AN: GOOD MORNING READERS! Or shall I be saying good night to some of you seeing as how it's almost 2 am?!? So I just finished the 2nd chapter in this update..and it's massive. I do hope you all enjoy your over 20,000 word update. Hopefully it will keep you guys busy as I work on the next few chapters. I love that you guys tear through them as quickly as I can get them out...it makes me feel like I'm doing a good job. ^_^. ENJOY!
Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to Twilight...I only own this slowly evolving chaotic plot line!
Early Morning Dismay and Evening Comforts
BPOV
Tuesday and yesterday passed by in a blur, much to my dismay. It only made today come that much quicker..my damn birthday. Edward came to sit with Alice and I at lunch on Tuesday, and Jasper and Emmett followed soon after, both sporting pouting puppy dog faces until Alice and I laughed and motioned for them to sit. I let go of my attempts at making them squirm, and we quickly found an easy going groove between the five of us.
Alice started teaching them how to sign properly right away, and she forbade them from speaking out loud at the table. She insisted it would only help them in the long run, and I agreed whole heartedly, as I've seen her work her magic before with Esme, Carlisle, and myself.
Emmett looked about ready to burst with frustration by the time the bell rang. Jasper was as calm and collected as ever, and Edward just laughed his way through the whole ordeal. I don't think much was actually achieved during the brief encounter, but at least it was amusing..well to most of us anyhow.
Edward and I continued to pass notes back and forth in Bio, and he even slipped a few that he had written in other classes into my locker throughout the day yesterday. The one that he had put in there after his fourth period English class had me holding my sides with laughter as he described his game of batting away the love notes that were thrown at him daily. I wrote him a response to that one claiming that if he didn't read them, then how did he know that they weren't just trying to tell him that his fly was down? He laughed heartily as he approached me in the cafeteria with my note in his hand.
Things seemed to be going really well, and although I was still a bit nervous around Emmett and Jasper, Edward made me feel secure as he averted my attention when he started to notice the discomfort that showed in my eyes from time to time. I couldn't possibly thank him enough for that, as I couldn't even explain why I was feeling that way. Something just felt off about the two of them, and I couldn't put my finger on it. There was just something fundamentally different about the way they approached me during our encounters, and it made the alarms in my head screech out. I've been hoping that it's just a fluke, that they're just being set off by the sudden existence of our little social circle where just days before there was nothing there.
The herd of hags still hadn't returned to school, and I was beginning to wonder if they ever would. I was still worried over what they would do to us in terms of retaliation when and if they returned. I told Edward about this during one of our note sessions, and he told me not to worry about it. That he'd protect me every moment that he could, and that when he couldn't, Alice would be there...like in the locker room. That was actually the area that I feared the most when it came to thinking of the possibilities of their acts of retribution.
Overall though, these last few days have been nothing short of spectacular. It was a very welcomed change from the way my days used to pass. That however, didn't change the fact that today was my birthday, and I was sincerely dreading it.
I woke up this morning with an overwhelming sense of foreboding. I really hope it's just proved to be useless anxiety by the end of the day, but I'm skeptical of that hope.
I rolled out of bed at 6 and headed into the shower. Alice would be over at 6:30 to fix me up for the day. I really needed to get her to teach me how to cover these damn scars as well as she does. I tried yesterday, but it didn't look near as flawless as it does when she applies it. It wasn't noticeable by any means, but it just wasn't the same as when she does it. I can almost forget it's there by the time she's finished with it.
I picked out a quick outfit, not wanting to waste time being indecisive. It was a simple pair of medium blue jeans, an olive green camisole, and a white short sleeved button up shirt with little silver buckles on the ends of the sleeves holding the sleeves together as they wrapped around my arms, all courtesy of Alice's impromptu Saturday night shopping excursion.
Alice came right at 6:30 as promised, and had me fixed up and ready in a jiffy. We made it down the stairs quickly and greeted Esme as she was making my favorite chocolate chip pancakes for my birthday breakfast. I sincerely hoped she hadn't bought me anything, as the necklace she had given me just days ago was plenty enough for me.
We finished breakfast quickly, and still had about twenty minutes left until it was time to leave. Carlisle entered the kitchen as Esme, Alice, and I sat quietly signing to each other. Esme had been asking us about how school had been going so far this year, and we told her about the good parts, making sure to leave out the herd of hags, and Alice's implication in the Newton scandal...we did however mention the scandal itself though. Esme was shocked and appalled to say the least.
As Carlisle rounded the counter to stand by Esme, they smiled at me, and I noticed that he was holding a folder in his hands. I pointed at it curiously, and their smiles grew impossibly wider. Alice was bouncing on her seat next to me, making me even more suspicious of what could be in the damn thing.
'What's in the folder, Dad?' I signed quickly.
'Bella, Esme and I..'
'Mom,' I quickly corrected him and he smiled widely, his eyes shining.
'Very well. Bella, your mother and I would like to ask you something very important. If you agree, this will not only be your birthday gift, but a gift to us as well," he signed as he smiled and his eyes remained bright with excitement.
'Okay, what do you want to ask?' I signed nervously.
'Bella, we would like to ask you to allow us to formally adopt you. We would like to make it official and legal that you are our daughter. Would you give us the honor of officially being your parents?' Esme signed, apparently growing tired of waiting for Carlisle to get it out.
I was shocked. I had wanted this for so long, and here they were asking me, and I couldn't move for a moment.
'Are you sure? You really want to adopt me? You really want to be my parents indefinitely?' I signed hurriedly as my nerves sparked with both excitement that they wanted to be my parents officially and pure fright that they weren't sure of their decision.
"Bella! We would love nothing more! We've only waited this long because we were unsure of whether or not you would want us to!" Esme cried out as she rounded the corner to pull me into a hug.
"She's right, Bella. We honestly would love nothing more than to make the three of us an official family. The paperwork is all here, all you have to do is allow us to sign it, and it's official," Carlisle stated comfortingly.
The tears flowed from my eyes at an alarming rate. They were mixed tears. Tears of pure joy, tears of grief over losing my real family, tears of gratitude that I had managed to find two people that loved me as they would a child of their own, and tears of hope for the family that I would be gaining. I pulled back from Esme just enough so that I could sign to them and they could see it.
'Please do, right here, right now. I've never wanted anything more than I want this. I've wanted this for so long. This is the best birthday gift ever. Thank you Mom and Dad. This is incredible.' I signed excitedly to them.
They both laughed, with tears of joy in their eyes as they each signed the papers that lay in front of them, making the adoption official. I was officially now their daughter, and I couldn't be happier about it.
"Bella, before we sign this last page, I want to be sure that you want this. You're last name will change with this, and I don't want you to regret the decision. We tried to get them to allow you to keep your last name, but there was nothing we could do about the procedure," Carlisle stated hesitantly, and a look of worry shot across his face. I laughed and signed quickly to him.
'Dad, it's alright. I have the names that my family chose for me, the one part that wasn't chosen isn't as important. And regardless of any legal document, in my heart I will always be Isabella Marie Swan Cullen from this point out. Just think of how long it will be if I ever get married!' I joked trying to ease their fears.
They both laughed and quickly signed the last page. I quickly hopped off of my seat and rounded the counter, attacking them both into a fierce hug at the same time. They held onto me just as fiercely and from in between their arms I caught a quick glimpse of a very wet faced Alice. I threw one of my hands up and waved to her to come join her rightful spot in our little family embrace. She quickly got up and came over to us, snuggling in between Esme and myself.
By the time we released each other, we were all a sloppy wet mess. Alice rushed us up the stairs to quickly fix our make-up before we had to bolt out the door in an effort to not be late to class. Alice drove like the speed demon she is, but we still arrived five minutes late to first period.
Mrs. Guy glared at us as we entered the room. Alice apologized for both of us as we took our seats. The day just seemed to fly by from that point. Angela wished me a happy birthday in math Trig. class, and I mouthed a thank you and smiled at her. She really was an amazingly nice person.
Edward gave me a card at lunch, it was home made and the inside was hilarious to me. He wrote me my own birthday poem.
I know the last thing you would want is a gift
If memory recalls correctly...
The notion leaves you quite miffed.
I thought this would be more worth while,
And if at all possible...
Even make you smile.
If I got this wrong, please tell me now.
I'll run to the store, buy anything...
I promise to make it up somehow.
If I managed to do this right..
Please do me the honor,
Of joining our group for a movie tomorrow night.
Please have a happy day,
For anyone who dares to interfere..
By way of me will be sure to dearly pay.
I'll be here for you Bella, always and forever.
For anyone who dares to play skeptic to my claim...
To them I'll simply say...doubt me never.
Happy Birthday Bella
I hugged him with a strength worthy of Emmett's muscles when I finished reading the inside. I felt like I was on top of the world, and nothing at this point could knock me off. I felt invincible.
Edward and I passed notes once again in Biology class. He even had a knack for managing to get all of Mr. Banner's notes written down in between our note passing. He's left a copy of the notes tucked under Alice's windshield wiper every day since Monday, only Monday it was under Esme's wiper blade. The thoughtfulness of that guy astounded me.
It wasn't until Alice and I walked into the parking lot after school, that my day began to go to shit, because there, right down the aisle from where we stood, was Alice's Porsche, completely covered in balloons, teddy bears, streamers, confetti, and shoe polish writing all over the windows, declaring it to be my birthday. Just one look at the damn thing told me exactly who to point my finger at. Emmett freaking McCarty. Alice gasped and almost looked close to tears. I wrapped my arm around her shoulder and led us toward her car.
People all across the lot started yelling out "Happy Birthday Bella!" one right after the other. I just wanted to crawl into a hole and hide for the rest of my damn life. Alice and I freed all the balloons that were attached to her car, and peeled off all of the damn bears and streamers. She went to the trunk and pulled out some glass cleaner wipes and handed me a few before she pulled a few out for herself. It took us the better part of a half an hour just to get most of the shit off the windows. Poor Alice looked about ready to murder someone. We put our stuff in her car, and she put away the glass cleaner wipes. I stopped her as she was about to walk over to the driver's side of the car, keys in hand, ready to leave this damnn parking lot.
'Alice? How about a little revenge?' I asked with a mischievous grin.
'Revenge on who, Bella? I don't even know who did this!' she signed with a confused and exasperated expression.
'Not yet you don't...but I do.' I replied cryptically.
"Who, Bella? Spill it, NOW!" she chimed excitedly.
"E.M.M.E.T.T.' I signed slowly. Her eyes narrowed and her face became determined.
"Bella? Don't the guys have football practice after school today?" she asked with an overly innocent tone. I knew that tone, she was concocting a plan. I nodded excitedly.
Alice quickly re-opened the trunk of her car, and started digging through it, looking for something. After a few minutes, she pulled out a plain white plastic jar that had no writing on it. I looked at her suspiciously for a second until she answered.
"It's a sports cream, Bella. I used to use it all the time after my gymnastics practices and events. It doesn't smell nasty like that icy-hot stuff, but dear God if you put it on a sensitive area it burns like holy hell!" she explained hurriedly. I looked at her confusedly.
What the hell is she going to do with that?
"Bella, I'm gonna need you to keep a lookout for me, okay? I just need you to stand in the gym by the doors to the field, and bang on the locker room door if you hear anyone coming. That's all you have to do, alright? If someone starts approaching, Just hit the door twice and run before they see you in the gym," she spoke hurriedly as we walked towards the gym.
It was eerily silent inside as we made our way across the gym floor. The only sounds I could hear were our footsteps and my heartbeat. I was almost betting Alice could hear my heartbeat as well as it pounded away in my ears.
Alice slipped silently into the guy's locker room, and I dutifully listened at the doors for anyone approaching. It was completely silent the entire time. A few minutes later, I was startled by someone whispering in my ear.
"What are you listening so intently for?"
I slowly turned, only to find Alice covering her mouth and shaking with silent laughter. She snorted loudly when my shocked face met her gaze.
"Come on, Bella...Let's get the hell out of here!" she sang as she pulled me towards the opposite side of the gym. If my heartbeat was loud before, it was positively deafening now.
We practically ran all the way out to the car, and once we got there I stopped her.
'Alice, what did you do?' I asked curiously.
"I found Emmett's locker, thankfully they use those wire sports lockers so it made it easy to find his simply by looking for the clothes he was wearing earlier today. I picked the lock easily, really people need to learn how to use combination locks, and put a healthy dose of that cream into his body wash and shook it to mix it. Then, simply out of spite, I watered a bit of the cream down, and doused the crotch of his underoos in it. I would have just applied the cream directly to them, but I'll be damned if I'm touching his dirty knickers!" she said in a rush as she ushered me towards the passenger side of the car.
"I just hope that they dry by the time he gets out of the shower..." she trailed off as she shut the door behind me and ran around to the other side of the car. I turned to her once she got into her seat and quickly signed to her.
'Alice! That's so mean! I hope it doesn't cause any real damage.' I signed with an expression that was half amused and half horrified at what she had done.
"Bella, he trashed my baby, violated my property, and put you in the center spotlight in front of everyone. A little burning sensation in his britches won't kill him. If he's smart he'll change his soap quickly," she said with exasperation.
'That's just it, Alice. He's NOT smart!' I signed quickly.
"Then maybe he'll learn not to mess with the best," she said with a smug smile. I just shook my head as she proceeded to pull out of the school's parking lot at full speed.
Only ten minutes later, we were heading down our street. Only a few more moments and I would be in the warm and comforting confines of my home. Unfortunately, as Alice turned onto my driveway, that welcomed feeling vanished. I almost had a panic attack at the sight of what lay in my driveway as we pulled in.
It was my father's pick-up truck. It looked completely restored, but I was almost certain that it was his exact truck. It took Alice ten minutes to get me out of the car. I know it seems irrational to be terrified of an inanimate object, but this was like an omen from my past catching up to me, and it terrified me.
Alice finally got me out of the car and I warily approached the truck. I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen it with my own two eyes, but that damn dream catcher that Billy's wife had made for Charlie one Christmas was still hanging from the rear-view mirror. I damn near passed out on the spot. Carlisle came rushing out of the house when he spotted us, and ushered us inside. I was practically frozen to the spot as I stared at the dream catcher.
Carlisle sat me down on the couch and ran off to get me a glass of water as I tried to calm myself down. I heard a vaguely familiar voice from behind me, but it was slightly different from how I remembered it, but then again it had been about five years since I had heard it at all.
"Bella?" he questioned cautiously.
I spun around to look behind me, and was shocked at the sight of Billy, my dad's best friend, in a wheelchair approaching me. A moment later, a very tall, but familiar looking young man walked into the room and stood behind Billy. The young man smiled at me, but I couldn't even force a smile through my shock. I just stared at them warily.
"Bella, it's okay honey. Do you remember me?" Billy asked. I nodded nervously as I stared at him.
"Do you remember Jacob? My son?" he asked as he pointed to the tall young man.
My eyes must have been as wide as saucers by this point. There was no way that kid behind him could be Jake. He was too damn big to be him. Jake would only be 15 right now and this kid looked closer to 18! I nodded dumbly once again, and the kid that was supposed to be my friend Jake smiled at me. It wasn't until he smiled that I recognized him, and I flew off the back of the couch, crashing into him, and clinging to him for dear life.
He was the only person that I had communicated with via letters back and forth for the first year after I came back. We wrote regularly until his mother died about a year after I had come to live with Esme and Carlisle. Somehow amidst all the confusion that surrounded the both of us at the time, we lost contact with each other. I wanted to write so many times, but I wasn't even sure if he even still lived in his old house.
Jake laughed as he hugged me tightly, causing my feet to come off the floor. Billy laughed from beside us as I refused to let go of the one friend that I hadn't resented as a result of our loss of communication. I understood where he was when he lost his mother, and with his father always away from home, he was surrounded with the chaos of trying to be the man of the household at an incredibly young age.
I finally pried myself off of him, and smiled up at him. He was damn near as tall as Edward, and I wouldn't be surprised if he matched Emmett's towering height within the next few years. He held my hand and escorted me back to the front of the couch and sat down next to me. Billy wheeled himself up in front of us and I smiled at him, thankful now that he had shown up here today. That truck no longer seemed like a bad omen for what was to come. I was actually glad that he had kept it for so long.
Alice entered the living room a few minutes later, one step ahead of me as always, toting the dry erase board with her that she had hidden what felt like eons ago. She handed it to me and took the empty seat next to me. I quickly wrote on the board and held it up for Jake and Billy to read.
Hi! I'm surprised to see you both! This is my friend Alice on my right.
Billy and Jake looked at me funny as they read the board.
"Bella? Is it true? You really haven't spoken in five years?" Billy asked as a pained expression crossed his face. I nodded sullenly.
"Why?" Jake asked innocently. I quickly wrote a note and showed it to both of them.
It's hard to explain correctly, but trying to speak causes me to have a severe panic attack. It locks my body up so it's like frozen and I get stuck within the darkness of myself. Carlisle could explain it better to you if you'd like...
They both nodded, but Billy quickly commented.
"We'll get to that later, Bella. I'm in no rush, and I'd like to get to spend some time with you if that's alright?" he asked cautiously. I nodded happily.
"So I hear the Cullen's finally adopted you this morning," Billy said, his husky voice warm and soothing. I nodded happily once again.
"That's great, kiddo. You're parents would be pleased to see you so happy," he said warmly once again. I frowned for a moment as I thought about them, but recovered quickly.
We ditched the dry erase board after that. I never thought I'd say it after I had first used it, but I hated the damn thing now. I'd much rather just use sign language, and Alice happily agreed to translate for me.
We bantered back and forth for about an hour and a half, catching up with each other, and everything that had happened to us over the last few years. I was surprised when I found out that his sister Rachel had just married a surfer and lived in Hawaii now, and his other sister Rebecca was away at college. I couldn't believe that enough time had passed that they were now old enough to be married and in college. I was also surprised to hear that Jake had been dating Leah, a girl I had met only a few times on the reservation, for almost a year now. He seemed really happy, and I was grateful for that. At least he didn't have as rough as a road to travel as I had been traveling on for five years now.
Alice had to excuse herself at 5 to go home for dinner, which left Jake, Billy and I needing to use the damn board once again. I went to write something on the board, but Billy began to speak.
"Bella, how would you feel about taking over ownership of your father's truck? When he left it with me, he told me that if anything ever happened, he wanted you to have it when you were old enough to drive it," he spoke softly and cautiously, unsure as to how I would react to his offer.
I thought about it for a few minutes. I wasn't quite sure how I really felt about it. I knew I would be getting my permit soon, but I wasn't sure if I would be able to drive around in a constant reminder of my parents. As I contemplated it, I came upon one undeniable fact. That truck was one of the last remains of a life that I had shared with my parents during happier times. Aside from that, all I had were a few photos, and my quilt. I had nothing else of theirs. It was with this realization that I made my decision.
I'd love to...are you sure Billy? Don't you need it?
"No, Bella. I don't need it. In fact, Jacob here has spent the last five years restoring it to near mint condition for your birthday," he said with a bright smile. I smiled at Jake and he blushed.
"Yeah, It's been a real pain in the rear. I haven't been able to figure out what's wrong with it that only enables it to go about 55 miles an hour maximum, but it runs smooth, and both the exterior and interior have been completely restored for you. I reattached your father's dream catcher to the rear-view mirror before we drove it up here today. I figured you might want to keep it with the truck. I promise I'll eventually figure out what's up with the speed thing," Jake replied half sincerely and half excitedly. It was nice to see him so passionate about something, and from the looks of the truck now as compared to the last time I had seen it, he was damn good at restoring cars.
Thank you. I don't know how I'll ever repay you for this, but thank you.
I shed a few tears as I wrote my message, but managed a smile as I looked up at them.
"We're going to have to get going in a bit, sweetheart. Sue will be here shortly to pick us up. I had a feeling you would want to keep the truck," Billy smiled as he spoke.
"If it's alright with you, Bella, could I have a quick chat with you outside before we go?" Billy asked cautiously. I nodded at him, and hugged Jake once before I got up to follow Billy out the front door.
He rolled his wheelchair up next to the swing on the front porch, and I sat down next to him, curious as to what he would need to talk to me in private about. He began almost immediately after I sat down.
"Bella, do you know what I used to do for a living?" he asked warily. I shook my head and gave him a confused expression. I didn't see what his old career had anything to do with anything really.
"I was a cop, Bella. Just like your dad. In fact, we were part of the same department. It was how we met nearly 30 years ago. The only differences between your father and I were that he was my boss during the later years, and I was an undercover cop. I never even received a paycheck from the department. All of my pay was re-routed through government agencies as a protection for both myself and my family, and it showed up monthly appearing to anyone who cared enough to look for it as a disability check. It's why I was away from my family for such long periods of time. It was the only way to keep them safe," he spoke softly as he stared off into the woods across the street from our home. My face was an accurate mix of shock and disbelief at his claims. My father never told me that he was a cop. He paused for a moment of time before speaking again.
"I'm not going to force any unwanted information on you, honey, but I just wanted you to know that if you ever wanted answers as to what happened five years ago, you can always come to me. There are very few people left that know every detail of it, and I'm one of the few. If you ever want or need to know about it, please come to me. I see now just how hard you've had it these past few years, and it kills me to know that I've failed to protect you. Anything I can do to help you move past the pain you feel, anything at all, just say the word and I'll do my best to help you with it, okay?" he spoke with nothing but sincerity.
I was practically frozen as I tried to comprehend all that he had said. The most I was able to manage at the moment was a dumb mute nod in his direction.
"My biggest fear for you right now is that you blame yourself for what transpired in Phoenix, and Bella that is the last thing you should do. It was in no way, shape, or form your fault, honey. I can promise you that much, okay?" he spoke and I nodded stupidly once again.
Goddammit, Bella! Here are your answers and your damn near frozen solid! The truth is right in front of you and you're avoiding it like the damn plague!
I can't! I just can't! He's in a fucking wheelchair now! What if that's because of what happened to my family?! I can't bear to know that someone else was hurt! It's too much!
How will you ever know if you don't ask?! You have means to communicate now...use them!
GODDAMMIT I CAN'T! I'M TERRIFIED!
Ugh! What am I going to do with you? We're going to be trapped like this for the rest of our god forsaken lives!
NO WE WON'T! I JUST NEED SOME TIME! Just some time...everything's happening too fast...
"Bella? Are you alright?" Billy asked, worry lacing his husky tone. I shook my head.
I wasn't alright. This was too much...all of it. It felt like there were walls closing in on me.
"What's wrong kiddo? Use your board, talk to me," he said calmly.
I grabbed my board and started to write furiously.
Billy, are you in that wheelchair because of what happened in Phoenix?
"Yes, but it wasn't until two years later when I finally figured out the missing link that I had been searching for since the event with your parents. I was injured in the line of duty when we took down one of the people responsible for what happened to you and your parents," he said, careful not to disclose more than I wa asking for.
I'm sorry Billy. I'm sorry that you were hurt along with us. I'm sorry that even with as much as we suffered, you still weren't protected.
"Bella, please don't ever think that way. It was my job to figure out what had happened and how, and your father was my best friend. I would have gone to the end of the Earth to find the answers I was looking for," he said candidly.
Was it worth it? Do you ever regret it?
"It was worth every minute of this, Bella. No I never regret it. I would do it again if I had to, because it was the only way..." he trailed off and didn't finish. I was curious, but too terrified to know how he would have ended that comment. I just nodded, attempting to accept that he didn't regret how he ended up.
Sue showed up just moments later, and Jake came out of the house to help his father down the stairs. I hugged Billy quickly, and walked over to Jake. I wrapped my arms around his waist and buried my face in his chest. He rubbed my back soothingly as he murmured 'It'll be alright' over and over into my hair. I pulled back after a few moments, and he wiped a stray tear from my cheek.
"If you ever need me, come and find me. We still live in the same house down in La Push, alright Bells?" he asked sincerely. I nodded and hugged him quickly once more.
Jake managed to get Billy down the steps single handedly as I watched. Billy looked up at me as his helpless body was jarred with each thump down the stairs. For a moment, I felt like I was watching myself being dragged down the stairs in that god forsaken wooden chair five years ago.
"Remember, Bella. Any time you want or need them...come find me. I'll give you all I can, honey," Billy said as they finally made it to the walkway. I nodded and continued to watch until they were all loaded into the car with Sue. They waved, and I returned the gesture as they drove off.
I stood on the porch for a while, staring blankly at the shiny red vintage Chevy truck in my driveway. At some point, my feet began to move on their own accord towards it. When I made it to the passenger side door, I opened it carefully. It didn't make that loud squeak anymore, in fact it barely made a noise at all. I climbed into the passenger seat, and closed the door behind me. Instantly, the scent of my father's cigars from his fishing trips hit me like a ton of bricks, and the floodgates in my eyes opened instantly. Allowing torrents of tears to flow endlessly from them.
It was close to 7pm by the time I climbed out of the truck and made my way slowly back into the house. Esme was making dinner, but I couldn't even find a slight urge to want to eat a thing. I only wanted one thing, and I was desperately hoping that my parents would allow it.
I approached Esme and Carlisle warily. They both looked up at me, and Carlisle jumped out of his seat and rushed to my side. Esme looked like she had just been drowned in panic as she quickly approached me.
"Sweetheart what is it?" Carlisle asked as he cupped my face tenderly and gently ran his thumbs over the red swells underneath my eyes. I gently pulled his hands away from my face so he could see what I was about to ask.
'Mom, Dad, could one of you bring me to Edward's? I need him right now.' I signed hesitantly, afraid that they would say no.
"Of course, dear. Let me just grab my keys and we'll go right away," Esme said frantically as she darted off to find her keys. Carlisle kissed my forehead before speaking.
"Thank you, honey," he said simply.
'For what?' I signed quickly in confusion.
"For telling us what you needed to help you right now, instead of trying to deal with it on your own," he replied sincerely. I hugged him tightly to me as I realized that neither of them would be hurt by my need for someone other than them. They only cared that I sought out whatever I needed to help myself in whatever healthy way I could manage. And right now, I needed someone that knew me before all of this had happened. Someone who knew the real me that was buried somewhere deep within me. Someone that could help me by knowing exactly how to comfort me.
I needed Edward.
Esme came back quickly and wrapped her arms around me as she ushered me out the front door after I let go of Carlisle. He told me he loved me and I signed the same in return as I left with Esme. We got into the car, and she drove quickly to their house. She walked me to the front door and waited with me until Liz opened the door.
"Oh, dear. Bella...are you alright sweetheart?" she asked in a panic as her hands flitted tentatively around my face and hair.
"Liz, would Edward happen to be home? Bella's had a rough afternoon and she could really use a friend right now," Esme spoke kindly, but I heard the worry that overwhelmed her voice.
"Of course, come in, come in. Bella, honey, Edward is up in his room, you go ahead and make your way up there. If you need anything, just let me know alright?" Liz said in a worried frenzy. I nodded and made my best attempt at a smile as I headed up the stairs to his room.
"Bella, I'll be in the kitchen with Liz whenever you're ready, sweetheart. Take all the time you need, okay?" Esme voiced as I ascended the staircase. I nodded once again in their direction and continued my ascent.
I approached his door slowly, but I didn't hear anything coming from inside the room. I shifted my footing a few times as I listened and I almost turned back around, but the door opened and Edward's face quickly turned from curiosity in regards to who was lurking outside his door to sheer panic as his gaze landed on my face.
"Oh God, Bella! What happened?!" he nearly shouted in his panicked state as he crushed me to his chest. The salty torrents once again began to flow from my eyes, and my body was racked with violent and silent sobs.
He effortlessly lifted me and cradled me in his arms as he shut his door and made his way over to his bed. He held me tightly as he propped himself up against the pillows and headboard of his bed. Edward rocked me side to side gently as he cradled my head between his neck and shoulder, his cheek resting against mine.
It wasn't until a few minutes later that I began to recognize the tune he was humming quietly. It was his melody, the one that he said was inspired by me. He continued to rock me, allowing me to cry and expel whatever emotions had been pent up for so long, never asking me questions, or continuously asking me if I was alright. He knew I wasn't, and he knew the only thing I would want him to do at this moment was exactly what he was doing, comfort me and hold me together as the emotions threaten to rip me to pieces.
My sobs and tears finally began to subside after what felt like an eternity. He lifted my chin when they had been completely missing for a period of time.
"Are you alright now?" he asked softly, his once panic ridden eyes now faded to a slightly overwhelming level of worry. I nodded and awkwardly wrapped my arms around his torso from where I sat sideways in his lap.
"Hold on, Bella. That can't be comfortable for you," he said softly as he began to shift underneath me. He stretched his legs out in front of him, and scooted down a tiny bit, then finally rested against the pillows behind him.
He patted his chest when he was finally settled, and held his arms out to me. "Come on..I bite, I promise, remember?" he said as he forced a smile. I forced one of my own and laid down on his chest, my left leg sliding off to the side of him as my right leg wrapped around his legs, my right arm draped across his chest and holding onto the side of his shirt, clinging to him for dear life.
He began humming quietly again as his right arm held me tightly to him, and he used his left hand to run his fingers through my hair and caress the tension lines off my face. We stayed like that for an impossible amount of time, until he fished his cell phone out of his pocket and hit a speed dial number and raised the phone to his ear. I almost chuckled when I heard the house phone ring.
"Hey mom, can you bring me up a cold damp washcloth for Bella, please? And maybe a glass of water? Thanks mom," he spoke quietly and quickly shut the phone and tossed it onto the nightstand beside him. His room was only dimly lit by the lamp on his nightstand now. At some point it had become completely dark out.
Liz came up only minutes later, washcloth and cup of water in hand. She set the glass down on the nightstand, and handed Edward the washcloth. She pushed the hair away from the side of my face and kissed my temple before walking back out of the room.
Edward placed the cool cloth gently against my face, and I placed my hand over his, unsure as to whether or not I should try to pull him away.
"Shh, Bella it's alright. It's just to ease the puffiness," he said quietly before he kissed the top of my head and resumed his quiet humming once again. The coolness of the cloth felt incomprehensibly soothing against my raw and burning skin. I was almost about to drift to sleep when he spoke again.
"Do you want to talk about it at all? You don't have to, I just want to make sure that I'm not stopping you from doing so if you would like to," he said quietly, his velvety smooth voice soothing me even further. I hesitated for a moment and then nodded. I did need to talk about this.
Edward shifted to get up, but I panicked all of a sudden and clung to him. He chuckled softly.
"Bella, I'm just getting a pen and paper. I'll be back in under 30 seconds, I promise," he said half amused. I released my grip and he slid out from under me and off the bed effortlessly.
He grabbed the pen and a notebook that was sitting on his desk and slid back onto the bed beside me, handing me both. I quickly started writing.
Edward, I came home from school today with Alice, and my father's truck was in the driveway. Do you remember that old beat up thing that he loved like it was another child of his?
Yes, I remember it very well. I was always surprised that it even ran at all...What was it doing in your driveway?
Billy, my father's best friend, gave it to me for my birthday. His son, Jacob, completely restored it...it doesn't even look the same anymore.
Are you upset that he changed the truck?
No. It actually made it easier for me to accept it. It's my father's truck, but it's not the same so it's not as vivid of a reminder, but yet it's still a reminder...if that makes any sense at all.
It makes perfect sense, Bella. But if that's not what has you so upset than what does?
Edward, it's a lot of things... Billy is in a wheelchair now, he was injured in the line of duty trying to solve my parent's murders. He'll never walk again, and it's all because of my family. Because he felt obligated to find out who did that to us. I never knew he was a cop until today when he told me.
Bella, it was probably his job to investigate what happened. You can't blame yourself or your family for what happened to him.
Edward, he said if I ever wanted answers as to what happened that I could ask him. He said that few people remain that know all of the details of it. How many people died because of it? How many people's families are suffering now because of what happened to my family when we moved? Why did their lives get caught up in the web of ours? I can't bear to think of how many people are now suffering the loss of their loved ones because of it. Wasn't it enough that my family suffered what we did? Why did others have to get trapped in our situation with us?
Bella, I don't know how many families are suffering now because of what happened, and I don't know why or how they got caught up in the situation, but if you want answers, it seems that Billy would be the one to ask don't you think?
That's just it though...I think about the questions, but I can't bear to hear the answers to them! I've never felt so weak and helpless before, and it terrified me. When Billy and Jake left, I stupidly climbed into my father's truck, and as soon as I shut the door behind me, I got hit with the scent of his weekend fishing cigars like a damn sack of bricks. That's what threw me over the edge tonight. It broke me wide open and I couldn't find a way to shut off the onslaught of the emotions that reared up in me. I'm sorry that I came here so selfishly and interrupted you from whatever you were doing, but I didn't know where else to go. I needed someone who knew me. All of me. The old me and the new me. I needed someone from my past and my present. I needed you. Thank you for being there, Edward.
Bella, I promised you that I would be here whenever you needed me. You weren't being selfish at all coming here. There's nothing that I wouldn't drop at a moment's notice to be there for you when you need it. I'm happy that you came to me tonight. I'm happy that you allowed me to be there for you. It's all I could ask for in this situation. It's okay to feel helpless and weak sometimes Bella. That's what the people we care for and that care about us are for. They're there to help us stand when we don't think we can. It's also okay to not be ready for the answers to the questions you think about. Billy said whenever you wanted them to ask him. You have time, Bella. You don't have to run in a direction that you aren't ready for. And finally, it wasn't anywhere near stupid for you to climb into your father's truck. It was a way for you to feel close to your parents for a moment in time. A chance for you to reflect upon the happier times that you shared. In time, that truck will provide you with happiness instead of grief...it just takes time Bella.
Thank you, Edward. For everything.
Bella, love. Don't thank me. Just promise me that whenever you need me you'll come and find me. I don't care what I'm doing, or what time it is...just come and find me, okay?
Okay.
Edward tossed the notebook and pen across the bed and leaned back against the pillows again. He smiled at me and patted his chest once more, and I carefully crawled over to him, and snuggled up against his side. I didn't feel like I was about to be ripped apart any more by my emotions. That sensation had subsided to a dull throb in my chest, so I didn't feel the need to cling to him for my life any longer, but I still held onto him comfortably. Edward continued his humming once again, and returned to running his fingers through my hair. Before I knew it, I was sleeping peacefully for the first time in years. Edward's humming fading into the distant background. It paused momentarily, only to be replaced by his velvety smooth voice as it spoke, before starting up again.
"Sweet dreams, Bella."
AN: Hit? Miss? Tell me, tell me, tell me! R&R PLS & TY!