A/N: I hate this chapter too, don't worry. THis one features my own song so if you want me to put it up I will (though I have to admit, my singing isn't that good) 38th chappy they make up...now...
36. Beaten, Broken and Bruised
Niveria's P.O.V
The next few days went slowly without him. January 25th was when we had that fight. It's the 3rd of Feb. I had missed Divination and everything else, including Transfiguration and Charms, that day and Professor Snape was asked to see if I was fine. He told me to get my ass down to class in case I risked losing house points. Now I'm sitting, bored, in The History Of Magic. We haven't been having DADA for some time. Something to do with Mad-eye off on a trip or such and such.
Something whacks me on the head. I look up and see a crumpled up paper in front of me. I look around but no one's giving me a clue as to who threw it. Could it be...? Has he finally forgiven me? I open it up, my heart fluttering. There was a moving drawing of two people kissing. Then the girl rears her head and winks at me. Pansy. Fricking. Parkinson. I glare at her, who silently giggles with Daphne. I tear up the paper and throw it away, anger bubbling up within me like silent, molten lava.
A paper bird flies in front of me
Not again.
I open it anyways and there in neat looping handwriting is Demi's note.
Try again before Valentine's Day
My heart lurches unpleasantly in my chest. Another Valentine's day and I'm probably going to be single. Adil's left me alone and moved on to Violet of all people. He keeps smirking at me nowadays. Not that I care.
I've lost all hope. But I'll try. I can't lose him. Help me Demi.
I write back and the bird takes flight but this time it lands in front of Draco. Shit. No. He opens it up and reads it. Oh shit. He scrunches up his forehead and looks around. I sink lower in my seat. His gaze falls on me and I straighten up and pretend to concentrate on what Professor Binns is saying in his high wheezy voice. The bird lands in front of me again and I thankfully let it fly onto Demi's desk. She opens it and looks confused before sending it back to me. I read the whole thing and my breath catches in my throat.
Try again before Valentine's Day
I've lost hope. But I'll try. I can't lose him. Help Me Demi.
You need more help than just that. Starting with that attitude.
It was Draco. He hated me. I look over but, as predicted, he stares straight ahead. I can feel tears forming in my eyes and I finger the teardrop necklace out of habit.
"Reducto" I whisper, tapping the bird with my wand. I can feel his eyes on me even as I brush away a smouldering heap of ashes.
The bell rings and I get up and walk to Transfiguration, not wasting a moment. Immediately I knew something was wrong.
As the Gryffindors and surprisingly the Ravenclaws and the Hufflepuffs pile in, McGonagall glides in holding a cage of fluffy things. She looks strangely dazed and has a smile on her face. Uh Oh.
"Today we'll be transfiguring pygmy puffs into heart shaped vases for Valentine's Day." Oh no.
"Now pairs..." It turns out I got to sit with Blaise. Not bad. But Fyre got stuck with Draco. And most obviously right now she wants me to switch over. I shake my head 'no'.
Come on! Please?
No
Why not?
You know why...he hates me!
You know there's Blaise next to you, right?
Yes
And...?
No, Fyre.
But it looks like Blaise is pretty much doing the same thing with Draco. I shrink in my seat. No way. Draco just huffs and slides into the seat next to me, rolling his eyes. I swallow thickly and tap the curious pygmy puff on its head with my wand, while Draco tries to keep it quiet. More than once his arm brushes against mine and each time my breath catches in my throat.
Crash!
Our half transfigured pygmy puff, which looks like a pink vase with legs, just committed suicide. I.e., jumped off the table. I look down at the shattered glass pieces. Ouch. Draco bends down quickly, his blonde hair brushing my knee.
"Reparo"
The glass rearranges itself but the pygmy puffs legs remain still. We complete transfiguring it and the whole time my hearts hammering in my chest. Suddenly there's a high pitched squeal next to us. Impulsively, I clutch Draco's hand. Oh no.
We both look down and I realise it's not only me holding his hand, he's holding mine too. Our eyes meet and just for a second the cold in them thaws. If it weren't for the bell they would've stayed that way. If only.
He grabs his satchel and makes to get up but realises that his hand is still in mine. I clutch it tightly like it's my only link left to him and get up.
"Draco I-"
"Save it" And he's gone. Again. I'm left alone in the empty classroom staring after him, wishing everything would just go back to the way it was.
I sigh and get out of classroom, heading for the Slytherin tower. Yes I know there are the dungeons too, but I stay at the tower with the 5th years, the 6th years, the 7th years and the prefects.
"The Bloody Baron" I say to the snooty picture of Mona-Liesa. She glares at me and swings on her hinges. I climb into the common room and walk up the stairs to my room.
I wash my face, take off my locket and set my bag down on the floor. Dinner time. Uggh maybe I should skip. I lay considering on my bed and hear the noises of doors opening and girls chattering nonstop. I look at the photo in my hand. It's the same one Draco has. The Niveria in the photograph isn't as happy as she was before. The photo is also empty of its previous occupant, also known as Draco Malfoy. It's a sorry sight really. My whole life is a sorry case infact. My stomach rumbles loudly in protest. I'm probably going to be hungry for the rest of the night if I don't eat.
I run down the stairs. The common room hasn't emptied yet but it was going to, fast. I rush down the stairs two at a time and plop into the seat next to Demi. Rina's sitting with Krum as she does nowadays, blushing and giggling. Her hair is neat and manageable, probably for Krum too. I look at the plate in front of me. Dumplings and gravy. I decide to eat it along with that nice treacle tart which I eat every other day. Draco is sitting on the other side of me with Blaise, who's busy toying with his food, probably thinking of a certain red-head. I just smirk. My smirk vanishes when I see Draco though. My life is truly hopeless.
When I look up again, he's gone. I just sigh and get back to my food. Why did I have to say that? Why did I have to act like I meant it? Why doesn't he understand that I can't do this? Why can't things just go back to the way they were? I left my food on my plate apart from the treacle tart, which I ate. No point in eating when you don't feel like it. Demi looked worriedly at me as I got up from the bench.
"You haven't been eating for the past week and a half, Niveria."
"I...just don't feel like it...I'm going to the lake..." she just nodded her head and went back to eating.
The clouds are hiding the moon as I walk towards the ripple-less water of the black lake. I keep my eyes on my destination: a small clearing where me and Draco first admitted that we loved each other. It seemed so long ago, and yet I remembered it so clearly.
The sound of grunts brings my attention from my thoughts to the ground before me. Not far, a heap of some dark mass lies. Then suddenly I can see an arm waving before slumping back in the grass. Has someone gotten hurt?
I rush towards the spot but before I can reach it, the moon comes out from behind the clouds. I stand stock-still by the sight that meets my eyes.
A patch of bright moonlight falls on the white-blonde hair that I could recognize anywhere. His mouth was fastened tightly with Pansy's.
No, it can't be says the little voice, panicking in my head, but if I didn't know any better, it was.
"No..." I whisper. "D-Draco?" I say, my voice rising a little higher. My voice catches in my throat and tears blur my vision, but I can still hear him. If only that went too...his voice sounds distant but I can make out what he's saying...something about getting it wrong.
I do what I do best.
I run.
Draco's P.O.V
"Get off of me Pansy!" I say, disgustedly "Niveria!" I shout as she tears away from the sight. Pansy giggles sickly as I shove her away from me.
"Niveria!" I get up and run after her. "Niveria!" Why didn't I accept her when she said sorry? She meant it...but no, I had to be a stubborn dimwit. I run as fast as I can.
Up the stairs and in front of Mona-Liesa.
"The Bloody B-Baron" I say breathlessly as the painting swings aside to reveal the entrance to the tower. I rush inside, ignoring the looks from the girls and barge into Niveria's room. She's not there. Her locket is on her desk and I snatch it up and put it in my pocket. Where could she be?
The Quidditch Pitch...
I run out of the common room, causing a very disgruntled painting to snap at me. I don't stop till I reach the Quidditch ground. There, I can see her form, highlighted by the moonlight.
She didn't look over and as I began crossing the pitch, her voice floated across. It was an eerie but soulful melody that made me stand in the shadows, just listening to it:
Shattered souls, fragments of the past
Shatter souls and a couple of memories I'd want to forget
Ghosts of the past, and skeletons in your closet
Haunt me, Break me, Save me
Why don't you save me?
I can't, I can't go on like this
I won't, I won't lay in the shadows.
Where I'm beaten and broken and bruised.
Where I'm eaten on the inside.
Where the suffering is not an option
And you can't take the pain away
Beaten, Broken and Bruised
Crippled me, lying in my pool of dreams.
Bound by chains, lying in my pool of broken dreams.
It's a death sentence, but only in the end
So that I have to live, in this never ending cold.
I can't, I can't go on like this
I won't, I won't lay in the shadows.
Where I'm beaten and broken and bruised.
Where I'm eaten on the inside.
Where the suffering is not an option
And you can't take the pain away
Beaten, Broken and Bruised
At the end of my rope,
Hammering on my hope,
Is this failure, In the shadows.
Convicts,
Around me
Staring
With empty eyes,
Soulless eyes,
Vacant eyes.
I can't, I can't go on like this
I won't, I won't lay in the shadows.
Where I'm beaten and broken and bruised.
Where I'm eaten on the inside.
Where the suffering is not an option
And you can't take the pain away
I can't, I can't go on like this
I won't, I won't lay in the shadows.
Where I'm beaten and broken and bruised.
Where I'm eaten on the inside.
Where the suffering is not an option
And you can't take the pain away
Beaten, Broken and Abused
I just stood still. The music hung in the air, followed by sobs. It felt as if my heart had been wrenched out of my chest and cut up into a million pieces, like it would never mend again and as if going back to her would just make it worse. I could feel her anger, her pain and her frustration, but most of all, her pain of being broken. It was as if every wrong thing I'd done to her had surfaced. Her message was clear.
I was not worthy of her anymore.
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