A/N: And here I am again, my lovelies *waves* As usual, it took me a bit longer to finish the chapter than I had intended, but I hope you can forgive me my tardiness — I've just been feeling really down and a little drained lately -_-;
But anyway, the new chapter is here. As you can see, I returned to the normal length and I'll try to keep it that way from now on too. I hope it doesn't disappoint you too much, but I need that stability in this story. Also hope you won't get too bored with this chapter, as nothing much happens here. Sorry for that *bows deeply*
Thank you all for your wonderful reviews! They are a huge source of support and inspiration and they never fail to make my day *nods* Also thank you for your favs and alerts! *bows again*
As always, disclaimer, warnings and everything else remain. All mistakes that are bound to be there are mine.
Would be happy to hear your thoughts on this one as well.
Hope you will enjoy reading! :D
Chapter 34: Weeping Hearts
He had been caught completely off guard. Everything had happened so fast he hadn't even realized what had been going on at first.
There had been nothing but pain. Sudden, searing, piercing, paralyzing…and all-consuming. He was pretty sure it had been the most physically painful experience in his life — and one of the most terrifying ones, if he were completely honest with himself. Never before had he imagined that a bite could be so…deadly.
Cold shivers raked him at the very memory of it, of the teeth tearing into his throat and biting off chunks of it, of surprisingly strong small hands and petite body pinning him down, of his blood flowing down his skin and soaking though his shirt, of something…alien and cold and downright revolting invading his system, spreading its icy coldness bit by bit, violating his insides and robbing him of something fundamental, something irreplaceable. It had felt as though…
As though something inside of him had started to die, and the process could never be stopped, much less reversed.
It had been then that the realization had dawned on him, followed by complete numbness, fear and…sadness.
He hadn't wanted it. Not then and certainly not like that. He hadn't been ready to let go of that part of himself.
Black had started creeping into the corners of his vision after some time. His body had weakened to the point where he had been unable to struggle anymore, and he had begun to go completely numb.
For one very long, very terrifying moment, he had actually thought he would die. Just like that, right there and then.
In anguish and desperation, he had tried to resume his struggles, albeit unsuccessfully.
He knew he would have died for sure had his twin not intervened.
No words would ever be enough to properly express the amount of relief Ichiru's arrival had brought him. Seeing his little brother, being surrounded by the warmth of his embrace had immediately made him feel safe, made him believe that it would be alright, made him remember that he would never be alone.
Weakly, he had tried to smile up at Ichiru's distraught face in a feeble attempt to calm him down somewhat, but he couldn't be sure about the result.
All too soon, however, Ichiru's warmth had left him and that coldness had returned. He didn't really remember how it had happened, whether he had moved on his own or with someone's help, but somehow he had ended up slumped against a wall. He remembered the urge to look around and find Ichiru then, but he hadn't been able to do so — his head had been too heavy, just like the rest of his body. He could feel nothing but coldness and pain, his vision had started to fade by then, and even breathing had hurt.
Unable to do anything else, he had tried his best to speak. It had taken him several attempts, but eventually he had managed to get it right — or so he thought since he couldn't be sure about that either. Not that it even mattered. Ichiru's warmth had returned, and that alone had been more than enough.
Numb, in pain and so very, very tired, he had started slipping into unconsciousness when all of a sudden, another pair of arms had separated him from Ichiru and soon he had been enclosed in another warm embrace and looking up at another familiar face.
'Kaname…'
He remembered the feeling of deep sadness that had welled up inside him the moment he had met those burgundy eyes. He remembered wanting to reach out and soothe the pureblood, to take the anguished expression away from his face.
He never meant to cause Kaname so much grief. He never wanted to bring such an expression to his face.
But he had gone and done just that, albeit unwittingly. And for that he had been sorry then and was still sorry now.
He remembered he had wanted to convey those feelings to Kaname. He remembered he had wanted to tell the pureblood that he shouldn't be so sad, that he shouldn't worry, that it would be alright. It hadn't mattered whether or not Zero himself had believed it at the time. He had only wanted to make it better for Kaname, to just…chase that terrible sorrow away.
It had been unbearable to watch. And it had been even more unbearable to be powerless to do anything about it. Especially so when Kaname had started apologizing to him over and over again as he had fed him his pure blood.
The pain had gradually receded, replaced by a somewhat soothing numbness. He remembered wanting to try again then — to do something, anything at all, to make it better, to tell Kaname he didn't have to be so sad, that he had nothing to apologize so desperately for.
Kaname's wrist had still been placed firmly over his mouth, feeding him pure blood and preventing any words from escaping.
He remembered he had started feeling faint, growing pleasantly warm and slowly getting lulled to sleep. He had given up on talking then, but he had made one last attempt at communicating.
He had reached up shakily and put his hand over Kaname's. He was sure he had tried to give it what he had meant as a reassuring squeeze, but he had no way of knowing whether he had actually managed to do it or not — there had been no strength left in his body anymore and it had been during those exact moments that unconsciousness had finally taken over.
Darkness had consumed him then.
And when he did manage to break free from its firm hold...
Everything suddenly seemed to be strangely different. Including himself.
Amethyst eyes blinked a few times, still drowsy from what seemed to their owner like a very long, deep slumber.
The first and only thing in Zero's field of vision was his twin's sleeping face — a familiar sight that had naturally become such an integral part of his daily routine it just wouldn't feel right without it.
Zero gave a quiet sigh, a small smile curled his lips as he watched Ichiru's relaxed features. Eventually he tried to get up, but his body just wouldn't move, too heavy for some reason. Same as his eyelids that sneakily kept trying to slide shut more and more often as lengthy seconds ticked by. Staying awake seemed like an enormous feat that Zero simply wasn't ready to perform at the moment. So he surrendered.
Closing his eyes, Zero breathed another sigh and let his form melt into the mattress anew. He could almost feel sleep's veil descend on him, and he had no qualms about letting it reclaim him. He was sure it had. For a few moments, it definitely had — he remembered darkness enveloping him once more.
Then all of a sudden, it retreated, forced away by a loud sound startlingly close to his ears.
Amethyst eyes snapped wide open, now completely awake.
Zero instinctively turned his head to the side, only to confirm lack of...well, anything, really, there. He had no idea what the source of that sound could be — unless, of course, it had been only his sleepy imagination and-
There, again.
Zero blinked, his eyes widened briefly.
Another one, louder this time.
Silver brows furrowed.
Again. Again. Steady and rhythmic.
Thud, thud. Thud, thud. Thud, thud.
Zero's focus returned to Ichiru. He felt his heart begin to race. He didn't know why, there seemed to be no apparent reason for it, but it did.
Another sound of the same nature joined, overlapping with the previous one. It was faster, more frantic.
Realization came crashing down on Zero. He froze, staring at Ichiru's sleeping face wide-eyed.
Everything stilled then, but that sound remained. It seemed to be the only thing his senses could perceive.
He knew what it was. He was sure he knew why he even could hear it like that, but he wasn't ready to admit it yet. It terrified him. He needed to make sure.
So he did.
His body still felt heavy, but it didn't refuse to move anymore. Stiffly, Zero reached out one hand under their shared comforter, placing his palm flat on Ichiru's chest. It didn't take long for him to feel it, the rhythmic beat of Ichiru's heart. It was the same as the sound. Strong and steady.
Zero breathed out, his heartbeat slowed down, eventually imitating that of his twin. It now felt as though he was surrounded by that sound, and he couldn't help but find it somewhat soothing, despite being disturbed by the fact that he wasn't supposed to be able to hear it.
A shuddering breath left him. The corners of his mouth lifted in a weak, mirthless smile, a sad frown creased his forehead.
He closed his eyes and curled into himself, shifting closer to his counterpart.
He remembered now.
With another shuddering breath, Zero put his arm around Ichiru and buried his face in the younger teen's chest.
It had happened. The bite, the pain, the fear, the blood, the coldness, the darkness…
Yuuki...
Her suddenly altered aura, her bite, her red eyes…
Ichiru…
His terror, his anger, his comforting presence, his regret...
Kaname... His voice, his sorrow, his pain, his warmth…his blood...
Zero's hand started shaking, he gripped Ichiru's shirt tightly. He realized it was getting difficult to breathe and his pulse was quickening again. It was unnerving. He almost felt like he was going to hyperventilate.
It was okay. He was okay. He would be.
It wasn't that big of a deal. It would be okay. It would be.
He knew it wasn't helping. His fingers curled further, he squeezed his eyes tighter, trying to shut everything out without success. His panic kept growing.
Before it could get really bad though, Zero felt familiar warmth envelop him. Ichiru's arms were around him, holding him, grounding him, and he couldn't help but relax into the embrace. Exhaling slowly, he reciprocated the hug and leaned further into his twin.
Eventually his anxiety eased and his heartbeat calmed down. He felt sleep creep over him once more then, and he eagerly — almost desperately — welcomed it.
-o-
It had been three days since Rido's attack on the Cross Academy.
Abandoned by its leader and creator somewhere along the way, the Level Es army had been destroyed, having lost all coordination and fallen into complete chaos.
Left to fight against the horde of blood-crazed Level Es that had turned on them after Rido's stealthy departure, the hunters had eventually been forced into surrender. Apparently, having to fight the fallen vampires on top of three best hunters of the Association had been more than they could take, and losing their President to Cross's unrelenting sword did nothing to lift their fighting spirit and overall motivation.
Faced with a similar predicament as the hunters, the Vampire Council — whatever had been left of it at the time — had fallen as well. Its remaining members had lost their courage minutes after Ichiou's highly unexpected death at the hands of his very own grandson, and that had been the last move necessary to irreversibly turn the tables. The Council's defeat had become inevitable then.
To anyone it looked like Kaname's side had won that battle. The said pureblood himself, however, didn't feel victorious at all.
Rido had escaped. Again.
It wasn't over. It would never be, not until Kaname found something or someone — an ally, a subordinate, a pawn, anyone — strong enough to destroy the man for good.
The academy had suffered serious damage that would take weeks - best case scenario - to get fixed.
It would stand tall again, but it wouldn't be the same anymore. It couldn't be.
But all that paled before the last outcome — the only one that truly mattered in Kaname's eyes, the only one that the pureblood had no control over, the only one that made him feel completely hopeless and utterly helpless.
Zero was gone.
Kaname had failed. Again. He hadn't seen it coming, he hadn't been strong enough, he hadn't been fast enough to get his beloved back. And now he was gone.
Taken.
They had taken him away.
And Kaname had no idea where he was. Nor whether he was alright or not.
Kaname wanted to believe he was. Zero was strong, after all, in every possible way. He was alright. He had to be. He must be.
Ichiru would have surely returned for revenge otherwise, but he hadn't. He was still away with Zero, and that was a surprisingly comforting thought. A reassuring one even.
Under different circumstances, Kaname would have laughed at the irony.
As it was now, however... There was nothing but cold numbness and gaping emptiness within him. Never before had any loss felt that acute, that unbearable and painful.
He should have known better. He should have seen it coming. He should have tried harder. He should have been smarter. He should have-
He should have been stronger — strong enough to protect the one he loved, strong enough to keep him by his side. He should be strong enough.
…But he wasn't. So he had failed.
And he would keep failing.
He had lost.
And he would keep losing.
If he didn't become stronger, if he didn't become strong enough to defeat all his enemies, he would only keep failing and losing. And that terrible feeling would keep returning. Over and over.
He couldn't take it. He wouldn't take it — he wouldn't be able to. Not again.
There was no other way. If he wanted to protect what was precious to him, if he didn't want to fail and lose and feel the way he was feeling now ever again…he had to get better. And he would.
…Right after the emptiness had relented enough for him to be able to begin getting back on his feet, he would.
-o-
Cross had been staring at a note in his hands for the last several minutes, carefully running his eyes over the words there over and over and over again.
It wasn't that long, the note. It hardly required more than a few seconds to read. Cross had, and he had had no trouble taking its contents in. Still, he couldn't tear his eyes away from it. Again and again, he read it over, absorbing every word, every letter, every punctuation mark. It was a wonder how the note was still intact and didn't have a hole in it — the man had been staring at it that hard, to the point of burning every bit of it into his brain. He didn't even need it anymore. His mind's eye could show it to him in perfect detail anytime he wanted.
The corners of the man's mouth were pulled slightly upwards, forming a small, sad smile. Honey-colored eyes were glistening with sorrow behind glasses as he reread Ichiru's last words to him yet again.
Contrary to what might be expected, the note the younger twin had left for him wasn't an angry one. Nor was it accusatory. It was a farewell message expressing feelings of gratitude and regret. Ones that Cross could tell were genuine, no matter how betrayed Ichiru had felt, how angry he had been with his legal guardian.
Cross would never forget the shock he had felt upon finding his adopted sons' room empty with no traces of their presences around. He remembered immediately thinking the worst — the terror, the panic. A part of him, though, had known even back then, and it had understood — it still did even now. On some subconscious level, he had known it would happen. He knew his adopted children — maybe not as well as he had thought and wanted to believe, but he knew them enough to predict their reactions to certain things.
Ichiru wasn't an exception. Cross had always known how fragile his younger son's trust was. He could imagine what repercussions an action even remotely considered as betrayal by Ichiru would have. But he just... He had wanted to hope that the place he had managed to get himself in Ichiru's heart would be enough — to be forgiven, to get another chance, to regain his trust sometime.
He had been wrong. It wasn't enough. It was too soon to be — he hadn't reached that particular place in Ichiru's heart yet. And now there was no telling if he ever would.
His sad smile widened as he ran his eyes over the note a few more times.
"Stop torturing yourself and put the damn thing down already," came Yagari's familiar gruff voice. Cross gave a little involuntary start at it. He hadn't heard the other approach, too engrossed in his own thoughts. "We're all set to go," Yagari informed him.
Cross breathed a tired sigh before giving a nod, finally lowering the short letter and averting his gaze from it.
"…Did you find anything?" he asked as he looked sideways, his eyes landing on Yagari's back, his words stopping the man's retreat.
"…What do you mean?" the raven-haired hunter asked without turning to look at him.
"Their whereabouts." Cross knew Yagari was looking for them. There was no way he wasn't.
His words were followed by a tense silence that seemed to stretch forever.
A heavy sigh sounded. Then came Yagari's reply, "…No."
Cross breathed a sigh of his own, his eyes lowered. "I see…"
Another while of silence passed.
Yagari was the one who broke it. "Kaito is waiting. Let's go." And he walked away.
Cross lingered for a little longer. Then, breathing yet another sigh, he folded the note, placed it carefully on top of his now absent adopted sons' dresser and left the room.
-o-
He had left her.
In her new room in the Moon Dormitory, Yuuki was sitting on her bed hugging her knees to her chest, staring unseeingly ahead with glazed eyes.
He had abandoned her.
Her wounds had long healed — at least external ones had. The same couldn't be said about internal ones.
He had chosen Zero over her. Again.
'He did,' a familiar voice that Yuuki recognized as Rido's — her uncle's — confirmed. She was sure there was also a nod accompanying it. She could hear it in the man's words, in his tone.
He had betrayed her — her, his own sister, his family, his destined one, his betrothed, the only one who truly loved him, the one who loved him the most in this world... Yet he hadn't done anything to help her, to save her, to protect her from the terror she had been forced to endure at Ichiru's hands.
She knew now he had been in the middle of a battle at that time, fighting to protect the academy from their uncle. She understood he couldn't have possibly left just like that.
'Not for you,' the voice taunted.
Yuuki's fingers curled, fisting the sleeves of her shirt as she hugged herself tighter. Her lips pressed together, her brows furrowed. Her natural reaction was denial, but it only served to amuse the voice — Rido — further. It always did.
'But he didn't hesitate to leave for him.'
Zero...
She had bitten him. She had turned him.
...She had almost killed him.
And that fact terrified her.
She hadn't meant to.
'You did,' came the protest.
She hadn't wanted it.
'You did,' sounded in her mind again.
She hadn't wished for such an outcome — she never would.
'You did and you sure would,' the voice said, laughing, taunting, mocking. 'At least be honest with yourself, little girl. Stop being such a hypocrite. It's pathetic,' it — Rido — scoffed.
He was wrong.
'I am not.'
He didn't know her, she continued to deny.
'Of course I do.'
Yuuki squeezed her eyes shut and covered her ears, bowing her head and burying her face against her bent knees. She didn't want to hear it, she didn't want to face it.
Why was he doing it? Why was he torturing her like that?
Why hadn't he saved her? Why hadn't he helped? Why? How could he…?
When she had been all alone, bleeding and helpless and so, so scared...
He had left. For Zero. He had abandoned her for him. Again. Even now, he was doing the same, neglecting her. He hadn't talked to her, he hadn't visited her even once since that night.
A derisive snort. 'Can you blame him? After what you did...'
It hadn't been her, she hadn't been herself then, she denied, curling into herself further, squeezing her eyes tighter and pressing her hands against her ears harder. It hadn't been her. It had been-
'Me?' Rido scoffed. 'Really? Is that what you still want to believe?'
It was the truth-
'You know it's not.'
Yuuki's eyes blinked open as she lifted her head and removed her hands from her ears.
But...he...
'I merely gave you a choice and provided you with an opportunity. You are the one who did the rest.'
No, she-
'You are. You did.'
'But you-' Yuuki tried to deny again, unsuccessfully.
'Don't go pinning everything on me, dear niece. You can't use me as an excuse forever. You can't fool yourself forever.'
Yuuki's frown returned. Slowly, she hugged her knees anew. 'What…?'
Rido gave a deep chuckle. 'Come now, no need to pretend. It's just you and me,' he said silkily, waiting a few moments before continuing, 'Ah, no, that's not quite right. It's just you. There is no need to lie to yourself, is there?'
Yuuki's fingers involuntarily clenched around her upper arms, her frown deepened.
Just her…?
'Yes, just you.'
'But you are here too…'
'…Am I?'
She was completely lost now.
'Or am I just a convenient figment of your imagination?' Rido pressed on. Or was it him? Was it really her uncle?
No, it had to be. There was no one else.
'Isn't there? Really?'
Yuuki inhaled and exhaled shakily, her fingers dug into her upper arms through her sleeves. It seemed different all of a sudden. The voice. She thought it had changed a bit. To something less low, less deep and smooth, less…masculine.
'Are you absolutely sure?'
There, it had changed further, slowly becoming higher — more feminine, more…like her own…
A chuckle- no, a giggle came next. Brown eyes widened, Yuuki froze.
'Are you sure…that it's him that you're talking to…and not me…?' said her — Yuuki's — voice in an unfamiliar tone she didn't know it could take.
It terrified her.
Yuuki didn't answer it. She bowed her head, pressed her forehead against her knees, squeezed her eyes shut and hugged herself tighter as she desperately tried to will it away.
It wasn't real, it wasn't her, she kept denying in her head over and over.
It wasn't her.
It couldn't be.
-o-
Unable to stay locked in his room any longer yet reluctant to be near anyone, Kaname went outside to take a walk.
He wandered around the academy grounds undisturbed — mainly owing to his heavily suffocating aura that warned everyone away. There wasn't any particular destination that he had in mind. There really wasn't. His body, however, thought differently, and it had no trouble deciding on one for him.
He was bitterly unsurprised to find himself in front of Cross's house — familiar and unchanged yet so different in his eyes now. The sight of it brought a grim sense of deja vu, reminding him of the last time he had stood in the same place, ready to enter but never getting to make it past the front door. He would give anything to return into that moment in time, but he knew it was an impossible wish. The outcome couldn't be changed, and he had to pay for his mistakes.
With a sigh, Kaname slowly walked forward and entered the house, finding it deafeningly quiet and empty.
'Ah...right...' he thought absently, only then remembering Takuma saying something about Cross, Yagari and Kaito having to go to the Hunter Association a few hours ago. He supposed the three had decided to get it done and over with sooner rather than later.
Mentally apologizing for trespassing, Kaname closed the door and followed a familiar path to Zero and Ichiru's now former room.
It still had traces of their presence. Kaname could feel them there — it hadn't been that long, after all.
And Cross. Kaname could tell the man had been in that room before his departure for the Association.
Burgundy eyes shifted towards a dresser, attracted by Zero's Bloody Rose lying on top of it. Kaname approached the piece of furniture, his hand automatically extended towards the gun, his fingers running over its cold surface, tracing its familiar lines for no more than a second before retreating, warned away by a small electric shock. His gaze shifted slightly to the side then, falling on a folded sheet of paper next to the gun.
'A note,' Kaname realized as he picked it up and unfolded it. 'A farewell note. From Ichiru-kun,' he concluded next after reading it. He let his eyes linger on it for another couple of seconds before folding it anew and placing it back. A soft sigh escaped him as he turned away to take a look around the room. His gaze stopped on the bed, and he approached it and sat down on its edge, his palm landing flat on one of the pillows before slowly trailing down, eventually coming to a stop near the center of the mattress.
Letting out another sigh, Kaname slowly lowered himself onto the bed and buried his face in the pillow. He took a deep breath, and his body automatically relaxed, its tenseness soothed by the traces of Zero's familiar scent. His fingers clutched the edge of the pillow tightly as he curled slightly into himself and inhaled deeply once more, exhaling slowly, almost reluctantly, ridiculously unwilling to part with that scent.
Kaname ended up spending the entire night like that, only then finally managing to get a few measly hours of sleep for the first time in days.
-o-
It was only when he woke up a second time that Zero realized he hadn't the slightest idea where he was.
An unfamiliar ceiling, unfamiliar walls, drapes, bed — everything but Ichiru was. Zero confirmed it when he sat up and looked around the undeniably unfamiliar room for the first time since opening his eyes anew. He had to wonder how on earth he had missed it before.
A little frown creased Zero's brow.
He knew for sure they weren't inside any of the rooms in Cross's house. Nor did their surroundings look like anything close to the Moon Dorms, and lack of familiar vampire presences confirmed it.
Zero's frown deepened at the realization that he really had no clue where on earth he was, and the fact that his senses seemed to be no help in figuring that out didn't alleviate his unease. He would have started to freak out already, if it weren't for his still sleeping twin's presence by his side.
Careful not to disturb Ichiru, Zero climbed out of the bed and approached one of the curtained windows. He nudged the drapes open and looked outside, cautiously at first, then pushed the cloth all the way to the side to get a full view of the scenery. His eyes widened.
It was beautiful, the sight he was met with. Undeniably and uniquely so — breathtaking even. It was something Zero had never thought could even exist in this world.
A whole forest of cherry blossom trees blooming abundantly in snow, made even more beautiful than it already was by pale moonlight.
Zero honestly thought he was hallucinating at first, but the sight didn't disappear even after minutes had passed. He exhaled a shuddering breath, his shoulders dropped as tension seeped out of his body. For a long time, he remained standing by the window, mesmerized by the view outside. He didn't even hear his twin get up and come up behind him.
"How are you feeling?" Ichiru asked quietly, and Zero gave a small start, blinking several times as he came out of his daze.
Turning his head to look at his counterpart, the older teen asked, "Where are we?"
Ichiru breathed a quiet sigh. "You didn't answer my question," he remarked.
"You didn't answer mine," Zero shot back.
But Ichiru was stubborn. "How are you feeling?" he repeated the question slowly.
Zero was stubborn too, but he rarely could win this battle against his brother. This time marked another one of his defeats.
"...Fine, I guess," Zero answered a little reluctantly after a short while of silence. "Considering..." he trailed off with a shrug, looking away and unconsciously hugging himself with one arm. An uneasy silence followed. It lasted for a few long moments before Zero shook his head and returned his gaze to Ichiru. "Where are we?" he asked again.
Ichiru gave his twin a long, steady look. He didn't say anything for a while. Then, letting out another sigh, he moved past Zero towards the wall and leaned against it, folding his arms over his chest as he gazed out the window.
"…I don't know the exact location myself," Ichiru finally answered.
Zero frowned. "What do you mean you don't know?"
Ichiru shrugged. "I can only say that we're a long way from the academy."
That Zero could tell. The scenery outside suggested as much. "Why?"
"Because it's safer that way."
"What do you mean?"
Ichiru shrugged again, still not meeting his twin's worriedly inquiring gaze as he answered, "Exactly what I said."
"Ichiru."
No response.
"Ichiru, look at me," Zero requested in a quiet but unusually firm tone, "please," he added a short while later when his counterpart showed no reaction to his words.
A heavy sigh indicated Ichiru's defeat. He turned to Zero.
A long silence ensued as the twins stared at each other wordlessly.
Zero was the one who eventually broke it. "Ichiru, what-…" he started, but faltered. He had to take a moment to find the courage — something that he shouldn't need for such a simple task — to ask his next question that he wasn't sure he wanted answered. "…What did you do?"
Another while of silence passed before Ichiru decided to speak.
"I made a deal…with that woman."
Zero's eyes widened. For some reason, only one name crossed his mind at those words, and only one image flashed through his head.
"She takes us under her protection and makes us stronger..." Ichiru had to pause briefly to inconspicuously draw in a nervous breath. He was loath to admit it, but he feared his twin's reaction, feared the possibility of rejection, because just this once, he didn't feel certain of the outcome at all. "And I will help her execute her revenge."
Amethyst eyes grew wider again. "W-what...?" Then a frown came over Zero's features as his surprise gave way to more confusion. 'Protection'? 'Stronger'? 'Revenge'...? What on earth was that all about? "Ichiru, what are you talking about? What-" he halted with a shake of his head, resuming after a brief pause, "Why would you do such a thing?"
"Why?" Ichiru repeated with a frown of his own. "Because it's better that way. For us." That much should be obvious.
"What about Cross? What about Yagari-shishou? The academy? The Association?" What about their life? The people in it...?
Ichiru shrugged. "They will be perfectly fine without us."
"That's not what I meant."
Ichiru sighed. "I know," he replied, lowering his gaze.
A long silence fell between them.
Another sigh left Ichiru. "...I'm not going back, nii-san," he said, looking up at his older brother, an uneasy frown marring his face. "I can't trust them. I can't trust Cross anymore."
"But you can trust her?" Zero asked incredulously.
"No," Ichiru replied without missing a beat, "but right now staying with her holds more benefits."
"You can't be serious," Zero's tone was almost pleading, same as the look in his eyes. His shoulders involuntarily slumped in defeat. "Ichiru-"
"I am serious, nii-san," Ichiru interjected before Zero could try to reason with him, which he knew was exactly what his twin was about to do. "And nothing you say will change my decision. It is better this way."
Zero shook his head. "You're not thinking straight."
"I am," Ichiru insisted stubbornly.
"Please, Ichiru, let's just-"
"And there is no turning back," Ichiru continued, interrupting his twin again. He pushed away from the wall and slowly walked past Zero towards the double doors. "You don't have to stay," he said as he came to a stop and put his hand on the brass handle before looking over his shoulder to meet Zero's wide-eyed gaze. "I want you to, but I won't force you." He wasn't lying. It was killing him to say it and he felt sick just thinking of Zero very possibly choosing to leave, but he meant every word. "…It's entirely up to you, nii-san."
His only response was stunned silence.
Ichiru held his twin's gaze for another few moments, then turned away, pushed the brass handle down, pulled the door open and left.
Zero watched the door close after Ichiru with a click, soft yet impossibly loud in the now deafening silence. With a shuddering breath escaping him, he slumped to the floor and leaned back against the wall behind him, hugging his drawn up knees loosely, weakly almost. He blinked dazedly, his eyes unseeing.
It was too much. Everything that had happened — that was happening — was too much to take in. He couldn't think. He didn't even want to.
Zero's eyes slid shut and his head dropped forward heavily, one of his hands went up to run through his hair. His fingers curled, gripping silver locks almost painfully tight. He exhaled a long, shaky sigh.
He wished it were all just a dream. A bad, messed up dream. He needed it to be.
…It was too bad that such wishes almost never came true.