"Wow Name, thank you so much!" Lucina said, sparkles still twinkling above the Mark of Naga in her eye. She was as cheery as ever despite being carried out like a log by the Smash Security Wire Frames that Marth had called in after storming out. "I've never been so close to him! We held hands for fifteen whole seconds! And once, our hips touched! I can't wait to get back to my diary! I'm so inspired! My poems are sure to be genuine enough for publication in the Xenoblade Chronicle now!"

"About that," Name said, also being carried away by a male wire frame (who had been silently ignoring her flirting up until that point), "I helped you out, now it's time for me and Shulk."

"Great idea!" she wriggled with excitement, "If we visit Shulk now, he can help me workshop some of my creative juices. This is so much fun, Name! We should hang out more! You're like my best friend!" Name stared at the beaming girl with her dopey face and foxy grandpa cap and croaked out a noncommittal "hah". She would have to work fast. At this rate her Support Rank with Lucina was probably at a B. Who knows what would happen if they hit A together. She planned to grab Shulk and get out of there ASAP.

The wire frames tossed the girls on the floor like trash bags and the female one skittered a yellow citation down on a miniature clipboard, handing it to Name. "TRESPASSING AND DISTURBING THE PEACE!" it read. Lucina fretted over her note but Name was unmoved. Disturbing the peace? Boring. She already had that card. Several of them in fact, hung up on her wall in a mosaic with various shipping charts and nickname ideas drawn on them. She was holding out for the arson card to round out her collection. Her scuffle with Luigi yesterday had earned her that rare "MURDER" citation.

Lucina frittered away about nothing while Name nodded occasionally and "mm-hm"ed her way to Shulk's office. As they neared the door Name's eyes scanned the placard hanging next to it. "Xenoblade Chronicle! - Telling the Past, Changing the Future!" As she went for the doorknob Sonic burst out of the door and barreled over Lucina.

"Whoa! Hey, chiquita! We have to stop meeting like this! I'd love to stay and chat, but Shulk gave me a mondo important assignment! I have to count all the windows in the building for a bangin' article next issue! Lates, po-tates!" He zipped off, seemingly unaware of Lucina beneath him, who was now covered in a tire track.

"It took three weeks to sew this costume," she mumbled. Name walked into the flapping door and found Shulk doubled over a printer refilling ink cartridges.

"I'm really teal-ing it!" he said, topping off the cyan and green. He looked up. "Oh. I thought I foresaw you coming in. I was hoping I was wrong! Did you want something?"

"Yes Shulk, my love," Name stuck out her chest, "I have come here to confess my feelings for you. It's meant to be! I realized I was in love with you some time in between kissing Little Mac and kissing Lucario. Now how about you and I find somewhere comfortable and do something worthy of a cover story on one of those tabloids you find in grocery store check-out lines?"

"We only print professional news here." Name recalled the Little Mac article from earlier and raised an eyebrow. "Besides, I already told you, I'm not really interested. Sorry." Lucina wandered in, dusting off her pants. "Oh. I'm not quite done going over your poems yet."

"Sorry Shulk, but I think we'll have to throw those out!" Shulk did not protest. "I just danced with my prince for a whole half a minute and my mind is racing with new free verse. And it's all thanks to Name! She wanted me to tell her stuff about you so I could hook you two up!" This girl had all the tact and finesse of a horse with a wooden board nailed to its foot. "Name! I just remembered! Shulk said he was looking for new undercover reporters! You should apply!"

"What, Sonic's not low-key enough for you?" Name snorted.

"I'm trying to find out about…" Shulk glanced around suspiciously. "The King of the Smash Underworld. ..Y'know… Wario. If I could get someone to investigate his illicit dealings and get me the inside scoop, it'd be the story of the year! I'd be able to catapult the Xenoblade Chronicle into the next century! I'd call it Xenoblade Chronicle X! Tell you what, if you agree to get me some info on Wario, I'll go on a date with you. We'll see where it goes from there."

"Sounds like a plan!" Name said," I'm in."

"Me too!" Lucina chimed, "I can't let my best friend go into a dangerous place alone!" Oh no. Oh no oh no oh no oh no. "By the way, who's Wario?"

"Sounds good," Shulk said, shuffling through a box of disguises, "With Name's femme fatale charms and Lucina's… hat, you two should be able to get in there just fine. Now, I don't exactly know where the entrance to Wario's black market is but I know someone who does…"

About twenty minutes later Name found herself knocking on a shoddy wooden door decked out with Christmas Lights and a whiteboard reading "THE LAB!" scrawled in erratic marker. Name was disguised as a private detective in a trenchcoat and Lucina was disguised as Lucina in a foxy grandpa hat. The door creaked open and a familiar, vulpine face peeked out.

"Hey hey heeeeeey!" Fox cried, "Aw yeah! What're da ladies doin' at our humble a-bod-ee!?" Name mentioned that they were looking for Wario. "Yeah, yeah, maybe eyes knows somethin', maybe eyes don'ts! I might be willing to remember if you… slept with me?"

"One kiss, you don't tell anyone," Name offered. "One kiss, I tell everyone." "Deal."