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Second.. Check out my NEW STORY I posted the first chapter to see if I should continue.. Its called shooting star.. Its all about Nessie and Jacob.
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Chapter 36:
His voice was icy cold, And then he slammed the door behind him.
"Jacob!" I yelled and scurried out of the bed.
I ran down the stairs and my family just looked up at me.
"Where'd Jacob go?"
"He bolted out the door." Rosalie smiled. I rolled my eyes at her and ran out the door after him.
"Jake! Wait!" I screamed. He stopped half way into the yard.
His back was toward me.
"Will you look at me? Please?"
"No." his voice was barely above a whisper. His body was shaking.
"I'm sorry. I was going to tell you…"
He just nodded.
"but you weren't there."
"Here." he pulled out a small blue package from his pocket and tossed it on the ground behind him. "That's where I went!"
I bent down and opened the package.
"The flowers are outside your room." he said bitterly.
I finished opening the package to reveal and small blue shirt. With a wolf head on it. Tears streamed down my face.
"thank you." It came out choked.
He spun around. "NO! don't you cry! You don't get to cry! This is your fault!" tears were staining his shirt.
I just kneeled there in silence. I didn't know what to say to that. He was one hindered percent correct. This was my doing this was my fault. "You, you caused this pain! If this is all pay back for me being with Leah, then you've succeeded. This is, so much worse than what I did with Leah! Yes I slept with her when I got drunk. Yes we had a child from that one night. Yes I married her. But you were gone! You left! You told me to move on. More importantly I would have followed you anywhere! You knew that! And you still left me here. Broken and brittle! Leah was there. She helped me! What have you done for me? Besides break me more?" he was screaming and crying. He was so angry. I had never seen him this angry before. It was scary. His body was shaking. I was always told not to anger the wolves. They could be dangerous. Chang with out warning and mistakenly hurt you. And here I was, pissing one of to the extreme.
"I'm sorry."
"NO. your not sorry! Sorry would be like oh Jake I'm sorry I almost slept with Landon. I'm sorry I gave you false hope. Sorry would have not been sleeping with me! Nes! You slept with me. You gave me hope! Hope I knew I shouldn't have had! I know you don't have a lot of life experiences. You don't know what to do about things. You haven't done things. You've been sheltered. Whatever! You knew what you were doing. You slept with me. You gave me hope. Just to turn around and sleep with Landon. Now were all screwed. Your pregnant. Who's the daddy Nes? Oh wait. You don't fucking know! If I didn't know you any better I would call you a whore!" his words cut like a knife through butter. Sending chills down my spine. Tears streaming down my face.
"Stop crying! Crying is not going to save you! You did this. You broke me! Payback received." he snarled.
"Payback? You think this is payback? You think I wanted this?"
"I don't know anymore. All I know is you slept with me. I felt something that night. But apparently I was a dumb ass. I knew I shouldn't have believed in it. Believed in you. I knew it! But I wanted it so much. I didn't listen."
"Jake I wanted it. I did. But."
"No. I don't want to hear it. You have no excuse for this. All of this. All of this pain. The suffering. The confusion. It is ALL your fault. And you have to live with that!"
"Jake."
"Don't. just don't. you don't get to cry, and try to apologize. You cant take this back! And sadly I know you don't want to. I've lost. I've lost you. You let it happen. I will not wait for you. I wont. I refuse to wait like a love sick puppy. I got the divorce you wanted. Not only because I thought I would help us. But because me and Leah didn't love each other. It was a one sided love. You and me slept together. Giving me all the hope I needed. And it broke me to pieces. It hurts. It kills me to stand here and look at you. It makes me want to vomit."
Sobs were breaking free from my body. They just angered the beast more.
"Stop.!" he shouted. "You don't get to cry! You did this. don't you shed a tear! You knew what you were doing!"
"Jacob. I'm sorry. I am. I didn't want you to find out this way." I whined.
"You didn't want a lot of things to happen. To bad you cant change it." his voice was ice cold.
We were there in silence for what felt like forever. I waited. Waited for the terror to begin again. Waited for the tirade, waited for the screaming and yelling I deserved. What I got next shocked me more.
"It's never going to be the same Nes." his voice was covered with sadness, it was barely above a whisper and suddenly he fell to his knees in front of me. "I had you. I had you back. And then something happen. That damn weekend with him. It changed everything. I could feel it!" a sob escaped his chest and he placed his hands on the ground in front of him to steady himself. "I want him to be mine. I do, I love him. But now, This baby, needs to be mine. He has to be mine. Or you wont need me any more."
I scooted closer to him and wrapped my arms around his neck. I grabbed his face in my hands so he would look at me.
"Jake. I will ALWAYS need you. Always. don't doubt that. I love you. I do."
"Not enough."
"I will always need you and want you in my life. As long as you want to be there. I will not force you to stay, no matter how much I want you to. You will always have a place in my heart. In my life. Whether this baby is yours or not. I will need you. This baby will need you. Who else would have taught me all the stuff you did when I was little. Who else would have let me bite them over and over again with out consequence and laugh about it?
Whether this baby is yours or not. You will have a place in my life. And you will have a place in his life."
"I love you Nes."
"I love you too."
"Just not enough."
"things have happened. Things have changed. we've changed. but that doesn't mean I've stopped loving you."
"No. you don't love me. You did. But some where along the way I lost it. I lost you."
He buried his face into my shoulder and neck and wrapped his arms around me.
He pulled away from me gently.
"I wish I could just go back. Do you wish we could just go back?"
"Part of me yes."
He nodded.
"One stupid mistake. One stupid night. Can change your entire life. One night, and your life can be ruined."
"Jake your life's not ruined."
"Your right…. it's gone."
"Jake. You got Billy out of it."
"The only good thing in my life now." I couldn't say anything else.
"Vampires." he shook his head.
"Wolves." I smiled at him.
He grinned and pulled me closer.
"I wish I would have been the one kidnapped. Then maybe you would have realized it was me instead." he frowned and I didn't have the heart to tell him I had known before Landon got taken.
He took a deep breath. "I guess tomorrow we should sit down. The three of us. Figure out what to do next. I mean we don't even know if it's a boy or girl."
"Alice knows. We could find out tomorrow if you want." my voice was careful. I would not talk about it. Unless he initiated it. I didn't not want the beast to awaken in him again.
He nodded. "something to talk about. Especially now that I'm not getting rid of Landon anytime soon."
I grinned up at him.
"I'll be nice."
"right. You guys hate each other."
"True. But for you I think I could look past our uh, differences."
"Jacob. Thank you."
"for what?"
"Still being here. Even though you don't need to be."
"I do need to be. I need you. Whether you need me or not." he said it bluntly.
"Jacob. I do need you."
"No. no you don't."
"Jake."
"don't. I don't have to like it. I'm not going to like it. It is going to take me time. So excuse my behavior. But you cant expect me to be happy about it." his voice was ice cold again.
"I don't."
"Good. Cause I don't plan on pretending for you."
"I understand." I took a deep breath. "I told you, you could go."
"I don't want to go. But I'm not going to be happy about it either."
I nodded.
"Who says it'll last. Right? Things happen." he shrugged. "Somewhere along the line. I just have to hope that you realize your mistake, and come back to me. But I will not wait. I refuse to wait for you. I cant go through the pain again."
"Jacob? Can I speak to Nes please?" my mom looked down at us on the ground before I could respond. What did he mean? was he going to do something stupid? I was so caught up in Jake, I didn't even hear her approach us.
Jacob stood up and nodded. Grabbing my hand and pulling me to my feet.
"Thank you Jacob." my mom smiled.
He nodded and kissed my hand. Then he stood up and walked out into the woods.
"I take it, we'll be seeing a lot more of Landon?"
I nodded.
"Well, Alice, Rosalie, Erin and Esme will be out here shortly. I wanted to talk to you." she smiled.
"ok."
"I am proud of you." that took me for surprise.
"For what?"
"You were willing to sacrifice your baby to protect him. Your going to be a terrific mother."
I smiled at her. "How did you handle it?"
"What?"
"Raising me. i mean I was there. I know. but really."
"It wasn't always easy. Especially lately."
"I'm sorry."
"Don't. you never got to do the reckless rebel against your parents because we were on the move for so long. Renesmee. We love you. All of us. We are so very proud of you."
"That we are." Alice said beaming as they came to join us.
"You are getting something none of us can ever have." Rosalie tried to smile. "A child of your own."
"I didn't think I could either." I looked down at the ground.
"It's truly a gift." Rosalie said.
"You are going to be a great mother."
"I don't know about that. I know if I'm half the mom that you are to me. Or that Esme you are to everyone else. I'll be pretty damn good."
"Thank you." Esme smiled.
"You'll be terrific." Erin beamed. "I'm going to be an aunt."
"I'm a great aunt. I don't know how to feel about that." Alice laughed.
"I'm scared."
"Its natural." my mom assured me. "I was terrified something was going to happen to you. Granted, it was a completely different situation."
"I was killing you." I said bluntly.
She nodded. "You didn't want to or mean to."
I smiled at her. "I love you. All of you." my mom hugged me. I felt Alice put her hand on my shoulder as did Rosalie.
I took a deep breath.
"What's going to happen?" I looked at Alice.
"It will be fairly normal."
"What does that mean?"
"Carlisle's going to try to give you a sea section, and in a days time you'll be completely healed."
"And if he cant?"
"He can."
"and the baby?"
"He will be fine." she smiled.
"Are you sure."
She smiled at me. "Yes. You will go into labor. Two days and." She closed her eyes. "twelve hours and thirty two minutes."
"Wow. That's, yeah."
"Yes. It will be all ok."
"Alice. Can I ask you something."
"anything."
"Who's baby is it?"
Alice looked around at everyone.
"Are you sure you want to know now?" my mom asked. I nodded.
"It's Landon, no matter who the baby's dad is." I smiled.
"Are you sure?" Alice asked. Great. Did I really want to know? I'd have to find out sooner or later. Right? Yes. Was her asking mean it wasn't Landon's? I nodded.
"It wont change anything?" Esme asked.
"No. Jacob knows it's Landon. Landon knows its him. Now the only other un answered question is that. who's the dad?"
Alice nodded and smiled at me.
"Who do you want it to be?" my mom asked.
"Landon."
She nodded.
"Alice?" I asked.
"You got your wish."
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