Cas,
You let me down. You let me walk into that room and torture my torturer. You let me give in to the me that was supposed to stay downstairs. You let it all happen. You didn't come to stop it. You didn't come in and change your mind. You didn't do anything until I couldn't breathe and thought for sure that I was about to die again. I thought you were better than them. I thought I could trust you to at least want me to be a good person. I thought I could trust that you wanted to leave that part of me in hell where he belongs but you did it. You brought me topside. You told me to do it. You gave me the instruments. You did this to me. And then you come confessing to me that it was all for nothing. You come to me confessing that you knew you were too late to raise me from hell after I jump started the apocalypse. I hate myself, Cas. I hate myself and I hate what Sam became and is becoming and I hate you for doing this to me. I hate you so fucking much, Cas.
-DW
Cas,
For the first time last night I dreamed of a blue eyed, brown haired, serious faced man. I dreamed of his lips on mine. I dreamed of casually laughing with him over his tie being backwards. I dreamed of you, Cas. I dreamed of you every night. It doesn't matter how mad I am at you or how much I want to hate you. I can't get you out of my head.
It matters and stuck out because the only thing I'd been able to dream about since I got back from hell was the torture and the torturing. The screams and the fear. The souls and the demons. But I saw you. I dream a good dream for the first time in a long time and it's you.
-DW
Cas,
There's something about you. I try to hate you. I wake myself up from dreams about you. I go against things that you tell me. I fight against you every chance that I get.
But I can't hate you. I wake up and I want the dreams back. I ache for them. I start doing the opposite of what you tell me to do and I doubt myself and my actions, thinking I need to stop and do what you tell me. I fight against you and wish I would stop.
I don't know what it is about you.
-DW