A/N: Sorry about the massive hiatus, I had some mad idea I could get the entire thing finished and not post again until it was done. Then belatedly realised that was a terrible idea. So here is a bit of an update, may even stretch to two chapters.
I note a few of you did not like the Elisif/Torygg interactions - although that was outweighed by the readers who thought it was spot on. This is developed more in this chapter, but honestly, I'm not sure what else I could have done with them. Their entire marriage is built on Torygg the Heir to the Throne/High King and Elisif as his consort who is to play little role in the actual wielding of power - that much is obvious from canon and the fact Elisif in game leaves most of the governing to her steward and really doesn't seem to know what she's doing - because no one ever told her. She was never supposed to be Jarl, she was meant to have kids and raise those, and Torygg was supposed to live to a ripe old age. Then suddenly, he's dead and she's Jarl. That's the canon. And with that background, having them meet again under these circumstances, with Elisif having changed dramatically - learnt to Shout, developed physical strength and conditioning from running all round Skyrim in heavy armour, learnt how to fight and is now better at it than he ever was in life, fought in battles, survived assassins, survived prison and negotiating with the Forsworn, been dungeon-running including a Dwemer ruin - there's just no way they can simply go back to what they were. Torygg can't impress her just by being him any more, and she can't hide who she is now and go back to being an adoring wife. It is sad, but people do change and grow apart, albeit not usually quite like this.
Also there is the little matter of him being dead, and her not being - she has to go back and be Queen and get married eventually and have heirs, and for that to work, she needs to move on from Torygg. That will be dramatically easier if she can see him as he is, not forever bathed in rose-tinted memories. Even if she wasn't going to have an LI in this story, or if I gave her a different LI, I think I'd still have ended up writing them this way.
Anyway, that's all I have to say on that, the chapter should do the rest of the talking. For what it's worth, I do feel a bit bad for Torygg, especially being Shouted across Sovngarde and having Elisif snap at him, but he was about to get eaten by Alduin, Elisif didn't want to see him brutally killed again, and having a calm and reasoned discussion while Alduin the World-Eater is soaring overhead raining rocks and fire down around them just wasn't going to happen. Doesn't happen in the first half of the chapter either, hem hem. But I did do a little redrafting and made Torygg a bit less of an arse... just rather hurt and confused.
Summary: Alduin is dead, and Elisif is recovering in Sovngarde with her loyal housecarls to help her. But after every battle comes the inevitable peace talks, and Elisif has to literally lay her ghosts to rest, as her former husband and former enemy both demand her attention for very different reasons. Meanwhile, she's not the only one with connections there, as Argis deals with his own past.
When Elisif woke up, she was in the comfiest bed she'd ever been in, in a beautiful white and gold room with a Kynareth shrine in the window and transparent sheer curtains around the bed, all her aches and pains a memory. She'd never felt so relaxed.
This must still be Sovngarde. Shor's Hall must have the odd bedroom somewhere.
She sat up, seeing her Blades armour and the Jagged Crown on a mannequin, with her pack at its feet and the Shield of Solitude on a wall plaque with Dawnbreaker and Dragonbane glowing behind it. Someone had brought her in here and undressed her, changing warrior's clothes for a silk shift. She had no idea who, Jordis maybe? She couldn't see either housecarl standing for strange men seeing her undressed.
"Elisif?" And she knew him, that was Torygg! She had her husband back!
"Torygg!" she gasped, delight on her face... until she saw how sombre he was looking. She recalled how she'd snapped at him while fighting Alduin and winced. Clearly he was offended.
"Is this about the Shout?" she said hesitantly. "Because I didn't mean to hurt you, I just wanted you out of the way..."
"Yes," Torygg sighed. "I mean, no, I... Dragonborn? Really? You?"
"Of course I am, you saw me Shout, you saw me kill Alduin!" Elisif sighed. "I know it's unexpected, I don't even believe it myself sometimes but it's true!"
Torygg looked away, still grim.
"I'm not sure I do believe it," Torygg admitted. "You're not a warrior!"
Not a warrior, and people had been saying that all along, Falk had implied it, Rikke too, Balgruuf had said it at one point, Ulfric surely had believed it although she was also sure he was convinced otherwise now. No one took her seriously, and now her own husband had joined the chorus. Even after seeing her fight Alduin and win.
"Not a warrior?" Elisif snapped. "You tried to take on the World-Eater in your court robes and you tell me I'm not a warrior? I may not be the most skilled but I turned up in my best armour and with weapons I'd earned!"
That had got to him and Torygg did at least concede that point... but he still wasn't happy.
"You're my wife!" Torygg cried. "It's my job to protect you!"
"Well, you did a terrible job of it!" Elisif shouted, all the grief and guilt and long-suppressed rage finally coming out. How dare he, how dare he die and leave her alone with Solitude and the war and the Stormcloaks and dragons and everything? "You died, Torygg! You died, you left me alone without anyone! Where were you when I really needed you, Torygg? Where were you when Whiterun was attacked, when Ulfric killed my housecarl and took my friend prisoner and nearly caught me, when the Dark Brotherhood tried to kill me, when they threw me in Cidhna Mine with the Forsworn? When I really needed protection, where the fuck were you, Torygg?! Nowhere, that's where! Because you were dead and I was all on my own, so don't you dare give me that crap about having to protect me! I've been doing just fine without you!"
Torygg had gone pale, staring at her throughout all this, and Elisif realised she was crying, tears rolling down her cheeks, and she hadn't meant to hurt him, she hadn't! But it had all come pouring out and she'd not really realised until now that the dragon rage that had never been far away wasn't mindless at all, or untargeted. It was all directed at Torygg for being a fucking idiot and getting himself killed.
And if Torygg had given in and apologised properly, all might have been salvageable. But Torygg hadn't known his wife as well as he'd thought, and he certainly didn't understand the Dragonborn she'd become.
"Elisif," he whispered, staring at her in shock. "Elisif, I don't... look, I'm sorry. I didn't want to hurt you. But I had no choice, honour was at stake, he'd challenged me! I couldn't refuse, I'd have looked weak!"
You are weak. The words came unbidden into Elisif's mind, her dragon side making its opinion known... except it had been part of her for so long now, she no longer really saw it as separate. She was as much dragon as human now – every Thu'um learned, dragon soul taken, every time she Shouted – all making her that bit less of a frightened human girl and much more akin to the mighty beasts that roamed the skies. She had a dragon's spirit, and she'd also gained the skills to back it up. She was no longer a girl afraid to be a woman... but Torygg hadn't changed a bit and he was still the boy trying to be a man.
"You could have talked him out of it," Elisif said quietly, all sorts of options coming into her mind. "Asked him why. Agreed with him. If you'd made the decision to secede, the other Jarls would have probably backed you, and the Empire would have had to go along with it. We would have been united. But you let Ulfric kill you."
"He had the Thu'um!" Torygg protested. Elisif actually hissed, lips curling back to reveal her teeth.
"So did Alduin, and look what happened to him!" Elisif growled. "You should have let me fight Ulfric in the first place."
Not fair at all, back then she'd have been no better in a fight than he was... but she might have stood up to Unrelenting Force.
As it was, Torygg was staring back at her like she was a stranger.
"What happened, Elisif?" Torygg whispered. "You were never like this before! You were never this... angry! What happened to that sweet, innocent girl I fell in love with?"
"Life happened," Elisif sighed wearily, recalling everything she'd been through. "Dragon blood happened. Ulfric, the Brotherhood, the Forsworn, the Blades, everything. I had to fight or die, and I couldn't die because Skyrim needed me." And I needed you, but you weren't there...
Torygg was biting his lip, having the grace to look guilty at least.
"It should never have been you," Torygg whispered. "I'm so sorry, Elisif. I tried so hard to keep you away from all that – politics, war, everything, set my entire court up so you'd never have to deal with it. But it's all right. My court will still do that for you if you let them."
Of course they would, that was the problem... wait.
Slowly but surely the pieces clicked together. Torygg's court... working as it always had to keep her out of the politics, keep her ignorant and out of the way... and her own husband had set it up that way all along. To protect her? Or keep her looking up to him, stop her realising he perhaps wasn't as capable as he seemed. She didn't know, but she did realise one thing. The source of all her misery just lately was her own husband.
"Your court," Elisif said quietly. "Your court?"
"Er, I mean obviously it's your court now," Torygg began, perhaps realising he'd made a mistake. "But I know you never wanted the job, and obviously you won't want to actually get involved with all the menial details or anything, Falk can take care of everything..."
"He's following your orders," Elisif said softly. "You told him to make sure I was never exposed to anything of importance, you were the one who made sure I was the last to know anything, that everything ran without me."
"Well yes, obviously, you're just a bard's daughter from High Rock, what would you know about court life?" Torygg said, honestly confused. "That's the whole reason I married you, you were the only person who knew nothing about court intrigue and I wanted you to stay that way!"
"What?" Elisif whispered, feeling everything come crashing down around her as her heart shattered into pieces. "You only loved me because I didn't know anything?"
"No, it's not like that!" Torygg cried. Elisif didn't care. She thought she'd loved him more than life itself. She thought he'd felt the same. Then he'd died and her life had fallen apart... and it turned out half the damage had been because he'd set things up on purpose to leave her helpless.
"You kept me weak and ignorant on purpose!" Elisif shouted, getting out of bed and not caring that the walls were starting to shake. "You left me dependent on you and helpless when you died, and you don't seem to care that it nearly killed me! And if I hadn't been Dragonborn, I'd still be like that! Trapped and helpless and miserable and it is all... your... FAULT!"
"Elisif!" Torygg gasped, stunned. "You're my wife, what else was I supposed to do, it's my job to take care of you!"
"Get out!" Elisif cried, only wishing her swords were a bit closer to the bed. People always did what you told them when you had a sword in your hand. "Get. Out!"
"Elisif, please, calm down, what in Talos's name is wrong with you?" Torygg gasped, looking genuinely wounded. In all their marriage, he'd seen Elisif unhappy, upset, tearful... but never angry, not like this, and he had no idea what to do.
"GET OUT OF MY ROOM!" Elisif howled and that was when the door slammed open.
"All right, the Jarl wants you out of here," Jordis said firmly. Torygg turned and actually looked relieved, clearly recognising her as one of his own housecarls.
"Ah, Jordis isn't it? Just the woman. Look, you have to help, Elisif's... I don't know what's wrong with her, but please help..."
"Jarl Elisif wants you out of here," Jordis repeated firmly, eyes narrowing. "I suggest you leave before I remove you."
"But Jordis, I'm your High King!" Torygg protested. "You're sworn to my service as a housecarl of Solitude!"
"We're not in Solitude," Jordis pointed out. "And the Jarl and High Queen is sitting over there. I'm sworn to her... not you. Now, you were about to leave?"
"There a problem?" Argis had emerged now, lacking the golden aura everyone else had, in fact he looked reassuringly real and solid and Elisif felt safer just having him around.
Elisif drew herself up to her full height, shaking back her hair and looking as commanding and regal as possible.
"My ex-husband is bothering me," she told Argis. "I want him removed."
Jordis and Argis looked at each other, grinned and moved to stand either side of Torygg, hooking their arms through his.
"Wait, what? You can't do this to me, she's my wife!" Torygg cried.
"Widow," said Jordis pointedly. "And I'd say she's turned from a grieving one to a merry one."
"About bloody time," Argis laughed. "Been wondering what she saw in him since I got here."
"This is insane!" Torygg protested. "She doesn't mean it, she can't possibly! She doesn't know what she wants!"
"Sounded pretty bloody clear to me," Argis growled as he and Jordis hauled the struggling ex-High King out and threw him into the corridor. Argis stepped out after him, Torygg shouting "now look here, this is between me and Elisif, you have no right to interfere..." only to be cut off by Argis growling "shut up" and then a forceful thud and yelp of pain as Argis flung Torygg down the corridor... but Jordis had shut the door on him by that point.
"Are you all right?" Jordis whispered as she went over to Elisif, taking her in her arms, and Elisif shook her head, finally letting anger give way to tears and grief for a marriage it seemed she'd barely understood at all... for a husband who'd not understood her and set her up to be incapable without him. The sad thing was, it might have worked out if he'd lived and if she'd had heirs. He could have done the ruling, she would have raised the babies, and when one of them was old enough they would have been ready to take over. She'd never have had to go near the reins of power.
But Torygg had died and she'd been childless and she'd found herself in the seat of power with no idea what she was doing and a court set up to keep her that way. If it weren't for the dragon blood, she might never have found a way out. As it was, she found it hard to forgive him for setting her up to be the most useless Jarl in Skyrim, even unintentionally.
Jordis sat down on the bed with her and a few moments later, Argis returned.
"She all right?"
"I don't know," Jordis said quietly. "Not yet. But I think she will be. Our Dragonborn's tough."
"She is that," Argis said, voice filled with pride as he took a seat on Elisif's other side, rubbing her back. Elisif reached out and squeezed his hand, thankful he was there, that they both were.
"What did you do to Torygg?" she whispered, although she had a fair idea what had happened.
"Taught the milk-drinker a thing or two," Argis said, grinning. "He's in the main hall nursing a bruised arse and a bruised ego. Oh, don't worry, souls in Sovngarde regenerate, he'll be pretty again by this time tomorrow."
"Good," whispered Elisif, although whether she was approving of Torygg getting beaten up by Argis or the consequences not being permanent, she wasn't sure. Argis just laughed and patted her back again.
"That's the spirit," Argis said. Then he paused and when he spoke again his voice was low and uncertain.
"So, er, Jordis and I were standing guard outside and we couldn't help but hear you talking..." Argis began.
"You don't have to talk about it, not if you don't want," Jordis said gently. "But we want you to know we're here for you. Sworn to serve... and listen if you want."
"And if you want him beating up properly, just say the word," Argis said cheerfully. "Always willing to give your enemies a good kicking, you know that." He really was far too like his father sometimes, but right now Elisif was glad of it.
"Thank you," Elisif whispered. "Both of you. I'm so glad I've got you here."
Both housecarls tightened their grip on her.
"I promise you, when your time is over and you come here for good, I will be waiting," Jordis swore. "Not just as your housecarl, but your friend."
"I don't know where I'll end up, but as long as I live, I'll be there for you," Argis promised. Loyal friends in both life and death and Elisif was going to cry again, she knew it. Honestly, all that time, all that effort trying to avenge her husband... and it had turned out to be a waste of time. Torygg in the end hadn't been worth avenging. Ulfric might even be the better man in some regards... only some, mind you. All that time wasted mourning him, all the pining, all the misery over never being able to love again – all so much wasted energy. All the anger, the rage, all the terror that she was turning into some sort of monster... and it was all anger at Torygg for dying, displaced on to whatever target was convenient. She couldn't feel the rage at all now – just honest anger at Torygg, and that set her off crying again. There was nothing wrong with her. She was as capable and confident as anyone, and also still a good person. She wasn't a danger to anyone on the right side of the law, she wasn't going to start harming innocent people, not any time soon. Not now she knew who she was really angry at. And she'd been so scared, spent so much time worrying, even ended up crying on Madanach's shoulder and begging him to make sure she didn't hurt anyone and no doubt making a complete fool of herself in the process... and it had been for nothing.
There was nothing wrong with her, nothing at all. And Elisif cried her eyes out for all the weeks and months she'd ever believed otherwise.
It was a long time before Elisif felt ready to leave the room. Assisted by her housecarls, she collected her things and headed back to the main hall.
Torygg was nowhere to be seen, but the rest of the Hall gave her a standing ovation, cheering her and praising her name, with many a cry of 'Long live Queen Elisif! Long live the Dragonborn!'
"Oh my goodness," Elisif whispered. "I've not even been mooted!"
"Who else are they going to vote for?" Njada called drunkenly from where she was sitting, perched on Galmar's lap with one arm round him and one clutching her mead tankard. Galmar was too busy staring at her breasts to notice. Well, it took all sorts, Elisif supposed.
Then Ulfric was there, having got up as soon as she'd entered, and now he was standing before her. Strange, he almost seemed nervous, and then he actually bowed slightly and that was just weird.
"Elisif. High Queen. May I speak with you? Alone if possible."
"High Queen speaks to no one unless she wants to," Argis growled, flexing his fists and just daring Ulfric to give him a reason to deal with him as well. Elisif placed a hand on his arm.
"That's enough, Argis. I'll speak with him." Kyne knew Ulfric wasn't the one Elisif was angry at. Not any more.
"Are you sure...?" Jordis began but Elisif just nodded.
"I'll be fine. Just keep an eye out for Torygg, let me know if he comes back. Keep him away from me."
Ulfric raised an eyebrow but said nothing. He just followed Elisif as she led him off to a quiet corner in the smaller hall, picking up a couple of tankards and asking if she wanted some mead.
Yes. Yes she did, and as she tasted it, she realised this was really quite a nice afterlife, the mead was literally to die for.
"That hit the spot," she whispered. Ulfric nodded, agreeing, and they sat in silence for a few moments. Very strange to be sitting here with her husband's murderer... but the gods had let him in, and given that her husband had turned out to be not who she'd thought he was, she found herself feeling rather more charitable towards Ulfric.
"So what did you want?" she asked. He must want something after all.
"It's not a matter of wanting something, more a matter of a debt owed," Ulfric said quietly. "Elisif, death has a way of giving you a changed perspective. All the little things don't matter so much any more. Don't think I was completely unaware of your movements – I knew you were planning something. I thought it was the Imperials, I never suspected the Forsworn – did you really make Madanach the Witch-King Jarl of my city?"
"He is," Elisif admitted, feeling a bit guilty. Not for doing it, but she did feel sorry for Ulfric. "We made friends in Cidhna Mine and when he found out I wanted revenge for Torygg, he offered to help. When the Legion wouldn't help me, I took him up on it. Someone has to look after the place while I'm here after all."
Ulfric grimaced, sipping his mead. "I dread to think what he's done to the place. My poor citizens..."
"He's already taken in two homeless orphans and your non-Nord people love him," Elisif said tersely. "He's not you, Ulfric. He's not gone on a bloody rampage executing anyone who doesn't agree with him."
Silence and then Ulfric hung his head.
"Aye. He has not. I've been keeping an eye on new arrivals and while plenty of war dead arrived, and a few from the uprising, no one from Windhelm's come here since. I thought he might be soul trapping people, but I talked to some of the mages here and they say only black soul gems can be used for that. Well, we didn't have more than three in the entire city to start with, and I'm told they're rare and costly. Whatever Madanach's faults, he is not slaughtering Nords." Here Ulfric hung his head. "There is only one person's folly that has sent so many of my kinsfolk here... and that is my own."
Elisif wanted to comfort him, but truth was, he was right. All the same... not entirely right. She recalled the dossier Delphine had given her... and realised she had it on her.
It occurred to her the one it was about might want to see it.
"I owe you, Dragonborn," Ulfric was saying still. "I took the one you loved from you, killed a good man and started a war that tore our homeland apart and for what? So that our kinsfolk could be eaten by Alduin? I knew as soon as you walked into my hall that doom had come upon me. Shor's bones, but I think I knew it the moment I heard you were Dragonborn and saw you at Ivarstead. I would not put it past the Imperials to appropriate one of our legends... but the Greybeards do not lie."
"Ulfric..." Elisif said quietly. He wasn't listening.
"I didn't throw our combat, not exactly, but I didn't want to kill you either," Ulfric sighed. "I'd been starting to have doubts for weeks, watching you be where you shouldn't be, escape what was inescapable, do the impossible and I wondered if the gods themselves were favouring you. If perhaps you were in the right. I'm still not sure. But when you told me Alduin was in Sovngarde feasting on our kin, on men and women I'd sent there one way or another... I knew where I was truly needed. Here. So I went into that fight committing myself to the gods, allowing them to pass judgement, knowing you'd be a tougher fight than Torygg. And so it proved. I am sorry, Elisif. You are right, you know. There are better ways than war. All this one did was feed the World-Eater. And the fault lies entirely on my shoulders."
"That's not true," Elisif whispered, producing the dossier and handing it over. "Ulfric, I... some of my people found this in the Thalmor Embassy. I... I think you should have it."
Ulfric took it off her, eyes widening as he read the front page, cheeks flushing red and he took another long gulp of mead before flipping through it. His hands shook as he read, only more mead seeming to help and when he was done, he snapped it shut, got up, walked over to the nearest fire and tore it to pieces, letting the flames take it.
"Who else has seen that?" he said gruffly. Elisif wasn't sure. Delphine obviously, and Brynjolf. Madanach had seen it too, which meant any number of the Forsworn High Command might know. But there was something she could reassure him on.
"No one who's likely to come here," she said truthfully. "It's not widely known, and I know you weren't helping them intentionally... I just thought you should know they've been manipulating us all for years. And... and that whatever they told you, you didn't betray your Empire."
"Until I murdered the High King and seceded from it," Ulfric said, face gaunt and Elisif wondered if this had been a good idea. Ulfric finished his mead and got up, holding out a hand to her.
"Thank you, Dragonborn. Thank you for telling me. It was not easy to read, but by Talos, it has lifted a weight off me. You've no reason to like or trust me, I know, but when your time comes, know you will have a friend here in me."
"Thanks," Elisif said quietly. "I won't forget you either. I don't know if I can call you a friend exactly... but I forgive you for Torygg. It turns out you may have done me a favour. Torygg and I... we just split up."
"Is that so?" Ulfric did raise an eyebrow at that, and while the dossier was clearly still on his mind, he was at least able to show some interest in her and Torygg. "I wondered why your housecarl threw him halfway down the hall. May I ask why? We're all rather curious."
"He got in the way of me killing Alduin. Said he was trying to save me," Elisif sighed. "So I got angry with him, Shouted him out of the way for his own safety and he didn't like that. He accused me of interfering with his right to fight and die bravely. And then I found out he'd been deliberately arranging his court to keep me away from anything political, and they're still following his orders! It turns out he loved me because I was weak and soft and didn't know anything about politics, he did his best to keep me that way and now I'm not soft or weak any more... he says he doesn't understand me! I got angry with him and he implied there was something wrong with me!"
Sympathy in Ulfric's eyes and he patted her on the shoulder.
"Whatever our differences, you deserve better than that. Find someone who likes strength in his women. In the mean time, don't worry about him any further. I'll have my people keep him away from you while you're here, and after that... well, if he still respects me as you say he used to... leave him with me, I'll see if I can re-educate him."
That did make Elisif smile, and to be able to sit and drink and talk with an old enemy... she would never have seen that coming. Was it something in the mead, making them all reasonable? Or maybe it was Sovngarde itself bringing out the truth in people. Either way, she could never for the life of her have seen it shattering her marriage... but bringing peace with her bitterest foe.
Ulfric had returned to Galmar and Njada, saying nothing to either but unfolding Galmar in a strangely intimate bear hug, to which Galmar had responded by patting him on the back, telling Njada that their Jarl evidently needed a bit of one on one time and was about to sweep Ulfric off when the former Jarl quietly said Njada could come too if she liked, and to Elisif's surprise, both of them put their arms around Ulfric and led him away. She might not have thought anything of it... but Ulfric's arms had gone around both their waists and it occurred to Elisif Galmar might not be the only one bedding Njada... and it was also possible Ulfric had never married because he'd had a lover alongside him all along.
I want a lover, the thought came to her. Well, she was free to now, wasn't she? Didn't have to agree to a loveless marriage of convenience. She could have whoever she wanted. If they wanted her back, of course. Shame Argis wasn't single, he was really quite cute... but also Madanach's son and too good a friend to complicate things with.
Shame Jordis could never come back to life... but she'd be here in Sovngarde and if her friendship turned into more... Elisif had never been in bed with a woman before, but it might be enjoyable. Maybe she should try it and find out.
And then there was Madanach. Too old for her. Dangerous and disreputable. Not just blood on his hands but all the way up to his elbows. Probably a necromancer, and his sister certainly was.
But he'd helped her. His kin had helped her. And he was charming and smart and not put off by the whole Dragonborn thing... He'd never be a casual lover though. Never a casual anything. He'd want a marriage. Did she really want to tie herself down with a nearly-sixty recovering Skooma addict?
Memories flashed through her mind of that night they'd gone drinking, of lying on top of him and tearfully begging him not to let her hurt anybody, and him laughing gently and promising to stop her if she got out of control, eyes gentle and kind for once and then... she couldn't remember a lot else but she'd woken up alone in her own tent, fully dressed and seeing as Blades armour was tricky to remove or put on at the best of times on your own, she had a feeling he'd done nothing other than cuddle her.
Which was also a shame. Damn it. This was ridiculous, he was too old for her, any number of people must want to bed her, she should be looking out for them.
But he'd been kind when he hadn't had to be... and he'd been genuinely concerned for her wellbeing on more than one occasion... and he was interested.
This was no good at all. Damn it but she needed to talk to someone. Someone who knew him and might be able to help.
Jordis was sitting on her own at the end of the table, quietly drinking her mead. No sign of Argis.
"Where'd Argis go?" Elisif asked.
"Over there," Jordis said, pointing him out. He was sitting on the stairs, talking to a woman in simple hunter's furs... and given that they shared a hair colour, not to mention the way they were holding hands, it became obvious who she must be.
"Oh, he found his mother!" Elisif gasped, feeling her own discontents vanish in the wake of happiness for her housecarl. Jordis nodded, smiling.
"Yeah, she made it. She had the sense to stay inside when Alduin turned up. You should go and say hello."
So Elisif did just that.
Argis was holding hands with her, tears rolling down his cheek as his forehead rested against hers. Inga, that was her name, wasn't it? Inga Fair-Shot. She looked to be in her thirties, probably the age she was when she died, and her blue eyes and blonde hair and the shape of her face were just like Argis's. She was really quite pretty. No wonder Madanach had liked her.
"Hello," Elisif said, causing both mother and son to start up.
"Hey? Oh, Elisif," Argis said, looking a little embarrassed. "Er... this is my ma. Inga. I finally tracked her down, look!"
"I saw," Elisif said, pleased beyond all measure Argis was happy. "It's lovely to meet you, Inga."
"Likewise, Dragonborn," Inga whispered, flushing bright red and looking away. "I... I mean, it's an honour, milady."
"You can just call me Elisif," Elisif told her, sitting cross-legged on the floor to help settle her a bit. "I'm not a queen or Jarl or anything here."
"Oh yes you are, you're a bloody hero," Inga snapped, looking up from the floor at that. "Argis has been telling me all sorts. You're not just some soldier or hunter, you're the slayer of Alduin! Of course you're someone. I just got killed protecting my son."
"Well, he saved me in turn, so don't think I'm not grateful for that," Elisif said. "Your son's a very skilled warrior, you should be proud of him."
"I am," Inga said quietly, smiling at her son. "I'm just glad he's all right and happy and has a young man apparently!"
Argis blushed a bit and muttered something about it being early days and how Farkas might not want a proper partner, but Inga just rolled her eyes.
"Why wouldn't he want you, you're handsome and bright and kind," Inga said, nudging him. "And you turned out quite well considering your father recruited you into the Forsworn at ten years old."
"He didn't recruit me," Argis sighed wearily. "He took me in and raised me. I didn't join the Forsworn until after he got sent down."
"Got himself arrested, bloody typical Madanach, that is," Inga snorted. "I told him it would end in tears and look what happened."
Inga looked like she was about to start crying again, and Elisif couldn't help but move closer and sit next to her.
"It's all right," she whispered. "He escaped. Now he's free and... and I made him Jarl and granted him a full pardon. He's running Windhelm."
Argis pouted at her and Inga just looked stunned.
"He... what?" Inga gasped. "Madanach, Jarl of Windhelm?" She turned to her son for confirmation.
"See, now you've gone and spoiled it," Argis sighed. "I hadn't got to that part yet! Yes Ma, Da's a Jarl and now he's acknowledged me, I'm an official noble."
"And you pardoned him," Inga gasped, staring at Elisif. "Despite everything, you pardoned him?"
"Official pardon from the High Queen," Elisif promised. "Except I'm not Mooted yet, but I will be, and then it'll be properly, unarguably legal, and then I'm giving him his country back so he can be king!"
"You'd do that?" Inga whispered. "But why?"
"Because he helped me," Elisif said, remembering how scared she'd been in Cidhna Mine and how understanding Madanach had been... and how she'd seen Witchmist Redoubt and realised she wasn't going to her death in Windhelm after all. "He was there for me when I got thrown into Cidhna Mine and helped me escape... and then he organised an uprising in Windhelm because he was worried I might do something like challenge Ulfric and get killed and he wanted me to have backup. I owe him a lot, in fact I think I owe him my life. He deserves to be happy. He's not a bad man, Inga."
She looked into Inga's eyes and realised that of everyone in Sovngarde, Inga was the one person she didn't need to persuade of that. Inga was smiling at her, tears in her eyes.
"I know," Inga said, taking Elisif's hand in hers. "Thank you. Thank you for believing in him too. He's not... he's not a monster. He's ruthless and cunning, but he's got principles. He was a good king in Markarth. He can be again, just please trust him."
"I do," Elisif replied, squeezing Inga's hand. "And I think he still has a bit of a torch for you. He think he misses you even now."
"So do I," Inga said quietly. "Never met anyone with quite that same mix of rough and gentle as him. I'm glad he's free and happy though – is he happy? Please tell me Mireen's dead."
"She's dead," Elisif told her. "I think he's content... but he's not got anyone. Well, not yet anyway. Might change once he's king. Someone might show an interest or he might have to get married." Something must have shown in her eyes, because Inga had leaned forward, looking at her carefully, then back to Argis.
"Son, what aren't you telling me?" Inga asked shrewdly, and Elisif wondered if Madanach's assessment of her as a simple huntress from the country might not have sold her short a little.
"Da fancies her," Argis sighed. Inga turned sharply back to Elisif, eyes wide as she dropped her hand. Then she rolled her eyes.
"Of course he does," Inga sighed. "He has this thing for women taller than him. And you're beautiful too, Mara, of course he wants you. You're beautiful, powerful and a queen, I'm surprised he's not tried to seduce you already. Be warned, he is full of it sometimes."
"Oh, I know that," Elisif sighed. "And he's tried already – sent me four words of power and a new housecarl." She nodded at Argis and Inga looked even more annoyed.
"He used our son as a courtship gift?"
"Yeah but Ma, I wouldn't be here if he hadn't," Argis sighed. "And I don't mind being Elisif's housecarl, it's an adventure! Wouldn't have met Farkas either and he's gorgeous."
Inga snorted, not entirely convinced by this.
"All the same, it's bloody typical, that is. Bloody Madanach, never thinks about consequences, oh no," Inga sighed. "Have you given him an answer yet?"
"I said no," Elisif whispered, remembering that night by the fire at Witchmist. "And he was alright with that. Been a bit distant since but OK, you know?"
Inga was still looking very carefully at her and Elisif could tell she wasn't entirely convinced.
"And you're fine with that."
Elisif honestly didn't know. She remembered talking to him after the occupation, and sensing something was missing. He'd been keeping his distance, noncommittal where he'd once drawn her in, closed off where he never had been before... and it had upset her. It still upset her. She missed him, missed what they had, and she had no idea how to get it back.
"I don't know," Elisif whispered, and she must have looked heartbroken because Inga was shifting nearer and pulling her in for a cuddle, putting her arms around her and making little soothing noises, and Argis was there too, looking worried and whispering her name.
"Are you OK, El?" Argis said, concerned. Elisif shook her head.
"No! I turned your father down and now everything is weird and I miss him and I just want it to be how it was and... and it isn't and I don't know how to fix it!" Elisif sobbed. "I think he wanted marriage, but it's still too soon, but I miss him!"
"El..." Argis whispered, rubbing her back, but it was Inga's quietly authoritative tones that carried the day.
"Son. This is the part where you give us a bit of privacy, hmm?" Inga said gently, and Argis nodded and slipped off to find Jordis and track down some mead.
Once they were alone, Inga kissed the top of her head and held Elisif like she was her own child.
"You poor girl," Inga said quietly. "You poor, poor girl. He's got to you already, hasn't he? It's that smile, isn't it? He's such a gruff and suspicious bastard, but as soon as he starts to trust you, it's only a matter of time before he smiles at you and those eyes of his actually thaw, and then you realise he's handsome and then you realise he's got the nicest legs you ever saw and next thing you know you're kissing him and he's kissing you back and then you're on your back with him going down on you, and if he does that, you're lost."
"I never noticed his legs," Elisif whispered, but she'd seen the smile and that was eye-catching, no doubt about that, probably because it didn't happen often and was reserved for very few. But the legs – she'd never really looked at those. And as for the other...
"Is – is he good at that then? I mean, does he enjoy it?" Elisif whispered. Torygg hadn't done it that often, but when he had, Elisif had enjoyed it. She wasn't so sure Torygg always had though.
"Enjoy it? Elisif, he loves it," Inga whispered back. "I'd had lovers before, I've had a few in Sovngarde since. But Nord men, it's all about the cock for them, getting inside you and proving their manliness that way. It gets boring after a while. Not with him though. He's... inventive. I only had three weeks of him as a lover, then we were friends while he was king but no more than that. But my goodness it was an intense three weeks. I don't think I'll ever have anyone like him again, but I've got eternity to wait for one to turn up. You don't though."
"I don't? I mean, I don't, do I?" Elisif sighed. "If he finds someone else, or if I do..."
Inga was looking at her sadly, and then the other interpretation occurred to her.
"How old is he, Elisif?" Inga asked softly. "Is he sixty yet?"
"Next year, I think," Elisif whispered, feeling the blood drain out of her face. "Oh gods, you think he might die!"
"Everyone does in the end," Inga sighed. "Even him. Elisif, he won't last forever. If you want him, or even think you might, go for him and do it soon. I think if you tell him everything that happened here, everything with you and Torygg, he'll understand and not rush you. But if you want him – go and claim him. He's shutting you out because you said no and he doesn't want to upset you by pushing things or get hurt any more than he already has been, not because he doesn't care. He probably cares too much. He'll likely need persuading you mean it, but if you do mean it and you're honest with him... Elisif, you're beautiful, he won't hold out for long."
Going home and cuddling Madanach and not letting go. She still wasn't sure if it was a good idea... but by the Eight, it didn't feel like a bad one either.
In the end, Argis and Elisif spent what felt like several days in Sovngarde. Elisif knew she should leave, but it was so peaceful here and she didn't want to take Argis away from Inga nor did she want to say goodbye to Jordis, who rarely left her side.
She didn't see much of Torygg, only in passing, and he stayed well away from her. That saddened her too. He'd been the centre of her universe and now he wasn't... and she didn't know how to feel about that. Guilty. Unhappy. Sorry. Not sorry at all. The dragon in her could feel nothing for a man who'd built his own strength on keeping her weak.
The woman in her missed him.
But days passed and they were like strangers still. Until finally she looked up from her mead to see him standing there nervously.
Jordis got to her feet at once, as did Inga, placing a warning hand on her son's arm, and across the room, Elisif could see even Ulfric getting up from where he'd been lounging back on Galmar and approaching.
"Hey. Pretty boy. Move along and don't bother the High Queen or I'll really give you something to think about," Argis growled, flexing his fingers and cracking his knuckles and Elisif had no doubt he meant it.
"Argis. Leave it," Elisif sighed, getting to her feet. "I think we do need to talk. Torygg?"
Torygg nodded, not meeting her eyes, and motioned for her to follow him to a quiet corner. Word was clearly getting around because everyone else took one look and made excuses to be elsewhere. Elisif followed him to the Hall's steps but did not sit down.
"What is it?" she asked, folding her arms. "I'm not taking you back, you have to know that."
Torygg flinched but did not argue.
"Listen, Elisif, I've had some time to think," Torygg sighed. "This place is good for that. You either spend all your time drinking and fighting and getting some, or you end up thinking. And I've been doing a lot of that. I don't know if I'd have done anything differently, and I still don't think I had any real option but to fight Ulfric that day. He wasn't there to negotiate, Elisif, he only had one aim in mind and that was war."
Which was probably true, but that didn't mean it hadn't torn her apart, and it didn't change the fact he'd left her completely unprepared for life without him.
"Perhaps," Elisif said quietly. "But you still left me, Torygg. You left me all alone, and I could forgive you but... damn it, Torygg, I didn't know anything! Not about being Jarl or High Queen and suddenly I had all these dignitaries looking at me expecting me to magically have the answers and I didn't have a clue! Because you never got me involved in any of it, you'd always change the subject. You know all the other Jarls came to your funeral, right? Even the ones who later backed Ulfric. They came to pay their respects. And if I'd known what I was doing, I might have been able to persuade them to stay with me. But I didn't and they must have taken one look and decided they'd rather have a competent ruler. Even Balgruuf didn't commit to my side until after he found out I was Dragonborn!" Elisif willed him to understand. Her anger had faded a little, but by the Eight, he'd left her a complete mess and no skills to deal with any of it!
"I know," Torygg said guiltily. "And I'm so sorry, Elisif. I didn't want to hurt you, I didn't want you to have to deal with any of that! Because I never saw Ulfric's betrayal coming, I didn't think you'd ever have to. I didn't think you'd ever want to be involved or need to be. You certainly never asked."
"I got brushed off and talked over whenever I tried," Elisif said bitterly, remembering the early days of her marriage, and getting a definite sense of Istlod, Torygg and Falk shutting her out of discussions of anything important, patting her head and telling her not to worry about such things, it was all in hand. The few occasions she'd tried being a bit more insistent, she'd felt the chill in the air, the ranks closing, Istlod staring her down and Elisif slinking away feeling ashamed for even asking. She'd learnt not to bother after that.
Torygg at least had the decency to lower his eyes.
"I don't think we treated you that well, did we?" Torygg said, his voice low and quiet and definitely more submissive than she'd ever seen him. He'd never been domineering or arrogant, no, but he'd had the confident air of a man born to rule, who'd grown up knowing he'd be king one day.
He didn't look that way any more. He'd been King... and he'd screwed up, dead within six months of taking the throne. Now she was the ruler, and she'd not only avenged him and stopped the war, she'd killed a god. She even had the Crown.
"I think you treated me more like a pet than a wife," Elisif said tersely. "Not badly... but not like you should have done. Not like you actually respected me. And now I'm a Dragonborn hero who's going to be a legend and you have to respect me and take me seriously, and you've got no idea how, have you?"
Torygg didn't answer, and Elisif could feel the tears coming back. Damn him, damn him to Oblivion, how could he ever have loved her if he didn't even see her properly?
"You're not the woman I married any more," Torygg finally said. "And you're right, I don't know what to say to you or how to say it, because you used to hang on my every word, gazing up at me like I knew the secrets of the world and could do anything... and now you're the one saving me and killing dragon gods like you've been doing it all your life. Nothing I do is ever going to impress you again, is it?"
Elisif really was going to cry in a second. She thought of all the couples she'd seen in her travels. There'd been Cicero pirouetting up to Eola with a hand-made flower crown in his hands and cooing he'd made a pretty garland for his precious sugar princess and Eola, normally very self-contained and undemonstrative, had burst out laughing before agreeing to wear it and then cuddling Cicero and kissing him and whispering that was the sweetest thing anyone had ever done for her, thank you and Cicero had snuggled back and whispered that his pretty Eola clearly had been insufficiently tended to in her life and needed it making up for. Delphine and Brynjolf, and Delphine was even less romantic and demonstrative than Eola was, and while Brynjolf was no cooing and prancing Cicero, he regularly descended on Delphine, declared she was 'thinking too much, I can hear the cogs ticking from here, lass' and started snuggling her until she had no choice but to stop what she was doing and stare him down until he stopped. Or hit him with a nearby soft object, which would turn into a play-fight, which usually ended up in kissing and then Delphine shrugging and saying she supposed it could wait for half an hour... and then they'd disappear and half an hour would turn into three.
Vilkas and Ria, who appeared to have something going on, and while they didn't seem to be all over each other in public, had lots of whispered private conversations and long disappearances and then they'd be seen at dinner not saying much but just quietly holding hands. And Argis and Farkas of course, laughing and joking and swapping stories and knocking back mead like any two Nord warriors, and then one would stop and if it was Farkas he'd usually just come out and say something like 'Gods but you're really fucking sexy' whereas Argis was more likely to go quiet then say something a bit subtler like '… you're really cute when you smile'. And then they would cuddle for a bit... and then later they'd be seen in a dark corner with one shoved against the wall and both of them kissing and moaning and... yes, well, Elisif had had to go and lie down at that point, it really wasn't seemly to watch her housecarl with his boyfriend like that, but goodness it had looked intense.
Erandur and Aranea weren't a couple, not exactly, but the mutual attraction was there, a dark and desperate pulsing, love denied and resisted and turning ugly and painful, and it was horrible to watch but it was also undeniably real, a tie of love at its cruellest. And then there was Madanach. Deceptive, cynical, predatory Madanach, a hunter stalking his prey... but also a bright-eyed passionate optimist who'd never given up hope even when things had seemed hopeless, and who'd chanced everything on her. Maybe he was expecting payment for his trouble, but that payment had been political, not personal. On a personal level, he'd reacted to rejection like a grown-up and not let it hurt their alliance. And while she had a feeling he wouldn't exactly object to starstruck young women admiring and idolising him, she'd also learned from talking to Inga that what he really wanted was someone whose strength matched his own, someone who, when the doors were closed and they were alone, he could just rest in the arms of and not have to keep up the king persona any more.
She wondered if she'd ever seen Torygg without his king persona on. What she did know she'd never seen was any of her friends being anything other than who they were, and more to the point, none of them were expecting their partners to be anything other than who they were. Had Torygg ever known who she was? Had she even known the real Torygg at all? She had a horrible feeling the answer to both was no.
"You already impressed me when we first met, Torygg," Elisif said softly. "I loved you, you didn't have to keep trying. I'd have loved you anyway. Maybe not in the same way but I'd have loved you. I still could have loved you even now, you know... but I don't think you know how to love me any more."
"I don't," Torygg said, barely audible, and whether he didn't know how or just didn't love her any more, it made no difference. Elisif felt her heart snap in two... but she did not cry. The Dov did not cry in front of lesser creatures. And while it hurt, she could also feel something change, some weight shift and fall from her. Over, it was over, and she was free.
"I don't even know who you are any more," Torygg was continuing, and he looked awful, just awful, looked like he was about to cry himself. "But you were my wife once and maybe there's still something of her in there." He did look up then, strange half-smile on her face.
"I don't know who you are, but you're definitely someone I could respect and get to like. Elisif, I screwed up, I failed you, I know that and I'm sorry. I'm not asking your forgiveness... but when your time does come and you come back here... do you think we could get to know each other properly? As friends?" Hope in his eyes and Elisif honestly wasn't sure what sort of answer to give him. But it was something she could think about.
"Maybe," Elisif finally said. They'd been married for a good three, four years, that had to count for something, right? "So much has happened in the seven months since... well... It could be years before I come here properly and who knows what I'll have done then?"
"Founded a dynasty, sent the Dominion packing and started your own cult?" Torygg said, eyebrow raised and clearly not having given that any thought before saying it. Elisif couldn't help but laugh.
"They're not going to set up a cult to me," Elisif giggled. Torygg did grin at that.
"Don't be too sure. I can see it now, statues of you looking terrifying in the Jagged Crown, and fighting off Alduin. St. Elisif, Our Lady of the Slain Dragons."
Elisif felt her cheeks flush as she tried not to laugh, and this conversation was still breaking her heart... but if they could still laugh together, there might be hope. One day, after her time on Nirn was done. Perhaps.
Torygg had stopped laughing, his face falling.
"Elisif... you said it had been seven months since I died."
"I think so," Elisif said, scratching her head and trying to figure out the timelines. "Coming up to eight? It's been a while."
"Oh," Torygg said softly, looking like his heart was breaking all over again. "Elisif... the baby... you're clearly not still pregnant and I don't think you gave birth recently."
Elisif had actually forgotten. In all the excitement, all the worry, all the trying to save the world... she'd forgotten she'd been pregnant once. It felt like she'd been punched in the gut.
"I lost the baby," Elisif whispered. "After you died..." She couldn't say any more. Couldn't even think about it. Just the sorrow and the guilt... both for losing their child and forgetting the loss, oh gods, what sort of horrible person was she?
It wasn't your fault, her dragon blood whispered, sounding rather like Delphine. Elisif wasn't nearly so sure, and Torygg looked pretty cut up too.
"I'm sorry," he finally said. "I'm so sorry, Elisif. Are... are you all right?"
"How can I be?" Elisif whispered. "But I've had so much else to worry about, I've not really thought about it. At least it hadn't quickened yet. I'm young, I'll have more, right?" She saw Torygg nodding, still looking heartbroken, and realised that while she might have more, he never would, not now.
"Are you alright?" Elisif asked hesitantly, not sure if she still had the right to ask. Torygg lowered his eyes, shaking his head.
"No, but I guess I deserve it," Torygg said softly. And while Elisif wasn't sure she could entirely forgive him, she also couldn't forget she'd loved him once... and part of her still did.
Wordless, she stepped forward and held him in her arms, holding him as he cried, expressing all the grief and regret she'd already started to move on from.
You are stronger than him. Her dragon-voice again, and it was right, as it so often was. But unlike a dragon, she had every interest in protecting the weak... including her ex-husband. And so she held and comforted Torygg, and while she couldn't fix any of this (and part of her already knew it didn't want to), Torygg had been part of her life for too long, too intimately, to cut off forever.
A/N: OK, just one chapter after all... but I can promise another update a lot sooner than the over a month this one took. Hopefully a bit happier too - that last scene made me cry. Poor Torygg.
Anyway, next chapter is Elisif's return from Sovngarde and it's back to Windhelm where we find just what's happened in her absence. It's been interesting times back in Skyrim, that's for sure...