A/N: With Thanksgiving coming up, I may not be able to post again until next week. But, with Thanksgiving coming up, I'd like to take the opportunity to thank all of you, the readers, for sticking with, reviewing, and generally loving this story. I'm having a blast writing it, and sharing it with you all makes it that much sweeter! Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Disclaimer: I don't own, control, or even have a heck of a lot of influence over these characters.
Chapter Thirty-Six: Look What You've Done
Sunlight was streaming in through the windows of the hospital room, bathing the white walls in a pale, almost unearthly, glow, when Scotty's eyes fluttered open and he began to shift uncomfortably in the chair. He groaned as he tested various muscles and joints and found them all stiff and aching, and the sudden, searing pain in his right hand made him swear viciously under his breath. Where was he, why did his hand hurt so much, and why the hell was he sleeping in this miserable excuse for a chair?
As he began to get his bearings, he suddenly became aware of steady, electronic beeps from his left. What the---? Oh. Right. He was in the hospital, sitting beside Ellen Rush's bed, waiting for Lilly to return. She'd already been gone for over thirteen hours, he realized with surprise as he looked down at his watch, and he sighed with relief. If she wasn't sleeping, no way in hell would she still be gone…and if she was still gone, then she must have been even more exhausted than Scotty thought she was. He smiled slightly with the satisfaction that he'd been able to do at least that much for her.
Reaching up with his uninjured hand to massage the soreness from his stiff neck, he glanced over and saw that Ellen's condition remained unchanged. But as he studied the still form under the layers of blankets next to him, then noticed the old snapshot that was still on the tray by the bed, a sudden flood of memories washed over him. The previous night, that snapshot had propelled him to a depth of pain and rage he'd never known, and, drained and numb though he was, he felt tears beginning to sting his eyes all over again. As unbidden images sprang to mind once more, images of ten-year-old Lilly running for her life, his hand unconsciously started to form a fist, but he inhaled sharply as the abused bones and tendons protested that movement with a searing, white-hot agony that made it almost impossible for him to be aware of anything else.
He whispered another curse and immediately relaxed his grip, and as the sharp, stabbing pain gradually faded to a dull, yet insistent, throbbing, he welcomed the wounds as a distraction, as something else to ponder. That sort of injury to his hand certainly wasn't a new thing for him, although he couldn't quite recall it ever being this bad, and Scotty knew from experience that the only way in the world he could have hurt it like that was if he'd punched something. Scanning the room, wondering what the hell had been on the receiving end of his fist during the emotional melee of the night before, his eyes quickly fell on the small discoloration that marred the white wall across the room. He glanced down at the Kleenex still wrapped around his hand and realized that the stain on the wall was blood. His blood.
Wincing with pain as he gingerly peeled off the temporary bandage, his heart was filled once more, not by the violently overwhelming fury and despair of the previous night, but by a deep, aching sadness, a sadness he'd certainly felt before, although it had been years. The day Elisa went missing, after Scotty spent the afternoon searching frantically for her, he'd finally found her on the stoop where he'd first laid eyes on her, and then everything had come crashing down and he'd wept inconsolably in her lap for what seemed like hours. The next day, although the frustration and anger and all the rest of it tried to resurface, he was simply too emotionally exhausted to properly feel anything except that dull ache, the knowledge that it wasn't all right, and probably never would be, no matter what anyone said.
As Scotty finally tore away the last of the Kleenex from his hand, he saw, in the full light of day, the extent of the damage. He took in his swollen, lacerated knuckles, saw the dark purple bruises and the deep red bloodstains, and realized just how far things had gone the night before. Tentatively wiggling his fingers, trying to determine his range of motion, he was stung, momentarily, by a pang of guilt, and a tiny bit of embarrassment, as he remembered the full force of his outburst. Quickly, though, his sense of righteous indignation swam to the surface and insisted, loudly, that the things he'd said to Lilly's mother were things she'd needed to hear for decades. He knew Lilly had never said them, knew no one had ever called Ellen Rush out for all the ways she'd hurt her daughter, and, dammit…someone needed to, whether it changed anything or not. And he knew he had no reason to expect that it would. Hell, the woman was in a coma, and he had no idea if she'd even heard a word he'd said.
At least you did something, his brain insisted and Scotty realized that it was absolutely right. After all the hours of being hundreds of miles away, of sitting and waiting and doing nothing but feel helpless, he'd been able to charge into the room and be there for Lilly, to catch her at the exact moment she couldn't stand up anymore, to comfort her while she wept, to make her realize that she needed to take care of herself, too…and to finally realize for himself that her childhood really was as horrible as she'd said. He felt like a fool for doubting her, but at least he'd finally accepted the awful truth. He wasn't sure what the hell he could do about it, but at least now he knew what he was dealing with. Knew the depths of her pain and her heartache…and, he told himself as he removed the stinger of regret and tossed it over his shoulder, maybe, just maybe…now Ellen knew it, too.
An insistent vibration near his hip pocket interrupted his thoughts, and Scotty reached down gingerly to remove his phone from its holster. He glanced at the caller ID, sure it was Lilly calling to chew him out for letting her sleep so long, but to his surprise, it was Kat.
"Hey, Miller," he greeted his partner. "Everything all right?"
"Yeah, everything's fine," she quickly reassured him. "Just wanted to let you know Ted Smith just got booked."
"Just now?" Scotty asked incredulously, glancing at his watch. "You didn't stay for that, did you?"
"No," Kat answered, and Scotty was instantly relieved. He'd been so eager to book it out of the office and get to Lilly that he hadn't given his partner, the case, or anything else a second thought.
"Boss made me go home," she continued. "Nick just called and told me all about it. Took 'em 'till four AM just to get him sober enough to talk, and most of the morning to get the truth out of him."
"He confess to both of 'em?" Scotty asked.
"Yeah," Kat answered uncomfortably, paused for a second, then steeled herself and spilled the rest. "The Hillmans…called him out for drinkin' on the job, threatened to tell his superiors… so he shot 'em."
Scotty bristled. "They're the only ones who got the balls to stage an intervention, and they get shot for it?" he asked. "Sure hope that bastard gets the needle." Murders had been committed for far less, he knew, and none of them ever made any sense, but this one…this one was making that righteous indignation burn again, on a deeply personal level.
"It wasn't an intervention," Kat argued. "They just started yellin' at him, from what I understand. Yellin', threatenin' his job…"
Scotty's irritation rose even further. "Sometimes you gotta say what needs to be said, right then, or it never gets said."
Kat's mind began to whir rapidly. Something in his tone, something about the way her partner was so indignant…defensive, even…
"You at the hospital now?" she asked after a pause, and Scotty was caught off-guard by the abrupt change in topic.
"Yeah," he answered. "I made Lil go home when I got here. She ain't back yet."
Kat sighed as the final piece of the puzzle fell into place. Scotty had been alone with Lilly's mother, his pent-up anger, and very little else. She knew her partner well enough to know that his anger was like a volcano; he could only hold it back for so long, and when it had to explode, it had to explode right then, location and consequences be damned. It didn't take long for her to figure out what had happened overnight in that hospital room. She wasn't sure of the specifics, but she didn't need them. She knew Scotty, and that was enough.
Scotty sensed her hesitation, and instantly grew extremely uncomfortable.
"What?" he asked lightly, hoping to disguise his sudden uneasiness. He knew, had he been in the same room with Miller, that her eyes would practically have been boring holes through him, just as they did when she looked at a doer…except he'd done nothing wrong. At least, he was pretty sure he hadn't…
"Please tell me you didn't do what I think you did," she said softly, her voice laden with something undefinable, and Scotty was dumbfounded. How the hell did she suddenly think she knew what he did? He knew her well enough to know that she probably had figured it out, that she knew exactly what had taken place in that hospital room the night before, and he felt the anger rising again. What the hell business was it of hers, anyway? How dare she judge something she had nothing to do with that she hadn't even borne witness to?
"So what if I did?" he asked defensively.
"Well, do you feel better now?" she asked almost brusquely, suddenly more bitter than he'd ever heard her.
"Yeah," he answered indignantly. "I do." What the hell is this even about?
He heard his partner sigh heavily again, the disapproval almost tangible through the phone lines. "Just...if she wakes up, you gotta be nice," Kat informed him.
Her directive almost knocked him out of the chair entirely. Be nice? Be nice to the woman who couldn't be bothered to put down the damn bottle of vodka long enough to fix dinner for her girls? Be nice to the woman who signed the death warrant for Lilly's childhood? Be nice to the woman who forced Lilly to spend her entire life trying her damnedest to be good enough to make her mother choose her just once? Be…nice?
"Nice?" Scotty spat in disbelief, the mere utterance of the word leaving a foul taste in his mouth. "Nice? If you had any idea the kinda hell Lil's been through, no way would you be tellin' me to be nice."
After a long, uncomfortable hesitation, Kat spoke. Her voice was soft, so soft he almost had to strain to hear her, but there was no mistaking the near-lethal fury.
"Oh," she began quietly. "So I suppose one night in the company of a comatose alcoholic makes you some kinda expert on what it's like to be raised by one."
Oh….shit. Scotty felt all the air being sucked out of the room as he realized what he'd just said…and to whom. Of all the people he counted as friends, Kat Miller was the one who knew, better than anyone, what Lilly had been through. Oh, sure, their situations weren't exactly identical, but it was that one brief, unguarded moment in the car, when Kat had given him a glimpse into her own past, that had propelled Scotty to his realizations of the previous night, how Lilly had always played second-fiddle to her mother's addiction…and no one he could think of knew exactly what that felt like better than Kat.
"Dammit," he muttered. "Look, I didn't mean---" he began, hoping to hastily dig himself out of the hole he found himself in, but he knew just from the tone of his partner's voice as she interrupted him that it was utterly futile.
"Just…trust me. And be nice. If you can even remember how," she snapped, and then was gone.
Scotty sighed in defeat as he flipped his phone closed and stashed it in its holster, then pried himself out of the chair and wandered over to the window, gazing out at the Philadelphia skyline. When the hell would he learn to quit lashing out at innocent bystanders? When would he learn to quit hurting the people he cared about when he was upset? Lilly, Vera…and now Miller. Dammit, Valens, it's amazin' anyone still talks to you. It's a miracle you---
His maelstrom of self-loathing was interrupted by a garbled moan coming from the bed behind him, and he whirled around at the sound. Ellen's eyes were starting to flutter open, and Scotty was startled by just how blue they were. Just like Lilly's. Except hers didn't display years of pain and heartache at the hands of a crap mom…
Be nice, he coached himself. He couldn't fix things with Miller now, couldn't fix Lilly's childhood, couldn't make Ellen be anything other than what she was, couldn't undo any of the damage…couldn't do a damn thing except what someone with experience had told him to do. And he realized he owed Kat, and Lilly, that much. Ellen was…well, he couldn't allow himself to go there, not if he wanted to succeed in his mission to be nice, but she was still Lilly's mother. She was still the woman who had, for better or for worse, raised the woman he loved. He owed them all that much.
Decision made, Scotty crossed the room to the bed and looked down at the helpless woman who lay there, still glancing around, clearly wondering where the hell she was and how she got there. Her eyes finally lit on him, and she frowned in confusion.
Be nice, Valens, he ordered himself, fighting back the remnants of his anger and remaining silent until he could make his voice sound light and casual. He knew how important it was to be nice, but he also knew it was going to be really, really damn hard to do.
"Mornin'," he finally greeted her, with a rigid smile.
Ellen mirrored his smile with a weak one of her own. "Is there…any water?" she rasped, her voice rusty from days of disuse.
"Water," Scotty repeated blankly, then glanced around and found the pink plastic pitcher and matching glass on the table by the window. Pouring her a glass of water…well…that would certainly qualify as nice.
"Yeah, there's water," he replied, then crossed over to the table. Surprised as hell you ain't askin' for vodka, he wanted to snap, but his brain refused to allow that. Shut up, Valens, it ordered. You're bein' nice.
In keeping with his brain's instructions, he poured a glass of water, then gently helped Ellen raise her head from the pillow long enough to sip from the straw. When she'd had a few swallows, she smiled slightly, and he returned the smile, tight and forced though it was, and placed the glass on the tray by the bed. In the process, his eyes fell on the snapshot of Lilly as a child, but he quickly forced his gaze elsewhere. Revisiting that photo, those memories…no way in hell would that help his efforts to be nice.
"You look familiar," Ellen remarked, and he glanced down to find her studying him with a slight frown, so like the one Lilly got when she was trying to figure out a case. "Do I know you?"
As he watched her puzzling over him, Scotty realized that Lilly had been right that afternoon outside Joe's Tavern. Ellen was entirely too drunk to remember their first meeting. The memory of the backhanded compliments, and outright barbs, she'd flung at Lilly that day made the anger burn in his chest anew, but he clenched his jaw and forced it away. He had to keep his bitterness, righteous though it was, far away from his thoughts, lest it sabotage his already-difficult mission.
"We met once," he explained matter-of-factly, trying hard to keep the irritation out of his voice. "I'm your daughter's boyfriend."
"Really?" Ellen asked, eyes widening with surprise.
Yeah. Really, he seethed inwardly. Your daughter's amazin'. She deserves way better than me, and she sure as hell deserves way better than you.
"Well, where is she?" Ellen continued, glancing around the room.
"I sent her home to get some sleep," Scotty explained. Practically had to force her to leave, God alone knows why. I can barely stand bein' in the same room with you, but I know if I weren't here, she still would be, not eatin', not sleepin', showin' you the kinda love and attention you never once showed her...
"Chris…is…home?" Ellen asked blearily. "When?"
Scotty froze, his bitter inner monologue silenced, at least momentarily. Chris? How the hell…? Crap. He realized, too late, that he'd failed to specify which daughter he was dating, and he almost laughed aloud at the irony.
"No…I'm not…it ain't Chris," he explained hastily. "It's Lil." Just the mention of her name made his bitterness fade slightly, at least for the moment.
"You're dating Lilly?" Ellen asked in amazement, but then her smile widened. "Well, good for her. I always hoped she'd find someone. She deserves to be happy."
At her amazement, a dozen potential snarky retorts raced around his mind and screamed to be voiced, but at her last statement, Scotty was so startled that those very retorts were suddenly shocked into silence and seemed to pause, blinking in surprise and waiting to see what he'd do.
"Yeah," he agreed with feeling. "She does."
Lilly. The sudden thought of her slammed into him like a truck. She wasn't back yet…and she needed to know her mother had woken up.
"I gotta call her," he said, fumbling for his phone. "She's gonna wanna know you're awake."
Ellen reached out a hand to stop him, and he was startled to feel her cold fingers on his arm. "Let her sleep," she instructed softly. "She needs it."
Scotty hesitated, searching Ellen's eyes for any sign of sarcasm, any indication that some sort of backhanded compliment, or outright insult, was about to follow her seeming concern. He saw no artifice in their depths, however, just a genuine, silent plea.
"You're right," he agreed slowly, sliding the phone back into its holster while still scrutinizing Lilly's mother. Did she…actually have her daughter's best interests at heart for once in her miserable, vodka-soaked existence? Was that even possible?
For God's sake, shut up, Valens. You're bein' nice.
"You been seein' her long? Lilly?" Ellen asked.
"Over a year now," Scotty replied, eyeing her with suspicion. He wasn't sure where she was going with this, but he was more than ready to leap in and defend Lilly from any snide remark her mother cared to make.
Much to his surprise, Ellen beamed, at least, as much as she could in her weakened state, and Scotty could see that, had she been healthy, that dazzling smile would have nearly rivaled Lilly's. So that's where she got it, he realized, and, to his amazement, he felt his heart starting to soften just a bit.
"So…how'd she find you?" Ellen asked, and Scotty's soul warmed at the memories of those early days with Lilly. When he was focusing on her, basking in how wonderful she was, how much joy she brought to his life, and how deeply he loved her…he suddenly found that being nice to her mother didn't take such a Herculean effort.
"I know her from work," he began with a smile, sinking down into the chair and pulling it closer to Ellen's bed. "It was right after she started workin' the cold jobs…"
Lilly awoke, snug and warm in her own bed, and sleepily scratched both cats behind the ears. She had no idea what time it was, and she didn't care. She was more rested than she'd felt in quite some time, more relaxed, more at peace, less like the weight of the world was on her shoulders…God, she felt great.
Maybe I can share some of this good mood with Scotty, she thought, as she rolled over to greet him with a kiss. A kiss…or maybe more…she was sure they still had some time before they had to report to work.
But Scotty's side of the bed was cold and empty, and Lilly sat up suddenly, remembering. Scotty…Scotty was in Virginia…with Miller. No, wait…he'd come back…she'd seen him since then…so why the hell wasn't he…?
The answer dawned on her, and she glanced at the clock and swore mightily. She'd been home, asleep, for almost fifteen hours. With another epithet, she leaped from bed, startling both cats, who jumped, then meowed indignantly as Lilly dashed around the room, frantically getting dressed and cursing herself under her breath for being asleep so long. Scotty had had to spend the entire night, and all of this morning, alone with her mother, and even though Ellen was comatose, that wasn't a task Lilly would have wished on even her worst enemy, let alone the man she loved more than anything in the world. Caring for her mother was her responsibility. It always had been, and damned if she was going to let anyone else take over for that. Lilly knew how to handle her mother. What the hell must it be like for Scotty?
Calm down, Rush, Lilly reminded herself. If anything had happened, Scotty would have called. You know that. And, her brain suddenly pointed out, what if part of the reason you feel so damn good this morning is because you finally learned how wonderful it is to let someone who loves you help you every once in a while?
Lilly didn't have an answer for that, nor did she have time to come up with all the dozen and a half arguments she was sure would have refuted her brain's contention had she been of enough presence of mind to think of them. Instead, she fumbled for the phone and frantically dialed Scotty's number, but all she got was his voicemail. She swore under her breath again, pulled her hair back in a ponytail, grabbed her keys, and hurried down the stairs.
A few minutes later, Lilly raced down the hospital hallway, her soul filling with guilt for leaving Scotty with her mother so long. Despite his claims that he could sleep anywhere, she knew from experience that, in that chair, anyway, he wouldn't have been able to sleep a wink, hell, he probably hadn't eaten, and she'd be amazed if he was even still speaking to her, after having spent the entire night dealing with her mess, with her problems, problems she hadn't ever wanted anyone else to even see, let alone deal with…but she stopped short when she heard laughter bleeding out into the hallway.
Laughter. Two voices, laughing.
One, she knew without even having to think, was Scotty's. From the day they met, his laughter had always warmed her heart, even more so now that she heard it that much more often. And the other voice…the other voice belonged to her mother.
Ellen was…laughing. That meant she was awake.
And Scotty was laughing…with her? That couldn't be right.
They're just watching TV, Lilly reasoned as she shoved open the door. They had to be.
But she froze again when she entered the room. The laughter stopped abruptly, and her mother and Scotty both looked up. A wide, eager smile filled Scotty's face when he saw her.
"Hey, sunshine," he said easily, as though he hadn't just spent the entire night wedged uncomfortably in a cheap plastic chair.
"Hey," she replied after a pause, still mystified at the fact that her boyfriend…and her mother…had been…laughing? Together? About…what, for God's sake? Lilly was suddenly afraid to know the answer.
"Mom," she said, eyes wide with surprise as she studied her mother. "You're awake."
"I am awake," Ellen agreed, as cheerfully as someone who'd just emerged from a coma could.
"Well, then, what the---why the hell didn't somebody call me?" Lilly sputtered. "You let me sleep way too long."
In response, Scotty and Ellen exchanged a glance that, frankly, unnerved Lilly. It was one that told of unspoken agreements, of some sort of…good God…bonding…that had taken place between the two of them. It was even worse than she'd feared. Her mother had already sunk her claws into Scotty, already fooled him into thinking she was something she wasn't, already won him over to her side. Just like she had with Chris, and Patrick, and everyone else.
"What the hell's goin' on here?" Lilly demanded fiercely, and Scotty couldn't help but chuckle.
"Your mom wouldn't let me call you, Lil," he explained. "She said you needed your sleep."
"You never did get enough sleep, Lilly," Ellen agreed.
Crap. It was just as she'd feared. They were on the same side. Of all the possible scenarios Lilly had imagined during the frantic drive from her place to the hospital, this…the bonding, the laughter…sure as hell hadn't been one of them. She was suddenly afraid of what they might have talked about. She knew Scotty was nosy, and she knew her mother loved to tell stories….
"Dammit," Lilly exploded, glaring first at Scotty, then turning her gaze toward Ellen. "How long have you been awake?" she demanded.
"It's only been an hour or so," Scotty replied with a casual shrug.
"An hour?" Lilly nearly shrieked, glancing helplessly from her boyfriend to her mother and back. "And nobody called me?"
"Most important part of carin' for a patient is carin' for yourself, Lil," Scotty replied, with his trademark cocky grin. Lilly could have smacked him, but she realized that she could deal with him later. Her mother was awake, and that meant she had a far more important task ahead of her: effectively sentencing Ellen to death.
Instantly, Scotty sensed the change in Lilly's mood, and he shot her a brief glance of concern, then rose from his chair and politely excused himself. "Ellen, me and Lil gotta talk for a second, and then I'm gonna go see about gettin' us some breakfast and give you two ladies some time to catch up."
"That…sounds nice," Ellen said, smiling broadly at Scotty, and before Lilly could get a word in edgewise, he gently grasped her elbow and escorted her out into the hallway.
Once the door had clicked shut, she turned on him before he even had a chance to open his mouth.
"What the hell were you sayin' in there?" she asked, her voice instantly taking on the icy edge she used with suspects.
Scotty chuckled and raised both hands in a gesture of surrender. "I was just gettin' to know your mom, is all," he answered innocently. Too innocently, Lilly realized instantly. He's hiding something.
"Did she remember you?" Lilly asked.
"No," Scotty replied automatically. "Acted like she'd never seen me before."
"Did she ask?" Lilly demanded.
"Yeah…she asked…said she wasn't expectin' such a good-lookin' guy waitin' for her when she woke up. Told me she didn't know if it was Heaven or Hell, but wherever it was, she thought she'd stay for awhile," Scotty replied, shooting her an even cockier grin than before.
Lilly sighed, but was forced to crack a very slight smile. That was her mother, always looking for a man.
"Did you…tell her what the doctors said?" Lilly asked him, her gaze fierce once more.
"No," Scotty answered softly, dropping the smile and gently wrapping his arms around Lilly's slender waist. He wasn't sure whether or not that was the answer she wanted, but he'd decided, moments after Ellen woke up, not to tell her anything, at least, not until he talked to Lil. He figured he'd already involved himself far too deeply in the drama between mother and daughter, and he hoped to God Lilly wouldn't figure out just how deeply. He wasn't at all sure how she'd react, but if the disapproval he'd sensed from Miller over the phone earlier had been any indication, it wouldn't be as favorable as he might have hoped.
"Good," Lilly responded, her voice more firm than Scotty expected, and he gazed deep into her eyes, his own dark with concern.
"You sure you wanna do this?" he asked. If there was anything, anything at all he could do to spare Lilly from further pain, he'd give everything he had to be able to do it…but he had a sneaking suspicion that she was going to insist on taking care of this herself.
Lilly looked into his eyes, read the compassion there, and was touched to her very soul. He didn't view caring for her, shouldering some of her responsibilities, as a burden at all. In fact, as she looked into his chocolate eyes, she realized that…he seemed almost…satisfied. Fulfilled, somehow.
Of course he's satisfied, her brain gloated. All he's ever wanted to do is help you, and you finally let him.
Love for him flooded her heart as she gazed up at him in amazement. Scotty…how the hell did she luck into having this wonderful man fall so madly in love with her? She smiled at him, then reached up and kissed him tenderly. He was surprised, but quickly recovered, tightening his grip around her and deepening the kiss as though he was dying of thirst and she was his water.
After a few seconds, Lilly reluctantly pulled away from him and gazed into his eyes again. He had a peculiar look there, one she couldn't quite identify. It seemed to peer into her very soul; she felt almost naked, like she didn't have any secrets from him anymore, and she wondered what the hell that was about…but she didn't have much time to contemplate it. If she got lost in thought, she'd get distracted, possibly even chicken out, and she'd never deliver the news to her mother.
"I have to, Scotty," she told him simply. "And I have to do it alone. I just…" she trailed off, not sure how to explain things to him in thirty seconds or less, then decided it just wasn't possible. "I have to," she repeated.
Scotty started to argue, but stopped himself. He knew it would be futile. He knew that Lilly was probably right; she knew her mother better than anyone else did, and she knew best how to deal with Ellen.
But…his heart protested. You saw what happened to her. You know what she's been through. Surely you can spare her this. No way she's got it in her to…but a glance into her sapphire eyes told him that, curiously enough, she seemed to. He realized that the panic-stricken ten-year-old he'd seen in his mind the night before, although still present, had grown into a strong, determined woman. The helpless expression he'd seen in her eyes was gone, replaced by a quiet strength, and, if he wasn't mistaken, the peace that came from finally getting a good night's sleep.
Yes, she was right. She could do this on her own…and, Scotty realized with a sigh of defeat, that he had to let her.
"I'm here for you," he told her, looking deep into her eyes, willing her to understand. "You know that."
Lilly nodded, and he pulled her into an embrace. "You need me, you just call, and I'll be here," he murmured against her hair.
"I know you will," Lilly responded, pulling back to gaze into his eyes, and he saw the truth in her expression. He saw, in a single glance, how much he'd been able to help her by showing up when he did, and how much that had meant to her. She really had learned how to lean on him, to let him in, to let him help. Finally.
"But…" she said, her eyes suddenly hardening a bit, "…you need to head downstairs to the ER and get that hand X-rayed."
Crap. He'd been hoping she wouldn't notice, but he knew her well enough to know that that was a ridiculous notion. Of course she'd notice. He was surprised it took her this long. Scotty couldn't help grimacing in pain as Lilly gently took his right hand from her shoulder and hissed in sympathy when she saw the swollen, broken skin.
"Dammit, Scotty," she said softly, lifting her concerned gaze from his hand to his eyes. "What the hell did you hit this time?"
Scotty yanked his hand back as gingerly as he could. "It's nothin'," he replied.
"Nothin' my ass," she replied, still studying his wounds. "You'll be damn lucky if it's not broken."
"I'm fine," he insisted.
"Uh-huh," Lilly replied skeptically as she studied him. There was only one way, one way in the world, that Scotty would have hurt his hand like that. She knew there was something he wasn't telling her, that much had been obvious since they'd been out in the hallway, but she couldn't, for the life of her, fathom what. Too many things weren't adding up…too much wasn't making sense…but she didn't have time to figure it out. Not then. Not when her mother was waiting for her death sentence.
Scotty's heart leaped into his throat as Lilly continued to hold his hand and fix him with that famous scrutinizing gaze. He knew she wasn't buying his story, but he'd be damned if he let her know what had really happened. He had a lie at the ready, had a story about their pain-in-the-ass suspect all ready to go, but, after a moment, she relaxed her gaze, and he sighed inwardly with relief. Whatever interrogation he was about to get, she'd apparently decided that now wasn't the time.
A small smile crossed her face as she gently released his hand. "You better get down to the ER," she repeated.
"I'm fine," he insisted, but she silenced him with a glare.
"Do it, now, or I'll call Miller and get her to make you," she threatened with a slight smile.
Miller…oh, crap. The memory of his earlier ill-advised remark suddenly stung his heart with regret, and he realized that, in addition to fixing his broken hand, he needed to fix the broken relationship with his partner. He couldn't tell Lilly about that, either, not without spilling the rest, and he realized that, regardless of whatever damage he might have caused between her and Ellen…there was a small chance, with the appropriate amount of groveling, that things with his partner, at least, could return to some vague semblance of normal.
"Fine," he agreed, "but I'm leavin' my phone on. And if you need me, I don't care where the hell I am, I'll come runnin', you hear me?" He leveled her with a gaze, and Lilly read in the depths of his eyes an earnestness that had never quite been there before. She wasn't sure what the hell had happened during his night with her mother, but something was different about his demeanor…he seemed…settled somehow, even though she could tell from the ebony cast of his eyes that things weren't quite all right. What the hell is he hiding from me? she wondered.
First things first, Rush. Get in there before you chicken out.
Lilly kissed her boyfriend once more, then gave him a gentle shove. "Go get that hand looked at," she ordered softly, and Scotty grinned, saluted her with his good hand, and headed off down the hallway.
Lilly watched him retreat, breathed a silent prayer of thanks, then steeled herself and headed into Ellen's room.