---Righto. First off, please note, that I do not share Amon's particular opinions voiced in the last chapter. We all know (or should know) that using sex to solve relationship problems is a terrible idea. I mean, shit! That usually makes problems worse. But this is fiction, not reality, and besides, as advice from Amon, why not? I don't think anyone expects philosophical nuance there. And yeah, I'd've got this out sooner, were it not for the election, and my wrecked car, and my prethesis meeting, and did I mention the election holy fuck I didn't sleep for two nights we're so screwed goddamned fucking stupid shitheads in the middle of the country. My advisor is convinced of massive voting fraud and for once I'm tempted to believe in her paranoia-- how could anybody really truly be stupid enough to vote for bush? But I'm getting angry enough to cry again now, so instead, on with the story. . .
Amon was nothing if not good at organizing parties. He was, after all, a bartender; so in a way, it all kind of came with the territory. Thus, it was hardly any trouble for him to start making the necessary calls to Tsukushi's friends to get the ball rolling on the event. The first call he made, was, of course, to Shigeru.
"Hello?" A weary-sounding voice on her end.
"Still losing sleep over the brat, eh?" Amon's pseudo-cynical greeting.
"Fuck you! You stood me up!" cast back with a bitterness that would have done Sakurako proud.
"Nah. . . Don't look at it like that! I gave you two some quality time together."
"Quality time, my ass."
"Your ass got some quality time? How nice for you. I do hope it's not too sore now." The leer in the taunt almost audible.
"You. . You. . Argh!"
"Heh. So high strung. Look, I how about I make it up to you? There's this party I'm throwing for Tsukushi on Thursday. If you come, I promise, you can beat me up for ditching you. How's that?"
"I don't think that's going far enough." She muttered under her breath, before raising her voice to ask a question of her own, " Why are you throwing a party for Tsukushi? What sort of shit are you planning now?"
"Oh, it's nothing bad!" Amon had never sounded less convincing, "She agreed. I'm just trying to help her with her relationship problems."
At this, Shigeru couldn't help herself anymore. She let out a huge gale of gut-busting laughter, almost choking on her hilarity as she attempted to envisage Amon as being capable of truly helping anyone, given the shit he'd helped to put her through.
"Oh Shut up!" he snorted grumpily as her laughter trailed off into helpless hiccupping. "It's not that funny. I don't fuck up anymore than the rest of you goddamned fools. So, are you coming?"
"Ah." Shigeru gasped, as she struggled to control her giggles, "I don't think that's a great idea. Is Doumyouji going to be there?""He bloody well better be."
"Then I'm not." Said with excessive primness, and a stubborn set of her jaw.
"Goddamnit, Shigeru. I thought that you at least, would stop acting like a child at some point. I thought last night might do something for that. Fucking hell, girl, if you don't face the things that bother you, you're never going to fucking get over him." Amon could change moods just as rapidly as Shigeru, herself.
"Oh, fuck you. What do you know about it?"
"Damnit, woman, I didn't call you to argue with you. Are you coming or not?"
"Fine, but on one condition." Doumyouji probably wouldn't show up, anyway.
"Umm. . . and what might that be?" Amon asked more than a little warily.
"Oh, don't sound so paranoid! Its just that, if there's going to be a party, and I have to go -- I want it to be at my place!"
"Okaay. .." Amon had no problem with that. "But what about your parents?"
"Eh. They're away for the week."
"Ah." So she was probably feeling lonely in that big empty apartment. Rich kids were all the same. That at least explained why she'd given in so quickly. They chatted for a little while longer, and by the end of the conversation, Shigeru had begin to gain real enthusiasm for the idea of a party. Her enthusiastic planning instincts had taken over, and already she had started mulling over possible themes and costuming and food that she'd order. . . Amon was more than happy to leave those particular details, while he took care of stocking the bar, and harassing the rest of the guests.
One other call, in particular, he enjoyed making. . . This one, a house call, and not a phone call. Sneaking up upon the Doumyouji mansion -- really, you'd think that a family as rich as this one, would have better estate security. But apparently not. Oh well. Gliding silently, and stealthily down echoing halls, led as if by instinct to Doumyouji's office, pouncing with all the grace of a striking tiger-- only to be brought up short by Doumyouji's automatic block and counterattack.
"What the fuck?!" Doumyouji's characteristic exclamation. "What are you doing here. Asshole?! How did you get in?! What the hell do you think you're trying to pull with that stunt last night?" Barking out questions even as he and Amon continued to wrestle.
"Still a little tense, eh?" Amon laughed. Amazing really, how Tsukasa was always spoiling for a fight. Almost as amazing as how easy it was to convert that violence into another sort of passion.
"Fucker! After that shit you pulled with Shigeru!" After the insults and jabs Amon had leveled at Tsukasa as concerned that girl. Did the bastard think he was just going to sit here and take it? Did he think he could manipulate Tsukasa so? Did he think that Tsukasa would jump back into his bed, for a second go round, after all this? Is that what this was about?
Well of course it was. . . And after the fighting, after the acrimony, the barbs, and . . . yes. . the jealousy of the other's easy friendships with the women in Tsukasa's life, after the bruising catharsis, then came, as Amon had known it would, the need, the desire, for another outlet for the fire filling his soul. The outlet that only Amon knew how to provide.
A house call indeed. Another step toward cementing this 'relationship.' Even as Tsukasa fought against it, he could not deny the fierce pull Amon exerted on him, any more than Amon could deny his own craving.
But be that as it may, in a day or two, Amon's dalliance with Tsukasa was, in the end, nothing but a footnote in the greater scheme of things. Just one more complication in lives already overly complexified. Just like that of Tsukushi. . .
Amon hadn't thought it a good idea for himself to be contacting the other members of the F4 given. . .well, given all that had ever gone before. So, he had Tsukasa deal. A duty he performed, albeit with ill-grace. . . Until, at last, the invites had been tendered, the catering ordered, the decorations hung-- for Shigeru refused to host a party-even one for such a small group-- without all the trimmings. What else were parties for, after all?
Finally. . .Thursday. Morning crept by; classes for some, sleep for others, and for a few-- a combination of the two. In school, Tsukushi and Soujiro an awkward couple, trying still to pretend there was no awkwardness between them-- a lie that neither believed. At lunch, for example, Tsukushi was sitting down already, when Soujiro slid into place beside her, slipping his arm around her shoulders in an old habitual move; except that now, as she had ever since they'd gotten back together, Tsukushi stiffened, froze, could only slowly will her muscles to relax and accept his touch without flinching. "Don't think it, don't think it." She repeated her mantra, eyes held desperately open as she willed away the images that seemed forever graven on her mind. "No. He never touched Yuki like this." Repeated so intently that it almost spilled out aloud. Yeah, Tsukushi knew she had problems. And she was sick of them. Why else would she have gone to Amon, of all people, for advice? She loved Soujiro, and knew he loved her; but that just wasn't good enough. It hadn't been enough to make things work with Tsukasa either. But this time, this time, she didn't think she could stand to fail again.
For his part, Soujiro noticed the sudden tenseness in Tsukushi's shoulders, the gradual lessening of tension. . . And the surge of guilt it all provoked in him. As well as the surge of doubt. . . was it really a good idea to be here with Tsukushi, like this? She'd said she'd wanted him back. . .but. . . God, he didn't know how much more of this he could take. Something had to give. He wanted her, yes. Such a foolish thing, to want a girl who had neither looks, nor grace, nor style. . . But he did, for her qualities were worth so much more than all of that. Yet, at the same time, he still thought that she deserved better, that he, with all his failings, was not the man to give her what she needed. . . And then, he'd remind himself, that she'd said she'd always be there for him, and who was he to question her decision, and maybe this all was simply his fear of commitment acting up. Because, then, He'd see her laughing and joking with Rui, or yelling at Tsukasa, and the hot flare of jealousy that seared through him at that moment was almost electrifying in its painful intensity. But who was he to interfere, after all he'd done? What could he say; she wasn't the unfaithful one, and all that was left for him was to turn away. Fists clenched against the desire, the need, to show her how much more she meant to him than she could ever mean to his friends, (even if even that wasn't as true as he could wish it to be). For he knew, that all such attempts would lead back to this. This moment here and now, his arms, her rigid spine. Awkward, tense and uncomfortable. Both wishing it wasn't so. .
So you can imagine just how much they needed help. Any sort of help. The sort of "help" only their friends could provide- to wit; a convivial atmosphere rife with innuendo, tension, well-intended "advice," and a shitload of booze. . .
A party.
Tsukushi, was, of course, twitchy as all hell. She rushed to Shigeru's house, straight after work, that evening, hoping to beat Soujiro there, that she might get a much needed pep talk from Shigeru, Sakurako, Amon. . . anyone! Well, anyone, that is but Tsukasa, or Rui -- that would probably just be weird, (though how anything could be weirder than the day she dragged Rui to the gynecolegist, even Tsukusho wasn't sure.)
Unfortunately, the fates were against her, and Tsukushi found herself only the second guest to arrive. . . right behind the uncharacteristically prompt Soujiro. However, precious moments of sanity were gained when Shigeru, in a show of exuberance close to her "normal" self jumped them, wielding brightly colored . . . leis?
"Oh god, no" Soujiro sighed, hiding his face in his hands, ". . .don't tell me."
"Yup!" Shigeru chirped, her spirits obviously brightened by the few days spent in planning, "Hawaiian theme! Aloha! Now go get dressed. Boy's room that side, and Tsukushi, you come with me."
Well, ok, a few moments reprieve then, though maybe not so much of the sanity.
"You've got to be kidding me." Tsukushi put her hands on her hips in stark refusal. With Shigeru, you had to expect costuming, but this?
"Oh come on!" Shigeru pled, hands clasped together pleadingly. "We'll all be dressed the same."
"What about the guys?"
"Well, ok, maybe not them. . . But You! And me! And Sakurako. . . And umm. . .Is Akira bringing anyone? No? Oh well. Just the three of us then!"
"But, but, but. . . A coconut bra!" Tsukushi almost shrieked in outrage.
"Guaranteed not to scratch-- see, It's lined! And I even got your size. Aren't the grass skirts to die for?"
"Yeah, someone's going to die, that's for sure." Tsukushi grimaced.
"Oh come on." Shigeru pouted, looking downcast, that Tsukushi wasn't showing the hoped for enthusiasm. "Please?" She was, after all, trying so hard to deal, to get on with her life despite what seemed like a constant stream of disappointments.
"Yeah, Tsukushi, come on." Sakurako had arrived, breezing into the room and grabbing Shigeru's costuming off a chair. "Soujiro will absolutely love how much leg these things show. . . see?" And she proceeded to model for them. Not that she was all that psyched, but hey, it was for a friend, after all. A measure of just how much restraint she was showing, was her determination to keep biting her tongue every time the urge to bitch about just how inauthentic this particular set of costuming truly was, surged up in her.
With much embarrassment, Tsukushi finally got into her costuming, along with the other two girls. . . It didn't take very long, but she could see Shigeru was holding something back. . . a bad case of the giggles perhaps?
"Shigeru. What is it?"
"You'll see." A mischievous glint in her eye.
Still scratching their heads, Sakurako and Tsukushi followed her back out of their changing room, to where Soujiro was waiting, looking more than a little put out. And no wonder. Shigeru and Sakurako immediately started giggling, while Tsukushi's cheeks slowly began to flush. . .
"A loincloth!" Sakurako managed to gasp between laughs.
"It was the closest thing I could find. . ." Shigeru giggled.
"I thought, when you told me it was a Hawaiian party, that the boys were gonna be wearing Hawaiian shirts?"
"Oh no!" Shigeru pretended to look horrified at the very suggestion, "That wouldn't be fair! Anyway, let's drink!"
"At least it's warm in here," Soujiro grumbled, starting to follow after the two lively girls. He paused, however, when he realized Tsukushi hadn't moved. "Hey, Tsukushi . . you coming? . . ."
She was frozen in place, just staring. It'd been a while since she'd seen him so scantily clad, and for some reason, tonight it was just hitting her really hard, just how hot he really was. Sure, she'd always known: the F4 were totally built, all of them, and she'd seen them all in states of near undress before, and of course Soujiro Was her boyfriend, but damn! It had been a while. And of course, what she was supposed to attempt tonight had the physical all on her mind. . but damn!
"Uhh. . Earth to Tsukushi? Are you all right?" He waved a hand in front of her face.
"Ye. . Yeah. I'm fine." Tsukushi stammered, more than a little flustered, "Just. . that. . . ThatLoinClothReallySuitsYou!"
"Well of course it does," He chose to laugh it off, "Red's my color! Come on, let's go see what else Shigeru's got in store for us." Laughing, he put his arm around Tsukushi's shoulder, mentally debating how badly Tsukushi would react were he to grope her coconut in front of the rest of their friends-- would the amusement value be worth the pain she'd inflict on him? Eh. He'd save it for later. At least she wasn't pulling away from him right now.
Slowly, the rest of their friends trickled in, and submitted to the indignity that was Shigeru's idea of a party.
"But hey, you can't go wrong with tropical drinks!" Akira exclaimed, as he plonked one of Amon's killer scorpion bowls down in front of Rui. "Here, drink with me."
"That thing?" Rui quirked a skeptical eyebrow. "No thanks."
"Hey, don't be such a spoilsport, man." Akira prodded, "I mean, just because you don't approve, doesn't mean you have to gloom all night." He glanced in Tsukushi's direction, lowering his voice conspiratorially as he continued, "You agreed to the plan. It's for their own good, damnit!" As if there wasn't enough scheming going on around here already
Rui sighed, "I didn't agree to your so-called plan. I merely agreed that I wanted Tsukushi to be happy."
"Same thing!"
"It's not, and you know it."
"You're still not over her." Wisely, Rui chose not to answer. "Ok, fine, I can see that. And you're still angry at Soujiro. You know how to hold a grudge almost as well as Tsukasa, don't you? Don't answer that. But. Shit, man, this is life. You can't always get what you want. That's the way it is. Look at Shigeru. You think you have it bad? Then fuck you for a self-centered bastard. That girl has problems, and look at her. She faced up to them. Finally. And accepted that she couldn't have her way. Is she happy about it? Fuck no! Is she moping around avoiding everyone still? No! Look at her." Shigeru was, at that moment, attempting to hold conversation with Tsukasa. It looked awkward, strained, but at least she was trying to accept things, trying to get back to a point where they could at least be comfortable as friends. And then, Amon sauntered up, fresh drinks in hand, to whisper in Shigeru's ear; making her flush and laugh, before turning hungrily, almost predatorily towards Tsukasa. . .
"Ohh!" Akira's eyes widened, and he poked Rui in the ribs. "This is gonna be good! You haveta watch!"
"Eh." Rui shrugged, but turned his attention away from the scene across the room, where Tsukushi and Soujiro were attempting conversation with Sakurako's dull fiancé. (A difficult task at best, made more so by the constant distraction of Sakurako's wandering hands.) Back over in Shigeru's corner, Amon handed the clutch of drinks off to Shigeru, and feinted towards Doumyouji. For his part, Tsukasa glowered, though it might be claimed that the angry exterior was a mere façade for the sudden alarm inside. He couldn't back away, for that would be a sign of weakness, but he still didn't want to admit his thing with Amon was anything more than a momentary lapse, and that, all evidence to the contrary, it was ever going to happen again. Which is why, Tsukasa was seriously startled when Amon didn't attack as expected, and instead leaned back, arms folded across his chest, laughing.
"What?" Tsukasa felt his hackles rising defensively.
"Nothing," Amon deadpanned, "I'll leave that up to you to decide."
"The hell? What's that supposed to mean?"
"Anything you want it to." Amon turned back to Shigeru, to claim his drink, and whisper once more in her ear, "See, I told you. Gotta keep him off balance. Keep him guessing. Isn't he cute when he splutters like that?" Noticing Rui and Akira watching, Amon sent them a lascivious wink. Leaving them to only guess what was really being said in that corner.
"Damn, I thought they were going to kiss, or fight. Or maybe both." Akira groused. "That wasn't exciting at all."
"You have no appreciation for subtlety." Rui murmured, closing his eyes and leaning back into the couch. "I think I will have that drink after all."
"What subtlety?" Akira passed Rui the bowl, "Guy's got all the subtlety of a pile-driver."
"Sure he does," Rui shrugged and slugged back the fruity concoction. "Compared to Tsukasa at least. "
"Well, I guess at least Tsukasa's finally met his match, then." Akira, in the spirit of solidarity finished his round as well. "Always thought it Tsukushi was the one who could keep him in line. But I guess, you can only fight fire with fire for so long." He grimaced, and glanced around the room once more, as if checking to make sure no one was listening, "Still, I can't say as how I really understand it at all. I mean. . . Kunisawa???"
Rui cracked open one eye to gaze, in world-weary knowingness at Akira, "He fights dirty."
"Well sure, but."
"You fight fire, with dirt."
"Huh?"
"You know as well as I, how tiring it is to deal with Tsukasa head on. You do what he wants, you go around him, or you opt out. You can't fight him It's too tiring. It wore Tsukushi out. It would wear anyone out. But Amon, he knows what it's like to Be Tsukasa. He knows all the cracks, all the tricks. And like Tsukasa, he plays to win."
"No good can come of it." Akira shook his head plaintively, "I mean, it's good that Tsukasa's not a virgin. But Kunisawa? Is it a fling? Are they dating? Are they just fucking? And what about Shigeru?"
"I don't think they even know." Rui laughed. "But I'm not getting involved. And neither should you. They'll figure it out eventually."
"Or kill each other."
"Indeed."
"Eh." Akira threw up his hands in mock despair, "Tsukasa's mother will kill them if she ever gets wind of this."
"Most assuredly. If the shock doesn't kill the bitch first," Rui agreed calmly, "Is it time?"
"Oh shit!" Akira glanced around the room again, Tsukushi had abandoned Soujiro, leaving him at the mercy of Sakurako and her beau, in order to get herself a wee bit more liquored up. "Yeah, looks like it's about time."
"Oh good." Rui lifted a languid arm from the couch to beckon Tsukasa over.
"This is the only part you've been looking forward, isn't it?" Akira taunted. An accusation that Rui chose not to answer.
"This is stupid." Tsukasa's greeting as he strode over, his discomfort over Amon's appearance showing plainly through. Amon followed closely behind, still looking secretly pleased, as if over some private joke.
"Yeah, so?" Akira shrugged, "It'll be fun. Anyway, you've all heard Soujiro's bitching. Tsukushi's so goddamned tense, she doesn't even like it when he kisses her anymore. When she lets him. Which isn't often."
"Can you blame her?" Tsukasa growled.
"I'm not blaming anyone. I'm just saying." Akira waved his hands in surrender.
"So," Amon interrupted, breaking in on their dialogue, the only one of the four not in on Akira's plan. "You are aware, aren't you, Why that is? How would you like to have images of your lover fucking someone else constantly on your mind?"
"Ah. . ." Akira hastened to intervene, "Actually, I think I can speak for All of us when I say, 'been there done that.' And yeah, Kunisawa, actually those two, and Tsukushi? Yeah. . . They know. But that's all in the past now, right guys?"
"Hmm. . ." Rui looked thoughtful, while Tsukasa merely looked furiously glum.
"But. . ." Akira drawled, explaining things for Amon's benefit. If he was here, he may as well hear. ". . .Soujiro. He doesn't know."
"He fucking well should." Tsukasa, speaking with unsurprising vehemence.
"He doesn't appreciate what he's got." Rui, speaking with bitter experience.
"No one does, until they see it being taken away." Amon nodded in agreement. "So what? You're going to try to steal her back? You know that won't work, right?"
"Duh." Akira snorted. "But a lesson simulated can still be a lesson learned."
"And here's today's TA, now." Rui nodded as Tsukushi meandered over, looking at the group with trepidation.
"How's the blood alcohol level?" Amon asked, thinking of schemes within schemes, the great metaness of it all, when really a decent conversation might have served. But this way was probably more fun, anyway. Well, at least for some.
"Getting there." Tsukushi murmured, looking down at the floor. "Is it time?"
"Yup." Akira grinned. "Places, everyone!"
"Hmm. . . " Amon retreated to observe, as Tsukushi made a bee-line for the bar. Akira wandered, seemingly aimlessly for the food table, while Tsukasa went back to pretending conversation with Shigeru, but, the both of them, remaining in close earshot of their favorite weed, and all them, making sure to be in Soujiro's clear line of sight.
"Silly teenagers." Amon sighed, noticing the flaw in their plan, and moving into position of his own.
Meanwhile, Rui went up to Tsukushi. A moment of conversation seemed to ensue. Rui looked sad, almost pleading, his hands reaching out to cover hers at the bar. The words, very clearly enunciated by the usually quiet boy, "Please, you mean so much to me, just let me show you. He doesn't deserve you. He never has. Why can't it be me?" Well, even if that hadn't caught Soujiro's attention, Rui's next move most certainly did. Amon had been expecting it, from the boys' conversation, though he had to admit , he hadn't been expecting the "performance" to echo Rui's reality so well. (From what little Amon knew, he could guess that Rui was the only one not acting here.). Of course, Rui bent down to kiss Tsukushi. The only surprise being that, though she tensed, she didn't push him away.
"Hmm." Amon hummed to himself. Tsukushi didn't look happy, but she was going along with this. . And oh, hmm, most definitely, Hanazawa was taking maximum advantage of the situation. "Probably his last chance." Amon murmured quietly, feeling a sudden melancholy surge of sympathy for the reserved boy. Oh! And now was the time for his own part. Amon acted swiftly to intercept Soujiro in his impulsive rush across the room. "Now, now, don't be so hasty; they're not done yet." Expertly, he twisted Soujiro's arms painfully behind his back. "Oh, and keep your mouth shut, or I'll break your arm."
"The fuck?" Soujiro gasped, as he tried to free himself, "Asshole! Let me go!"
"Not yet." Amon grinned, and gave Soujiro's arm a nasty twist. "Now watch."
As if he could take his eyes off the sight if he tried. Rui. . . Rui was still kissing Tsukushi. And not those sweet chaste kisses the usually preferred. Oh no, this was the real deal. And Tsukushi wasn't fighting it. Her spine was rigid, her shoulders tense, yes. But she Didn't pull away, as Rui brought her closer, deepened the kiss. . . Amon's grin intensified . Who'd've thought the boy had it in him? They didn't stop until both were breathless, and flushed. Tsukushi looked dazed. Rui. . .hungry; almost like a starving man, who's just had his last meal, and knows he'll never get another.
"I'm sorry, but. No." Tsukushi finally recollected herself enough to remember her lines. Fortunately, she was spared from further effort by the arrival of Tsukasa.
"What the hell are you trying to do, shithead?" He roared at Rui. Oh man, he wasn't exactly acing, either. One instant was all it took for the old rivalry between the two to flare up again. Almost, it looked like they would really come to blows. Amon glanced towards Akira, off on the side, who was nodding contentedly. Oh. Of course, he'd known it would be like this. Amon had to give the boy credit. He hadn't thought that Soujiro would be fooled by a false attempt to inspire his jealousy. It had to be real. They really would still be fighting over Tsukushi, just like this, if they hadn't finally accepted that she'd made her choice. And that was why the whole thing worked. That fool Nishikado was the only one who still doubted. He could almost feel Tsukushi being taken away from him. Either one could succeed if she ever came to her senses. Hah. Amon could've told the idiot boy the unlikelihood of that eventuality. But, he was enjoying the scene far too much.
"Oh fuck it." Tsukasa growled, "Now who's making her cry?" And indeed, Tsukushi was looking a bit watery about the eyes. Still, if hadn't already known better, Amon might have thought it totally out of character, the way Tsukasa reached out for Tsukushi, and gently enclosed her in his bear-like embrace, as if afraid that she might break. He glared defiantly at Rui, before leaning down to nuzzle Tsukushi's hair; a move she responded to by throwing her arms around Tsukasa's neck and looking up at him, with a melancholy lost look on her face. A look that had caused his heart to twist and ache so many times in the past. Instinct, and experience told him how to make that frown vanish. So of course, he kissed her. In the background, Rui pouted, while Soujiro struggled fruitlessly, unable to do anything but watch the tender exchange. Funny, that at this moment, Tsukasa was the sweetly gentle one, while Rui had been all fiery passion.
"Hmph." Akira finally got tired of the whole scene and pushed away from the table he'd been leaning on. "Bravo. Bravo." He clapped sarcastically, "Isn't it a bit late for such butting of heads?" assuming his own role as mediator of the clash, as if he hadn't helped choreograph the whole thing. "You're ruining Shigeru's party. Stop it already. Go get a drink and cool off. Besides," he continued, almost offhandedly, "you two can't kiss for shit." Amon almost his grip on Soujiro, he was laughing so hard. Not at the statement, but rather, at the choking noises Soujiro was making, as Akira sauntered up to Tsukushi and pushed Tsukasa away. "Here, Let me show you how it's done."
"What is this," Shigeru asked Sakurako rather loudly, as they both looked on, "Some kind of bizarre macho kissing contest?"
"That's exactly what it is." Sakurako sniffed peevishly. "Didn't you know? She told me yesterday, Tsukushi's tired of all this waffling and not knowing what's right, or what to do to make things right. Silly girl. So I told her, You need to find out what makes you burn from your scalp to your toes. Who can make you feel like you're the center of the world? Who can turn you on with just one touch? You find who lights your fire, and you jump them. Simple."
"So. . .Why's Akira kissing her?" Shigeru sounded puzzled, "He's not interested."
"Oh, that." Sakurako laughed, "Hell, why not? I think he's just trying to show the rest of them up. Either that, or he just wants to make Soujiro mad. . . he certainly is taking his time, isn't he?" The exchange, was of course, just as staged as the rest of the show, but how was Soujiro to know that?
Soujiro had gone limp, and ceased his struggles as he eavesdropped on the girls conversation. Somehow, he got the impression that he was being set up, but he still wasn't sure how. Right now, all he wanted to do was punch Akira right in his goddamned perfect face, fuck him up so he could never kiss again. Shit shit shit and Damn! Look at them! After that shit with Rui, and the nonsense with Tsukasa, she was actually considering Akira. Bloody hell! Soujiro's mind raced. He couldn't let that happen. She'd said she loved him! Goddamnit, if she could kiss Akira without cringing, -- and holy fuck where did he think his hands were going!? Then she could bloody well stop freaking out at his touch. And if he couldn't make her toes curl, then damnit. . . maybe she really would be better off without him. Soujiro couldn't tear his eyes away; Akira had Tsukushi back against the bar now, and was still going strong. She did look like she was enjoying it. But finally, she pushed him away, red-faced and gasping for breath.
"And that is how it's done." Akira sketched mock bows at Tsukasa and Rui, "Take it from a pro."
"But I still wouldn't want to date you." Tsukushi gasped quietly.
"Hey!" He cried in mock-affront, "Wasn't I so much better than those jokers!? And I am in between women right now. . ."
"Hold It!" Soujiro found that Amon had finally released him. Quickly he stepped away, rubbing his sore arms, "Akira, you can't be serious!"
"Why can't I be?" Akira assumed an air of wounded innocence. "Makino is growing up. She needs someone with experience to guide her. Someone stable and trustworthy. Someone like me." He grinned disarmingly.
"But, but." Soujiro blurted, "You don't love her!"
"So?" Akira raised an eyebrow, "What's that got to do with it? Do you? I need a girlfriend and she needs a man. You think you can do better?"
"Yes!" almost a cry of desperation. Emotions that Soujiro hated anyone seeing.
"Yes to which?" Akira refused to relent, while Rui and Tsukasa glowered in the background, "Yes you love her, or Yes you can do better?"
"Ahh. . ." Soujiro glared, hating to have to admit what everyone already knew.
"Come on." Amon taunted from behind. "It's not a tough question. Those two think they love her better than you. That one thinks he can do a better job as boyfriend. Hell, I could too. So which is it; can you do better than Mimasaka, or is love all you got going for you?" he made it sound like a sneer.
"Both." Soujiro finally stood his ground, before he managed to get himself anymore backed into a corner than he already was.
"Then Prove it." Rui was the one to speak this time. Glaring a challenge at Soujiro. "Prove that you can do better. Prove that you can take care of her, prove that you can love her better than Tsukasa or I."
"Or else." Tsukasa cut in. "Or else, I swear, I'll kill you, myself."
"He'll have help from me." Rui agreed.
"Actually, all of us." Sakurako added her two cents.
"You do know how dumb you all look, right?" Amon was getting tired of the drama, "I mean look at yourself! Have you noticed that we're all wearing loincloths! And palm fronds everywhere. Coconut bras! Hula skirts. And you're talking about love and caring and shit. I liked the kissing better. Goes with the décor. Show some fucking passion, you damned pansy and kiss your girlfriend. If you love her, fucking show it. Look at her! She's waiting for you." It was true, now that the 'kissing contest' was over, Tsukushi was looking forlornly down at the floor, wiggling her toes, and wondering if any of this had been a good idea. After all, Soujiro was just standing there. Maybe she should just give up and go home? "You stupid fuck." Amon continued, "Or are you squeamish that she's been swapping spit with your buddies? 'Cause if you are, I can guarantee you right now, there are others who aren't. You'd better hurry while she's still willing to give you a chance."
"I'm not stooping to your level." Soujiro turned back, and glared at Amon. "Neither Tsukushi nor I are performing monkeys for your entertainment." And now, his voice was colder than Amon had thought possible from such a feckless fool. "Do you think that a public spectacle is going to make us any more or less committed? I'm not doing any of this for you." He was dangerously angry now, as he continued, "You can think what you want of me, and you can say what you want. But I don't care. All that matters to me, is what Tsukushi thinks. She's the only one here who ever understood. The only one that could reach me. If she's given up on me, then that's her right," he bowed his head glumly, "She of all, has always understood when to call it a total loss. But that's for her to decide. And not you." His eyes shot back up, transfixing the room with his fury, all the frustration and pent up unhappiness finding an outlet in this backlash, "None of you are fit to judge me. You can't know me when you never even understood yourselves." He sighed, and suddenly, Tsukushi could see his the tension etching his body drain out, "I'm tired of this all. Tsukushi, I'm sorry. You know I am. Tell me what it's gong to take; can we work through this, can you forgive me enough to forget, or should we just be friends? Can you ever stand my touch again? I'm not going to come over there and try to force you to feel what I do. But, if you want to try, well, you know where you can find me." He smiled grimly, and without another word, turned and left the room, intent on finding his clothes and fleeing the suddenly stifling atmosphere.
"Oh shit." Sakurako muttered disgustedly.
"Well that tears it." Shigeru agreed. "Akira, your plan sucks."
But what about Tsukushi? She stood still, staring at her feet. Tears dripping from her eyes, feeling guilty for what she'd helped to put Soujiro through. She shouldn't have agreed to Akira's plan. Shouldn't have even considered Amon's. But there it was, and it was her fault Soujiro was hurting again. Much as she hadn't wanted to be kissed by the other boys, she couldn't deny that she'd enjoyed it, and that made her feel even worse. And so she stood and cried into her hands. Alone in the room, despite being surrounded by her friends. Both Rui and Tsukasa hovered, nearby, wanting to comfort her, but not sure how appropriate that would be.
Finally, it was Amon who snorted in disgust, and shook Tsukushi by the shoulders. "Stupid kids, the lot of you. This is the point where you need to go after him. You know how you're feeling now? Think that's how he felt after fucking the bimbo? Or something close to? Think he doesn't regret as much as you do? Probably more so. You've punished both of yourselves quite enough, don't you think? So get your dumbass out there and put all this crap behind you. Or don't. Stay here with tweedles dum, dee, and duh. But you have to live with the consequences. Your choice." With that, he pushed her, none too gently, toward the door. Not trusting her to make the right choice on her own.
Numbly, Tsukushi went. Picking up speed as she put the party behind her. Not even pausing for her own street clothes before chasing Soujiro out into the cool spring night.
"'Jiro, Wait!" She called after his slowly retreating figure. Glumly, Soujiro turned, somehow not really having expected her to follow this time. His brain was still having trouble processing the fact that she had, when it finally noticed that she was still dressed in no more than a lei, coconut bra, and grass skirt. Not even wearing shoes. Stupid girl never did have any common sense. His pause gave Tsukushi just enough time to catch up, to slam breathlessly into him. "Damnit, you didn't wait for me!" She accused, pouting into his bewildered face. Pouting, and angry, because she was no good at apologies. "I, I'm an idiot. I shouldn't have listened to them. Oh fuck, it's all my fault. I guess. . I just needed to know. . . what it was like. Can you forgive me?"
"Tsukushi What the fuck are you blithering about? What are you doing here?" questioning to conceal his surprise and near overwhelming relief that she hadn't turned from him.
"I couldn't let you go." Tsukushi babbled on, "I think we can make it work. I'll try harder. But only if you do too."
"Wha?" Soujiro finally processed the fact that Tsukushi still had her arms locked around him, as if afraid that he was going to run off again. Processed that, and the fact that the damned coconut bra pressed against his chest was damned painful. "I'm not going anywhere. You're not the one I'm mad at."
"But you should be."
"So? Tell you what. I'll be mad at you, if you don't stop crushing my ribs."
"Oh! Sorry." Tsukushi blushed in embarrassment, and made as if to let go completely, only to be stopped by one of Soujiro's arms sliding loosely around her waist. And this time, instead of tensing, Tsukushi found herself, for the first time, not thinking of Yuki. Soujiro would never get as furious at his friends for her. Would never have been driven to fight with his friends for her. Or been comfortable to just stand here in the street, hugging, without it leading straight to the bedroom. And so, maybe Tsukushi could forgive him, could learn to focus on what made her special, instead of how she might merely fill in a place where any other could have fit. As that dawned on her, as she finally began to understand how she could go on like this, she smiled up at Soujiro. His profile in the moonlight, while he regarded warily her with dark eyes, as if afraid that she'd slip way like some shy woodland creature, was beautiful. And suddenly, she realized something else; that Akira's theory was wrong, that the way to find a partner, was not to search for someone who could make your heart race, who could make your veins burn with an inner fire, but rather, to seek someone whom you wanted to make feel that way. As right now, she was seized by the impulse to show Soujiro how much she really cared. No longer willing to be bound by the irrational fear that he'd then see her as just like all the other girls in his life.
Cautiously, Tsukushi reached up one hand up to caress Soujiro's cheek, run through his hair, turn his face down to hers, all so she could stretch up on tiptoes and bring her lips to his. Not about who wanted to kiss her, or how skilled they were, but whom she wanted to kiss, whom she'd chosen. And she'd chosen Soujiro. She wanted him to feel the same, and if didn't, then they really would be better off alone.
Hah. As if the outcome of her action was ever in doubt. Slowly at first, as if he couldn't believe Tsukushi was actually taking the initiative now, then more confidently, as she showed him how much she had learned from him, back before their relationship had gone sour, he kissed her back. Ignoring the street, and the occasional passing car, he pulled her closer, not even seeming to notice the unyielding pressure of that damned coconut bra against his ribcage. It wasn't until one wandering hand, slipping up along the back of her thigh, beneath the grass skirt, failed to be slapped away, as had always been Tsukushi's wont, that Soujiro recollected himself.
"Tsukushi." He murmured, pulling away slightly, "What are you doing?"
"Kissing you." She grit out, thankful that her blush wasn't visible in the moonlight.
"Why?" He hesitated, torn by paranoia, "Because of what Akira said? You seeing how I compare to the rest?"
"No!" Tsukushi drew back as if slapped, stung by the accusation. "Because you're my boyfriend and I love you! Isn't that enough? And to apologize for the shit we put you through. But Not to compare! How could I? You're the one I love; there can be no comparison. . ."
"Shit," Soujiro winced, ashamed of his on paranoia. "I'm sorry. Really. Oh damn it." He quickly changed the subject. " . .So what happens now?"
"Well," Tsukushi leapt on the opportunity, "Can we go inside somewhere? It's cold out here. And this damned bra chafes!"
"Not going back to the party." No way did he want to deal with his friends right now. Tomorrow would be another day. With calmer tempers, all would undoubtedly be forgiven and forgotten. After all, the F4 were no strangers to bickering and jealous infighting.
"No." Tsukushi nodded, "How about home?"
"Oh." Soujiro frowned, unable to keep the disappointment from his voice. He'd somehow been hoping for some more time with Tsukushi before dropping her off at that closet she called home. "I guess you do need to do your homework, tonight, don't you?"
"Umm. . ." Tsukushi hesitated, and took a deep breathe before continuing, "Actually, I meant, I wanted to go home with you. If that's all right?" She'd slept over before, of course, sometimes in the same bed as him, but nothing more than cuddling, or low grade fooling around ever went on. She'd always been so adamant about that. This time, however, the pause, the strain in her voice, startled Soujiro. He did a double-take, staring down at the top of Tsukushi's head, trying to read the workings of her mind. Nah. He decided he'd been reading too much of his desires in her words, damned hormones. . . but then, he thought of their kiss, and how she hadn't slapped away his errant caress, and he wasn't sure anymore.
"Yeah," he said slowly, "Whatever you want to do, is fine by me." Even if it just meant that all they'd do is cuddle. After so long without being able to hold her at night, even that would be enough. Even just the way she comfortably slipped her hand in his, during the cab ride, or relaxed against his shoulder, even that, so much of an improvement from the tension and strain she'd suffered from before, even that was enough for him tonight.
TBC
---Hey kids, guess what? Yeah, you got it, next chapter's the last one! About fucking time, no? hell, maybe I'll even write it sometime in the next millenium. So yeah, as you can see, not everyone's life is going to come out perfect, not all issues can be resolved. 'cause that's life. The only resolution is death, and I'm sure as hell not following these guys to their graves. . . ah well, until next chapter, --cm---