Sliding to the ground in a flurry of dust, Ben raised Adam's shoulders higher to support and his son groaned. Adam then managed to choke out in a pained voice, what had happened to him. "I think I'm...going to need a little help...to get inside in one piece...Pa...bushwhacker... took a shot at me...I...landed wrong...when I...ducked. Thought I was okay...until I...got closer to the...ranch..."

Adam could say no more and he stiffened in his father's hold. Ben's heart was in his throat as he wrapped his son's arm around his own shoulders and hauled him up with Tom's help. The vague explanation hadn't helped much and Ben still didn't know exactly what was wrong with his son, there seemed to be no blood and no evidence of any wounds. A suspicion was rising, however, but the thought brought with it...unpleasantness.

Reaching the house at last, the ailing man was panting from pain and nearly cried out when he was helped to the settee to lie down. That position brought him no relief either from the massive spasms churning in his back muscles. Ben sent Tom to keep Jody out in the barn while a new wave of pain shot through Adam, his back arching as he bit back another agonized groan.

That stifled cry startled Evangeline who was finishing up with Hop Sing in the guest bedroom. The chinaman was putting the last touches on the unconscious man's bandages, complete with a Chinese herbal salve on them. She dropped the pot of salve, sending it clanging onto the floor, and rushed out into the living area. Hop Sing desperately wanted to follow but he had his own patient to look after and the man wasn't in a good way at all.

Outside of the room, Evangeline almost screamed upon seeing her beloved, his body rigidly arched and writhing on the settee while he was sweating profusely. His face was scrunched up in pain as his father was apparently diagnosing what was wrong. Stifling a sob, she hurried to kneel at Adam's side and planted a hand on his quivering shoulder while running an unsteady hand through his damp hair.

"Adam! Darling, it's okay, everything's okay...it'll be okay...I'm here...take it easy...it'll be okay..." she didn't know why she was babbling but she couldn't seem to stop herself. Tensed under her hands, Adam didn't hear her anyway, the pain too much for him to think straight. He continued to jerk and groan, his stiff body seeming not to be able to rest.

Evangeline turned to Ben, her eyes anguished and her voice choked, "What's wrong with him, Ben? What is it!"

Silent at first, Ben gently probed a particular part of his son's body which did elicit a full cry from Adam then, making her jump back in horror as the sound left his mouth. Ben gulped and replied, "I thought so, it's his back. Ever since that accident last year...every so often it gives him terrible spasms. Quick! Hop Sing keeps a bottle of laudanum in the kitchen above the stove. Fetch it for me!"

She ran to do as she was bidden as Ben held Adam down and tried to sooth. He wished with all his might that he hadn't sent Hoss and Joe out to the timber camps because he needed them so much just then. But alas, they weren't there so he did his best with his own strength.

With great effort due to the fact that most of it was slopped in the process, the laudanum was administered between Adam's clenched teeth and slowly it worked its magic. Gradually he stilled, his body relaxed from its arched position and lay unmoving.

Ben breathed a quick sigh of relief before having Evangeline help him in turning Adam over onto his stomach. Then together, they kneaded their fingers hard and deep into his muscles, Evangeline at his shoulders and Ben into his back which still could be felt rippling underneath the black shirt. As if aware of the relief even while being in his stupor, a sigh escaped Adam's lips when they had finished.

Passing a shaky hand across her perspiring brow, Evangeline stood straight and covered her eyes with the other. Ben put a comforting hand on her shoulder and she turned into his sheltering arms. They stood quietly until Evangeline drew back, sank to the floor by the settee and cradled Adam's head while bending hers over his, resting her forehead on the side of his wet neck. Hop Sing exited the guest room and worriedly sought Ben's gaze but upon seeing the shake of the silver head, he knew to retreat, having assisted with several of Adam's muscle episodes before and knowing now that all was alright.

"He should be okay now...his back will be as sore as a boil during the next couple of days but the attack is over," Ben said but even to his ears, his own words didn't sound very comforting after the ordeal she had just witnessed.

Evangeline tearfully drew back from hovering over her fiancé. The back of her left hand grazed his visible cheek and trailed back towards his ear, she repeated the motion over and over.

"Why didn't he ever tell me about these spasms, Ben? He told me about the accident but...never about this. Why would he keep it from me?"

Ben didn't know how to answer. This was a conversation for Adam to take care of who was obviously not available. All the older man could do was stand there, trying to think of something logical to say but nothing was forthcoming.

Evangeline continued, "I heard many a man scream from pain in that war hospital, Ben, but never...has it chilled me to the bone as his just did. I'll never forget that feeling...not as long as I live..."

Ben understood all too well, having heard that sound over the years from all his sons more times than he cared to remember. His own body feeling shaky, he left in silence, stepping out onto the porch for some fresh air and closing the door behind himself. Evangeline listlessly stared after him. She felt lost and drained, needing a task to do. Looking down at Adam again, she thought of something to keep her busy and rose to go to the kitchen.

Coming from there, Hop Sing smiled wanly as he handed her the bowl of cold water and a cloth that she had come to find. She took both and he patted her arm. "Mistah Adam be alight now, missy. Have terrible headache when he wakes up so keep cold cloth on forehead. He be took upstairs later by brothers."

Evangeline inclined her head in acceptance of his instructions and returned to the settee. Tears slid down her cheeks as she wrung out the cloth and wiped away the sweat from Adam's face and neck. At least it was a blessing that he was still out and wouldn't be feeling any more pain for quite some time. After he looked more refreshed, she wrung the cloth again in the cold water before pressing it over his forehead.

Feeling an overpowering, inner fatigue that left her drained and ragged, she lowered her head to rest on the back of his shoulders. An image of the wedding dress filled her thoughts and she sighed. Being there with him now felt so right and that was where she wanted to be for forever. A week seemed so close and yet so far.

It hurt her though that he had never told her of these attacks.

A voice inside told her that he had simply wanted to protect her but she didn't wanted to be protected from anything having to do with him. Then she remembered the pain in his eyes those many days before while on their picnic. Frustration filled her but not irritation, not anger...only frustration at not being able to read his mind for that seemed to be the only way to know what was passing through his complicated brain at any one time.

Sighing forcefully, Evangeline raised her head off of his shoulders. Her hand drifted up and stroked the back of his hair, the dampness beginning to fade into the normal softness. A smile crossed her face, despite herself. He was so perfect in sleep, completely relaxed and open to the innumerable possibilities of dreamland. She ran her hand over his back to check on the subtlety of his muscles and they still felt loose, although his body twitched as her fingers pressed on the lower ones. She grimaced and shivered, burying her face in the back of his neck in a drawn-out kiss.

Again, like she did on that woods stroll with his father, she doubted her ability to be Adam Cartwright's wife. Seeing him in pain tore at her heart and made her wish that she could be the one lying there instead. If only she knew how many times he had prayed for the exact opposite reality to come true when she had been kidnapped...

The time passed quickly and the laudanum was wearing off soon for Adam. He shifted under her with a low moan and tried to remember what happened but he was drawing a complete blank. When he tried to raise his head, however, he gasped through clenched teeth upon feeling his back muscles tweaked by that motion.

A woman's voice from far away floated toward him and he struggled to open his eyes to see where he was. The burning soreness distracted but the softness of the cushions under him couldn't be denied. A feather touch on his face made him curious, even through the fog. Upon seeing Evangeline's worried face faded in and out of view but was clear enough for him to see the tear tracks on her face. Despite his acute discomfort, the corner of his mouth turned up in a lop-sided smile at her before he slipped into his private oblivion again, where only his love and he existed.