A/N: This next chapter begins to move Steve towards the crux of my story. Phew! It's only taken me thirty six chapters to get there! Again, I have to say I've researched as much as I can but it's been difficult, so I also have to admit that there is probably a lot of poetic licence from here on in. If it doesn't sound plausible then I'm sorry, but it is just a story, and I hope you'll continue to enjoy it for what it is.

Chapter 36

The next couple of days had Steve struggling with his anxiety once again. He'd allowed himself to get very rattled by the meeting with Gerry but, over a bowl of Luigi's lasagna later that evening, Mike had talked the case over with him and managed to make him see sense and he'd finally calmed down. It was so unlike Steve to allow something like this to shake him, and it was clear to Mike that events since the night of the fire, had rocked his normally stable world. Now the Hennessey case was just adding fuel to the proverbial flames... another fire they didn't need. Rudy had asked Steve to provide a further report simply to reassert his earlier statement of the events that took place on the night of the Hennessey arrest, but he saw no need for further action to be taken. Witness statements clearly backed Steve up. It was now left to Gerry to put forward the prosecution case in court.

At Mike's suggestion, Steve arranged another meeting with Lenny Murchison where he explained that he was, once again, under considerable stress and finding it a struggle to stay positive. The night prior to his appointment had spooked him when he'd been disturbed by a nightmare again... not of the night of the fire this time, but replaying the incident with Hennessey. Lenny listened intently and talked him through several stress management techniques. He'd also decided to start Steve on a low dose of a benzodiazepine medication called Diazepam, in the hope that it would ease his anxiety. At first Steve was against the use of medication, but when Lenny explained he intended it for short-term use only, he capitulated. Although he left Lenny's office still feeling worried, he was now feeling more hopeful of his ability to control and cope with his anxiety.

It crossed Lenny's mind to wonder if Steve's PTSD was presenting a significant barrier to his ability to work, but Steve assured him that quite the opposite was the case. In fact, it was the time spent at work that was helping him the most. The last thing Steve wanted, or needed, was to be forced to take time off work only to sit at home and brood. Lenny agreed to go along with Steve's request to continue to work, but decided to speak to Mike on the quiet in an effort to ascertain how he was really coping. After chatting privately with Mike later that morning over a coffee in the canteen, Lenny was reassured that Steve was coping well with the mundane office work. Though the work was basic and very necessary, and Steve could do it standing on his head, it was also keeping Steve occupied and making him feel useful at a time when he desperately needed to feel his input to the squad mattered. Mike also stressed that the interaction with his work colleagues was vital to keeping him grounded. As they chatted, both men felt that maybe what Steve really needed was a change of scene. Holidays, for Steve, were usually action packed and, at the moment, the sheer logistics of arranging for him to go on any kind of holiday with his physical disability, meant that was out of the question, even supposing that Steve would be willing to go. No, something else was needed... but what?

The answer came a few days later from quite an unexpected and unlikely source. Steve was feeling quite a lot calmer and more self-assured as the new meds were beginning to kick in. He was on his way back from the lab when he was stopped by Paul Kingdom as he exited the elevator on the fourth floor. Paul reached forward and held the lift for a moment as he spoke.

"Oh, Steve, Mike's been looking for you. He's in with Captain Olsen and he wants you to go straight there."

"Any idea what it's about, Paul?" Steve asked as he turned to make his way along the corridor.

"No, sorry. I'm on my way out to get a late lunch and I was just asked to tell you if I saw you." Paul entered the lift and pressed the button for the first floor.

"Okay, thanks. I'll make my way there."

As Steve swung himself on his crutches along to the Captain's office, he presumed he'd been summoned regarding the Hennessey case. As he went into the outer office, he was greeted by Rudy's secretary as she looked up from her desk. "Hi, Steve. You got the message then? You can go straight in. They're waiting for you," she said with a smile.

"Thanks, Laura." He moved across her office and knocked on the door to Rudy's office. When he heard Rudy's voice telling him to enter, he slowly made his way in. Three men were already seated in the office... Rudy, Mike and another man in a Captain's uniform that he immediately recognised as Jonas Lyle, Captain of the Police Academy. There was another empty chair slightly to the side of Rudy's desk but facing the others.

"Please come in, Steve. Sit down and join us. You know Captain Lyle of course," said Rudy.

Captain Lyle stood and smiled at Steve. He reached towards him and offered his out-stretched hand and Steve leant heavily on one crutch as he shook the Captain's hand and then took the proffered chair.

"It's good to see you looking so well, Steve. That was some rescue you accomplished a few weeks ago. Very brave of you I must say, but I was very sorry to hear you'd been so badly injured. I also heard you'd been very altruistic about it and insisted on coming back to work as soon as you could. I'm sure Mike appreciated your determined efforts to get back to as near normal as possible under the circumstances."

"Oh, there was nothing altruistic about it, Captain. My desire to be allowed back was born out of a desperate need for self-preservation and a fierce desire to protect my own sanity. Basically, after a week at home, I was almost climbing the walls with boredom. The thought of months of the same was what drove me to almost beg to be taken back. Thankfully, Mike and Captain Olsen agreed and here I am."

"And are you happy with the role you're undertaking at the moment, Steve? I mean, general office work must be hard to adapt to after an active life on the streets. Spending your days typing reports for others and chasing up enquiries is hardly what you've been used to."

Steve wondered what Captain Lyle was getting at. Clearly, he must have some hidden agenda to talk to him in this way, but Steve had no idea what it could be. He was beginning to feel a little bothered, which became obvious to the others as he spoke again with the merest hint of sarcasm in his tone.

"Well, it's a case of needs must at the moment, Captain. It was either that or spend six months at home twiddling my thumbs or doing jigsaws, so it was no contest really. Yes, it's basic work that I'm doing, but I like to think it's still valuable work, and I'm getting satisfaction from helping the other guys out. Believe me, I'm more than happy to help out where I can."

"Yes, of course, of course. I'm not trying to belittle what you're doing, Steve, far from it. In fact, I applaud you for it. I can think of many who would have just sat back and enjoyed their long-term paid rest and recuperation. Knowing you from your days at the academy, it doesn't surprise me that you decided otherwise."

"Thank you, Captain. Excuse me for asking, but is there some particular reason why I've been summoned here this morning?" Steve asked. He looked across to Mike, but Mike's face was giving nothing away.

"Yes, there is and, with Captain Olsen's permission, I'll do my best to enlighten you."

"Oh, of course. Yes, Jonas, do go ahead. Be my guest," Rudy said as he stretched his arm out towards both Steve and Captain Lyle.

"For some time, some of my senior training officers at the academy, along with myself, have been thinking of ways to try to update our training techniques. One of the ideas that we're very interested in considering is to introduce a pilot scheme whereby a current serving officer takes on the role of... shall we say... a kind of personal tutor and friend... to the cadets. This is to give the cadets a specific person that they can go to for personal advice away from the constraints of their regular trainers. Someone they can chat to for friendly advice, and to discuss any problems they may have with regard to any difficulties they may be experiencing with the course, or maybe even with regard to anything else in their personal situations that may be affecting their ability to cope with their training. As you will remember from your own period at the academy, any concern that is either realised by a trainer or raised by a cadet, automatically goes down on a cadet's record and may be taken into account in any future decisions that are made regarding their time as a cadet, or in any future placement within the police department. This can make them hesitant to bring up any problems. We're now looking to introduce a more informal approach for cadets to be able to voice any concerns."

"Forgive me for asking, but do you mean a kind of personal nursemaid come snoop for them, Captain, because, if you do, I'm not sure I'm the man for the job?" Steve was finding it hard to understand exactly what the Captain was aiming at and what was expected of him.

Captain Lyle was somewhat taken aback at Steve's forthright attitude. "No, certainly not a nurse maid, not at all, and most definitely not a snoop. Shall we say more of a friendly contact within the academy with no strings attached."

"With respect, it still sounds like a nursemaid to me, Captain."

"Please allow me to continue in more detail, Steve, as there's another avenue we wish to explore that I haven't explained to you yet. Every intake of cadets follows a set training course with pretty much pre-set tutorials. It's tried and tested, and it works well, but the system hasn't been radically overhauled in a long while. Some of us are beginning to see the training course we use as rigid, and possibly somewhat jaded and inflexible, in the light of modern policing. We favour someone, like yourself, talking to the students in an informal classroom or group setting where they would get to discuss things like certain policing strategies such as role-play scenarios and interview techniques, and every day problems they may generally encounter on the streets and how best to overcome them, not from a tried and tested manual, but from the point of view of a currently serving officer. This is the mid 1970's, Steve. It's a time of great flux and change not only in the fabric of society, but also within the police department. The academy needs to change with the times, and we need to bring it up to date with more modern training techniques. The old techniques have served us well in the past, but we want to bring a more human aspect and understanding into their training. Every one of us is a human being with human concerns and human frailties and that includes the cadets. As a general rule, cadets fall into a certain age-group and we want someone of a similar age to convey to the cadets that it's understandable that they will experience concerns from time to time. The key is to be able to recognise them, cope with them and react accordingly in day to day policing scenarios. Basically, I suppose what we want is for them to be able to interact informally with a dedicated police officer who works the streets of San Francisco every day, and to learn what it's like direct from the horse's mouth, so to speak. Many of our trainers are former police officers who have moved over from active duty for one reason or another. From the point of view of theory and the practice of the law, they are absolutely excellent at what they do. However, some of us feel that, as an academy, we are in danger of becoming detached and losing touch with modern day policing from the sharp end of policing... the officer on the ground's point of view. Am I making myself clear, Steve. It's not a nursemaid we want but a guide and helpmate to the personal aspects they can expect to encounter."

Steve had listened carefully to what the Captain had outlined, but now he felt the need to speak out. "May I speak freely, Captain?"

"Of course, Steve. This is an informal meeting and you can say whatever you wish without reservation. Anything you say will go no further than the four of us."

"Thank you, that's good to know. Most of what you've mentioned is already covered by the academy courses and trainers. I can understand why you may want to modify and … er... humanise... it a little more, but do you really need to bring someone in from outside the academy to achieve that? After all, most of the trainers there are former police officers, and they've been through it all themselves in their time in the department. Granted most are of an older age-group, but I'm sure they're not that old that they've forgotten what life on the streets is like. I'm puzzled as to how it will work in practice. Is this a permanent position within the academy that you're aiming to create and, if it is, are you offering it to me, because if you are, you can forget it, sir? I may be injured, but I'm hopeful of almost a complete recovery and I'm not ready to call it a day yet and be put out to pasture." Steve hoped he didn't sound as ruffled and indignant as he felt.

"No, Steve, it wouldn't be permanent. It would merely be for the next few months of your recovery until you are able to return to normal duties. I understand you were told you would be out of active service for maybe up to a total of six months... or possibly longer to reach full fitness. This would be a pilot scheme and you would be our first pilot... so to speak. Once you are able to return to normal duties, and if the scheme proves a success, we would then look for another officer to assume the position you had vacated. Sadly, there are officers who are being injured every day in the SFPD but, like yourself, many have an injury that merely incapacitates them from active duty temporarily, but doesn't necessarily prevent them from carrying out a near normal daily life otherwise. Currently, most of these injured officers are off work on full or reduced pay, but are not able to give anything back to the department whilst they're signed off as unfit. If this pilot scheme works, we could offer such a position to other suitable officers, like yourself, on a short-term basis."

Mike felt the need to step in here. "Captain, may I be allowed to say something please."

"Of course, Mike, any input from you is welcome."

"You're assuming that Steve would be excellent in this position, and I'm sure he has the qualities needed and would be more than capable of fulfilling the role you are offering. However, that's not to say other temporarily incapacitated officers would be able to offer the same quality of support to the cadets as you're hoping Steve may be able to do. From personal experience as his partner, I know that Steve has an innate ability to foresee problems and to interact with people on their level when needed, and to help them find a solution to those problems. He has a remarkable empathy with those that have been the victims of crime, and yet he's also able to remain objective and detached sufficient to do his job. Many police officers have those talents, but not necessarily in the quality or quantity that would seem to be necessary to carry out the task you're expecting of them at the academy."

"You're right of course, Mike. But you're forgetting that I said many police officers are injured and incapacitated every year. Sadly, that's a fact of life and a hazard of the job, but it also gives us a reasonably large pool of officers to choose from and of whom we can ask to consider a temporary post at the academy. Of course, some will want to sit their recovery out and that's their prerogative, but I believe there are many dedicated officers who would be only too happy to keep their minds active during their convalescence by taking up such a position. As I have explained, this is a pilot scheme. Nothing has been definitely decided yet, and nothing is written in stone for the future at this stage."

Steve spoke out again. "So, this brings me to ask the obvious question. This pilot scheme, Captain. Why me? You must have been thinking about this for some time, so you could have picked any injured officer to be your guinea-pig. So, I'm asking... why me?"

It was at this point that Steve caught the merest hint of a look that passed between Mike and Captain Lyle. Steve looked directly at Mike who then cast his eyes downwards, and Steve's suspicions were immediately raised.

Captain Lyle had also caught that look between them and was anxious to defuse trouble before it began. "Why not you, Steve? We have to pick someone to be our guinea pig, as you so succinctly put it, so why not you? You have a tried and proven track record as an excellent police officer, and you are our chosen man for the job." Yet again he gave an almost imperceptible glance at Mike that Steve was quick to catch.

"Has Mike been involved in this? Has he put you up to this?" Steve asked sharply looking from one to the other. "He has, hasn't he? He can't resist getting involved in the planning of my life. What's the matter, Mike? Isn't it enough for you that I fetch and carry for you all day and type your reports for you. You want to ship me sideways into a comfortable niche out of the way. Is that it? Huh?" Steve knew he was having trouble keeping his cool and was in great danger of being disrespectful in front of his senior officers.

"Steve... please... don't take it like that! Now you know I don't feel that way at all. What you're currently doing is invaluable to the efficient running of the homicide squad, and you know I thoroughly appreciate everything you do. You're aware I was at a department planning meeting the other day aren't you? Well, I met up with Captain Lyle there and the subject of your injury was brought up in conversation. Believe me, he was the first to bring it up, not me. The Captain outlined his thoughts for the scheme and asked me if I thought you might be a suitable candidate for their proposed pilot scheme, and I had no hesitation in telling him I felt you would be an excellent choice."

"So you knew about this but didn't see fit to tell me." Steve's belligerence was plain for all to see.

"Because it wasn't my place, Steve! Let me explain. Your sharp intuition has once again twigged that I've been involved, but you've got the wrong end of the stick. Captain Lyle came to me. I didn't make the first move. You must allow me the chance to explain how and why I think this would work. You're a remarkably bright officer, Steve, and it's no secret that the powers that be see a very bright future for you within the department. As Captain Lyle said, you could have been one of those officers that just accepted his sick pay and then sat out his recovery in comfort but, typically, you're not like that. You want to work for what you earn and, even when you're seriously injured, you refuse to just sit on your backside and let others run around after you. What you're doing at the moment is more than worthwhile, but it's not challenging enough for you. We can all see that. This position that Captain Lyle is offering is not instead of working in homicide, it's as well as. The two positions would run side by side."

"Well, I'm sorry if I misunderstood your motives, but nobody told me that, Mike. I thought I was being side-lined for the duration." Steve was trying to sound contrite, but he could sense Mike was not happy with the way he was taking all this by the way he raised his voice.

"Nobody told you because you never gave us a chance! One whiff of being moved out of the office and you jump to the conclusion it's because I don't want you when, in fact, the opposite is the case. To say your talents are wasted doing what you're currently doing is not exactly what I'm trying to say, but it's close. You know I consider your role in homicide to be invaluable whatever form that takes, but you are capable of so much more and you know it. I don't want you spending the next few months in front of a typewriter or shuffling papers for the sake of others, when I know you have the capability to help with this pilot scheme. When Captain Lyle spoke to me the other day and privately mooted the idea he was considering for the academy, I knew you would be perfect for the job and so, yes, I agreed when he put your name forward. I did it for you, Steve. You have approximately another four to five months of enforced restricted activity, and then some considerable period of physical therapy after that to get you back to full fitness. Don't tell me the idea of counselling young cadets doesn't appeal to you as a challenge, because I've seen you in action in that way and I know just how good you are at it." He was thinking of Steve's recent involvement in the turn around with Paul Kingdom and Steve could sense it.

"Mike's right, Steve," chipped in Captain Lyle. "We're not offering you the position purely to side-line you or to prevent you from getting bored, and I want to make it clear that we're not offering it to you because Mike put your name forward. There was a reason why I sought Mike out and approached him at that planning meeting. We've followed your career over the years and we'd already earmarked you as the type of candidate we needed to help us. When we heard how badly you'd been injured it seemed like fate. We've been looking for the ideal candidate and then it just so happened to coincide with your injury. Now, dependent on how this pilot scheme works out, you will be in an excellent position to play an instrumental ground-floor role in helping us to design a blueprint for the future of the academy. You can't deny that would be a challenge for anyone. Is that sufficient explanation for you? How do you feel about it? Would you like to agree to join us or would you like more time to think about it?"

Steve looked long and hard at Mike before averting his eyes and looking towards Captain Lyle. "I guess I was rather hasty in what I implied and I apologise. I guess being out of action has found me on shaky ground and a little touchy about where I belong at the moment. It all sounds very interesting and intriguing when you put it like that, but I'm sorry Captain, I can't make any decision that quickly. I need more time to digest all you've said and to think about all this. I'm a police officer not a teacher, and I'm not sure if I could even handle the post you're offering."

"Of course, I totally understand you need time. We've had months to think about and plan this, and I've sprung it on you suddenly. If you need more information to help you reach a decision just ask. And we're not specifically looking for a teacher, just someone who can interact with cadets on common ground at their level. There would be no set course work to follow or formal testing or exams or anything else like that."

"Well, that's a relief! One thing I need to know is this. Mike said it wouldn't be instead of, but it would be as well as, my current job. How would that work?"

"The three of us have discussed this and, if you're in agreement, we'll put the idea to personnel. They've currently said you can work thirty hours per week part time. We propose you work two days a week at the academy and the rest back in homicide doing what you do now. We're thinking maybe six hours with us from 2.00 pm till 8.00 pm twice a week. There are three intakes of cadets per year, so at any one time we have basic, intermediate and advanced cadets. You would hold an hour long... we'll call it a tutorial for want of a better word... with each class twice a week in the afternoon. The exact details have yet to be fully worked out, but space will be created within their timetable to allow for this. You would have freedom to discuss any topic of policing that you wish to raise with them, or that they may wish to raise with you. As long as it lies loosely within academy guidelines and policy, we would allow you free-rein with them. You would remain after the tutorials for a few hours, and you would have an office to work from where you would make yourself freely available for private consultations or counselling with any cadet that wishes to speak to you after their afternoon classes are finished. These tutorials would not count towards their final marks, and any private sessions would be just that... private. No entries would be made on their records, unless something came up of vital importance that we would need to be made aware of, and only then would it be done so in strict consultation with you and the cadet. The whole success of the scheme relies on the fact that they have to feel they can trust you to be in their corner."

Steve considered what had been said by both Mike and Captain Lyle. Mike was right, as usual. It would be good to get away from the mundane duties in the office and have his capabilities challenged and stretched, and it would be an excellent opportunity to leave his mark on the future training of police officers in the SFPD. He was still hesitant though, and needed time to mull the proposal over. He decided to ask for Rudy's opinion.

"You've been very quiet through all this, Captain Olsen. Do you have any opinion on this proposition? Ultimately, I'm under your command here, so I'd value your input on this."

"Oh, I'm on board with all that's been discussed, and I'm happy for you to be seconded to the academy for the next few months. However, it will be with one proviso... that you return back to us when you're fit. The last thing I want is for you to like working there so much you want to remain there permanently. Now, a lot has been said and there's a great deal for you to think over. I just feel I ought to say that I think it's a great opportunity for you and, who knows, it could also prove to be a spring-board to other unknown avenues in the future for your career. Go away and think about it. It's Tuesday now. Suppose we all meet back here on Thursday at 11.00 am and you can give us your decision then. And, Steve... it's your decision. Don't feel pressured into doing something unless you genuinely feel it's what you want. I can guarantee a negative decision won't affect your standing here in homicide."

"Thank you, sir. I appreciate that. Very well, gentlemen, I'll give you my decision on Thursday." And with that Steve stood and shook hands once more with Captain Lyle, and slowly made his way out of Rudy's office with Mike closely on his heels.

Mike reached out and touched his shoulder briefly. "Steve, we need to talk about this." Mike couldn't hide his anxiety that Steve still considered he'd gone behind his back.

Steve didn't meet Mike's eyes as he replied, "Yes, we do, Michael, but not here and not now. I need some time to myself. There's so much to think about and I won't be able to concentrate in the office, so I'll take myself off for a while. I'll … er... give you a call later."

Steve turned away from Mike and slowly made his way to the elevator to head downstairs and outside. He needed to get out of the building into the fresh air, and he needed time to think. He called a cab from the payphone in the entrance lobby, and decided he'd make his way to the viewpoint high above the Golden Gate Bridge. It was an excellent place to get fresh air and time to himself.

As Steve left, Mike was left standing outside Rudy's office and thinking to himself... he's still angry with me... he called me Michael.