex, but not in the way I used to talk about it before. I'm not judging you, I understand you, more than you can imagine," she said shyly, especially after she mentioned sex, but she wanted to have that conversation with him.
"Elena," he said carefully before moving to a complete sitting position on the bed, "I don't want you to give up on having a wedding ceremony because of it,"
"While I did want to marry you in a church, I know that it might not be what you really want," she followed his motions and rested her back on the headboard, by his side.
"I've always wanted to get married in a church, Elena, and it doesn't matter if yours a catholic…" he started but she cut him off.
"Damon, I want this situation between us to be right. We live together, we love each other, we have a son, and we have a daughter on the way. When she's born I want my name to be Elena Salvatore on her birth certificate. I wasn't kidding when is said I didn't want to wait anymore to be Elena Salvatore," she said dead serious, and Damon was even more taken aback by her reaction. He could now understand how she felt when from night to day he wanted not only to have a relationship with her, but to spend the rest of his life by her side. While it made him the happiest man to know she wanted to marry the following day, it also made him unsure. She turned two proposals down, and even if she basically proposed to herself, and finally said yes, it was too fast. It was too sudden, and instead of feeling as happy as he thought he would feel when they decided a date, he was feeling unsure.
"Do you have any idea what this entails?"
"Absolutely," she agreed without giving it a second thought.
"Elena, I don't want you to give up on your big day because of me, my needs, or to fix whatever is wrong in our relationship," he ran a hand through his hair, and she knew he did that when he was nervous, or feeling uncomfortable.
"There's nothing wrong in our relationship except that I'm not your wife yet," she tried to reassure him, and to be honest she didn't expect him to react like that at all. She thought he would jump at her idea immediately. She had assumed a religious ceremony was never in his plans with Katherine, and she didn't want him to go through with it just for her sake. Also she thought he would love the idea, as he was the one wanting to rush things between them since they'd first gotten together.
"Don't get me wrong, I'm all for it, but where did it come from? One week ago you didn't want to say yes to the proposal," he voiced his fears. They had learned a long time ago to tell each other everything they felt and thought, and to express their feelings in the clearest possible way to avoid any misunderstandings.
"I've been talking to Pastor Norman, and he helped me to see a few things I was failing to see," she admitted, and Damon finally understood it. The pastor was probably pressuring her to get married to him, so they could fix their non-official status.
"Elena, you shouldn't do something because your pastor said you should," he said in the softest and less judging way he could. He didn't want her to be stressed out, but he couldn't agree to something like that either.
"I'm not that alienate, Damon," she retorted angrily.
"I never meant it like that," he said softly, reaching for her hand, and bringing it to his lips, kissing it tenderly.
"I know you didn't, I just want to get married. I don't want to wait. I want to be your wife, and I want to do everything a wife is entitled to do," she looked away slightly as she said the last part.
"Elena…"
"I'm hormonal, I have needs, we already deal with all the things of married life on a daily basis. We've been together for seven months, I've been living in the same house as you for ten. The sooner we make our status official, the better. There are only benefits out of it," she explained, feeling her cheeks blushing from her admissions.
"Are you absolutely sure about it?" he asked, looking straight at her eyes.
"Yes, babe, I am," she said without showing any reluctance.
"Okay," he offered a grin, the one deprived of any innuendo, sarcasm, malice. Just a happy grin and definitely her favorite feature on his beautiful face.
"Okay?" she asked surprised.
"Yes… I can't wait for you to be Elena Salvatore, and to call you and introduce you as my wife. You're my life, Elena and we're finally on the same page about our lives. I won't over think it, let's just get married tomorrow," he said, leaning down and kissing her longingly and softly.
"You're my life too," she said with her eyes closed, when they broke away. Her life was a dream she didn't want to wake up from.
"But if we want we could still get married in a church eventually, right?" he asked a few moments later, while he pet her hair, and her body rested against his.
"Of course," she answered.
"Would you like it?"
"I honestly don't know. I also asked Pastor Norman if he could be there tomorrow, and he can, so I want him to bless us, but I don't know if I'll actually want a wedding ceremony someday," she shrugged. She didn't see a point of doing it in the future, if they were getting married now. She definitely couldn't pull off a wedding party in less than two months, and she didn't want to go through all those emotions in her last month during the pregnancy. It would have to wait until after she gave birth, and some time after it. They were talking at least about six months, and she didn't see a point at all of having such long separated dates.
"Would you do it for me?" he asked, and she then realized he wasn't doing it because of her, or least not only because of her. He wanted it. She couldn't deny him that.
"Do you want to wait?" she turned to look at his face.
"No, I don't, but I really want to see you walking down that aisle. I want the whole package someday, Elena" he admitted, tugging some of her hair behind her ear.
"You know I would do anything for you. We'll set up a date, tomorrow, okay?" she said sweetly, and he leaned down to kiss her again, even more tenderly than the last time.
"I love you,"
"I love you, too,"
AN: So here is the new chapter. I know I said their problems wouldn't magically disappear, but they are working in some of them, and I rather focus on what they're working on, than keeping hammering in the ones they're yet to get over. Elena is finally seeing Damon's side, with Elena by his side, he was finally able to deal better with his parents' losses. They still have a baby girl to welcome, and they getting married the next day. At City Hall. I know you expect a full wedding, vows, dresses, waltz and what not. Elena is extremely uncomfortable in her position. She promised to Damon they would have the whole package some day. And I hope they will. But she just wants to fix their status asap. I understand her perfectly. You let me know what you thought of it.
Thanks a lot to Daniela for being my beta to this chapter, and to all my faithful, amazing, reviewers.
xoxo