Author - lady_sapphire (at the Jedi Council forums)
.?usr=1163508

Anakin,

Well, first off, I think I should apologize for calling you Ani. I didn't even think that you wouldn't want that...I was just so used to calling you Ani, I didn't think twice about it. And you're right, you're not a little boy anymore. I'll start calling you Anakin.

And you should know, Anakin, that if you weren't able to forget me, I certainly couldn't forget about you either. How could I? You saved Naboo all those years ago and you're still remembered as a hero on my planet. Your bravery, especially at such a young age, couldn't be forgotten. But even if you hadn't done that, I could never forget the little boy who was so sweet, so welcoming, so helpful. You've never been far from my thoughts and although it seems like it's hard for you to believe, I was worried about you. It wasn't so much about your safety, I knew you would be safe at the Temple, it was more about you being taken away from your mother, being taken away from everything you knew, and suddenly being surrounded by strangers on a strange planet (let's be honest, Coruscant is a strange place). I was worried you and Obi-Wan wouldn't get along, that you would be lonely, hoping that you would make good friends, especially if I couldn't be there. I promised your mother the last time I spoke with her that I would look after you and as it turned out, it wasn't very easy for me to do that.

It sounds like you and Obi-Wan have your differences. I don't know him very well...it has been ten years since I've seen him as well and even before then, I didn't have much interaction with him. But from what I can tell based off of what you've told me, it seems like your issue is communication above anything else. Maybe if you sat down with him and told him everything you're feeling about the way you're training is going, how he makes you feel sometimes, your concerns for your mother, and were completely honest, you two might be able to find some common ground. I know that's just the diplomat in me speaking, but I've always found that talking things through is usually the best way to solve problems. I'm sure if you just talk to him, Anakin...he might not even realize he makes you feel that way.

About your training, I know you feel you're ready to move forward, but sometimes it's best to listen to those with more experience than you. After the Naboo Invasion, I was ready to leave and become a Senator as soon as my first term as Queen as over. But in speaking with Bail Organa, the Senator from Alderaan, he advised me to wait especially since Senators have to be certain age anyways. He advised me to try for another term as Queen and to get as much experience as I could before I became a Senator. At the time, I was upset and disappointed because I believed I could do more for the galaxy and my planet in the Senate. Instead, I worked with Bail to form a committee, which is now the Loyalist Committee and became the official head of it after Bail had to step down because of the attacks against his life. But now, in hindsight, I think that was really the best way because I was able to get more experience in politics and in dealing with politicians and I think I'm a better Senator now because of it. Sometimes, Anakin, you just have to be patient and listen to those who give you advice. I know it's hard and I know you think you're ready, but you might not be. And even if you are, you still need to respect those in a higher position than you and those who are more experienced than you. I'm sure Obi-Wan means well and when he thinks you're ready, he'll tell you.

I'm glad you were able to help your mother, even if it was difficult for you to see your father. I had no idea he was the one who sold you and your mother into slavery. I can't imagine...at least you were able to free her and at least your father did the right thing to make up the difference you couldn't pay. I had tried to free her after the Naboo Invasion was over but it didn't work. I'm so happy you were able to do what I couldn't.

Besides becoming a Senator, there's been another huge change in my life. Right after we last spoke ten years ago, I found out that I was adopted. As it turns out, I was actually born from true royalty. Both my birth parents contacted me and informed me that they had been King and Queen of Naboo but had been forced to send me and my birth sister (I have a sister!) away because of the political situation on Naboo at the time. Their lives were in danger and they didn't want anything to happen to my sister and I, so they gave us both away and went into hiding to protect themselves as well. What's even more unbelievable is that my birth father told me that the royal family was all born with something called the Royal Force. Before you get too excited, it's not the same as the Force you have. I still don't completely understand it but what I do understand is that it makes me more able to control my emotions even though I also feel my emotions much more strongly than a normal person. Once my father explained that, some things did manage to click into place. I had always felt different from the rest of my adopted family members, I just didn't know why. I suppose now I know why I was able to stay as calm as I was during the Invasion.

Both my birth parents, Ruwee and Jobal, have been very understanding. At first, I had no idea what to think or how to react. Then I couldn't believe my adopted parents had never told me I was adopted. I know they were just trying to protect me but it was very difficult to understand how they could keep something like that from me for so long. At it was also hard to accept my birth parents as my parents and let them into my life. They were both willing to take whatever I was willing to give them and it took me a while before I was able to really see them as my parents and not as the people who gave me away, even though I understood why they had to do it. All that aside, even in the beginning of all that, the one thing I never had trouble coming to terms with was having an older sister. Sola welcomed me with open arms and I can't tell you how amazing it is to have an older sister! I'd always wanted that...someone to talk to, ask advice, have fun with, just to have a sister in general has been fantastic.

On top of that, I'm also an aunt now! My two little nieces, Ryoo and Pooja are so much fun. At first, I wasn't sure how I would be with children since I'd never really interacted with babies before and surprisingly, it came pretty naturally. They're both so smart...you really have to be careful what you say around them because they don't miss anything! I can already tell that Ryoo might have a career in politics someday and she's already been asking me what I do in the Senate (I made sure not to tell her anything that would scare her) but now after everything that's happened, I might have to convince her otherwise.

And even though it was very difficult at first, I think I've finally come to terms with everything. I've even started calling my birth parents Mom and Dad, which I never thought I'd be able to do. Everyone lives on Naboo now and I've tried to visit with them as much as possible. A few years ago, when my life was first threatened, I went back to Naboo and lived with my parents there, which was nice for everyone. They really didn't want me to come back to Coruscant, even though I know they understand why I had to. I've also made sure not to tell them too many details about the attacks...I don't want to worry them anymore than necessary, especially since there's nothing they can really do to help me.

I'm sure you're probably wondering about my adopted family. They were very supportive and willing to answer any questions I had. But when I started to get closer to my birth parents, they started to keep their distance a little more and now I really don't hear from them too much. I still keep in regular contact with my adopted brother, Gwydion, and it's nice to talk to him, especially since we grew up together and no matter what, he's still my brother.

I know it's hard for you, Anakin, to accept your brothers as family but you might be missing out on something amazing if you don't let them in. I know as a Jedi it would be difficult for you to have regular contact with them but it wouldn't hurt you to reach out to them, especialy since things were left between you on such bad terms.

Those dreams you described about your mother seem very serious. It's awful...I can't imagine that and not knowing if she's alright. There has to be some way you can contact her to make sure she's alright. And even if you can't, I might be able to somehow, probably more easily than you could. Please let me know if I can help.

I wish I could be happy that you're able to confide in the Chancellor but I honestly can't. Maybe he's different outside of the Senate when politics aren't involved. I'm sorry...I just haven't been able to trust him after everything happened with the Trade Federation. Perhaps you just see a different side to him than I do on a regular basis. Either way, I would be careful around him if I were you...there's just something about him that doesn't feel right to me.

You still have those fish?? I can't believe they're still alive...you must have taken very good care of them if they're still alive.

Why would Obi-Wan not want us to be by ourselves? What does the attachment rule have anything to do with it? Is it because we were friends ten years ago? I can't understand why that would be a problem. There's nothing wrong with us being friends, especially since we're still friends, at least I hope we are.

I know you don't understand why I won't sleep in the same room as Captain Typho or Dorme but please don't fight me on this. Despite what you said before, I do understand how much danger I'm in. I really do. I should be dead right now and who knows what's going to happen the next time whoever's doing this tries to kill me. I'm not sure who could be behind this...to be completely honest, I've certainly made enough enemies in the Senate over the years that it could be any number of people.

It's just that...I'm not going to let this person control my life. I'm going to continue on with my life and my business as if nothing is wrong because if I don't, my attacker wins. I have to keep my life as normal as possible, even if it's just sleeping alone in my own room. I know it could be dangerous but as I said before, I won't let this person control my life.

If it makes you feel better, I'll make sure R2 is on alert.

I'm going to go to bed now but I just wanted to let you know...I'm really glad you're back in my life.

Padme