Chapter Thirty Six:
She tried to force her brain to remember.
She remembered the visit with Brass.
She remembered doing the dishes.
She remembered nothing else.
It was difficult.
She knew something had happened.
She couldn't wake up.
Her brain screamed for her body to react.
It didn't.
She could hear his voice once more.
It was urgent now.
He was calling for her.
She mustered all of the strength she could find to squeeze his hand.
"Sara?"
She squeezed his hand once more.
"Sara, you need to wake up," he said.
She tried.
She really tried.
She couldn't.
She felt her hand once more against his cheek.
It was wet again.
She panicked.
She moaned from the pain as she managed to open her eyes.
She saw nothing but the ceiling.
It's a hospital…
The smell…
The sound…
I hate hospitals…
God, I'm in a hospital…
Something is wrong with the babies…
"Sara?"
She slowly turned her head toward his voice.
Her eyes sought blue ones.
He smiled.
"I've been waiting for you to wake," he said.
"The twins"
"I'll take you to see them when you're ready," he said.
"Matthew?"
"They're both on life support…it's just until they're lungs are developed. Matt is hanging in there. Katie is giving them fits. She wants attention," he said. "She cries unless someone is
touching her."
"Can I see them?" she asked quickly.
"When you're…Sara you can't get up," he said.
"I need to see them," she said as she struggled with the IVs.
"In a few hours," he said.
"No! I want to see them. I need to see them," she said.
He picked up a photo and handed it to her.
"Greg has the nurses taking photos every hour. There's a stack of these," he said.
She stared at the photos.
"How do you feel?" he asked.
"Woozy."
"You scared me. Your blood pressure bottomed out during delivery. One minute everything was okay and then…don't ever do that again," he said.
She reached for his shaking hand.
"Sorry," she whispered.
"Try to sleep," he said.
"How long…how long have I been out of recovery?" she asked.
"Two days," he said.
"Two days!" She struggled to get up.
"No!"
It didn't matter.
She was too weak.
She felt the last bit of energy leave her body.
She cursed as she felt the fog pulling her back under.
"Need to see them," said Sara.
"You will. I promise. Just give your body time to heal," he said.
She nodded.
He sat back and watched as she drifted back off to sleep.
There was a tap on the door.
"How is she?" asked Brass.
"She was awake for a few minutes," he said.
"She knows about the twins?"
"I told her…I didn't tell her how serious Matthew's condition is," he said. "She would have insisted on seeing them. She's not ready."
Grissom turned and looked at him.
"How are they?" he asked.
"Katie has everyone wrapped around her finger…Matthew is still quiet," he said.
Brass sat down in the other chair.
"I think you need to see them," said Brass. "Go. I'll stay with her."
Grissom glanced at his friend as he kissed Sara gently on the lips.
"If she wakes, have them come and get me," said Grissom.
He stood there with his hand inside the incubator.
Katie kicked and thrashed about.
She stilled as soon as his gloved hand took hold of her hand. He smiled.
You're so much like her…
She loves for me to hold her hand…
I did that for years…
He felt someone behind her and turned to find Catherine.
"They're beautiful," she whispered.
"I thought I would come down and see them while Sara is asleep," he said.
He glanced over at Matthew.
"Any change?" he asked the nurse.
She shook her head.
"Cat…could you hold Katie's hand?" he asked.
"I'd love to," she said.
He withdrew and grinned when the tiny infant began to wail.
"Already spoiled," said Catherine.
Grissom walked over to the other side and gently placed his hand against Matthew's cheek.
He turned slightly.
He did not kick or thrash about.
He wanted to hold him.
"When can we hold them?" asked Grissom.
"Maybe tomorrow," advised the nurse.
He needs to be held now…
"How's his breathing?" asked Grissom.
"It's better."
She woke with a start.
It had been a hellish dream.
She gasped for air as she cringed from the pain.
Brass grabbed her hand.
"I'm here," he said.
"How's Matthew?" she asked quickly.
"Grissom is with him," he said.
"I need to see him," she said.
"I'll tell him," said Brass.
"No…I need to go now," she said.
"Sara…"
"I have to see them both. I have to hold Matthew. I dreamed he died and I never got to hold him. I have to hold him… Please!…do you understand?"
He did.
He glanced around.
"I'll try to find a wheelchair."
He slipped out of the room.
As soon as he left, she pulled the covers back and tried to stand.
She broke out in sweat as she stood there on shaky legs.
She cried out when she fell to the floor.
The nurse came rushing in as soon as the alarm on the IV stand sounded.
Brass cursed as he rushed in.
"I'm sorry. I know I should have waited," she said.
Brass scooped her into his arms and deposited her back into the bed.
"Don't tell him…don't…" she glanced up to find him standing in the doorway.
"What happened?" Grissom yelled.
"My fault. I tried to get up," she said as she winced from the pain in her abdomen.
The nurse quickly examined her.
"Some of the staples have come out. We'll need to call the physician."
Grissom quickly came to her side and examined the incision.
He glared at her.
"I uhm…"
"You could have hurt yourself! What did you think you were…"
She sat there and cried.
He stopped immediately.
"I'm sorry Sara. I didn't mean…"
They were interrupted by the physician as he entered the room.
Grssom felt a hand on his arm as Brass pulled him outside.
"I thought you were going to watch her?" Grissom yelled.
"She woke from a nightmare…she dreamed Matthew died. She begged me to let her see them. I stepped out to find a wheelchair," he said.
Grissom ran his hand through his hair.
He was tired.
"She needs to see them," said Brass.
"She's physically not ready," he said.
"Listen to me Gil. For her emotional and physical well being, she needs to see them…especially Matthew."
He turned quickly when the physician stepped out.
"She should not be on her feet just yet. She's physically too weak," he warned.
"She needs to see the twins," said Grissom.
"We'll have a wheelchair brought up," said the physician.
"How soon?" asked Grissom.
"I'll put it in the chart…"
Grissom walked past the physician and back into the room.
She quickly swiped at her eyes.
"Gil, I'm sorry."
He sat down on the bed.
"Would you like to see them?" he asked.
She nodded.
He pushed the IV out of the way as he gently picked her up.
"I'll need your help on this," said Grissom to Brass.
"You lead and I'll follow," he said as he took hold of the IV pole.
He carried her down the hall and deposited her in a rocker.
He tried to ignore the sweat that beaded her forehead as she trembled.
She sat there and looked into the incubator.
"This is Katie," he said softly.
"She's crying," said Sara.
"That's because she insists on having someone touch her," he said. "Watch."
He slipped his hand through the glove and took the infant's hand.
She stopped immediately.
Sara grinned.
"Could I?" she asked.
He helped her stand.
She felt his hands on her waist as she placed her hand into the incubator.
She smiled when the baby reacted.
"She's going to be a hand full," said Brass.
"Where's Matthew?" she asked suddenly.
He carried her to the other side.
Matthew lay there quietly.
They exchanged glances.
"He's not moving," she said.
"He's conserving his strength," said Grissom.
She slipped her hand into the glove and caressed his cheek.
He turned toward her.
"He's so tiny," she said. "Has there been any improvement in his condition?" she asked.
Grissom did not reply.
She grabbed the nurse's arm as she passed.
"Matthew…has there been any improvement since his arrival?" she asked.
"I'm sorry but there's not been any…he's holding his own," she said quietly.
She swallowed hard.
"When can I hold him?" she asked. "I need to hold him."
"Wait right here," said the nurse as she walked over to the head nurse and spoke in hushed tones.
"Mrs. Grissom, would you like to hold your son?" asked Mrs. Fleming.
"Yes, I would."
Grissom stared at the other nurse.
"He's not improving…maybe this will help," she said quietly to Grissom. "We'll need you to put on garments as well as sterilize your hands."
They placed Sara in a special room with a rocker.
She sat there and watched as they removed his tiny body from the incubator.
She took a deep breath as they placed him in her arms.
She wasn't sure how to hold him.
She struggled with the wires that supported his tiny frame.
Once she held him, she stared into his small face.
She held him close as she felt the tears drop one by one.
She breathed in deeply.
His scent was intoxicating.
Grissom knelt by her side.
"He's beautiful," she said.
"Yes, he is," he said.
She wrapped him up tighter and placed his small head next to her cheek.
It was good to feel him.
She touched his cheek and caressed his small frame.
She did nothing but touch every inch of him.
She gently rocked him as she stopped from time to time to place feathery kisses on his forehead.
She handed him to Grissom as she took Katie and rocked her.
She was quite different from her brother.
You have all the strength…
You're going to be just fine Katie…
She kissed her softly as she handed her to Grissom.
She took Matthew again and held him close.
An hour passed and then another.
She was exhausted and yet she did not care.
She was holding Matthew.
Skin to skin…
So soft…
So small…
Please Matthew don't give up…