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As Color Fades Away

Chapter Thirty-Six

His throat was on fire. That was the first thing Lance realized upon waking. The second was the absolute pounding in his head and he let out a soft moan that only made the flames stretch higher.

What had happened?

He remembered… he remembered pain. There had been so much pain. And hands. Holding him down, restraining him. His breath hitched and the flames turned into lava encircling his throat and the moan turned into a keen. He tried to reach up, as if he could soothe the heat away, but his arms wouldn't move.

His arms would not move. Restraints. His mind flashed to straps and metal bars and a sickly sweet voice offering him a reward if he answered her questions. Someone was talking now, the tone hushed and he frantically struggled to loosen his hands; his feet, anything. He had to get free.

The restraints only tightened in response and no amount of twisting or pushing was loosening them. He had to get out. He had to escape.

If only he could see. Could he see? He couldn't remember. His eyes flew open and he was temporarily blinded by light, pin pricks dancing and making his head ache even more.

But…

That light. It wasn't purple.

That meant something. His head pulsed, but this time not with pain but a memory. Something wasn't adding up. Something wasn't right.

The voice was still talking and he forced himself to listen, already cringing in anticipation of Haggar's tones. But it wasn't her. It was masculine, but not as rough and deep as Theodek.

Hunk.

Just thinking the name brought a startling clarity to him and the voice turned into words, murmuring and afraid but soothing all the same. "— okay, it's me. It's just Hunk. Tu hermano. You're safe. Estás bien. Okay? I've got you. You're okay."

"H-hunk," he whispered, wincing as his throat scratched out the word.

"Oh thank God. You're okay. It's okay," Hunk babbled, and Lance relaxed into it. Even the restraints – arms, he realized, he was being carried – weren't confining now. "Can you open your eyes for me? I promise the lights aren't too bright."

Lance peeked one open and followed up with the other when the flash of pain didn't happen. It was still much brighter than he was accustomed to, but the Altean lights in pale teal down the corridor weren't overpowering.

He carefully tilted his head back then and was greeted with the concerned but relieved face of Hunk above, confirming his theory that he was being carried somewhere. Lance blinked up at him, too tired to do anything else after his attempted escape.

"Hey there," Hunk said hoarsely. "You okay?"

Lance managed a tiny nod, tucking his face up against Hunk's chest. The movement sent hot streaks of agony racing through him and his resulting moan wasn't quite swallowed back. But the burn was almost welcome. He was still so cold and now that the panic had subsided he was realizing just how much. He pressed more against Hunk, a veritable furnace.

"What… h-happened?" he rasped.

"We're heading down to the infirmary," Hunk told him, starting to walk again. "We got the collar off" – Lance's eyes widened and he felt a flicker of relief at the news, even though he couldn't confirm it for himself with his arms pinned in by Hunk – "and your fever came down enough so we're going to get you into a pod. Coran and Pidge already went ahead to get them prepped and Shiro is getting Keith. Allura's at the bridge making sure all of our defenses turned back on now that the crystal is charged."

Hunk sensed the question and answered before Lance had to talk past the magma still boiling in his throat. "Keith is going to be okay. I promise. You just worry about yourself, all right?"

He knew Keith was going to be all right. Keith was strong after all. But the fact that he'd been hurt enough to need a pod made guilt roll in his stomach. Keith had said… he'd said that it wasn't Lance's fault. But he'd been angry too.

Lance let out a tiny sigh and buried his head even more against Hunk. He didn't want Keith to be mad at him, but it seemed no matter what he did he always messed up. He needed to apologize again. Properly. And maybe Keith could forgive him. He knew Keith really didn't like him all that much, but like it or not Keith was still a part of Lance's family. And Lance wanted to make amends so hopefully Keith wouldn't hate him for all of this. He had never wanted anyone to be hurt because of him.

"Almost there," Hunk encouraged, interrupting Lance's train of thought. "You'll be feeling better in no time, promise."

"You'll stay?" he whispered, hating how pathetic he sounded but needing to know. Ice was curling in him at the thought of Hunk leaving.

"Of course," came the warm assurance and the icy rope lessened its hold ever so slightly so he could breathe again, albeit painfully. Removing the shock collar had helped, but every breath still hurt. He hoped Hunk was right and he'd feel better after the pod. He honestly wasn't sure what it was like to not hurt anymore. Would he even be able to feel anything?

He concentrated then on just breathing, soaking up what comfort and heat he could from Hunk as they traversed the hall. Hunk's gait was steady, but still every rise and fall sent little tremors racing through him and he couldn't wait until they reached their destination.

But then he'd have to go into the cryo-pod. It was nothing, he tried to reassure himself. Absolutely nothing to be scared of. He'd crawled through the vents all on his own, right?

Just thinking about the vents though made his lungs seize and the hallway narrowed, transforming into dark metal and shafts of purple light. He had to be quiet. They'd hear him. They'd find him. And then…Then…

"Lance, breathe, it's okay. You're safe. Come on, take a breath for me."

And Lance blinked, the encroaching vents fading to be replaced with the spacious hallway of the castle.

"There you go," Hunk said, voice dripping with relief. "Are you with me?"

Lance felt his face flame as he realized what had happened. "Sorry," he mumbled, ducking his face against Hunk's chest again.

"There's nothing to apologize for," Hunk chided gently.

Lance disagreed but was too tired to protest. No matter what they might say, he knew it wasn't really true. And once he was healed and still this terribly pathetic mess they'd know too. Shiro had called him brave. And strong. He so, so desperately wanted to believe that was true. But he hadn't been brave back there or strong. At the end… at the end he'd just wanted it all to be over.

He recalled following the transmission the gut-wrenching pain of actual defeat as his last hope was shattered to pieces. If Haggar had put forth any effort into tearing into him he didn't think he'd have been able to hold her back. Not for long enough. Not forever. He had failed them. He'd failed himself. What was brave and strong about that?

Haggar and Theodek were right. Hot tears pricked his eyes. He wasn't worthy of being a Paladin. He never had been. He was just a cargo pilot who didn't deserve to advance. Just a poor boy from Cuba that had tried to shoot for the stars but had crashed and burned instead. He should have stayed in the cargo division. He wasn't meant to be anything more.

He hoped… he hoped he could still stay on the castle. Not as a Paladin of course; Blue deserved better. The universe did. But maybe he could help Coran with keeping the castle afloat? He was good at cleaning. Or manning the shuttle to retrieve supplies as a cargo pilot should. Apparently he was much better at that than being a defender of the universe.

A traitorous tear slipped down his cheek. Hunk must have seen, because the arms about him tightened ever so slightly and Hunk murmured, "I've got you. It's going to be all right," and Lance appreciated it but Hunk had no idea that everything would never be all right again.

Still, he would take it. He knew at least Hunk would never leave him. That reassurance was enough to fight back any remaining tears. His best friend, his brother, had been with him through nearly everything. He knew who Lance was. And he accepted him, flaws and all. If he had nothing else, having Hunk by his side would be enough.

"We're here," Hunk said quietly. "You ready?"

Lance responded by pressing his face even more against Hunk. He wanted to feel better, but he didn't want to go in the pod. And as much as he hated the restraining nature of being carried, he felt safe in Hunk's arms. He just wanted to stay there.

But then Coran's voice was ringing out with, "Ah, there you two are. Right on time. Number Five and I have just about finished prepping the pods."

Footsteps approached and Lance had to remind himself that it was just Coran. And that he could see now and verify that for himself. Tentatively he pulled his face free of the blanket and cracked open an eye, still somehow expecting it not to be real.

But Coran was just a few paces away, orange moustache and hair unmistakable, and a smile on his face that could not quite hide the absolute exhaustion etched into his skin. The guilt flared up again. Had Coran gotten any sleep because of him?

"Hello there, Lance," Coran said gently. "How are we doing?"

Lance knew he should respond, but all he managed was a blink. It hurt too much for anything else. Coran understood though and gave him another soft smile. Lance wished he could return it, but his lips refused to curve upward. He closed his eyes instead, each lid feeling like leaden weights.

He was just so tired.

"We're going to forgo the cryo-suit," Coran told Lance as Hunk walked them both across the room towards the pods. "That should make it a little easier for you, hm?"

"Uh, Coran?" Hunk asked as they neared the pods. The vertical, upright pods that required their occupants to stand. Lance's feet were in tatters and even if they weren't Hunk knew that Lance lacked the strength left to stand for any period of time, no matter how short.

The lines in Coran's face deepened and Pidge came to stand at his side, also looking upset.

"We tried to rig one to go horizontal, but the cryo system is too involved in the current arrangement," Pidge said apologetically, casting her gaze to Lance, who had his eyes closed but did appear to be listening. "I did disassemble some of the gelpacks though used for the filtration since they contain viscoelastic and combined it with some of the tecrea compound—"

"—and made memory foam!" Hunk exclaimed, eyes widening in excitement and Pidge shared his grin. "Oh, that's brilliant!"

"Something close enough," Pidge said. "It should pad your feet, Lance, for the couple seconds before the cryo kicks in and help support you. We've lined one of the whole pods with it all along the base and sides so it ought to be pretty comfy."

Her gaze flicked to Hunk as Lance didn't make any move that he'd heard her, concern growing as Lance's head seemed to almost loll against Hunk's arm.

Small was not a word she associated with Lance. It's what they often used to refer to her. And while she thought Lance had appeared smaller in Allura's huge bed (anyone would, really, except maybe Shiro or Hunk), draped in Hunk's arms he wasn't just small; he was lifeless.

His limbs were still long, legs dangling over Hunk's arm although a blanket kept them from moving too much, and his body took up all the length and then some of Hunk's sizable torso. But he wasn't moving. There was no animated motion that made up Lance, no mischievous tilt to his mouth or sparkle to his eye.

He was so tired he couldn't even keep them open despite his earlier fear of not being able to see at all. The only motion he seemed capable of making was a shiver or a shudder and even that tiny shake seemed like it might blow him away. He was so thin. He'd always been lanky, but this was beyond that. Gaunt. She wondered if he'd had anything to eat since he'd been captured. No. Probably not. Her stomach twisted around the snacks she and Allura had brought up to the room.

Lance shouldn't be like this. He shouldn't be lifeless. It wasn't right. It wasn't fair.

But when had life ever been?

"Hey," Hunk gave Lance a barely discernible squeeze. "You with us?"

Ocean eyes cracked open and Pidge released a sigh of relief that he was still responding. She'd be even more relieved when he was in a pod and on his way to healing.

To her surprise, Lance actually jerked in Hunk's arms, his eyes flying wide and looking past her as if he'd seen a ghost.

"N-no," he whispered, voice sounding like he was talking around jagged glass and Pidge winced in sympathy. "I… no…"

"What's wrong?" Hunk murmured while Pidge and Coran both turned around, half-expecting to see something looming up behind them. But the only thing on that part of the room were the cabinets of supplies, a sink, a tucked away cot, screen for changing and… the metal examination table that had some bloodied bandages and what looked like a few pieces of Red and Black Paladin outer armor.

She'd seen enough movies to understand what such a sight might mean to someone who had been tortured.

"Shit," Pidge swore, racing for the table as Lance's desperate pleas sounded behind her, too loud in the quiet room.

"S-stop… I won't… I w-won't…"

"Lance, it's okay," Hunk soothed, turning them to face away from the table. "It's all right. Estás bien. I'm right here."

"Don't t-touch me…"

Pidge crashed against the table, realizing a tick too late that it was melded into the floor. Quiznak!

"N-never… I'll... never…"

Coran though had a little more foresight and he arrived a few moments later behind her, arms laden with the screen that generally hung along with all of the bedding from the cot. The two of them made quick work of throwing it over the table and disguising the sheen of metal. Pidge felt like she was going to throw up as Lance continued to choke out protests, but swallowed back the acid bile. Not again.

Hunk's voice was the main one now, soothing sounds talking over the little whimpers and rasps that were emitting from Lance. He'd sunk down to the floor, pillowing Lance to him as the boy continued to struggle in his arms.

"You're not there anymore," Hunk whispered, a tear tracking down his cheek. "You're safe now. I'm here. I've got you."

He was aware of Coran and Pidge seating themselves carefully next to him, but kept his eyes trained on what he could see of Lance's face that wasn't pressed up against his chest. Fresh blood was dripping down Lance's neck and disappearing into the blankets wrapped about him for the trip to the infirmary and he had gone a shade paler beneath the still flush of fever.

That was the scene Shiro and Keith stumbled into.

"What happened?" Shiro asked, skipping all pleasantries, but keeping his gait steady as he supported Keith, the smaller Paladin only on his feet due to Shiro's assistance.

"The table," Pidge bit out, jutting her chin in its direction.

"The table?" Keith repeated, not quite following. It was a table…

Shiro though looked stricken. "Did… did I leave anything out?"

"Some armor and bandages," Coran replied, "although right now they're beneath the sheet. I believe it was the exam table itself though that caused such a negative reaction. I had not even thought about it in all of the pod preparation. That was my mistake."

Exam table…? And Keith finally got it, eyes widening. His gaze darted to Lance, who seemed to be awake if not quite responsive to Hunk's murmurs. "Is Lance…?" he managed, not sure what word to follow that up with. Okay? Definitely not. Awake? With them?

"Lance?" Hunk said gently in answer. "Can you hear me?"

He felt the tiniest of nods against his chest.

"Do you know where you are?"

"Castillo," came the whispered reply.

"Good," Hunk murmured.

But Lance shook his head. "Soy patético."

"No," Hunk protested vehemently, hating how Lance shrunk back at the higher tone but unable to take it back. He could feel the confused looks around him but he paid them no mind. Right now all of his attention was on Lance and making sure he understood. "No. You are not. This is…" Normal for what he'd been through? A sign of PTSD? "You went through a lot, Lance. It's okay. It's going to take some time to feel better. Just don't say that about yourself, okay?"

He received little sigh in return and Lance turned his face back into Hunk's chest, the movement sending another thin scarlet rivulet down his neck.

Hunk turned his troubled gaze to Coran and the advisor nodded, his own eyes tracking the fresh blood and new stains on the bandages.

As was Coran's earlier assessment, trying to change Lance's feelings about the situation wasn't likely to work while he was this exhausted and still in so much pain. Shiro's words had gotten through when they really needed them to, but they couldn't expect Lance to just completely accept them, even though Coran dearly wished he would. But no; between Haggar's poison and Lance's own self-doubt, of which this experience could only have made worse, he wasn't ready to believe them. Not yet.

And the best thing they could do right now was pop Lance in a pod and heal him. Once at least the physical injuries were taken care of – and Coran prayed with all his might that the boy's hands and feet could be saved – they could focus on his mental wellbeing. He had the feeling that would be the true challenge.

"Let's get those pods going," Coran said, rising to his feet. "Number Five, can you assist Number One and Number Four?"

"S-sure," she said, shooting one last worried look at Lance who had gone so still now from his frantic struggles just moments ago. She wasn't entirely certain what had freaked Hunk out so much, and she cursed her lack of knowledge of Spanish. They were really lucky that they had Hunk to act as a translator.

Keith looked ready to protest, but Shiro's weary, "let's go," silenced him and he allowed Shiro to guide him over to one of the prepared pods that Pidge gestured to.

"You shouldn't be in too long," Pidge said, "just about three hours according to Coran."

"And Lance?" Keith asked lowly, watching as Hunk very carefully stood up with Coran's assistance. Lance didn't react at all.

Pidge worried her lip. "Coran isn't sure. He said at least a quintant though. If it's any longer we may have to remove him prematurely due to his fever."

All three of them turned to watch as Hunk murmured something to Lance as Coran removed the vein valve from his arm.

"He's going to be fine," Shiro assured both of them and found himself with two pairs of worried eyes trained on him. "I promise," he said, placing a hand on Pidge's shoulder and giving Keith's a light squeeze. "The best thing we can do right now is take care of ourselves so we can better help Lance, okay? So Keith, you ready to go in the pod?"

In answer Keith took a careful step forward and Shiro released his hold. The back of the cryo-suit he'd changed into was clinging in places to his back and Shiro winced as that likely meant some of the burns were bleeding again.

Keith didn't complain once though, and with a strength he pulled from somewhere, hauled himself into the pod on his own and turned to face them. "Ready."

"I'm going to go ahead and initiate the sequence," Pidge said, hand hovering over the keyboard as Coran had shown her. She mustered up the best smile she could at Keith and then tapped the close code.

"We'll see you soon, buddy," Shiro said as the door came down.

Keith managed a pained half-smile at them before the cryo covered the glass and he was lost behind a wall of frost.

"We should go," Shiro said quietly. Seeing her stricken look he quickly added, "We'll say good bye, but we don't want to get in Coran's way. Come on."

Lance was still nestled in Hunk's arm while Coran finished the last bit of sequencing for the pod, needing to take into account the higher body temperature. He appeared at first to be asleep, but his shoulders were too tight with tension that the ease of unconsciousness should have brought.

"Lance, buddy," Shiro greeted softly. "You still awake?"

A pair of blue eyes peeked open, rimmed with exhaustion so deep he appeared to have bruises beneath them. Above them Hunk nodded encouragingly.

"We're going to let Hunk and Coran help you right now," Shiro said. "But we'll be waiting for you once you're out of the pod."

"Lance?" Pidge whispered, her face nearly equal height with his. "Um…" What was she supposed to say? Feel better? That was lame. Um… "I think this is right," she finally said, wracking her memory for something that Lance might actually finding comforting in her very limited vocabulary. "Um… hasta luego."

He inclined his head – or it could have just been a shift, she wasn't sure – but she took it as the former. She managed a watery smile and then turned on her heel and left, Shiro right behind her.

That left Hunk and Coran with Lance.

"Are we ready, lad?"

The gentle tones had Lance prying open his eyes one more time, not even certain when they'd closed. Coran seemed to be waiting for an answer, but he had no more strength left to move his head where it was resting against Hunk's arm. So licking his lips he rasped out, "Sí."

He wasn't really ready. But he was tired of hurting and being cold and exhausted. If this could help… he should at least try. He could do that much.

"Alrighty then, here's what we're going to do," Coran said, his voice sounding as if far away and Lance forced himself to listen. "Number Two and I are going to maneuver you into the pod. You'll be standing for a few ticks, but Number Five's foam should assist in keeping you upright and ease the pain on your feet. It'll only be for… five ticks, I imagine, all right?"

"Mmm."

"Good lad. We'll be waiting right here for you once the pod finishes. You should be feeling much better then."

"H-hunk?"

"Yeah?"

"You'll…" he swallowed heavily. "You'll s-stay?"

"I promised, didn't I? I'll be right here."

"Kay."

"Okay then, on a count of three," Coran said, meeting Hunk's eye. "One… two… and three…"

In a movement so fluid it looked like they'd practiced it a million times before, Hunk released his hold on Lance's legs and Coran scooped them up as Hunk pivoted so he was slightly behind and diagonal to the cyro-pod.

Coran guided Lance's legs into the pod and Hunk eased his upper half in, Lance's shoulders near flush within the compartment thanks to all of the foam that lined it. The blue eyes remained tightly shut the entire time.

They opened wide though as his feet made contact with the ground and both sets of hands retracted, leaving him standing on his own weight for the first time in a long, long while. It didn't matter that there was foam. It hurt. A soft keen found its way out of his ravaged throat and he closed his eyes, as if that could stop the pain.

But the darkness made it worse. Now he could hear Theodek ordering him to stand and the feel the cold metal sliding beneath him as he was dragged from the table. It is time for your judgment came the hissed whisper and Lance's eyes flew open, the cold metal being replaced with the squishy, if frigid, interior as reality doused him again. He clung to it, open eyes drinking in the worried looking faces of Coran and Hunk standing outside the pod.

He stared at them as long as he could, even as his chest hitched with renewed pain and his body screamed at the pressure of standing and the cold – oh, it was so cold – seemed to freeze him from the inside out.

The painful feeling of icicles burning into his skin was the last thought he had as frost crept across his vision and he knew no more.

Outside the pod, Hunk and Coran were silent as the glass finally turned dark, indicating that the cryo had gone into effect.

"That could have gone better," Coran stated.

Hunk snorted, although there was no amusement in it. He didn't know what else they could have done, but seeing the absolute panic on Lance's face – another memory, no doubt – and his soft cry had torn down the little resolve Hunk had managed to build back up.

"Come," Coran said, placing a guiding hand on Hunk's shoulder. "We are all meeting in the common room."

"I can't leave him. I promised."

Coran shook his head. "I admire that, my boy. But you need to eat and get some real sleep."

"But—"

"Just for a little bit," he insisted. "For me?"

Hunk took in the lines on Coran's face, the droop to his moustache and the absolute slump of his shoulders. He didn't want to cause Coran any trouble. The man had enough on his plate. He didn't need Hunk making this hard.

"He'll… he'll be okay?"

"He won't be out for a quintant. I would never keep you away that long, my boy, but let us rejoin the others for a bit. We'll decide where to go from then, hm?"

Hunk cast a concerned look at the pod.

"You're sure?"

"I have my tablet with me too," Coran assured, patting his belt where it hung. "I'll monitor the status of the pods the entire time we're away."

"Just for a little bit," Hunk finally acquiesced, feeling guilt knot his stomach. He had promised Lance he'd stay, and he was already leaving? What kind of friend was he?

"Lance will understand," Coran said gently. "You need to take care of yourself too, Hunk. He would not want you becoming ill worrying over him."

He sighed. "You're right." And he knew it too. If Lance were thinking clearly he would insist that Hunk get some rest. He'd be back though. As soon as he could.

He allowed Coran to steer him towards the exit and his feet plodded on auto-pilot to the common room. To his surprise the rest of the team was waiting there, Allura included. She was talking quietly with Shiro while Pidge was curled up on one of the couches, the mice perched on her shoulders.

"How is Lance?" Allura asked as soon as they entered.

"Settled," Coran said. "I'll be monitoring the pods the entire time and…" he trailed off as Allura shook her head. "What is it, Princess?"

"You will not be monitoring anything," she said firmly. "You promised you would rest once Lance was in a cryo-pod."

"But—"

Hunk blinked back the déjà vu as he settled himself next to Pidge, who straightened up and the mice went back to the princess.

"No buts. You need the rest, Coran. All of you do." Allura turned to look at all of those assembled, meeting each set of eyes. "By order of the Princess of Altea, all of you are to report to the kitchens and eat a full meal. You will then proceed to the showers, clean yourselves up, and then to bed for at least a solid six varga."

As was expected, there was immediate protest.

"Allura, that is a bit steep of an order," Shiro said, managing to sound above Pidge's profanity laced declarations that she couldn't command them to do that.

But Allura just raised her chin. "Myself and the mice will watch Lance in the meantime," she said, "and be there when Keith wakes, upon which he will receive the same set of instructions."

"Allura, I promised Lance," Hunk said weakly. "I can't just…"

Her eyes softened. "Complete the first two for me then, Hunk. Then you may take your rest on the cot in the infirmary, if that is agreeable."

He gratefully nodded.

"Princess," Shiro tried again.

"No," she interrupted. "I am firm on this. We may be safe for now, but there is no telling if the Galra or Haggar have a way of finding us. If an attack is mounted we must be at our own physical best to push it back, and right now none of us are prepared for such an occurrence."

"How would they find us?" Pidge protested. "I set up the magnetic interference myself and you said the planet we're next to blocks all transmission signals!"

Allura pursed her lips. "I find it is better to be safe than sorry. While we delivered a significant blow to Zarkon's forces, Haggar may not be so easily stopped. We all agreed, did we not, that she has more than an interest in Lance. How do we know she will not follow? The Druids may have ways of tracking that we know nothing about and she could very well find our location. Now would be the time to strike when we are hurt, exhausted and down Voltron."

Silence rang in the room and Shiro felt a shiver shudder through him. He hadn't even thought… they'd rescued Lance. It was supposed to be over now, until the next time Zarkon tried to go after the Black Lion. That's how it always went. Battle the Galrans, leave, and then repeat at the next encounter. They hunted down Galrans; the Galrans did not track them (at least they hadn't since Shiro had gained the upper hand in Zarkon's claim over Black).

Her observation seemed to stun the others too, save Coran who had been thinking along the same lines. He had seen the possessiveness first hand, witnessed Haggar practically defy Zarkon's wishes to keep Lance. No, she would be coming. The only question was as to when.

"Lance can't know," Hunk whispered, stomach dropping. If Lance even suspected Haggar was coming for him, he would never heal. Hunk knew him. Lance would be so weighted down with fear of her and the guilt that they were in danger because of him that he wouldn't be able to move past it.

Allura nodded. "For now, yes. He is not currently in a state where knowing about this possibility will do him any good. I know it is a lot to ask, as honesty and trust will be large components of helping Lance to heal, but this knowledge will not help. We must keep it to ourselves until Lance is better equipped to handle such information. I believe he too will come to this conclusion, but there is no need for us to create undue stress and pain in the interim. Perhaps it will not even come to pass and we have nothing to fear."

Even as she spoke the words they tasted like ash. Now that the possibility had been thrust into the light, it was all too clear. Haggar would come. Maybe not for several days, maybe not for a month, but she would come.

"How do we stop her?" Shiro asked, voice heavy. They had no good plan on how to kill a Druid, especially one as powerful as Haggar. And if they didn't kill her she would just keep coming after Lance, and then possibly all of the Paladins for their quintessence. She was no longer just Zarkon's right hand. She was her own wild card with her own plans.

"I do not know," Allura murmured. "I… I do not know."

"I could have done it." Pidge's voice was small but the words echoed loudly in the room.

"Done it?" Shiro repeated, a new heaviness settling on his shoulders.

"Killed her," Pidge whispered. "I… I knocked her out. I was going to… I was going to…"

She shook like a leaf on the wind and Hunk, sitting next to her, was quick to pull her to his side.

"Pidge, what do you mean?" Shiro asked, thoughts tumbling over themselves as he tried to recall everything he had seen in that quick moment when he'd stumbled upon Keith and Pidge. He had a sinking feeling that this was the reason Pidge had been reluctant to talk about her role in the fight. She had…

"I knocked her out," Pidge said again. "And I thought… I thought if I killed her now then she couldn't hurt Lance anymore. Hurt anyone.

"I turned my bayard into a knife," she continued, eyes closed and leaning firmly into Hunk's embrace. Her voice still shook. "I… I should have stabbed her. But I… I couldn't. She was just lying there and it… it felt wrong."

Pidge looked up then, eyes brimming with tears. "I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry, Shiro. I should have done it. I should have killed her and—"

And then Shiro was there, kneeling in front of her and pulling both Pidge and Hunk into a hug. "Katie, no," he whispered, "No."

"I should have killed her," Pidge sobbed, hands clutching Shiro's shirt like a lifeline.

"No," Shiro said again, firmer. "No. You… you shouldn't have to do anything like that."

"She deserved it," Pidge cried, voice muffled against Shiro's chest.

"She does," Shiro agreed, earning a harsh intake, "but Katie… that doesn't mean you have to do it. I don't want you to have to make that call."

"But—"

Shiro shushed her. Hunk was shaking now too and Shiro hugged both tighter, blinking back his own tears. Not now.

"Pidge," Allura said gently, and Shiro was aware of the princess kneeling down next to him while Coran came around and placed a comforting hand on both Hunk and Pidge's backs, his own expression seeming to have aged even more in a matter of minutes. "Pidge, please look at me."

Honey eyes peered up, magnified by tears.

"Pidge, it is I who should be apologizing to you," Allura murmured. "You should not have to be in such a situation where you are forced to make a decision of that nature. You are young… all of you are. I am not in any way implying that you are not deserving of the role of Paladin. All of you are beyond strong and courageous and you embody the true values of what it means to be a defender of the universe.

"But you are young. And I believe you made the right choice for your own self. Your soul was not meant to be darkened in such a way, Pidge."

"But if I'd killed her," Pidge whispered, "then we'd be safe. Lance would be safe. And now he's…"

"We will find another way," Allura said firmly. "We will not allow Haggar to hurt Lance ever again."

"But if I'd just… If I'd just…"

"Katie," Shiro interrupted gently. "You didn't do anything wrong. Okay? Please believe all of us when we say that."

And Pidge sighed. Her stomach was still swimming and her chest hurt, but the guilt that had been clinging to her was lessened, somewhat, with Shiro and Allura's words. She should have done it, she thought. If she was given a second chance she would be sure to correct her earlier course of action. Still… still she was selfishly grateful that she hadn't done it.

"Lance wouldn't have wanted you to kill for him," Hunk added quietly, his own voice thick with tears. "He wouldn't want that, Pidge. You… you did the right thing."

And the last piece of sickness melted away with Hunk's admission. He was right. Lance would have never wanted her to get her hands bloody in such a way. Lance, for all he had suffered under Haggar, probably wouldn't have killed in such a circumstance either.

"Okay," she agreed tiredly, sagging into Hunk and Shiro's shared embrace. "Okay."

"We are all tired," Coran cut into the thick silence after a few moments. "Let us do as the Princess ordered for now. No matter what Haggar's plans may be, she is not likely to leave Zarkon now while they have endured such a loss. We have some time. Focus on yourselves and we will tackle this problem after some rest."

"All of the Castle's defenses are on high alert," Allura added. "The particle barrier is active and should anyone or any vessel attempt to come into our space we shall be well informed. No matter the circumstance, Haggar will not be boarding this ship without our knowing."

And that at least was a relief. It was as much as they were going to get right now in any case.

Shiro stood first, his knees cracking uncomfortably and earning a wince from Hunk. "Then I think it's time we all got some sleep. Food goo first and then everyone to bed. No electronics," he said, turning to Pidge who was rubbing her eyes. "You need the sleep."

Pidge just nodded but didn't deny the fact that she likely would have smuggled her tablet into bed to do some research on her own on how to stop Druids. She still needed to correct the situation. She needed to do something.

She frowned though soon after as Shiro's words sunk in. To bed. Her bed was all the way on the other side of the ship. She didn't want to be stranded down there if something were to happen.

And… she'd been bunking in Hunk's room the last few nights, but Hunk was going to be in the infirmary now and she doubted she'd sneak in under Allura's radar, nor did she want to cause the princess any extra anxiety. But she didn't want to be all alone. Not now.

"Hey," Shiro said, a hand descending upon her head and giving her hair an affectionate ruffle. "I can hear you thinking from here, kiddo. How about a sleep over? We can bring some blankets and pillows here to the common room."

"Yes, please," she choked out, hating how she could feel tears brimming with relief at the suggestion.

"An excellent idea, Number One," Coran said, a faint twinkle in his eye. "I have always wanted to experience these human 'sleep overs.'"

"Then it's settled," Shiro smiled, not even having to force it.

"Sustenance first," Allura reminded them. "Come, let us see what the kitchen has to offer."

"Food goo, I bet," Pidge muttered, but she gratefully accepted Hunk's hand as he pulled her to standing. She didn't let go of his hand either, dwarfing her own but bringing a comfort little else could.

Pidge's eyes wandered over everyone's faces as they made their way to the kitchen, each showing a bone-weary exhaustion and a fear that even Shiro couldn't quite hide despite his best attempts.

Everyone always said things looked better in the morning. Pidge wasn't really sure when morning ever was in space, but she hoped that sleeping for six varga was close enough to the expression.

Because they could all really use some 'better' right now.

xxx

Author's Notes:

Another long chapter, y'all. Blame Pidge. She really needed to get that off her chest. But given your response to last chapter, I highly doubt any of you mind the extended length :p And besides, we had quite a bit to accomplish. We've got Lance (and Keith) in cryo. Lance contemplating his future with the team and having some terrible flashbacks to torture tables and demands for information. And then the Paladins realizing that uh, yup, Haggar is going to be be coming. Time to get prepared, and that means rest and nourishment for all.

Also! For my non-Spanish speakers and why Hunk freaked. In very basic terms, in Spanish there are two verbs for the word "I am." Estar (estoy in first person present) and Ser (soy in first person present). Estar is used to describe how you feel and where you are (Estoy en la biblioteca (I am in the library), estoy feliz (I am happy)). Ser is used to describe set facts about yourself (Soy una gemela (I am a twin) or soy baja (I am short)). Lance went and used Ser to describe himself as pathetic. Not that he was feeling pathetic. That he *is* pathetic. And although Hunk isn't fluent, he knows the difference in the verbs and wanted to nip that right in the bud. Apologies for the super long paragraph; I don't tend to translate the Spanish (as most is generally self-explanatory) but this was sort of important.

Thank you as always to the lovely reviewers! Just to note; even if you've only got a second to leave a line or two I super appreciate it. Seriously. Your comments, big or small, really help me get through the day. Also. Um... THANK YOU FOR THE 2,000 REVIEWS! Hot damn, y'all!

This chapter the thanks go out to: Berrybanana05, CrispyFics, TheTheoryofFangirling, Sirrius The Moonblade, wingedflower, lovemelau, Guest, Oliviadbell, Justanangryfangirl, Rookblonkorules, Alexa, Guest, Belletiger BT, Guest, dragonrush, Stargirl720, Kenxi, WhiteTails, JustADamFrenchFry, imagine forevermore, Jadegem02, IceAurora, White Space Lion, LishaChan, HetaRosFangirl, Fireflame159, migrane, Shadow Gray, Pheonixwarrior123, DoctorMerlinReid, Starrr, Cats and violin, Cynthia of the Wallflowers, Adrianna Agray, Supergurkan, rwbygirl, saumya, PaintedWings45, StrawberryFever3, Spacenerd7, LeNolaNamiko, CRYING EGG ROLLS, Jennyfish26, Rachhecht and Finnesotan!

And I know this is getting long, but I have to share this. Guys. I have more absolutely beautiful, stunning, wonderful fanart. You spoil me so. You can see all of it via the gallery link on my profile. Please do go take a look and check out this immense talent! If you ever draw something and want to send it to me, my email is also listed on my profile up at the top.

Given the fact that season four is coming out Friday(afdjakfjkalfjdak!) I will not be updating then. Dios knows I can't compete with that :p So you get a nice long chapter to tide you over till next Tuesday. PLEASE do not post spoilers in comments or PM them to me until at least Sunday CST. I will not be watching the season until late Friday here and I will go Theodek-level of hatred on you if you spoil it. Just... yeah. Please don't spoil. I can't afford the lawyer for Theodek induced damages.

Please do go ahead and hit that little comment button down there and tell me what you thought! Thanks everyone and see you next Tuesday is a brand new post-season four world. I hope it's beautiful.