Paige

The sleepy kid came to life when we left. "This was great. An opportunity of a lifetime for real." I teased. Something was obviously bothering Emily. "He was totally lifeless! Not at all what I expected! No games or running around, arguing for not going to bed, just nothing."

"What did you want to do then? Dress up as an Indian, tie me up on a totem pole and dance around me?" I teased. Her annoyed expression vanished slowly. "Really would you be up for it?"

"Sure for certain." Hell no woman. "Hey Em what's up?"

"Did you really hate it?" I opened my mouth and closed in time. This sounds like a tricky question, if I say yes there's an possibility I have to do this more often. If I say no, I'll regret it in another way. The kid was okay for now, who knows what he wants to know when he's more comfortable around us. I decided to say nothing. "Paige." "Yes?"

"I want kids."

"Sure, you do that. I like kids." I said. " Auwtch! What's that today with people slapping me? I'm driving watch out."

"I'm serious Paige. I want them with you."

"Em, something's telling me you don't mean in a couple of years or so. We just found each other." I whispered to say it as soft as I can. I shake my head, although I feel that way, we just admitted our feelings to each other, we are just starting out together. "Can't we just be together? There's still so much I want to discover about you."

"But?" Her gaze pierced in me as if she could see right through my soul. "I do want them someday. Little Munchkins. And we will have more time for each other soon, once I'm done with swimming."

"Yes about that Paige. We really have to talk about that. Don't you think that's a little bit drastic? I can handle Madison. You will regret this."

"No I won't. It's on my mind since before we went to visit my dad that day. I just realize every single day that I have the real trophy right here. I feel done. I still want to do something though, maybe a swim coach for little ones, or be in a professional trainer team or something. I'll figure it out. But I'm done with the competition."

I'm so happy that my life is improving with baby steps. I grew up as an professional athlete, I just want a normal day routine from now on. The Madison thing only made me do it faster than expected. "Just think about us with kids. There's where we are headed for sure. It will work out like this." She was about to object, I squeezed in her hand and I felt her placing a little kiss on mine. If I want her to understand me completely I know I have to be honest and give her the other side of why I don't want to go back to the pool anymore. It's growing me each day. Recurring nightmares are making me drown.

"I have been having this dream for the past months where I see a woman in the pool swimming and suddenly water is filling her longs, I jump in and swim towards her and when I reach her I can't see her anymore. She's gone, like she never was there in the first place. My dad is crying at the side of the pool. Then I know, the woman is my mother." I say each word slowly, trying to keep my voice even. Since I got my dad back it returned more heavy then before. I've never shared my nightmares with someone else, now I did it. And I'm not sure that's something to be happy about. My dad knew nothing about drowning, my mind can't just make that up right? Nightmares can't be liars, can they be? "My nightmares aren't going to stop until this is settled."

"Paige, it's a nightmare. You can't settle anything. You said you asked your dad, he doesn't remember anything about drowning. You have to accept it's just a nightmare, not necessary something with truth in it. And who says your mother isn't alive?"

I hit the brakes spontaneously without thinking about it really. "What are you saying, Emily?"

"Jeezes Paige! Don't hit the brakes like that!" She took deep breaths. "I didn't mean to put another thought in your head, I just tried to erase your other thoughts. I'm sorry."

"No it's okay. I grew up without my mother so of course I have thought about all of that myself." I pulled the car to a stop, and got out. The fresh air was really needed, from the surroundings I couldn't tell where I was. Emily got to my side, when she grabbed my hand we decided to go for a walk. "Don't you want to get out sometimes and just go and leave everything behind? I do. I can't, not really. I have to find the way to make my thoughts stop." Emily nodded, catching up on my words. "Do you think I could be a great mother without having had one in my life?"

"Sweetie, come here." Emily pulled me down on the bench, the moment of Spencer's birthday party got unintended recreated. "I love you and you are stronger than you think. I need you to know that." She touched my hair with her fingertips while biting her bottom lip. "I can picture our permanent future and you'll make a great mom someday Paige. I know you will, you have such a big heart and amazing sense of humor to get through it all. And I'll be there by your side every single day. I'll make mistakes too, but our strong love will be our secret weapon. And also you know how much it means to have a mom since you didn't have one. You'll be there in all those moment, don't worry about that. You will be fantastic, I'm sure off it."

My eyes widened. Emily's words sounded so pure, full of love. Was it really that simple? I don't think so. Children are a big responsibility, they will change your body, your thoughts, your lifestyle, everything. But then there would be Em too, being the mother of my/our children.

Emily

A little smile appeared on her face. "Is it hot in here?" She tugged on her sweater until she got it off. She leaned closer and whispered in my ear. "Do you want to go home and practice?" She wiggled her eyebrows while she said it. "Paige, that doesn't make any sense." I rolled my eyes, I decided to play along. I have to admit even if it doesn't really count for us, it's a good excuse as any other.

I breathe in some fresh air, clamping both hands on Paige's arm as we walk back to the car. "You okay?" I whispered. She nodded. I hate to see her upset. She walked to my side of the door and opened the car door for me. "You're the most amazing woman that I know." She place a kiss on my cheek and ran to the other side, she turned the engine on and we were back on the road. On our way to a place where we both are safe and some place beside all the baby-lovemaking we can breathe and just be.

I just want to let you all know that my story is almost done, my inspiration for this one is going with a lot of ups and downs now. Thank you so much for sticking by my story and our Paily!