Warning: Sadness ahead, I practically cried while writing this.

Chapter 34: Breathing Techniques and Little Kit Squeaks

Voices. I heard voices. Strange...I've never heard these voices before. What are they doing here? Are they going to kill me? Are they going to make a meal out of my bones? I hope they do. I honestly hope they do.

Are you okay?

No...no I'm not okay. I can't tell you that, though...I can't move. I can't open my eyes. They're stitched shut. I've tried to open them, honestly I have. I can't do it.

Can you hear me?

I...I don't know...I'm not sure if this is a dream or not. I'm hearing things, aren't I. I'm hearing things that aren't there and never will be. I know. I'm dead. I'm dead once again. I'm glad...ish...I don't want to hurt anyone. But I don't want to leave anyone either. Wait...if I'm dead...why do I feel warm? Isn't death supposed to be cold. Death is brutal, I can tell you that. It's cold on your journey to the stars. Or the darkness. Whichever path you chose.

Please wake up...

I can't wake up, or have you not realized this. Something is wrong with me. I can't move, I can barely breathe...

Breathe...breathe...

W-why can't I breathe...Why is this voice fading away? I can't see anything...where are you?! Where am I?

What's wrong with me?

I felt...strange. I knew I wasn't really awake, but I wasn't sure if it was a dream either. Colors around me mixed together. Half of my vision was blue. The other half was white. Everything was blurry. Wind was blowing my fur. I could hear faint voices. They were coming closer. A black speck appeared. It came closer. Just as I thought I could make a figure out, the speck disappeared. Wind rattled my ears. I was in some kind of high place. It was cold. The coldness burns my lungs. I can't breathe anymore. What's wrong with me?

Then it's over. I can breathe again. The wind's gone. The cold's gone. It's hot. I feel heat from the sun. I hear breathing behind me. I can't move to see who it is. I'm frozen.

"There's always a better way to do things, Cat." Who's there? Why am I here? Why was it cold? Why am I now hot? "All your questions will be answered. You just have to breathe."

I am breathing. I know. I can see my breath as it hits the cold air. Wait...it's cold again. The wind is back. I can't feel my paws or my ears or my tail or my nose. I'm frozen.

"There's always a better way to do things, Cat." Who's there? Please, answer me! I don't like this lonely feeling.

I hear yowls of pain. Why is someone in pain? The more I listen, the more I realize. It's me who's in pain. I'm lying by the lake. I'm dead. This is the place where I go to the stars. Or the darkness. Whichever one I'm chosen to go.

"All your questions will be answered."

I'm done with questions. All they did was cause me more pain. I had questions about Opin. They were answered and I nearly died. I had questions about Terror. They were barely answered and I nearly died. I had questions about almost every cat in ShadowClan. No one will willingly answer those questions, or else they will be in risk of being nearly dead.

"All you have to do..."

I don't want to do anything. I give up. This life was a not-so-good one. How can I continue going on when I can't even get others to trust me. I can't...I just can't do anything. I can't feel, I can't live, I can't cats live when they've angered me. I killed my sister for StarClan's sake.

"...is breathe..."

Breathe...it's such a foreign term. I know we have to breathe, but what is it that makes us alive? It can't be breathing. It can't be just...life. I want to know. I need to know. What is it that makes us live? What is the secret to living?

"...breathe..."

Breathe...

"...breathe..."

Breathe...

Tears. Tears again. Tears of emotion. Tears of sadness. Tears that should never have been shed because of me.

Breathe...

Give me time. Give me time to be dead. I don't want to be alive anymore...Please, let me die...

The black speck is here again. It comes closer. I can't make out a face, but I know it's a cat before it disappears again. I know it's someone I know before it disappears again...I just don't know who it is.

I don't want to wake up. I don't want my life to continue. At least...not now. Time, please. Time. Give me time to be not breathing.

I feel breathing again. It's cold. Coldness that burns my lungs. Mountains. Snow. A lonely feeling. I would like it here. If only I could stay.

Please...please make me go back to death. I like death. It's white and fluffy and comforting. Besides the loneliness, it will be perfect.

"All you have to do is breathe." I can feel breathing again. Then she's right in front of me. It's Nightpaw. Nightpaw, why are you here? Why are you here and why am I here? Why can't I breathe? Please, help me, "Take your own advice, Cat." Why are you using my old name? You know my new name. Why are you using the name that's caused me misery? "Breathe."

I feel her warm paw on mine. And then her paw is cold. I look in her eyes, and see insanity. Then it's gone. The wind starts again. Our fur flies in all directions. Soon, I see Nightpaw's ears fading. Her paw is fading too, the warmth is fading. I watch with sadness as the wind blows her away. Why am I sad? I've always been happy when someone's disappeared from my life before. Now it's...not as satisfactory. It isn't long before she's all gone. The last thing I see is her eyes. Her frosty blue eyes.

"Let the night's breeze heal you." It's her voice. Is this what that means? She just...disappeared and I'm supposed to be happy? Why am I so sad? Why do I feel empty? It feels so cold. The wind is gone and it feels cold. I hate this place. I want to go back. I want to go back to the place where everyone is alive and I'm not dead.

Breathe...I hate that word. I hate breathing, but I have to breathe. I want to be dead, but I have to breathe. If I don't breathe, I'm empty. Now I know what makes us alive. It's that breeze that took Nightpaw away. The wind that raged and calmed. That wind that makes us warm or cold. I understand now. It's so clear. I need to breathe to feel. I never stopped feeling. No one will ever just stop feeling.

The black speck is here again. I see blue eyes before the wind takes it away.

There's a certain key to breathing. It's not just inhale and exhale. It's hello, and goodbye. Inhale, hello, new birth, new body. Exhale, goodbye, new death, new corpse. Simple, though very complicated. Everyone needs to breathe. Everyone needs to live, and everyone needs to die. It's all a breathing technique.

"Darkpaw!"

Stormkit...why is that the first name that comes to mind? I don't know anyone named Stormkit... And who was that strange cat from my dream? I don't know her...I don't like her. She looks too much like Opin. The same eyes. The same frosty expression. She didn't look like she cared about me.

Besides, I'm all alone.

"Where are you going?"

No one cares.

"Come back!"

I hate you, little kit. All kits do is whine.

This chapter went under several stages. One stage where it was completely blank, another where there was no memory loss involved, another one where he was found by a runaway kittypet who loved to be so very flirtatious, and then another one where it was Stormkit's POV, and then another one where he was simply talking to himself while staring at the lake, and then this one, where he has this really weird dream and wakes up recalling nothing before he fell into the lake.

*sniff* I'm so cruel Cat! I hope you can forgive me for taking all of your memories after 34 chapters of being happy!

-Moon