Disclaimer: Gadge is cannon I swear.
I told him I just wanted to be friends, and that's all I can handle for now, but Gale's the first person I think to go to when my fingers refuse to make music. The school's still closed from the weather, and my father told me the mines aren't up and running. He won't tell me why though and it gets the point where I stop asking. No one wants me to go out by myself at first but Bristel finally talks them into it, although she's skeptical too.
But they let me go, so here I am outside of Gale's house, my glove making the knock on their door muffled. It's a few seconds before anyone answers, but finally Rory does. Of course, he's grinning.
"Madge!" I'm a thousand percent sure he doesn't know what had happened to me. That's how it should be. "I feel like I haven't seen you in years! Do come in." Then he ushers me inside. Their living room is a mess and oddly vacant of everyone. "Posy's upstairs with mom," Rory tells me. "She had measles but they're not so bad now."
"I didn't know," I tell him. "I'm glad she's okay."
He smiles and looks toward the back hall. "Gale's in there," he says. "If that's who you're looking for."
"No, Rory, I came to see you," I tease, and then he laughs before allowing me to walk to his older brother's room. He watches me out of the corner of his eye but doesn't say anything. I've taken my gloves off so I can knock now, and my gentle tapping rings out through the entire quiet house.
It's a few moments before he answers, slow shuffling steps scrape across the hardwood floor. But then he does, his head topped with messy sleep hair and he's rubbing his eyes. "Hey," he smiles. "Thought I heard you." He opens the door and welcomes me into his tiny but surprisingly clean room. Gale sits on the edge of his bed slowly and runs his fingers through his hair, trying to straighten it out some.
"How're you?" I ask, one of my hands clinging to the opposite arm as it hangs limply by my side.
He shrugs, "Sore. Too scared to look in the mirror," he says, a hint of a smile. "What about you?"
I shrug too, and then sit next to him on his bed. "The first thing I wanted to do when I got home was play the piano." He nods as I continue my story. "And then I sat there and every time I went to press a key it would just sound wrong. Like someone messed with my hearing or my senses or something. And I can't play."
"What do you mean you can't play?" he asks, his face contorting into a worried panic image of himself.
"All I see anymore is just ugly, wretched things…" I trail off and sigh. "I think I need some inspiration."
"So you came here?" he asks slowly. The corners of his mouth tug upward but don't quite reach a smile yet. "What for?" I can't say for him, because I already told him I can't do that. But I guess it was for him, for what we had. Something that'll make me feel again. Something other than the numbness on my cheeks or the ache every time I blink.
"I know it's snowy out and all," I say quietly. He'll probably think I'm an idiot. "But I was wondering if you could maybe…"
He finishes for me as I trail off. "Sure, we can go to the woods."
I sit on the couch with Rory as Gale gets ready. I'm sure it has to do with the wounds that claw on his back but I say nothing. Rory says nothing either as I sit next to him. We stare at the TV although it's off, yet he still smiles. How nice it would be to be young again, to be so free like Rory. Knowing of the dangers in the world yet not fully understanding them yet. Able to go play kickball in the streets. No stereotypes, no judgment, just freedom.
"Gale's mad at me," Rory finally says. The smile has dropped from his face and he stares at the floor. "He's kind of mad at everyone, but mostly me."
"Aw, don't say that," I start, but Rory just shrugs me away.
"I took out tesserae," he says weakly. "When he was still at the Everdeen's. I didn't know if he was going to get better and we barely had food to eat and…"
"Oh, Rory," I sigh, turning to him. He still stares at the floor but it looks like he's going to start crying.
"He wouldn't teach me to hunt and I wanted to help provide for the family and…" he sniffles before the first tear streaks down his cheek. "Now I'm in entered in those stupid Games more than I should be and…"
Before I know it I've stretched over to him, wrapping the young boy in my arms as tight as I could. "It's okay," I whisper to him as more tears fall from his eyes. "He's not mad at you, I know he isn't. He's just worried, that's all."
"I just wanted to help," he croaks out.
"I know, sweetie," I say as I stroke his hair. "Things aren't very good right now but they're going to get better. I promise, okay?" he nods and then wipes at his eyes as I pull away. Just in time too, because Gale lumbers out of his room slowly, donned in his ragged winter gear.
"Ready?" he asks. His eyes dart toward Rory and his jaw locks, but I nod and quickly scurry toward the door. My hand gives Rory's a quick reassurance squeeze before Gale notices. When we're outside in the cold his hands slide into his back pockets.
"He thinks you're mad at him," I say. "Rory."
"Yeah, well,"
"I know you aren't," I continue. Gale doesn't acknowledge what I've said so I just keep going. "I know you're just worried about him."
"It was a stupid thing to do, Madge," he hisses.
"And you being upset is going to fix it?" I ask quietly. "It would just make things worse if the odds ended up not being in his favor, Gale. You'd regret your hostility." Gale sighs, but still says nothing. "He just wants to be like you, you know."
"Not much to live up to," he mutters. Instead of answering him I just drop my gaze, biting the inside of my cheek. We reach the gate a few minutes later. "I haven't been here since… since that day," he tells me.
"Oh. We don't have to go…"
"No," he waves me off. "Gotta face it some time, yeah?"
"If you aren't ready…"
"Madge," Gale says turning to me. "I just want you to play again. If this helps then by all means…" I blush and look toward the ground, when I look back up he's smiling at me. "I like when you smile," he says gently.
"It's more foreign on you than on me," I note, and he laughs. We're a few feet from the fence and Gale leans toward it.
"Maybe not so lately…" he starts to tell me, but something else catches my ear. A slight hum. I snap head toward Gale who's inches from the fence.
"No!" I shout, lurching toward him, the adrenaline in me causing him to plummet into the snow.
"What the…" he goes to yell at me but I shake my head.
"Shhh!" I scold him, and hold my ear even closer. Oh yes, the fence is definitely on. "It's electrified," I tell him. "Listen."
I'm still straddling him as I try to catch my breath, swallowing the lump of panic in my throat. Could've died. He could've died right then and there with me just watching. Slowly he pushes himself out of the snow and drags us back a few feet before smothering me in his arms.
"That's the second time you saved my life," he breathes into my hair. "Just this month." A sad laugh bubbles out of me as he squeezes me closer. "Where the hell would I be without you?" I look up from his chest and meet his eyes, his hand reaching down to my cheek, his forehead pressing against mine. His lips part slightly and his breath tingles my face as he shakes his head slowly.
"Not at a fence that nearly killed you, that's for sure," I reply gently. He grins and then leans in like he's going to kiss me, but then stops right before he does. My heart pounds, dropping into my stomach like it's going to pop out of me, and then he slides to my jaw, his lips barely against my skin.
"We've gotta go," he whispers. "They might be watching it." Then he forces myself off of him and drags me even farther from the fence until I regain my balance. His arm stays locked around my waist the rest of the walk back to his house and I don't question it. I don't mind it there at all. My heart still races in my chest as we stop outside his house.
"Will you come to my house?" I ask as he leans over me, his arm on the panel over my head. The gesture should remind me of Cassius but it doesn't because this isn't Cassius. Gale would never hurt me like Cassius. Not even in my worst nightmares could I make him the villain. "I wanna see if I can play again."
"But we didn't go in the woods," he says as he leans closer.
"But I…" I trail off as he smiles. "Please?" I can't tell him that he's still managed to make me feel something other than fear. I mean sure, that stupid fence made me panic, but I felt my heart thudding in my chest and the need of his warmth and it was better than numb. So much better than numb.
"If that's what you want." I love that. How he always makes sure it's what I want first. I nod and still he smiles, his tattered leather glove reaching for my sparkling new white one. So different. We're so different in every way possible and yet I've stopped questioning it. Why question something that makes me feel complete?
The only person home when I get there (besides my mom who's asleep and submerged in morphling) is Kasen. He doesn't question when Gale comes in, leaving his shoes by the door and coat on the rack. He doesn't give us a second glance as we sit on the piano bench together. In fact, I'm pretty sure I catch him smile. I wonder if he knows Gale or if Gale knows him, but neither acknowledge it if they do.
"Well," Gale says, lounging back. "Go on." I bite the inside of my cheek as I gaze out across the black and white keys that melt in my brain to form one.
"What if I can't?" I ask quietly. "I can't, I can't do it."
"Madge," Gale smiles and leans forward. His left arm wraps around me so his hand can reach the piano on the other side of me. "Teach me to play something."
"T-teach you?"
"Yeah," he smiles, nuzzling into my cheek. "I'm not very good." He starts pressing random keys that sound awful together. His rough hands are no match for my keyboard and a disastrous strand of music comes out, causing me to laugh. "See?"
"Stop you're breaking my ears," I force his hands off the keyboard. The one that reached around me wraps tighter around my waist and he snickers.
"Then teach me," he says.
"What would you like to learn?" I ask, my voice shaking. He's so close it makes me good-nervous. The darkness rushes out of me with every brush of skin.
"What about some of that song you played at the recital?" The song that reminds me of Gale. The song I composed myself inside my head.
"I don't remember how it starts," I admit weakly.
"The middle?" I shake my head. "Any at all?" Again I shake my head. "It had that one part that goes like this," and then he whistles quietly, perfect pitch and all as my song had went. I find myself smiling and he had to stop because he grins. "Do you remember?"
"I think," I reach for the keys again, my fingers pressing against the cool ivory keys. "I don't know."
"Close your eyes," Gale whispers. My eyelids flitter shut. "Play for me."
"I'm scared," my voice cracks.
"But I'm here," he tells me. "Right here, Madge." He presses a key and my eyes shoot open. "That one?"
"No," I shake my head.
"Eyes closed," he says again, and I close them. Again, he presses a key but I keep my eyes clamped together. "How about that one?"
"No it was higher than that," I tell him, so his free hand travels up to the top and presses the C. I laugh and reach for his hand, feeling instead of seeing. "That's way too high." His hand hovers over mine as I press a key a little lower. "It was this one."
"And then this one?" he asks, pressing the C again. I swat his hand away with a laugh, pressing the keys slowly. "You sure it didn't have this high one?"
"I'm sure," I giggle as he leans into me. "It was this one," and then I ease my eyes open, watching as my fingers flow over the keys again. The notes burst out of the darkness in my head and I'm able to see each and every one of them now, like I'm seeing the sunrise for the first time again. "This part's my favorite," I tell him, closing my eyes again and letting the music soak into me. High, low, up, down, I sigh as the sweet sound fills my ears. Gale reaches forward and presses a random key in the middle of it and my eyes snap open but I continue to play.
"What?" he asks innocently, trying to suppress the smile on his face but failing miserably. "Positive it doesn't have this one?" The C is his favorite.
"Stop!" I laugh, shoving his hand away but continuing to play. "You're making it sound awful!"
"Not a chance," he teases. "Still sounds like Madge to me." My fingers pause over the keys and his free hand engulfs one of mine. "I thought you forgot how to play," he murmurs into my temple. "You sounded pretty damn good to me." I turn to face him and his forehead slips onto mine.
"Thank you," I say as I gaze into his eyes. I don't know what I'm thanking him for. The familiar gray and brown swirls together in a mix of perfection.
He licks his lips, "Staying just friends with you is going to kill me. All I want to do is kiss you."
"It's not forever," I say, kind of hopefully. He smiles and moves away from me slightly. "Just until I learn to breathe again." Not that Gale's helping with that part on the literal sense, considering he makes my voice catch in my throat and the air in my lungs swirl "Learn to trust…" I continue.
"Don't you trust me?" he asks, raising his eyebrows playfully.
I shrug, "Eh." He laughs, throwing his head back. Just the very sound of it makes me smile. I push him and he drops his arm from around my waist. "Of course I do," I add on a more serious note. "You know I do."
Gale's long gone by the time my father gets home. He walks in on me as I'm playing but I'm so lost in the vibrations I don't even notice. It's the feel of his stare that finally gets me to look up. His arms are crossed loosely around his chest and a smile plays at his lips.
"Oh," my fingers stumble and I drop my hands. "Hi Daddy."
"Hi sweetie. That was beautiful."
"Thank you." He walks over and sits on the edge of the couch.
He sits quietly for a moment as we just watch each other. I'm not sure what he wants me to say. "We haven't gotten to talk much," he finally says, "and I'm sorry."
"It's not your fault,"
He cuts me off, "Yes it is. I haven't known what to say to you so I just don't say anything. I don't know how to comfort you or how to make you feel better and it's eating me alive. The fact that someone would hurt you drives me insane, Madge, you're my baby girl."
"Daddy," I sigh.
"And I couldn't protect you!" he shouts, bring his hands up to his face. "I'm your father I'm supposed to protect you…" I move myself off the bench and over to him, grabbing his hands in mine. His eyes are rimmed in red and tears push at his eyes. "I'm so sorry honey…"
"Daddy stop," I demand, my voice coming out harsh and forceful. He squints and rubs the tears from his eyes as I drop his hands. "It isn't your fault. You can't protect me forever."
"But I can try," he croaks. "Can't I?"
"I'm strong, you know I'm strong." He nods and runs his fingers through his hair. "Bad things happen so people can learn how to deal with them. How to get even stronger. Now it's your turn."
"But Madge, I…"
"No buts," I shake my head. "It isn't your fault and it never was." A smile cracks on his face as he cups my cheek.
"I hope I can be as brave as you one day," he says weakly.
"Who was that boy here earlier?" Kasen asks that night as we eat dinner. My father's retreated to his office for some alert, most likely about another rebellion, so it's just us. He's gotten into the habit of eating with me, which I appreciate. I love the company.
"Just a friend," I say coolly, but he smirks.
"Sure, Madge, I'm not an old man," he laughs. "Boyfriend?"
"Just a friend," I repeat. "That's all."
"Right, your proximity was totally friendly," he rolls his eyes as he shoves a bite of potatoes into his mouth. "Damn I'm a good cook," he mutters.
"That you are. And it was just friendly!" I repeat. "Right?"
"Wrong,"
"But!"
"No no," he shakes his head and wags his fork at me. "He's totally in love with you."
"Kasen," I laugh. "No he isn't." Images of Gale flash through my head at warp speed, how he always makes himself as close to me as possible, the way his breath dances across my skin. "Right?"
He shrugs, "He looks at you like I look at my wife. That's all I'm going to say on the topic." Whatever I force down my throat takes a minute because a lump forms as I consider this. Gale can't be in love with me, what's there to love? The more I think about it the more sure I am that he isn't. He's never told me anything he likes about being with me in a relationship, and then again I'm not sure if I want to ask.
What would he even say? I mean he said he likes blondes awhile ago… and that I play piano… but I'm of no substance. I'm terribly lame and pale and pathetically weak. Even Jace told me the things he liked about me before realizing he didn't actually like me like that. So what about Gale?
"Madge," Kasen waves his hand in front of my face. "I asked if you liked him?"
"No," I say quickly, which isn't exactly a lie. I knew a long time ago that what I felt for the boy from the Seam was a little bit more than like. A lot more than like. And I'm scared, which is why I keep coming up with these tragic excuses as to why we shouldn't be together when it's all I really want. To cuddle with him and have him make me feel special and safe and warm and it's all I want.
"Didn't think so," Kasen finishes with a grin. "You don't like him at all." I know what he's playing at so I just smile.
"You're right, I don't."
A/N: We're getting into my favorite parts here soon I'm excited bring on the action man. Anyway, sorry that I made you all wait four terrible days... haha updates might be a little slower due to school. Yes, I do actually attend school. It's painful and irritating and I'd rather write all day, but AP testing is coming up and yeah... that's an issue. So enjoy the Gadge while you can! More next chapter from the Quarter Quell announcement. Exciting hehe. Enjoy!