Disclaimer: No, i don't OUAT. So, ha! I can't be blamed for what happened in the mid-season finale!
For a second, I can't move, blink, or breathe. For a second, it's as if I've fallen asleep, and I'm back at the Enchanted Forest, frozen. For a second, my entire world stops.
Baelfire...dies...at dawn.
My brother, the boy who gave me shelter when I needed it the most, who stood up to Pan when I was under the music's spell. The boy who has made sure I never forget who I am. Dies.
No. No, this isn't happening. It can't be happening. Pan wants to break me, but he wouldn't go this far. Not so far that he'd kill Bae.
Around me, the Lost Boys are cheering, as if Bae dying is the best thing that could ever happen. I can only stare at Pan, as he holds my brother, torn between wanting to run from all of this, and wanting to stay for Bae.
Pan lets go of Bae, and gives me a look I can only interpret as a triumphant smirk as he reads my expression.
Oh my God. The bastard thinks he's won. He thinks he's broken me by planning to kill Bae.
I don't think at all as I let my anger flow out of me. I imagine Pan flying back, away from my brother. I can practically feel the force of my magic leaving me. Suddenly, Pan is falling through the air, and onto the ground. He lands hard, and all the Lost Boys stop cheering, as they realize what just happened. What I just did. Pan stirs, and gets up, but his bravado is gone. Still, his smirk remains.
I remember the mermaid's words. The more I fight, the more he wants to break me.
Well, he wants a fight? I'll give him one. He is not killing Bae!
Felix is still so surprised, I am able to easily pry myself free. I run at Pan, not caring that I'm unarmed, or that he has the boys at his beck and call. This is Bae. And he is only killing Bae because he wants to hurt me. I am not letting happen. I wouldn't let him have Abby, and he's not having Bae either.
I throw myself on top of him, and punch him in the stomach, and I'm almost pleased at the sharp gasp he gives.
"I came to you for this?" I shout at the top of my lungs, before throwing another punch, this time to the face. Pain erupts in my fist, but I don't care. "So, that you could kill him?"
Before I can do anything else, Felix grabs me from behind and pulls me away. Pan gets up, but I can tell it isn't easy. I don't bother struggling against Felix, I know he's going to hold on to me. But if Pan thinks I'm going to be silent, he has another thing coming. I know Bae can hear me, and maybe by letting him hear me, he'll know I'm not abandoning him. Not yet.
"We had a deal!" I shout. "I stay, and he wouldn't be hurt. That was the deal, you lying bastard!"
The other boys are watching me, and I can tell they're waiting for Pan to end it. To explain why I'm wrong. But there's nothing he can say. He is breaking the deal that we made. I never said I would not see Bae again, so I technically never broke it, but the deal was that he would not be hurt. Pan is breaking our deal.
Pan walks over to me, and I want so badly to hit him again. To make him hurt as badly as he is hurting me. If it weren't for Felix, I'd probably punching him right now. But I can't do anything. I'm as helpless as Bae is at the moment. Because as long as he has Bae, and is threatening him, I can do absolutely nothing. And I can tell Pan is loving it. I can see it in his eyes. He enjoys that he is able to stop me from hurting him, from doing anything. Once again, he has control over me, just like he did with the music.
"I'm only doing what is best for you, Vin," says Pan in a pained voice. He reaches out, and gently touches my face, and I have to resist the urge to vomit. "That's all we are trying to do. Look out for you. We can't let him hurt you, or us, anymore, Vin."
He is acting so kind, so concerned, I would almost believe it if I didn't know what he was, and what he'll do to get what he wants. He gave up his own son for youth. He will lie through his teeth, and convince the boys that he is doing what is for the best. Just to get to me.
I jerk myself away from his hand, and I glare daggers at him.
"We both know that's not true," I snap. "We both know the real reason you're doing this. You know that I haven't broken yet, and that he has been helping me get through it. But I did everything you've asked me to. I threw your knives, I made your magical objects. I even obeyed your stupid cursing rule. This is just you trying to hurt me through him, you son of a bitch!"
Pan sighs, and I can tell he's putting on the act for the boys. If it was just us alone, he would have dropped the act, smirked, and taunted me on how I can do nothing.
"Don't you see what he's doing, Vin?" he asks. "He's corrupting you, turning you against us. He's convinced you that I'm trying to hurt you when I'm not. He's-"
"He's done nothing, and you know it!" I shout, cutting him off. "I was the one who snuck out to join him. I was the one putting up the fight. You want to hurt someone for that, hurt me. But not him, he had nothing to do with it!"
Pan looks down, and gives out another sigh.
I can't believe it. He's turning himself into a misunderstood victim. Someone who is being treated unfairly, and who is no way at fault. What's more, he's turning me into a victim as well. A confused, brainwashed girl, who has been unknowingly led astray.
"I know you don't understand, Vin," he says, sadly. "But, in time you will see why we've had to do this. We only want you safe, and this is our only option."
With that he turns to Felix, a hard expression on his face, as if he doesn't want to do this, but must.
"Take her to the younger ones' place," he orders Felix. "Make sure it's empty, and make sure she stays there until this is over. The rest of you, take away our prisoner, and lock him up until dawn."
Felix starts to drag me off, and for a brief second, Pan lets his act drop. For a second, I can see the grin on his face, as he knows that I can do nothing.
"You gain nothing from this, you motherless son of a bitch," I call, struggling a little against Felix. "You want to break me so badly, but the only way you'll ever break me is if you kill me."
Pan ignores the comment, and I can see the boys starting to take Bae away.
No, not Bae. They're going to kill him. They're going to kill him!
"No, Bae!" I shout, suddenly panicking.
If they take him away, I know I won't see him again. I won't be able to help him, I won't be able to do anything.
"Bae!" I shout again, trying to struggle out of Felix's grip. "Bae, I'm coming."
Bae stirs slightly at me calling him, and he shouts something incoherent through his gag. I start to twist like an eel, and Felix has to all but carry me into the tree where the younger boys sleep. He sets me down, and I immediately get up, and try to run out. To get back to my brother. To stop this before Pan hurts him again.
Felix grabs me by the shoulders, and grips me tightly when I struggle against him.
"Stop," he commands, but I ignore him, and try to twist out of his grip again.
"Stop!" he repeats, this time with a lot more force. "It's over, Vin. You can't change it. I know you want to, but you can't."
Like hell, I can't. If he'd just let me, I could get my brother out of this mess right now. If he'd let me!
I start to direct all my anger at Felix, this one barrier who stands between me and Bae's freedom.
"Why are you letting him do this?" I demand. "He's going to kill him, and you're just okay with that? I thought you were my friend!"
Felix looks me in the eye, and I can't make out what he's thinking. It's almost a mixture of determination, anger, and small bit of stubbornness.
"I am," he replies. "More than that, Vin, I'm your brother. I know you care about Baelfire, but he will only lead you to pain and misery."
That's a load of crap, I think angrily.
"Is that you talking or Pan?" I ask, challengingly. "Because I could have sworn he said the same thing to me three minutes ago."
I see a flash of hurt in Felix's eyes, but it passes as quickly as it came.
"It's not just you, Vin," he insists. "He has already to caused us to lose so many of our brothers, when he betrayed us to some stinking Indians!"
He finishes the sentence with such anger, that I'm taken aback for a moment. I did not realize how much he felt about Bae. And the Indians. The Indians who were all killed when Bae tried to save them.
"From what I hear, Pan was going to betray the Indians first," I argue. "Bae was only trying to save as many lives as he could. He didn't think the Indians would attack."
"He chose a bunch of filthy savages over us," snaps Felix, gripping my shoulders so tight, I can feel his nails digging into my skin. "We took him in, gave him shelter and food, and he betrayed us. He let so many of the people who looked after him die that night."
He doesn't understand. He just doesn't understand. Bae wasn't betraying them. He was didn't want to be on Neverland in the first place. He was being held prisoner, not sheltered.
"And he's regretted it ever since!" I shout, trying to make him get it. "And he wouldn't have run in the first place if Pan hadn't had him kidnapped, and taken from his family."
"He obviously hasn't regretted it enough," replies Felix, blatantly ignoring my last comment. "Because now he has been keeping you hidden from us for all those years, and even when you came back, he still would draw you away from us."
Again, I can't help but wonder if that is Felix talking or Pan.
"Why would you even care?" I ask. "You resented me for all those years because you thought I helped kill your brother-"
"But then I learned the truth," Felix snaps, before I can finish. "I learned the truth, and I realized that Pan was right: you really are our sister. The younger boys? They were miserable until you came back. If we lost you now, we would never get by."
And how does he think I will feel if Pan kills Bae? If he thinks the boys won't get by without me, their sister, how does he expect me to get by without my best friend and brother?
"Please, Felix," I say, pleadingly. "You know what it's like to lose a brother. Bae means as much to me as Sebastian did to you. If I lose him, if Pan kills him...you know what it will be like for me. Please, Felix, don't let him do it. Don't let him kill Bae. I'm begging you, as your sister, don't let Bae die."
For a fleeting moment, Felix pauses, and I hope that I've gotten through to him. That he sees it the way I do. But, then he blinks, and shakes his head. I feel my heart sink.
"You're right," he says. "You are my sister. And that's why we cannot let Baelfire live."
With that, he lets go of me, and pulls back. Before I can say or do anything, he leaves the tree, and slams the door behind him, leaving me in total darkness.
No! I can't stay here. Not when my brother is in danger.
"Felix!" I call, trying to open the door. It remains closed. I pull on it, but it remains locked.
"Felix, let me out!" I shout, pounding on the door. "Let me out of here! Don't do this, Felix. Please, I'm begging you! Don't do this!"
There's no response. I try pushing on the door, hoping it will give way with the extra weight, but it does nothing.
No. No, this can't be happening. He's going to kill Bae. He's going to kill Bae to hurt me. He's going to kill Bae.
I try to imagine another door, like I did when the night I left the younger boys behind. Nothing happens. I try again, and again, concentrating with all I can, but nothing happens. It's as if Pan is blocking my magic to prevent me from getting out. At this realization, I feel hysteria rising inside of me.
He's going to do it. He's going to kill Bae. He's locking me up, as if I'm back in my cage again, so that I can't rescue the person who needs me the most. I was never this helpless, even when Abby was in danger. Even then, I could do something. Now, I can't do anything. I can't save my best friend, I can't get out of here, I can't stop any of it from happening.
I give way to the hysteria, and let it loose. I don't know how long I pound against the walls of the tree and the door, begging to the others to not do this. How long I scream, and holler, raving and cursing Pan and every Lost Boy. How much I throw things across the tree, against the wall. Just random things, that I imagine, against the wall, even though I can't see a thing.
When it finally does end though, I'm still in the same position as before. I can't do anything. I can't help him, not while I'm trapped here. I'm just useless.
I slump down against the wall, defeated. As I do, I feel a sharp jab in my side. I look over, and feel the coconut candle I took from Bae's cave earlier. I forgot it was there.
Lots of good it'll do now, I think bitterly.
Still, I could use some light in here.
With a small sigh, I pull the top off the coconut, and imagine a flame on the candle. A small flame lights it, and I set it down beside me, so that it casts my shadow against the wall of the tree.
I want to cry, but I know I shouldn't. Crying won't help Bae.
So, what can I do? Pan has me locked in here. He has all the Lost Boys convinced that keeping me locked up in here is for my own good, so they won't let me out. Then, even if I did find a way, how would I get Bae out of this? Why did I even bring him into this in the first place?
I should have stayed in the cave. I should never have allowed myself to give into Pan's threats, and pretended to be Vin. The Shadow would have protected us, and Bae and I wouldn't have that shock curse over us. And Bae would not be threatened again. Not because of me.
It is because of me, I think miserably. Pan will kill Bae tomorrow, because of me. His blood will be on my hands, because I was too damn stupid to believe Pan would keep our deal. I may as well have killed him myself.
No. I can't think like that. If I do, then Pan wins. He'll kill Bae, and then I'll be broken. That's been his plan all along. Using Bae against me to break me, just as he used Abby against me.
But, what can I do? I'm sort of trapped here.
I sigh, and pick up the candle, absently putting the top over it. The light immediately goes out, and is replaced with small star-like lights on the ceiling. Absently, I pull it off, and my shadow reappears on the wall in front of me. Almost mechanically, I put the top back on, and my shadow vanishes, replaced by the stars. I open it up again, and my shadow reappears.
It's like I'm putting my shadow in its own cage. It can't get out, but can see glimpses of freedom. And, once it's let out, it will be willing to do anything to not go back into it. I know the feeling. That was me when Pan put me in my cage. I wonder if that's what its going to be like when the barriers to my soul are broken.
I guess all of me has a cage now, I think, leaning my head against the wall. Me, my soul, even my shadow.
Wait…
I sit up, a small idea blossoming inside of me. I put the top back on the coconut, trapping my shadow. I open it again, and it reappears instantly.
Locked away, it will do anything for freedom...a cage for a shadow…
That's it!
I stand up, eagerly, and imagine the changes to the candle, so that it will suit my needs. If I can just draw Pan's shadow out...yes, this could work…I could save Bae. I feel a small thread of hope, all from one little candle.
Now, all I need is to get out of here, and this could work.
Almost on cue, I hear the door open, and I look to see Felix coming in, looking somber. I feel that thread of hope grow even more, but I say nothing. Instead, I assume an angry look, and glare distastefully at him.
"What do you want?" I ask, keeping my voice from giving away too much. "Come to gloat?"
Felix sighs, and shakes his head.
"Come with me," he says.
What is he doing? I thought Pan said for me to stay here? Is he really defying Pan for me?
"Why?" I ask.
"You'll see when you get there," replies Felix evenly. "Now, are you coming or not?"
This could be it. This could be my opportunity to save Bae. If I can get out of here, then find Bae, I can use the candle, and get him out. But I can't seem too eager. If I do, if I give it all away, then they will definitely kill Bae.
I blow out the candle, and casually put it back in it's pouch, all the while acting unsure and cautious to Felix. I can't let him know what I've got planned.
"Alright," I say, stepping out of the tree with him.
Felix doesn't say a word, but leads me away from camp. I get the feeling that I know where he's leading me, but I don't say a word. We walk in silence for a little while, before we arrive at a tree, which has two Lost Boys are guarding. Somehow I know that this is where my brother is. This is where Bae is.
Felix nods to the boys, and they step aside. Felix opens the door for me, and I'm pretty sure my heart is thumping way too loud.
"Felix, is this-" I start, wanting to confirm that this is where Bae is being kept.
"You have five minutes," says Felix, cutting me off. "If you stay longer than that, I will drag you out, and back to the younger ones' place."
I nod, trying my hardest not to let the eagerness of my plan show. I can get him out. I can save him. Five minutes? That's plenty of time.
As I'm about to duck in, Felix reaches out and stops me.
"Vin," he says warningly. "Pan was against this from the start. He is only allowing this because I asked him to let you see Baelfire. And I only asked you because I owe you for staying with my brother. If you do anything, if you try to help him escape, both of you will suffer the consequences."
Like that will happen! Of course I'm going to help him escape, screw the consequences.
"I understand," I reply, forcing a small smile on my face. "Thank you."
Felix nods, and allows me to go in.
I almost stop at the sight in front of me. Bae is chained to a tree, with two manacles attached at his wrists. His blindfold and gag are gone, but in the small shaft of moonlight that enters the tree, I can see he is bruised and bloody, just as he was the night he was tortured. Before, when Pan had him on display, he was holding his head high. Now, he is slumped against the tree wall, like I was moments ago.
My brother. One of my first friends in Neverland. The one who only wanted to escape magic, and ended up being brought to an island full of it. The one who was willing to risk his own safety, to save the indians. The boy who gave a naive girl shelter when she had no idea what she was doing, or how she was going to escape Neverland. This is what he has come to.
Because of me. Pan will kill him, because of me. Unless, I get him out now.
"Bae?" I ask, the word almost catching in my throat.
Bae stirs at my voice, and lifts his head.
"Jess?" he asks, his voice hoarse. "What are you doing here?"
I want to reach out, touch him, let him know it will all be alright. That I'm going to take care of him, just as he has taken care of me all these years.
But, there's no time for that. Even if I do, we'll only be shocked, and he'll be in more pain. No, right now, I need to get him out of here while I have the chance.
"What do you think?" I ask, bending over him, inspecting his manacles.
I bite my lip at the lock. Six-pin lock. I haven't mastered those yet, but with luck…
"Alright, hold still," I say, imagining the set of lockpicks I've been using. "I'm going to need to concentrate."
Bae does exactly as I say, remaining in complete silence while I focus on picking the lock on his manacles. One pin down...two...three...four...
"How are you even doing that?" asks Bae, as I take down another one.
"It's all...in...the...tumblers," I reply slowly, working on the last one. With the last word, the manacle opens with a click.
I shoot Bae a grin, as he lowers his freed wrist and inspects it while I move onto the other wrist.
"So, what's the plan?" he asks.
"You'll think I'm crazy," I reply, as I get the next pin down.
"I'm scheduled to die at dawn," Bae points out. "I think we need something crazy if we're going to get out of this."
He has a point. Still, I don't think he means crazy to this degree. Only one way to find out, I guess.
I open his second manacle, and he rubs his wrists, waiting for me to explain.
"We're going to capture Pan's shadow," I explain, waiting for the bomb to drop.
"What?" Bae all but shouts.
Instinctively, I raise my hand to his mouth, cutting him off before he gives us away with his loudmouth. Naturally, as soon as my hand makes contact with his skin, we're both shocked, and have to pull away from each other. However, he seems to understand why we need silence, and we both wait for a minute to see if the guards realize something's up. When nothing happens, Bae turns to me with wide eyes.
"Are you crazy?" he asks.
Well, guess that answers that question.
"A little bit," I reply, shrugging.
Bae gives me a look that tells me that this isn't the time for jokes. Ah, well it was worth a shot.
"Listen," I say. "I've got something that can trap it. If we can draw it out, I can get it, and force it to take you to safety."
Bae pauses, looking doubtful, and I think I hear one of the boys coughing outside. Has time run out? Are my precious five minutes already gone?
Please, be okay with this Bae. Please, just trust me.
"Alright," Bae finally says. "This is probably the stupidest thing we've done, but alright."
"Oh, come on," I say, attempting at humor again. "You've broken into Pan's camp twice to rescue me. We can't cut it much closer than that."
Bae gives me a look, and the barest hint of a smile.
There we go! There's a smile.
"So, how are we going to get it to come to us, and how are we going to get out of here?" I ask, looking at him. "We're a little away from camp, but there are three outside, and I don't think I can take them down."
Bae's eyes light up, and I can tell he has an idea.
"What if we don't?" he asks. "What if we get them to stand down without them attacking us?"
I nod. The idea does have merit, and I don't want to hurt anyone, anyway. But, I don't think Felix is going to allow it to happen. Anyway, they're probably prepared to fight, just in case I didn't listen to his warning.
"How are we going to do that?" I ask.
"Think about it, Jess," Bae says. "Pan has them convinced that I've been corrupting you to turn against them. Say, I manipulated you into freeing me, but you told me there was no way to get past the guards, so I found a way to get around them…"
"...By doing exactly what they would think you would do, and taking me hostage?" I guess.
Bae nods, with a grin. It is insane, and thought up just on the spot. Just as he and I like it. I toss him one of my knives, and turn around for him. He grabs my matted hair, which doesn't shock him, and jerks it back, positioning the knife against my throat. For safety's sake, I make the knife blunt, so he can press it against my neck without hurting me.
"Make it convincing," Bae hisses, and I nod.
I assume an expression of what I hope is convincing terror and betrayal, and let out a scream. Bae yanks my hair, jerking my head back, pressing the knife harder against my neck, as the two guards and Felix rush in, weapons poised to strike. They stop dead in their tracks the moment they see me and Bae.
Both of the guards look to Felix, unsure of what to do. I let out a small whimper, as Felix looks from me to Bae.
"Let. Her. Go," he says, his voice low and dangerous.
"I will," replies Bae, coolly. "Eventually. Let me walk out of here, and she goes free."
Felix gives Bae a look of complete loathing. If the situation wasn't so desperate, I'd be impressed with how much he cares.
"Do you really think Pan will let you go?" asks Felix. "Do you think he'll let you go free, after you threaten to hurt Vin?"
"Pan can do what he wants, if he can find me," Bae replies, evenly.
Wow, he's good at this. If we hadn't set this up only minutes ago, I'd be convinced.
"I trusted you," I whisper, throwing in my bit. "You said that-"
"I said what I needed to get out of here," snaps Bae, cutting me off. "You were just stupid enough to believe me."
I let out another whimper, and make a choked sound, as if I'm sobbing.
"Your choice," says Bae, turning back to Felix. "I walk free, and she lives, or you take me captive, and I slit her throat. I don't think Pan would like it if I killed his sister, even if I was caught in the process."
Felix glares at him, and I can tell he wants so badly to hit Bae over the head with his club.
"Felix," I whisper, in a small, helpless voice. "Not for me. Please."
Felix looks away from Bae to me. I can see by the look in his eyes that he's afraid for me. Good. That means we've got him convinced.
"To think you let yourself get tortured to keep her safe," Felix mutters. "Only to threaten her now."
Crap, I hadn't thought about...wait a second. He knew? He knew about Bae getting tortured? I had always assumed Pan was the only one involved, but Felix had a hand in hurting my brother? Of almost killing him?
If it weren't for the act, I would go and...I'm not sure what I would do, but I'd make sure Felix wouldn't like it.
"I did what I had to to get her loyalty," Bae replies. "I didn't think she was going to go back to you and Pan, just because I got a few cuts."
"Lying bastard," I mutter, not sure if I'm talking about Felix, or acting for Bae.
Bae simply presses the blade harder against my throat, and I let out a small cry of fear.
Alright, you know what? Screw safety, we're making this convincing.
I imagine the knife to sharpen, but just enough to cut me slightly. I feel a small drop of blood run down my neck, and I can almost feel Felix's eyes follow it.
"Alright!" snaps Felix. "We'll do it. Just let her go."
I feel a small thrill of hope. Bae is out, but we'll still need Pan's shadow for this to work.
"I will," Bae replies. "But not right now. I have no reason to believe you won't hurt me if she's safe."
Felix's eyes flash with hate, and the guards look just as anger.
"Walk," Bae orders, pushing forward on me.
I start to, which isn't easy with a knife at my throat.
"F-Felix," I stammer as if between sobs, as Bae and I start to leave the tree. "T-Tell P-Pan to s-send the one who f-first brought me to N-Neverland. Oh, God!"
I don't see the look on Felix's face, so I don't know if the message came through. I just hope it wasn't too cryptic.
Bae doesn't say a word until we're out of the tree, and far enough away that they can't see or hear us. I'm sure Felix is rushing at top speed to tell Pan that I'm Bae's hostage, but that doesn't buy us much time.
"What now?" asks Bae, dropping the knife, and handing it back to me.
I hear a shout, not too far away, and I get the feeling Pan's shadow won't be the only one following us.
"Run," I reply, and without hesitation, Bae and I take off.
Even though we're still not out of danger, even though we still need Pan's shadow, I still can't hold back a smile. Bae and I on the run, dodging Lost Boys, fighting for our lives. It's just like old times.
I'm not sure how far we get before a familiar twisted feeling washes over me, as I sense Pan's shadow approaching. The guy didn't waste any time, that's for sure.
"Bae, this is it," I say, coming to a halt. I immediately grab the candle from its pouch, and open it.
"Is that-" Bae starts, recognizing the candle. Before he can finish, though, something swoops down and pins him against the tree. I don't even need my sixth sense to know what it is. I won't forget Pan's shadow in a million years.
Now, I tell myself. Light it now!
"Hey, glow-eyes!" I shout, knowing it can understand me. "Let him go!"
It turns, just as I imagine the candle lit. It only stares at the flame for a split second, and I feel my heart stop. Did it not work? Did I do something wrong?
Suddenly, it starts struggling, as if resisting some unseen force. It drops Bae, and is suddenly pulled back, as if being sucked away towards the candle. Without any warning, it is sucked into the flame, and I put the top on, trapping it inside.
I can feel it's anger and fear from within the candle, and I can't help but smirk. I wonder if Pan can share emotions with his shadow. If he can feel what his shadow feels at this exact second.
If you can, Pan, then this is what it's like, to be locked in a cage. You can't do anything, and you don't know when you're going to get out. And you will do anything to escape.
Bae struggles to his feet, and I run over to him, looking him over for anything broken or sprained. But, thankfully, he's alright. He's survived worse, to be sure. He looks down at the candle, realizing what's inside, and what it means.
"You did it," he says, as if he can't believe it.
I want to reply sarcastically about his faith in me, but it has been too long and tiring tonight.
"Yeah," I reply, with a small smile. "Yeah, I did it."
For a second, Bae and I just wait, catching our breaths. Just one small second of peace. But it passes, and Bae speaks up again.
"So, now what?" he asks.
I look from him, to the candle, and its prisoner within.
"This thing is going to take you to safety," I reply, holding up the candle.
Bae gives me a confused look, and I grin, before turning to the candle. Even though it isn't Pan, it still feels good to have power over the thing that first took me away from my sister, from the life I knew. That brought me to Pan when he made me drink the water.
"Alright then," I say, putting the coconut up to my mouth, so the shadow can understand what I'm saying.
"I know you don't like it in there. Trust me, I get it. Try spending three days locked up in cage, some time. But, I'm not going to be that cruel. So, here's what's going to happen: first of all, you won't tell Pan what has happened tonight. You do, and you'll be sucked back into the candle. And this time, I won't let you out, but I'll throw you into a fire-pit, and barbecue you."
The shadow stirs from inside, and I can tell it's not happy about the arrangement.
Well, deal with it. I wasn't happy about being taken away from Abby in the first place, and now I'm stuck on Neverland forever.
"Next," I say, not willing to waste time. "You're going to take Bae, and you're…"
I trail off, as I look at my brother again. His bruised and bloody face. I suddenly remember how he was when Pan tortured him to find me. He almost died for me. And Pan would have killed him again tonight to break me. I remember when he brought me back to the cave when I almost drowned. How he almost had his shadow ripped out.
He has been chased down, sometimes for me, sometimes as revenge for the Indians. He hasn't done anything, but Pan has made the Lost Boys believe he has. Even if I tell Pan's shadow to take him to safety, it will only be temporary. Pan will never stop looking for him, just so that he can break me. No matter where he goes on Neverland, no matter where he hides, Pan will always look for him, and hunt him.
I now realize what I need to do. What I should have done the moment I realized how far Pan would hurt him to get at me.
"You're going to take Bae out of Neverland, and back to the Land Without Magic," I say.
Bae's eyes widen as he looks at me.
"What?" he asks, stepping in front of me. "Jess, no."
I don't want to do it. I have already lost so many people here. I have lost Abby, Hook. Bae is the one that was there when I needed him. Who took care of me when I was alone. But I swore to him I'd get him off Neverland, and that is what I'm going to do. It is like it was with Abby. I could abandon him to be chased down, or help him go free. I don't know why I didn't see it a long time ago.
"Bae, you know he won't stop," I say, looking at him, meeting his eyes. "He was going to kill you tonight, just because we kept seeing each other. He tortured you to get to me. Whether to break me, or to get back at you, he won't stop hunting you until you're dead."
Bae looks at me, and all I can think about is that stubborn kid I had to punch to draw the Lost Boys away from his cave.
"Jess, if I go, Pan-"
"Won't kill me," I finish for him. "He needs me for something, remember?"
"But-," he starts, still trying to protest.
"Bae!" I interject, cutting him off. "Don't you see it? I'm terrified. You are the only person who has kept me from truly giving in for all these years. Without you, I would have either broken, or killed myself. But, you are my brother. I will take whatever comes next, if it means that I'm able to save you."
"You shouldn't have too," Bae points out, grabbing my hand. We both instantly pull back at the shock. "You shouldn't have to go through this on your own."
He's right. I shouldn't. But if life was fair, I would be back home with Abby, not trapped here in this hell-hole for all eternity.
"Bae, think about it for a moment," I say, looking at him. "Think of why Pan was going to kill you. To get to me, just as he used Abby to get to me. He's not. Going. To. Stop. Not until you're dead, and I'm broken. Maybe I shouldn't have to go through this on my own, but I prefer giving it a try, rather than knowing that you died because of me."
But if he goes, says a voice in the back of my head. You'll slip. You'll give in. You'll either become Vin, or kill yourself to stop it.
It doesn't matter. I never mattered, when it came down to it. Not really. It was always about my magic, not me. But if I can save Bae, if I can save my brother, then maybe my fight will actually mean something.
"Jess, if I go," Bae says, quietly. "What are you going to do?"
I shrug, as if it isn't a big deal.
"Maybe keep up the act a little while longer," I reply. "Maybe hide out with Tink. Maybe go back on the run again, on my own. You'll be alright, and that's what counts."
Bae looks at me, and he can see that I mean it. He's leaving Neverland, tonight, even if it kills me.
"Bae, this is the hardest thing I've ever done," I murmur. "Please, do it. For me. Escape, so that Pan can't use you against me anymore."
Bae is silent for a moment, and I can almost hear my heart pounding, waiting for his answer.
For me, Bae. Do it for me.
Bae meets my eyes, and I can see that he hates it. But there is also a resigned surrender as well. He knows that he has too. To save himself and me, he has to go.
"Do it," he mutters, and I feel tears pool in my eyes.
He's going to do it. I'm going to lose him, to save him.
"Okay," I murmur, forcing the word out of my throat.
Oh, God. I don't want to let him go. He's my brother. I don't want to lose him too.
But I need to. This is the only way to save him.
Without another word, I open the candle. The shadow comes out, and almost reluctantly, reaches out and takes Bae's hand. Just as it did when it took me, it starts to fly off the ground, so that Bae hovers briefly beside him.
Oh, God, this is it. I'm losing him. I'm never going to see him again.
"Bae, wait!" I say, suddenly reaching out, grabbing his sleeve.
He looks down at me, and I can see a brief hope that I've changed my mind. I haven't. I wish I could, but I can't. I need to save him again.
"When you get back…"
I can't say it. I can't make myself say good-bye.
"F-find Abby," I say, forcing back tears. "Tell her that I'm alive. That I love her just as much as I did when I was taken. That I won't forget her, and that...that I'm sorry I couldn't fulfill my promise."
Bae nods, knowing exactly what I mean. That I could never escape. That I could never get back to her, like I promised.
Do it, I tell myself. Ask him to do this one last thing, for yourself.
"And," I say, choking out the words. "When you remember me, don't remember me as Vin the Lost Girl, or-or as Jess, the girl pretending to be one of Pan's, who almost killed herself. Remember me as Jess Lancaster, the girl who gave up her freedom for her sister...and...and her brother. Swear to me, Bae, you'll remember me like that. Not as Vin, but as Jess!"
I'm surprised at the emotion that's coming out, and I can't stop a tear from falling.
Bae grasps my sleeve, so that he isn't shocked.
"I swear, Jess Lancaster," he says. "I'm never going to forget you."
I know he means it. Because that's my brother. My stubborn, magic-hating, perfect brother, who survived with me.
"I love you, Bae," I murmur.
He nods, knowing that I don't mean romantic in anyway. He's my brother, and always will be.
"I love you too, Jess," he replies, and I can't suppress a smile through my tears.
I don't want to let go. I don't want to lose him too. I don't want to say good-bye.
I feel my fingers release his sleeve, and he releases mine. Without another word, the shadow and Bae fly off, at top speed.
They are almost out of view when I hear a shout, "I'm never going to forget you, Jess."
Then, they are gone. Just like that, he's gone.
The only person who has taken care of me for the last ten years, is gone. My brother, my best friend, is gone forever. Because I let him go.
I finally let it go. I let myself collapse on the ground, burying my face in my hands, letting my tears pour down. I let myself sob, not caring if the Lost Boys find me like this. I don't care anymore. Why should anything else matter?
Even when I lost Abby and Hook, there was Bae. There was my brother.
Now, he's gone, and I'm alone. For the first time, I'm truly alone. And that's how it's going to be for the rest of my life, as I'm trapped on Neverland.
He's free, now. He's safe.
But I'm alone, now and for the rest of my life.
A/N: So, while I can't be blamed for what happened in the mid-season finale, I can be fully blamed for what happened in this chapter.
A special thanks to camila. correa.142240, Sparkplugs, VVAgirl, mercenary2.0, CrossingtheDelaware, chinaluv, Bella166, Bor Vampire, Fire Kitty 12, and dancergirl829 for putting this story on alert, and to camila. correa.142240, Sparkplugs, VVAgirl, mercenary2.0, songwriter16, chinaluv, Fire Kitty 12, and dancergirl829 for favoriting it.
Also, thank you The Wolf Who Writes, sarah0406, fireman12468, scorpiongirl92, Taeniaea, LunaEvanna Longbottom, songwriter16, meguhanu, Tukie4, mercenary2.0, Elvira Silver, chinaluv, Kirsten, The white angel, twentyfour24, shootingstar1618, and Guest for leaving awesome reviews. And, as always, a special thanks to my great betas Can't-Escape-My-Fandoms and Uncommon fairy.
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