I give up. Totally. So much that I had to sub in something like this--which is a request drabble for a friend. Oh yes. I am tired and I am sick and my throat hurts. So uh, I might be able to write for a looooong time. Please forgive me insane rantings and ramblings about life. University prep and money stuff has been taking a toll on me and it's really stressful. Please just enjoy what I have now because I might be able to update for a long time.
Vista isn't the best thing on earth, but it will have to do for now. Instead of my old XP lagggy because my C harddrive is full and annoying. I am stressed and everything is just messed--not to mention about 4-5 days of fever has dumbed me down. So, yeah. I'm sorry. I might not be able to continue for a long time. About a few weeks or so, maybe? I don't know. Everything is very...messed up right now.
Thanks for understanding.
To those who reviewed, thank you very much. you make my life happy.
Thanks, everyone.
Pairing: X59 (Xanxus x Gokudera)
Perhaps it was not yet to be exaggerated into the public just yet. Perhaps it was best to withhold the truth until peace arrives—and maybe it was best to just keep it quiet for the time being. Perhaps it was best to just let it sit. Perhaps it was best to not say anything at all.
That was what Gokudera thought for the time being. In front of him, was the leader of the Varia, Xanxus, sitting firmly in his chair in his home.
"X-xanxus…what are you doing here?"
Xanxus sneered at the other and stood up—faced the smoker's face. "What, I can't come here?"
Gokudera found himself fidgeting at the sight of the man—it was probably nervousness, he thought as he cast the thought away. "I-I didn't say that—I just said…I mean, I just asked why you were here."
Xanxus swiftly grabbed the younger teen's wrists and slammed them on the wall closest to them. He watched as the other wince in pain as he turned his head, avoiding the other's glaze. Aggravated with the reaction he was given, he passed one wrist to both of his hand and using his free hand, he used it to tip Gokudera's chin to face him.
"What? Is it not normal for lovers to visit each other?"
Gokudera blushed but cringed when he tried to move his head to avoid the other's gaze when he found that he couldn't. "Xanxus—"
"Why are you struggling, trash?"
Gokudera squeezed his eyes shut and gritted his teeth. "Please…I…"
Xanxus tightened the grip on both Gokudera's wrists and leaned close to the teen, his eyes glared holes into the boy. "You what?"
Gokudera opened his eyes ajar as he stared into the depth of other man's piercing gaze. His gaze was so powerful; it bored holes into his soul, as he could not look away from the sharp glance. He had to force his eyes shut in order to look away, his desires pushed behind him.
"D-don't come here again…"
Suddenly, everything around the room including the two breathing people stopped their actions. Even Xanxus halted his breath for a short period of time. Gokudera just cast his glance downwards, staring guiltily at the ground.
The cage around both Gokudera's wrists opened as Xanxus freed the younger man's wrists as he watched them fall limply down to the their owner's sides.
"Trash."
Xanxus gripped the younger man's shoulders and pressed them down against the wall and forced his face onto the other's, their lips meeting in a brutal, savage way. He pushed his lips onto the other as he gave the other and assaulting kiss, his fingers dug into the other's shoulders as he pushed them further against the wall.
Gokudera, on the other hand, was wincing painfully. His scrunched up face gave all his pain away. His hands clawed at the other's torso as he desperately tried to get the man away. He choked on the kiss as he pushed harder, perhaps trying to attain oxygen that was leaking from his lungs.
"MMMnnnggg!!!"
With brute strength, he used his hands and clubbed them against the other's stomach—luckily, he had pushed hard enough to make the other back off. He grabbed his shoulders briefly and nursed them gently before he looked at the other again.
"Please…don't…"
Xanxus glared at the silver-haired teen. "Don't joke with me."
"Xanxus…"
"I said, don't fuck with me!"
That one outburst sent Gokudera backed against the wall. He sank to his knee as his eyes' glare penetrated. "Xanxus--"
"Stop fucking with me. It's all because of that rain brat, right? He saw it, right?"
"No, I--"
"You're afraid that he would go home and tell your weakling boss—Sawada Tsunayoshi--"
Gokudera swapped his arms around in hopes of hitting the talking man, but to his misfortune, Xanxus was far from hitting range.
"Don't you ever talk about the tenth that way!"
Xanxus cursed at the other and walked out of the room as he swung the door open noisily, his foot stomping across the carpeted ground in thumps. The thumps that matched Gokudera's heartbeat.
He walked across the hall and had come across the rain guardian of the Vongola. He brutally pushed the other away and scowled at him. "Move, you piece of worthless trash."
Yamamoto, after being pushed into the wall, recovered from the physical contact. He strode to Gokudera's open apartment dorm as he invited himself inside seeing as the door was already open.
"Gokudera—Tsuna has another mission--"
"Shut the fuck up, Yamamoto Takeshi."
Yamamoto looked on to the mess Gokudera had become and shook him with his hand. "Gokudera--"
SLAP.
Yamamoto's hand was slapped away from Gokudera, by Gokudera as he was faced with the most vicious glare he had seen ever since Tsuna's glare was directed towards him.
"This is all your fault."
"How is it my fault?"
"If only you had not burst in on me--"
Now it was Yamamoto's turn to glare at the man. "You were with Xanxus, Gokudera, Xanxus. Of all people, why Xanxus?!!"
"I don't care!!"
Said person screamed as he ran out of the building with tears spilled down his cheeks, his heart squeezed painfully, agony filled his heart. The sour feeling that would not heal no matter how good the remedy was.
There was only one remedy for his pained heart.
And that was Xanxus.
~*~*~*~
"Perhaps it would have been better if this was done instead of the other."
Gokudera nodded at the decision his boss made and briefly smiled at him. "Perhaps, Tenth. But I still think it's reversible."
Sawada Tsunayoshi nodded as he levelled his gaze at the other. "Perhaps."
"I'll get working on it as soon as possible."
Tsuna nodded, but his gaze turned serious as he spoke. "Gokudera-kun."
"Yes, Tenth?"
Tsuna smiled again, his bright smile—the one that would always brighten up anyone's day. "Why…do you act as though you've lost something?"
Gokudera's gaze cast down as he tried to think up an excuse for Tsuna. "I-I've been trying to figure out something, but I couldn't, so I'm a bit frustrated."
Tsuna nodded as he sighed. "Then I am relieved." His smile was plastered on his face, once again. But he is still lying to me.
Gokudera sighed as he left the office, his heart thumping speedily. Good thing tenth bought my excuse…
He pulled out a piece of paper from his pocket as soon as he was back into his workspace and slumped down against the door.
The one thing that was kept from Tsuna. The only thing that was kept from everyone. The only pain that was kept from leaking.
The only thing that would hurt him like this.
Xanxus…had gone missing—in action.
It was presumed that he was dead.
No.
Xanxus would not die like this. He was sure the Xanxus was alive somewhere. It was sure of it. He scrunched up the letter as he pushed it into the depth of his pocket again.
I wish…if only I wish…
These endless hopes and prayers that I held for you—I want you…to love me.
The endless pain that had been brought upon me.
The endless feeling that would always reach my heart.
The endless torture that I will face.
They're all…endlessly…drifting away.
Everything—is getting further and further.
Endlessly, I am falling into the pits of depression. The raw, sour feeling I am getting.
It's eating me slowly and slowly.
The pain…was endless.
Endlessly drowning…
I...I have an ear ache that has something to do with my sore throat. It's very painfulll. Anyway, have a nice day, everyone.