[This chapter begins with Peeta continuing to remember some events from the Victory Tour]
I don't bother to knock on the door of her train compartment as I walk inside. Katniss probably wouldn't answer if I did, and I'm carrying a tray of food.
Walking over to the bed, I see that Katniss is curled up like a cat. She's clutching one of the soft train blankets and wearing a dress she brought from home.
"Katniss?" I say as I sit on the bed with the tray on my lap. "I brought you something to eat, but Effie says you have to start coming to meals again."
She still doesn't move, and I lay my hand on her shoulder.
"Later," she says as she sleepily opens her eyes.
"Please eat, Katniss. Effie's blaming me for all of this."
"Why would she blame you?"
Katniss readjusts the blanket and the way her arms are supporting her head.
I hesitate, not wanting her to know what Effie thinks if she can't guess on her own.
"She just does," I finally answer.
Katniss closes her eyes and looks like she's trying to go back to sleep. Apparently she's satisfied with my vague answer which is a relief to me. I could imagine her jumping up, finding Effie, and explaining in embarrassing detail that all her assumptions are wrong. Katniss would probably make me sound very undesirable in the process. I'm more like disposable, but that's not important right now.
"She wants you to see a doctor when we get to District 3," I continue.
"Why? For more sleeping pills? No thanks. You and I both know what's wrong with me."
"Yes, but Effie doesn't really understand what's bothering you, Katniss. To Effie, this tour is mostly still a very well-organized party. Please eat something. Regardless of what Effie thinks, you need to do that. Remember when you made me eat when I was sick during the games?"
"That was different; you were dying."
"No, that was different because it was me. You protect other people, but you don't take care of youself."
She doesn't move. Katniss can be so stubborn!
I sit the tray on the floor, being careful not to break any of the fancy dishes. Provoking Effie further isn't something I want to do. I've already received an exhaustive lecture on "responsibility" from her today. Katniss would have heard it too if Haymitch hadn't proclaimed that Katniss "needs her rest." He had to stifle a chuckle, but Effie didn't notice. I just shook my head at him.
Of course, Haymitch is well aware that Katniss and I kept our distance from each other during the time between the games and the Victory Tour. Katniss spent every Sunday with Gale though. I wonder if Haymitch has considered that fact. I certainly have.
"This tour is another game, Katniss. If you give up now, Snow wins. You forfeit. Neither of us can afford for you to do that."
"I thought you were tired of being a piece in their games, Peeta."
"Sometimes you have to be to survive," I admit. "What do you think we are doing when we go to these events and play the role of 'victor' that they've assigned to us? We have a purpose though, to try to protect the people we love."
"Then the games never end, do they?"
"Maybe they don't, but there are ways to play on our own terms. They'll never completely control us as long as we can think for ourselves."
/
Someone shook my shoulder and called my name. I opened my eyes to see that it was one of the nurses, and she looked a little frightened.
"What's wrong?" I asked her.
She stepped back, but she didn't say anything.
"Hello, Peeta." The new doctor said cheerfully. "How are you feeling today?"
"Today? Has a day passed?"
"It's 5 am. A little more than half a day has passed," he clarified. "How do you feel about your visit to the cafeteria?"
"I think it is obvious that it was a complete failure. I managed to alienate every friend I have left including Delly."
"No, Delly's been here all night actually. I sent her home to get some rest just now."
"Then the cafeteria trip resulted in an episode – does that matter?" I inquired.
"Yes, but the episode appeared to be mild. Was it mild to you? What were you experiencing or remembering?"
I wondered if I really had to tell him.
"The Victory Tour," I said.
"Something sentimental?"
"Why do you ask?"
"You said her name…you sounded mildly upset at one point. Gale's name came up. You were calm at other times."
"This really isn't relevant! I don't want to talk about it. I'm pretty sure Katniss was sick on the Victory Tour, and I tried to take care of her. We were friends. That's all there is to tell. Drop it!"
"Anything that gets you that upset is very relevant, Peeta. We'll move on if that's what you prefer though. Plutarch wants to get some television footage of you training with the new recruits for the invasion of the Capitol. The guards will take you over to the training fields in a couple of hours."
I feel my insides contract and my eyes open wider. How in the world can he think I'm capable of that? I can't even have lunch without falling into an episode.
"That's ill-advised. I'm the crazy one, and even I know that."
"Ill-advised or not, that's what we've been ordered to do. You haven't been here long, Peeta. That's how this place works…you follow orders. Just do your best to stay away from thoughts and people that trigger episodes. You know…like Katniss."
/
Avoiding Katniss proved impossible. The trainer and camera crew put me with her group for physical conditioning immediately. I tried to avoid eye contact with Katniss even though I knew it would make me look crazy. Safety was more important than pride.
Johanna would normally have been a support to me, but I didn't know what to say to her since she'd called me a "mutt" in front of the others at lunch. So I avoided her too.
Amazingly, I managed all the physical conditioning for the day except the extended run. I was excused from that anyway because of my prosthetic leg.
"Soldier Mellark," the trainer said after lunch, "you're to report to for stage1 training over there."
He pointed to the other side of the field where a group of boys was assembling.
I dutifully walked over and was ordered to turn around and face in the direction from which I'd just come. The other recruits were ordered to line up too. It was unfortunate that they chose to assemble the group that way.
All I could see was Katniss standing with Gale at the shooting range, and Katniss had a gun!