Happy Wednesday Everyone!

I'm so sorry I missed an update last week. It factored down to numerous things and time just got away from me and, although the chapter was fundamentally done, it needed some tweaking. I know this weeks chapter is shorter than what I usually post but my muse took a vacation and I couldn't find the words. You'll be glad to know that all is back on track again and next week we'll be back to your regular chapter lengths.

To those of you who sent pm with concerns about my lack of posting, the fact you care enough to take the time to message me to ensure all is well means more to me than you could ever imagine. I don't think anyone could have kind, more caring readers. Hugs and Kisses to you all.

Special thanks to my beta, cjgwilliams, who's had an incredibly hectic work week, and weekend. Please know how much I appreciate your precious time, time that could be spent catching up on some much needed sleep. You are beyond fantastic.

There were a couple of reviews that I can't answer to personally because their PM is disabled, so to those who've left a review and I didn't response to, thanks for your reviews. I'm glad you are still enjoying the story.

And so on to this chapter...

Chapter 36

Tris and Four walked side-by-side down the corridor after leaving Jack's office, Tris' eyes every so often, flickering to Fours, unable to read him and gauge how he was processing what he had heard. There was a noticeable distance between them as they moved. Tris felt that distance to be as wide as an ocean and only hoped they could find their way back to each other soon.

She gave a start when she felt Four's little finger brush against her hand, it's caress tentative and sure, and exhaled gratefully when his palm slid across hers, their fingers entwining again. She didn't think he could ever understand how safe she felt with just his hand holding hers. She was aware there was still a hesitation from him, like a fear; he was afraid she would just hurt him again. She just hoped he saw how much it had taken for her to let him into her therapy session, to hear the ugly truth, something she always tried so much to keep buried deep inside her.

They entered the dining room, neither with much of an appetite but both aware they needed a meal. After collecting their food from the buffet-style carts they headed to a private table, Tris all too aware of the many eyes following them and she briefly wondered how many of The Dauntless knew what had happened the previous evening.

She watched as Four half-heartedly tucked into his meatloaf and mashed potatoes and she distractedly pushed her grilled chicken around her plate. She felt drained and exhausted, like her emotions had taken a turn in a tumble dryer and knew he felt just as washed out as she did.

"Are you okay?" he finally asked, quietly.

"I'm exhausted," she admitted.

He nodded his head in understanding. It had been a long day for the both of them, with little sleep the night before.

"So," she started. "About what Jack suggested. Is that something you want to try?"

"What? Taking control during sex?" He asked, still unsure of how she felt about this.

Tris nodded shyly. "I meant it when I said I would try, ya know. If that's what you want to do: to control me, dominate me."

Four exhaled softly as he placed his fork against his plate. "It's not about dominating you, Tris, it's about helping you overcome the horrors you've experienced. It's about you being willing to trust me with your body."

"And controlling me during sex will do that?" She asked, her voice waveringly slightly as the nervousness inside her rose.

"I don't know, Tris, but I'm willing to try if you are," Four told her sincerely.

"Honestly, the thought scares the hell out of me," she admitted. "But I know you won't hurt me and you'll stop if I ask. I trust you."

Four flashed her a half smile. "So, have you picked a safe word?"

She shook her head before spearing a piece of chicken. "I'll think of something," she said a slight smirk pulling at her lips. As he shook his head, his smile growing, her heart fluttered. They would make it, she was becoming more and more sure about it.

She turned her head as she lifted her glass of iced tea and saw Tori sitting with Marlene at a table across the room. She winced as she remembered the distraught look Tori had when she followed Peter into his room. "I need to talk to Tori," she said absentmindedly.

"Okay," Four answered around a mouthful of food. She moved to stand and Four stopped her. "Now?"

"Now's as good a time as ever," she returned.

Four pointed to her food with his knife. "Finish your dinner first, Tris. You've hardly eaten a thing all day."

"That's because you ate my half at lunch," she moaned good naturedly as she settled back into her seat.

After they finished eating, they returned their dinnerware to the appropriate section of the hall and moved to the side slightly. "Why don't you head on up," Tris suggested. "I'm just gonna have a quick word with Tori."

"Okay," Four agreed. They looked awkwardly at each other for a moment, before Four leaned forward and tenderly kissed her lips. "Don't be long."

She watched him leave. "I won't," she whispered.

She moved over to the table were Tori was chatting with Marlene, both plates empty before them as the pair lingered. She cleared her throat. "Tori, do you have a minute?"

"Of course," Tori smiled to her, before saying to Marlene as she stood. "We'll finish this later."

Tris narrowed her eyes at Marlene. "What's going on?"

"Nothing that can't wait," Marlene said cryptically. "We'll talk later."

"Okay," Tris acknowledged cautiously, suddenly realizing just how out of touch she'd become with her friends. With all the drama in her life right now, she'd neglected them and she made a silent vow to correct that. She turned and followed Tori out of the dining room.

"I just wanted to apologize for yesterday," Tris said as they walked down the hallway. "For not listening to you when I should have."

Tori cast a gaze over to her friend, a reluctant smile pulling at her lips as she directed Tris into an empty room.

"I was really worried about you but things seem to have worked out with you and Four," Tori probed.

"In a strained way," Tris admitted.

"Can I ask what happened? Did you sleep with Peter?" Tori asked as she lowered herself onto a couch.

"I didn't have sex with Peter, but I made some mistakes," Tris told her.

"And Four forgave you?"

"Not completely, but we're working on it." Tris exhaled wearily. "I hurt him and I think I've lost his faith in me. He doesn't completely trust me anymore but I'm working on getting that back." Tris watched as Tori processed what she had said, as she bit her lip before continuing. "I took him to a therapy session with Jack, and I told him everything."

Tori's mouth stretched into a wide smile. "Oh, Tris. That's huge step."

Tris nodded. "I should have told him sooner," she admitted, stuffing her hands in her pockets.

"You weren't ready," Tori said sympathetically.

"I still wasn't ready. But I don't think I would ever have been ready." Tris sighed. "I feel awful, Tori."

"Why?"

"Because…because a part of me resents the pressure he put onto me to tell him everything. I love him, I didn't want him to know, I didn't want him to have a reason to hate me."

"Yet you almost slept with Peter," Tori reasoned.

"I wouldn't have had sex with Peter," Tris huffed. "I love Four."

"But you willingly went into his room after I begged you not to do something stupid," Tori reasoned. She wanted to make sure Tris understood just how bad her judgment was that night.

"Yes, and I've said I'm sorry. Do you want me to say it again?" Tris couldn't hide her irritability at being reminded once again of her mistake but when Tori snapped her head back slightly at the bite in her words, Tris sighed again.

"I'm sorry, Tori. I'm tried and cranky," Tris explained. "But, I am sorry. Sorry I didn't listen to you when you tried to steer me in the right direction. And you were right, I almost made the biggest mistake of my life." Tris grabbed Tori's hands as she plopped down onto the couch beside her. "I can't promise I will always take your advice, but I can promise I will make a more conscious effect to listen to you, really listen to you."

Tori smiled at Tris. "You're gonna be all right, Tris. You and Four will make it. I know it."

"I'm certainly not giving him up without a fight."

…

Four was standing before one of the large windows when she entered their room, his gaze trained on the grounds behind the great house.

"I forgot to tell you," Tris said in greeting as Four turned to her. "Uncle Mason agreed to let Peter go."

"Peter's out?" He asked skeptically.

"Yep," Tris answered with a punctuating nod of her head. "I had to threaten to leave if he didn't agree, though."

Four's brow furrowed slightly, wondering what kind of man would willing let a man stay within The Dauntless when he proved to be so volatile. Especially against his own niece. "Like I said," Four smiled to her, "I won't be sorry to see him gone."

"Me neither," Tris agreed as she stepped closer, tentatively, as though she was expecting him to reject her. He smiled as he opened his arms and Tris closed the distance that separated them. She curled into his embrace, deeply inhaling his scent.

Four held her head to him, content to have her in his arms, the warmth and curves of her body calling out to him, enticing him as always. "Thank you," he said, his voice cracking slightly with emotion.

"What for?" she mumbled against his chest.

"For telling me everything. For trusting me with that." He inched back from her and she tensed a little, but he smiled as he gently pressed his lips against hers, a hand grazing her hip reassuringly. "I don't know if you realize just how much it means to me."

Tris lifted his hand from her and kissed his palm before bringing it to her cheek. She rubbed his hand against her soft skin, smiling up at him at the roughness of his hand against her cheek.

He kissed her again, just as slowly, softly. She opened her mouth, pulling his tongue into its warmth so he could lick and tease the inside with strokes that made her whole body tremble with need and want for him.

When they pulled apart, she smiled at him. "We should stop, before things get to where we can't stop."

"Why?"

"Because you need to trust me. You said no alcohol or sex to distract from what's happening in our lives," she explained.

"What if I want to initiate sex?" he asked, his lips trailing along her jaw.

"So it's okay for you, but not for me?" she asked, tilting her head to give him more access.

"Well, yeah. For me, it's not to sidetrack you so I don't have to talk," he reasoned, his lips spreading into a smirk when she shuddered against him. "For me, it's because I love you and I want to show you how much I love you."

"It's that for me, too," she returned breathlessly. When he pulled away from her with an annoyed look, she grinned. "Well, 95% of the time it is. No, it's that 100% of the time, it just benefits us both when I don't want to talk."

He couldn't stop the huff of laughter that erupted from him at her words and he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close to him and sighing with pleasure.

He'd thought about what she had said in Jack's office while waiting for her. He could now understand why she had been so reluctant to tell him everything. Not because she was completely ashamed about what she had been through, she was, but that's not what held the truth from him. It was her fear he wouldn't love her if he knew everything. That fear made him regret he forced the truth from her. Part of him felt no better than that bastard who raped her. He had forced something from her she wasn't ready to give.

He needed her to know that he wanted her, needed her in a primal way, and that would never change. It wasn't as much about the sex as it was the intimacy, the trust. He wanted Tris to feel as though there was no part of her she needed to hide from him, that she would never feel anything but pleasure from his touch. Four believed they could be together permanently but he wanted HER to believe it too. He tilted her head up to meet his gaze. He smiled and brushed his lips against hers tenderly, moving back to see her eyes fluttering close. He returned to her lips, applying more pressure this time, before running his tongue along the seam of her lips, requesting entrance into her mouth. She sighed as she opened her mouth, accepting his tongue with a caress of her own.

Their kiss heated up, Four moving a hand to her jaw to direct her mouth to where he wanted it. When they pulled away, his hissed against her ear. "Do you have a safe word?" He didn't wait for an answer, his lips dancing over the skin just below her ear and down her neck, making it impossible for Tris to think.

"I…Not…" she fumbled with her words, before blurting out. "Eggplant."

Four pulled away slightly, tilting his head to look at her, his eyes dancing with amusement. "Eggplant?"

"Yeah," she breathed out before pulling his lips back to hers. She loved kissing him, it made every part of her tingle and she reveled in the feeling of his hard body against hers.

Four pulled back once more. "Are you okay to try this?"

She didn't answer. She tentatively tugged at his shirt, pulling at the fastenings and material as she pushed the fabric aside slightly so she could place her hands against his bare chest, his button-down shirt hanging limply from his shoulders.

Four chuckled at her sudden shyness and deliberately trailed his hands down her body slowly, making her push her frame hard against his again and drawing a moan deep from her throat, the heat within her building.

Her hands moved to his belt, now fumbling frantically with the buckle before she finally released it with a triumphant grin. Her fingers then moved onto the buttons of his fly, groaning slightly that the process of ridding him of his clothes was taking too long.

Four pulled back from her, his hand reaching to slowly caress her cheek with his knuckles. "Slow down, Tris. I'm not going anywhere."

"You promise?" she asked, her voice quivering slightly. She'd come so close, so close to losing him.

"I promise," he pledged.

Tris inhaled slowly before exhaling and glancing up at him, flashing him a coy look. "Four," she moaned, and he grinned at her eagerness. This was the girl he loved.

He moved her back toward the bed slowly, kissing her lazily again, taking his time as though they needed to get reacquainted after being apart for weeks, not just one night. He removed her clothing at a leisurely pace, kissing each stretch of newly revealed skin as the material was peeled away. Tris was becoming delirious at his touch, his hands, fingers, lips, teeth and tongue gently pushed her closer and closer to the edge. Four smirked down at the girl in his arms, loving her appreciation for his touch before stopping, hearing her groan with frustration before continuing, stoking the fire building within her more and more.

Too much time passed before he moved off her body, standing at the foot of the bed, his eyes wandering freely over her fully-aroused state. She was quivering slightly, the need within her almost too much to bear.

Tris opened her eyes to see him smirking at her. "Whatcha doing, Bear?" she asked lazily, a hand trailing across her abdomen, hoping to entice him into speeding things along.

"Looking at you," he replied huskily.

"Like what ya see?" she asked with a wink.

"Hell, yeah," he countered.

"Why?" She probed, suddenly serious, curious still at why this man loved her so after her constant pushing him out.

"Because you're beautiful in every way possible."

She lifted her hand from her feverish skin, crooking her finger at him, enticing him to come closer.

Four moved quickly, stripping himself of his shirt and jeans and within seconds he was crawling up her body again, his mouth leaving a hot trail against her flesh as he went.

He entered her slowly, steadily, his eyes holding hers. Tris grinned to him as she lifted her hips, urging him deeper as her hand twisted down to clasp his ass, pulling him closer.

He withdrew and pushed back just as slowly, earning a frustrated growl from Tris and he couldn't stop the chuckle that escaped his throat at her expression.

"Four," she moaned, "please."

"Please, what?" He whispered into her ear before biting the lobe playfully and repeating the actions of his lower body just as tortuously slow as before.

"Faster," she breathed out just as he shifted slightly, grazing against her g-spot.

Four trailed his hand down her arm, still moving slowly, until he reached her wrist, then he moved her arm up, twisting his hand into hers, entwining their fingers and pressing their joined hands against the pillow over her head.

"Okay?" He asked her, and she knew he was talking about the pressure on her hand. Tris nodded, drawing her lip up between her teeth. He had held her hand down like this before and she was fine as long as it was just one, giving her control with of the other.

He shifted his weight slightly again, stopping his movements as he reached cautiously for her other hand. She watched him, her eyes wide as he moved that one too, joining her hands above her head. He held both her small wrists in his large hand, his other moving back down her body until it stopped at her hip. He grasped her tightly as he started to move against her again, still slow and steady, his hand holding her wrists pressed down into her pillows, holding her in place, his eyes burrowing into hers.

Tris closed her eyes at the sensation of being held like this, not uncomfortably but restraining, nonetheless. Her hands were useless to her in this moment, and her hips were being controlled by him. Her heart pounded frantically and not from his touch, but from the fear that raged within her. Rationally, she knew it was Four holding her like this, and he would never hurt her, never force anything sexually from her she wasn't willing to give, but she couldn't quell the anxiety that built within her anyway.

"Tris," Four whispered softly. "Open your eyes."

Tris shook her head slightly, afraid to open her eyes, that her mind would play tricks on her, and it wouldn't be Four's puppy brown eyes she would see above her, but hard, soulless black ones that haunted her dreams.

"Tris," he tried again, his lips brushing across each closed eyelid. "Please."

Tris swallowed nervously, a moan escaping her lips again at Four's continued movement within her. He felt good, oh so good, and she opened her eyes, staring straight into his warm chocolate ones, and she shivered at what she saw there: nothing but love and devotion.

"Faster," Tris pleaded, her eyes expressing her wish, as well as her voice.

"No," he smirked to her, his hand moving from her hip, lifting her leg higher against his waist, opening her more for him, then placing his hand on the mattress beside her.

"Tobias," Tris moaned, "please."

"Please what?" He repeated.

"Move faster."

"No," he answered gently, his lips brushing across hers with the lightest of touches. He finally had the chance to show her what this intimacy really meant. "I'm gonna make love to you."

Tris's eyes widened at his statement. Make love! That was something she didn't do. And this man, this one person she felt something for that she had never felt before, he wanted this with her, for her, for them both. The fear built again, but this time it was different because he was making her feel things she had spent years vowing she would never feel, things she didn't think she was allowed or able to feel anymore.

He continued. "This is not just sex, not fucking, but slow passionate love. That's what I meant by control. Okay?"

Tris looked at him, and Four noted the hint of fear that flashed into her eyes.

"Let me love you, Tris," he pleaded.

He thought he'd gone too far when a lone tear slipped from one of her eyes, their color shimmering between green and gold, but at her small nod, he smiled and touched his lips to hers, tender and sweet. He moved above her, gently, leisurely, plunging in quickly but withdrawing slowly, loving the feel of her, the way he caressed every part of her walls. He held her wrists, pressing them into the pillow behind her head, applying a little pressure to make sure she could feel his hand.

His other hand lifted from the bed again, his fingers trailing down her body to her breast, cupping the weight in his hand and running his thumb over her nipple before he bent to take it into his mouth. Her back lifted from the bed, eager for more of his mouth, his tongue on her body. She tugged again at her wrist but he held on tightly. Another minute or so passed at this torturous pace and Four's lips returned hers when he felt her arms relax, felt her give in to him as they moved in a sensual dance.

He released her wrists, his hands caressing her breasts, her thighs, her stomach, everywhere he could touch her heated flesh. He manipulated her body to move the way he wanted it to and in his mind, that was an achievement in itself and maybe a start to her recovery.

Tris swept her hands slowly down his body, loving his way his muscles moved under her fingers with each stroke he made within her. A smile spread on her face as she realized she trusted him completely. Four maintained a steady pace, not rushed, and in Tris' mind, agonizingly slowly.

She tried to encourage him to go faster, her hands gripping his ass and pulling him to her, but Four was getting wise to her ways now. Every time she used one of her tricks, he would stop moving, his eyebrows raising as he grinned wickedly at her, teasing her body with a soft touch to her breast, behind her knee and against her thigh, all the places he knew would cause her passion to climb. She had no choice but to let him have control, and her body shuddered at that thought. However, his hands on her body soothed away her doubts as he continued their lovemaking ever so tenderly.

It felt so good, Tris' chest seemed to burn. The feel of him when he pulled out and plunged back in, slow and sensual, how his dick dragged against every inch of her, how she forgot to think for a long moment because she was trying to concentrate on remembering to breathe. The fire he had started within her what seemed hours ago, leaped and licked at her insides, and she knew she was close.

"Fuck," she whispered, her hands grasping onto his biceps as they bulged with Four's movements above her.

Her orgasm hit her hard, and with it, she pulled Four over with her, his seed shooting deep inside her as they locked eyes. Tris shuddered with more than the usual orgasmic rush, unable to move her gaze from his as they continued to move as one, drawing the pleasure out. Four's head eventually fell into the crook of her neck as their bodies rode the orgasmic wave together, her inner muscles milking him for all he had, demanding more when he felt he had nothing left.

"I love you," he whispered, as his body finally stilled over hers, and he lowered himself down, unable to move off, feeling like he would never move again.

Her hands slid up his arms, the slickness of his sweat soaked skin making the movement seamless, gliding, until she wrapped them across his broad shoulders, one hand creeping into his short hair, and she held him close to her, his head turning slightly against her breast, and within moments, she heard his gentle snore. She smiled at the sound.

She gently moved her fingers in his hair as she replayed his words over and over in her mind. It wasn't the first time she had heard those words in the throes of passion from one of her lovers, but it was the first time they echoed down to her soul and made her body sing louder than it already did, thanks to his almost magical touch. It was the first time they made her heart leap, her nerves tingle, and her head spin and dip at the same time.

He loved her. When he had first uttered those words to her, she hadn't dared to believe him, not really. But now, with everything they had gone through, with him forgiving her, she knew without a doubt it was real, he truly loved her. Her, the one who should be beyond the love of anyone, never mind this good, caring, gentle man who made her want to be better than she ever had been. Better for him. To live for him. Her recent thoughts of her living long enough to take down the one who hurt her so much evaporated, because she knew they weren't just words for him and that he meant every syllable.

She lay there, her arms wrapped around him as the dying sun cast dim light through the windows, casting faint shadowy patterns across his smooth, slick skin, thanks to the thin material against the glass. Her fingers now traced idle patterns against his back while he dozed contently atop her, his exhaustion from last night and their intense lovemaking taking over.

She still held him within her, though the feeling was different now that he was soft, and she smiled as she clenched her inner muscles in experimentation, wondering exactly how asleep he really was.

Four groaned against her breast, obviously feeling her, and finally he shifted, rolling off her and to her side, his arms flung in abandonment above his head, his legs wide as his frame dominated their large bed.

Tris raised herself up into her elbow, her eyes observing her body and the marks he left there, marks she gratefully accepted, covering the ones that marred her. Her gaze drifted over to him, and she grinned. Even in sleep, he was impressive.

She turned and curled herself against his side, draping a thigh across one of his and resting it between his shapely legs, her head resting on his chest as her hand settled next to his still peaked nipple.

She was peaceful, her fingers moving slowly over the wide expanse of his chest and Four's left arm above him moved, wrapping around her and holding her in place.

She swallowed, suddenly nervous, and her stomach dipped with anticipation.

"I love you, too," she whispered before holding her breath, waiting for something, anything, to happen. She was half expecting the Earth to split open and swallow her whole. When she had said them before, it had been as if she had no control over her words, but now, in the dying light of the day, the weight of the phrase hit her. She loved him, beyond anything she could imagine, and now he knew it.

After a few minutes, she finally relaxed against him, closing her eyes and feeling the pull of sleep. His gentle squeeze as he held her closer told her he heard her. He knew. And he loved her back.