Winner at Losing Game – Rascal Flatts

Have you ever had to love someone
That just don't feel the same
Tryin' to make somebody care for you
The way I do
Is like tryin' to catch the rain
And if love is really forever
I'm a winner at a losin' game

"I don't want to go," Dean stated firmly as he sat on the couch, remote control in hand, preparing for a day of turkey tv dinners and bad Christmas shows.

"I heard you the first time, the second and the third," Castiel sighed as he grabbed the remote out of his best friend's hand. He prayed silently for patience with Dean who was acting like a kid who wanted to stay home and play with his toys instead of seeing relatives on holidays.

"I'll be bored," Dean replied sulkily.

Castiel moved around the Christmas tree pulling presents from under and stacking them on the couch.

"Get drunk," was the distracted response.

Dean scowled as he stared at the table full of pies he couldn't eat. Jo hurried in brushing her long blond hair in a hurry.

"I knew we'd be late," she said with a smirk taking in Dean's aggrieved face. "Why are you still sitting there? Let's go."

Dean folded his arms across his chest. "I'm not going."

Jo looked from Dean's face to Castiel who just rolled his eyes and continued moving presents.

"Come on, Dean," Jo continued brushing, a sight Dean had seen before, she was sure but it still seemed to fascinate him. "We promised Bela we'd be there. It's her first real family holiday in their new house."

"So what's that all about anyway?" Dean asked annoyed "They aren't even my family."

Jo slammed her brush down on the coffee table. "Of course Bela's your family. You've only known her your whole life. Hell you used to make out with her every Tuesday while you two were teenagers."

"My point exactly. It's awkward," Dean said satisfied that he had an out.

"You were a groomsmen for her husband in her wedding," Castiel reminded him. "That excuse won't fly."

Jo moved toward the foyer and picked up the keys to the Impala "I'm driving."

"Like hell you are!"

"Come on ,Dean! Get your ass in here…it's freaking cold outside!" Gabriel bellowed from the doorway.

"Shut up…if you would actually come out here and help me unload the car I would be able to get inside a little bit faster, dumbass!" Dean yelled back.

He slammed the trunk shut and added a few packages to the top of Jo's already teetering pile in her arms.

"Merry fucking Christmas…" he muttered under his breath as she slowly made her way up the Novak walkway.

"Oh don't be such a killjoy." Jo admonished him. "Carry some of these. Cas, you've got the pies?"

"Yes,

He took most of the presents from her hands with a scowl as he almost slipped. "Damn snow. Where the hell did that come from?"

Jo ignored him as she walked through the door. She frowned at Gabriel as he stood at the doorway with a large grin making no effort to help her with her packages. "Thanks for all the help, Gabriel."

"Hey, it's warm in here and it's cold out there. What did you expect? Anyways, it's Christmas, stop being such Grinch," he threw his hands in the air and looked at Dean as if he expected agreement from him.

But Dean was in no mood for Christmas cheer, especially since Christmas meant spending an entire evening with the disgustingly happy family that was the Novak's. He had been tense the entire drive over, clenching the steering wheel with a death grip, and had hardly said a word to Jo in the duration. She knew not to hold it against him because she knew it stung him to be reminded of their perfection and his familial desolation. She was just glad to have somewhere to spend a happy Christmas. So she decided to let Dean's moodiness slide for tonight

Diana Novak came out from around the corner of the kitchen with a happy smile on her face, her blue eyes as serene as her youngest son's. "Dean! Joanna! I'm glad you made it here in one piece…the weather is so awful…but at least we'll have a white Christmas, right?"

"Yeah…hopefully the snow doesn't get much worse." Jo responded good-naturedly.

"Then we won't have to stay the night."Dean added in darkly.

Diana's face immediately fell at his remark but she recovered nicely. "Well I'm going to check on the food. You two come on in and make yourselves at home."

At the mention of food, Dean mobilized quickly but Jo stopped him before he walked into the living room, lowering her voice as she spoke. "Dean, it's Christmas. Can you please try tonight…for me to be nice and behave yourself? I know you don't want to be here but please..for me."

He exhaled loudly and ran a hand through his hair, casting a weary glance toward her before nodding slowly.

"Thank you." She whispered softly as they walked into the living room.

"It's so good to see you, Joanna. Here, let me help you with all those presents!" Michael Novak Sr. laughed as he made his way to help her with her present pile.

"Oh…thanks…especially since someone did not to come out and help us." Jo responded with slight irritation directed at Gabriel.

Gabriel laughed as Sam walked in and moved to give Jo a kiss on the cheek and Dean a solid handshake. "Hey Jo,Dean, What took so long?"

"Sam ! Merry Christmas! Where is Ruby?" Jo asked.

"Oh she took off with Bela…something about a last minute present she forgot to get," he told her.

"That doesn't sound like Bela. She never forgets a present." Jo said walking toward Sam for a hug. "Hey I thought I heard you. Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas," Sam said returning her hug.

"Ohhh I am so glad everyone is here already." Bela said breezing in doorway "You would not believe how crowded the mall is. I'm so glad that I do my shopping before hand."

"Thanks for coming out with me."Ruby smiled appreciatively.

"Hey Dean,"Ruby said giving him a brief hug before he could object and turning to Jo to give her a hug. "Glad you're here."

"Thanks."Dean muttered without moving into the living room.

Bela smiled and then turned her attention to Jo and Dean. "What's wrong with you?" she asked him.

"Oh you know..happy family scenes make me nauseous." He blurted.

"Leave it to you to kill the Christmas spirit." She retorted and everyone chuckled.

Jo frowned and punched him in the shoulder.

"Oh Joanna," Ruby said in a sing song voice.

"What?"Jo asked annoyed.

"Look up!" Ruby cried as she pointed up at something above Jo and Dean's head.

Jo looked up to see what she was pointing to and grimaced to see that she and Dean were standing directly below the mistletoe. In the hustle and bustle of everyone arriving at the same time, and her concern over Dean's tension about feeling trapped in a Norman Rockwell painting, she had completely missed that Diana had put mistletoe in the very corner in which she now stood.

"Well, well Dean and Joanna…" Gabriel clapped his hands together. "It's Christmas and I do believe you both are standing beneath the mistletoe so…"

Jo closed her eyes briefly and cast a weary glance towards Dean, who looked all of a sudden like he wanted to vomit which stung her a bit.

"Oh come on, Jo, it is Christmas." Gabriel called to her jokingly and Jo immediately felt the weighted stares of all their friends who surrounded them.

She turned to Dean who still looked green and she started to say "We don't have to do.." She was suddenly cut off by the feel of his lips on hers. Before she could even register what was going on, he had already pulled away while a chorus of "Aww's" filled the room.

"Why did you do that?" she said angrily.

"I just figured it was best to get it over with." He said shrugging his shoulders.

"I hate you." She said walking out of the living room.

"Great, now you've pissed her off." Sam said exasperated.

"She's always pissed off at me." Dean retorted.

"Yeah but it's Christmas. You totally ruined the mood." Sam continued.

It was Bela who placed a soft hand on Dean's arm and encouraged "Go after her."

Dean was mesmerized by the softness in her voice and merely nodded.

He found Jo in the bedroom where she had placed her coat on the bed.

"Dean, leave me alone. I'm so not in the mood to deal with you." She told him.

"Deal with me? Or deal with.." he began.

"Deal with anything. I just want to get through this evening without l drama. Ok?" she said.

And then he kissed her..again…At first it was awkward, almost as if he was scared as he tentatively reached to cup her face with his hands.

He felt her tense slightly, neither participating nor pulling away. And he couldn't decide what he should do next, should he pull away building back up that stonewall of his. Or should he linger a bit longer to feel her soft warm lips, like he'd been dying to for weeks now.

Before she could really react, he made the choice to pull her closer to him, and she suddenly felt lost in the whirlwind of memory. It's almost exactly the same as the first time. Before she could stop herself, she pulled him closer deepening the kiss. For that one moment, everything was perfect. Neither was ever really sure who pulled away first, maybe at the same moment because they needed to catch their breath.

And when it was over, Jo was confused as to what it all meant. Her thoughts ran wild speculating. Are we friends? Maybe something else. We never really make good friends. We never seemed to pull that off, always trying to deny our true feelings. Wait. NO! I don't want this. He's a mess.

"Jo, I.." he began.

"No." she blurted loudly "I'm sorry. We shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry."

Before he could stop her, she ran out of the room.

For the rest of the evening, Jo refused to make a further scene by discussing the situation with everyone who were obviously curious about what was happening. She took great pains to put on a happy face and try to get through dinner and the present exchange.

Dean, she noticed, went back to his same old expression taking a place between Castiel and Sam, laughing and joking as he drank more beer than he probably should have.

Over and over, her mind played back the scene of the kiss. She felt her gaze being pulled over and over to Dean's face. No, Jo. You don't want him. Look at him. He's totally wrong for every woman on the planet.

Is that why you can't stop staring at him? She thought.

I can't stop staring because he's a train wreck..it's a mess but you still have to look, she reasoned with herself. Everything about him was wrong for her. He was a notorious womanizer…God only knows what she could catch from him…And he drove her crazy…got under her skin…he made her want to commit murder..but sometimes, when he genuinely smiled, she felt warm inside..and when he touched her, he made everything better….

And that was the beginning of the realization that she did want him after all.