Disclaimer: Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer
A/N: Another chapter after a long wait. To me it doesn't seem long, because I'm studying, working, and worrying all the time. It also just took me a while to write this chapter, because I wasn't sure if it was right, but then I realized, yes, it is. After a few chapters, it will make sense, sort of. So if you think I'm just repeating history, just because I haven't got any ideas, you're wrong. Everything that happened in this chapter, had to happen.
Sometimes I put update dates on my profile page, because I don't like putting a 'fake' chapter with only a small authors note and nothing else.
I loved all your reviews, people!
Have fun reading it.
Distraction
He was staring at the ceiling and I stared at his face.
"What kind did you take?"
He chuckled, while even looking cute.
"You're always so curious. So much that it's almost dangerous."
I wouldn't call myself curious, so why did he? It was a normal question to ask, because I didn't want him to get hurt.
It might push almighty, rich, beautiful Edward over the edge.
I squeezed my eyes shut, because my own thought were giving me a headache- and a red face.
"I just wouldn't want you to have taken something very bad because of me. Because I'd feel bad."
Carefully, he moved, because I felt the bed move under me and took my right hand, which was closest to him, and pressed it between his hands. I instantly felt that tingly feeling of when your cold hands are warming up.
"I'm not blaming you," he murmured.
"You said-"
"I know, but that was just a load of crap," he said, interrupting me. "I don't always tell the truth, you know? I would have thought you had that figured out by now."
"Wow, Edward... Jeez." He was such a difficult person. "I'm not the actor over here."
He sighed. And apparently, gave in. "I took something that makes you alert, not tired anymore and it makes you lose appetite. It has a few bad side effects, as you have noticed. In short, it messes you up completely."
I looked at him, but he was still staring at the ceiling.
"I'm not sure that I..."
"It's nickname is love drug," he further explained, "because it makes you crave for someone's touch." Now he looked at me. "Anyone's touch. To tell you the truth, it has been my favourite drug for quite a while."
"Okay," I said with a scowl, drawling the word out. To be honest, I felt a little hurt. Not only did he take a love drug but also was that the exact reason why he had craved my touch. I tried my best to ignore the pain. "And which is it now?"
He laughed out loud but quickly stopped. He turned around and rested his head on his hand, now holding my hand in only one hand.
"You said for quite a while," I mumbled, not looking at him anymore. "It must be something else now."
He was wearing a sly smile. "I did say that. But Bella, it's a miracle that you're still here instead of running down a hill, running away from me. How much more crap do you think you can handle? How could I be sure that if I told you that, you won't go running away right afterwards?"
"I'm tired," I said with a sigh.
He raised his eyebrows. "What's that got to do with taking crap?"
"I'm too tired to run," I explained. That wasn't even a lie. I made a mental note to search up the real name of this love drug.
He chuckled, while shaking his head.
"What?" I asked nervously.
He glanced up again, but didn't talk. So I did instead.
"You really shouldn't do drugs," I said, looking at his chest.
"Tell me something new," he said, and I saw his eyes roll.
"You're just so smart and drugs will ruin that all. You should know better. You do, I know you do. Right?"
His eyes softened and I dropped my eyes again.
"You of all people," I mumbled.
"They make me happy," he said with a light shrug. "Sometimes I want them, sometimes I need them."
"Really?" I murmured. Drugs make you happy? "Then give me a few."
His eyes widened slightly. I really hoped that he realized I was only joking. Drugs was the biggest no for me. It was against my rulebook. Against my ethics. Or whatever, I would never do drugs. Period.
"They make you feel like crap afterwards, Bella," he said.
"That's your favourite word of the day. Crap. Besides, I was just joking, but I can see it wasn't very funny."
He sighed, only this was a different sigh. This sigh told me he was relieved and that he had actually believed me for a split second.
Seriously Edward.
"It's a very useful word," he said seriously. "You can use it in so many different contexts."
'Yeah, whatever," I said with a small smile. "Do you?"
He thought for a second. "Do I what?" he asked with a small frown.
I laughed a little, because he had been trying to figure out what I was talking about, only he didn't know.
"Feel like crap," I explained, looking up at him.
"Oh," he mumbled, understandment on his face. "Less then usual."
"How come?" I asked.
He glanced at me and I could see in his eyes that he again thought that I was being too curious.
I didn't mind, I stared back at him.
"All the other times I was alone when I came undone. Though I was glad, it wasn't a pretty sight." I looked at him, but I couldn't see anything wrong with him. "Now I'm not."
"But I'm not doing anything," I told him.
He shook his head, and I didn't know if he was agreeing or not, but he pushed up my sleeve and looked at the forgotten, but still soar wounds.
"You're wrong," he said. His eyes were on my arm, but I didn't dare to look. "A few stitches have opened. You need new ones." He tapped my chin. "Open."
I shook my head.
"Just one quick look."
I remained quiet and didn't look at him. It got uncomfortable after a few seconds and I turned my back to him. He was still holding my wrist though, so my arm was now behind me in an uncomfortable angle.
"Don't come crying back to me when your mouth is just getting more and more soar."
I gasped.
"You know, when you want to be, you can be the biggest jerk I've ever met," I said, closing my eyes in annoyance. But I mostly closed them, so that the tears wouldn't fall out.
"Well, wouldn't that just be so much better?" he said, throwing my arm back. I think another stitch or two opened by the impact it hit the mattress and I hissed.
"Edward!" I hissed. "Are you crazy? Damn it! What are you talking about?"
It was only when I sat up and looked up at him, because he had gotten off the bed, he continued talking with a smirk.
What had happened? I thought he liked me, or something, but not this. Not the sudden roughness and... hate. Was it hate?
I hated that very smirk. That was dangerous.
Maybe I had to be the better one now. The more responsible one, even though he was older. Maybe I had to watch my words for the next few minutes, just so that the worst blow was over and he wouldn't do anything stupid.
"Wouldn't it be better if you remembered me as a disgusting monster when your father and Carlisle come and get you, instead of this nice guy that can't get through your thick skull!"
"What?" I gasped. "No... You don't get to do this... No..."
Not again.
How can I, or anyone for that matter, be the more responsible one, when that one in front of you was striking you so hard, it made rational thinking impossible?
I had been through this many times before, with my mother, but experience doesn't change the feelings you feel, it doesn't make anything any better. You feel every strike aimed for you.
You can feel it all.
"Do what exactly, Bella?" he snapped.
Oh, he's so mad. Maybe I should just open my mouth.
"The drugs are still doing its effect, aren't they?" I asked, getting up as well, because being on a bed with a drug filled Edward had proved me hours ago that it was not a safe option.
He grabbed my arm and I looked up in surprise. The first thing I noticed were his green, shockingly even more green, eyes. They were piercing right through me and mocking me.
There was only one thing that I was trying to do and that was keeping the tears in, because he really had seen me cry too many times. I know I said that often, and in the end I did cry in front of him, but this time, I meant it.
"Naive little thing, aren't you? What you are looking at has got nothing to do with drugs, so take it or leave it."
"No," I whispered, pulling out of his grip and walking to the bathroom quickly. I closed the door behind me and locked it. I did the same with the second door and never got to look at my surroundings.
Edward had not just said that that was him. It just couldn't be.
That's when I did it again.
"And this one's for you, Edward Antony Masen Cullen," I said, mocking his name. If he heard or not, I didn't know. But now it was my time to mock him.
I was searching frantically again, because I felt the need of a sharp tool in my skin and I didn't care to even admit it. And that's why I said it. Out loud.
"I'm going to cut myself," I said, finding a razor blade. "And no, this is not an anorexic, desperate girl that hears a little voice in her head! It's me. So take it!" I pressed into my flesh, at the same time opening two stitches. "Or leave it." I hissed out the last part, in pain.
Blood quickly dripped from my arm on the floor.
I didn't understand. Tears had begun dripping on the floor too and I didn't understand Edward. He could be this nice, amazing guy and he changed into a jerk the next moment. That was something I absolutely hated. I couldn't live with a person like that. All the time I would have to watch what I was saying, first gauging his reaction to something I said until I was sure nothing bad would happen.
I think nobody would want to live with a person like that. Most of the time you'd end up ignoring the person or trying to avoid him.
And that was what I was doing right now, while pushing the thing in my skin again.
In a blink all of the stitches were open, they were all just in my skin rather disgustingly. Slowly, I brought the razor in the biggest cut, and I pushed it deeper then, reopening the wound.
I screamed while everything went black for a second.
"I hate you! I don't need you!"
Twice I actually cut my arm in a very fast motion. I just brought my arm high up in the air and let the razor cut me by the impact it made on my skin. This was a different kind of pain and I only managed doing it twice. I had to stop for a moment and let all the pain be absorbed by my body.
Something that my brain registered, was that there was banging on the door, and I dropped the razor when I heard a crack.
I stepped on the razor, accidentally, with my bare foot and the door flew open.
I screamed again, while I hopped twice on my good leg, God, I must look ridiculous, until I lost balance and fell backwards. My head hit something halfway down the fall, and when I was lying completely on the ground, I noticed a bathtub behind me. That's what I must have hit my head on.
When did my life turn this crazy?
Edward was quickly at my side with a needle in his hand. I looked at the needle in fear.
"What's that?" I asked in panic.
"Bella, I'm going to give you something for the pain," Edward said. His eyes were his normal green again. His body language seemed human and he didn't seem aggressive.
"You're back," I said.
He gave me a tight smile. Did he understand what I was saying or did he just smile and think silly, naïve, anorexic girl? A brief, shot of pain went in my thigh. He had a lace in his hand and brought it on my upper arm, making a tight knot.
Edward was right. It was only a matter of seconds and I couldn't feel the pain in my arm anymore and the pain in my foot was gone too.
Now the emotional pain was taking over my body, and I had to have physical pain again. It was my medicine.
"No," I said, drawling out the word. "It's gone. It's gone." I shook my head a dozen times until his warm hands were on my cheeks, holding my head tightly. Stopping me. All of a sudden I felt dizzy and my stomach heaved. Edward noticed it to, as he reached for my waist and started turning me around.
I pressed my left hand on my mouth, feeling blood splash on my face that was still coming out of my arm, as I turned around completely, with my head hanging over the tub. Edward's hands were still on my waist, holding me steady.
I threw up a little bile and a little blood, until there was nothing left. It only remained me heaving a few times. There weren't any tears running down anymore either, just me heaving and sobbing without tears.
"Make it stop," I mumbled over and over again, whenever I got the chance. Slowly, Edward's arms came around me all the way and he pushed me back.
"That's enough," he murmured. "Don't worry, don't think."
I giggled a little.
"It got more in my foot," I said, pointing at my foot.
He scowled. But Edward was smart and he had it figured out quick already.
He turned me so that I was facing him and my legs gave up on me, so I fell on my behind and sat, as he pushed himself backwards and lifted both my feet, and then dropped the healthy one.
"Are they going to amputate it?" I asked, wondering what life would be with just one leg.
"No," he said. He brought his other hand to my foot and after a moment, the blade was between his fingers.
"It was your doing fault," I said, pointing at him. "You!"
He briefly scowled, before he looked at me.
"Yes, me," he said.
I nodded my head.
"I'm guessing the pain is gone?" he slowly asked, watching me up and down. His eyes stayed a second longer on my left arm.
I nodded again.
"That was not what I wanted. I wanted pain. My own made. Not the one you make. Your pain sucks. You're good at hurting me."
One of his eyebrows rose slightly.
"And he's always so mean," I said, looking at the ceiling. "I've already seen so many mean people in my life and then he comes along, adding himself to that list. And he's still on it, but he's managed to get on my good side as well. How is that even possible, getting on both lists? Only Edward Cullen could do that."
The thing in front of me chuckled.
"Well it's true! Have you even met him? He always hurts me. He hurt me when he told me I was a half and he hurt me when he grabbed me. But then there are sometimes he doesn't really hurt me and I think that somewhere along that line," I rose my finger and made a long line, "I fell in love with him. That's why I dream so much about him and don't think so much about dying anymore and sometimes consider asking him for help."
The boy in front of me moved and when I caught his eyes, I noticed how amazed he looked at me.
"Hey, your eyes are the same color as Edward's! Are you his brother?"
The man in front of me though was looking perplexed. He put his hand on my chin.
"You fell in love with him?" he asked me with disbelief.
I felt sad for a moment, completely heart broken. I let my eyes drop until I was looking at my hands.
"What kind of a question is that, stranger? Of course I did."
He shook his head.
"But if this guy hurts you so often, why would you love him? Why not just leave him?"
"Because he was there for me when I needed him the most. I can't just leave him now, not when he needs me the most. He left me once and I almost died. What if I left him and he almost dies?"
The angel nodded his head, but didn't agree with me completely. "But what if someday the bad shit outweighs the good?"
"I'll find a knife," I said, but then seeing the razor on the ground. "Or that." I pointed at the razor and the stranger looked at it.
"Oh, Bella. Leave Edward. He's bad. He's nothing. He isn't good for you. He's got issues himself. He's selfish, because he doesn't want to tell you what those issues are. He thinks you'll leave him and you want to know what that is? Selfish! Edward Anthony Masen is a bad person."
I had held the boys eyes the whole time, seeing them get desperate and desperate with each second.
"No, stranger, sometimes he's very good to me. Look, he put these stitches in." I lifted my arm and saw my own damaged arm that had open stitches in them and cuts everywhere. Blood was everywhere. He glanced at it, before he looked at me.
"And then he reduced you into a state of doing that to yourself. Bella, this wasn't something that wasn't his fault. This was something he could have prevented. He was leading you on and that was stupid."
He took my arm and pulled out the stitches. He was frustrated, but his hand was the complete opposite, because he was very carefully pulling them out and not hurting me.
"I can't feel," I said.
"It's the pain killer, they've made you numb and high. Kind of like being drunk, since you won't be remembering any of this."
I smiled brightly at him.
"You won't leave me, okay? You should tell Edward to be more like you. I like you. Who are you?"
The beautiful creature smiled at me as he leaned closer.
His lips pressed against my forehead and I closed my eyes. He moved, his nose touching mine.
"Whoever you want me to be, handsome. And Edward, he's trying already. He wants to, but he's messed up himself, you know. But he really is trying."
"Good," I smiled, with my eyes closed. "Because I don't like the pain feeling."
The angel smiled sadly.
"Sleep, Bella. He'll take care of you, properly this time. Just don't hate him yet, if there's still some way for you to forgive him."
"No," I said. "I mean yes. No, no hate, and yes, I can forgive. But he still hurt me."
I remembered that it was Edward's voice that had spoken. When had Edward gotten back? I was too tired too look at him.
"And you don't hate me, Edward, please," I said seriously.
Edward chuckled. It sounded so very happy.
"No, Bella. I don't."
I fell asleep in his embrace.
Next time I woke, every bit of my body was aching and we weren't in either a house or car.
"Edward?" I asked. I was lying in a bed, but it was too dark for it to be a hospital. "Edward?"
I started to panic, and wanted to get out of the bed, but found that I was stuck. My hands by my side and my legs wouldn't budge. When I looked down, I saw that my arms and legs were tied, not with cuffs this time, but this restraint was leather, I think, and more fancy then simple cuffs.
I still didn't like it though, but then the door burst open and Edward rushed in. I had never felt more relieved in my entire life.
"It is so not what you think it is," Edward said. He had me undone before I could even blink and he pulled me up. "Are you okay? I'm so sorry, but I've got to follow rules."
"You weren't here," I said. "Why was I tied?" Edward, I-"
"I know, I'm sorry," he interrupted, "but it's been busy here."
My eyes went over Edward's clothes. And then again.
And then, once more.
I looked at his face, but couldn't believe what I had just seen, so my eyes went down again.
"Edward?"
"Yeah?" he replied with a grin. He knew what my next question would be.
"Why are you wearing Doctor's clothes?"
This had to be a joke, and nothing else. It had to be.
"I'm having an internship that will last for four weeks," he said. "Today is my sixth day, sort off."
"Say what?" I asked, my voice changing very low. "You didn't even graduate from high school!"
"I made the exams, passed them, found myself a University that wanted me and told me to have my internship this week."
Life was so unfair sometimes. Why did some people get so much luck, while others just received crap from this universe.
"When did this happen?" I asked, looking down.
He shrugged. "Every time that I was bored, I studied and never failed an exam."
"Lucky jerk. I wish I could be a doctor."
He grinned while he shook his head. "You would? Or is that a Bella joke?"
"I meant that," I told him while I felt insulted. "But I'm not smart enough for University. I'll never even pass high school."
He didn't argue with me, so he must have agreed, but he also never broke eye contact as he put the stethoscope in his ears and I stopped breathing.
Shit.
This was hot, sexy even. Okay, when had that suddenly happened? Edward was good looking, yeah, but when did I see him as hot?
Or sexy?
Oh God, please don't let me change into one of those bimbo's you usually see in movies and who are all covered in pink and are madly in love with the hottest guy in school.
He pushed my hospital dress, or whatever it was, aside and pressed the cold chest piece against my skin, where my heart lay under. He instantly chuckled. I glanced up, but his eyes were closed.
I hate my heart.
He removed his hand and pushed the piece of clothing back on my skin. Then he pressed the chest piece on my back and I scowled. How was this dress made. I reached for my back and felt a huge gap in the clothing. Just great. Was my ass visible as well if I stood up?
But then I thought of other things that may or may not have been visible and exposed. I glanced at Edward nervously.
"Did you undress me?"
Shake your head.
He nodded his head.
I sighed over dramatically.
"I wasn't going to let a nurse do that, when I told you only an hour ago that I would try to be better for you. Besides, Bella-"
"When?" I interrupted. "What?"
"I gave you some very strong, but also high-making pain killers and you were talking quite actively. Do you remember anything?" He was wearing a smile, victorious smile as he asked me that.
Oh, he knew alright that I didn't remember anything of that event but what I did remember, were other things, so I threw those in his face.
"I remember cutting myself and the reason," I said.
You. You. You.
"Could you take a deep breath for me, please?" he asked. Yeah, sure, Edward, just ignore me. I did as he told me, but instantly coughed. Edward didn't remove the chest piece.
I tried taking a few calming breaths and I thought that Edward was done.
"Try again."
I groaned, but did as he told me. This time I did succeed and Edward took the piece off of my back.
"Come over here, please," he said, walking to another machine and some sort of a lying chair.
I got up from the bed and stood beside him. Suddenly I felt small and unintelligent.
When did Edward change into Doctor Edward?
"Sit," he ordered, pointing at the chair.
"Why can't I just stand?" I asked.
"Just sit, Bella," he said calmly, while again he held eye contact. I was the worst person in holding people's eye for a long time, so I dropped my eyes to avoid his green ones.
I jumped on the stupid thing and he put a plastic, black looking thing around my upper arm.
"What are you doing?"
He pressed in a tiny balloon looking thing and the piece of plastic on my arm got bigger and tighter.
"That hurts," I complained, sitting up straighter, but he kept pumping air. I closed my eyes and then he stopped, pressing something against the pit of my arm. I shuddered at the light contact of his fingers on my bare arm.
When I looked down, he had the chest piece on my arm and I scowled. Then I looked up at Edward and he was looking at me with piercing eyes.
"What did I do wrong now?" I asked, growing uncomfortable. My eyes went to my left foot. It had a bandage around it.
"Are you nervous, Bella?" he asked, as he pulled the stethoscope out of his ears and put it around my neck, while resting his hands on my shoulders and standing awfully close to my entire body.
"No," I mumbled. I shook my head as well
He smiled and leaned over. "You don't have to lie to me."
I looked down and saw my left arm. I widened my eyes when I saw a dozens of thin, tiny stitches in my arm, closing each cut and keeping all the flesh together. I even thought that my skin wouldn't scar, that perfect did it look.
"This job is done so much better then what you did," I said, showing him my left arm.
He smirked, and I scowled at that. I didn't like smirks.
"That's my job too. Cost me nearly one and a half hour. Just after I finished, I went to clean my hands and then you woke up."
My mouth opened and then I scowled.
"Oh," I mumbled.
"Anytime," he said. "So, Miss Swan, we are doing a full body examination on you today." What? "Everything from organs to brain function will be checked and if needed, we will operate on you."
"What, what, what?" I asked with wide eyes. "Now? Why? Who? Isn't that expensive?"
Edward put his hand on my mouth. It was something that brought back old memories. Something that seemed so long ago.
"A full body examination," he said more slowly this time. "Yes, now, and also because it's necessary. I will do most of the procedures, but if it gets difficult, I will call in my boss. As for the cost, everything has already been paid for."
"What idiot paid?" I asked in disbelief. I knew for a fact that those examinations were expensive.
"I did," he said as if it were very logical. "Now come."
He held out his hand and I shook my head.
He stepped over to me and leaned over me again.
"Our relationship has gotten the status incredibly in love teens in this hospital and me holding your hand is nothing compared to what most nurses want to see and think we're doing." He looked at me pointedly, and my mind instantly told me sex. "And if that wasn't your concern, it wasn't a question."
"Wait-" I began, but Edward had taken my hand and pulled me along. He opened the door and I was assaulted with light. I grabbed the stethoscope off of my neck and held it in my hand tightly. It helped some with the nerves.
In the beginning, there were barely any people, but soon, people began to greet him as Cullen and some Edward. Some of them said hello to me, or just smiled and I just stared at them.
Every freaking doctor, nurse and even patient knew that guy who was currently holding my hand.
"We'll start with the organs then," he said opening a door in a descended hallway as he allowed me to go in first.
"Are you allowed to do this alone?" I asked.
He chuckled.
"Yes, I am. Does that scare you?"
"No," I said. "But seriously, this is your first day and you've already stitched me and are now going to use fancy looking machines." The room was actually huge and nobody was there except for the two of us.
He laughed out loud. "Honey, this isn't my first day. And sure, why not? I mean, I gave money to this place and some of these machines wouldn't even be here if it hadn't been for me. Now lie down there."
I turned to see another one of those tall lying chairs.
I did as he told me to and he was there in an instant.
But first, he gave me a big glass of water.
"Drink this."
"Don't be so bossy, Edward," I said, sitting up and taking tiny sips, until half of it was gone. He took it from me and pushed me down. He was looking in my eyes.
"Maybe I'm just bossy around you," he replied.
"I'll never know," I said.
Edward seemed like an expert, someone that had been at this hospital for years and knew the equipments so well as if he had made them himself.
Not once did he look in my eyes and not once did he see all the respect and love in them.
Shit. This is bad.
He pushed something against my chest, registered some stuff with the machine, sometimes I heard it beep and Edward made copies. He brought one of those things that are used on people that are pregnant on my sides, before he covered me in a cold gel. I was able to look with him on a special computer, but out of the corner of my eyes, I saw his other arm come closer to me and he brought my left arm up above my head. He did the same with my other, but still never looked me in the eye. At least half an hour must have passed while all Edward did was take notes, write some stuff in a file, make copies and more copies. I wanted to ask what he was doing, why my arms were above my head, why he was so quiet, because I was starting to get afraid and nervous.
But I didn't dare to ask him, so I let him do whatever he had to do. He brought the same tool on my lower stomach and I felt my full bladder. It hurt a little, but I didn't tell him. Instead, when things got too much to handle, I put my hand on his wrist and held him tightly there, as I slowly pushed his hand up, afraid he might get angry with me if I did so, but the full bladder was really getting uncomfortable. I shouldn't have drunk so much water.
Finally, for the first time since he had begun, he turned his head fully to me, and looked me in the eye. I instantly let go of his wrist, but Edward didn't push it in my lower stomach anymore. He was scowling.
"You're looking so distressed, Marie. What's wrong?"
I turned my head away from him while I squeaked a little. I didn't like this anymore. I didn't feel like I belonged there. I didn't deserve this treatment. And I shouldn't feel so much for simple nicknames. Or my second name.
Edward put the tools aside and leaned over me, while he pushed my head more to his side, until we were looking at each other again. He smiled when he saw me, but I didn't know why.
"Would you like me to get another resident for you?" he asked, but I was shaking my head before I even let myself think about what he was even offering. I didn't want anyone else but Edward there, but he didn't understand. I still wasn't allowed to get this.
He took my hands in his and pulled me slowly up. He pushed his hands in my hair and kept them there, while he held me and looked at me.
"What is it, Bella?" he asked softly.
I shook my head as I dropped my eyes.
"Are you feeling okay? We could take a break. Besides, we're practically done here. Come on, let's go outside together."
He put his hands on my waist and lifted me off the chair. He kept his hands for a second too long on my waist, and when he released me, he was looking at me like I was some mystery.
And I blurted out, "I'm sorry."
He smiled, and shook his head. "Don't be."
"I should have just opened my mouth," I told him in a distressed voice. He shook his head.
"No, Bella. That mistake was mine."
"But I should have-"
"No, Bella, you didn't do anything wrong. You hear me? You didn't do anything, got it? It's as simple as that for you to grasp."
"But if I just listen to you, you'll hate me less," I threw out in frustration.
"No, Bella, no," he said with wide eyes, as he pushed his hands threw my hair and did that over and over again, until I closed my eyes and I just enjoyed the feeling. "Bella..." He pulled me closer to him and held me in his arms. "Don't talk like that, don't ever. When did I give you the assumption of me hating you? Damn it, Bella, haven't I said it often enough?"
I lifted my eyes at him after his outburst as I pulled back. He looked at me as well. He was scowling deeply.
Hadn't he said what often enough?
"Do you want to know how hard it is for me to take a look at your insides and see how everything inside of you is falling apart and there is nothing I can do about it? Do you know how difficult it is not to be mad at you, when it isn't even your fault to begin with? Do you know how badly I want to yell at you right now, shake you until you understand?"
My eyes began to fill with tear as he was talking to me with so much emotion in his voice and looking at me as if he really did love me.
"I'm sorry," I said.
He smiled sadly. "No, I am. Because you are not in my care, Bella, not until you turn eighteen. I've received a text from Carlisle. They're coming to get you. They-"
I leapt forward before he could talk any further and held Edward tightly, while I spread the gel further over my body and adding some to Edward's clothes as well. I held him so tightly, and tried to prevent myself from falling apart. I felt his fingers on my face, as he pushed the hair away from there. His other came on my back, making circles there.
"I'm sorry, Bella," he said, but I shook my head.
"I'll do anything," I said.
"I know, darling-"
"I promise," I hastily added.
"But there isn't anything to do," he continued sadly. "Not a thing but wait."
"Edward, please don't leave me alone, I need you," I said, choking in my breath and feeling tears forming in my eyes. "Don't leave me again, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, please, Edward, don't-"
"Shh, Bella, calm down, sweetheart," he whispered.
He put his hand on my face and put the other between my cheek and his chest, where I had pressed my head. When he had managed to get my head in his hands, he lifted my head until I was looking at him.
"I'll be where ever you want me to be, Bella," he said slowly, watching me in my eyes.
"Don't leave me alone," I croaked out.
"No," he said, shaking his head. "I won't."
I cried my first tears because I couldn't keep them in anymore.
"You will," I said, pressing myself once more against him. His arms came around me as he held my tightly.
"I'll be there for you, Bella, okay? I promise."
I shook my head.
"Please believe me, Bella, I'll be there for you," he said again. "Because I love you too."
I widened my eyes and lifted my head to look back at him.
"What?" I asked in disbelief.
"I don't care you were filled with pain killers and that you were flying high, you said that you love me and stated it as if it was freaking obvious."
"Oh," I said, almost falling down, hadn't Edward put his hands under my elbows. "Sounds like me."
Edward chuckled and I felt his lips press on my cheek.
"What? You aren't even going to deny it?"
"Shut up, Edward," I said. I was still feeling distressed.
He stood straight in front of my face, because he had bended down.
"No. And now I want to hear you either say it or deny it."
I rolled my eyes, but then, Edward started playing very unfair...
First he straightened up, so that he was the longer one, and he was making me feel small again. His fingers made feather light contact with my arms, where he made circles. My skin there tingled and reacted to his touch. He slowly brought one hand up to my shoulder, while the other went to my back. I was trying to figure out where was going with this, but both of his hands were very distracting, and each time I looked up, I caught his eyes almost instantly.
Slowly, that green was disappearing and his eyes were getting darker, but not too dark. I could still see the green and it made him even more sexy. So I closed my eyes all together.
He chuckled and suddenly I felt his breath on my neck.
"Not a wise choice, Isabella, not a wise choice at all," he whispered too seductively. "Didn't you know other sense organs intensify when you shut one down?" His fingers on my shoulder went over my colour bone and I shuddered.
"Oh God," I murmured, sounding girly and pathetic.
Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God.
"Edward is the name," he said instead.
"Screw you," I said angrily, though I wasn't even upset. Just very confused.
I believe he wispered, "Rather you," and my mouth fell open.
"You're disgusting!" I said, quickly stepping away from him, opening my eyes and reaching for the door.
He had locked it.
"God, what plans have you made for the night?"
I heard Edward grin and he was inches behind me again. I desperately tried one more time to open the door.
"Would you like to find out?" he asked.
I turned and put all my effort into glaring at him as my hand remained on the doorknob.
"You wouldn't," I said, watching him carefully. He stepped closer. "You do know I bite?"
"I don't really mind."
I glared some more, but that was apparently his medicine to step closer to me.
"I know what you're doing," I said in a poor attempt to make him stop walking. It did work.
"What's that, pretty?"
"Distracting me," I said.
He shrugged.
"I'm right?"
He shrugged again.
"I knew it."
He smiled, taking the final step towards me and putting his hands on either side of my face.
"It's working, is it not?"
This time I shrugged.
"Maybe I can't resist that sexy face of yours."
Edward blinked and for a second, he closed his eyes and shook his head a little. I almost laughed at the way it seemed like Edward had some error in his head.
He looked back at me while he steered his head.
"The feeling is mutual, Isabella," he said.
"Yeah, I know, Mister Cullen," I said very confidentially, even though I didn't feel like it at all.
I was flirting and I didn't even know who had begun it and who would end it.
Not Edward, that was a fact, because his face came closer to mine and he crashed his lips on mine, kissing me slowly, carefully. I kissed him back, strangely enough.
He was doing many things at the same time. He was kissing me and bringing his hands to mine, while he lifted them and put them around his neck. Then he put his arms around my waist, which made me feel comfortable for some reason, and safe, as he pulled me along with him towards the tall chair. He turned us both and lifted me up on the chair. I didn't have to crane my neck up this way, as did he not have to bend down anymore to my lips because of my awkward length.
"Edward," I breathed out.
He kissed me for a while longer, when I heard his soft reply.
"Yeah?"
"Maybe we should stop," I said when his head descended to my neck.
His lips pressed on a ticklish spot and when I felt the skin there get tortured by his killer lips. I shrieked as my eyes practically rolled back. I think my body liked that. Another very embarrassing sound escaped my lips and my whole body felt tense and alert.
Edward's head shot up as he pressed his hand on my lips, his other behind my head to hold me even tighter, as his head snapped to the door.
"Shit, Bella," he whispered, while remaining quiet. My breathing was coming out fast, while he seemed to be troubled by nothing, except for that door. Then he breathed out in relief.
His head snapped to me.
"Why did you scream?" he asked, his eyes wide. "Did I hurt you? You didn't like it? Were you-"
Yeah, I knew he was about to say afraid, and I couldn't handle that word at the moment.
I pushed him hard on the chest, which made him stop talking as I glared at him.
"You know, you're nuts, thinking that innocent behaviour is going to make up after what you just did," I said angrily. "You kiss me and do weird things with my neck and it makes my whole body go tingly and I feel strange and I don't even know what I want anymore, I wasn't even supposed to scream! Anyway, it's your fault."
Edward was frozen like a statue.
"Besides, you've been with so many girls, I'm guessing you have enough experience to be arrogant enough as to know what a girl would like or not. I'm sure you're great at sex as well and who knows what else." I pretended to be thinking. Yeah, I was angry and sarcastic, but I didn't even know why. "Actually, what else do you know? Because I'd like to know."
It was then that Edward had gotten as strange emotion on his face, one I didn't recognize. It seemed like he was trying to figure something out, but at the same time already knew the answer. Maybe he wasn't trying to figure anything out, but he was just debating what he would do.
I rolled my eyes and was very blunt, even if I had to say so myself.
"Ed-ward," I said, drawling out his name, "I practically told you to have sex with my right here and now, and you're just standing there. Are you a guy or what?"
It was then that Edward got an amused glint in his eyes. He smiled and stepped forward. His hands were on my thighs, right where the hospital gown ended. He slowly pushed it up while spreading my legs with his knee, since I was still sitting on the high chair and he was standing.
"Right now?" he asked, acting is if he wasn't sure. Acting, indeed.
I was about to be sarcastic, but my knees suddenly felt like they were very far apart from each other. My knees didn't like the distance and they tried to get closer to each other, just like to magnets. In the end, they couldn't get any farther then a few inches, because Edward was standing in between them. He was pressed between my legs.
Again.
"Uh..." I mumbled, looking down. What was I about to say? I really don't remember.
"Are you sure?" he asked, leaning his head down sideways, his lips trailing from the side of my eye to my ear. "I'm not."
"Huh?"
"Or have you forgotten?"
"What?"
"Yes, you have," he said with a smile on his lips.
"Ass," I said.
"Okay, okay, I'll say it again," he said, rolling his eyes. "I'd rather have sex with you in your bed."
I felt one of my eyebrows rise on reflex, not only did that sound impossible and stupid, but silly as well.
"You have lost it," I said, while giggling all of a sudden. When had he even said something as silly as that? I sure as hell didn't remember.
"Have I?" he softly asked, almost as if he was wondering himself.
I nodded my head.
"Why?" he asked slowly.
"It's obvious, Edward, stop fooling around," I said, rolling my eyes.
"What's obvious?" he asked with a hint of a scowl on his face. Seriously, I wasn't talking in riddles.
"You're Edward, you're hot, I'm not, and you know it, and-"
His hand on my mouth silenced me and his lips were back on my neck, continuing his torture with his magic lips. I squirmed and moved, but he didn't stop. He kept his hand on my mouth but he probably knew that I would be screaming instead of squirming if he hadn't kept his hand on my mouth.
I was taking deep pants through my nose, my eyes were shut tightly and Edward was killing me with those lips; or bringing me alive.
It was then I realized that my hands were on his shoulders, holding him tightly with my fingers pressing in his skin. Slowly, his hand on my lips decendes down to my waist. With his other hand he was holding my shoulder.
For a moment, he freed my neck.
"I am not fooling around, Bella," he said, sounding slightly offended and angry.
He put a small kiss on the soar spot.
"I want you to stop thinking so little of yourself," he continued, while he rubbed with his fingers on my neck.
The last thing he told me, sounded a little like he said it in amazement and amusement.
"And you must stop seeing me as some sort of a God."
I took one shaky breath.
"Okay."
Okay for all the things he had just said. Okay for all my mixed up thoughts. Okay because I just had to say something.
"Okay, I love you."
I heard Edward's intake of a breath.
He grabbed my face and my eyes opened. His eyes were piercing mine.
"Are you fooling around?"
"Why would I?" I asked with a scowl.
His eyes widened in disbelief. "And why would I?"
I shrugged. Yeah, I could understand why he was annoyed with me. I guess I was an annoying girl.
"Clever, Bella, really clever. Listen. I don't want you to ever think low of yourself again, okay?"
I shook my head and smiled.
"For the love of God..."
"It's the only thinking I've ever known. And then I met you. And I had to think lower of myself."
"Fuck you, Bella."
My eyes widened and he was practically glaring. "W-What?"
"I'm not perfect. If anything, you should have thought better of yourself when you met me. Mocked me in your head."
"I did."
He raised one eyebrow.
"Not all the time..." I quickly said, but he was already laughing.
"You want to know what I thought about you then?"
"That anorexic bulimic virgin sure looks very pathetic and bony?"
His face fell. And he looked a little angry.
"What would sex with her be like?" I tried again.
He rolled his eyes. "I thought what the reason could ever be why your eyes seemed so empty. I wondered why you let me treat you the way I did. Why you just took most of it. I guess I still don't understand why you just took it."
For a moment, we looked at each other and I took another sad attempt to change the subject.
"You sure changed, I mean, look at you, you're doctor Cullen and so respected by everyone in this hospital."
He smirked. "Some things are easy. Some aren't."
"Like what?" I asked curiously.
"Keeping you sane and alive," he said.
"Come on! I'm sane!"
He quirked an eyebrow. Again. Looking all hot and mighty as he did.
Shut it, you fool.
"Oh, shut up, you," I said, crossing my arms. I was talking to Edward, but at the same time, also to that voice in my head. "Besides, I thought we were going outside?"
"Yes, we are," he said, nodding. "You distracted me."