A/N: I can't believe it's been almost a year since my last update on this story. I know it's taken awhile but I hope you can still enjoy! I continue this at the request of a friend on , and I guess I'm just begging you not to hate me for this one. I know some people might not like it, but it's just kind of where this chapter had to go.

Chapter 36

I can pinpoint the exact moment in my life that I was more nervous about something than anything before. It was the six seconds that I spent between the bottom of the steps and the front door, praying in my heart for some sort of salvation. I dragged my feet up the stairs, feeling my stomach drag along the ground. I didn't fee butterflies, I felt sick. The anticipation of my fate would have been enough to stop me too had Soda not been walking behind me, guiding me do to the door.

I think I felt a gentle nudge of pity on my shoulder from him which would have been comforting if the door hadn't been thrown open a second later.

Darry stood there looking at me and for a moment I thought I saw a hurt look in his eye. I don't know how long the next moment lasted, but it felt like forever. He didn't say anything for the longest time, and just stood there staring at me.

I wondered if I was supposed to speak, and what I was supposed to say, but the words wouldn't come to my mind. Instead, I blurted out, "I'm sorry!"

He didn't want to hear it. "Shut your mouth." Stepping aside, he waited for me to come into the house. I was afraid to pass him too, worried about what he might do, and the fact that Soda was so close behind me didn't offer any comfort, not this time.

I had two options once I got into the house, run to my room or go to the living room. At this point I figured Darry would want to scream at me, so I moved into the living.

Big mistake.

"Go to your room Lily," Darry practically snapped, like he was trying to hold back his anger.

"I just-" I started to explain why I had gone in there in the first place, but he cut me off.

"I don't want to hear it and I don't want to look at you right now. Go to your room."

"Fine!" I said, sounding sharper than I had meant to, but only because I was trying not to burst into tears.

"You do not want to be yelling at me right now little girl!"

"I wasn't-" I started to argue, but decided against it. Instead I ran to my bedroom, not wanting to make him hate me any more than he already did at that moment.

I was careful not to slam my door as I backed into my bedroom, but I wasn't still for very long. I sort of paced back and forth, trying to decide what to do. Should I jump out the window and run away? Should I go back out and try to explain things? Not that there was anything to explain. There was only one thing I did know, and it was that I could definitely not wait around for Darry to come to me. The wait would kill me. Even worse than the wait was the worry. I had no idea what he was going to say to me, or better yet, do. Suddenly I knew what I could do to pass the time.

Listen.

The walls in the house were paper thin, and it was easy for me to hear Darry and Soda talking. All I had to do was lean against my door and I could hear them clearly (especially since Darry was making no attempts to be quiet).

"The park?" he was saying. "What the heck was she doing at the park when she was supposed to be home."

"Well come on," Soda said, on my side, "she's a kid. She wanted to play with her friends."

"I don't care what she wanted to do I told her to come home."

"Well she hardly ever listens to what you tell her."

"That's the problem," Darry shouted as though Soda should have figured that out. I'm sick and tired of it. Now no judge is going to let that girl stay in this house if I can't take proper care of her."

"Nobody said you can't take care of her."

"Taking care of kids, Sodapop Curtis, means knowing where there are after school and disciplining them when they do something wrong."

"Well you yell at her all the time!"

I could have kissed Soda. He was actually standing up for me. Not that he didn't always stick up for me, but sometimes it was hard to tell Darry that you didn't like what he was doing.

"Well," Darry said, his voice suddenly getting lower. "Yelling clearly hasn't done her any good."

I think Soda whispered something back, but I couldn't hear what he was saying. Suddenly I felt even worse, knowing that they were discussing something I wasn't going to like. Next thing I knew there was a tap on my door and Soda was standing in front of me, looking kind of pale.

"Come out here," he said, somewhat gently but almost like he was sick himself. "Darry wants to talk to you."

"Can't he come here?" I asked, too scared to move.

"You better do what he says," Soda advised. "He's not happy."

Like I needed him to tell me that.

I went back out to the leaving room, hearing my heart pounding in my head with every step I took. Darry was standing in front of the couch, and when I arrived he pointed to it.

"Sit."

I sat quickly, not wanting to cause more damage.

"You know you should have come home after school, right?" He was asking me this as though I had just done one of the dumbest things I had ever done in my life.

"I know. I said I'm-"

"Don't tell me you're sorry Tiger Lily because I know you're not."

I cringed at the sound of my name but dared not argue with him.

"If you were really sorry you wouldn't have done it in the first place, and you wouldn't have run from Soda when he called you."

I couldn't believe it. Soda had ratted me out for that! I looked up at him, but he just looked away with an ashamed look on his face.

"And if you were really sorry," Darry continued, keeping my attention away from our brother, "you wouldn't have been so quick to try and get out of trouble."

"I didn't try-"

He interrupted me again. "The second you came through that door you were starting to argue with me, and I know that you were going to try and tell me why you shouldn't be in trouble next."

"No I was only-"

"You're still doing it."

"Because you keep interrupting me!"

I sucked in a deep breath the second I said that and shut my eyes tight.

The next voice I heard was Soda's.

"Give her a chance to explain." He was so quiet that he sounded almost scared, but it was enough for me to open my eyes again. The comfort didn't last very long.

"Explain what?" Darry asked angrily. "Explain that she went out after I told her to stay home after school? That she's sorry I had to lie to the social worker and tell her she was staying the night at a friend's house? Explain that even though I've given her tons of chances she's still disobeying me!"

"I mean let her talk," Soda said.

"Fine," Darry said, crossing his arms and looking at me expectantly. "Explain yourself."

I looked back and forth between my two brothers, not really sure what to say.

"Now's your chance Lily."

"Well," I started, "well I ju-just wanted to go out and play. You didn't tell me why I had to stay inside and it's Friday and Mary Alice didn't want to play alone. It's not fair. I didn't know the social worker was coming over. You never told us."

He waited for a second to see if I was going to say anything else, then spoke.

"First of all, I don't care what you wanted to do, you never go anywhere without telling someone first. We've been through this before, remember? And second, I do not have to explain anything to you. I am in charge in this house and when I tell you not to do something then you listen. So when I told you to come home after school then you should have done it, even if you didn't want to. I don't have to tell you things if I don't want to. I am the one who keeps this roof over your head and puts food in your mouth, and unless you want to be taken away and go live somewhere else then you will do as you're told."

I am the one who keeps this roof over your head and puts food in your mouth. I had heard that line many times before. It was something my dad used to say to my brothers when they were in trouble, only I never thought that I would hear Darry say it, especially not to me.

My oldest brother crouched down in front of me at an uncomfortably close distance to my face. "Tell me Lily, do you want to go live somewhere else?"

"No," I said, tears in my eyes because I was afraid he was going to send me away.

"Are you sure. Do you want to go somewhere where there's a family, with parents, with a mom?"

"No!"

He stood up. "Alright then, go to your room."

"What?" I was confused. He wasn't sending me away and now I had to go to my room. "I thought you wanted to talk to me more."

"I told you to go to your room."

Alright, so "go to your room" sounded fine, it was when he added, "and wait for me," that I started to get nervous.

"Wait for what?" I wanted to know, but was too scared to ask.

In my bedroom I sat nervously on my mattress, listening against the wall again to hear what they were saying. I couldn't make out most of it, but what I could didn't sound very good.

"Darry you can't do that," Soda was telling him.

The next thing I understood was, "Parents do it to their kids all the time."

"But this is different."

It was hard to understand them again and the next thing I knew the front door opened and closed, and I new someone had left the house.

I could hear footsteps in the hall and I was worried Darry was going to kill me and never tell anyone, but he didn't kill me. Instead he calmly opened my door and said, "Come with me."

For some reason I didn't have a problem getting off the bed and following him down the hall to this bedroom. It was when he closed the door behind him that I started to get worried again, but I didn't say anything.

"This has to stop Lily," he started as he sat down on his huge bed. "I know you don't always like the rules I give you but that's just the way things have to be if we are going to get to stay together. You are old enough to know better than to do a lot of the things you do, and I'm not letting you get away with it."

"You never let me get away with it," I reminded him, and was surprised when he didn't get angry.

"Well it's going to be different now. If you want to break the rules and stop listening to me then that's fine, but you're going to have to face consequences for it. Every time you stay out after I tell you to come in, every time you lie to me, every time I get a note home from your teacher, you are going to get a spanking. You aren't-"

"You can't spank me!" I cried, not wanting to hear the rest. I had suspected this was why he had taken me into his room, but I didn't want to believe it.

"Don't tell me what I can't do," he said sharply.

"But I'm nine years old! I'm almost ten! Nobody ever spanked me before! I'm too old now."

"You're not too old," he assured me.

"Says you, besides, I'm a girl."

He laughed. "What's that go to do with it?"

"You can't spank girls."

"Oh really?" he asked. "And who made up that rule?"

"I don't know. Who made up spanking?"

He rolled his eyes. "Come on Lily, this isn't a joke."

"I'm not joking. I don't want a spanking."

"I know, that's why it's a punishment."

I was starting to feel helpless. "I promise I won't be bad again."

"I'll bet," he said before grabbing my arm. He must have noticed that I was inching towards the door, because I suddenly found myself standing right in front of him, my wrists locked in his strong grasp.

"Dar-ry!" I begged, trying to squirm away.

"Hold still a second," he ordered, and I did as I was told. "Now listen. I know you don't want a spanking, which is exactly why you're getting one. Nothing else has worked with you and so I'm going to try this out instead. I'm not doing this because I really want to Lily, I just want you to think twice before you do things."

"I will think twice. I will!"

"Then this will just help remind you."

"Easy for you to say," I said, trying to get free again. "Nobody ever hit you."

He snorted. "Don't kid yourself."

I don't know what he was thinking, but a second later he let go of me, probably thinking that it would only be for a second, but I saw my chance and it took it. In a flash I had his door open and was running into my room. He was fast though, and I didn't even have my door closed the whole way before he was up behind me, hollering like usual.

"You shouldn't have done that!" he said while I struggled to get my door shut. I couldn't put up much of a fight though and in a second he was in the room and had grabbed me around the waist.

"No!" I screamed, kicking as he dragged me to the closest room, which happened to be the kitchen. "Let go of me!"

"Stop it!" he said, pulling a chair out from the table. He sat down and then grabbed my shoulders and quickly threw me across his lap, but I wasn't having any of it.

"It's not fair!" I shrieked, trying to get up. He held me down easily with one hand though, so I started punching him in the leg.

That's when he pulled my dress back and gave me a sharp smack on my seat. I yelped in surprise, not so much because it hurt but because he had actually hit me.

"I hate you!" I screamed, struggling even harder than before.

"That's fine," he said, "you're still going to listen to me." With that he started smacking me more, lightly at first but soon he was hitting harder, and I was really starting to get upset.

I guess I had never really thought of it before, but this was not what I had expected a spanking to feel like. My skin felt dry, like it was being stretched with every slap. I was kicking and flailing like a mad woman but it didn't seem to bother him. He just kept hitting me like he was out to prove something.

"Please Darry! I'll be good. I'm sorry!"

"You weren't acting very sorry, trying to run away like that."

"I only did - I just - you're hurting me!" I couldn't think properly through the pain to explain to him that I had only run because I was scared. He must have known that, and yet he wasn't letting up either.

"I want you to be good Tiger Lily," he said, delivering a smack to the lower part of my bottom, which was surprisingly more uncomfortable than other spots.

"I will be good!" I promised, not bothering to tell him that I hated being called "Tiger".

"I know you'll be good, because you don't want another spanking, do you?"

"No - oh, owe!"

He had just sent a couple more swats down and believe me, I was not enjoying it one bit.

"Let me up now!" I cried, sure that I couldn't handle the pain anymore.

"Another thing," he said, and gave me three sharp spanks. "Stop trying to tell me what to do. You are nine years old and I am twenty. You have no right to try and order me."

"Okay I won't do it again!"

He stopped then, but I had a feeling from the way that he still held me down that he wasn't done yet.

"Do you have any idea how mad I was when I found out that you weren't home today?" he asked. "I'm not trying to be mean just to make your life miserable, I actually have reasons for telling you what I do, but you're not making things any better for yourself when you refuse to listen."

"Sometimes I just forget," I tried to reason, but he wasn't having any of it.

"Well, you're not going to forget this time, are you?"

"No." I hoped for a moment that he was going to let me up, but no such luck. The spanking started again, and this time is was harder and faster. Up until this point I had been so focused on getting away from him that not one single tear had come to my eye, but after what I had already endured I couldn't take it anymore. I went from being completely dry eyed to having tears falling down my cheeks, and I couldn't understand why Darry wasn't affected by any of it.

"I'm s-sorry!" I sobbed. "Please let me go!"

"Are you going to come home after school when I tell you to?"

"Uh huh."

"Are you going to do something after I tell you not to?"

"Yes - I mean no!" I hadn't really been listening to him, just giving him the answers I thought that he wanted. I was bawling like a baby now and felt awful about it, not so much because I was in pain but because of the position that I was in. If anyone came into the room, and there was a pretty good chance of that happening in my house, I would have been mortified. Here I was with my dress hiked up to show my panties and screaming bloody murder, and I'm sure that it would have been quite something for one of those pesky boys to see.

"I just don't understand why you can't listen," he said, hitting hard enough to let me know that he was still angry. "You don't need to-"

He stopped talking then and immediately stopped the spanking too. I didn't know what was going on but two seconds later I found myself being carried back to my bedroom, put down none too gently on my mattress, before Darry walked away.

"Stay in there!" he hollered after he closed the door, and a minute later I heard the front door slam shut, and a moment after that his car started. I wasn't sure what had just happened, all I knew was that Darry had just taken off on me.

I couldn't think much about that though. Instead I buried my face in my pillow, sobbing to myself not only because I was in pain, but more so because I felt sorry for myself. I could feel the pain more now than I had been able to during the spanking, and it wasn't pleasant. It wasn't going away and I didn't think it ever would, but that wasn't the worst of it. I felt absolutely humiliated. I knew that nobody had been around to see it but I was sure that everyone would soon know, even the other kids in the neighborhood. I never wanted to face the world again, never wanted to leave my bedroom.

I didn't know why I was so embarrassed, after all, kids got hit all the time, but I felt awful about it. It was because Darry hated me, that's why he had done it. I had been so bad, so terrible that I had actually made him hate me. That explained why he left too, because he couldn't bear to look at me.

I tried to cry myself to sleep but it just wasn't working. It was the worst feeling in the world, knowing that I had actually driven someone to hate me.