Listen guys, I know this story is pretty angsty and if you want to leave because of that, that's okay. So I'm warning you right now, this one is even worse. And I've got to let you know that Elsa and Anna will have their happy ending. Just trust me.

Warning: Hanna moment.

My mouth and eyes were widened, looking at the glass display of countless of instruments.

The day was quiet and I had my Grandpa walk around the streets with me for a while. We'd always do this together. And every day, I would come across this music store. I could hear all the classic music in there from the outside. I'd never seen anyone come in and out of there before. Maybe one or two, but that was about it. I figured it was probably filled with expensive instruments and equipments.

I was flabbergasted by the sight of the strings, the keyboards, the drumsticks, the mouthpiece... anything and everything.

But there was this one instrument that always caught my attention.

Pressing my forehead against the glass display, tiny hands placed flat against it, I smiled widely at the violin colored brown, a tall bow standing tall next to it.

"Elsa, Pabbie can't run that fast you know?" he huffed as he walked up to me. He put his hand on my shoulder, smiling beside me.

I looked up to him. "Pabbie?"

"Hm?"

"What's that called?" I pointed at the violin. He stared at the instrument, smiling as if it brought him nostalgia.

"It's called a violin."

"A vio... lin?"

He nodded. "It came from the family of string instruments like... a guitar, a bass, etc. It's most related to a cello and a viola."

I listened intently as he went on deep with the instruments, telling me where it originated from... when it was first made... who created it. I never understood it.

"I'm telling you all this, but you might be too small to understand, Elsa," he chuckled. He was right, I was a bit confused. "You'll understand everything when you get older."

And perhaps, I would understand everything. The past, the present, the future.

"Pabbie, do you play one?"

He nodded, proudly. "I do. I can teach you, if you want." And I was excited. It looked interesting to get a hand on it anyway.

I knew Jack played the piano. Did he love it? I wasn't sure. Grandpa was strict with him and I had to watch and learn. He had great expectations. We were his pride. I was the only one who never touched an instrument or to get any knowledge of them. I wanted to try.

Maybe with this violin, I could.

I nodded with anticipation. He was thinking, looking at the price tag placed in front of it and grimaced. I tilted my head to one side.

"A hundred thousand..." he mumbled.

"Pabbie?"

He blinked, smiling down on me as he got down to my level. "You really want it, Elsa?"

I looked at him confused and nodded with excitement. "Mmhm! Why?"

With that, he laughed and took my hand. "Nothing, sweetie. You'll take very good care of it right? Like a baby?"

"Like a baby."

Grandpa nodded, mumbling an 'okay' to me. He took my hand and I squeezed his. "Let's go in. I'm sure I can make a few adjustments for you. Do you want it look pretty?"

I wondered for a second. Blue was a beautiful color, but so was white. White as snow. "I want it to be white!" I shouted, pumping my tiny fist up. He laughed, giving me the cheeriest sound ever.

"Anything you want, my princess."

What's wrong with me?

I stared at the wall, my heart empty. Tears continued to flow and I still had no idea I was still crying.

What have I done?

I wrapped myself in my arms. They were shaking badly and I had no clue on how to stop it. Everything felt empty and the air was heavy. My heart ached badly and words, curses, pictures and everything were just juggling in my mind. I swallowed and I could not get myself to look at the door. I was waiting for her. For her to come back so that I could apologize.

A bitter laugh sounded.

This wasn't something that could be fixed with just an apology. No, this was unfixable. I brought this upon myself. And yet, I was just sitting on the floor with nothing but empty thoughts accompanying me.

She remembers.

I thought I was going to go crazy as I got deep into my thoughts.

Fingers pulled on my hair. Why was I doing that? To get rid of this pain?

"Snow... flake..." I whispered to myself. That word sounded horrible coming out of my tongue. But she remembered me, she knew me... she's not going to acknowledge me. Not like this anyway. With the mess I was, I realized I deserved this.

Am I a monster?

Tears rolled down my cheeks and my throat was caught in a lump. I was a monster. And that thought swirled inside of my head. I was a monster that never learned from her mistakes. I was that kind of monster that would do the same thing over and over again just to hurt the same person I cared so much about.

Fear was my biggest threat. And yet, I did what fear told me to do. To kiss another girl. To hurt the other girl. Why? Anna was the one I cared most about, the one I feared most. Maybe I was too blind.

Belle and I were never meant to be. But there she was below me, her arms around me as I made my move on her. It wasn't to shut her up. I knew how I felt. The pounding of my heart filled my eardrums and I could not hear what Belle was saying as she looked at me with such caring eyes. It had to be something absurd.

There I was in front of her and sending her a deafening glare to scare her off. But I knew it wouldn't be that easy.

My shoulders shook as I cried hard. My lips hurt as I bit to stiffen the loud cries.

And there she was... staring at me with love. The peck on my hand still lingered.

I stared at my hand and it was as if I was seeing that kiss... as if I was seeing dirt, I tried rubbing it off furiously. There was really nothing there. "G-Get off..." I cried, nails scratching at nothing but pale skin turning bright red. I swore I saw dirt. But yes, I was dirtied... unclean... disgusting.

My lips felt dirty, giving her what she wanted and what I thought I needed.

I wiped my lips furiously from the imaginary dirt. Where was my dignity? My pride? Who am I? What am I?

They just wouldn't come off!

So I gave up and curled myself up in a ball. I admitted, I was disgusting. And I contaminated Anna with this filth I had for all these years.

The door opened with a beep.

"Ma'am?"

It was Olaf. His steps were soft as he walked towards me cautiously. I noticed his hand coming up to reach out for me, but he kept his distance.

"Miss Snow, are you alright? I just saw..." he trailed off when I picked my head up. My eyes were blank, staring at him like I was broken. I took a deep breath.

"Miss..."

"Olaf."

"Y-Yes?"

"Who am I to you?"

He frowned, his quietness filling the air. "Answer me," I demanded. He looked afraid for once. Confused, even. He wasn't to blame, anyway.

"You're... my boss."

"Is that all?" He didn't answer that. It wasn't all, for all I know.

"Olaf."

"Ma'am."

"Do you think there's something wrong with me?"

He suddenly took a deep breath. Was he annoyed by me? "May I ask... why you are asking me this? What happened to—"

"Because I drove her away. She remembered and I... I just drove her away." He stayed silent. Perhaps he was too in shocked.

"I-I just saw her..." he said in panic. "I-I'll go after her and convince her to come back—"

"That won't be necessary." A half-hearted reply. I was thankful for him at this time. Despite us having such a complicating friendship for all those years, he was always the supportive one. I wished that one day, he wouldn't act so kind for me. I could never really deserve such act from someone like him—or... anyone. Not even Belle. Not even Anna. I deserved suffering.

"But—"

"Is there something wrong with me?" I asked again. My voice was shaking. He just stood there. What else did I expect from him?

"No, ma'am, there's nothing wrong with you."

I laughed. That wasn't the answer I wanted. "The truth. Olaf... I've known you for years, come on, tell me the truth. "

"That's the truth."

You fucking liar.

I sighed, leaning my head against the wall and I looked up to the marble ceiling. I could see the blurry reflection of me and even then, I was disgusted. I could not stand to look at myself. I closed my eyes.

"Olaf... she left..." I mumbled. He stayed where he was and he stayed strong. His posture was tall and straight and I was a mess. I needed to learn from him. How could he maintain such a sturdy expression was beyond me.

I turned to him, smiling like I was crazy. I felt broken. This wouldn't be the first time.

"Olaf... I messed up. I did it again."

He wasn't sure of what to say. But I would never force him to respond back to me. Olaf's eyes were soft and he pitied me. He put his hands behind him and sighed.

"I'm sorry, Elsa."

"You... You all knew..." I was going go crazy as I paced myself back and forth in Hans' home. I whimpered, shaking. Shivering fingers were pulling out strands of hair, trying to get rid of all this pain in my heart, the confusion in my mind. I couldn't handle this anymore. I wanted to quit. To die, if that's the right term.

"A-Anna... please—"

"YOU ALL FUCKING KNEW!" I shouted, tears streaming down my cheeks and I had to push him away from me. He wasn't surprised, letting me hit him, letting me push or hurt him with all my might. But this anger I had... this disappointment, regret, sadness... It wasn't enough to get rid of it.

"Anna, listen—"

"YOU'RE ALL FUCKING LIARS! ALL OF YOU!" I pushed him once again and he was plopped down on the couch. "WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS?!"

He quickly got up and I was in his arms. I kept pounding him, yelling at him with all my might but he didn't care.

"Anna... I'm sorry..."

"FOR WHOSE SAKE?!" I shouted, my voice shaking up as I cried. "FOR WHOSE SAKE ARE YOU DOING THIS FOR?!"

"Anna, it's for both of you—"

STOP LYING TO ME! Just... stop it..." I was so sick of it. No more. I had enough of this bullshit.

I hated all the new old memories. What was the point? I continued hitting him, maybe hoping that it'd give me a solid answer or an excuse. And I needed one badly.

For once, just this once, I wanted to forget that I remembered everything, forget that Elsa and I ever existed together.

When I finally stopped with just a little energy left to cry, I poured all my emotions into one big weeping. Tears stained his shirt and my arms were crushing his big body, but he didn't care. Hans was calm and patient. I was angry and nothing but comfort could stop this anger. This was working.

And Elsa... No. I left and this was what I needed to do. She was nothing but a liar... poison... a fucking mess. I'd never know what she wanted with me or with anyone in general and I'd never know how I managed to be with her for all these months until now. I had my doubts and regrets. Every time I looked at her, they wouldn't disappear. And yet, I stayed for her.

I should've left sooner.

And maybe if I did, this pain I had would be far more tolerable.

Being with her was like waiting for my turn to die.

I continued to cry on him and he continued to say sweet little nothings into my ear. Elsa would always do that—no, please.

"Shh... it's okay. You'll be okay... do you want to sit?"

It took me a while to give him a respond but he slowly and patiently took me to the couch. He sighed as he watched my sniffle. Green eyes trailed down to see me playing with my fingers, twiddling my thumbs. My hands were in his now and he squeezed. I stared at him, confused.

"I... really didn't know, Anna," he said, sighing regretfully. "I didn't know she would find you—"

"15 years ago..." I started. "You... you knew about Elsa. You were the one who always—"

"Bully her?" He looked into my eyes. What's so funny? "Good old times, right?"

I stayed silent. Wherever this was going, I had mixed feelings. He took a deep breath as he stretched out his back. "But... I've changed. I don't want to be the bad guy here, Anna."

"You knew about all this, I'm the victim here!" I growled. He just smiled.

"I know and I'm sorry. I'm sorry that Elsa became like this... I'm sorry that you were left in the dust... but I'm here for you, Anna."

Bullshit.

He took a deep breath and adjusted himself on the couch. "I remember how after Elsa left... you were left alone. You were always in the sandbox in that park, building snowmen and singing this little song, pretending that they were you're friends."

No words came out and the sudden tightness of my chest was steadily decreasing. He was a good distraction. A comforting one, I must say.

My memories were foggy, but that part seemed familiar. The song? I was not able to recall.

"I... pitied you." He shook his head, laughing these ridiculous memories. "I was only 9 years old, pretending to be a tough guy and acted like I was much better than everyone else. But in reality... I was just..." He sighed and I had not seen such tender expression by him ever. His eyes sparkled and I wondered if he was going to cry.

"In reality... I was just jealous."

Jealous?

And my breath was taken away when he suddenly embraced me in his arms, tightly. I blinked, eyes wide and confused. I could feel his heart pounding, louder and faster. I could feel his breathing. And somehow, I found this relaxing to my ears and to feel him giving me his warmth.

The stiffness around my body was still not going away.

"I was jealous," he said, voice soft and shaky. My eyes widened. Oh no.

"Jealous of Elsa..." he whispered into my ears. No... this was wrong.

"What she could do... how she could make you smile... make you laugh... it felt like I was getting punched in the guts over and over again..."

This couldn't be happening. "Hans..." I pushed him away. "You don't—"

He suddenly grabbed my hand, placing it against his chest. "Do you feel it beating? It hurts." It was beating fast. "It hurts to see you like this. Anna..." I hadn't noticed I was crying again until he placed a hand, caressing my cheek. And he was crying along with me. I felt protected. Safe. Warm.

What did we want?

"Anna, do you know how I feel?"

I stayed in shocked and disbelieved, but I knew... deep down in my heart, I knew what this feeling was and it scared me. This tightness in my chest wasn't because of her. It was because of him. He'd always been there for me when I never realized. He was the one who always cared for me. And the reason why he treated me so well wasn't because we were best friends... it was because of—

And hurriedly, I took his jaw in my hand and pulled him towards me, kissing him and letting him fill me up with his affection. He wasn't surprised. I sighed into him, giving him my all as I wrapped my arms around him and he wrapped his arms around me.

This is wrong.

He grabbed my waist, hands going under my shirt, fingers softly caressing my skin.

This is so fucking wrong.

His hands weren't like Elsa... they weren't as soft... as big—she had pretty small hands for a woman like her— I left her. I ignored the tears that were streaming down, sparkling through the afternoon sunlight. I wanted more of his embrace glowing with kindness. No one could hurt me, no one could control me, no one could push and pull me.

I felt his tongue and I granted him permission. He was eager, but careful and I moaned, feeling his hands riding up towards my bare stomach—

And realization sparked inside of me. I immediately pushed him away from me, looking at him with... a look of confusion. I wouldn't say I was disgusted. Not at him. But... but for me, I was disgusted with myself.

The awkwardness lingered and I could not stand to make eye contact with him.

What was this? Lust? Was this what I craved for?

No, I was just confused and very much in need for someone to help me out. I sighed with guilt and he let out a cough to prevent more awkwardness. "Hans... I—"

"Anna, this is..." he sighed. "This isn't what you want, right?"

I looked down to my hands and I pressed my face against my palms. What did I want?

"In the end... if you don't know how you feel and just decide to... do this with me, you're only going be hurt again." He was hesitant when he decided to put his arms around, rubbing my back tenderly.

I didn't say anything, mind blowing up with angry thoughts. Of course, I couldn't have mistaken the heart pounding feeling I had for Hans. I felt it and somehow, I loved it. But there Elsa, the girl who broke my heart twice and yet, I still stayed until now. My feelings for her was still there, but scattered apart. Maybe I was in denial of my feelings for him.

He sighed. "Elsa wouldn't want to see you like this. You know I wouldn't either."

Still, I didn't respond. It wasn't like I couldn't... I just wouldn't. What could I say that wouldn't hurt him or me? I knew Elsa wouldn't want to see me like this... I wouldn't want to see her crying either. But we'd hurt each other, there were no choice.

"Anna..." he whispered. "I can't force you into something that you don't want."

Still nothing. And when I didn't respond to him, he felt angry. But, I wouldn't blame him. I acted first with linger feelings with Elsa still inside of me. He was putting up with me and I was grateful.

"Are you hungry?" he asked. "I'll cook."

Finally, I managed to look at him and smile poorly. "Yes, please."

"Good, now why don't you forget about everything that has happened. I'll be in the kitchen if you need me. Help yourself with anything you want to do."

And once he got up, trying to walk away to the kitchen, I grabbed his wrist. I didn't even realize that my hand was tightly gripping on him until he turned.

"Anna?"

I was right, the feelings I had for him was there. Maybe it'd been there for a long time and I hadn't noticed. He was always like a brother to me, after all and just thinking of having him as someone that I deeply loved and cared about sounded insane. Oh, poor young middle school me.

I swallowed. "Do you... love me?"

"Yes." And I was surprised that he looked so serious as if he knew what I was going to ask.

"Do you..."

"I care about you."

With that, I gave him a silent nod. And yet, I still couldn't smile. I was avoiding him. I let him go, eyes looking down to the ground. Was this what I wanted to hear? The words that Elsa would always tell me? They were both filled with love and they were all so serious that I couldn't help but believe. My heart pounded but I was denying whatever I had for Hans. I belonged to her—no, not anymore. I was free.

"Anna, I love you."

This was wrong... but Hans and I... we'd been friends for years. We had something special, I just never admitted to it. Maybe I was scared of hurting... being played at... loving—

"Okay."

Whatever happened to Miss Smith and Elsa... I wouldn't know.

Miss Smith left crying and hadn't come back since hours ago. It was already midnight when I came back from the company to put some effort on some last minute work to Elsa. Whatever those old men offered, I had to deny them or have them extend the deadlines. After all, I needed to think like Elsa and things wouldn't be pretty if I didn't.

"Miss Snow?" I opened the door and I heard no one coming out to greet me. It wasn't rare for Elsa not to come out. The place was dark. Elsa always loved the darkness and the lights that came from the stars and the moon. She'd always look up to the sky with a glass of wine. One day, she told me why she'd always do that. And once I realized, I felt happy for her and found it very precious.

Today was a full moon.

I hung my jacket up near the entrance and I found her by the kitchen, sitting behind the counter.

"Miss Snow, perhaps you might want some dinner—"

I frowned and my heart shattered, seeing her like this... tears staining her cheeks, bottles of empty wine and whiskey spread all over the marbled surface... spilled beverage dripping down the counter and on her. Slowly, I put my hand on her back, soothing her. I hadn't realized that my hands were shaking. The sight of her looking like this now, I found it disgusting. She wouldn't do this.

"Miss Snow..."

It was a surprise that she blacked out. Elsa had an extremely high tolerance for alcohol.

And surprisingly she managed to open her eyes slowly as I continued to nudge awake.

"Anna...?" Her voice was soft and raspy and she lifted her hand to caress my cheek. I shook my head and took her hand. I hoped she wouldn't notice me shaking.

"No, Miss Snow..."

She didn't say anything, just staring at me emptily. "Olaf..."

"Yes...?" I wiped her tears, hoping and praying that she'd be okay. She grinned and tears continued to roll down. How long had she been like this?

"I love her..."

"Of course."

"She means the world to me..."

"I know."

"And yet... I destroyed it..."

"I'm sorry."

"There's something wrong with me..."

"Miss, there's nothing wrong with you."

And she looked at me as if I was crazy for thinking that. The Elsa I knew wasn't crazy. Perhaps... confused, but... nothing like that. And for a whole minute, we stayed silent until I heard her whimper again. Immediately, I hugged her and told her everything would be okay.

"I... want Anna back..." she cried, covering her face with her arm. And just like that, I couldn't stand looking at her. She was back to being a girl who I once knew. But this was not what I wanted to see. For all these years, all I ever wanted from her was for her to be happy. Was it too hard?

I wiped her tears as she continued to weep. Her cheeks were rosy.

And by the time she stopped weeping like a baby, I comforted her and watched her as she was finally in peace. I worried that she would get another nightmare, so I let her sleep by the counter for a bit. For the mean time, I cleaned up the mess she made. It reeked of alcohol in here, but it was tolerable. My level of tolerance in alcohol wasn't nearly as high as Elsa's of course. I had to put up with it... with her.

"Miss..." I nudged her when I finished cleaning. Her arms dropped to the side and she was sleeping like a baby. Tears still streamed down from her beauty. I smiled and wiped them off.

Slowly, and I was careful to not wake her, I carried her in my arms bridal style. Her head leaned against me. I looked at her, walking to the bedroom. The bitterness in her expression never really disappeared. Maybe happiness just wasn't enough for her. And whatever Miss Smith gave her... she didn't have enough. I wouldn't imagine Elsa turning to Belle, but I doubt that. And if that was the case, I wouldn't blame Miss Smith for leaving.

I placed her down on the bed, tucking her in cozily.

Just looking at her right now warmed my heart. She looked just like how she was during high school like this. Beautiful was the word to describe her—no, she looked fragile.

"Anna..." she slurred, frowning. Was she dreaming? "Please... come back..."

"Shh... it's okay... I'm here..."

I wouldn't want to wake her up. I considered on staying for the night, I'd have to be there for her anyway. She was such a bother... but it was a nice bother.

My fingers ran through her fringes and she sighed, slowly falling silent. I chuckled, satisfied. It was something that would calm her down like always. I wondered if Miss Smith knew about it.

Why I still stayed by her side for all these years, I never really understood. There was a part of me who wanted to care for her, make her feel like the happiest girl in the world—which was difficult—but there was this other side. To leave her. But I didn't because everyone that she cared about had left for the sake of not getting hurt. And even though I'd been in that situation many times, I stayed loyal. I never cared for my happiness when I first met her, only hers was worth caring for.

Bending over, I pressed my lips on her forehead for a bittersweet kiss. This was the only time I'd be able to do this. I wasn't worth being in such precious arms of her—no, I had no chance... but if it would heal my heartache that I had to endure for all these years, just one little kiss... maybe that'd cure me. At the very least, it'd make me spark with happiness.

"Good night, love."