Chapter 36: Hard Work

Severus stood behind Harry, holding him under the arms.

"This isn't gonna work," Potter complained as he tried to get his legs to hold him up. He made it two steps from Snape before collapsing on the floor. "Fuck!" Harry shouted and punched the stone.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." He massaged his hand. "We've been at this for weeks and I still can't walk."

Snape helped him sit on the edge of the bed. "You did better that time."

"Better than what? A man with no legs?"

"Potter." Severus snapped. It was the week before exams and Snape knew he was wearing himself too thin. Between extra office hours, students' incessant questions, and trying to help Harry re-learn to walk, he just needed a break.

"What? It's fucking true. Face it, I'm never going to walk again." Tears trickled down his face and he angrily swiped at them.

"We've only been working for two weeks. Give it a while longer."

"All I feel in them is pain, Sev. When is it gonna stop?"

A knife drove itself through Snape's chest, tearing through all the exhaustion. There was a very high chance the pain would never cease, unless Potter's nerves miraculously recovered. He sighed. "I don't know. Nerves are difficult." Pain is a step in the right direction, but he doesn't want to hear that.

Harry grunted and slid into his wheelchair.

"Where are you going?"

"I want to walk-er, roll around the grounds. If that's okay." He shot back.

"Let me know if you need anything," Severus called after him.

The door slammed shut behind him.

Snape sighed and cleaned up the physical therapy tools. They'd been working Harry's muscles, encouraging them to function as they had before the re-injury. Each time Severus tested them, it seemed as though they were getting stronger, and moving properly—they just weren't quite weight bearing yet. In a couple days, it will be summer. We'll have the castle to ourselves. Then, I can focus all my attention on him. It was agony to watch Harry lose hope, but he hardly had the stamina to keep comforting him. It's selfish, he thought, I'm not the one in pain—but there's only so much I can say.

He stalked to his private lab, and stared at the swirling green liquid in his ivory cauldron. Carefully, he distributed the elixir into vials and put them in a storage cabinet. Severus stood back, assessing the rows of glass, holding rainbows of experiments.

"You can't keep waiting," Madame Pomfrey's voice came from behind him.

It took everything Snape had to not go for his wand. She'd startled him. "I know," he said flatly. "But what if it kills him?"

"What if it saves him?"

"We can't be sure if—"

"It's passed all the other tests. It repaired the spine yesterday in minutes!"

"It was a corpse," he snapped. It was futile and childish to argue, but Severus was terrified. Her optimism, though well-placed, irritated him. What if it paralyzes him for good?

She sighed, exasperated. "Why don't you just give him the option? Let him decide."

"Because I know what he'll choose," Snape muttered.

Harry wheeled himself to the edge of the lake, close enough to dip his toes. He couldn't quite feel the water, but it was a different sensation than dull pain. A cool breeze washed over him as he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. The fresh air felt good, it was getting stuffy in Severus's chambers. He stared out across the still reflection of sunset sky in the water. Harry skipped a stone. It tore through the orange and pink clouds, the ripples distorting the image its wake. He raised his hand to skip another, but stopped, letting the lake return to stillness.

"Hey, mate," Fred said.

Harry jumped. "Hey, what are you doing here?"

The ginger sat in the grass beside him and toyed with a stick. "I wanted to check on you. The last time we met, you looked pretty brutal."

"Do I look much better now?"

Guilt gnawed at Fred as he glanced at the chair beside him. "Well, you do have some pretty sweet wheels," he joked, holding his breath until Harry smiled.

"What? Did you think I was going to be mad?"

Fred shrugged. "I kind of did this to you."

"You didn't. You saved me."

He nodded, dropping it. Harry's comment did near nothing to relieve his guilt. He'd hardly slept in weeks.

"Have you had the chance to test the potion?" Harry asked, trying to break the uncomfortable silence.

"We have, actually. It worked quite well."

"Well, I've got plenty of free time to brew more."

"Yeah." He paused. "But, Harry, really… how are you?"

He sighed. "There's something you should know…" Harry told him about Alex, every pain-staking detail. He explained how she put the bond on him, the choice he had to make, and their final battle. Before he knew it, he was telling Fred about the intricacies of his nerve damage and how scared he was that he would never walk again. Harry skipped over the part about pissing himself and his hope that it was only temporary. "I just… I feel bad for Sev, too. He's been taking care of me. And I keep yelling at him. I'm just so fucking frustrated. I should be able to fix this. I should be better than this, Fred." His voice cracked. Gentle arms wrapped around him and long, red hair fell in his face.

"Snape loves you, Harry. He wants to do what's best for you."

"I keep hurting him."

"I'm sure he understands that you're scared and in pain."

"Yeah, but he doesn't deserve it. He shouldn't have to keep taking care of me." Alex's words loomed at the forefront of his mind. He clung tightly to Fred as his body shook with sobs.

Fred frowned, lightly rubbing Harry's back. He felt him mumble something. "What?"

"He was so mad and he's gonna leave."

The desperation in his tone hurt. The ginger pulled back and looked him in the eyes. "He is not going to leave you." Harry tried to argue, but Fred went on. "This is the man who risked everything for you; the man who sat by your bedside for months, crying because he didn't think you were going to make it. He loves you." He paused, deciding whether to chance making Harry upset. "I'm guessing he's just exhausted right now. Especially with everything you've told me about Alex. Some of his students, and their parents, were her following. Lupin said some of them even pulled their kids out. Dumbledore's furious. But Snape isn't going to abandon you, he just has a hell of a lot going on right now. And you do, too."

"I didn't even think about that. Merlin, I'm awful." Regret panged through him as he thought about how he'd stormed off earlier.

"You're not awful. Things just suck right now."

"I should apologize."

"Yeah, but that can wait a while. I've missed you." Fred looked across the lake to see Angel sitting on a rock, nodded.

"You're doing well" he mouthed. A proud smile flashed across his face before he disappeared.