Disclaimer: I don't own SpongeBob SqaurePants. He and the rest of the characters belong to their rightful owner the genius; Stephen Hilenburg.
Notes: The word did spread and I saw it in the news online about Ernest Bourgnine, he was definitely a great man. I keep remembering that it was just last year December that I posted this you haven't done so, please read the chapter series: Marvellous Marriage Misadventures, which are chapters: 10, 32, 34, and 36 (38 and 40 will be coming). THANK YOU FOR THE REVIEWS (126). Enjoy!
Title: Solution
It's: fake, phony, unreal, made up. Fake, phony, unreal, made up. Fake, phony, unreal, made up. Clap, clap, clap. Fake, phony, unreal, made up. Fake, phony, unreal, made up. It was a scientific fact that you memorize eighty-five percent of what you say and hear. That is why the squirrel scientist repeated these series of words to herself until it became a nursery rhyme.
It sounded silly, it sounded childish but it was Sandy's only way of surviving emotionally and mentally today. She was marrying SpongeBob (literally). It was a fact that in exactly thirty minutes: she would be wedded to SpongeBob SquarePants nevertheless she had to take into account that it was in fact a play. Which meant is was an act: a performance: a piece of entertainment. The emotions she had for him were there even though she did not want to admit it yet.
Sandy remembers that she was given a short notice. A very short notice. A director, who did in fact look like a director, randomly came up to her in a frantic desperate state, begging for her to act as a bride for a play tonight. She could have said no but she wasn't mean and it wasn't like she had anything better to do (after all all she had to do was wear a dress and say one line). She did learn that in future, if anyone asked her to be a: bride, mistress or wife; she would definitely ask who her counterpart was.
"Sandy! Y-you're the bride?"
"You're the groom?"
"Yeah, but what are you-"
The director clapped his hands several times to gain attention
"Come on people, it's time to get ready. Thanks to me, I've found a wonderful bride, and...I've found a life-like priest for the wedding ceremony at the last minute. Don't I deserve a round of applause."
Sandy clapped for the director as the other's did but shook her head at how quickly people could change their spots, 'you think you know a guy'. Before she could say a sly comment she was ushered into another room to get ready. She heavily reminded herself that it was her fault she was in the situation she was in.
"I'm the bride and I don't even get help?"
There was a knock on the door.
"You are Sandy Cheeks I presume.."
"Yes."
"Here is your dress, veil and flowers. Please hurry as minutes remain now."
Sandy was starting to regret her agreement but she was from Texas. When Texans made a promise; they stuck to it. She opened the box and her jaw dropped. Sure, the dress was probably a prop used time and time again but that didn't mean to say it wasn't beautiful. It was a light, heavenly pink with a long flowing style. The veil had a pink ribbon to match the dress and the flowers were colour co-ordinated too.
"Wow, aren't I a looker. Well it is my wedding day."
She stopped at the train of thought when her mind reminded her that 'Girl, it's a play. Don't get your hopes up'.
"Old cooky me is coming out. This doesn't mean anything. Nothing at all. Absolutely nothing."
She looked at the time and headed out slightly prepared. She kept chanting her rhyme to herself.
'I'm gonna be a star' was the thought of the yellow sponge as he stood on the altar waiting for Sandy; his wife-to-be. He felt giddy and excited and constantly forgot to realise that it was a play about the story of his marriage. As his wife-to-be walked down the aisle; SpongeBob realised who the true star of the show was. His heart felt constricted at the sight of her and it was a little hard to breathe.
All eyes were turned towards her and that included the groom Sandy fought hard to hide the blush that was trying to rise because of SpongeBob's stare. She perceived and put
on a smile still walking down the aisle. The groom couldn't help but feel a strong sense of happiness and pride. Sure it was a play but weren't the best actors the one who truly meant what they said and acted how they felt.
"SpongeBob, do you take Sandy as your lawfully wedded wife?"
"I do." Sandy felt her eyes water.
"And Sandy, do you take SpongeBob as your lawfully wedded husband?"
"And how."
As they were both cued to kiss, the sponge reached to his side and pulled out breath spray? It was not a thing to at your wedding, it was abnormal. Though it was accepted because SpongeBob was abnormal and it was his wedding. The handsome groom on the day leaned forwards and the bride leaned as well.
Sadly. The groom and bride both in the 'heat of the moment' forgot that the bride was an air breather so their lips couldn't physically touch so the sound of a bump to glass was heard. They both stared at each other for a second with an unknown emotion and quickly got out of the trance and turned to the crowd with smiles as the show had to go on. Maybe the emotion was disappointment?
The disaster struck: the wedding music dramatically died down, the lights up above crashed down onto the stage, the director collapsed to the floor as he realised that it wasn't wise to put his three year old brother in charge of the lights. An antagonist booed the show and managed to encourage the rest of the audience to yell and head for the door. Once all of the audience had left, the priest whispered out loud to Patrick.
"I didn't know it was a play?"
She rolled her eyes and looked down at SpongeBob who was supporting a large grin. What was he thinking? The play was a fail.
"You know Sandy, it doesn't have to be."
She realised that he was responding to the priest's answer. She slapped him and turned around hiding her face as she was beginning to enter a flustered state. How could the sponge...how could he flirt at a moment like this?
…
SpongeBob's flashback ended with the animation of her slapping him and he turned to look at her, trying to search for something in her. Surprisingly, she was looking right back at him. Her flashback ended five minutes ago which was her reason as to why she was still staring at him.
"It was just..."
He finished off her sentence, still not breaking eye contact "Acting..."
They both slowly turned to the priest and repeated the same phrase at the same time.
"It was just acting."
Sandy continued with the explanation "No emotions were involved," She laughed "What I mean to say is that SpongeBob would never have feelings for a squirrel like me."
"And Sandy would never like a wimpy, spongy frycook like me." He laughed too, though it was not funny.
"Also-"
"Enough. Enough please, let me think."
The priest was very displeased that his plan had failed. He thought he would enable them to see their obvious feelings for each other and he had been a witness at the altar. He saw it clearly in their eyes, no one could act that good; even if they had experience. What he saw was raw emotion. He sighed. Perhaps plan B would work.
"Now. Let me explain the dilemma on a further scale. The director as you know was hiring people on a short notice. I am truly the peace of justice. When the director sought out my assistance I truly thought I would be marrying a bride and groom in the bonds of love-"
"Mr. Priest, Sir. What are you trying to say."
"What I am trying to say is that...I was not aware that the wedding was an actual play and neither was the marriage registrar woman notified either."
Sandy was following on quick "So, what you mean to say is-"
"Yes, because I was not notified nor the marriage registrar. Your wedding is technically legally accepted and valid by the rules and relegations of Bikini Bottom since 1999.
"Ahh, Bikini Bottom. Sticking to their rules like a good city."
The sponge failed to realise the dilemma. The squirrel gave a light punch to the sponge which shook him out of his patriotism.
"But how could that be? We didn't even exchange rings, make a speech. W-we didn't even kiss properly!"
"Sandy, you must have missed it. We didn't exchange rings because it was taking up five minutes of the pla-"
The squirrel gave the sponge a not-so-light punch. The priest rested his chin on his hand.
"I know, I know, bit since we were aware of the fact that you were an air-breather we knew it would be impossible for you two to kiss so we still accepted the half kiss. Ever since the new rules in 2002, rings are optional and not required. A speech is traditional and not required."
Sandy not a sponge but still all the same absorbed the situation unable to find a solution or how to deal with it. SpongeBob with some sense knocked into him began to grasp the problem.
"Do you both wish to find a solution this problem or leave it as it is."
Sandy looked to SpongeBob and he looked back giving a confident nod to her.
"Very well." The priest sighed again and inserted his hand into his pocket to retrieve a card with contact details of a special firm. The priest handed the card over to Sandy who was presumably the more responsible of the two. He was desperately hoping that this plan B would work.
"Go to this place and you will seek the solution you both seem to want."
"Thanks. Y'all don't know how much help you have been. Come on SpongeBob!"
The sponge bowed in gratefulness "We are eternally in your debt, Mr. Priest, Sir."
As the door closed signifying the yellow coloured sponge and brown coloured squirrel had left. The peace of justice sunk into his chair wondering if the measures he had taken were too extreme.
Author's notes:
FACTS FOR YOU TO KNOW: (Source: SpongeBob wikia and SpongePedia)
1. The first ad said SpongeBob and Sandy could be getting married in this movie. A second ad says that SpongeBob once married Sandy. However, it turns out to be a play, which the Bikini Bottomites disliked very much, although the minister thought it was real.
2. It is possible that SpongeBob and Sandy truly wanted to get married by tricking the minister, because he said, "I didn't know this was a play."
3. The play wedding is a reference to the end of the first book in Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events when Count Olaf tries to marry Violet in a play.
4. SpongeBob and Sandy's wedding (Play though since the justice of the peace didn't know it was a play it means he was really preforming an actual ceremony so therefore they legally are married).
5. Even though SpongeBob and Sandy's wedding was a play, SpongeBob calls it "...the time me and Sandy got married."
6. A deleted line in the marriage scene after the priest says he didn't know the wedding was play, SpongeBob says, "It doesn't have to be", which causes Sandy to slap him. If he said that, this could revealed that Spongebob has a crush on Sandy.
COMPETITION: I have decided that the 130th reviewer of Sixty Spandy Shots will get two prizes (so REVIEW). One: the winner gets to choose a title for me to write, it could be anything...anything. Two: the winner also gets to choose a chapter in the story so far that they would like a sequel for me to write, the choices of the chapters is either: Flowers, Patience, Valentine or Date.
If you have already won before then you cannot win again so in that scenario, the 131st would be the winner. If you win, PM me or in the reviews write what you want. Good luck and thanks for reading. Constructive Criticism and advice is always welcomed.