Another Time Perhaps 35.
So, I decided on three slightly shorter chapters rather than two long chapters, hope it works. x
Xxxx
It had been a fortnight since John's proposal and he was starting to get twitchy, there had been a number of occasions where she had caught him standing, looking at her, as if working his way up to saying something.
"There are things we haven't discussed." Caroline said, on one such occasion.
"Such as?" John asked.
"Children." Caroline shrugged. "Do you want them? How many do you want? When do you...?"
"Yes! Of course!" John told her. "I want children, three maybe four? Certainly more than one. I'm not sure when exactly, but one day...when it fits in, with us...do you? Do you want children?" He asked suddenly, the idea that she may not was just occurring to him.
"Yes." Caroline nodded. "Yes I do. One day." She agreed simply.
She would have to give him an answer soon. Tonight they had the house to themselves, Caroline had cooked while John was writing and now, after a bottle of wine, they had gone up to Caroline's room.
"I have something, to tell you. I'm not sure quite how you'll react... However, I think, if we were to get married, if we did, if you still wanted to..." Caroline broke off agitated before she began again. "The thing is, we have to be honest with each other, I wouldn't go into something, like marriage, unless I thought it would succeed. So I need you to know this about me, to have all the information." Caroline explained.
"Caroline! What could it possibly be?" John asked, obviously slightly bemused by the build up.
"I'll just get on with it..." She sat beside him on the bed, so she didn't have to look him in the eye. "I told you, that there was someone else, when we first met, someone that I was seeing."
"Yes." He agreed. "Is this about him? You don't have to..."
"It's not a He. Suppose we might as well get that out of the way..." She spoke calmly, steadily.
John look perplexed as he turned to study her, a small nervous laugh escaping him."Not a he? What...what do you mean?"
Caroline swallowed the heaviness lodged in her throat. "It was a she, a woman, I had a relationship with a woman."
John remained confused. "You mean? A relationship?"
"Yes. A relationship, more than friends...we were... in love." Caroline admitted the last in a quiet voice and then cleared her throat again. "Anyway. It ended and I met you, but I thought you had a right to know."
John looked shocked. "You, had a relationship, with another woman?"
"Yes." Caroline stated cooly, becoming impatient now.
"I, I'm sorry, I just, I can't, I didn't think you were...that type of girl..." John managed.
"What type of girl?" Caroline asked, suddenly the confused one.
"You know, the sort that, try things out...experiment." John explained. "It happens, I know it happens. Plenty of the lads that I know, well, they've had experiences, especially the public school boys, all locked up together, but...I never dreamt that you ..."
"It wasn't like that..." Caroline defended.
"Well no, of course, it's different for girls, you have very close friendships and...sometimes...I suppose the lines get blurred. It doesn't mean. It's nothing serious. Is this what you've been worried about? Caroline! It doesn't matter to me!" John told her warmly.
Caroline felt uneasy, she wasn't sure he had really understood the magnitude of what she was trying to say. Not that she had a dalliance, a crush, a schoolgirl romance, a summer fling. Kate had been so much more than that.
"I'm pleased that you told me, I am, that you trusted me with this, but it really doesn't make any difference to the way I feel about you. To my wish to marry you." John said with a self satisfied grin.
It wasn't quite the reaction she had expected, not that she had known what to expect, but it wasn't this. She supposed she had got off lightly. It seemed such an anti climax. Maybe she had been hoping, secretly, just a little, that he would be outraged, that he would reject her completely, withdraw his proposal. Make her decision for her.
"If that's whats been bothering you, don't let it!" John said. "It's in the past. I'm more concerned with our future." He jumped up from the bed now and knelt before her, just as he had in the restaurant, this time taking both her hands in his own. "Caroline, have you made a decision about by proposal?"
"I...I have been giving it a lot of thought John. I think..." Caroline began, but she had run out of objections, of concerns, of excuses. "I think...we should have a decent length of engagement, I don't want to marry until we have enough money to get our own place."
John hopped up from the floor. "Is that a yes?!" He checked quickly.
"I...Yes. It's a yes." Caroline confirmed.
John kissed her roughly on the mouth before rushing out of the room, down the stairs to where his coat hung and retrieving the ring box. Caroline heard him galloping back up the stairs and arriving out of breath at the door of her room.
"You have made me so happy!" He told her breathlessly as he opened the box and took out the ring.
Caroline offered her his hand and he slipped the ring on to her finger. It didn't fit, it rolled around her finger loosely and John's face fell apologetically.
"Nevermind." Caroline reassured with a smile. "We'll get it resized." She was happy to slip it off and place it back inside it's box.
Xxx
Caroline had emerged from the kitchen with her hands wrapped around her morning cup of coffee, she hadn't slept well and needed a boost before she could get started today. As she made her way into the lounge she heard the familiar sound of the morning post. The letterbox slapping and the thump of the mail hitting the floor.
Caroline stooped to pick them up as Emma joined her in the hallway. Caroline froze the second she spotted the postcard on the top of the pile she had collected. The writing was very familiar, she would recognise it anywhere and yet, just in case, her eyes sought out the name at the bottom edge. Kate. Caroline assumed for a moment that the card was for her, that Kate had decided to make contact, to make amends, to say that it was just too difficult to be without her. Yet as her eyes returned to the beginning of the message she realised her mistake. The postcard was for Emma.
"Anything for me darling?" Emma asked, moving into the lounge and expecting Caroline to join her.
Caroline quickly scanned the rest of the small postcard. It was all innoxious enough.
It's beautiful here, I am learning to cook and my Italian is improving hugely, the weather is amazing, I think I could stay here forever. The family treat me very well and the Italian boys are very attentive! Hope you're well. I'll write more when I get settled. Love Kate. Xx
Caroline read it through once more to ensure there was nothing hidden, nothing she had missed. She entered the lounge shuffling the remainder of the letters before she stood and held the post card out to Emma.
"Oh? A postcard." Emma stated with a stretch and a yawn.
"It's from Kate." Caroline informed blankly.
Emma stopped as she accepted the card and eyed the ring on Caroline's finger.
"You're wearing it." Emma pointed out needlessly.
Caroline snatched her hand back, reluctantly leaving the postcard with Emma. "Yes, I finally got around to having it resized."
Emma nodded and glanced at the card with a soft smile as she read Kate's words. Caroline sat on the chair she favoured and took another gulp of her tea.
"Caroline...darling." Emma started with a sigh. "Forgive me for asking. I know how private you are but...are you? are you sure? About John? About marrying John?"
Caroline frowned. "I thought you liked John?" She posed.
Emma nodded lightly. "I do. I like him well enough. The question is...do you?"
Caroline wriggled on her hook, pushing herself around in her seat uncomfortably. "I wouldn't have agreed to marry him if I wasn't sure Emma, you know me better than that..."
"Perhaps." Emma agreed. "Sometimes I think I know you better than anyone Caroline, sometimes I don't feel I know you at all." She admitted honestly.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Caroline demanded.
Emma looked at the postcard in her hand and looked back at Caroline warily before shaking her head and changing the subject.
Xxx
"Caroline!" Emma called from the hall.
Caroline popped her head around the banister, she had heard the phone ring but she usually left it for Emma to answer as she received the vast majority of calls.
"Phone call darling." Emma informed as Caroline made her way quickly down the stairs. "I think it's your Father." She whispered, her hand wrapped around the mouthpiece.
"Thanks." Caroline accepted the phone and watched as Emma went back into the lounge. Why would her Dad be calling? She could count the number of times he had rung her here on one hand, but then things between them were changing and perhaps this was part of it.
"Hello? Dad?" Caroline asked.
"Yes, hello Caroline, it's me." He began. "I've been meaning to give you a call. I'm sorry we weren't around the other week, when you brought your young man home. Margaret especially wanted to meet him."
"Well, I'm sure they'll be other opportunities." Caroline told him.
"Yes, yes I'm sure." He replied sounding somewhat subdued. "It's not really that I'm ringing about entirely. Theres something else. Something else I wanted us to discuss and well...I don't like to do it over the phone... I thought perhaps I could pop in, this evening? I'm half way to you anyway with work today, so it'd be easy enough, if you're about?"
"Yes, I'll be here." Caroline agreed.
"Only, I wanted to have a word about something...and I'll be on my own, so maybe just the two of us?" He suggested.
"Fine. That's fine. What time do you think you'll get here?" Caroline questioned, becoming quite intrigued.
"Around six I should think. Alright love? I'll see you then." The line went dead and Caroline was left trying to guess what he might have to speak to her about.
The first thing that occurred to her was that he may want to marry Margaret, but Caroline knew that her mother would never agree to a divorce so it couldn't be that. Perhaps they were moving away? Margaret was too old to be having a baby.
Then suddenly she was gripped with fear, could he have possibly found out something about her? Something he didn't like? Since she had told John her secret she felt oddly exposed, but he would never speak to anyone about it and certainly not her Dad, they hadn't even been introduced yet. She was certain that Celia wouldn't dare to speak to her husband about it, would she? Not now, not when she thought everything was blowing over. Speaking of it to anyone other than Caroline would probably somehow make it real and her mother definitely didn't want that. No. She was worrying needlessly, it was likely something and nothing, she would find out later.
Xxx
A/N- Back soon xx