BLIND LEADING THE BLIND

Part 36

SNOWBLIND

For New Years Eve dinner, someone brought Chinese food. Remy wasn't sure who in their right mind had braved the heavy snow that had apparently blanketed the entire estate, but he was thankful for a meal that was unlike the usual fare that had been the standard since his arrival.

The entire team was back home, and all holed up in the warmest room in the house – which was the formal living room with its crackling fire. Remy listened to the team talking about their Christmases in that quiet calm way as he sat upon a thick pile rug eating his shredded chicken in chilli sauce from the carton, hoping that he wasn't inadvertently spreading egg fried rice over the place in the process.

In a quiet corner, Remy could hear Jean talking to Kitty about a 'magical' evening she'd had with Scott just an hour before they'd been called back, how they'd had candlelight dinner, and walked in the snow together, and that it had been the most wonderful night she'd spent with Scott. Rogue was on the other side of the room, and Remy was certain that she was straining to hear what Jean was saying despite pretending to be more interested in what Kurt had done over Christmas.

Maybe she isn't over him, Remy thought dully as he chewed. Every now and then he was sure he felt Scott's eyes on him, glaring. It might have been imagination but he was positive it wasn't, just as he was sure it wasn't his imagination that Rogue was probably staring at Scott and wondering why he'd gone with Jean and not her.

There were a few discussions about the security situation – the Professor had Hank and Ororo place some new measures in a few blind spots but in the morning they wanted Remy to work with them to try and pinpoint if there were others they had missed.

Doesn't matter where you put these measures, he's gonna get in here. He got in without raising any alarms and he'll do it again, Remy frowned.

Remy felt too hot, and he got up from where he was sitting and didn't even excuse himself, feeling that everyone was too focused on each other to even notice his leaving the room. He walked around the house, quiet, listening, trying to hear for any sounds that didn't belong there, hoping that Sinister wasn't lurking behind a door or a wall, waiting for him.

Take me now, Sinister. Just take me, and leave them in peace. They did nothin' wrong, he thought at the darkness around him. He walked around the mansion, one hand trailing the wall to guide him; his fingers slid along banisters and railing, tracing the patterns in the wainscot edging, detecting the imperfections on painted walls. He remained alert, trying to be aware of any unfamiliar coldness, any eeriness in the atmosphere, but everything was still other than the faint sounds of voices from where the others were.

After what felt like a good while he made it around the interior of the mansion and finished in the kitchen. He drank a glass of water and sat quietly in a chair at the table for a while, listening to the sounds of the mansion, of the ticking of the old grandfather clock down the hall, and then the sounds of distant footsteps.

Curious, he quietly got up and crossed the kitchen, leaning against the wall and listening to find out who was approaching. He heard voices there...and whoever it was seemed to be unaware of his presence, as there was no hesitation in the voices. Either he was good at hiding, or they were too preoccupied in their discussion.

"I know it's bad timing...and it's not the best way of saying it..."

"No...it's fine."

It was Scott and Jean. Remy frowned a little and leaned against the kitchen wall, remaining so still that he dare not even breathe in case the shifting of his weight in doing so alarmed them to his eavesdropping. He hoped he was absolutely out of sight to wherever they were standing. They were in the foyer, he could tell from the distinct light echo of their voices. They couldn't see him, he was positive of it, there was a corner and a stairway in the way of their view – he knew that from having spent so much time feeling around them.

Jean mus' be distracted, she don' even sense me, Remy thought, wondering if she might even pick up his thoughts while he was in the vicinity.

"It was supposed to go a lot nicer than this...it was supposed to be at the party at your parents house and...I was supposed to be dressed in a suit and...well...you know..." Scott was saying.

"It...doesn't matter how you say it, Scott..." Jean admitted, her voice high with emotion.

What are they talking about ? Remy pondered, he lingered, statue-like and holding his breath.

"I just imagined when I asked you to Marry me, it wouldn't be in the hall after a discount Chinese takeaway, me with rib sauce on my t-shirt," Scott sighed, "I wanted the year to finish with something really special..."

"It is special," Jean said, her tone now tearful, "and I don't care what you have on your shirt...or how it was supposed to be..."

"So you will?"

"Of course I will," Jean sobbed happily.

Remy listened to them pulling themselves together after a few moments of heavy making out – which was incredibly difficult to listen to without being disgusted and as he remained there he wondered if the sounds of someone kissing passionately had always sounded so loud and obscene or was it just his perspective as a blind man with slightly more acute hearing.

It seemed almost fifteen minutes before Jean and Scott retired back to the formal living room. Remy waited until he was sure they were absolutely gone and then he went upstairs, intent on going to bed. I don' wan' to go to that livin' room. They'll announce it...and I don' wan' be in the same room with Rogue when they do...

He had barely found the clothes he wore to bed when he heard a sharp smashing sound coming from down the hall. With a sigh, he left the bedroom and stood in the hallway; the sound he knew right away had come from Rogue's room, and that could mean only one thing. His suspicions about Rogue's reaction had been on the button.

Remy went to knock on the door but it was already ajar and swung open at his touch. As he stepped forward he heard her sniffing coming from where her bed was and he stopped in his tracks, not sure if he was even noticed or not.

After a quiet sob, Rogue – who it seemed was fully aware of his presence - announced, "Ah don't know why Ah'm upset..." it came out almost as if it were an answer to a question he had yet to ask. "Ah just am."

"They got engaged," Remy said, matter of fact. He hated the way it came out of his mouth. It felt like the words had been a bullet that he'd directly and deliberately shot straight at her heart...he wasn't particularly sure if he had meant it to sound so blunt and cold but he couldn't take it back now. He supposed it wasn't his fault he couldn't help how it had come out sounding...after all, Rogue was upset over a man she couldn't have when all the while, he himself was standing here waiting for her to accept him feeling like he would be forever fighting a losing battle.

Rogue lamented but said nothing. Remy sighed and moved across the room towards the bed where she was sitting, he could feel her presence close and sat next to her, his bare fingers brushed against her hip and he felt her shift to give him room. He hated that instinct of hers to always move away.

"Ah don't care about him...Ah really don't," Rogue assured, sniffling. Remy wanted to believe her.

"Then why the crying?"

A moment of contemplation, but she really didn't seem to have a reasonable answer. "Ah don't know."

Remy gazed into his black void; it was all he could see through the blindfold he was wearing to protect his sensitive eyes from the light. "I do," he admitted quietly.

"You do?" she asked half-heartedly.

"It's that they're not stuck in that weird state o' reverse...they moving forward...moving on...goin' somewhere..."

Her silence spoke for her. He'd hit the nail on the head. He'd hit it with a ten tonne hammer. He'd been hitting the nail on the head for a while, but it didn't seem to be going in much deeper.

"I know that's how y' feel," he admitted quietly, he trailed his fingers across the embroidered pattern on her bedspread, following sewn curls of thread absently. "I feel it, too."

Rogue shifted; he felt her turn towards him, she was staring at him and he could feel it boring into his soul.

"It's unfair, ain' it?" he asked quietly, "others can seem t' find happiness no matter which way they look...we got t' try and scrimp a few crumbs of it t' gether sometimes jus' t' try and make it through a day without feelin' like it's all..." he tried to finish the sentence.

"Pointless," she whispered, finishing for him. After this, she said nothing else; she didn't need to.

"Lets go for a walk," Remy decided, he stood slowly.

"No," she replied softly.

"C'mon. It'll clear our heads...it don' sound windy out there anymore, sounds nice and still..." he held his hand out to her.

"The snow is up to your knees out there," Rogue reminded.

"Don' care," He waited, patiently, listening to her wiping her tears with a tissue that sounded dry and crinkled alreadys. Her hand eventually landed upon his and he led the way through the house. She's blind t' everything, blind t' how things could be...I'm the blind leadin' the blind, and if I can't see how am I s'pose t' make her see?

Outside, the snow had begun to fall again, it was a light snowfall but the flakes were huge and chilled Remy's skin as they walked together across the snow, hand in hand like it were the most natural thing in the world. Each large flake brushed Remy's cheeks like the kiss of an icy lover.

Rogue was silent as they walked carefully through the thick crunching snow. The silence was nice, and this moment was perhaps the best of the day, he decided. He was happy with this...perfectly content for this moment if this was to be how things were. Why couldn't she just be happy too for now?

After several moments of walking, Remy's free hand found the railing that edged the cliffside and they stopped there. Remy could hear the water below was calmly lapping at the rocks. For just a moment, his troubles melted away just as the snowflakes must have been melting into the water. He wondered for a moment if he threw himself down into the water, if there was a chance it could wash away all his sins and he could be reborn to be a good and honest man.

Life was barely that simple though.

Rogue was the first to break the silence of that wintery night, and it was a poor attempt in socialization; it seemed now that she'd embarrassed herself in front of him by sobbing about Jean and Scott's engagement, she wasn't sure how to interact other than force small talk. "How...how are your eyes?"

"Still hot and sore," Remy answered, wishing she could just stop changing subjects and making small talk and just admit she wanted more and that the thought of starting fresh and playing platonic was about as pointless as an unsharpened pencil with no lead within it.

Rogue's hand left his and he sighed, the moment was over. He heard crunching of snow; she was compressing it in her hands, "take the blindfold off. This will soothe it a little. It's clean snow – shouldn't be any chance of infection."

Although he'd rather she just took his hand and let him have his moment with her, he couldn't resist the thought of cool snow against his burning eyelids; besides, if for a moment it would help take her mind away from engagements, then it couldn't hurt to let her nurse him a little. With only a moments hesitation, he gave in and he removed the mask carefully, his eyes smarted as he did so and he kept them closed, as they felt slightly sticky from being closed for so long

"It might sting at first," she warned.

"Go for it," he sighed, "I'm used t' bein' burned by now," he added, somewhat bitterly.

The snow touched his tender flesh and he yelped a little initially, but didn't flinch. It seemed the snow was melting much faster against his hot skin than anticipated, but the cold did soothe the irritation. He felt the droplets of water go from cold to warm and trickle down his nose and tickle his lips before falling onto the collar of his sweatshirt.

He contemplated telling her loved her – for what felt like the millionth time. He contemplated trying to kiss her, regardless of the danger it would bring him and her. Instead, as Rogue stood there, holding the clump of pure snow against his eyes, Remy decided to take a chance and deepen their moment together; with both arms he reached out and slipped his arms around her small waist not giving her the option of whether she was ready for such a bold gesture. Rogue flinched away immediately, pushing him away from her, dropping the handful of snow.

"Remy, what the fuck?" she demanded in anger, her tone slightly tainted with hurt that he would try despite her clear signals she hadn't been ready.

"What...the...fuck..." he whispered too, only in absolute surprise. As the cold wet snow had fallen from his face when she'd pulled away, the stickiness in his eyes had unglued and his eyes had snapped open.

And to his astonishment...he could see.

"Are you fucking mad? Ah'm wearin' a cropped top...do you want to end up dead?" she demanded angrily.

The vision of Rogue was a blur; everything about her was like seeing her through frosted glass. It was too dark out to make out any features, and even if it hadn't been, he wouldn't have been able to distinguish much more than the blur of her face in front of him. Her eyes were just two dark hazy spots on a white canvas, and her lips were just a dark slash.

With a shaking hand, he reached towards her to touch her shoulder; he saw his blurred hand miss her entirely and he gaped in astonishment. His perception was off, he couldn't see straight, but he could see.

"Rogue..." he gasped. "I...I see you..."

She moved forward just a little, "Remy...?"

"I can see...I can see you...you're...so pale..." he blinked, "and blurry...I can't...make out anything...your eyes, I can't see them but...I can see you there...I can see your shape..." his eyes smarted as he strained to see and he shut them tightly, "god it hurts..."

"We need to see the Professor..." Rogue said.

"No..." he refused. "No...Gimme a moment...please..." he begged. "I jus' need time t'...adjust..." he opened his eyes slowly and gazed ahead at her once again to be sure, "I can still see you..." he looked around, "I can see the snow..." he blinked, even the dim whiteness of it hurt his eyes, "jesus...it's makin' me snowblind!" he laughed, his eyes watered at the pain. "Jesus, my sight is comin' back...I'm gon' be able t' see again."

End of Part 36

See, I promised it wouldn't be too long before the next part was up! :) Sorry that the chapters are so sort. I know alot of you would prefer the chapters bulked together with more content, but when they're in shorter chapter format I find it easier keeping up with things (it's just always the way I've written stories more or less and I can't really get out of the habit of it). I hope you're all still enjoying the story, and I hope you're all having good days/weeks/had good weekends. It's very late now and I must sleep. Hope you like part 36. Love you all. As always, thanks for the reviews from the previous chapters 33.

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