Chapter 36 - Perspectives
Severus looked the boy sitting next to him on the couch in his quarters.
"How old were you when you made friends with this man?" He inquired of the pale boy next to him.
"Six."
"Did he ever try to—," the man tried to ask about if the bum had ever done anything inappropriate with the child, but his son was already shaking his head in the negative.
"Once he saw uncle Vernon hit me hard enough to knock out a tooth, but unfortunately, uncle Vernon saw him too," the lad said quietly. "After that, he was always trying to get something done about what he'd seen, but no one was willing to listen to him."
"Except for his murderer," Severus said, putting the pieces together.
"Aunt Petunia got angry at me the next day because she couldn't find one of her knives, while uncle Vernon just leered at me the whole time," the boy said, shivering because of the memory.
Severus draped an arm carefully around him, not wanting to spook the boy as he relived the unpleasant experience.
"Child, I am finding myself at somewhat of a loss as to why you thought that account would help me towards understanding why you are not unhappy." Severus asked after a moment. "It seems as though your past is filled with tragedies and horrors similar in nature to this exact memory."
The boy sat in silent contemplation while Severus waited patiently for a response.
"I suppose that I told you that memory so that you would be forced to ask me why."
"Explain," Severus said as his eyes narrowed in confusion.
"It says something about my life if the first person to ever try to help me was a homeless half-drunk guy, right?"
Severus nodded, still not understanding.
"At the time, it was a new experience for me to have someone—anyone bother to care," the child said, looking up from his hands to gaze steadily at Severus.
"But now I have you," his son said with a slow smile. "So how can I not be happy?"
Severus found himself speechless. It was a shock to hear the boy detail how much Severus had done for him, but the sly, underhanded manner in which was delivered made Severus realize how very well the boy understood him.
Severus pulled the boy into his lap and hugged him fiercely while resting a cheek against the soft head—thankfully having already flattened the spikes. The child pushed himself back firmly against Severus's chest, obviously relishing the hug for what it was.
They stayed like that for a while, during which Severus found himself wondering at the special small life he had in his arms. Once more, he found himself mentally swearing to do right by the child. He wasn't sure whom the words were directed at, but a small part of his soul prayed that Lily might see them and take comfort that her child was finally being protected.
After releasing him, but not putting the boy down as of yet, Severus thought of something to finally say.
"Lee, may I ask why you opted to change your entire name?" He asked tentatively.
He felt the boy tense ever so slightly from where he was still leaning against Severus's chest, before relaxing once more.
"The child 'Harry James Potter' died with his parents," the child said in a hard slow voice. "Whatever that child would have been, or could have been, won't ever happen now, because the dreamers of that idea are dead," he said.
Severus's arms tightened slightly around the boy in reaction to his cold voice.
"From the night they died until I arrived at Hogwarts, the boy who existed was nothing more than a ghost, a scapegoat, a monster and a victim. And then I got to Hogwarts, and Harry Potter turned out to be a legend and a celebrity as well, but not a person or even a kid. I spent most of my life being despised for existing, and I've spent the last year and a half in much the same way, only now I have to suffer through the blind admiration too. Either way, I don't remember doing it, I don't remember my parents, and I'm bloody weary of everyone dumping their shit on me. Everyone expects me to be a certain way; the Dursley's expect me to moronic and clumsy, while everyone usually thinks I'll just be brilliant and arrogant."
Severus felt his heart crinkle into itself at hearing the child's bitterly cold words.
The boy turned himself around in his lap so that they were once again looking each other in the eyes.
"I just wanna be Lee now," the boy said, tears beginning to make their way past the chill of his previous tone. "I just wanna be a kid now. I don't wanna take care of myself no more," he said, speaking in a very small child's voice. He threw his arms around Severus's neck and Severus held on for dear life as his insides fought to overcome the pain from the boy's declaration.
"Please don't leave me Daddy, please don't," his son whispered desperately in his ear as his tears began.
"Hush child. I will never leave you. I will never forsake or betray you. You are mine, do you hear me? Mine," he roughly ground out to the child, the boy who had continued to steal his heart piece by piece.
He was now rocking back and forth with the boy against his chest, one of his hands cradling the back of the boy's head, while the other was pulled tight across the child's back.
With more than a little surprise, he realized that he himself had started to cry quietly as well over the seemingly insurmountable emotions waging war within them both.
…
Jimmy looked over them both sadly, but proud that his potions master had finally proclaimed his fierce devotion for the child.
Over in a far dark corner of the room, Jimmy saw that the little blinking Snitch was bobbing unobtrusively out of the way. He gave a smile and the Snitch did a little figure eight to show that it had seen.
Ooo Sad ooO – it blinked at Jimmy.
\But good\ Lillian pointed out from where she was curled up next to the warm fire.
Sad, but necessary, Jimmy agreed.
Jimmy was unable to communicate with very many of the humans at one time, but there seemed to be no limit of the number of objects and animals that he could, and did, often speak with.
He had seen so many Christmases where this same man had just drunk morosely to himself, often looking through photos of a much younger red haired Lily as he did, until finally being overcome with such incredible guilt and remorse for actions long past, that he had been forced to adjourn and finish the holiday with a supplication of dreamless sleep.
Yes, this was much better.
The two were still clasped tightly together, but it did seem as though the tears were finally drying up.
Severus, apparently realizing the same, stood up with the boy still in his arms and headed for his bed to lie down for the nap they both needed.
Yes, much better.
Jimmy just wished that all relationships within the castle were as hopeful as this one was turning out to be.
…
Ron was screaming again.
Or still.
Maybe he had always screamed, and he just couldn't remember.
He couldn't tell if what he was seeing in front of his eyes was real or just a nightmare.
Actually, it was far too possible that reality was the nightmare.
He was staring at the floor dead eyed, and Lucius was fucking Blaise.
No wait, Lucius had fucked Harry, and he had fucked Blaise.
But what if Lucius had fucked him and Blaise really was dead?
He could see it clearly in his mind, or dream, or reality or something.
He was only half-conscious at the time, but Lucius had kept up his incessant nattering all the same. And then he had bitten his nipple hard enough to bleed, but Harry's he had spit out of his mouth and laughed at the blood streaming down his ears—no, that was wrong.
Oh Merlin.
He had been fucked violently by Lucius. And Lucius had bitten his nipple; that was he was absolutely sure of, but because of the bandages, he couldn't tell if he had taken it off completely.
He remembered Lucius drawing his nails—no they were more like sharpened claws—through the furrows of his hips and between the lines of his ribs.
And he remembered screaming, finally he had screamed, because he remembered Lucius's laugh that had followed.
But he hadn't screamed at the pain.
He had screamed at the words that Lucius was practically gnawing into his neck with.
"Should have kept you around and fucked you blind while little Harry watched. Maybe we could have talked him into joining in. Just think, I could have fucked him while he fucked you and you could have been the one to take that little mudblood's cherry. Can't you just see her wide eyes as you pounded your dick into her tight little cunt, like I'm doing to you now?"
And on and on he had gone, pounding and talking, like he could have literally kept it up all night.
He hadn't felt it when Lucius had come, but he had seen the blood on the man's dick, because he had been forced to clean it off with only his tongue.
"What I can't understand is why your ass of a father keeps fucking your mother. After seven births, you can probably fit your entire fist in. Maybe I should find out."
And Ron had choked as Lucius sat down on his chest and began rutting against him, as he continued to talk.
"Maybe I should take pictures so your parents have something to work up to. Just think; you could turn into the family fuck. Everyone comes to Ron, if only to come in Ron." The man had laughed endlessly at that one.
He hadn't been able to breathe against the heavy weight pushing itself against his chest and lungs.
"Maybe I'll call up your dear old dad and see if he wants in on the excitement. He could bring your sister and we could introduce her to all of your companions here," Lucius had said, gesturing at the gaunt remnants of grinning, fucking ghouls that were currently at work around them.
His vision had begun turning black when Lucius had said something that hadn't meant anything then, but was only contributing to his torment now.
"I don't give a damn if you pass out; either way, I'm going to fuck you until I can feel the pull of your entrails against my dick."
This time he screamed until he began vomiting, irrationally trying to get the taste out of his mouth, out of his body, out of his mind.
And people had rushed around him as he did so, but all he could see in front of him was that cruel blond haired demon, laughing as he continued to repeatedly rape him.
And Harry.
And Blaise.
And all of the other boys who had been lost in that place with him.