Maybe I was being overprotective of Amandla. But I can't let her get hurt! I stop myself once again. I've broken yet another promise. I promised to not give up on myself to Bailey. I promised to remember Takeda. I promised to not attempt to kill Wren. I promised I would keep Amandla safe. I promised myself I was going to make her the victor. I already broke my first two promises with the last two.
I'm a failure. I can't even help myself. I need to have someone rescue me so I don't get myself killed. "Don't give up on yourself," Bailey's voice reminds me. That's helpful. I wouldn't even trust myself.
"I remember!" I say desperately. Wren looks at me strangely but makes no comment. I hope they caught that on tape. But the truth is, I haven't put much thought to how Bailey and Takeda are doing. I'm a failure.
"I'm a failure," I mutter.
"No, you aren't." Wren says.
"If only you knew what I promised myself I'd do."
"All three of us are still alive. That's a start."
Maybe I have done something right. His logic does make sense. Sometimes, I need someone to bring everything back into perspective so I won't fall into my thoughts. Pessimism is a curse. Yet it's also a way of protecting myself. If I don't expect anything to go right, I'm either proved right or I'm surprised. I'm afraid of being let down. If I expect the worst, I can't be let down.
Sometimes, though, the worst I imagine isn't as bad as reality. Sometimes, I overthink life. I see everything as a trap, everything needing a strategy. I shake my head. Focus. We're finally at the edge of the woods ringing the center valley.
"Stay back," I tell them. They follow me anyway. I shoot them a deadly look and they both freeze. I look out past the trees. There's the Cornucopia, empty, and the sky says there are ten minutes left. I don't see any Careers, but I don't let that fool me. They're around somewhere. I go back to Wren and Amandla.
"Ten minutes. Do you still have those two knives?" I ask Amandla.
She nods. I take out two knives and give them to Wren. I'm left with a knife, the bow, and six arrows. I find a thick bush for us to hide behind while we wait. Finally, a metallic voice starts counting down.
"Sixty seconds. Fifty-nine. Fifty-eight. Fifty-seven."
The countdown reminds me of the one at the beginning of the Games. I motion for them to get up. They obey.
"Forty-six. Forty-seven."
I tense, getting ready, taking the bow out, and taking a quill Amandla hands me I sling them over my shoulder. I take out my knife.
"Thirty-two. Thirty-one."
I glance nervously at Wren. He has the knives. Amandla is tensing, getting ready to run. Sensing my panic, Wren gives my hand a quick squeeze. I get ready to run.
"Eighteen. Seventeen. Sixteen. Fifteen."
The ground is opening, and something is rising up. It's a table, with a basket full of bread. Small feast, but we're not here for the food.
"Four. Three. Two. One."