We got one life to live
One love to give
One chance to keep from falling
One heart to break
One soul to take us
Not forsake us
Only one
"Only One" by Alex Band
Bill's POV
January 4, 1945
I awoke with frightening, painful clarity to the screams that were all too familiar. Blinking through the haze that my mind had become, I tried to remember how I'd gotten here in the hospital once again. Screwing my eyes shut, it all came flooding back in bits and pieces.
With utter horror and shock, I glanced down at the stump that had my leg had been reduced to. I could see they'd had to amputate it. I fell back against the thin pillows shielding my head from the hard springs of the mattress beneath me. I still couldn't believe I'd lost my leg. Something else was nagging at me, waiting to be acknowledged at the very edge of my conscious thoughts.
Turning my eyes round and round the room, I noticed that laying in the bed next to me was Joe. I looked down at his pale, relaxed features and felt the urge to cry. I couldn't even remember the last time I'd wanted to cry. But in that moment, knowing what we'd both lost, I couldn't help but want to. That's when the whisper of a name brought with it another round of emotional turmoil that I was not ready to deal with right now.
Becca. I could remember the way she'd looked at me as I demanded to know what had happened between her and Speirs. I knew now and nothing I could do would erase the anger or the hurt from my mind at the thought of what they had done together. It was sickening. But beneath all the hurt and all the angry disbelief, I couldn't believe that after everything I'd done she still hadn't completely let go of him. It hurt. So badly that I didn't know what to think. I wanted her. Even now I wanted her so much it made my chest throb with heated desire. The broken shards of the man she'd once known was lying here in this bed. But it didn't change the way I felt about her. I hadn't been broken enough to realize that more than anything I wanted to make it up to her.
"You love me?" I asked, tone incredulous and filled with fiery anger, "You don't love me. I love you, Becca. All I've ever done is try and show you that I love you and want to be with you. And here you go off and play whore to him while you push me away. You deserve everything he did and said to you in that room. It woulda been a hell of a lot worse if I'd had something to do with it."
I flinched, feeling in my heart that she would never forgive me for the things I'd said to her. It was true, she'd wounded me badly, but I'd had no right to say that to her. Of course I didn't think she deserved the way he'd treated her. I realized then that tears had sprung to my eyes. Glancing toward Joe, I wiped them away as quickly as I could.
"Fucking Christ!" I muttered, settling back against my pillows with my eyes turned toward the ceiling. No more tears leaked from their corners, but I could feel them pressing tightly against the backs of my eyes. I wondered what Becca was doing now. How the boys were doing. If the Devil had finally given Dike his due. I laughed groggily at that as my eyes slipped closed. Until a gut-wrenching scream filled my ears and I bolted upright in the uncomfortable bed. Light flooded my eyes again and my mind turned in a chaotic tornado of fear. I could hear Roe's voice, yelling desperately over the sound of the screams. And one name stuck through my heart with the force of a bullet.
"Becca, stay awake for me!" Panic seized me. My heart began to pump erratically and my throat closed in around itself. I tried to wipe the storm of emotions that were running through my bloodstream to yell out to Roe.
"Doc that you?" I shouted, my voice so hoarse it didn't sound like me at all. Silence was the only thing that greeted me for a few minutes. I realized we weren't alone in the hospital. I could hear it now. The nurses rotating through the beds upon beds of wounded men that were in here. Major Winters' face suddenly appeared around the side of the curtain separating Joe and I from the rest of the room.
"What the hell's going on? What's happened to her?" I demanded of him. All I could think of was the fact that she could be out there dying and the last thing I'd said to her...
"Bill, calm down. We're doing everything we can."
"Everything you can? Don't use that bullshit on me. I know what that really means." Someone cleared their throat behind Winters. He turned, the curtain going with him and revealing a petite brunette nurse with a disgruntled look on her face as she stared between the two of us.
"You're scheduled to be leaving now. I was coming to make sure that you're ready to go," she said. Something about the way she looked at me set me off.
"I sure as hell am not ready to leave. The love of my life could be dying and you want to ship me off? Get me out of this Goddamn bed!" I yelled, breath coming in labored gasps as I tried to find a way to get out of my bed without hurting myself even more. Winters' face swam out of view as white invaded my vision. A sharp pain in my arm made me close my eyes. I struggled for a few moments, but the weight of exhaustion was suddenly upon my shoulders. Pushing me farther and farther down into the depths of unconscious oblivion. I knew what had happened. They'd drugged me, the bastards, so that they could take me away quietly. I took one last breath, imagining myself taking Becca's face in both of my hands and pressing my lips firmly to her forehead. I imagined what I would say to her if I had just one last chance to make her see just how much I regretted what I'd said to her.
I'll always love you, Becca. I'm sorry for the things I said to you. Please pull out of this. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if the last memory you had of me was me saying all those hurtful things to you.
Becca's POV
Pain, white-hot and angry, shot through me in wave upon wave of pure torture. Screams, scorching the air, filled my ears and I had the urge to tell whoever it was to shut the hell up. Until I realized that it was me. My throat burned and twisted into knots as screech after screech tore past my lips. I flailed my arms in the darkness, trying and failing to find anything tangible to grab onto. Exhaustion ripped at my mind and body relentlessly. Finally, I had no choice but to succumb to the numbing blackness tugging me back into its unending embrace.
The last thing I heard before all sound vanished completely were the words, "Becca, stay awake for me."
The smell of gas filled my nostrils and made my eyes heavy with sleep that was tugging me listlessly toward a white light above me. Hands were all over me. On my carotid artery, on my mouth, on my chest. I tried to open my eyes. But there was something so heavy and so dark upon my closed lids that I found I could not. My hearing came back to me. In snatches like trying to tune a radio station.
"...knocked unconscious by all the gas."
"Not much time..." Sirens, wailing in my ears, filled every corner of my mind with a dark sense of foreboding. I felt torn. Every inch of my body was being ripped apart by some unseen source. It was almost like I was in two places at once.
"God damnit!" a familiar Cajun accent filled my ears. I opened my eyes, light flooding my vision. I snapped them shut as I groaned in pain and turned my face toward the sound of his voice.
"Gene?" I whispered, my lips hard and immovable as a solid lead tablet. My fingers gripped something tightly. It was warm and was clinging to me desperately.
"Becca, please don't die on me. You can do this. You survived the Germans capturing you. Don't leave us. Think of all the guys depending on you." The very breath of the Grim Reaper seemed to skim along the back of my neck. I still couldn't find the strength to open my eyes. Gene's voice, the light behind my closed lids, and the breath wheezing sharply past my lips was fading fast. The smell of gas filled my lungs and I knew that I was back in that place.
Something about that smell filled me with a shocking moment of remembrance. I could recall the smell of the toxic fumes as I sucked in breath after breath, unknowing that I was approaching the precipice of death. The fire alarm was a distant, flickering sound in the back of my subconscious awareness. All that mattered was the soft and husky voice calling me through the dimensions of time separating our bodies. That voice stroked things low in my body and brought about the images of our limbs entwining in the endless dance of a man and a woman in the quiet confines of their bedroom.
"Don't you trust me?" Ron asked me, his voice hesitant as he called out to me to join him in the past. I knew now that there had never been any question of me accepting. I belonged in the past. I had found a place there that made me feel loved and welcomed and appreciated. Nothing in the world compared to that feeling and I knew that I would have traded anything to keep it.
A sharp stab of pain awoke me yet again. I could feel the blood draining slowly but surely from my body. I could almost hear the droplets as they fell like precious rubies onto the stark white sheets beneath my body. I bit my lip, my fingers tightening on the sides of the bed once again. Two sets of hands closed around my face, holding me as tightly as they could. I wanted to open my eyes, could almost feel my body mustering up the strength before I collapsed again upon the bed. Helpless and exhausted, I relaxed my arms and melted into the touch of the hands holding my face. The pads of the fingers were worn and calloused. The friction it caused a whirlwind of emotions to rise within my chest. Relief and happiness battled with guilt and despair. I couldn't understand why I felt like that. I knew I was losing consciousness again when I felt the ghost of Bill's lips skim against my forehead.
I'll always love you, Becca. I'm sorry for the things I said to you. Please pull out of this. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if the last memory you had of me was me saying all those hurtful things to you.
The voice was snuffed out like the tip of a candle. And I was plunged into a world of never-ending darkness that promised me peace and rest for all eternity.
Ron's POV
I could feel that something was wrong and as I threw an anxious glance over my shoulder, I could see that a runner was talking to Dog's company commander. I bit my lip, adjusting my rifle so that it wasn't jabbing me in the side. Turning back around, I watched the Krauts scrambling around like rats to get ready for their next artillery attack. It made me sick, remembering what they'd done to Becca. What so many of them were capable of. An uncontainable fury filled me, making me throb with the desire to kill every one of them.
"Uh, Speirs, got an order from Winters here. Says he needs you at the hospital in Bastogne pronto," my CO's voice filled my ears. I twisted my head to look up at him. There was a curiosity in his eyes that I didn't stop to consider as I nodded and climbed out of my foxhole. I moved past him, scrambling into the front seat of the jeep that stood idle waiting for me. I couldn't imagine why Dick needed me in Bastogne, but I knew I had to go. And the nagging feeling that something was terribly wrong filled me to the core of my soul.
It didn't take long getting to Bastogne. I realized I hadn't been here since Christmas Day. Not that I'd wanted to. Avoiding Britney seemed like the best decision I could make. Remembering the way Becca had looked at me that day. It made chills skitter up and down my spine. It was like she'd seen right through me. That was terrifying. I couldn't stop feeling like Britney had broken her completely with telling Becca that she was pregnant. I shut my eyes, trying to think of anything but that. Imagining the pain she must be going through because of me was nearly unbearable. I was so sick of this. Staying away from her and pretending that I was actually going to give into Britney. But what else could I do? I was trapped, stuck in a loveless relationship because of the baby growing in her womb. My heart swelled at that thought. Somewhere deep down, I knew I'd always wanted to be a father. Even if that woman was the mother, I was going to be a dad. I had a moment to wonder if it would be a girl or a boy before the jeep came to a jolting stop beneath me.
"Thanks," I said, slipping out of my seat and planting my feet firmly on the ground.
"Hey, no problem," the driver replied, giving me a short smile before driving off again. I turned around, preparing to head inside. Dick was walking toward me, blood covering his hands and his face as deathly pale as the snow beneath our feet. Fear and dread roiled within my stomach, turning my world on its axis. Acid rose in my throat, making it impossible to breath, talk, or think.
"Ron," he began, holding his hands up in the common gesture of defense, "We've tried everything. We couldn't-I couldn't help her. I wanted you to get to say goodbye before..." His voice trailed away, his glacial eyes sparking with remorse and sorrow.
"Dick, what are you talking about? Who is it that's hurt?" I asked, my voice barely a whisper. I knew who it was. I wasn't really looking for an answer. I couldn't form a coherent thought much less push it past my lips into the air between us. My knees were shaking, my legs threatening to give out at any moment. A choked sob bubbled up my throat.
"It's Becca. She took a mortar hit, Ron. I don't know how much time she has left." I pushed past him, impatient and thankfully numb. She couldn't be dying. He was just worried. There had to be something to save her. There just had to be. Shoving my way through the drove of wounded soldiers, I found her lying still and pale on a bed in the very back of the building. I looked down at her, at the blood spreading outward in a dark pool to stain her skin and the white sheets beneath her. I could feel someone else's presence. I could feel the questions burning in his eyes. I looked up at him, taking in his face and the sorrow inside his dark brown eyes.
"Could I have-have a few minutes alone with her?" I whispered, taking her cold hand in my own. Electric jolts shot up my arm and charged through my entire body. It melted away the numbness. I could feel the death clinging to her, desperate to take her into its lifeless embrace. I would never be able to describe the terror that gripped me then.
"Becca, please," I pleaded, knowing that I would do anything to keep her with me, "Becca, please remember all the people who are waiting for you to wake up. Think of-of Bill. Think of Dick and Nixon. Please, baby." The backs of my eyes began to burn, my breath lodging in my chest and making it impossible to breathe. Her skin had warmed in my touch. I reached up to touch her cheek, cupping it like it was the most delicate flower in the world. Desperate desire took me, shook me with its freezing intrusion in my mind. I leaned forward, pressing my lips to hers. They were cold for a moment before the first sparks of life I'd felt warmed her mouth to my own. I pulled away, looking down at her and cupping her face in my hands. I watched her eyes flicker, not daring to hope that she was trying to fight against the blackness threatening to steal her away.
"R-ron?" she muttered. Her voice was so weak, so shaky that I wondered if I'd imagined it. But then her eyelids cracked open. Her bright blue eyes stared up into my own as if she was trying to convince herself that I was real. I let out the breath I'd been holding, my forehead falling into the crook of her shoulder.
"It's me, baby. God, I thought I'd lost you," I whispered against her. I clung to her in a way I never had before. Desperation pooled in my blood and I knew then that I had been waiting and watching for death to finally pull her away from me forever. I couldn't believe that she'd come back.
"I heard your voice and I couldn't...I couldn't leave you. I love you too much," she whispered, her fingers wrapping weakly into my hair so that she could keep me close. I could feel the tears that were dripping from her eyes and falling onto my fingers. I leaned backwards, wiping the tears from her face.
"Don't cry, Becca. I love you. I'm sorry for all the things I've done to you. God, I'm so sorry," I whispered, hugging her fiercely to my chest. Joy swelled within my chest, filling me with the most profound and weightless feeling in the world. She held onto me just as tightly, her chest heaving as she continued to sob into my shoulder. Her tears stained the color of my uniform, but I couldn't have cared less. She was here. Alive and talking.
Then, a hand on my shoulder broken the moment between us. Wrenching me away from the woman in my arms, Britney's livid face filled my vision. Her cheeks were flushed with her anger and her brown eyes were flashing dangerously. I stood up, glaring at her.
"What the hell do you want?" I demanded, grabbing her wrist and squeezing it as tightly as I could. I could see her wince of pain, but she recovered quickly, pulling her wrist away and slapping me hard across the cheek. The resulting pain was nothing to the hatred and anger boiling within my stomach and chest. Liquid heat pooled in my veins, making me hyperactive of everything in the small enclosed space. Britney had torn back the curtain, displaying our fight to the entirety of the hospital. I could feel the questioning, curious, gazes of the nurses and doctors and wounded soldiers milling around us.
"Well, I'm wondering why you are back here with that little bitch when I'm the one whose pregnant with your baby. When I'm the one you're marrying," Britney said, her voice so soft that I had to lean forward to hear what she'd said. I stared at her for a long, hard moment. I made her believe that she'd won this round. I leaned toward her, pressing a soft kiss to her cheek. I felt the blush that was suddenly creeping along her cheeks. I pulled back, staring into her eyes and showing her all the hate and fury I held for her.
"You may think you've got me cornered. But you have no idea who you're dealing with. Leave me alone with her unless you want to see your whole life ruined. Don't think I won't do it," I told her, smiling at her before turning away and yanking the curtain back around us. I closed my eyes, trying to reel in my anger before opening them again and glancing in Becca's direction. I saw, with some relief, that she was laying back against her pillows. The steady rise and fall of her chest made my heart swell with love. I reached forward, drawing a few escaped hairs back behind her ears. Pressing my lips lightly against her mouth, I moved away from her, knowing that it would probably be better for both of us if she got some well-needed rest.
Becca's POV
Warmth and love surrounded me, pulling me away from the darkness that was pushing on my body from every direction. I realized how simple it would be to accept that darkness. To collapse under the enormous weight of it and let it pull me to a place where there was no more death and no more sorrow. I wanted to so much, but something kept pulling me back. A voice. A voice so worried and frazzled that I couldn't help but listen to it.
"Becca, please. Becca, please remember all the people who are waiting for you to wake up. Think of-of Bill. Think of Dick and Nixon. Please, baby." I knew that voice, knew it like the back of my own hand. I struggled to open my eyes, the eyelids fluttering softly before stilling once again. Warmth settled on my cheek, brushing the length of my cheekbone in a tender stroke. I could feel my body being pulled backwards, back toward the light of day and love and life. That was where I belonged, not in the place of lost souls. It was not my time to die. Not yet. A moment later, I felt something as soft and fleeting as a butterfly's kiss on my lips. My skin tingled, sparked with new found life. I struggled even harder to open my eyes, to fight against the darkness pressing down around me.
"R-ron?" I whispered, my voice so weak that I almost didn't recognize it as my own. His name felt so right against the curve of my lips. I knew it was him as his fingers tightened against my cheek. I clung desperately to that feeling, pushing the last remnants of death from my body. I cracked open my eyes, my vision swirling for a moment before Ron's face appeared with heart-breaking clarity only a few inches above me. I stared at him a moment, trying to remember how to breathe and trying to convince myself that this was actually happening.
"It's me, baby. God, I thought I'd lost you." My pulse thumped wildly in my chest as he slumped above me. His face fell into the crook of my shoulder, his fingers never moving from their place on my cheek. He clung to me almost desperately. His entire body was shaking against mine. I realized then that he'd thought I was leaving him. He'd thought I'd given up.
"I heard your voice and I couldn't...I couldn't leave you. I love you too much," I whispered, my hands bunching into the soft curls of his hair. Tears formed in my eyes, the drops of sorrow falling like strewn leaves in autumn onto his fingers which were still curved around my cheek. He leaned away from me, his face swimming through the shimmery liquid in my eyes. He wiped away my tears, smiling down at me with so much happiness on his face that it was almost too much to bear. All this time of believing that he wanted nothing to do with me and now he was here comforting me. It was impossible, yet I had no other choice but to believe it.
"Don't cry, Becca. I love you. I'm sorry for all the things I've done to you. God, I'm so sorry," he whispered against my skin, hugging me closer to his chest. I felt the joy rising within me and held on tightly to him. I knew these few stolen moments would no last forever. I knew that with Britney around, we would never be together like this without being interrupted. I felt selfish but I was glad for this time with him. My desire for him pushed all thought from my mind. I leaned forward, my lips hovering over the skin of his neck when he was yanked away from me. The sudden movement shot adrenaline through my system, a dangerous thing when I'd only gotten back from the brink of death a few minutes ago. I inhaled a sharp gasp of air before my eyes rolled into the back of my head and I passed out. My mind was filled with a blank darkness in which nothing existed but two voices. Muttering angrily amongst themselves.
"What the hell do you want?" the man's voice asked. I knew who that was. I could feel the knowledge prickling across my skin and making the heat pool inside my veins.
"Well, I'm wondering why you are back here with that little bitch when I'm the one whose pregnant with your baby. When I'm the one you're marrying." I knew that voice too. Hatred convulsed through my body. I could hear the wickedness in her voice. The evil plots that were forming in her head. In all the same moment, I felt jealous of her. She was having the man's baby. I would never have that opportunity. With that thought, tears and despair filled my mind. Drowning out the man's reply. I knew it wasn't important. All that mattered was he was going back to her and their unborn child. I would weep in silence, neither of them aware that I would have rather killed myself than watch him happy with the woman who filled me with so much hatred and anger.
January 9, 1945
A hand on my shoulder had me jolting awake with a start. For a moment, I couldn't remember where I was. Blinking the sleep from my eyes, stark white sheets and walls filled my vision. The hospital. I was still there. Looking over my shoulder at the man who'd woken me, I found Babe staring down at me with a goofy smirk on his face.
"Thought you'd never wake up," he said in a voice that made my heart and gut clench in worry and pain. My heart began to pound in my chest. It had been five-no six days since I'd told Bill what had happened between Ron and me. Had that time been a help or a hindrance in his feelings for me? I shivered at the thought that it had pushed us farther apart. But I could remember the soft caress of someone's fingers on my own in the dead of night. I could still feel the ghost of warm lips pressed against my own and then a whispered, "I love you" that still hung in the air. Who had that been if not Bill? The dream I'd had of Ron saving me from the brinks of death...it had been just that, a dream. I couldn't believe after everything the two of us had gone through, after all the things he'd said to me, that he would save me like that. I shook my head, trying to clear it and realized that Babe was talking to me again.
"Rebecca, look at me," he muttered, his freezing fingers closing around my cheek and forcing me to look at him. I stared up into his pale blue eyes and tried to find the courage to smile. In spite of all the things whirling around in my brain, I did have one thing to be thankful for. I was still alive. No matter how much I'd tried to convince myself in the contrary, life was always the better choice. This way, I had a chance of repairing things. With Ron, with Bill. I had to believe that I had a chance at that. However small.
"Come on, I'm busting you outta here," Babe said, his hand snaking around my own and pulling me to my feet. I'd been walking around a bit for the past three days. I'd been able to do a couple rounds of the hospital, checking on any Easy guys there and trying to avoid Britney. I could see that she was seething about something, her anger at me licking at my skin from afar. I shuddered, thinking about it. And as Babe steadied me with a hand on my shoulder, I knew I would have followed him out of this hospital even if I hadn't been up to it. I was ready to get the hell out of here. The screams of pain and horror that had filled my ears every night had prevented me from sleeping much. It was better in the day time, but I couldn't really remember the last time I'd had a good night's sleep. Shrugging my shoulders, I bent to pick up my bag only to have it much closer than I'd thought. Not to mention the curl of the fingers on the strap was so familiar. It sent a pang through my heart and I knew even as I lifted my eyes to his own that it was Ron. There was a soft, simple smile curving the corners of his lips upward. His dark eyes were filled with something that clenched things low in my body and made heated desire pool beneath my skin.
"Afternoon, sir," Babe said, saluting Ron without letting go of my arm. Ron's eyes slipped past mine to acknowledge Babe. He nodded once, his eyes hardening slightly for a reason I could not comprehend.
"Heffron," he said. His voice had me wishing with all my might that I could touch him. Just one time. Just one simple brush of his bare skin across mine. But I knew it wasn't to be as he slid the strap of my bag over my shoulder without touching me. He met my eyes for a lingering moment after that before he turned around without so much as a word. I watched him go, shaking my head at him.
"What the hell was that all about?" Babe asked as he led me toward the front of the hospital. I shrugged my shoulders, not really wanting to focus on what had just happened.
"No idea," I muttered, snaking a hand through the curls bunching at my shoulders. I hadn't had a shower in God knew how long. I was sick of wearing the same uniform and I'm sure I smelled as badly as the men, but I also knew that it didn't matter. Not one bit. Somewhere since D-Day, I'd gotten used to it. So used to it that I didn't even really think about it anymore, "So, hey, why exactly are you busting me out of the hospital, Babe?"
"Jesus, I'd forgotten you've been holed up in that place for almost a week. We're moving out. We attacked Foy this mornin'. Now Battalion wants us to move off somewhere else and fight some more. I swear to God, General Taylor's just doing it to stretch his ego."
"You guys took Foy? How the hell was that possible with Dike running the show?"
"Oh, well I'd be happy to tell you the story," Babe grinned, his fingers flexing slightly in excitement around my hand. He lugged me forward, helping me into the back seat of the jeep and then taking the seat beside me. He waved the driver forward before he turned to me with that gleam in his blue eyes.
"So we was all running down the hill and all of a sudden Dike fuckin' tells us all to stop because he can't see Lieutenant Foley with First Platoon. So we're all wondering what the hell this guy is doing. Long story short, he's getting a lot of guys killed so Winters tells Speirs to take over. He does and well the rest you know. The guy was amazing," Babe finished, stopping and looking at me to gauge my reaction. I sat there in stunned silence. I couldn't breathe or think past the lump in my throat. Gulping down my emotions, I cleared my throat.
"S-so what does that mean for him?" Babe could see something in my eyes that made him take my hand.
"Winters made him Easy Commander," he replied. My mind filled me with numb disbelief before I suddenly found the situation bitterly hilarious. Clutching my sides, I laughed.
"Well I expected a lot of reactions from you. This was not one of them," Babe said, shaking his head with a smile on his face.
"I just think it's ironic that now I've told Bill what went on between us, now Ron's been made Company Commander. Sometimes I have to wonder whether God hates me," I said, voice turned quiet as I watched the trees flash by us. I could feel Babe's hand tighten around mine. I couldn't understand why, but his touch filled me with a kind of horrified dread. As if there was something waiting for me at Easy that I would not like at all, something that would break my heart just a little bit more. Pressing my face into the crook of Babe's shoulder, I tried not to think about anything but the feel of his hand wrapped around mine and the warmth flowing from his body to my own. It was all that would get me through this day. Little did I know that it was about to get so much worse. Babe pulled away from me suddenly. I looked over at him. His eyebrows were furrowed and his lips were turned down into a frown.
"Babe, what's wrong?"
"Becca, there's something I have to tell you. Before we get back to the guys. You're not gonna like it," he said. He faced me in the seat and I could feel the tension in his body, his unwillingness to tell me whatever it was he had to, "Becca, Bill got his leg blown off the day you were taken to the hospital. He-they took him back to the States. Joe Toye too."
Poisonous despair filled my veins, made my stomach boil. Now I understood why I'd been apprehensive before about going back to Easy. There was nothing to go back to. After all that hoping that things would finally be right between us, Bill was gone. And he'd left hating me for what I'd done to him. Never knowing the regret and pain I'd felt for hurting him so much. Tears welled up in my eyes and I placed my face in my hands, the salty liquid falling into my open palms.
"God damnit, Babe," I whispered, knowing that he could hear me above the wind flying past us. He leaned toward me, wrapping his arms around me. I melted in his embrace, pressing my face to his chest and pouring my heart out to the world. How many more things could happen to me that was worse than this? Bill wasn't just wounded. He was gone forever. Of that I was certain. He wasn't coming back and he would probably get home and find someone to marry and forget all about me. It was so selfish of me to believe that he would wait for me in the States. That he would wait for me to find him and apologize for all the things I'd done to him. I shut my eyes as tightly as they would go, trying to convince myself that all I wanted was him to be happy. I did want that. But he was my last chance at happiness. Ron was lost to me. He was having a baby with Britney. There was nothing I could do about that. And I would do nothing about it because I wanted him to be happy. I was sure that he wanted that baby. He would make a good father I thought.
Shaking my head, I realized that there was nothing much I could do about either one of them. I would hold out the hope that maybe, just maybe, Bill would wait for me back home. Just maybe I would still find my happy ending with him. If only he could forgive me and I could forgive myself for all the things I'd done.
Okay so, I know you guys probably all want to give me a good thrashing, but I do have an excuse. A rather good one at that if I do say so myself. Then again, I'm just trying to make myself feel better for leaving you guys hanging for a month and a half without an update. Basically, I just started college this year and it's honestly been so hectic. I've been trying to figure out my classes and figure out all this stuff and I got lost somewhere in October with the whole updating thing. But...I am going to try my damnedest to start giving you guys weekly updates again. No lie, I feel like I've been a huge failure to you guys. Anyways, for more information about my situation, you can go to my profile. It's all there and I've been updating my story updates more in the past week. So hopefully you won't get too mad at me from now on.
Also, another thing, I don't know if anyone has been keeping up with the disaster that was me trying to write another BoB story, but I've started in another category. Harry Potter to be exact and I'm really hoping that some of you guys who are also fans of that category will like the idea I've come up with. It's going to be a bit different than anything I've done before. So I'm really hoping someone will like it lol.
Please leave a review if you have the time. I know I've been a bit lax in my reviews for a lot of stories, but I hope you won't sink to my level. Happy reading and I look forward to your thoughts on this chapter!
Disclaimer: No disrespect is meant toward the real men of Easy Company. I only own my OCs and the original plot for this fic.