Chapter XXXVI

A/N: I received so much love from last chapter that I couldn't help myself from updating again. Thanks again, everyone.

Santana's POV

After draining my hair, I twisted it into a loose coil before locking it into place at the peak of my head with a clip.

Gold lion's gonna tell me where the light is,
Gold lion's gonna tell me where the light is,
Take our hands out of control,
Take our hands out of control

My ringtone for Quinn sounded just as I was wrapping my torso in a towel. My smile was automatic.

Yeah, I was that girl now.

It wasn't the most romantic ringtone that I could have chosen for my girlfriend, but for secrecy sake, I couldn't exactly have some Michael Bolton "I love you so much that I can feel it in my mullet" ring out every time Quinn texted me (not that Mr. Bolton would ever be my choice, in any case).

Gold Lion by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs served the purpose, because sometimes Quinn's bedhead-especially after a particularly active night-reminded me of a lion's mane.

Additionally, while I was sure that she would readily claim that between the two of us, I was not the morning person, she could be pretty growly in the a.m. Her morning attitude was even worse on the days where I had to leave bed before she did.

While normal people would whine about the absence of their favorite warm body, Quinn would usually just be grouchy and snappy about it. It still somehow managed to be cute.

Outside, Inside,
This is the moon without a tide,
We'll build a fire in your eyes,
We'll build a fire when the cover's getting brighter,
Cold desire makes the moon without a tide

I snatched my phone from my bed to read her message.

Quinn: My mom thinks that she needs to talk to your mom about your unhealthy running habit. For once, I agree with her on something.

Santana: Unhealthy? It's not even 2 p.m. yet, and I would bet my favorite pair of heels that your mom is already a bottle of wine in, and you have scarfed down a pigpen's worth of bacon already.

To my disappointment, Quinn hadn't been able to come over the night before, because she had to help her mom prep for her dad's super important brunch today. Russell Fabray had his sights set on some stupid city supervisor position, and Quinn was stuck schmoozing with her mom and sometimes older sister at all of Russell's networking events.

Quinn: It's the middle of November. You look psychotic.

Santana: It hasn't snowed yet, and Puck and I wear some kickass under armour. Plus, you know that you and your hot mom would miss watching my psycho ass from the bay windows if I stopped.

Quinn: …I am going to have to pretend that you never called my mom hot if I can ever hope to bring myself to have sex with you again.

Santana: What? We both have hot moms. They had hot babies. That's usually how it works.

Quinn: Are you calling my sister hot now, too?

Santana: So what if I am?

Quinn: I hate you.

Santana: You're just mad that your dad's political ambitions are cockblocking you right now.

Quinn: Not for much longer, fortunately. I'll be yours in less than an hour.

Santana: And here I was thinking that you were mine 24/7…damn.

Quinn: That was super cheesy.

Santana: Yeah? Is that why you're smiling right now? Just say it. You know you want to.

I would also bet my favorite heels that she was in fact smiling right now.

Quinn: I'm always yours.

I narrowed my eyes at my phone screen, focused intently on the word "always", my heart kickstarted in my chest. She couldn't have meant…

Quinn: Shit…I meant 24/7, not…whatever.

Her speedily sent follow-up text made me laugh. I loved to catch Quinn when she wasn't being perfectly poised or perfectly articulate.

Santana: It's okay, babe. I'm still sitting calmly on my bed. I didn't race down to my car to flee the city.

Quinn: If you are ever to flee, you better fucking take me with you.

Santana: Brunch is that bad, huh? I'm sorry, Q. Just so you know, I have a Breadstix date with Puckerman tonight. Feel free to tag along :).

Quinn: I'll invite Mercedes to join us. I wouldn't want to be the third wheel ;).

"I love your dutiful daughter outfits. They make me feel like I'm corrupting you every time I take them off." I complimented with a hum, running my fingertips along the back white lace of Quinn's dress as she straddled me.

There was definite mirth in her hazel eyes, before there was a flash of realization of some sort. She wiggled her way off of my lap in a hurry, and I groaned at the loss of her weight on me.

"Where are you going? I didn't even get to get to the taking off part!" I whined, reclining my head against the cushion of the couch.

"You distracted me! I almost forgot what I brought over." She called from where I assumed she had left her purse.

My eyes narrowed immediately in curiosity. I sprang up from the couch to find her climbing the steps with her purse over her shoulder.

"Are you coming?" She invited, rather insistently I may add.

Are you serious? How could I not follow that ass?

When she passed right by my bedroom, I squeezed her butt playfully from behind. She giggled, and flashed a feigned warning look over her shoulder at me.

"If there is a strap-on in that purse, I am so fucking excited. But, just so you know, I really don't want our first go of that to be in ma's bed. That's a little too kinky for me, Fabray." I teased, and she shook her head at me as we passed by my mom's room as well.

"It's not a strap-on and ew." She grimaced back at me, making her way into one of the guest bedrooms.

"Ew to strap-on sex in my mom's bed or ew to the strap-on in general?" I inquired. This was definitely something that I wanted to feel out.

"Your mom's bed." She responded so calmly, but god knows that she knew exactly how wet that simple clarification made me.

I approached the bed before turning around to face that pretty face of hers.

"Strap-on sex is so on." I grinned, and she pushed me one handed onto the bed with a matching grin.

I popped myself up onto my elbows to get a better view of my piously dressed girlfriend.

"Not today it isn't, but it is up for future discussion." She returned my smile, and pulled the small chest that was resting by the foot of the bed away from my swinging legs.

I'd take that. For now.

Once the chest was a few feet away, she sat down on it. My face fell immediately when I realized that she was not going to be joining me on the bed.

My eyes scanned the deliberately made distance between us.

Uh oh. Serious talk time.

She always created distance between us when she needed to have a legitimate discussion. She claimed the space was a necessary evil. If I wasn't currently panicking internally, I probably would have smiled at the memory of her need for the counter between us during our relationship-beginning discussion.

"I was just joking around about your mom and sister, Q…" I scrambled to explain while attempting to think about what else I could have possibly done to piss her off.

I mean, Quinn definitely had good genes. And if I was into the MILF thing like Puck then Quinn's mom would definitely make the cut, aside from the robot "I'll do whatever you say, Russell" bit, but I wasn't about to express that to Quinn.

"This isn't about that. You aren't in trouble. That was gross, but you aren't in trouble." She clarified with a wave of her hands.

She took a deep breath, and I mimicked her action.

"Will you just spit it out, whatever it is?" I pleaded, sitting myself upright on the bed.

It was lovely to hear that I wasn't in trouble and all, but it didn't alleviate my concern. It had been weeks since we had a real fight. We constantly had our little bickering matches, but that was us, and I loved us.

"But I do want to talk to you about something that is very important to me. Will you promise me not to walk away during it? If I make you too uncomfortable, you can ask me to stop, but please don't walk away." She requested softly.

She sounded so adult, reasonable, and mature. And so hot.

My heart was starting to make it presence known in my chest. I was not digging the serious tone of this. Not at all.

What could she have to say that would make me want to walk away?

We were quickly learning how to avoid backing each other into corners conversationally or otherwise. We were similar creatures in respect to our reactions in those situations. When either of us was put on the defense, we went on the offensive, rather aggressively, I might add. For her to offer me a conversational out if I needed it, just demonstrated how much we had grown together.

"I promise." I asserted, glancing unconsciously toward the door as I did so.

"I know you have intimacy issues, Santana and I want to help. I want to show you that it is more than okay for you to be the focus of my attention." She explained, crossing her legs at the thigh.

She sounded like she was making a business proposal rather than instigating a conversation about sex with her girlfriend.

Under different circumstances, I probably would have teased her about her choice of approach for this. I, however, was concentrating on fighting my flight instincts. Quinn knew me better than anyone. She was right to be concerned about me walking away.

I knew I had intimacy issues, believe me, I was well aware. They weren't something that I cared to think about, however, and they were certainly something that I did not want to talk about. In this area, I never had delved into the "why" behind my actions. I didn't know why I was so uncomfortable, and I didn't want to know why.

I swallowed, and struggled to maintain eye contact.

"I love all of the things that you have done to me, baby. But I definitely notice how off you get when I've gone down on you for a few minutes, or when I'm trying to make you orgasm with my fingers. Every time, you'll pull me up, or you'll start touching me as well. I just want you to know that sometimes it is okay if it is all about you. I want it to be all about you sometimes, San. It's not just that you deserve it, which you do, but making you feel good, is one of my favorite things to do." She had definitely lost some of her professional tone, which I was grateful for.

There was more than one occasion where I could tell that Quinn was visibly upset about my inability to have the attention focused on me for too long. It wasn't like I didn't enjoy what she was doing, I always did, but I would just get so damn self-conscious about it. I definitely have my share of self-worth issues.

I knew it wasn't fair to her.

Other girls had never put up much of a fuss about it. Brittany and I never spoke of it. Sadie made comments during, and sometimes after, but she never tried to have a serious conversation about it. She and I were never on solid ground to start with. I was sure that she didn't want to create any extra tremors.

If I was ever going to learn how to give myself completely to someone, I knew it had to be Quinn.

"Okay, I can try and work on letting you..." I offered quietly, and she interrupted me with a shake of her head and a shy smile.

"I have a different solution, actually, if you'll agree to it." She bit the inside of her cheek and reached into her purse to retrieve two large scarves. One purple, and one midnight blue.

My forehead scrunched as I looked on with confusion. Was she going to seduce me with scarves?

"I thought this room would be the best choice for this, because of the bedposts." She gestured to the bed, appearing about as bashful as a head cheerleader could appear.

Every time this girl acted even remotely shy, I was instantly captivated by her. There was something so fascinating about such a beautiful woman with an unbelievable presence such as hers demonstrating such personal hesitancy.

"Oh." I responded without really having any idea what she was getting at.

And then it hit me. Oh god.

"Ohhh…you want to tie me to the bed?" Both of my eyebrows rose, and my mouth formed a wide oval.

"Just your hands." She elucidated, and intertwined her fingers into the scarves, toying with them absently as she waited for me to find my words.

I had never, ever, allowed someone to tie me up before. I tied other people up. I was not a person who liked or wanted to be restrained. I was a creature of control and the thought of someone having that power over me had always made me feel nauseous.

But this wasn't just someone. This was Quinn. Quinn who I loved more than anything or anyone else in the world. Quinn who I trusted. Quinn who wanted this not as an opportunity for dominating me, but as an opportunity for showing me that I deserved to receive everything that I had given to her.

"No pressure, okay? We won't do this if you don't want it. If you do let me, I'll untie you whenever you ask me to." Quinn's sincerity and her reassuring tone made the decision for me.

When I would flip the switch, so to speak, during our lovemaking, it was instinctual. It was a strong impulse to turn the tables, and thus the attention away from me.

If she restrained me, I wouldn't be able to do that. My body wouldn't be able to properly react to that desire. It was a scary thought, but my girlfriend's "solution" did make sense.

I would have to just ride those impulses out. I wouldn't have to be overthinking or overanalyzing while fighting my urges to concentrate on her. If it was too much for me, I trusted her to stop. I knew I would only have to say the words.

I was ready to have my lips on hers. My incredible girlfriend. She had both the nerve and the desire to do this for me. She was one of a kind.

I was locked in to one person at 17. I honestly couldn't see myself wanting to be with anyone else ever again. Crazy, right?

Oh my god, I'm Rachel fucking Berry.

Well, except her and Finn were toast. But, I was sure she was still a sickeningly hopeless romantic.

"I trust you. Let's get our fifty shades of lesbian on." I smiled at her through my nerves, and found great comfort in her following laugh.

Her laugh was my home.

"Please tell me you didn't read that." She begged, standing up from the chest, reaching to my side to throw the scarves down on the bed, before pulling me up to her by my hands.

"I may have skimmed it, but I stopped reading at this part with a tampon…" I elaborated, and she covered my mouth with her hand to halt any further explanation.

"Stop. Stop. Stop right there. No." She grimaced against my shoulder, shaking her head, before she removed her pomegranate scented hand from my mouth.

I took advantage of her temporary state, and kneeled down to splay my fingers against the skin of her thighs, pushing her dress up, before she helped me pull it over her head. If I was going to let this girl have her way with me, her body was at least going to be on display for my viewing pleasure.

She didn't protest, far from it. She kissed me tenderly, slowing me down with her lips whenever my mouth attempted to instigate a more hurried pace.

She wasn't going to make this quick for me. I could already tell.

Her nimble fingers found the draw string of my pants, untying them in such a leisurely fashion, while her tongue finally grazed my lower lip.

She made very slow work of my other clothes as well.

Quinn asked me two more times if I was sure about this before I was even on my back. She artfully managed to be sweet and insanely sexy at the same time.

Despite her careful pace, my heart was still pounding as she grasped my left wrist, pressing my hand gently against the wooden post. The wood felt cold against my heated skin. Even though Quinn's kiss and her measured undressing of me had raised my body temperature a few degrees, I definitely felt a chill. It probably had something to do being completely naked, uncovered, and on the bed by myself. But, I really hoped that she was going to alleviate the last issue sooner rather than later.

She wrapped the purple silk scarf around my wrist and palm. I was confident that I had seen her wear this one before. I couldn't imagine how I was going to feel if she wore it again in the future.

"Try and tug on it." She directed, and I did so. It wasn't so tight that it was hurting me, but my wrist was definitely not going anywhere anytime soon.

Panic didn't rise in my throat as I had expected it to. I must have really trusted this woman. I was tense, yes, but panicked? No.

She trailed her fingernails down my exposed forearm and bicep before walking around the bed to take care of my other wrist.

Her eyes were growing more and more green by the instant, as they soaked in every inch of my exposed form.

When my own eyes weren't fixed on hers, they were definitely watching the inconceivable amount of effortless confidence that Quinn had in each stride she made. I was enchanted by the way her black panties tightened and flexed around my favorite ass. While I had a particular fondness for it when it came to my own undergarment choices, black was an unusual choice for her. I wondered if she had picked it today for a reason.

"All those summer weeks where you claimed to be attending Jesus Camp, you were really going to Girl Scout Camp, weren't you?" I accused jokingly, successfully, for the most part, keeping the nervous shake from my voice.

Did they even teach knots at Girl Scout Camp? My feminist-self veered my mind into a brief detour.

"Yes, because from the age of eight when I started going to those camps, I knew that one day that I would be tying my scrawny little neighbor, Santana Lopez, to the bed." She laughed while I unabashedly focused on her darkly clad breasts.

"I was never scrawny!" I protested as she pressed my right wrist to the bedpost.

Okay, so I was kinda a skinny kid. But I was fierce.

She made quicker work of this knot job. I could tell by the hungry look in her wide eyes that she was becoming quite anxious to start touching me.

"I was there. And you were. You sure aren't anymore though." My muscles twitched beneath my skin, as her index finger ran down between my breasts and along my stomach.

"Spread those legs, baby." She ordered, walking with her confident sashay to the end of the bed.

I did as I was told. I was not ashamed of my body. Being exposed like this was not the difficult part.

Quinn and I were very different in that area. She still caught nerves when she was naked around me. I could never fathom why. To me, her body was flawless, and I couldn't comprehend how she could see it any differently.

I knew that her mom was consistently raving about the importance of proper eating habits and exercise in order to have a healthy body. Quinn and I both knew what her mom really meant. Judy Fabray believed that maintaining the perfect figure was a vital part of being a good wife, and had the same expectations for her daughter. Quinn's environment was chocked full of expectations.

She didn't appear to be nervous currently, however, even though she was clad in only her undergarments.

"God, you're gorgeous." I observed as my chest heaved slightly with anticipation.

"Shh…this is about you." She punctuated her point by bowing her back, dipping her head down to make one long deliberate lick along my slit.

"Fuuck." I whimpered, my hips rising, and my wrists reflexively straining against the scarves.

Foreplay was apparently over.

I was definitely okay with that. Quinn was smart. She knew that teasing me while I was in a vulnerable state like this was not going to get the reaction that she so desired.

"Are you ever not ready for me?" She husked before sinking her tongue into my wet heat.

Before she had even starting tying my first wrist, I was able to feel the evidence of my arousal on my thighs.

The question was probably a rhetorical one, but my body was answering for me, in any case. I was always ready for her. She was my living, breathing, walking fantasy. I never stood a chance.

Her capable hands kneaded the flesh of my thighs while her tongue swirled against my clit. She brought me to orgasm twice without entering me at all.

My arms were starting to tire from tensing against the scarves.

My thighs were trembling when I felt her first finger enter me. I had never allowed someone to give me more than two orgasms without me returning the favor. While my hips instinctively bucked against her soaked digit, anxiety was building in my chest. My eyes were no longer focused on the impeccable body that was curved beneath me, or the head of golden hair.

As if sensing my change of demeanor, Quinn withdrew her finger, and tipped her head up to seek my eyes.

"Do you want me to untie you?" Her hoarse voice was laced with concern.

I shook my head. I didn't. I was determined to do this. For me, and for her.

"Anything I can do?" She asked, squeezing my thighs in a gesture of reassurance.

"Kiss me." I pleaded, and she crawled up to meet my lips without hesitation.

It was strange to have no use of my hands while I was kissing Quinn. It was second nature for me to touch her.

Minutes passed before I could taste anything but me on her tongue. Not that I minded. I tasted the best that way.

I just couldn't do this without her as connected to me as possible. Her head between my thighs was certainly intimate, but not in the way that I needed.

It was a kiss meant for comfort, but my hips couldn't remain still beneath her when her tongue was so expertly massaging mine.

"Now fuck me." I demanded against her puffy lips, sucking hard on her bottom lip to illustrate that I didn't want her mouth to leave mine as she did so.

She took my not-so-subtle hint, reaching between us, giving my clit a brief "hello again" with her thumb before she pushed two fingers into me.

Her free hand reached behind my neck, holding onto me there to give her more leverage as she fucked me.

I spread my legs wider for her, wanting to lose myself in the sensations of her touch and her kiss.

The soft cloth of her bra felt amazing against my nipples. Her fingers curling inside of me sent my eyes rolling back into my head. When she grasped a fist full of my hair to jerk my chin up, in order to attack my neck, my anxiety disappeared.

"You're so sexy like this." She moaned into my pulse point, as her fingers curled purposely inside of me.

My head hit the wall with a thud, but I barely registered the impact. Quinn was nipping at the skin of my left bicep with her teeth.

"I think I could orgasm just from watching your arms." She confessed, licking the flexed muscle near my shoulder.

Her pace became far more hurried, and I groaned loudly from the combination of her soaked panties on my thigh, the pounding of her fingers relentlessly against my spot, and the hum of her sex voice near my ear.

I was coming completely undone beneath this woman. My fingernails dug into the silk of the scarves, as Quinn shifted over me to position herself slightly sideways. Her pace never paused, it didn't even slow.

In fact, once she was adjusted, her hand began to practically fly against me. The face she was making was without inhibition. It was all primal determination.

Her frantic movements created a bundle of pure pressure within the pit of my stomach. I recognized the sensation, although it had never been this powerful before.

"Fuck, Q, you're gonna…" I couldn't finish, gasping for air instead as her mouth encircled my nipple.

My arms and abs were burning as my vision blurred. My stomach coiled forcibly, deliciously, as my body curled suddenly into her.

My scream was muffled only by the impact of my mouth on the outside of Quinn's arm. I bit down on her exposed skin as I came. She cried out at the unexpected attack, but her hips rolled into me in a way that indicated her pleasure.

My body writhed before stilling as I came down from the most intense orgasm that I had ever had.

"What are you smiling about?" I breathed raggedly from beneath her, as she trailed kisses down my arms.

"Mm…well, you see, I just totally topped Santana Lopez." She grinned broadly, punctuating her smile with a cocky tilt of her head.

"I'd tell you not to let it go to your head, but I can tell it is already too late for that." I laughed beneath her, shifting my own head near one of my hands to wipe some of the sweat that was glistening on my brow.

She kissed me like it was the beginning. She kissed me with a passion reserved for new lovers and with an intimate precision known only to those deeply in love.

I was dizzy. I forgot about my restraints momentarily, tugging fruitlessly against them, needing to touch her desperately everywhere.

My need to touch her had nothing to do with any sort of discomfort about having her attention on me. I smiled into her lips at the thought.

Abruptly, Quinn roughly squeezed my thigh, before she began circling my entrance with her fingers.

"What do you think you're doing, Fabray?" I purred against her lips.

"You said it was easier after the first one. I'm about to test the accuracy of that." She responded simply, dipping her fingers into me once again.

"Do I look like I can handle that right now?" I leaned away, just barely, from the kiss with an incredulous look.

I honestly felt like she had melted me. Not that I had much freedom of movement anyway, but I didn't feel as though I had any muscle control currently.

"Baby, you've been doing this to me for weeks. You can handle an afternoon of it." She asserted, laughing darkly as she sucked on my earlobe.

And you know what? Somehow, I did.

"You're really not going to tell me what's up with you, Lopez?" Puck garbled through a mouth full of breadstick.

I cringed at his complete lack of table members, sharing a three-way disgusted look with Mercedes and Quinn.

It was the fourth or so time that he had mentioned my demeanor.

So what? My entire body felt like a mass of warm awesome jelly. He was lucky that I was even here. I would probably be passed out in bed otherwise.

I knew I wasn't as chatty or as snarky as my usual self. But, my mind couldn't begin to form my usual witty retorts. It was a pure cloud of bliss. It was like Quinn had managed to relax every muscle in my body that had ever experienced any tension of any sort.

Puck wasn't the only one giving me a hard time. Quinn had been teasing me about my happy drowsy state since the moment that she had finally released my wrists.

But hey, at least she had earned the right to give me a hard time about it. Believe me, she had definitely earned it.

"Spill, girl. You haven't insulted any of us the entire meal and you didn't even make a dirty joke when the waitress asked if you wanted to eat a piece of her favorite pie." Mercedes prodded, handing Puck another breadstick warily, as if she was concerned that her hand might be bitten off by the hungry teenager.

"It was too easy." I shrugged, attempting to ignore the pleased smile on my girlfriend's face.

"That's never stopped you before." Mercedes pointed out, and Puck snorted into his next bite of bread.

Enough with the slut jokes already.

I was unable to muster the will or energy to get truly angry, but I knew if I let her comment go, it would only make me seem more suspicious.

"Watch it, Virgin Wheezy." I snapped, shooting my diva friend a glare.

"There's our girl." Puck waggled a breadstick in my direction, and I snatched it from him even though it wasn't an offering. Despite the full meal that I had just consumed, I was starving.

The more I ate, the more amused looks Quinn would shoot in my direction. Yeah yeah.

"So where have you all applied so far?" Mercedes changed the topic to college, which was an even more uncomfortable subject than the topic concerning why I was in my current state.

Quinn and I hadn't discussed what we were going to do after this year yet. She was going to go to Yale, I was sure of that. She had received one of those special awards for her SATs, and she had near perfect grades. She probably already wrote some kickass essay that she was too prideful to show me. I had not a single shred of doubt that she would get in. She was going to rule that Ivy League school just like she ruled McKinley. I couldn't have been prouder of her.

My future wasn't as clear. I couldn't just follow Quinn around as much as I didn't want us to be apart. It wasn't who I was, and it wasn't what I wanted.

But what did I want?

Everyone seemed so sure of what they wanted to do. Mercedes was going to launch right into striving for her music career. Rachel and Kurt were set on NYADA. Even Finn knew that he wanted to just rot here and take over his dad's business.

What about me? I loved to sing, sure, but did I want the starving artist lifestyle? No. Something in me wanted those long night spent in the library reading about history, and politics, and international issues. Another part of me, wanted to keep performing.

Where did that leave me? I spoke to my mother on the phone last weekend, and she assured me that I didn't have to be sure about my major if I entered into a school with one in mind. She seemed to be attempting to gently guide me into Political Science. I guessed that made sense to a certain degree. In the meantime, I was applying to at least a dozen schools.

I shrugged in response to Mercedes question, as Puck began to explain that he wasn't going to go to college. Even though I knew that already, it made my heart sink. I hoped that he was going to change his mind somehow. He was so much smarter than he gave himself credit for.

It made my chest tighten to think that a year from now Puck and me in all likelihood wouldn't be in the same state.

I wanted out of Lima. I wanted out of Ohio. I just wished that I could take these jerks that I had grown to love so much with me.

Quinn appeared as though she was holding her breath, waiting for my response to Mercedes' question. I couldn't handle whatever mixture of hope and fear that I saw in those hazel eyes. Instead of responding, I slid out from the booth and escaped into the bathroom.

I didn't have to pee, so I ran the cold water from the sink, splashing my face with it.

What was I doing? Here I was playing part-time house with Quinn, and I wasn't even sure how much distance was going to be between us come next fall. I was allowing her to have all of me when our relationship could have an expiration date.

Am I stupid for doing that?

I gripped the porcelain sides of the shitty restaurant sink, inhaling deeply to calm my thoughts. Cowardly Santana would run. She would end it before Quinn ever had the chance to do so. But I wasn't her anymore.

I may not have had a clear vision of what I wanted for a future education and career, but I was clear on Quinn. I was somehow sure, to my very core, that I wanted her and that wasn't going to magically change by fall.

What have you done to me, Fabray?

I smiled softly, like a crazy person, into the mirror, adjusting my ponytail before vacating the restroom.

The waitress was standing in front of the booth as I approached, leaning in to discuss something with my friends.

"Is your friend single?" I overheard as I neared the group.

Oh, that's awkward.

The waitress placed our check on the middle of our table as she waited for a response.

I debated whether I should continue my path to the booth and sit down, or if I should hang back until the waitress walked away.

My eyes focused on Quinn as she pursed her lips. It was so fucking endearing how clear it was to me that she was desperately fighting the urge to tell the waitress that one, I was not single, and two, to fuck off.

Puck put up both of his hands to respond instead.

"I am not touching that one." Puck chuckled, and Mercedes playfully shoved the man whose head had been shaved ever since Halloween. I thought he looked much better without the dead squirrel, as Kurt called it, on his head.

Quinn's face flashed fury, and she realized that I was approaching the group just as Puck was being pushed.

"You told him?! How could you do that?" Quinn screeched, bumping the table as she stood up abruptly. Angry irrational Quinn was back. Great.

Mercedes shielded her face with her hands, as if something was going to come flying at her any moment.

Quinn's eyes turned on the waitress next.

"Walk. Away." Quinn snarled with a grit of her teeth, and the waitress, appearing to be completely startled, stumbled backwards and away.

"I didn't." I asserted gravely.

"She didn't tell me shit, but I know now." Puck admitted without apology, and he did not wilt under Quinn's fiery gaze.

I snatched my purse, plopping enough cash for the entire check down on the table before grabbing my coat.

It was one thing for Puck to know. I knew he had more than his share of suspicions about Quinn and me. But, he was loyal, and I trusted him not to tell anyone.

Mercedes, on the other hand, lived for this kind of gossip, and Quinn had just spilled the beans in front of her, because she hadn't trusted me enough to know that I was fighting just as hard as she was to keep our secret.

I was pissed.

"Take me home, Puck." I ordered, not waiting for him to slide out of the booth before making my way out of the restaurant.

Quinn had driven us because I was all kinds of incapable of doing so at the time. I was more than okay with her driving home solo.

Against her best interests, Quinn followed me outside. I gestured for Puck to continue to his jeep when he exited, and Mercedes wisely did the same.

"You didn't tell him?" Her voice was significantly softer now, and I stepped with her to the side of the building to avoid any people who might approach the restaurant.

"No. I have fucking lied to my best friend for months now. I have lied for you, Quinn. But you still don't trust me. I demonstrated today how much I trust you, and you just demonstrated how little you trust me." I hissed, but I was still conscious of keeping my voice quiet.

The glistening of her hazel eyes extinguished some of the fire in my stomach. I sighed, and glanced over at Puck's waiting form.

"Here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to make sure, although I really don't doubt him, that Puck is not going to tell anyone about us while you do the same with Mercedes." I outlined.

Mercedes was truly the one that we needed to worry about.

"And I'm going to apologize to him, and I'm going to fully explain to him why I couldn't be honest with him." I continued, and she nodded, appearing as though she was waiting for the harsh part of this to come.

"And after that, once I have made sure that I haven't done anything harmful to my relationship with Puck, I need you to come over, and I need you to explain why-after you have been proved wrong dozens of times now-you still jump to these conclusions about me. I love you, and I would sooner hurt myself, than I would hurt you. Why don't you get that?" I questioned her and she shook her head almost violently.

I feared the fall of her tears. I wouldn't be able to stop myself from wiping them away if they did cascade down her face.

"I do…I do, Santana it's…" She stuttered.

"I know. Just go do your damage control with Mercedes and text me when you're done, okay?" I urged her and thankfully, it looked like we were out of the woods in the tear department.

I was upset, but this was a hurdle that our two athletic asses could easily jump.

"Okay. I love y—" The waitress emerged from the door at that point, shouting after us with a "hey!".

Quinn's neck snapped so hard to the side that I almost thought she broke it.

"Are you that desperate? Do I need to throw money at you to make you go away?" Quinn bared her teeth, but the waitress continued forward, reaching out with Quinn's large purse in her hand.

"You left your purse." The waitress explained simply, and Quinn bowed her head in embarrassment as she took it, mumbling a weak "thank you" as she did so.

"God, I hope you tipped her well." She wished once the waitress had escaped back into the building.

"I did. Who can really blame her for wanting all up on this anyway?" I joked, gesturing with my hands to my lovely lady goods.

It earned me a smile. That was enough.

"I can't. You think I would be far more sensitive to her plight." She smiled at me genuinely, and we crossed the parking lot together.

"Plight? Okay, Shakespeare. Text me later." I told her, before opening the door to Puck's jeep to climb inside.

"Come out with it." I commanded, turning down the 80's heavy metal that Puck had obviously been rocking out to on his way to Breadstix.

"With what?" He flashed me a smug grin.

"How much Halo do I have to play to get you to forgive me?" I asked.

I didn't need him to know that I would play all day if that meant that he wouldn't be mad at me for lying to him for months.

"Did you lie to me because you thought I couldn't keep your secret?" He inquired, without taking his eyes from the road.

He didn't sound mad, or even remotely upset. I was confused to say the least. I would probably be all kinds of irritated if he kept a serious relationship from me for months. Serious relationship? Did I just think that?

"No, of course not." I glanced down at my shoes, biting my tongue before I could say more.

If it was up to me, I would have told him during our run on the morning following my performance with the marching band. After all, without him, I wasn't sure that Quinn and I would be where we were. I owed him.

Even if he hadn't played Cupid, he still deserved my honesty, but it wasn't mine to give.

"Then we're good, hot stuff." He proclaimed.

I squinted over at him. It couldn't be this easy. He wasn't going to make me apologize with food or video game time or wingwoman work? Really?

"Seriously?" I asked, and my skepticism was clear in my tone.

"When my mom and I picked up Quinn for Winter Formal in eighth grade, Mr. Fabray frisked me for condoms, and insisted on showing me his gun collection. He forced me to go to church with them the next day after he remembered that I was the "bastard" kid. Children born out of wedlock are extra vulnerable to sin, he said. He's crazy." He patted my knee.

How terrifying for a 13-year-old kid. Jesus. Literally.

That really angered me. Puck had enough daddy issues without Russell Fabray passing judgment on the nature of my friend's birth. Fuck that man.

"Why were you grinning when I got in here if I don't have apology terms to meet?" I inquired further. I probably should have just counted my gratefuls, and let it go.

"Because now I know for sure why you were all loopy and shit at dinner. You got Fabrayed beforehand. You got Fabrayed hard." His grin was back, and he winked at me.

I smacked his hand on my knee, and laughed. I was too fucking relieved to even be embarrassed. He was right anyway. I did get Fabrayed.

Quinn's POV

"Where's your mom?" I asked, glancing around the living room as if Mercedes' family members were suddenly going to pop out randomly.

I was a bundle of nerves.

"Grocery store with the rest of the fam." Mercedes answered with a sly smile.

I cleared my throat as if to speak, but I had no idea what to say, or how to start. She didn't seem mad, and she didn't pelt me with questions as soon as she opened the door as I had expected her to.

Adding cloud to confusion, my mind was on Santana. And no, not the flex of Santana's biceps as her hands fisted with each flick of my tongue…although now…

Wait. Focus.

Santana had been completely right earlier about how much trust she had put in me. I knew that her issues ran deep, and I knew that earlier meant something grander than I could possibly fathom.

I should have known that she wouldn't have betrayed me like that. I did know that. It was just a stupid, panicked reaction in that moment.

People knew.

It was just Puck and Mercedes, but people knew.

I was scared. I could lose everything with one whispered word to my father. With one hint of a rumor.

"Okay, I'm going to make this easy on you. Here is what I think I know. You and Santana have been getting busy since Santana's birthday last year and…" Mercedes interrupted my thought process and my eyes flew wide with her assumption.

"Whoa whoa, no. Incorrect." I waved a hand in front of her.

If Santana would have allowed it, we would have "gotten busy" as Mercedes had so classily articulated, but she had stopped it.

"Let me finish. You had some fights, because you're not gay and she's not the commitment type." She continued casually.

"Oh my god…you…" I sputtered. Surely she was joking about all of this.

"Hey now. Slow your roll. I'm not done. Prom night got you all worried that you were gonna lose your boo so you confessed your eternal love, but I interrupted you before you could consummate your lady marriage." She laughed at her own strangeness, and I almost joined her.

Shit, what did she hear when she came upstairs that night? I distinctly remembered moaning really loudly before Mercedes busted through the door with the others.

"This is ridiculous." I gripped a pillow from the couch, ready to throw it if she continued spewing the mess that was escaping from her mouth.

"You gay panic and smash lips with Sam. Santana goes ahead and Quinn panics, and smashes vaginas with Sadie." Her gesture was just…I won't. It was crude, I'll say that.

"I may kill you." I warned.

"As your best friend who has been kept in the closet, pun intended, about this for months, I've earned this." She laughed again at her own joke, clapping her thigh as if it was the greatest one she had ever heard.

I did laugh that time. It could be worse than this, I supposed. She could be mad.

"Until Nationals, you two are in this awkward place where you're like "you're so hot" and she's like "no, you're so hot" until one of you decide that it is time to talk about more than just hotness. Since you both are silly bitches, the talk is a disaster, and you don't talk again until school starts. You become official when Santana declares her fidelity to you to the tune of the "Drumming Song" featuring yours truly." She imitated the voices of San and I and I just shook my head. I was about to give up on correcting her.

"There were like two accurate things in that entire spiel, Mercedes." I declared, but she definitely had me smiling.

"I had to have my fun, because I've been waiting an eternity for you to admit everything to me." She sighed, and stole the pillow from my lap.

"You can't tell anyone." I stated seriously.

"Baby girl, I know your situation. My lips are sealed." She promised, and despite her gossipy ways, I believed her.

"Santana is my girlfriend." I admitted.

She clapped. She actually started clapping.

It was the first time that I had said that out loud to anyone but Santana. It felt…it felt great.

"D'aww, but really, you two need to watch yo faces if you don't want anyone else to know." She cautioned, yanking me into a brief hug.

"I try, but…" I sighed into her hug, before leaning back once again.

"But she's your heart." She finished for me.

I cocked an eyebrow at her. She's my heart? What? I mean, she has my heart for all intents and purposes.

"Yeah…I don't really know what that means." I gave her a sideways glance.

"You'll know. It's rare, but I see it. My parents are like that." She turned her palms to the ceiling.

"Thanks for understanding, in any case." I thanked her, and I really, really meant it.

"You're welcome, Quinn. First, take me back to the beginning, and then, if we have time before the family gets back, you can finally fawn to someone about how much you love the girl." She directed, and I allowed excitement to swell in my chest.

I could finally talk to someone about the most important part of my life.

This was going to be okay.