Authors Note: Sorry for the long wait for an update. I want to say it's because it has been crazy and it has, fucking nuts, but that's not at the heart of why I haven't updated lately. I lost inspiration for about a month there. I never planned to quit the story, but I had no inspiration to write it either. Luckily about a week ago my muse came back to me for this and I was finally able to finish this chapter. I hope you all like it. If so, please consider leaving feedback – what you like, what you don't like. It lets me know what you guys think of where I'm taking the story. Thanks.
Worth Saving Me
Show me what it's like
To be the last one standing
And teach me wrong from right
And I'll show you what I can be
Haley hadn't even been home a full day before Jax and Gemma insist she get checked out by a doctor and make sure her injuries are the kind that will heal on their own. The swelling on her ribs was going down, but they were still tender and her throat still looked brutal but felt less raw. Jax had wanted to come while the Doc looked her over, but Haley and Gemma knew better. They knew any nurse or doctor would take one look at him and assume he had been the one to hurt her like that and that was and that would only complicate matters worse.
Gemma took her to a doctor in Stockton to further remove the connection with the club, but It had still turned out difficult enough for her and Gemma. Both the nurse and doctor had pressed Haley, they wanted names, to report the incidence, but Haley knew the game and refused to give them anything. She was told her neck and ribs would heal, but they needed time and she needed to take it easy.
Using the doctor's assessment to buy her more time, Haley laid low at Jax's place the rest of the week. She wasn't ready to face everyone, face what they thought of her now.
There was only one visitor who wouldn't take no for an answer.
Donna showed up on Jax's doorstep and refuse to leave until she got to see Haley. With Kenny on her hip, Ellie trailing behind Jax let inside, but once inside, he set the kids up with cartoons and took Donna to the side.
"Not the kids." Jax explained with a warning glint in his eyes. Trying to explain to Donna she should see Haley before the kids. "They shouldn't see her like this."
The look in Jax's eyes, his words, sent Donna reeling in a way Jax hadn't intended and had him quickly explaining himself further.
"She's ok, but you should see her first."
Leaving the kids with Jax in the Livingroom, Donna ventured down the hall, and found Haley quickly applying cover-up to her neck and face in the guest room.
Spinning to the door with the sound, Haley spots Donna. They stand there for a moment, frozen in time, taking each other in before Donna rushes to her. Engulfing her into a fierce hug. The embrace fills Haley's heart, she's missed her sister more than she even realized, but the pressure is more than her tender ribs can bear, as a whimper escapes her lips and Haley pulls back.
Fear is blinding in Donna's eyes as she pulls back and looks Haley over, wiping tears of joy off her face. A gasping breath rattles off Donna lips with the sight of the bruises spread across Haley's neck and the scab on her lip she tried to cover.
"If I had known you were in danger-" Donna starts, blaming herself for not telling Jax and the club where Haley was sooner.
"I'm ok," Haley jumps in, not letting her sister finish the thought, not letting her take the blame for a burden that isn't hers to bear.
Donna's eyes soften, because she can see what Haley is doing, but the fear never leaves her probing pupil as her gaze narrows upon Haley.
"Are you really?" Donna asks with a heavy breath.
"Yeah, I am." Haley reassures, pulling Donna in for a gentle hug.
Pulling back, Haley grabs the skull scarf off her dresser she had planned to cover up with before Donna came in, and ties it around her neck.
"I want to see the babies." Haley says, turning back to Donna.
Heading Jax's warning, Donna hesitates. "Are you sure?" She can see Haley's injured, even more so than she's letting on, and Donna doesn't want to add to that.
A smile finds Haley's face, emotion filling her eyes as she nods firmly. "I've missed you guys so much." She admits on a shaky breath before taking Donna's hand and giving it a good squeeze.
His cries pull her from another nightmare. His rhythmic wails echo off the walls. Most people begrudgingly rise form their beds wishing their baby had slept just a little longer, but Haley welcomes the escape from her own tormented mind.
"I'm here, It's ok, Abel. I'm here." She calls as Haley moves across the darkened room. Reaching his crib, Haley scoops the crying baby into her arms and nuzzles him close.
"Shhh, it's ok baby, it's ok." She soothes as she rocks him gently from side to side.
Swaying where she stands, Haley runs her hand softly over his hair as she places gently kisses on the crown of his head. Moving for the bedroom door to get him a bottle, Haley is surprised to find Jax in the doorway watching her. His form is cloaked in a mixture of light and shadow. Dressed in only low hanging sweatpants, he's mouthwatering. His defined chest and abs taunting her. The look in his eyes is indiscernible, but piercing. It momentarily takes her breath away.
She doesn't even notice the bottle in his hand until he moves to her, reaching for Abel.
"I got it." He says, lifting Able into the crook of his arm, before giving him the bottle.
"I don't mind." Haley reassures as she they stand in the dark.
"Get some rest." Jax's husky breath whispers as his free hand comes to rest at her waist and his lips briefly find her cheek.
The contact radiates through her, straight to her core as their eyes catch again in the dark before Jax moves to the rocking chair and leaves her with her longing.
Haley hears the sliding glass door open behind her and vaguely she wonders if Jax checked the bedroom for her and noticed she wasn't in there or if he just heard someone out on the patio when he was bringing the bottle the sink.
She takes a drag of her cigarette as he speaks up. "Thought you were headed back to bed." He notes as he moves to take a seat beside her on the cement patio step.
Haley shrugs her shoulders as she offers him a sideways glance.
"Me and sleep aren't exactly on good terms, if you know what I mean." Haley answers in a huffed laugh before taking another pull and stubbing her cigarette out.
"Thought Gemma said they gave you something to help with that?" Jax questions as he watches her in the dark, even though she doesn't meet his gaze.
Haley shakes her head. "I don't like that shit. Makes me groggy. I can't hear Abel when he wakes up." She explains, giving him the short answer instead of the long and complicated one.
Jax's hand lands on her knee, drawing her attention to him fully.
"It's not your job to hear Abel. That's not why you're here. You need rest so you can heal." He corrects her. Emphasizing a point, he's made more than once, she's not a nanny. Despite the picture Gemma painted, she's here while she figures things out, not to raise his kid.
Haley nods with his words. She knows how he feels, but she wants to help, and if she's honest, that's not the real reason she doesn't like the pills, doesn't like to sleep.
"I know, and I appreciate that… I guess I just don't really like to sleep, yeah know." She hesitantly answers. Revealing a battle, she's secretly facing. A war of the mind and her own memories that face her every time she falls asleep.
It's Jax who nods this time, because he does understand. He knows she's tormented. He cans see it in her eyes. He doesn't know how tormented or what horrors haunt her, but he sees the struggle she's waging.
Pulling a joint from the crevasse of his ear, Jax sparks it and takes a deep pull.
"Here," He says, passing it to her. The lit cherry glowing in the dark. "This'll help you relax."
Haley willingly takes his offer. Taking a deep pull, Haley holds it in her lungs until it begins to burn, before she lets the smoke dance past her lips. Her gaze returns to the sky above, the stars that cover it like a blanket. She'd missed that while down south. Too many lights, too populated. You couldn't see the stars, city life blinded them. She had missed their beauty, their endlessness and the way they could make her feel so small.
The weight on her heart, the sickness in her belly begins to quiet as the herb takes over, but she knows it will be waiting for her when she comes back down. It's that impending dread that has Haley finally opening up.
"I think I need to find someone to talk to. Like a therapist or some shit. Think it'd be good for me." She hesitantly confesses, there's too much noise in her head.
Been too much noise in there for too damn long time, but she's finally ready to face it, move past it, instead of running from it. Haley knows what Jax must be thinking. What anyone affiliated with the club would think as she turns to him, meeting his eyes.
"I know there's things I can't talk about. I understand that. I would never do anything to jeopardize the club-" Haley tries to convince Jax.
Jax cuts off her plea as his hand finds her face. "I think it'd be a good for you." Jax confesses as he meets her gaze.
The fear that had been building in Haley's eyes instantly dissipates with Jax's complete understanding.
"Yeah?" Haley asks, hardly able to believe he's not trying to convince her to keep her mouth shut, that he trusts her to be able to walk the fine line between her truth and their truth.
"Yeah." Jax confirms as a reassuring smirk curves his face into something sexy and irresistible.
Butterflies come to life in her belly with the sight of his crooked grin. Her heart feels mercy with his blessing for her to finally get something help. Seeing in his eyes she isn't alone, she's never been alone, Haley surrenders to what her heart is feeling.
Without a word, she captures his lips in a slow burning kiss. Getting lost in Jax in a way she's been craving since she last tasted his lips back at the motel. Her heart pounds with his touch, she melts against the feel of his thumb sweeping over her cheek, the pressure of his lips kissing her back.
Haley could have kept going, could have pushed for more, but it's Jax who puts an end to it. It's his lips that break their kiss and leave Haley wanting more. She feels Jax's lips find her forehead and kiss her tenderly before he pulls away.
Haley takes another pull from the joint to quiet the ache Jax's absence leaves. A long silence sets in and Haley wonders if he's considering leaving before he finally speaks again.
"Why'd you let that Russian get away?" He speaks up suddenly as if the thought had been nagging him for some time.
"What?" Haley asks as she turns to him, taken off guard by this sudden question.
His eyes find her again and this time there's a serious glint in them. "The day we got you back. You let that Russian go." Jax elaborates. "Why?"
Haley's gaze leaves Jax's and returns to the starry night sky as the memory revives in her mind. She doesn't want to see the resistance in his eyes as she revisits this. He doesn't understand.
"That guy looked out for me while I was held." She admits with a sigh.
"How?" Jax presses, not dropping it.
Her eyes dart to him. "That guy you took out. The one in the warehouse." She reminds him before the intensity in his gaze sends her eyes drifting back out to the night as she admits the hardest part.
"He attacked me. Tried to… tried to rape me. I fought him off, but there was nowhere to run. Oleg intervened, he stood up for me." Haley confesses on a shaken uneven breath. Trying her best to stay strong.
She can feel Jax begin to tense all over before she ever looks his way. Feeling his hands begin to flex at his side, his jaw tightens, she wouldn't expect anything less and yet it still pains her to see.
Haley wraps her arm around his as she brings her head down to rest upon his shoulder, nuzzling close to him. Turning her face into him, her nose brushes his neck as her breath dances against his cool skin.
"It's over. You fought for me, got me back, and made him pay. Please, I don't want this to haunt you." Haley pleads, trying to calm him, unburden him.
She feels Jax's hand find her thigh and slide up to rest upon her knee. She feels him knead the flesh and bone, trying to unwind.
Holding him close, Haley closes her eyes and breathes him in. The scent of leather still lingers on his skin and the scent of weed floats around them. Feeling him close, the warmth of his body, it relaxes her.
"Can I sleep with you tonight?" She whispers.
Jax squeezes her knee, his muscles slowly begin to relax with her request. "Yeah," He says. "I'd like that."
He had been so engrossed in his old man's journal he hadn't even heard her come in until her voice picked up right behind his shoulder.
"Whatcha reading?" Haley asked, looking down at the words typed across old faded white pages.
Startled by her sudden appearance, Jax shifted uncomfortable in his seat as he rapidly closed the binder before him on the tabletop.
"Nothing, it's nothing." He lied, he hasn't mentioned his old man's writing to anyone yet and he's unsure yet if this is something he wanted to share with her.
Something he can trust her with. A year ago Jax wouldn't have questioned Haley's loyalty, her trust, and while he still feels confident in the quality of her character, taken off guard- he isn't sure this is something he should reveal to her.
Abel nestled close to her chest, Haley stares blankly at Jax for a long heavy moment. Sensing his secrets, but unsure how to approach them. It's moments like this that Haley feels like she's standing on thin ice. Feels the distance her departure created with her and the people she loves. Haley tries not to let Jax's reaction feel wounding, but it isn't easy. Biting her lower lip, Haley forces out a nod and changes the subject.
"Shouldn't smoke with Abel in the room." She gently reminds him as she moves to open the kitchen window and get some air in. She doesn't think he should be smoking in the house at all, Gemma too, but that was going to be an uphill battle.
Agreeing with her, Jax stubs out his cigarette into the ash tray in front of him as the sight of Abel strapped down to Haley's chest finally registers on him. It was a strange looking thing, with straps of fabric all bound around in a way that seemed to secure Abel to her.
"What are you wearing?" Jax chuckled out through baffled eyes.
Looking down at herself, Haley couldn't stop the smile that found her face with the sight of his. She can only imagine how this must look to Jax.
"It's a wrap. I picked it yesterday. It lets me hold him and still have my hands free. Donna had one with the kids." She explains as her gaze drifts to the baby snuggled against her chest.
"Abel likes the closeness." She says, running a hand down his baby fluff hair before she gives his head a gentle kiss. The wrap les her hold him close, but also doesn't put too much pressure on her healing ribs.
"He likes being all up on your tits." Jax laughs, unable to resist.
Grabbing the dish towel off the stove handle, Haley throws it at him as he laughs unabashed. Their eyes catch as a smile stretches wide on her face and Jax's hearty laughter fills the room. Her heart quicken as their gaze holds. Making her wish she could close the distance between them, fix it, but she knows it's not that simple.
Hale looks away as she feels the moment pass. "I was going to make some eggs. You hungry?" She offers as she pulls out the frying pan, placing it on the stove before moving for the refrigerator.
"Sound great, thanks," Jax shoots her a panty dropping grin as he rises from the kitchen table, binder in hand before moving to the counter across from her to pour himself more coffee.
Haley's eyes linger on the binder he holds at his side. The sight of it eats at her. Not because she's dying to know what's in it, but because she wishes he trusted her enough still to just be honest about it. It was clear it held great value if he was going to keep it so close.
Turning to him fully, her eyes drift from the binder to the back of his head.
"Jax…" She finds herself calling. Her heart and quiet longing sending out the message more than her head.
He turns to her with her call, his eyes finding hers as he waits for her continue, elaborate. Haley's mouth open, but the words don't form. What can she say? What words are going to fix this, change this? What words will set her free? Her mind can't find the answers, but Jax's seems to hear her call all the same.
Moving to her, Jax gets in close, his hand finding her cheek as his lips touch the crown of her head.
His love sweeps over her as Haley reaches out for him, finding his tee-shirt, she grips at his toned waist. Trying to say without words she doesn't want to let go.
"I know, babe… I know…" Jax's husky breath whispers against her hair.
Haley looks up at him, her eyes finding his own, echoing the longing and need her touch is trying to convey. Begging him to let her back in. Simmering heat is waiting for her in his gaze. Intensity, power, and longing. It freezes her in his grips. Makes her putty in his hand. Begging and wanting for his kiss just as Jax puts her out if her misery, covering her mouth with his. Their lips hold in a slow melody, a quiet dance as Haley grips his side tighter and Jax holds her close. Drinking each other in until Jax pulls away.
Taking a step back, Jax takes his son's tiny hand. Abel's hand wraps around his dad's finger as Jax shakes it playfully, before giving his boy a kiss on his head.
"I gotta clean out some stuff from the garage. Holler when the eggs are done." He says, before turning for the door.
While Haley still felt she needed time before facing everyone, before getting thrown back into the mix, Gemma couldn't disagree more. As far as she was concerned nothing was going to heal that girl better than family. So she put together a family dinner for the end of the week. Everyone had to be there, no excuses.
In preparation, Haley slips on black leggings, a Samcro tank, and wraps her skull scarf around her neck to avoid unwanted stares. Letting her long blonde hair hang down in wavy curls, Haley gives herself a quick once over in the mirror before packing up Abel and heading out. Haley was nervous, but too stubborn to admit it when she arrived at Gemma's house with a diaper bag on her shoulders and Abel on her hip.
But her nerves slowly gave way as the guys arrived and greeted her with the love she's always known from them, no judgment, no reservations.
Tig engulfed Haley in big fatherly hug. "Good to see you baby." He said against the locks of her hair before pulling back.
"How you feeling?" Tig asked as he gently held her jawline, tilting her face ever so slightly to take a look at her neck.
"Much better," Haley smiled with his concern and big heart.
"He's lucky it was Jax that got to him first," Tig grumbled under his breath, giving her a quick kiss on her forehead before moving to see Gemma.
Chibs was the next to find her as she was getting the water boiling for the potatoes. Not wanting to interrupt the job Gemma's given her, he gave her a quick kiss on the crown of her head.
"Good to see yeah lass." He said as he passed through the kitchen.
While Bobby was all business with big hugs and insistent to know if Jax has been letting her get enough rest. Juice seemed preoccupied with the protest, deep in a conversation Haley could have sworn was about their balls.
The biggest surprise of the night was seeing Happy. It had been years since she saw him. Haley knows he's one of the more lethal members of the club. With some clear psychopathic tendencies, but for some reason, knowing all that always made Haley feel safer around Happy.
"Hey Hap," She called as he moved through the kitchen, a smile growing on her face as he turned to see her with a sly grin.
"You've grown up shorty. Good to have you back. Fuckin Russians, man." His gravel voice says as he pulls her into a side hug.
After being welcomed by the guys, Haley lets her guard down and finds herself really enjoying the night. Gemma's dinners were always a source of happiness for Haley. Growing up with Honey was unpredictable and since Honey has been estranged from her family since before Haley was born, the only real family Haley had was with Piney and the club. Despite the chaos that often followed the club, family dinners made things feel almost normal. And getting to enjoy them now with Abel, Haley feels like she's getting to past down that gift to another generation. Even though Abel isn't her own, Haley feels the responsibility of being part of his life.
Haley can feel Jax's eyes on her all night. Even when she can't see him, she can feel his piece gaze shooting clean through her. With a quick glance in the right direction she can find his eyes darting on her, keeping an eye on her. Haley had forgotten how safe that made her feel.
Glancing over her shoulder, Haley spots her old man deep in a conversation with Jax. Her heart pains as she watches him. She misses him, has missed him, but she's not sure how he feels about her, and part of her is afraid to find out. So she's kept her distance. It's the Winston way, pretend everything is fine and sweep it under the rug, but she doesn't know how to do that with him face to face, which left only one other option- keep your distance. So that's exactly what she's done.
"It's real good your home, baby." Gemma speaks up as she sides with Haley, grabbing another potato masher to help Haley with the steaming stack she's trying to reduce to mashed potatoes while juggling Abel on her hip.
Pulling her gaze away from her dad, Haley turns to Gemma. "Thanks Gem, it feels good to be home." She admits.
"It's good for Jax too. You're good for him." Gemma continues her motherly concern for Jax revealing itself.
In that moment Haley realizes Gemma thought she was staring Jax and not her old man.
"Yeah?" Haley asked, unsure where Gemma is going with this.
Gemma nods confidently before her gaze swept over the room, taking note of every person in it and exactly where they are before she leans a little closer to Haley. "Jax is going through some shit. It's good he has you to keep him on the right track." She confesses on a low breath.
Haley wants to take a step back, create some distance, but she can't without having to raise her voice and this is not a conversation she wants to share with everyone else anymore then Gemma does.
"Gemma, Jax and I aren't-" Haley starts, her voice lacking patience from years of repeating herself.
Gemma raises a hand as if to say, stop, before Haley can ever finish. "I know. You two have made that crystal clear. But you still understand the way things work around here. What he needs to be focused on." Gemma explains in that cryptic way that no one does better.
Haley knows Gemma worries, hovers, and pries where Jax is concerned, but she isn't sure what's behind this latest round of it. She can't decide if she thinks Gemma is just genuinely worried about something Jax is getting involved in or if she is just spinning some plan again.
"And what is that?" Haley asks, trying to figure how where Gemma is coming from with all this.
"Family. Nothing matter more than family." She answers with a smile as if the answer were obvious.
Haley stares at Gemma for moment, trying to weave her way through whatever is really getting to Gemma. Trying to see if this is just over concern for Jax or something bigger, but she can't solve the riddle. All she can do is nod in agreement, before Gemma darts off to stop one of the other old ladies from burning her pot-roast.
Haley's almost done preparing the mashed potatoes when Juice catches her eye as he passes through the kitchen. Their gaze meets and his step comes to a halt. His eyes smile as his face lights up.
"Hey." He says to her with a slight tilt of his chin.
"Hey," Haley answers back, a smile finding her face in return as she bounces Abel on her hip.
When she had left, things had been on strange terms between them. They had crossed a line they both knew they had no business crossing. After that things had been awkward and strained between them but standing before him now, Haley missed him and his friendship.
"How yeah feeling?" Juice asked with genuine concern, she can see in his eyes he's trying. He's missed her too.
"Better every day. It's good to be home. I appreciate you being part of the crew that got me back." She starts to answer, but halfway through she can see she's lost Juice. He's not hearing a word she says, he's not even present as his eyes lock steadily on something across the room. The look in his eyes is something hard to read, but void of the happiness she had seen a few moments ago.
Turning to follow his eye line, Haley spots Jax standing near the entrance of the Livingroom. There's a deep scowl on his face. The kind that has been put the fear god in men for years. At first Haley doesn't understand why Jax is looking at them in such a way, but then she realizes it isn't them he's looking at, it's Juice and only Juice.
Haley turns back to Juice just as he meets her gaze once again. "It's good to have you back, Hales." He nods, his eyes downcast and away from her own before he slips past her, heading for the backdoor.
Haley turns back to Jax as Juice disappears. Moving to him, she catches him before he can escape entirely.
"Hey," she calls, reaching for this arm.
"What was that all about?" Haley asks, completely perplexed by what just transpired. There were no problems between Juice and Jax when she left and she hates to see them fractured now.
The look Jax gives her as his steal blue eyes meet her own sends a shiver down her spine.
"Why don't you tell me." He bites out, before shaking his arm loose and storming off to the garage.
Standing in the Livingroom, Abel playfully kicking from her hip, Haley feels more unnerved than ever. He couldn't know, she tells herself. There's no possible way Juice would be that stupid. Juice would have to know he'd get his ass handed to him if Jax or anyone else for that matter found out. But as she watched the garage door shut behind Jax, she had a sinking feeling this wasn't over.
Juggling Abel on her hip and serving a platter full of mashed potatoes in her other hand, Haley maneuvers her way around leather clad men and scantily clad baby dolls on her way to the dinner table. She's halfway there when she feels another set of hands lighten the load, lifting Abel off her hip.
Glancing at her company, Haley spots Jax for the first time since he snapped at her earlier in the evening. He shoots her a small grin as he pulls Abel to his chest. Placing the platter onto Gemma's long dinner, Haley watches Jax move to leave out of the corner of her eye.
Jax," She calls before he can slip away, her plea causing Jax's feet to still and his shoulders to turn back her way as he baby-blues find her own.
"Are we ok?" She has to ask. After the words they shared before she needs to know.
It only takes a moment for a sexy smirk to fill his face and quiet her fears.
"Yeah Darlin', we're all good." Jax reassures with a smooth charisma no one does better.
The look in his eyes, the curve of his smile calms her even more than his words. She had feared there was more to their exchange. Feared he knew things that would only hurt him, but the brightness of his smile quiets all those lingering doubts. And lets her put to rest a moment that should have never come back to the surface.
Haley return to the kitchen to grab another dish to bring to the table when she runs into Clay. Grabbing a bowl full of gravy, Haley turns back and nearly slams right into Clay and nearly dumps the gravy all over him.
"Woah," The club president laughs as he swoops it out of her hands before the hot liquid can spill all over him.
"Sorry Clay, didn't see you there." Haley apologizes as Clay places the bowl back down on the counter before turning back to her with an easy smile.
"No harm done," He shrugs off with ease that Haley isn't sure how to interpret.
He helped get her home and for that she is grateful, but given the last conversation they had before she took off, Haley isn't sure where she stands with Clay. Offering him a respectful, but sweet smile, Haley moves to grab the gravy again before Clay reaches for the top of her arms and stops her.
"You know; I haven't had a chance to tell you yet how good it is to have you home. We're all real glad you're back, sweetheart." He grins down at her with a smile that she always adored as a young girl, but now Haley isn't quite sure how to take.
Haley lets him pull her into a quick hug, one she returns, because they're family and because he's the president of Samcro, but her guard is still up.
Pulling back Clay continues, "I know some of the guys were skeptical about you staying with Jax, sure your dad was too, but you guys have my blessing. Jax needs a strong old lady who understand the way the club works. Help keep him focused." Clay says, his voice casual, but something in his eyes as they drill into her reveals he's trying to convey something very important to him.
"Clay, I'm not Jax's old lady. I'm just staying with him while I figure some things out." She explains, more confused by his comment than ever.
Clay nods, his hand finding a home on her shoulder as his gaze lowers and locks onto hers. "Maybe you should rethink that."
Before Haley can answer Jax and Gemma walk into the kitchen, Abel wrapped in his grandma arms. They both stop, taking in the scene that must look as awkward as it feels for Haley.
"What's going on?" Jax is the first to ask, a hunt of edge laced on his voice.
"Nothin'," Clay forces out a grin. "Just telling our girl how glad we are to have her home." He lies.
Standing in the kitchen as they pile up the dishes before rinsing them off and putting them in the dishwasher, Haley stares out into the den. Abel sits perched on her hip as she lets him gum away at her index finger.
"You still haven't talked to him?" Gemma questions from just behind Haley's shoulder, surprising her, Haley quickly spins around to face her.
Haley's gaze drops for a moment. She hates that she hasn't made it right with her dad yet. She's only been home a little over a week, but having not seen him in a year, the distance feels heavy on her heart. She just doesn't know how to approach him, approach this. And if she's honest, she'd admit she was a little scared too.
"Not yet." Haley admits on a sigh as her gaze finally meets Gemma's.
"Go take care of that." Gemma pushes.
"I- I don't-" Haley starts to hesitate before Gemma jumps in.
"Hand him over." She practically orders as she reaches for Abel, lifting her grandson into her arms.
"You'll feel better once you do. Nothing is more important than family, you remember that." Gemma explains, giving Haley a prod before turning back to the dish, before Haley has a chance to come up with an excuse.
As Haley enters the den, Bobby and Chibs seem to take an unspoken cue. She never asked them to leave, she wouldn't, but they move back to the kitchen as if sensing her and her dad needed a moment, a healing.
Piney rises the recliner chair he had been lounging in as the others depart. The features of his face are set stoic and hard to read. Apprehension tightens Haley's heart; shame makes it hard for her to meet his eyes. Her head shakes lightly with the emotions blowing around inside her.
"I'm sorry dad." She finally finds the courage to say.
"I'm so sorry. I never wanted-" she tries to explain as emotion thickens her breath, forms a choke hold in her throat, but her words never finish as she feels her old man's hand come to rest gentle but firm upon her shoulder.
Her eyes rise to meet his, unsure of what awaits her. Her is heart suspended, hanging by a thread for his response.
"I don't care what you did. You're my daughter." Piney says firmly, his gaze piercing into her own unflinchingly. "You understand what I'm saying?"
In that moment Haley feels it, the unconditional love her dad has for her. It shines from his eyes and surges to her heart. It's a truth Haley has always known, but rarely felt. Piney was too closed off, too strong to shower his kids with affection, but in brief overwhelming moments such as this, Piney opens his heart wide enough, makes himself vulnerable enough to reveal how deep that love really runs.
Tears brim Haley's eyes as her heart swells. All she's ever wanted was his love. And knowing how fleeting this moment will be somehow makes it feel all the more special. Holding back the tears, Haley dives against her old man, wrapping him in a hug she hopes will express how much she loves him in return, how grateful she is to have him.
Piney clutches his daughter back, planting a tender kiss above the crown of her head the way he would do from time to time when she was just girl. Wrapped in her father's love, Haley knows whatever she faces with the others moving forward from here, she at least has made it right with the man who matters most.
Authors Note: In this chapter I really wanted to address where Haley is at. With herself, with Jax, other members of their family and club, before having them all move forward from here.
Haley is finally beginning the journey to heal. It will take her time, but she's making the right steps. She and Jax are trying to figure each other out, it's a very push-pull time in their relationship right now. They aren't sure if they know each other anymore, can fully trust, but love is the one thing they don't lack. Outside pressures will continue to find her as Haley comes back into the fold of the club and becomes a part of the drama that was brewing while she was away.