"How would a staring contest be fair?" You demanded, mock angrily. "You don't even need to blink. Pick a different tiebreaker." A smile tugged at your lips as your boyfriend glared at you playfully.
"THAT'S WHAT IT SAYS IN THE RULES. FUKU PRINTED THEM OFF, SO DON'T BLAME ME FOR YOUR INEVITABLE DEFEAT." Despite the teasing nature of what he said, it irked you a bit.
"She just printed a series of contests for us for fun. Making the tiebreaker a staring contest would be the equivalent of making a tiebreaker between a bird and a fish a flying contest. Inevitable defeat isn't fun." You argued. Intrinsically unfair competitions had always grated on you, but seeing Sans attitude toward them surprised you. "We didn't do the hang-a-spoon-off-your-nose contest since you don't have a nose and would have automatically lost, so how is this different?"
Sans paused, confused at seeing you so serious about it. "I SUPPOSE THAT'S TRUE." He paused again, unsure what he could say that wouldn't make you more upset. His sudden hesitance only fueled the aggravation growing inside of you though.
Knowing you needed to calm down, you held a finger up, breathing slowly as you counted to ten. He probably was just having fun and hadn't meant it in any negative way. He had no way of knowing how much this would bother you, so he wasn't really at fault.
Realizing you'd been unfairly curt with Sans, you offered a compromise. "Since we're out of contests, would you like to call it a draw? We can continue using the score next time and break it then."
His fighting spirit renewed, Sans quickly agreed. "HOW ABOUT WE CONTINUE OUR COMPETITION DURING THE PICNICS ON SURFACING DAY?" He offered.
You paused. When was Surfacing Day? It had to be soon or else Sans wouldn't have suggested it, but the celebration was generally not open to the public, so you'd never kept track of when it was. Unsure, you asked your boyfriend to confirm the date of the occasion.
In three weeks.
"WHAT'S WRONG, _?" he questioned. You weren't surprised at his intuitiveness. He wouldn't even need to hear your thoughts considering how you could feel your face fall as you lined up the dates on your mental calendar.
"I won't be here for it." You replied, downcast. "I'll be at Eve's for the wedding. I was planning to ask you to go with me, but…"
Sans fell silent again, as did you. It wouldn't hurt, right? It was just one date you were unable to agree to. Just one. Because you both had prior plans, well in advance to the occasion. This was normal in dating right? Sometimes, someone was busy. It was normal.
It was just…
You were always the one to ask Sans on dates. Partially because you researched extensively, and partially because you were the one with an ever-changing schedule. It was easier for you to ask Sans, because then both of you already knew you were available. Sans had probably assumed you'd be available this time because you worked for Grillby.
This was the first time he had asked you.
And you'd said no.
Your heart dropped lower in your chest at this realization. Almost painfully so. Could emotions still cause you physical pain? You had thought you'd numbed yourself to that years ago. Apparently, the capacity for heartache had resurfaced from wherever you'd buried it before.
But it hurt. Even though it wasn't your fault, you felt guilty. Your throat closed as your mind raced, repeating to you over and over again how you were such a bad girlfriend.
"HEY." Sans cut into your mental self-deprecation. Placing a gloved hand on both of your cheeks, he held your head in place as he nuzzled your nose comfortingly. "IT'S ALRIGHT. CALM DOWN." He didn't say it. Both of you already knew it.
He didn't blame you. Nobody was at fault, after all. Schedules didn't line up sometimes. It happens.
You don't know how many times you repeated that to yourself in the following moment before you calmed down to Sans's satisfaction. "Sorry Sans. I don't know what caused that." You told him after he released you.
"THERE'S NO NEED TO BE SORRY. YOU'RE WORRIED BECAUSE YOU LOVE ME. I'M FLATTERED, TO BE HONEST." He informed you, blue magic dusting his cheeks.
Was there any better boyfriend in the world than Sans?
You didn't think so.
Deciding to use the intermission between your classes for something productive, you headed to a secluded part of the grounds to sit under a tree. Your phone was already dialing when you realized just how reversed your situation had become. Your smile grew as you greeted Chara's dad.
"Hey Asgore. I need a favor." You had meant to sound serious, but the smile had ruined it. You could hear the upturn of your lips in the words you spoke, and if you could hear it, then Asgore definitely could.
"What is it you need, my child?" You wondered if the term of endearment was a slip-up for a split second before dismissing the errant thought.
"So. I haven't been keeping track of Surfacing Day on my mental calendar. I won't be in town for it, but I know it's important to them so I need to ask Chara if they want to stay in town for it. Before that, though, I need to ensure I have a safe place for them to stay in the meantime." You explained.
There was a deliberate pause. "Am I allowed to?"
Your chest hurt a bit again at this question. Chara had only stayed at your house since the custody dispute, somewhat in hopes of it cooling down enough that people wouldn't pay enough attention to raise a fuss. Since then, the monarchs had been over multiple times a week, but it hadn't occurred to you until now how much it must have hurt them to go home alone.
"Of course. I'm their legal guardian, but I can leave them in the care of a responsible adult. You used to do it with me, remember?" You answered lightly, trying to ignore the growing feeling in your chest.
You got the feeling Asgore was about to argue, but no sound exited the phone. "Hello?" You tried, thinking the call had dropped. A loud, broken sob startled you. "Asgore? Are you all right?"
He didn't answer right away. He couldn't answer, if the sounds of his crying were anything to go by. The seconds ticked by as you waited, guilt growing.
You doubted you should be feeling guilty. After all, neither the monarchs nor Chara had asked you if they could stay over, and you'd been scrambling to keep up with everything as it was. Yet, the logic in this situation did nothing to quell the tightening in your chest as you listened.
"Thank you, my child." Despite the words he'd said, the feeling of guilt only grew. "Thank you." He repeated the words again and again as if it were a lifeline, each time unknowingly making that choking feeling rise farther and farther up your throat until it was hard to breathe.
"Thanks, Asgore. Now I just have to ask them if they want to stay for Surfacing Day or go to Eve's wedding with me." You told him, hoping the conversation would end there so you could go drink some water or something to make this awful feeling go away.
Asgore's tone was serious when he replied. "That's the choice you're asking them to make?"
Huh? "Well, yeah. They can't go to both after all."
"Are you certain asking them is such a good idea? They are yet young, and this decision is rather…" He trailed off, not knowing how to say it without offending you.
"Chara's a teenager. They have the right to decide for themselves which event they'd rather attend."
"No, you're right. It's just…it seems like asking them to choose between two of their families." Asgore explained his hesitance.
You didn't reply. You couldn't, as that feeling of guilt gripped your throat again. There was no avoiding that very situation. Chara had two families: one with you and one with the monarchs. Sometimes they would have to choose. Still, the logic didn't help to tame your turbulent emotions.
"I can't make the choice for them. It wouldn't be right." You finally replied, hoping that leaving the decision to the teenager was the correct choice and not a dereliction of your duty. "Either way, they have time to decide. I'll let the school know in advance to let Chara out for the week, since either way they won't be able to attend."
You hung up then, the phone slipping from your fingers into the grass below. Of course you wanted Chara to come with you. How could you not? Surfacing Day happened every year, but Eve would only marry once. But it wasn't your decision to make.
You leaned your head back against the tree with a sigh. It was going to be hard not to sway Chara in one direction or the other. You'd have to be very careful with how you worded things. You couldn't be biased in one direction when you asked them, or they would probably choose that because of you, not themself.
It remained that way for a relieving for minutes before the small device began to shrill, warning you to get back to class. With a sigh, you tossed the phone into your bag and stood.
Your vision went black almost as soon as you'd straightened, causing you to stumble back into the tree behind you. The terrifying blind seconds passed slowly, probably because you were so much more aware of the passing time than you normally were.
But, like before, things came back into view, the blackness receding to the edges of your vision before disappearing completely. Still you didn't move forward, instead collapsing back onto the ground. It was too much.
Guilt about Sans. Guilt about Asgore and Toriel. Worry over Chara's decision. Worry about not doing well at your guardian duties. Frustration and fear about this new, strange problem. The horrible feelings in your chest from before were quickly compounding upon each other into something that you shoved back into whatever recesses it had tried to crawl out of.
No. You did not need to cry. Crying would get you nowhere.
You could handle it.
Asgore wasn't sure what to say when Chara came to him. He listened patiently as the child -no, the teenager- complained about being unsure what to do and your frustrating reaction to it.
Apparently, you had just smiled and told them to do whatever they wanted. You hadn't even replied when they'd asked what you would rather they choose.
In your shoes, Asgore wasn't sure he could have done the same. Even now, with you having set the example, he wasn't sure if he could not ask them to stay.
For a brief moment, Asgore felt angry at you. Did you not take this as seriously as he had thought you would? If Chara was as much your concern as they should be, you should definitely feel turmoil over this decision. How could you ask them to choose with no indication of your own preference? Did you not care? Did you not want them with you?
'What would you like me to do, Dad?' Chara finally signed. 'And do you think that's the right thing for me to pick?' They added, almost as an afterthought.
And suddenly Asgore understood, perhaps not how you had remained impartial, but why. Not because you didn't care, but because it was important that the adults in this situation didn't pressure Chara one way or the other.
If they did, it would cause unnecessary friction in Chara's Soul. They would feel torn, unable to pick a side without doing irreparable harm to the relationship with the other, even if just in their own mind. And suddenly, with Chara's interests at heart instead of his own, Asgore suddenly found it very easy to ask, "What would you prefer to do?" with a knowing smile.
Chara threw their arms up in frustration. 'Okay, here's a better question. Are you or _ going to be upset if I choose not to go with you?'
Was it a lie to say no? He would definitely be sad at the loss, but he couldn't be upset either with Chara or with you over something so small. He could only imagine what you could have said in this situation. "I'd be sad to lose the time with you, but I'd be happy knowing you're happy."
Chara didn't seem any less frustrated at this answer, telling him that you had said effectively the same thing. Asgore was much surer then of you as Chara's guardian.