Phoenix: Chapter Thirty-five
"Are you sure we need all that? I've never heard of half that stuff." Laguna sat with Raine at the center island of their kitchen, munching on the remnants of lunch. She had been putting the finishing touches on a list of foodstuffs she would need. "What's arrowroot?"
Raine rolled her eyes and snatched the list from his hand, taking a sip of her chocolate milkshake. "That's because you don't cook for yourself. If you want me to properly stock this kitchen and make you fabulous meals I need every last bit. And arrowroot is a natural thickener." She drained the last of her icy beverage, moaning in pleasure. "I can't believe I can get one of these whenever I want. I'm going to get very spoiled, very fast."
"It's good to be the President." Laguna cleared the dishes and walked them over to the dishwasher. "And it's good that I can actually share this wonderful life with you."
Raine glanced over her list one more time, and then handed it to Laguna. "It's all set. You're sure this isn't too much to ask of your assistant?"
"Believe me; he'd rather go do it than risk me getting bowled over by a crowd of fans."
Raine chuckled at the mention of Laguna's "fans." Raine tried to imagine his admirers, likening them to groupies following a rock star around. The fact that a President would have such a loyal following was incredible to her. Her memories of Presidents and leaders were that of Galbadian heavies, not caring for the people, only themselves. She was somewhat humbled by the man in front of her. The last time they were together, he was still a bumbling young man, but passionate about finding Ellone and returning her safely to the village. Now he was President of the largest and most powerful nation on the planet.
It made her head spin.
She caught Laguna staring at her, almost as if he were mesmerized. "What's wrong? Do I have whipped cream on my nose or something?" Raine swiped at her face.
"Nothing's wrong, in fact everything couldn't be more perfect. Look at us, it's like time stood still and here we are, back to our old life. Sitting in the kitchen, making a grocery list. It's like we've been together this whole time." He extended a hand to her, beckoning her to follow.
She left the list on the countertop and let Laguna lead her into the den. He patted the couch, instructing her to sit, before going over one of many bookshelves that lined the walls. She watched as he pulled three books that looked to be photo albums down. He sat next to her, and she snuggled into the crook of his arm.
"How's about a trip down memory lane? And a trip up new-memory lane?"
Raine giggled at Laguna's choice of words. He always had a knack for making up absurd ways to describe events and things. He opened up the first album and revealed a torn-out magazine page. Raine recognized it right away. It was the same Timber Maniacs article she had kept under her pillow for years.
"I've seen this article, Laguna. It was one of the only tangible things I had to connect with you. I found the magazine in one of the abandoned lab rooms." She looked down, almost as if she was embarrassed. "I slept with it under my pillow."
Laguna snaked his arm around Raine, holding her tightly. "I'm glad I could be there for you, even if it was in paper-form."
They turned the pages together, looking through various shots of them in Winhill. Ellone jumping on a bed. Raine picking flowers. Laguna cleaning "Mildred." They all looked so happy in the images. Raine was warmed by the pictures, remembering happy times. When they came upon their wedding photos, her tears began to flow freely. Laguna looked so handsome, Ellone so precious. She had loved her wedding dress, and had helped the seamstress in town with the lace herself. She wondered what had happened to the garment, to all her possessions in the pub. In the same moment, Raine was both overjoyed to see the images again, and saddened that her time with Laguna had been so short-lived. She vowed then and there to make every minute now with him count.
"Where did you get these pictures?"
Laguna's body began to shudder as he started to laugh. "I stole them."
Raine looked up to him with a quizzical look on her face. "Laguna Loire, petty thief?"
Laguna explained further. "When I went back to Winhill to, well, to pay for your headstone…" He hesitated, cringing at the memory. "I kinda went to the pub when the villagers weren't paying attention and stole some things. They would have never let me have them otherwise. I took these photos, a few of Ellone's dolls, and some of your belongings."
"A few of my things? Like what?" Raine was beaming at the thought of some of her personal effects from that era still being around.
"That white sweater that you always wore, and your earrings. I couldn't find your wedding ring." Laguna looked very disappointed. "I have them socked away somewhere."
Raine smiled softly and sighed. The fact that Laguna had risked even more ire from the villagers to get mementos of her tugged at her heart strings. He seemed desperate to hold onto memories of her, just as she had been with the magazine article. She thanked the stars that they never had to be apart again. She focused her attention back to the album.
The last page contained an image Raine had never seen before, and she had no idea who had snapped the photo. She and Laguna were embracing, Raine's head turned away from the photographer. She instantly recognized it as the day Laguna left to find Ellone. Her mind swirled at the memory of that day, how devastated she was at the loss of Elle and the impending parting with Laguna. Knowing what she did now, she also was saddened by the fact that she had been pregnant at the time, and neither of them knew before Laguna left. Raine felt it was very fitting that the image was the last in the album, that it symbolized an end of an era of sorts.
"Who took this picture? I've never seen it before."
"That would be Kiros. He's always considered himself somewhat of a semi-professional photographer. He says it relieves stress."
Raine sighed. "I don't even remember him being there that day. I guess I was too caught up in the fact that you were leaving me." She snuggled in closer to her husband. "That was one of the worst days of my life. That, and the day I went into labor. I wished every day that you would make it back in time for the baby, and when he came five weeks early I was devastated. Not that it would have made much difference, but I hoped that you would come bursting through the door every day."
Raine felt Laguna's shoulders slump. "Hyne, Raine, I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you. I feel like it's my fault that you…well, that you died. If I would have been there I…"
Raine cut him off. "You couldn't have done anything. I still would have bled out. You aren't a doctor, and nothing you could have tried to do would have saved me. What's done is done, and by some sort of miracle, we've been given another chance. I guess it's the only good thing Odine has ever done, in a creepy sort of way."
Laguna used his thumb to wipe a stray tear from the corner of his eye. "Still, if I had even known you were pregnant, I could have sent for you and Squall would have been born in Esthar, and you would have had a fighting chance."
"Laguna, with all the communications down because of Adel's reign of terror, there was no way we could contact each other. Let's not dwell on the past. She's dead; we're alive and can start over again."
He closed the album, and set it on the armrest of the sofa. "You're right, like always." He laid the next album on Raine's lap. "Would you like to see some pictures of Squall and Ellone?"
Raine could feel her entire face flush at the mention of their names. "Are you kidding?" She opened the book slowly, and the first photo she saw was a group of smiling children, about five years old. "What's this? Some kind of school picture?"
Laguna smiled, a hint of sadness in his face. "Not exactly. It's an orphanage picture. Squall is the one in the middle, with the red shirt on."
Raine's heart sunk. Her son had grown up an orphan. She fought back tears as she ran her fingertip down the length of his body in the image. Her worst fears had come true. Laguna didn't raise their son.
"How did he end up in an orphanage, Laguna?" Raine's voice was cracking ever so slightly.
Laguna took a deep breath and sighed. "The villagers lied to me. When I came back looking for you and Elle, they told me you had died, but they never said how. I finally managed to wrestle the fact that they had sent Ellone to an orphanage out of the old bat that ran the flower shop. No one ever mentioned Squall. Not once." Raine could hear the resentment and underlying anger in his voice. "Those people hated me from the very beginning, I knew it. I know they didn't want to see you get mixed up with some strange soldier. After dwelling on it, I have come to the realization that they probably thought the ultimate way to get back at me for "ruining your life", as the general store merchant called it, was to hide my only child from me."
He ran his hand through her long hair, entwining his fingers in the strands. "I'm so sorry that I didn't raise him Raine. That he grew up in a military school, being taught to kill. If I would have known about him, I swear it would have been different!"
Raine sat up and turned to face Laguna. She took cupped his chin in her hand and turned his head towards her. "Listen to me, Loire. It's in the past. Did he grow up to be a good person? Is he a responsible leader, a fierce warrior?" Laguna nodded. "See? It all worked out in the end. He's successful at what he does, and I can only hope that he's happy." Raine kissed Laguna on the cheek, and sat back in her place, curling into his body once more. "He is happy, right?"
Laguna sighed, resting his chin on the top of his wife's head. "For the most part, I guess. He's not the most forthcoming individual when it comes to feelings and emotions. That's part of the 'Squall-ness' I mentioned. I really had to work hard these last five years to finally get to him. We're working on it."
Raine stifled a yawn, her eyes beginning to close as she basked in Laguna's body heat. "Was he unhappy as a child?"
Laguna tried not to snort. "You could say that, I guess. He had a very strict upbringing, and a lot of it was self-imposed. He left the orphanage when he was almost six, and went straight to Balamb Garden. From the moment he got there, he was trained to be a mercenary. I think he enjoyed it to an extent, but then again, who knows? He really doesn't talk about it much."
Raine yawned again, trying to focus on Laguna's words. "Is he good at what he does?"
Laguna's voice beamed with pride. "Oh man, you should see him in action. He swings that gunblade around like it's a feather. It's effortless. He's in such good shape he puts anyone to shame, and he's a master tactician and strategist. He has planned some of the most intricate and dangerous SeeD missions ever attempted. That, and he's tough as nails. The kid's been shot twice, beaten, tortured and even had an ice spike go right through his chest. And that's just the stuff I know about. I don't know how he's still alive sometimes." He nudged Raine in the ribs. "It must be the Leonhart blood in him."
Fighting impending sleep, Raine managed to shoot back, "Well, he certainly doesn't get the bravery from you. I remember you being quite the chicken when it came to blood." She exhaled deeply, the darkness of exhaustion finally taking her.
Laguna grabbed a blanket off the back of the couch and draped it over their laps. He closed his eyes and settled down into the comfy plush leather. He let his eyes close and smiled as he too quickly found rest.
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The only indication that a substantial amount of time had passed was the grumbling in Squall's stomach. Looking at the clock on his computer screen, he realized that it was almost four in the afternoon. He was amazed at how three small emails from various faculty members and one SeeD request had turned into seven hours of work.
Trying to decide whether or not to go home and cook or just order in, he turned his chair around to gaze out over the city. He sat watching the cars whiz by below him. His phone rang and snapped him away from the window. He smiled slightly at the name on the screen.
Jane
He had met her a year prior, when she had been hired as the new History instructor at Esthar Garden. She was a year older than him at twenty-four. She was a civilian from Trabia, looking for adventure in the big city. Their relationship was strictly professional at first, as Squall did not want to risk either of their careers by fraternizing. It became apparent very quickly though that the both of them had strong feelings for each other that went way beyond working together.
They had kept their relationship secret for several months, not wanting to attract any attention. Squall had wanted it that way, and Jane accepted it. She understood why he wanted to keep their relationship quiet, he had a very high profile job and father, and didn't want the media poking around all the time. They bothered him enough because of his relationship to Laguna.
Just recently it had leaked that Commander Leonhart had been dating an instructor at Garden, and surprisingly, Squall didn't fight the news. He astonished himself by not lashing out at the press, instead choosing to ignore them altogether. His private life was for him, no one else. He didn't even talk much about it with Laguna, which left the President feeling ignored somewhat. Squall knew that Laguna wanted him to open up more, but he still had boundary issues with the man. Hell, Jane had only met Laguna a handful of times, and even then their encounters had been very brief.
He picked up the phone and connected the call.
"Lemme guess, you're in your office."
Squall stifled a small chuckle. "Yeah, I had some things I needed to take care of." He knew he should tell her about that morning's events, but he didn't know how to bring it up. It's not every day you enter into a conversation with, "Guess what? My dead mother is alive."
"You hungry? Want to meet me for dinner?"
Squall exhaled through his nose. "Sure. Why don't you come over to my place. I have something I want to discuss with you."
"Listen to you, all formal with me. I would love to come over and have a "discussion". You crack me up sometimes. You want pizza?"
Squall smiled. "Pizza sounds great, no green peppers. Give me forty-five minutes, okay?"
"You got it. See you in a bit."
He disconnected the call and found himself with a huge grin on his face. He was glad no one was around to see it. He saved his smiles for Jane and Ellone, and sometimes Laguna. He liked feeling this way for someone else, liked that she reciprocated his affections. He hadn't felt this way about a woman since Rinoa, and he found himself thinking very seriously that he could see himself spending the rest of his life with Jane. The distraction of his girlfriend quickly waned when he began to close down his computer windows, as he saw that he had left the search engine open with his inquiries about Ash and Raine. He scowled as he was brought back to reality.
He knew he would have to see her at some point, but he just wasn't ready. Maybe Jane would have some input. He smiled again at the thought of her name.
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The door chimed and Squall swore he could smell the pizza from across the room. He flipped off the TV and rolled off the couch, heading for the door. As he got closer, the tantalizing aroma of pepperoni and mushrooms invaded his nose.
He slid the door open and there, holding a gigantic pizza box in her arms was Jane. She was petite at just over five feet tall, with short black hair and glasses. Squall loved the way she always had quirky tee-shirts with off the wall sayings and brightly colored nail polish on. Today's clothing offering was a black top with a snarky Moomba instructing you to "Talk to the Paw." She definitely didn't fit the bill when it came to Garden Instructor, and he figured that's one of the reasons he had fallen for her in the first place. She wasn't like any other woman he had ever met.
They spent a lot of their time together holed up in either of their apartments, watching movies and playing video games. He found out quite quickly that she was no slouch as an opponent, and usually ended up kicking his ass at most games. She loved action movies, the more violent, the better. A girl after his own heart. She was a no-nonsense gal, and could hold her own with the toughest of characters. She had a sailor's mouth and wasn't afraid to voice her opinion, but at the same time had a soft feminine side. She cooked and baked like a pro, and they spent a lot of time trying out new recipes on each other. He liked the fact that he could share his love of cooking with someone else. Zell thought it was hilarious that the powerful SeeD commander liked to make muffins.
She also had a fantastic head on her shoulders. She had studied Centran History at Deling University after leaving Trabia. Squall was amazed that she managed not one, but two college bachelor's degrees: History and Education. Not to mention her graduate work in the deserts of Centra, digging up relics for museums. She had just come off her last dig when the job at Esthar Garden had opened up, and she had jumped at the chance to teach at such a prestigious academy.
He loved her little personality quirks, the way she stuck her tongue out of the side of her mouth when she was concentrating, or how she always made sure none of her food was touching on her plate. She was constantly fidgeting her feet when she sat and she hated spiders.
Squall knew that if a woman was going to survive a relationship with him and his moodiness, she would need to be strong. She couldn't be afraid to stand up to him when he let himself brood too much. But he also needed someone that could pull him out of his shell, someone he could feel comfortable enough to relax around.
Jane was a good match.
He took the pizza from her arms and kissed her cheek. "Come on in."
She crossed the threshold and slipped off her sandals. She stood on her tip-toes and kissed Squall softly on the lips. "I'm starving! Let's dig into that damn thing before I eat my shirt."
They decided on eating on the patio, watching the city switch from day to night. They ate quietly at first, before Jane broke the silence.
"You're quieter than usual. What's bugging you?" She sucked a long string of cheese into her mouth.
Squall sighed. "I received some unexpected news this morning." He hesitated, not knowing quite how to continue. "Jane, my mother is alive."
The woman in front of him immediately dropped the piece of pizza from her hands as her mouth hung open. "What? How is that possible?"
"Laguna and I were working out this morning and Kiros came in, telling us that Odine had some sort of secret project. He resurrected her, Jane. Someone in Winhill gave up her body and he brought her back to life."
The young woman drummed her fingertips on the table. "I don't understand. How is that possible? And if she was alive, how come no one knew? I mean, Odine couldn't keep something like that a secret from everyone, could he?"
Squall sprinkled some red pepper flakes on his slice of pizza. "You'd be amazed at what Odine was capable of. You're lucky you grew up in Trabia and didn't have to hear about or deal with him too much. He was super-intelligent, I'll give him that. But he always gave me a bad feeling, like he was up to no good. Now I know he was." Squall took a bite of his pizza. "From what we can tell, Odine and a doctor named Ash, who had been the other participant in the project, panicked when they realized that she was Laguna's wife. Odine exiled them to the desert. Ash was found murdered really early this morning, and the police found Raine inside. Something about this whole situation feels off, and Laguna is diving in, letting her back into his life without being the slightest bit cautious." Squall lowered his eyes. "I…I don't know what to do."
Jane got up and sat next to him. "Look, I know this must have come as a huge shock to both you and Laguna. I know that if I were just suddenly told my dead mother was very much alive, I wouldn't know how to react either." She gently patted his hand. "Squall, I wish I had perfect advice for you. I don't like to see you hurting and confused."
Squall looked out at the city. "I just have so many worst-case scenarios running through my head. What if she isn't who she seems? What if this Ash character or Odine did something to her? No one is stopping to think that there may be ulterior motives here. What if she's been trained to be an assassin, or…"
Jane stopped him by kissing him deeply on the lips, getting his attention. "Will you listen to yourself? It seems to me that you're trying to give yourself a reason not to be involved. You're afraid that you'll be hurt again. You feel like you were abandoned by her when she died, and you're grasping at straws here, trying to find any reason not to get close to her. You don't want to go through the pain of your childhood again if she leaves or does something terrible. Am I right?"
He simply stared at her.
She held his hand, squeezing tightly. "Look, I will be the first to admit that I share a little bit of your concern. I mean, it's not every day that a dead woman just shows up on the radar out of the blue. Who knows what they did to her? But the fact of the matter is: she's here now, she's not showing any hostility, she's probably scared out of her mind, and all she wants to do is see her family. You know I don't have any kids or motherly instincts, but I can tell you that if I were in her shoes, I would want to see you. I would be heartbroken to be rejected."
Squall made an attempt to speak but was cut off. He instead looked away towards the Esthar skyline.
"I agree that everyone needs to be cautious, especially Laguna. Even though I have only met him a few times, he seems like a passionate man and that sometimes he has tendency to jump into situation without thinking enough about it. He's a good guy, and it's obvious that he loved your mother very much. But that doesn't mean you can't at least go and introduce yourself. You need this, Squall. Think of it as potentially closing a door to one very painful time in your life, only to open another one into happiness."
She poked her finger into his cheek, forcing him to look at her. "Haven't you once thought about meeting her? Weren't you the least bit curious about her when you were a kid? This is your opportunity to get to know her. No one ever gets this chance, Squall. Dead means dead, and yet here she is, alive. Don't blow this, when others would kill to be in your shoes." She kissed his cheek and went back to her original seat. "Be a man, Leonhart."
She was right, of course. Squall knew everything she said was true. "Be a man, huh?" He scowled and picked a stray onion off of his piece of pizza. "I guess you're right. I'll go tomorrow morning. Thanks, Jane."
She smiled and shoved her remaining pizza crust into her mouth. "You may think you're all complex and shit, but I got you figured out, Commander."
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A/N: Ok, those of you who know me may have noticed a little bit (ok, a lot) of similarity between Jane and a certain author whose name rhymes with "debedora." Although I haven't been 24 for 10 years… *hides* Can't blame a girl, can you? Now shut up.
Oh, and "Talk to the Paw?" Gotta love Emerald Latias.