Disclaimer: See first chapter

A/N: I warn you, the next chapter will not be pretty (hint…angst, horror, Sirius and bubblegum) so I thought I'd go all out madness today *insert evil grin here*

April 3rd 1976 Gryffindor Boys Dormitory 20:35

"Well, I love mine." Sirius leant back against his pillows and rolled the tension out of his shoulders. It was impossible to believe there was something about him that he hated at all.

Peter smiled grimly. "Lucky you."

Lupin tried not to be a part of this conversation, choosing to immerse himself in his latest find in the deepest, dustiest shelves of the Library, reading the same line three times before he truly took it in, eavesdropping shamelessly.

"You know," said James, ruffling his hair one last time before leaving the mirror for a whole night, "some people would take 'dog' as an insult."

Sirius shrugged. "Well, let's take a look at the qualities needed to be a dog, shall we? Loyalty, yeah, that's terrible. Big, wide eyes, which means you can get away with murder. A playful nature and pleasant temperament-" Peter laughed and Sirius glared at him. "A tail which is the best damn thing to ever happen to me. Can you imagine the conversations I can stop with that little tidbit? Yes, when I was sixteen, I grew a tail. And, here's the deal clincher, I can lick my own genitals. I need never go out again."

James laughed, Lupin shuddered, and Peter sighed.

"I can get licked by Mrs. Norris. I can never leave this room."

Sirius grinned. "Don't knock it. You know she's an Animagus too, right? She's got to be Mrs. Filch. She's just got to be. I mean, she's like how old?"

"At least one-hundred-and-three," said James, reading over Lupin's shoulder. "What the hell is this?"

Lupin snapped the book shut. "You know, you really shouldn't do that."

James raised an eyebrow. "Why? In case you're hiding porn under there?"

Lupin threw him a dubious glance, and returned to his book on the raising of a Grindylow.

"What do you want that for anyway?"

Lupin winced. "I um…I might have acquired one."

Sirius finally sat up. "Acquired one? What do you mean acquired one?"

Lupin, who immediately regretted releasing this information, drew his shoulders in and tucked his chin toward his chest, taking up as little space as possible. "I…um…you remember in The Hog's Head on Tuesday?"

James nodded. "When you buggered…off." He nodded slowly in understanding. "All right, Remus, let's just recap here. You bought a water demon from a bloke in the most dubious pub in possibly all of Britain?"

Lupin shook his head. "I didn't buy it."

Sirius' jaw dropped open. "You stole it?"

Lupin recoiled. "Don't be stupid. I swapped it."

Sirius narrowed his eyes as though trying to work out a complicated piece of long division. "You…swapped…it?"

Lupin nodded. "Yeah, do you remember the Jabberknoll that you told me I had to get rid of?"

James nodded. "Moony, it was ancient. Soon it would die and all that sound would come bursting out backwards. How many of our conversations had he listened in on? Besides, it would be so suspicious. I couldn't let you keep him here anymore."

Peter smiled sadly. He had been rather attached to the little bird who had lived on top of their wardrobe. Lupin had developed an obsession with all manner of weird and wonderful creatures since their second year, for which he blamed Catherine Dearheart - their then Defence professor - entirely. Though it was not until Care of Magical Creatures in third year that Lupin had started to 'acquire' creatures they all had a feeling were illegal, with the aid and use of James' cloak and the One Eyed Witch statue.

Most of the birds Lupin brought back looked as though they would have snatched his skull in the night without a care in the world, but luckily, Lupin soon developed a new fascination, and the creature was released into the Forbidden Forest in the dead of night.

"Where the hell have you been keeping a Grindylow?" asked Sirius, watching in awe as Lupin rolled off his bed and on hands and knees, pulled out a very large tank from under his bed.

Its inhabitant was pressed up against the glass, a horned creature whose skin was a shade of green distinctly reminiscent of bile, with long thin fingers that curled around the weeds it usually hid in as though they were bars. It barred its green teeth and Peter physically recoiled.

Though he did not approve in the slightest, he had to admit that at least Lupin was looking after it. He had made a little home for it, filling the tank with what appeared to be dirty water and adding several clumps of weeds.

"Did it come in that tank?" Peter asked, emitting a little expression of disgust as Lupin's latest pet made a face at him.

Lupin nodded. "I switched the water pretty quickly though. It looked like salt water to me and he needs fresh. I stole some from the lake and the weeds came from the banking. Though I have no idea where I'm going to get fish to feed him on. I think I'm going to have to ask the House Elves."

Peter's mouth dropped open. "Are you serious?"

James rolled his eyes, knowing the Grindylow would soon be added to the lake itself where he would probably become a little pet for the merpeople.

"I've called him Pepper."

James nodded slowly. "Pepper the Grindylow? Right…okay."

Lupin shrugged. "It was either that or Tabasco. The poor sod who got the Jabberknoll was drinking a Bloody Mary at the time."

Sirius laughed. "Go on. Call him Tabasco. It's so much cooler."

Lupin shook his head. "I'm saving Tabasco for when I get a Niffler."

"What? Pepper the Grindylow and Tabasco the Niffler?"

Lupin nodded. "I thought it was time for a change from Mythology and Composers."

"So you went with cocktail ingredients?"

Lupin shrugged. "I thought it might be interesting."

Peter shook his head and wondered where on earth Lupin was going to keep a Niffler.

And two weeks later, as Peter lay in bed, he felt a strange tickling feeling between his legs. He froze and tried not to breathe too hard for fear it shatter the pretence that he was already dead. Peter lifted the covers and lowered his eyes. He found a small, black creature destroying his bed sheets.

"REMUS!"

Lupin winced. "Sorry."

"YOU CAN'T KEEP A FUCKING NIFFLER INDOORS!"

"Well, where else was I going to keep him?"

James rose groggily. "S'going on?"

"That bloody badger thingy is about to eat my balls."

Lupin grabbed his Niffler and began to defend it in vain. "So? Sirius would pay someone to do that to his."

Peter raised his eyebrows. "Well, put him in Sirius' bed then. Let's see what he says."

Lupin sighed sadly. "All right, you win. I want a Shrake now anyway."

James buried his face in his hands. "I'm going back to bed, and in the morning, this had better have turned out to be a dream."