A/N: Thanks to everyone that has stuck with me through the last rather rough chapter. I promise that this one ends on a happy note. I would also like to say a big thank you to Yestare70 for his continued efforts at proofreading this ongoing story, always being there for me to bounce ideas off of and providing his honest feedback. If you're interested in a post ME3 fic with lots of gooey icky fluff, I suggest you go and give his fic a read as well.
Chapter 34 - Where Have You Been?
Shepard lifted her head slowly. Voices were shouting in the distance.
"Necessary?! You think these were necessary?!"
She could easily recognize the angry tone as Doctor Chakwas' voice as they seemed to be getting closer.
"Where exactly did you study medical ethics?"
"Humanity needs her at-"
Miranda's Australian accent cut into the conversation before being promptly being drowned out by her senior's.
"I don't care about the rest of humanity right now. In this sick bay Shepard is my patient, and what I say is law within these walls. I will not have you or any other member of Cerberus telling me what is and isn't necessary for my patients. Do I make myself clear?"
Shepard smiled to herself as she pictured the scolding glare Chakwas was giving Miranda. Having repeatedly been on the receiving end of it, she knew Miranda had to be shaking in her tight thigh high boots.
"Crystal," came the reluctant reply.
"Now, get me the schematics I asked for," Chakwas ordered.
Shepard smiled to herself and waited until she heard to door to the sick bay open and close again, taking the tap of Miranda's heels with it before she started to push herself into a sitting position. Jane finally tried to open her eyes as she lifted her head, but the world around her remained in complete darkness. Panicking, she pulled her arms up from beneath the covers and moved her hands to her head, finding a thick bandage wrapped over her eyes.
"Calm down Shepard," a voice soothed as two hands gently pulled her arms away from her head.
"What's happening?" Jane asked as she let her hands be manoeuvred back towards the bedding.
"Well, about ten hours ago I got an urgent message from EDI that I was required in your bathroom. I got there to find you sitting in a puddle of your own blood after gouging the optical implants off of your eye sockets. You used the handle of a spoon of all things!" Chakwas snapped. "What could possibly have possessed you to think that was a good idea?"
"Seemed like a good idea at the time," Jane mumbled.
"You're lucky you didn't cause any serious nerve damage! I'm worried Shepard. This kind of break isn't like you," the doctor queried as Shepard felt a cool, reassuring hand on the back of her own. "What do you remember?"
"Not a lot to be honest," Shepard shrugged. "I was... scared. Ever since I woke up in that lab I haven't quite felt like... me. I've been told I died, but I don't remember it, and I keep questioning if anything is real or the truth. For all know, I'm a copy that Cerberus created to discredit the real Commander Shepard." She felt her eyes begin to well up as emotions she had buried and tried to ignore flooded to the surface. The wounds beneath her bandages began to sting as she sobbed, "I don't even know if Liara could recognise me. I haven't been able to contact her. Does she even... after two years?"
"You're still you. No matter how many implants and scars you get Liara will know you're you. And it may have been two years, but she's an asari. That's the equivalent of about two months of our lifespan," Chakwas soothed before forcing a change of topic. "How well have you been sleeping?"
"I think I've had about eight hours."
"That's good for you. You never got more than six while we were after Saren."
"Since I woke up on Lazarus station."
"That's more than a week ago!," Chakwas exclaimed, her voice filling with worry and concern once again. "Shepard, no wonder you always look tired. You can't possibly keep going like this, and running into combat!"
"And I'm having nightmares every time I close my eyes. I wake up screaming and I don't remember why or what I was dreaming about."
"Why didn't you come straight to me about this?" the medical officer asked as she gave her patient's handle a gentle squeeze.
"I don't know. At first you weren't there. I just had Miranda to deal with all of the time. Then, you appeared, and Joker, and I just thought everything would be okay. That things would go back to the way they were, but they're not. Even with Garrus here. I'm just not me. I can't be the same person I was."
"And trying to gouge out your eyes helped how exactly?" Chakwas asked, starting to sound slightly amused.
"Good idea at the time," Shepard repeated before she let out a snort of laughter.
"We all do some crazy things, but you're going to need some help Shepard. There's a councillor on the ship. You should speak with her about this," Chakwas urged.
"I am not speaking to some Cerberus lapdog about this," Jane snapped. "I don't trust her, and I'm not going to start spilling out everything that's wrong with me so that the Illusive Man can read her notes. No!"
"I'm afraid I can only offer you something to help manage the symptoms then. It all sounds like you're suffering from PTSD. It's psychological Shepard. The drugs I can give you can help prevent any more episodes from occurring, but I can't do much to help with your sleep deprivation. With your fast metabolism I'd have to give you enough tablets to drop a krogan. Sooner or later you need to face what's causing this. Your death. Drugs cannot be a permanent solution to this."
"I'll think about it ," Jane mumbled quietly, more to herself than the doctor next to her. "So when can I get these bandages off?" She pointed up towards her covered eyes.
"I'm afraid that's some bad news. The implants were doing more than simply enhancing your vision. They were also responsible for aiding a damaged section of your optic nerve. While it will eventually be repaired by the nanites in your blood stream, that will still take years."
"So I'm... blind? I can't see anything?" Jane asked. She forced herself to remain calm, but couldn't keep a small waver from appearing in her voice.
"No, you can see, but your vision is impaired. You would probably be able to see light and dark shapes if I took your bandages off now, but I think there is an alternative," Chakwas responded, her voice gradually filling with a happier tone. "I did some research into the data from the Lazarus project that I was supplied with. Originally they only planned to restore your vision, not enhance it. The schematics for the alternative chip should be complete and in Miranda's files. The only thing they didn't do was manufacture them."
"You're going to stick another chip in me to do exactly the same thing the last one did?" Shepard sighed, sounding incredibly unenthused about the idea.
"No. We're going to use a chip designed only to aid your optic nerve in function and promote its recovery. Eventually the chip will become redundant. I just need Miranda to provide me with the schematics."
"And then you slice me back open to attach the new chip?"
"To be honest, I want to spend as little time poking around your nervous system as possible. Quite frankly, it's a mess. Miranda says your nanites are able to maintain, repair and even build your implants should the need arise, but it'll take them several days. She's not happy with the idea because it's going to slow the work they are doing on your spine, but it's the safest option."
"Doesn't sound like I really have much of a choice if I want to be able to see again, but thanks Doc... it sounds great," Shepard said with a small smile. "No more silvery aura?"
"Garrus mentioned something about that. No, no more alterations to your vision," the doctor replied reassuringly with a gentle pat of Shepard's hand.
"Garrus," Shepard groaned. "What does he... what does the crew know?"
"To Miranda's disgust, the official line on the ship is that one of your implants malfunctioned. Since she isn't willing to pretend that it's her failure, the cause is listed as damage from your combat time yesterday. The crew doesn't know a thing. As for Garrus, I'm letting you decide what you want to tell him."
"The truth," Shepard sighed. "All of it. I can't expect him to watch my back if I can't trust him. Besides, this can't be as embarrassing as everything that happened while I was in denial about Liara back on the SR-1," Shepard replied, laughing to herself and shaking her head in disbelief as she finished.
"Would you like me to get him? I believe he spent most of the day tinkering with the ship's guns."
"What time is it?!"
"About nine pm by the ship's clock."
"Well there goes the day," Jane sighed. "Please tell me we're on route to the Citadel?"
"We launched this morning. I believe Agent Lawson knew that was your intended destination and saw to it that we would arrive there on time. I get the impression that your achievements yesterday made an impression on her."
"Good to know something gets through that cold exterior," Jane laughed before she heard the door to the medical bay opened. To her relief, she didn't hear the tapping of Miranda's heeled boots walking into the room.
"Agent Lawson asked me to bring you this," the sickeningly cheery voice of Shepard's Yeoman called out.
"Thank you Kelly," Doctor Chakwas replied. Her voice became fainter as she turned away from Shepard. "That's... very kind of you."
"I was glad to help," the younger voice chirped. "How is the Commander?"
"Awake," Jane snapped before the Doctor could reply. "And hopefully on the mend if Miranda sent you with what I think she did."
"Err... Sorry Commander," Kelly mumbled quietly.
"It is, Shepard," Chakwas answered as her omni-tool chimed. "With a little help from Miranda, I should have everything ready to go in about an hour. I'll go get started."
"If you want, Shepard, we could talk for a bit?" the psychologist offered.
"Actually I'd like to make a call." Jane reached for her left wrist, finding her wrist bare. "Could you pass me my Omni-tool please Doc?"
"Sure thing Shepard," Chakwas replied seconds before an object landed in her lap. "Can you use it okay?"
"I should be fine," she replied as she secured the device around her wrist.
"We'll give you some privacy then," Doctor Chakwas stated, before two pairs of forced footsteps left the room.
Jane waited for the door to close after them before she began manipulating the device's interface. With several swift motions of her fingers she brought up the desired contact on the display. She paused, unable to bring herself to begin the call. What should I say? How do I even begin to explain being alive? I hope she won't be angry. Hesitantly, she selected the 'audio only' option, and waited.
"Captain Shepard speaking," a tired voice came with the eventual reply.
"Err, hi Mum," an incredibly uncertain and feeble voice said in greeting.
Shepard jumped as she heard the sound of crockery breaking on the cold hard floors of an Alliance ship's decking. Given the time of the call, it was probably the cup of herbal tea her mother always drank before going to bed. The line was silent for several seconds before a response came.
"Who is this?" The voice of her mother no longer showed any signs of weariness. It was sharp, suspicious and angry.
"Mum, it's Jane," she replied. Her voice wavered slightly as she forced out her own name.
"My daughter died two years ago!" her mother snapped. " If this is just some sort of sick joke, I will see that you regret it!"
"No, Mum, it's really me," Jane answered with a small sob on the last word. She fumbled with her omni-tool as she offered video. "Look at me Mum."
The channel was quiet for several seconds until her omni-tool eventually beeped as the offer was accepted. "Janey? My little Janey?" A loud sob followed it on the channel. "You're not gone?"
"No Mum, I'm right here," Jane cried back in response.
"But... two years? You've been gone for two years!" A hint of the anger that had been present before reappeared in the senior's voice. "How could you let me, anyone, think you were dead for two years?"
"I didn't. I was," Shepard sobbed. "Two years ago I was killed. Then I woke up a week ago in some sterile lab."
"Where have you been, some sort of undercover mission? Had they changed your appearance? Oh, Janey, your eyes," her mother sobbed, clearly looking at the bandage. "Was it a Spectre mission?"
"Mum, please, listen to me. I was dead. I died. I got spaced in an attack on the Normandy. It did happen, all of it. It was real. I died and I was brought back to life last week."
The comm channel sat empty, transmitting nothing but silence for several incredibly long seconds.
"But... Why? How? Who?"
"Cerberus," Shepard muttered. "The Illusive Man thinks that humanity needs me to stop the Reapers. As for how, it's just a lot of medical mumbo jumbo involving some fancy, and expensive, implants." She tilted her head, hoping to gave her mother a better angle to see some of the visible implants around her head.
"But... there was a service for you, and the other members of the Normandy's crew."
Jane gulped.
"Is that where you are now, with Cerberus?" Hannah asked sounding concerned.
"Yeh," Jane replied with a nod.
"Are you working for them? Are they forcing you to work for them?"
"No. Yes. Sort of. It's complicated. Human colonists are being attacked by a race called the collectors. The Illusive man asked me to investigate the disappearances and stop them. How could I say no?"
"But you're free to leave if you wanted to?"
"Yes... probably," Jane replied, sounding very uncertain. "I certainly don't think they could stop me... normally."
"Your eyes, they'll heal, right?" her mother asked with a small sob. "You always had such beautiful strong eyes. Your father had-"
"-green eyes too. I know Mum. And, don't worry. They'll be fine in a couple of days. Miracles of modern medicine, right?" Shepard forced a smile. "A thug on Omega just got a bit too close with a flashbang."
"That's good Sweetie."
Shepard could picture her mother smiling at her, probably fighting back tears. "So... how was my funeral?" Jane blurted out. "I have to ask..."
"The local government on Elysium named a plaza in their capital city after you," Hannah explained, laughing lightly, a few sniffs breaking up the soft chuckles. Jane groaned in response before her mother continued. "They built you a fountain in the centre of it with 'Shepard Memorial Plaza' calved into it."
Jane sighed as she let her head fall against her free hand. "Just tell me there isn't a statue," she groaned.
"There isn't a statue. I heard there was plans for one originally, but a member of the admiralty saw to it that it was removed from the plans. I believe that Councillor Anderson convinced him it was a bad idea," Hannah replied as her daughter breathed a sigh of relief.
"So... Did you get a chance to meet any of my crew from back then?" Jane asked, sounding both eager and nervous, depending on what her mother's opinion of Liara would be.
"I did. There was a very tightly knit group of aliens and humans that I gather were your team. Seemed like a very... abstract group."
"That sounds about right," Shepard chuckled. "Did any of them stand out?"
"I don't think it's possible for a krogan not to stand out in a crowd of humans, but I can see why you let them all join you," Hannah replied softly. "That turian in particular, if he was telling the truth about how good a shot he was. What was his name, Vavarian?"
"Vakarian," Jane replied with a small laugh. "And, yeh, he is definitely as good with a rifle as he says he is. Actually, he's onboard right now, working with me again. I pulled his ass out from the sights of a few hundred mercenaries he'd pissed off."
"Jane, language!" her mother snapped.
"Erm, sorry Mum," Jane replied. She could feel the faint heat of a blush spreading across her freckled cheeks. "So, did anyone else stand out?"
"I was surprised at the quarian. She seemed to be so incredibly young."
"She was," Jane muttered. "She seems all grown up now though, I bumped into her on a colony a few days ago."
"And that marine had potential too. Williams was it? I think I heard she got a promotion a while ago. Unfortunately I don't hear quite as much as I use to without handling an admiral's business for him. They've got me captaining the Orizaba now. Can't say I mind the bigger quarters, but they can be a bit spartan. I mean, just look at this wall."
"Err, Mum... The bandage... The wall could have polka dots on it for all I can tell."
"Sorry Sweetie," Hannah apologized, still sounding concerned.
"But, back to my crew, what did you think of Liara?"
"Who Sweetie?"
"The asari archaeologist that I was working with catching Saren."
"I'm afraid the only two asari I recall seeing there were the Asari Councillor and a diplomat by the name of... Dantius? I think. Anyway, your team didn't seem very fond of either of them, although the brass ensured to introduce me."
"You mean, no other asari where there?" Jane asked slowly as she tried to process the implications.
"I think I heard a few things about an Asari... She was the one you were sweet on if my memory serves me."
"I need to go!" Shepard stated in a panic before sitting up to get out of the bed.
"But Sweetie, we've got so much to catch up on."
"I'm sorry Mum, but this is important," Jane said apologetically. "I'll call you again soon. I promise."
She cut the channel as she practically leapt from the bed, up onto her feet. Fairly certain that the exit was somewhere to her right once she reached the foot of her bed, she turned and walked briskly towards it, using the foot of each bed she passed to help keep her position in check. Reaching out with her left hand, she eventually felt the cool surface of the exit. She ran her hand along the surface until she found the interface and tapped it to open the door. She stepped through as soon as she heard it slide open and stepped through into the ship's common are. Finding herself directionless, with no idea where she needed to go, she was left with only one option.
"Chakwas!?"
"What is going on?" a scolding voice asked her a few moments later as a set of footsteps approached her.
"I need to speak to Garrus!" Shepard stated as she heard the footsteps circle around behind her. She jumped when she felt a hand tug at the back of the hospital gown she was wearing. "What are you doing?"
"Covering up your back you blithering idiot," Chakwas sighed. "Now, let's get you back into bed. You can talk to him in the morning."
"I need to see him now!" she insisted. "This is important, it's about Liara." There was a long pause before she felt an arm hook around hers.
"I don't know why I even bother trying to argue anymore," Chakwas sighed before gently pulling Shepard off to one side. "If you're too stubborn to stay dead, I'm certainly not going to change your mind. I think he's in the main battery."
"Guess he just couldn't resist a big gun," Shepard smirked.
"Two steps," Came the warning, just before Jane kicked the first one and yelped in pain.
"Next time, remind me to wear shoes," she complained.
"You decided this was a good idea, not me," Chakwas rebuked her. "If you want shoes, you're on your own. I'm just here to make sure you don't get seriously injured tripping over."
"I grew up on starships. I think I could have found my way to the weapons battery if I had to," Jane protested.
"Then why did you call for me?"
Shepard sighed, leaving a long pause before she begrudgingly admitted, "Because I couldn't actually find him on my own."
"Glad you can admit it," Chakwas stated as she brought them both to a stop. A moment later Shepard heard a door open in front of them. "Hello again Garrus," the doctor greeted. "I thought I told you to take it easy?"
"Just checking the weapons systems. No heavy lifting, I promise," Garrus chuckled. "Good to see you up too Shep."
"Against my better judgement," Chakwas commented before Shepard could respond.
"It's just for a little while, I assure you," Shepard promised. "Got anywhere I can sit Garrus? I don't want to keep the kind doctor here just to babysit me."
"I want you back in the medical bay tonight. No wandering up to your cabin," Chakwas instructed as she withdrew her arm from around Shepard's. "Garrus, I'll hold you responsible if she isn't."
"You might as well take my head now," Garrus scoffed. "There's a crate in the corner to your right Shepard. Can you find it on your own?"
Doctor Chakwas left quietly, while Shepard found her way to the crate by following the wall until she kicked the heavy box.
"So, what did you have to come see me about?" Garrus asked once she had seated herself.
Shepard lifted her head to look directly at him. He could feel her stare, despite her current state of blindness. The white bandage wrapped around her head only served to make the comparatively small human's appearance even more intimidating.
"Why wasn't Liara at my funeral?"
Garrus remained silent, unable to come up with anything that he thought would be a satisfying answer while Shepard looked to be scrutinizing him.
"Where was she Garrus?" the commander asked again after several seconds of silence.
"I have no idea," the turian eventually admitted quietly. "She took it incredibly hard after the Normandy was destroyed. She kept saying that you couldn't be dead. She really believed it."
"But what happened Garrus?"
"She... she left."
"Left?" Shepard snapped. "What do you mean 'she left'? Garrus, this is Liara! What, you all just let her run off into the galaxy in search of a ghost?"
"You think we didn't try to stop her? We all tried to talk her out of it, but she wouldn't hear it. We couldn't get through to her," Garrus explained. "What else could we have done?"
"Stopped her!" Jane shouted. "What, did she go back to Alchera? To the Omega Nebula?"
"I don't know. Possibly. I tried to trace where she went once I got back to C-Sec, but there wasn't much of a trail. She cut off all the contact she had with the Armali University, withdrew a large amount of credits from the T'Soni estate, and then vanished."
She left the university? Her work on the protheans. That's what the Illusive Man told me, but he also said she was working for the Shadow Broker, but that just doesn't seem possible.
"Garrus, could she have turned to the Shadow Broker to help find me? The Illusive Man said that she was working for him, which means she's alive, but... would Liara do that?"
"I don't know. She seemed desperate. She was determined to find you, and I don't think she would have let anything stand in her way," Garrus mused. "It's possible she dealt with him, but I doubt she'd work for them, at least not willingly."
"But, we do know for certain that she's not dead?" Shepard's voice contained a quiet note of doubt. "I mean, if the Illusive Man told me Liara had died I very much doubt I'd be on this mission right now."
"If Liara had died, there would have been a grab for the T'Soni estate. Liara doesn't have any siblings does she?" Garrus asked.
Shepard shrugged in response. "Not that I'm aware of. Family was a bit of a no-go topic after I killed Benezia," Jane replied quietly.
"Yeh," Garrus commented, sounding uncomfortable. "Well, if the Matriarchy on Thessia believed her to be dead, they would issue an order that she return to claim the household. If she doesn't, the property is granted to the closest relation they can find."
"So, they know she's not dead?" Shepard concluded.
"If she was, it would have been all over the news networks. I'd have heard something, even on Omega."
"Thanks Garrus," Shepard said with a smile. "You're quite well informed on asari law?"
"C-Sec have to deal with members of every race. While the citadel has its own laws and rules, we do have to deal with issues such as inheritance in the same manner that a victim's own race would. Can get quite complicated in cases such as Asari-Salarian couples."
"I don't think I want to know," Shepard laughed, cautiously pushing herself up to her feet. "I should get back to the medi-bay before Chakwas decides to kill me. Could you give me a hand?" she reluctantly requested.
"Of course," Garrus replied sounding slightly startled just before a set of talons grabbed onto Shepard's forearm.
The Commander quickly snatched her arm out of the turian's grip before she placed her palm onto his arm. "I need you to lead, I don't need pulling along after you." Shepard smiled when Garrus hesitated for a moment. "After you."