The Day Before You
The Day Before You
Written by: Ms. Maggs / Edited by: KJT
Chapter 35: Yo Ho, Yo Ho…
When The Mickey Mouse Club song blared in his ear, Nick reflexively reached for the alarm clock on his nightstand. "Mmm," he groaned, his eyes still clamped shut. "That's you singin', isn't it, G?" He opened his right eye to confirm his suspicions.
"Rise and shine, Cletus!" Proudly sporting a shiny new pair of Minnie Mouse ears, Greg straddled his groggy spouse's hips. "The California Adventure Park rope drop is at 10 a.m., that's one hour from now." They had planned on touring that park all day Saturday, The Magic Kingdom all day Sunday, and then they would do their favorite things one more time on Monday.
"Are those Minnie Mouse ears on your head?" Nick asked before yawning a third time.
"Yeah, I bought them last night when I paid for the girls' chipmunks. And I bought these for you." The goofball produced a pair of Mickey ears. "Up for a little mouseplay?" He wiggled his eyebrows.
"Now I know why you got me up an hour before rope drop instead of lettin' me sleep an extra 30 minutes." Nick shook his head. "I'm not wearin' ears and did you forget that we said no foolin' around when we're responsible for the girls?"
"I decided that decision was unrealistic and unnecessary, because parents don't stop fooling around when they have kids and we need to practice sneaking action without our kids knowing."
"You woke up with wood, huh?"
"Yeah." Laughing, Greg crashed onto the covers next to his partner. "I had another naughty Disney dream. This time we were on The Pirates of the Caribbean ride. You were dressed as Jack Sparrow and plundering my booty while you drank grog and sang 'Yo Ho, Yo Ho A Pirate's Life for Me'."
Cracking the first of what he knew would be many smiles that day, Nick said, "I like that a whole lot better than the creepy Small World dolls watchin' us get it on."
"I figured you would." Greg snickered, "I said wood."
Gliding his hand over the tented front of his partner's blue plaid pajama bottoms, Nick playfully remarked, "Who knew Minnie Mouse was a trannie?"
"There are many secrets in the wonderful world of Disney."
"Are you guys awake?!" Jenni's voice boomed through the bedroom door.
Nick bolted up in bed. "Just woke up!"
"Rope drop in one hour!" Cassie yelled. "So finish fooling around and hit the shower!" She laughed, "Jan called and told us to bang on the door and say that."
"Of course she did," Nick grumbled. "We'll be out in thirty minutes, girls! Call room service and order two Denver omelet platters and you can have anything you want, and I do mean anything!" Turning to his partner, he mumbled, "It's fun spending your meddling mommy's money."
"I've always thought so." Tossing his pajama bottoms, Greg said, "So I can have anything I want, huh?"
"I was talkin' to the girls when I said that." Nick followed his perpetually randy spouse into the shower. "But lucky for you, I'm in a generous mood."
"I can't believe you made this huge breakfast for me." Standing in the kitchen doorway, Bobby surveyed the table. "Eggs, potatoes, sausage and biscuits…wow. So this is why you wanted to know exactly when I'd be home from shift?"
"Yeah," the proud boyfriend replied with a wink. "I wanted to do somethin' special to say thanks for the key and the invitation. I decided to take you up on the offer, so I put my stuff in the bedroom while you were at work."
The slice of sorely missed domesticity had been enough of a treat, but to hear his boyfriend say he moved in made his heart soar. "Really?" It was too good to believe without confirmation.
"Really."
"Does this mean…"
"Let me put it this way, Stokes men make cheddar omelets for lovers the morning after, but we only make grandma's special biscuits for significant others." Grinning, the younger man added, "It means I'm all yours, every piece of me…only yours."
Finding himself speechless, Bobby replied with a glorious kiss that screamed 'thank you for making my dreams come true'.
"I was skeptical when they said it was the year of a million dreams here at Disneyland." Turning off the shower, Greg snickered, "But I'm a believer now."
Still feeling dirty in spite of showering, Nick covered his face. "I can't believe I just did that with the girls in the next room. Honestly, I can't believe I did that period."
"You seemed really into it."
"I was at the time, but not now that I'm remembering the girls are in the next room and I'm gonna have to go out there and eat breakfast with 'em." Leaning against the wet tile, he sheepishly confessed, "It's stupid, but I feel weird about it."
"Because you grew up believing your parents only had quiet sex seven times."
"Until puberty I believed the stork dropped me off, and after that I figured they only did it when they went away for the weekend twice a year."
"After meeting your folks, you may be right." Greg laughed, "But rest assured, plenty of parents frolic in the shower when their kids are home and then eat breakfast with them thirty minutes later. My friend Becca once told me that life gets really busy once you have kids, so lovin' on the fly becomes a survival tactic." After throwing a towel at his spouse, Greg wrapped one around his waist and walked over to the sink to shave. "As long as we don't get loud like my parents, we're fine. It's listening to the parental freak show that traumatizes kids for life."
"Maybe that explains why you come up with these freaky requests."
"Oh come on, it wasn't that freaky."
"Not by Vegas standards, but we're in Disneyland."
Greg rolled his eyes. "Shake it off, cowboy. You're not going to burn in hell for…"
"Don't say it." Nick laughed at himself. "Don't." Changing the subject, he asked, "Why are you shavin'? We're on vacation. Who shaves on vacation?"
Staring at his partner, the shocked compulsive-shaver said, "We're not camping in the backwoods or partying at the Red Neck Yacht Club, Cletus, we're at Disneyland."
"Oh now you have Disney standards."
"You shaved when we vacationed on the Freyja."
"Only 'cause I was tryin' to get in your pants," Nick chuckled while reluctantly retrieving his electric razor from his duffle bag. "This is what I get for marryin' a city boy."
"I'm married to a work-a-holic." Sara tossed the cordless phone and checked her watch. "He's already been at the lab fourteen hours, Bruno." Knowing her husband's team had been down one CSI since she left, Sara told the dog, "If Ecklie would have let him fill my position instead of giving Days an extra person, this wouldn't be happening."
Determining that his owner wasn't talking about a treat or a walk, the boxer dropped his head onto a couch pillow and shut his eyes.
"You're tuning me out," she remarked, quite miffed. "Are you blaming me for him not being here?" Realizing she had not only become accustomed to conversing out loud with an animal, but arguing with one, Sara knew it was time to leave the house. "I'm going to the lab." She rose to her feet. "I'm going to tell Ecklie exactly what I think about his little plan to overwork my husband by not approving any new hires for nightshift. As an extra perk, he's probably hoping it ruins our marriage." She hurried to the bedroom to change her clothes. "If he thought I was a bitch before, just wait until he deals with me pregnant and hormonal."
"Do you think losing the baby made Mandy turn lesbian?" Sitting on the couch surrounded by empty mini liquor bottles and room service dishes, Henry slurred to his co-worker, "Have you ever heard of that happening?"
With one eye on his laptop and the other on an 'I Love Lucy' rerun, the sober scientist quipped, "Yes, there was just a huge article about it in last month's New England Journal of Medicine." But when he heard Henry cry, the usually cold-hearted man turned his full attention to his friend. "Sorry, I shouldn't have joked about that."
Bringing a tiny Cuervo bottle to his mouth, Henry lamented, "I've lost the love of my life to lesbians."
"Maybe it's just a curiosity thing," Hodges countered, trying to be a good friend. "Maybe losing the baby threw her into some kind of life crisis and she realized she didn't get to have a gay fling in college like everyone else, so she came here to do a little exploring and check something off her 'To Do Before I Die' list."
"I didn't have a gay fling in college, and it's not on my list."
"Duh." Hodges rolled his eyes. "You're a straight guy, like me, so your default taboo fantasy is to be with two women."
"Have you been with two women?" Henry asked, because he was too drunk to realize the absurdity of the question.
"Yeah, I crossed that one off in 1999."
Having a slightly lucid moment, the analytical Toxicologist probed, "Were the two women made of plastic and filled with air?"
"Do you know you have ketchup on your white shirt?" Hodges redirected, preying on the fastidious man's compulsion with clean apparel.
"My mother bought me this shirt." Henry shook his head at the unsightly stain. "Bummer. I love this shirt…and my mom…she's the only woman who hasn't hurt me."
"Give me the shirt, Oedipus." Hodges held out his hand. "I'll bring it to the front desk for emergency dry cleaning."
"It's 9:45 in the morning." Henry struggled to stand and remove his shirt. "What if someone sees you walking around the resort and thinks you're gay?"
"When a guy is as confident with his sexuality as I am, you don't care if other people think you're gay." Hodges puffed out his chest. "Besides, my gaydar factor is zero. I ooze 'I love boobs'. Everyone knows it's guys like you, who are always worried about being around gay men and being perceived as queer, that are masking latent homosexual urges and would fall into bed with a man if they ever got plastered enough to overcome their deep seeded inhibitions." With the shirt in hand, he strolled for the door. "After I drop off your shirt, I'm going to drive to McDonald's for some Egg McMuffins. This place is way too expensive for my taste."
"I can't believe that breakfast cost a hundred bucks." Stepping out of the elevator with Greg and the girls, Nick said, "When I was a kid, that was probably our family's daily food allowance on vacation and there were nine of us."
"Jan and Dave had more of a 'sky's the limit' vacation policy."
Cassie smiled at her hero. "Don't worry, my family was like yours, we went camping, cooked our own food, and my dad never shaved when we went on vacation."
Terrified that the child had heard everything that went on in the bathroom, Nick warily asked, "Did you hear Greg and me talkin' about shavin', honey?"
"No, you told me about your family vacations when we were at the lake, remember? You said your dad never shaved on vacation, because he always had to look perfect and wear stuffy suits while on the job."
"Yeah, yeah." Nick's smile returned. "I remember now." When he saw his spouse silently mocking him for being paranoid, he gave him a playful shove.
"Greg Sanders!" Margaret Jorgensen rushed across the lobby to warmly greet her daughter's ex-fiancé. "Lacey told us you were here."
"Hey! It's great to see you again," Greg enthusiastically replied, happy to see the woman who had treated him like the son she never had. "How are you?" He hugged her tight.
She replied in Norwegian for old time's sake, and reminded the boy that she had always loved his visits, because she could speak in her native-tongue.
As her brother and the lady conversed in the foreign language, Jenni whispered to Nick and Cassie, "Jan curses in Norwegian, I can tell by the way she says the words, but I don't know the translations. But at least I can tell you if this woman starts cursing at Greg like the last one did."
"I don't think she's gonna." Nick's confidence came from hearing Lacey say how her parents thought she was an idiot for dumping Greg. Then again, she could flip out upon hearing he was gay.
"My woman is a lesbian and I might be gay!" Henry drunkenly announced to the handful of men worshipping the sun at the resort's main pool. Shirtless and staggering, he asked, "Which one of you guys wants to help me find out if I'm gay?!
One glance at the pale, sunken-chested dork resulted in a chorus of 'no thanks' from the twenty-something bronzed gods.
Faced with rejection yet again, Henry clutched his head and dropped onto an empty lounge chair. "I'm not girl-worthy or gay-worthy. My mother was right, no one will ever love me like she does."
"I don't think you're gay," Matt Hawkins told the obviously drunk and depressed guy. "Do you think he's gay?" he asked his boyfriend, trying not to laugh.
"Definitely not," Dante replied after lowering his sunglasses to take a good look. "And I'd know, because I was a repressed gay in Utah for most of my life. I've only been out since 2005, so I'd be able to tell. So would my friend, here." He pointed to the guy next to him. "He was my mission buddy and even more repressed than me. What do you think, Ellis?"
Feeling bad for the poor sap, Dan Ellis stifled his laughter and said, "I'd guess effeminate Mama's Boy, not gay."
"I had convinced myself you were just a Mama's Boy, Greg," Gary Jorgensen told his daughter's ex-fiancé as they walked to the California Adventure park entrance. Lacey had caught him up to speed when they were sitting in the ER the previous night. "But I always had my suspicions that you could swing both ways." His silver hair flapping in the June breeze, he shook his head. "I certainly don't blame you for permanently switching teams after what my daughter did to you."
"How did Lacey cut herself?" Greg anxiously queried while watching his ex-fiancée's kids skipping to the front gate with his sisters and Nick.
"Being reckless as usual," the perpetually disappointed father huffed. Because of his daughter's stupidity, he had to take the grandkids to the park alone while Lacey slept and his wife fretted about her. "She dropped a glass and was distracted by the TV when she bent down to pick up the broken pieces. She's lucky I came out to get a water bottle from the fridge, because she passed out from the sight of her own blood. She ever do that around you?"
"Yeah," Greg answered, recalling the moment. "It's what brought us together. She cut herself in Chem Lab and I caught her as she fainted."
"You were always there for her, son." The troubled father sighed, "Unlike that bastard Ruggiero, you would have made an excellent husband and father."
"You really think so?"
"Absolutely, Margaret too, that poor woman cried every day for a year when Lacey broke off the engagement. She had already named her Norwegian grandchildren."
"Sir," Nick waved to get Mr. Jorgensen's attention. "Your little one here says she's tired of walking, I could put her on my shoulders until you get to the stroller rental if you'd like."
"Yes, please. My knees and back thank you!" The 66 year old arthritis sufferer smiled at the polite Texan.
"Up you go, Chelsea." Nick perched the petite five year old on his shoulders. "Better?"
Happy to have a view, the brunette pixie nodded. "I can see everything!"
"That's a very gentlemanly cowboy you got there, Greg, and better looking than either of those Brokeback Mountain boys."
Greg laughed, "Mrs. J still drags you to the movies, huh?"
"I bawled my eyes out at The Notebook, what about you?" The senior citizen joked, "Of course you did, you're gay."
"I can't handle the crying," Matt told Dante. "That guy's a hot mess. He's like prime to jump off a cliff or drown himself in a pool."
"Of his own tears," Todd Stanton, the ringleader of the group of Vegas boys at play for the weekend, burst out laughing. "I say we deliver him to Doug's door with a sign taped to his pasty chest that says 'Kiss me, I'm sexually confused'. Doug never refuses a stray. He'll set him straight by giving him a biiiig helping of gay."
"Guys, we can't be that cruel," said Dan, the voice of reason and maturity for the group. "That geek doesn't need a walk on the wild side, he needs a makeover and a spray tan."
"Who needs sunscreen?" Greg asked waving the can of Coppertone Sport he had purchased after Mr. Jorgensen said he forgot to have his wife coat the girls. "Anyone with Scandinavian DNA, that's who." He pointed at Chelsea. "That means you, Tinkerbell."
"That's not what my mommy uses." The girl shook her head. "No way. I want the pink tube."
"Are you sure? Because this stuff is great, I use it all the time when I'm outside working." Kneeling down, he sprayed his forearm. "See it's fun, just like spray paint. You try it."
Watching the paternal moment made Nick's biological clock thump. "Chelsea, honey, you should," Greg's scream interrupted his sentence, "lower the can or you'll squirt him in the eyes."
"Tinkerbell maced my left eyeball!" Greg frantically waved his outstretched hand. "Water bottle, stat!"
"Here!" Jenni handed over hers. "Good emergency eye wash technique," she joked while watching her brother rinse, "but I'd expect nothing less from a fellow science geek."
Nick offered his spouse a parenting tip, "Never give a munchkin a spray can of anything. It never turns out well, especially if it's a can of Cheez-Whiz." He shivered at the memory. "I was babysittin' Roy when he was five and he used it to wash his dog and then he let the mutt run through the entire house."
The story not adding up to logical Jenni, she asked, "How did he do all that if you were babysitting him properly?"
"Oh, um…" Since he couldn't give the real answer, 'I was in bathroom getting it on with Claire Winslow', Nick announced, "The park is open", hoping to divert attention.
"I wanna go to Bug Land!" Chelsea shouted, jumping up and down. "Mommy said that was first!"
"Uh…" Knowing his spouse's hatred of creepy crawlies, Greg said to Mr. Jorgensen, "If you're okay now that you have the stroller, we're gonna take Jenni and Cassie to Soarin' Over California."
"Yes, yes, we'll be fine now." Gary smiled at the man he wished was his son-in-law. "It was nice seeing you again and meeting your family. Go have fun."
"Where are we going?" Henry asked the gay stranger as they approached the resort's salon and spa.
"Ever watch Queer Eye?" Dante asked the jittery nerd.
"Um," Henry gulped, "no. I rarely watch porn actually. Okay never."
"It's a makeover show, Hank."
"It's Henry."
"Not anymore. Hank is your new Ladies Man name." Dante opened the salon door. "Anyone up for a style challenge?!"
"I love what you've done with the place," Sara commented from her husband's office door. There had to be twice as many files and piles of paper as the day she left the lab.
"Sara?" Gil lowered his glasses to make sure. "What are you doing here?"
"I came to bitch at Ecklie for not letting you fill my spot."
"Oh." He gulped, knowing he was toast. "This is about your resignation paperwork…"
"Yeah, about that." She shut the door and walked to the guest chairs shaking her head. "Care to tell me how my resignation paperwork morphed into Leave of Absence paperwork, Sherlock?"
"I bet Nick did it." Gil feigned innocence. "Or Greg. Maybe Catherine."
"Catherine?"
"I should have stopped at Greg."
"You should have turned in my resignation paperwork."
"I…I um…" He nervously ran his hand over his mouth, "I guess I was hoping…"
"Hoping what, Gilbert? That I'd walk in here and do this?" With her eyes honed on her husband, Sara reached into her pocket for her ID badge and clipped it on her pants pocket.
"Yes, that's exactly what I've been dreaming about since the day you left." Rising to his feet, the ecstatic husband and supervisor extended his hand. "Welcome back, CSI Sidle. The lab has missed you."
"The lab missed me?"
"Yes, very much." With a boyish grin, he allowed himself to have a personal moment on the job. "I've missed you too." Watching her grab a stack of files, his heart soared.
"You were right, Greg! Soarin' was awesome!" Cassie darted towards the exit. "Can we do it again?"
"The line will be a lot longer now."
"Not now, I want to get fastpasses for later."
"Congratulations!" a perky Disney employee called out to the exiting riders. "You're all about to receive Year of a Million Dreams Fastpasses, which will allow you one Fastpass entry for every Fastpass ride in both parks!"
When a big blue plastic pass was slapped in his hand, Greg said, "Cassie, next time wish out loud for a million bucks and see if you get that one granted."
"Why would I need a million dollars now that your parents adopted me? They give me anything I need."
"And that answer is one of many reasons why I love this kid." Nick tossed his arm around her shoulders as they walked.
The comment making her morning, Cassie said, "Thanks, Daddy-O," and took his hand.
Hearing the term of endearment tugged at Nick's heartstrings and in that moment he knew vacationing with Cassie was going to make him feel closer to her than ever. It had been difficult to spend an afternoon with her and then hand her back to Jan and Dave, so how hard would it be to walk away after four days together? And if it was that difficult with Cassie, how hard would it be to say goodbye to his biological child and return home empty handed?
"Are you going to answer?" Cassie tugged on her hero's arm. "Your cell phone is ringing."
Lost in thought, Nick stared blankly at the girl. "Huh?"
"Your cell phone's ringing."
"Oh." Still in a funk, he mindlessly answered, "Stokes."
"Nicky, honey, we have to talk." Nancy Stokes took a seat at her mahogany desk and commenced her opening argument with a prediction, "After readin' through everything you sent I believe if you go through with this baby sharing arrangement you'll regret it for the rest of your life and the suffering you'll endure while apart from your child will make your time in that coffin seem like a relaxing vacation. Everything about you screams 'hands-on daddy' not 'part-time father'. Think how bad you felt never gettin' to spend time with your own Daddy. That's what your child's gonna feel. Do you want your child to grow up thinkin' his or her daddy is too busy to be there all the time? I don't think so. If you ignore my opinion and choose to go through with this insanity, you'll have to find yourself another attorney, because it will be impossible for me to sit back and watch you ruin your life. I love ya too much, Nicky."
"I love you too, sis." Sitting on a bench watching Disneyland patrons hustle by on the way to their next ride, Nick said, "It's weird, I was kinda thinkin' the same thing when you called."
"That's music to my ears."
Smiling at Cassie, who was waiting in line for a churro, Nick said, "Bein' on vacation with Cass is remindin' me how hard it is to only see someone you love when their legal guardian agrees."
"Exactly. Imagine how it would feel to call up those women and hear 'sorry, today's not a good day for a visit, the baby is sick'. Wouldn't you want to be there makin' sure your sick baby was gettin' TLC and the right medicines?"
Sinking lower on the bench, he shook his head. "I never even thought of that scenario."
"That's why you have sisters, honey. I've been lookin' out for you since the day you were born and I don't plan on stoppin'."
"Stop! Please!" Tears streaming down his face, Henry pleaded with Helga, the burly waxer from hell, "I've had enough. I want to pay and go."
"I've only done the left side," she informed him in a thick German accent, "who leaves with half a crack and sac wax?"
"Me." Feeling completely sober, the wimpy Toxicologist slid off the spa table and gingerly trotted to the locker room.
"How was it?!" Dante excitedly asked his makeover client. "Great huh? You know what they say - once you wax, you can never go back."
"Yeah." Henry was positive he was never going back for more torture. "Well thanks for your help. Bye."
"You're only wearing a towel."
"Right." His left sac throbbing, Henry glanced around for his clothes. "Where are my…"
"We tossed them. Todd should be back with your new outfit any minute."
"You threw away the shirt my mother bought me?"
"About that…" Dante dropped a hand on the peewee's shoulder. "No one needs a mom to dress them when there are available queers."
"Greg do you like this t-shirt better or the red one?" Jenni held up the blue to get her big brother's opinion.
"Definitely the blue, it compliments your eyes." So Nick could have some privacy talking to his sister, Greg suggested the girls check out some of the shops. "Don't let me forget that I have to buy a coonskin cap in Frontierland when we get there."
"Are you going to be Davy Crockett for Halloween?" Jenni laughed as she walked toward the back of the shop. "I can't picture it!"
"Me either." Greg continued flipping through a rack of t-shirts, looking for something he'd actually wear. "My friend Sara wants the cap for unspecified sentimental reasons."
"Psst." Cassie tugged on her brother's sleeve. "Look, it's Mr. Jorgensen and his granddaughters out there on a bench."
Glancing up he saw a panting and frazzled man. "Whoa, he looks wiped and it's been less than an hour since they got here."
"We should help them again."
The idea of hanging out with his ex-fiancée's children, especially the one conceived during the big cheat, didn't have much appeal. "Honestly, it's really uncomfortable for me considering the circumstances, so I'd rather not." Since they had told the girls the dramatic story, he knew she'd understand his point of view.
Staring at the spoiled brat before her, Cassie said, "You know what's really uncomfortable, Greg? Waking up one day and finding out you don't have a daddy anymore. You're lucky you don't know what that's like, but I do, and so does that five year old girl. Look at her crying and ask yourself – what would Nick do?"
Before he could get over the verbal reality slap, Greg saw his partner rushing into the gift shop.
"Hey, G!" Nick pointed over his shoulder. "Mr. Jorgensen is out there lookin' wiped and little Chelsea is bawlin' her eyes out. I know it's a little awkward, but I think we should help 'em, don't you?"
"Yeah." Greg smiled at his precocious adopted sister. "I was just thinking the same thing."
"Nicky wasn't thinkin' it through," Nancy informed Gwen as they slid into a corner booth at The Squash Blossom café. "Twelve hours daddying Cassie at Disneyland was makin' him have second thoughts. By the end of the trip he'll think he was as nuts as we think he is."
"So you don't think he'll do the baby share?" Gwen asked, before lifting the glass of ice water a bus boy had just placed in front of her.
"I think the odds are greater that he'd play in a field of ant hills."
"Here we are, Chelsea…Bug World." Surveying the area, Greg laughed, "My friend Grissom would love this place. He's really into bugs." While Mr. Jorgensen rested at the hotel and Maddie went on thrill rides with Nick and Cassie, he and Jenni had volunteered to take the five year old wherever she wanted to go. "Heimlich's Chew Train first, right?"
"Yep."
"That way." Jenni, the self-appointed map navigator, pointed straight ahead. "It's in the back of this section."
"Let's go!" Chelsea grabbed her grandpa's friend's hand and tugged.
"Slow down, Gidget." Greg reminded her, "My sister can't run, remember? Her legs are still a little weak from being hurt."
"How did you hurt your legs?" the little girl asked, forgetting if she had been told.
"In a car accident."
"We don't like to talk about it though." To change the subject, Greg lifted the child and placed her on his shoulders like Nick had earlier. "You like this better than the stroller?"
"Strollers are for babies, I'm not a baby, I'm five." She placed her sticky palm in front of the man's face and wiggled all her fingers. "Five! Grandpa bought me a butterfly bike for my birthday. It's pink and yellow."
"Cool."
Jenni enjoyed watching her brother struggle to balance the girl on his shoulders. "You ever do that before, Greg?"
"No, can't say that I have." And I never would have guessed that the first kid to ride on my shoulders would be my ex-fiancée's daughter! "Are you comfy, Chelsea?"
"Yep!" She giggled. "It's easy holding onto your ears, 'cause they stick out big."
How cute, she insults me just like her father used to.
"Look!" Jenni yelled. "It's Flik! He's posing for pictures. Do you want your picture with him, Chelsea?"
The girl's eyes lit. "Yeah!"
"Okay, down you go." Once his hands were free, Greg reached into his pocket for his Olympus Stylus camera. "You smile, I'll snap."
"We have to wait our turn though," Jenni cautioned the hyper girl. "Wow, you're bouncy like a Tigger, aren't you?"
"Yep! Look how high I can jump!"
When the girl landed squarely on a well-dressed grey-haired woman's sandaled foot, Greg rushed to apologize. "Sorry, I'm really sorry. I should have told her not to jump in line."
"It's okay," the 63 year old grandmother of five told the young father. "If a kid can't get excited at Disneyland, where can they get excited? Gosh, she's adorable; such a beautiful smile."
"It's her mother's smile," rolled off of Greg's tongue. I can't believe I just said that! "Chelsea, say you're sorry to the nice lady for stepping on her toes."
"Sorry."
The grandmother smiled at the child. "You're very lucky to have such a nice daddy."
Chelsea merrily told the stranger the truth as she had overheard it many times, "My daddy is a deadbeat asshole who won't buy me shoes, 'cause he spends all his money on his slutty girlfriend."
When the woman turned to stare at him, Greg blurted, "I'm not her daddy! My sister and I are just watching her for her grandpa, who is an old family friend. I only met loose lips an hour ago." Kneeling down, he looked Chelsea in the eyes. "Did your mommy tell you to say that about your daddy? Because you said a few reeeeally bad words."
Shrugging, the girl replied, "I guess my mommy doesn't know the words are bad, 'cause she always says them when she's yelling."
"What the hell happened to you?!" Hodges screamed when he saw his normally pale and conservatively clothed co-worker looking tan, gelled, and dressed like a pirate in a big white puffy shirt.
"I was abducted by a makeover team." Cupping his crotch, Henry ambled to the couch. "It was all a blur until the waxing started."
"Waxing? But you don't have any hair on your chest."
"Not my chest." He pointed to his throbbing left sac. "South of the border."
"Nooo." Hodges couldn't even bring himself to imagine it. "That hair is there for a reason," the scientist lectured, "friction. I'd invest in some diaper rash cream, Jack Sparrow."
"Okay, but right now I need an ice pack." Henry winced as he tried to move to a more comfortable position. "I think the spray tan stuff is irritating the waxed area."
Feeling terrible for leaving his depressed friend alone while stinking drunk, Hodges jumped into action. "There's a plastic liner inside our ice bucket, I'll fill that and tie it into an ice pack. If that doesn't work, we'll fill the tub with ice for you to cool off."
"It's hot here," Chelsea announced while waiting in the line for Heimlich's Chew Train.
"Yeah, it's even hotter in Las Vegas where I live," Greg shared. "It's probably a lot cooler in Minnesota where you live now, huh? Do you like living there?"
"Uh huh," the girl answered while rocking on the heels of her princess sneakers. "Maddie and I have a real bedroom, not just a couch in the living room, and mommy likes it 'cause the bugs don't eat my cereal and cookies."
"Why did bugs eat your cereal and cookies at your old house?" Jenni asked, wondering what she meant exactly.
"Duh! They ate my food 'cause they were hungry."
Slipping into CSI mode, Greg probed, "Were there a lot of bugs in your kitchen?"
Using her fingers as antennas, Chelsea replied, "Roaches. I liked to play with them, but Maddie was scared of 'em, so mommy would take off her shoe and splat them. Mommy said they didn't feel a thing, but I don't know, I think it would hurt lots to get splatted with a shoe. Do you think it would hurt to get splatted?"
I speak from personal experience when I say yes. "No, your mommy was right, they didn't feel a thing."
Jenni whispered in her brother's ear, "Do you think she's fascinated with bug stuff because she's been playing with bugs for a year?"
"I'm thinkin' so," Greg spoke under his breath, "how sad is that?"
"We should totally spoil her."
"The line's moving!" Chelsea shrieked, hoping it was finally their turn.
When he saw they would be getting on the ride, Greg lifted his camera. "You two go and I'll stay out here and take pictures." Watching grinning Chelsea rush for a seat, his own lips spread into a smile. "Aww." Waving, he yelled, "Smile for a picture, girls!" It was hard to believe that a kid that cute could have such an outrageous scumbag for a father. "Have fun!" It was such a nice change of pace taking pictures of the living. "I'll meet you at the exit!" He snapped photos on the way.
"First time here with your kids?"
When Greg turned around he saw an ancient man wearing a portable oxygen tank. "With my sister and my friend's daughter, yeah. I'm a newlywed, so I don't have any kids yet."
91 year old Larry Goldberg nodded at the young man. "From the looks of it, you have the right stuff."
Realizing he had looked like a competent dad to the stranger, Greg smiled back. "Thanks, we're thinking we'll try for kids in a year or so."
"They keep you young." With a shaky hand, the old man pointed. "Get ready to snap. They're comin' back."
"Thanks." When he saw the girls laughing like lifelong sisters, Greg warmed up to the little girl. "How was it?" he asked, meeting them at the gate.
"We heard him chewing!" Chelsea giggled, "And he burped louder than Grandpa!"
"It was really cute," Jenni added, thoroughly enjoying the big sister experience. "You could smell what he was eating too, like watermelon, and they have water tubes overhead, so you get dripped on."
"Ugh." When Hodges saw his bag of ice was ripped and leaking, he stopped to see if he could fix it.
"What are you doing here?!"
"Huh?" Glancing over his shoulder, he saw Wendy wearing a spa robe and a look of disbelief. "I'm not gay," he blurted, fearing she'd get turned off, "I'm here spying."
"Spying on whom?" she asked in a whisper while trying not to look conspicuous.
Hodges shook his head at the CSI wannabe. "You, Sherlock. I'm spying on you and your gal pals. It was all Henry's idea, because he couldn't stand to be apart from Mandykins for 48 hours. He snooped and found the name of the resort." Folding his arms across his chest, he shared, "The lesbian thing has very upset him." Cracking a grin, he continued, "I, on the other hand, am completely turned on by your bisexuality, so don't worry, it won't be an obstacle in our ever evolving relationship. I'll even cheer you on from the sidelines if you want me to." He pumped his fist. "Go Girls!" When he received a slap across the face as a reply, he recoiled in shock. "Was it something I said?"
"It was everything you said!" Wendy yelled in his face. "How dare you snoop and spy on me? How dare you call me a lesbian?" Remembering her locale, she shouted toward the busy pool area, "Not that there's anything wrong with being gay!" Turning, she huffed, "I'm out of here."
"Hey, Simms!" Hodges boldly called out, "If caring about you is a crime, I'm willing to take the rap!"
"Wait…did he just say he cared about me?" Wendy turned on her heels, but Hodges was nowhere to be seen. "Where did he go?"
"Ready to go to the swimming pool, kiddo?" Standing in the doorway of his hotel room, Greg smiled at Chelsea and then told Mrs. Jorgensen, "We just need to give Jenni a minute, she's still changing. There's some snacks on the table over there if you're hungry, Gidget."
"Snacks!"
While her granddaughter darted off, Mrs. Jorgensen graciously said, "I can't thank you enough for entertaining her today. You really saved the day."
"Honestly, I've been having a blast myself." After tearing through California Adventure for five hours, Greg didn't want the fun to end, so he had suggested taking Chelsea for a swim to burn off more of her seemingly boundless energy. "I met this like 90 year old man while I was waiting for the girls to ride Heimlich's Chew train. He told me that kids keep you young, which I can totally see, but what's really nice is," he paused to add a disclaimer, "forgive me if this sounds a little weird or morbid, but after spending 75 hours a week dealing with the dead, it feels great to run around with a kid who has a huge life force. I totally get why some cops can't wait to go home and play with their children after a tough shift."
"I'm havin' the best time, girls." Squeezing ketchup onto his burger, Nick asked, "What about you two?"
"This is the best day ever!" Maddie declared, eternally grateful for her new best friend Cassie and the man who had been nicer to her in one morning than her father had been to her in years. "Thank you for letting me come with you."
"Aww, you're welcome, honey." Nick winked at Cassie, "It's been great for us to have you along too, 'cause it's fun for Cass to pal around with a friend around her age rather than to just be with me."
"We're gonna email each other when we get home and stay friends forever." Maddie nudged her new buddy. "Right?"
"Yep." Cassie nodded as she chomped a French fry. "And if she's ever in Las Vegas, I told her she can come to my house to play and swim."
"I'm not going to swim," Jenni whispered to Greg as they placed their towels and belongings on lounge chairs. "Everyone will stare at my scars if I take off my yoga pants. I'm just going to read and watch you and Chelsea."
"Are you sure?" Greg gently pushed the issue. "You're not alone in the scar department when you're with me and once you're in the water no one will see your legs anyway."
"Maybe later." She took a seat on the lounge chair and asked, "Do you need help putting on your swimmies, Chelsea?" The little girl was struggling to get the second one on.
"Why do you need those?" the California boy, who had learned to swim when he was two, queried.
"I don't know how to swim without 'em."
Bending down in front of the flower bikini-clad girl, Greg explained, "Floaties just make it harder to learn how to swim the right way. How about we leave them here and I give you some swim lessons instead?"
"I don't wanna drown."
"He won't let you drown," Jenni assured the skeptic. "He helps people every day and he saved my life, remember?" She had told the girl a watered-down version of her accident story. "Trust him, you'll be fine, I promise."
"Okay," the five year old grumbled as she dropped her floaties. "But my mommy is gonna be really mad at you if I drown."
Tossing his t-shirt, Greg chuckled, "Believe me, I don't want your mommy yelling at me, so I'll be extra careful. I bet I can have you swimming in an hour."
"Hey, Greg, those girls at the pool bar are checking you out." Jenni laughed, "Little do they know."
"Where were all these girls when I was single?" Shaking his head, Greg kicked off his flip flops. "Okay, Gidget, let's hit the water. Do you know how to jump off the side into someone's arms?"
Chelsea stuffed her hands on her hips. "Nope."
"Do you know how to put your head underwater and blow bubbles?"
"Nope."
"What do you know how to do in the water?"
"I know how to stand on the third step and float with my floaties," she proudly shared. "I've never been off the stairs."
Jenni grinned behind her magazine. Good luck teaching her how to swim in an hour, Bro!
"We'll start with something real easy then." Greg hopped into the water and lifted his arms to pluck Chelsea from the deck. "A piggie back ride across the pool while you kick your feet."
When she heard choking noises, Jenni peered around her magazine. "Not so tight around his neck, sweetie! You're choking him."
"I'm holding tight 'cause I'm scared!"
"I think I have Elephantitis of the nuts," Henry frantically whispered as he tried to shake Hodges from slumber. "My left one is bright red and five times its normal size."
"What time is it?" Hodges grumbled.
"4 pm."
"We're nocturnal creatures," the irritated friend moaned, "we're supposed to be asleep at 4pm. Go to sleep."
"I would," Henry whimpered, "if my left nut wasn't throbbing. I think need to go an Urgent Care place or something."
Hodges opened one eye. "You're really going to walk into a medical facility and ask them to check out your shaved and inflamed ball?"
"If the choice is that or go infertile, yes! If I can't make Mandy pregnant again in the future, she'll dump me for sure."
"You breeders drive me crazy." Ready to be a good friend yet again, Hodges flipped back his bedding. "Life was more peaceful when I was a loner."
"But was it more fun?"
"Again! Again!" Chelsea squealed while hurrying up the steps. "One more jump."
"You said one more jump twenty jumps ago, Gidge." Greg readied to catch her again. "One more."
"Did my daughter just jump into the water?!" Lacey asked as she rushed to get to the pool's edge. "Wait…where did they go?"
"Underwater," Jenni answered, giving the woman the once over. Ugh, she's wearing a sexy, short cover-up over what I'm sure is a teeny, tiny bikini. Fat chance, lady! My brother won't give you the time of day. "She jumps, they both go underwater, and then she surfaces and kicks to the steps. They've done it dozens of times already."
"Oh my god, she's really swimming!" The mother beamed with pride. "Greg taught her to swim in an hour?"
"In about twenty minutes," the proud sister replied. "He's a great guy with a lot of talents, so I'm not surprised." And you cheated on him, you sleazy witch. Ha! Your loss, Nick's gain.
"Thank you, Greg!" Lacey yelled toward her ex-fiancé as he rubbed water from his eyes. "I can't believe she's swimming!" She also couldn't believe how fantastic Greg looked wet and topless.
Jenni's disgust grew as she watched the loser leer at her brother's biceps and newly acquired six pack.
"How's your hand?" Greg flatly asked, the CSI in him not believing the bullshit story he had been told. "Looks pretty serious from the bandaging." Shit, I hope she doesn't think I care because I asked.
The inquiry told Lacey her Ex still cared. "Dozen stitches. I'll be fine. My pride hurts more than my hand, because my father has been lecturing me since it happened."
What a shameless plea for sympathy! Rolling her eyes, Jenni counted the seconds until the she-devil came up with a reason to drop her cover-up.
"Mommy!" Chelsea was thrilled to see her mother poolside. "I can swim!"
"I know! I saw!" Lacey opened her arms. "I'm so proud of you. It was so nice of Greg to teach you." When her drenched daughter hugged her, she laughed, "Uh oh, you just got mommy soaked, Chels."
Maybe you should drop your cover-up and let it dry in the sun. Jenni gaped when she saw blondie had a picture-perfect body and a teenier bikini than she had imagined. I'm gonna hurl if the Ho leans over and flashes her boobs at him.
Whoa. If she had that body back in college, I never would have agreed to wait until marriage. Living up to his reputation as a solid three on the Kinsey scale, Greg's gaze gravitated toward his ex's cleavage.
"Watch me jump!" Chelsea took off without warning.
"Greg!" Jenni shouted, hoping to get his attention before the kid landed on the side of his face. "Too late." But that's what you get for being distracted by big boobs!
"Is she okay?" Lacey hurried to the stairs.
"She's fine, just rattled." Greg choked out water as he clutched the frightened child and made his way toward the stairs. "I'm not so sure about my nose, I think her knee plowed right into it."
"I've got her towel!" Jenni went to the edge to wait for her. "Come here, sweetie."
After placing Chelsea on the stairs, Greg asked, "Am I bleeding?"
"Tilt your head back," Lacey instructed as she stepped deeper into the water. "I don't see any blood." She gently pressed on his nose. "Does it hurt when I do that?"
"Not really, but my pain threshold has gone up recently."
Jenni felt compelled to add, "Nearly getting beaten to death because you sacrificed your safety to save an innocent man's life will do that to a guy."
"What?" Noting the scattered scars on her ex's previously unmarred body, Lacey said, "I know you saved Jenni, but you almost died saving a man too? When did that happen?"
"Last fall, but I really don't like talking about it, so…watch out!" He grabbed his Ex just as three teenage boys came rushing for the stairs. "I didn't want your bandages to get wet."
Unexpectedly in her ex's arms again, Lacey batted her eyelashes. "You really are good at saving people." Giggling, she glided her palm over his bicep. "Your arms a lot stronger than I remember."
If it wasn't for Chelsea being in her arms, Jenni would have told off the shameless flirt. "Hey, Greg! I bet you can get some ice for your nose at the bar."
"Great idea." After returning Lacey safely to the stairs, he hurried to his lounge chair for a towel.
"Mom!" Maddie yelled on approach. "Are you feeling better?! I want you to meet my new friend Cassie!" Grabbing her pal's hand, she rushed forward.
"You guys are back, cool." Finished toweling off, Greg hurried over to his partner. "How was your day, Cletus?"
Still trying to cope with the image of Greg holding his ex-fiancée in the pool, Nick could only nod.
Forgetting his plans to find ice, Greg whispered, "I'm really glad you're back, because I need to talk to you about something."
"About what?" Nick asked, masking his emotions.
"Let's get somewhere private first, okay?"
"Somewhere private?"
"It's not really something I want to tell you in public," Greg quietly explained.
"Oh." His paranoia intensifying, Nick's heart rate soared. "Yeah, sure, okay. Cass! You stay out of the water and with Jenni until we get back, okay?"
"I'll keep an eye on them!" Lacey offered, feeling obligated to give something back after the men had generously cared for her daughters all day.
"Awesome!" Greg smiled at his Ex. "Thanks."
"No problem." Trying not to imagine the two guys having a quickie, Lacey giggled, "Take all the time you need."
The sight of the ex-lovers smiling and giggling in each other's direction sent Nick's blood into a boil and his stomach into knots. "Let's go."
"I found a shortcut to our room."
"Great."
Greg pointed. "This way."
Nick followed in silence.
"OW!" Henry shrieked when the stodgy old doctor prodded his privates with a gloved hand. "Is it an infection? Is it serious? Will I lose my fertility?"
"No." Snapping off his latex gloves, Dr. Carlson said, "It's an allergic reaction to either the wax or the spray tanner. You'll make a full recovery."
Henry collapsed on the exam room table. "You saved my life."
"You're killin' me with the suspense here." Too unnerved to sit, Nick paced the living room of their suite. "What the hell is goin' on?"
"Sorry." Trying to find the right words, Greg rambled, "It's crazy, and I know you're going to be upset, but…it's like I woke up this morning thinking one way and after seven hours with Chelsea, I feel completely different. I'm serious, I'm not the same guy I was this morning. I know I said I would never change my mind and I meant it when I said it, but now…after today." He gulped, "I'm sorry, but I can't go through with it, Cletus." When he didn't get a reaction, he prodded, "How upset are you? You look mad. No, you looked pissed, really pissed. I'm sorry, I know you were really counting on…"
"Damn right I was counting on you to keep your promise!" Nick rushed to put distance between them. "I can't believe you're sayin' this!"
"I'm sorry," Greg pleaded with his tone and eyes, "I didn't know how strongly I would feel until I…"
"Until you had her in your arms?!"
"No, before that." Greg clarified, "It started when I was taking pictures of her on Heimlich's Chew Train, but it really it hit me hard when we were playing hide and go seek in the playland."
"You were playin' hide and go seek with Lacey in the…"
"Lacey?" Greg laughed, "If I played with her, I'd conveniently forget to do the 'seek' part of the game. I was playing with Chelsea. I was being a dad, a great one." Even though he was in trouble for going back on his word, he couldn't stop smiling. "Until today I didn't think I had the right stuff, but I do. I even taught the kid to swim in twenty minutes!" Beaming with excitement, he asked, "Even though I'm changing my mind, aren't you happy for me?"
"You want to be Chelsea's dad and I'm supposed to be happy?" Nick asked in disbelief, "Am I supposed think this is a noble sacrifice? Cassie may think I'm a saint, but I'm not. I'm not gonna look you in the eyes and say 'great, your life will be far less complicated if you marry your ex, have your ass kissed by in-laws who worship you, and be an instant daddy to two great kids instead of bein' with me and gettin' dirty looks, no respect from most of my family, and needin' outside help to have a baby'!"
"Is that what you think I'm saying?!" Greg exclaimed in shock. "That I want to throw everything away and pick up where I left off with Lacey? How can you think that?!"
"Because I saw you playin' in the pool with Lacey! If her tits had been any closer to your face…"
"Is that why you were acting so weird by the pool?! I thought you were just tired!"
"I…"
"I caught Lacey when she got knocked off her feet on the pool stairs, because I didn't want her bandages to get wet! I don't have feelings for her! If you had just bothered to ask…" Completely deflated, Greg said, "No, I don't want to be Chelsea's stepfather. What I was excited to tell you was - after spending the day acting like a dad, I realized I want to have a baby with you, not the lesbians. I was trying to tell you that I want us to go the surrogate route with Tawny, because I'm not afraid to be a dad anymore. I felt bad because I was backing out of the co-parenting decision when I said I wouldn't. I wasn't backing out of our marriage. I walked in here ecstatic about our future. I couldn't wait to tell you how much I was looking forward to bringing our kid here one day."
"Oh." Feeling horrible for jumping to an insane conclusion, Nick flustered, "I'm uh…I'm feelin' a little ridiculous all of a sudden."
"Yeah?" Staring at his wedding ring, Greg said, "Well suddenly I'm feeling a little pissed off." He marched for the door. "How great is this?! I'm pissed off at the happiest place on Earth!"
"Where are you going?"
"Where do you think a guy who would cheat and throw over his mate would go?! Pirates of the Caribbean!" Greg threw open the door. "I'm going to commune with my cad brethren!"
"G!" The sound of the door slamming made Nick jump. "Dammit!"
AN:
I know it's pretty uncommon for there to be any family tension or fighting at Disneyland, but…ha! Every time we go I witness a family nearly strangling each other. Who thinks Greg will actually make it to Pirates of the Caribbean? Who thinks he won't even make it to the elevator? Who thinks the chapter title 'Yo Ho, Yo Ho' is a reference to Lacey not just the Pirate ride? LOL
Alternative reality trivia question - do Dante, Dan Ellis, Matt Hawkins and Todd Stanton seem familiar to anyone?
Thanks to KJT for editing quickly for me.
Sorry for the extra long delay on this chapter. We had a round of illness through the family and then I had to catch up on everything that slid while we were sidelined. Thankfully it's heating up here and the germ season is about over!
Thanks for the feedback on the last one. I really appreciated hearing everyone's thoughts on Lacey and Greg confrontation.
I don't have a date for the next chapter, but I'll do my best to get it out much quicker. Thanks!
Maggs