Pureblood

by breakingfiction

I had always been confident of my place in the world. But as my friends were one by one corrupted by the whispers of a rising terror, I found my world turned upside down. Soon, I would be forced to make the decision between sticking by the ones I loved, or fighting for what I believed was right. Sirius/OC

35. Saying Goodbye

"Shit, shit, shit!"

I muttered lowly to myself as I searched around my dormitory furiously, up-ending trunks and rummaging through bed sheets until clothes and other various personal belongings littered the entire room, making it look like some kind of warzone.

I sniffed unpleasantly as I took a moment to survey the damage I had done to the room.

Still, I didn't give up my search.

"Where the hell are you?!" I screeched in frustration, to no-one in particular. I dropped on all fours to the cold stone floor and scanned underneath the bed frames for at least the tenth time – my eyes penetrating the stale air surrounding the piles of unopened letters, mis-matched shoes and dozens of old, Honeydukes candy wrappers.

I blamed Violet for that last one.

And then, mercifully, a glint of something familiar caught my eye. Something scarlet and gold peeking out from underneath my overturned trunk and my heart leapt in joy.

I had never been so happy to see those two rotten colours in my life.

I grabbed at the object with a sigh of relief and wrapped it around my neck wearily.

Sirius' Gryffindor house scarf.

I wrinkled my nose in judgement as I stepped in front of the tall mirror. Today was the big match between Gryffindor and Hufflepuff, and I had previously made the mistake of jokingly telling Sirius that I should wear something to show my support for his team.

He, however, obviously hadn't sensed the sarcasm in my voice and had immediately insisted on me wearing his house scarf.

Well, at least I would be warm, I supposed.

I tore my eyes away from my reflection and hurried down the stairs to the Common Room, running my fingers through my long hair to disentangle the knots that had formed during my rampage, and becoming increasingly aware of how late I was for the match.

It was hardly my fault though, I thought to myself as I zipped up the front of my jacket roughly. I could hardly help it if the scarf had been misplaced during the riot of four girls trying to get ready for the game earlier, and I couldn't well show up without the damn thing.

Well, that was the story I was sticking to anyway.

I had assured the girls that I didn't mind if they went on to the match without me, while I continued my search for the scarf. That would have been a good while ago now, I noted, with a sickening feeling in my stomach.

Merlin, I hoped that Sirius wouldn't notice.

I picked up the pace as I sprinted through the corridors, my shoes tapping loudly against the stone floor as I made my way through the dungeons. The sound of my footsteps echoed off the old walls and rang through my ears with a dull thud.

I skidded around the next corner only to stop dead in my tracks a mere second before hurling into a small boy who was hurrying in the opposite direction to me.

He stopped too when he noticed me towering above him, his eyes anxious as they darted between me and the corridor behind. He would have only been a First Year, by the looks of him. He wore a t-shirt which was at least three sizes too big for him and had a light sprinkling of freckles across his nose. For a minute or so we stood there, looking at each other dumbly – my eyebrows furrowed in mild confusion and his voice shaking unsteadily as he squeaked through laboured breaths.

"This… is for you,"

"Huh?" I muttered lamely, but no sooner had I taken the cream envelope from his outstretched hand, he had turned on his heel and bolted back down the corridor and out of sight.

I shook my head impatiently. First Years, what use were they, really? Except as a stand in for owls, I guessed, as I studied the envelope I held. My breath caught in my throat as I recognised it immediately – it was the very same kind of envelope that I had received a few days ago with the mysterious message in it.

You are being watched.

My stomach tightened uncomfortably – I was apprehensive about what this note might say, if it was even from the same sender. I still hadn't figured out who the previous note had been from, though a million possibilities ran tirelessly through my mind. Still, I had no choice but to steel my nerves as I drew in a nervous breath before pulling out the parchment and studying the words carefully.

Meet us at the Ministry Ball. We need to talk.

– F

I let my breath out in a slow exhale of warmth. The handwriting was different to the previous message, and so was the initial. Could that mean that there were multiple people out there who were watching me? And what could they possibly want to talk to me about at the Ball? Perhaps it was a trap, or some twisted game set by Lucius, or Travers or even Greyback – though I was fairly uncertain he even knew how to write – to lure me out where they could strike at me.

But how on earth could I find out what this all meant?

I folded the crisp parchment in half between my fingers – and then it struck me.

Someone had given that boy this envelope to deliver, and I was going to find out who it was.

In a flurry of tangled hair and oversized knitwear, I sprinted down the corridor in the direction that the boy had left. Ihad to catch up to him – this could be the only chance I had to find out who was sending me those creepy letters, and whether or not they meant me any harm.

I exited the dungeons swiftly and scanned the Entrance Hall, looking for any signs of life. The entire population of the castle would be down at the Pitch by now, where I knew that I should be too, but where was I instead? Chasing down some little ginger-haired kid who had apparently vanished into thin air.

I stopped for a moment. Was this really as crazy as that sounded in my head?

Where the hell had the kid gone? He only had short legs, I thought to myself, surely he couldn't have gotten that far.

I let out an impatient breath as I looked around the cavernous room once more – and then I spotted him.

Sitting on the lowest step of the Grand Staircase, his ginger locks of hair dishevelled as he caught his breath while tapping his foot against the stone. He looked up, alarmed, as I approached, and pushed himself to his feet hastily.

"You!" I pointed an accusing finger at him and yelled, a little more aggressively then I had meant to.

"Who gave you this?"

I shook the letter in front of his nose and he stuttered nervously, taking a small pace backwards.

"A man – I saw him when I was leaving Professor Dumbledore's office, he was just about to go in. He asked me to give it to you,"

"Did he say anything else?" I demanded, crumpling the letter in my fist in frustration.

"Only that if I opened it before you got it that he'd put Horklumps in my bed while I'm sleeping,"

"What the…"

I stopped suddenly when I noticed tears beginning to pool in the corners of the boys brown eyes, and my chest tightened instinctively.

"Are you okay? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you, and I'm sure that man didn't mean the thing about the Horklumps,"

"It's-it's not you. It's my Mum" he explained, his voice quivering with emotion, "Professor Dumbledore told me that she… she was on a train when Dark Wizards attacked it, they almost sent it right off the rails,"

Immediately my hand covered my mouth as I gasped in horror. This poor boy had just gotten the worst possible news of his life, and here I was demanding information and probably scaring the living daylights out of the little guy.

I am a terrible human being.

"She's okay though," He added quickly, upon seeing my reaction, "She has a few bruises, but she's safe. I'm going to see her tomorrow."

I let out a sigh of relief, my heart aching for the boy and his family. His story, his reaction and everything really – it struck a chord with me that didn't sit well.

I couldn't just ignore it.

"What's your name?" I asked him softly as I sank down to his height. He twisted his hands in the hem of his crimson jumper nervously.

"Logan Dwerryhouse,"

"Do you like Quidditch, Logan?"

The boy nodded his head timidly, and I thought for a moment, trying to come up with an idea that might cheer him up.

"Head down to the stands and ask for my friend, Remus Lupin, do you know of him? He'll have found the best seats in the place, I guarantee it,"

Logans face lit up, his freckled cheeks flushing with a bright glow, and he went to head off before stopping and saying thoughtfully.

"The man you're looking for… he was with someone else. I think it was his brother,"

I watched as he disappeared out the door and onto the grounds, and I stared at the spot where he had vanished, long after he was gone. The last sentence he had spoken to me… I had heard it, but at that moment I couldn't quite comprehend the meaning of it.

My mind was drawn instead to the lives outside the walls of Hogwarts – the ones who didn't have the protection of the castle to shield them from the horrors that ran rampant in the night. I knew that things were bad outside of the school, but nothing had affected me quite so much as this.

I thought of Logan, only eleven years old, and how close his Mother had come to death. How close the most important person in his life was very nearly snatched away from him. And for what? For the pleasure and amusement of some sick, and twisted Dark Lord who tormented those who defied him and killed who he deemed not worthy enough to possess magical talent.

He who took respectable young men and women and turned them into devastating weapons, trained solely for the purpose of carrying out his every wish.

It was nothing short of barbaric, and it made me feel sick to my stomach.

In that single moment I hated Voldemort more than I had ever hated anything in my life – everything he had done, and everything that he stood for was complete and utter bullshit. I wanted to do something to stop it. But what could I possibly do against an evil like that?

I shook the thoughts from my mind – thinking of them now only served to make me feel even more helpless. I had long forgotten the letter that I now held tightly in my clenched fist. The paper was crumpled, though for some reason, it didn't seem as important as it had before.

Still, I forced myself to step up the marble staircase and let my feet carry me in the direction of Dumbledore's office. I knew I was close to finding answers, so I might as well carry on, even if my mind was plagued with a million other thoughts.

Once I arrived, I found that the door to Dumbledore's office was shut tight, and I took the bronze knocker and rapped loudly against the heavy, oak door. There was no answer, and I sighed impatiently. If Dumbledore had had guests, surely they would all be in his office, but when I pressed my ear against the smooth wood I heard no voices, or sounds of any sort. I waited for a few minutes, arms crossed stubbornly across my chest, before deciding that the Headmaster must be elsewhere, and tramped back down the circular steps.

At the very bottom, however, I was met by a whoosh of navy-blue robes and I steadied myself against a pillar to keep from toppling over as I recognised the old man who had very nearly run me right over.

Professor Dumbledore peeped down at me curiously for a moment before he spoke.

"Miss Cortez, what are you doing here? I thought you'd be out in the sunshine enjoying the Quidditch match," He asked, his bushy eyebrows furrowed and his forehead lined in puzzlement.

I was still a little shocked from almost being tangled up in the Headmasters elaborate robes, but I managed to compose myself before answering briskly, "I was looking for your visitors,"

Dumbledore's deep eyes glinted for a moment behind his spectacles, and I thought that I might have been too forward, before he asked lowly, "Whoever do you mean?"

"The man who gave me this," I confessed impatiently, holding up the letter for Dumbledore to inspect. I wasn't about to dance around the obvious, especially not after being in the mood that talking to Logan had left me in.

"Logan Dwerryhouse brought this to me – he said you were meeting with the man who gave it to him,"

Dumbledore took the parchment from my hand and let his quick eyes survey the words before he stopped and took a short breath.

"Very perceptive, that lad – I do hope he was feeling alright when you spoke to him,"

"Yeah… he's being looked after," I answered shortly, to which Dumbledore quirked an eyebrow and handed the letter back to me.

"He told me about his Mother," I added with an exasperated sigh. I wasn't sure if Dumbledore was deliberately trying to change the subject or not, but suddenly, the emotions that I was holding back poured out of me in pure bitterness.

"How could someone do that? They were so close to destroying a family. It's… monstrous,"

Dumbledore studied me for a moment, and I noticed him twisting a silver ring on his finger, as if in thought. "Not everyone is as compassionate as you are, Miss Cortez,"

I blinked.

"Me? Compassionate?"

I had been called many things over the years, but never that.

Dumbledore nodded and smiled kindly at me, before straightening out his blue robes, which on closer inspection I saw had a glistening silver thread running through them. He clasped his hands in front of him, clearly amused by my reaction.

"You don't agree?"

I faltered.

"I… uh, guess I've never really thought about it,"

Dumbledore nodded his head, as if he had known this answer all along.

"Alexandra, I think that you should go to the Ball, and I think that you should meet with whoever wrote you that message," He said softly, and my eyes narrowed in suspicion, "Rest assured that they mean you no harm,"

I didn't know what it was that the old loon knew that I didn't, but when it came down to it, the fact of the matter was… I trusted him.

Curious how things change, isn't it?

So I allowed my resolve to waver, and watched it flitter away like an autumn leaf in a warm wind. I could see that Dumbledore would divulge no further information on the matter, and I knew that he had his reasons.

"Okay," I agreed, and he clapped his hands together once in satisfaction.

I wrinkled my nose at his odd behaviour, but knew better then to question it.

"I regret having missed the beginning of the Quidditch match," He mused, as he began to steer me away from him office, "But as you well know, I had urgent matters to attend to. I expect that if we hurry we can still make it in time for the grand finale, whatever that may be. Will you accompany me?"

Well, I couldn't exactly say no – I was heading in the same direction – so together, Professor Dumbledore and I made our way down to the pitch. Along the way he thought it ideal to ask me questions about my classes, and I was surprised to find that he knew so much about my academics. He knew that Defense was my favourite class, that I had struggled with Potions earlier in the year but had improved considerably, and that I was doing well in the Advanced Lessons.

My suspicious nature made me wonder just how much he actually knew about me.

Ugh, that was a scary thought.

"Thank you for the company," He said cheerfully as we reached the pitch, and then he pointed a long finger at the scarf I was wearing.

"I must say, the colours are lovely – but I do believe that green is more your hue,"

He left me with those words, before strolling off to the Teacher's stand, and I couldn't help but to smile to myself softly.

I knew what it was that he meant.

I shortly made my way through the crowds in the stands to find my friends. The first familiar face I saw was Xavier – he was dressed in a scarlet jumper and jeans, with a small boy propped up on his shoulders who I immediately recognised as Logan.

He and the others were seated in front of the railing, right up in all the action and I chuckled lowly, knowing that I was right when I said they'd have the best seats.

Logan looked much happier then when I had left him last – he was grinning broadly and enthusiastically pointing out the players to Remus, who was cheering them on from beside him, waving a Gryffindor flag in his hands. Peter, Max and Oliver greeted me as I struggled through the mass of students to meet them.

"Thanks for looking after Logan," I puffed at last, grateful to Xavier and Remus, who shrugged casually.

"He's a cool guy – he said you sent him to find us," Remus answered with a thumbs up.

"Yeah, he needed some cheering up,"

"Mission accomplished," Xavier chuckled as he attempted to steady a swaying Logan who was whooping loudly on his shoulders.

I soon spotted Isobel, Kendra and Violet perched on the benches next to the boys, who pulled me over to them hastily, and I bustled over before raising my eyebrows in amusement.

"Iz, what the hell are you wearing?" I enquired upon seeing her sunshine-yellow top with matching skirt. She was a little dot of yellow floating in a sea of red.

Isobel bit her lip, looking down at her attire and shrugging carelessly.

"Oh, I didn't want the Hufflepuffs to feel left out,"

I laughed openly and gestured to the other two.

"That's it, we're kicking her out of Slytherin,"

"Let's just pretend she was trying for gold," Violet joked with a wave of her hand, and Isobel pouted childishly.

"Where were you, anyway?" Kendra's tone turned serious, and I clicked my tongue dismissively.

"We were worried," Isobel added, before returning to watching the game avidly.

"I just got distracted that's all," I answered, before asking the question that everyone but myself knew the answer to.

"So, who's winning?"

Violet used a slim hand to shield her eyes from the glare of the sun attempting to peek out from behind gloomy grey clouds, and looked out across the pitch. "It's close. Gryffindor are only 10 points ahead,"

"Thanks to that boyfriend of yours – he's intercepted at least three goals with his Bludgers already," Kendra added with a knowing smirk, "Merlin, he looks good on a broom doesn't he?"

Boyfriend, huh?

Is that what they all thought?

I laughed the comment off and gave her a playful squeeze on the arm before leaning over the rail to watch the players.

I spotted Sirius easily – swinging his bat in front of him and brushing his dark hair back off of his face. James flew overhead and tossed a comment down to him, which he answered with a bark of laughter.

I felt my breath catch in my throat a little.

Kendra was right. He really did look good on a broom.

Gryffindor soon scored another goal, and then two more after that. I tried to encourage myself to get into the excitement of the game, but found myself failing miserably as I kept catching my mind wandering to other things. After enough trying, I sat back on the bench with a huff and let it focus on what it was trying to decipher.

Who had sent me those letters?

Who wanted to meet me at the Ministry Ball, and what did they need to talk about?

Why did the story of one little First Years family affect me so much?

I tried to sift through my memories, but I couldn't come to any conclusion on who the brothers that Logan had told me of could be, or why Dumbledore would want to shield their identities from me.

The game finally ended after what felt like a torturous forty minutes later, with Selene Silver catching the Golden Snitch for Gryffindor and landing them with a hefty win. I was ecstatic for the team, I knew how much the winning the Cup meant to them, especially Sirius and James who were in their final year, and they were so close to it.

After the crowd had dwindled, the group of us, including Logan, lingered at the bottom of the stands waiting for the team to emerge from the locker rooms. I spotted Sirius amongst the players, who beamed at me and took me in his arms.

His excitement was evident, and I giggled lightly as his drenched hair tickled my face and the smell of soap filled my senses.

"So, what did you think of the game?" He asked at last, and I bit my lip nervously, having watched barely any of it.

All of a sudden I felt incredibly guilty.

"Well, you… looked really good out there," I offered lamely, and Sirius raised an eyebrow in amusement and slid his arms around my waist, pulling me into him.

I could feel chills running up my spine, though I didn't know if it was from the droplets of water falling from his hair and onto my skin, or his fingers running up my back.

"Oh, really… did you see me stop Jacobs goal in the first quarter? Almost knocked him off his broom!"

I exhaled sharply.

"Yeah… that was a good one,"

"I know you weren't there, Alex."

"Oh."

He let me go, and furrowed his eyebrows, but I could still see the hint of a smile playing on his lips. I was sure he wasn't mad at me for it.

Was he?

"I'm sorry, I got held up," I held up my hands as I tried to explain guiltily and Sirius folded his arms across his chest and tilted his chin up as he listened to me stutter.

"First, I couldn't find your scarf, and then I ran into Logan and then there was a letter and then Dumbledore's office and… I'm sorry, okay?"

"Alex," Sirius started, his lip quirking upwards again as he pulled me into him and kissed my forehead softly, "It's fine, okay, I don't mind. Are you alright?"

I hesitated.

Nothing truly bad was going on, but I still had a lot that I wanted to talk to him about… and then some that I had to work out on my own. Now, however, was not the right time for that, so I smiled warmly and tried to shake the thoughts from my head.

"Yeah, I'm fine,"

"Good," He answered, before turning as James clapped him on the shoulder and announced.

"I'll see you up there, Padfoot,"

Sirius waved James away, and I watched as the rest of the group followed behind him and back up to the castle.

It was a strange little group of friends, I thought.

But they were mine.

"Hey, listen," Sirius interrupted my thoughts with his hand under my chin, turning my head to face him, "We're celebrating the match in the Gryffindor Common room, as usual. Do you want to come?"

I bit my lip, considering the prospect. But as much as I wanted to say yes to please him, I couldn't help but think that I was in the worst mood to celebrate at present.

"No, you go and be with your team – I need some quiet right now,"

Sirius studied me, his expression a little puzzled.

"Don't look at me like that," I groaned, and gave him a playful push, "I just need some peace and quiet for a bit. I'll meet up with you later,"

Sirius consented, although reluctantly, and kissed me quickly before heading back up to the castle to meet with the rest of the group. I considered going after him for a minute, thinking that perhaps a Quidditch party was exactly the thing I needed to take my mind off of everything.

But when it came down to it, I just couldn't bring myself to do it.

So instead, I spun and headed out onto the new empty pitch, glancing up at the ominously heavy clouds with a worried mind.

This pitch held so many different memories for me. I had never played Quidditch in my life– hell, I barely even like the game – but it had definitely played a huge part in the lives around me.

I strolled casually to the middle of the pitch and sat down on the soft cushion of grass, looking around the stands and taking in the huge scale of everything around me.

The Slytherin team was in ruins. Already they had seen two Captains leave this year and the entirety of their senior players. They needed to replace both Beaters and announce a new Captain, and if they couldn't find replacement players by their final match against Hufflepuff, then they would be forced to forfeit. Needless to say, things weren't looking good for them.

I knew that if Lucius, Evan and Rodolphus were still here, then things would be much different. The Gryffindor team was good, that much was true, but the Slytherins were outstanding. Their departure had had a major effect on the competition for the Quidditch Cup this year, now that they were no longer a threat.

Because they would have won the Cup, Evan and Rodolphus would have played for the Falmouth Falcons, Lucius would have interned at the Ministry for Magic and Bellatrix would have married Rod and raised a family who were all just as stubborn and wild as she was.

That was how things were supposed to happen.

But they didn't.

I let out a shaky sigh as I thought about how much things had changed for me. It was like I was living a brand new life and I knew, without a doubt, that I was on the right path. So why then, did I keep allowing myself to live in the past?

I knew the reasons, without a doubt.

I missed having a best friend so close that it felt like we were really sisters. It made me sick to my stomach to think of Bellatrix now, her mind being corrupted by so much hate and madness as she fell ever deeper into darkness. And I knew, as my own bitterness grew towards her, she was far beyond the point of being saved.

I missed knowing that Regulus, Rabastan and Narcissa were safe, and being able to actually do something to protect them, rather than drown in the helplessness of knowing that soon Cissy would be married to a monster and Regulus and Rabastan were being all but forced to follow the footsteps of their family and dive into war.

And I missed Evan.

Not the man who I had last seen in Hogsmeade, who had grown cruel and brutal – but the boy who would piggy-back me up the Common Room stairs, or carry my bag in between classes when it was too heavy for me, or let me win at Wizard Chess even when I knew he could have beaten me as easily as he beat everyone else.

The last thing I had told Evan was that I hated him.

But that wasn't true.

I hated what he had turned into, and what the war had forced him to be, but I would never truly hate him.

The loss crept through my chest like a vile poison, and though I knew that it was wrong to miss the people who had grown willingly into the key pieces of Voldemort's dark game, I just couldn't help myself.

Because part of me felt like I had helped push them that far, and the guilt was overwhelming.

The small of fresh grass filled the air as the cold winter wind twisted around me and I willed the tears to go away. I'm stronger than this, I thought to myself, but they fell anyway.

So I let them.

I let the warm tears fall thick and fast over my skin and land in a salty pool on my lips, as I remembered everything that was good about the people that I used to love, and allowed myself to miss them freely.

I curled my knees up to my chest and let the sobs overcome me. My emotions were such a mess, I really didn't know which way to think.

The sun was growing low over the trees when I finally stopped, and I sat motionless for a while, staring at the lushness of the grass that had just over the past few days burst from beneath the freshly melted snow.

After a while I decided it was time to head back up to the castle and slowly, made my way back to the Slytherin common room.

It wasn't much warmer in the dank corridors of the dungeons, and I had just stepped through the door to the common room when I stopped short. A familiar group were making their way out, and my chest seized instinctively at the sight of them.

Rabastan went first, his face hollow and dark, with nothing left of his previous good humour. Severus followed, with his lank, black hair falling in a dark curtain over his features. Neither of them acknowledged me as they passed, and I felt a small stab of pain filtering into my stomach.

Avery and Wilkes followed behind them, and then at last, Regulus.

For me it was always going to be hard to let go of Regulus.

He had so much good inside of him – so much brilliant potential that was wasting away as it became more and more supressed.

He deserved so much more then what life had given him.

I forced myself to ignore the lot of them, realising that no matter how much I might want it, we would never be the same again. A hand caught me just before I was about to move on and I turned just in time to catch Regulus' hushed voice in my ear.

"Meet me in the Astronomy Tower after dark," He whispered, before he disappeared through the stone archway and out of sight.

I faltered for a minute, wondering what he could possibly want to talk to me about.

Darkness was almost upon us.

I wouldn't have to wait for long to find out.

&&&

My fingers tapped sharply against the stone turrets of the Astronomy Tower as the cold, night air whipped through my long hair, making it dance around my shoulders in waves of dull black. I glanced once again at the stone steps that ran down from the Tower, growing impatient.

Waiting.

I didn't know how long I had been there, but it was a good while, that much I was sure of. I watched my breath escape in clouds of pearly white as I pulled my jumper tighter around myself and shivered. Thankfully, the sharp chill in the air had eased off somewhat as we approached springtime, but it was not fully gone.

I leaned my elbows on the stone wall as I surveyed the castle below me. Hogwarts was covered in a blanket of darkness, with only a few scattered pinpricks of light shining here and there through the gothic windows.

It was strange to think that in three short months I would no longer call Hogwarts my home. The thought unnerved me. Where would I go? What on earth was I supposed to do with my life? That, I still couldn't figure out.

I squinted back over my shoulder again at the stone steps, wondering where Regulus was and why he was keeping me waiting. It had been him, after all, who had asked me to meet him here tonight.

I wondered what he wanted to talk to me about. No doubt it was to lecture me again on my romantic interests. I knew that Regulus was only trying to look out for me, even after everything that had happened, but the thought of that unnerved me. He was almost two years younger than me, how had he become so mature? If anything, it should be me scolding him for his choice in girls.

Because Merlin knows that no-one would ever be good enough for him, by my standards.

A quick footstep caught my attention, and I turned to find Regulus, at last, crossing the tower towards me – his face a mask of sombreness.

He didn't say anything as he pulled me into his arms, and I let my head rest against his chest as he held me tightly against him. I breathed in the familiar scent of him, and found myself relaxing.

"You have no idea how relieved I am, Alex," he breathed into my hair, and I pulled back a little to study him curiously.

Regulus squeezed me on the shoulders affectionately before releasing his grip on me. He was smiling softly, though he looked tired – worn out, perhaps. The faint shadow of dark stubble covered his chin, and I realised just how grown up he looked in that instant.

"What do you mean?" I asked in response to his statement, and he took in a deep breath, hesitating a little before raising his grey eyes to mine.

"It's just… I'm happy that you finally realised Evan's true nature. What he really is,"

My forehead furrowed, "That is not Evans nature, Reg, that was… something else. He wasn't always like that,"

Regulus brushed a strand of stray, black hair from his eyes and looked at me sadly.

"You've never seen the things he's capable of, Alex. All you ever saw was what he wanted you to believe."

I pulled back and surveyed him through narrow eyes.

"Why are you saying this?"

Regulus sighed in defeat. "You're right – it serves no purpose talking of this now. Just believe me when I tell you I'm happy you've found someone who will truly put your best interests first,"

I stopped.

"Sirius," I said lowly, and Regulus nodded in confirmation.

I bit my lip in confusion, and squinted at Regulus through the thick blanket of darkness.

"I thought you wouldn't approve, I mean, given everything that's happened between the two of you,"

"We haven't been on the best terms, that's true," Regulus acknowledged with a dismissive wave of his hand, "But Iknow him, Alex. I know who he is, and what he would do just to keep you safe,"

"You shouldn't worry about me, Reg," I answered, though Regulus merely shrugged his shoulders.

"I always will,"

I couldn't help but smile at him affectionately, until the reality of the situation hit me, and I sighed heavily, "I hate that we always have to meet in secret – that we have to hide our friendship. It feels so wrong,"

"I know," Regulus agreed, "I wish there was another way, believe me,"

I hesitated. I didn't know exactly what it was that made me say what I did next, but whatever it was, I knew that it was the truth.

"That's the thing, isn't it? There is no other way. Our paths are tearing us apart, every day we get pulled further and further away,"

Regulus stared at me desperately, his face pained.

"Don't say that, Alex,"

"It's true, Reg,"

Regulus dropped his head, but didn't say a word, and in that moment I knew.

I knew that he felt what I was saying too, and the very thought of that was enough to rip an entirely new painful hole in my chest.

Because we could no longer be friends anymore.

"I met a boy today who's entire life was almost ripped away from him in an instant by Voldemort and his Death Eaters," I started shakily, though Regulus refused to meet my eyes, "How many more are there who weren't as lucky? How many more will there be?"

"Alex, don't," Regulus pleaded quietly, and as he raised his eyes to mine I could see the pain dwelling in their stormy depths.

"I'm afraid of the future," He confessed, turning towards me and pulling at his dark hair desperately, "I'm afraid that one day we'll be standing against each other on opposite sides and one of us will have to make a decision,"

I bit my tongue to stop the pain from searing through me because I knew what he was talking about.

And I feared it too.

"Please don't be a part of it, Reg," I begged, feeling the heat of warm tears begin to pool in the corner of my eyes, and then slide down my face and over my lips, "You know that I couldn't be a part of your life anymore – I just can't tolerate anyone who accepts this. Not anymore,"

Regulus took a quick step forwards and brushed the tears away from my skin before taking my face in his hands and looking down at me.

"You have your path, and this is mine," He said, his voice shaking with emotion, "You've changed, Alex, more than any of us, and I'm so proud of you. You care – that's what you do, and that's who you are,"

He kissed me on the cheek quickly before whispering, "Goodbye, Alex," and turned without a second glance back and descended the stairs.

In an instant, something inside me went cold, and I couldn't move, or breathe, or make any sound at all. All I could do was listen to the throbbing in my head and the sad voice ringing in my ears saying, "Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye,"

It was over.

I don't know how long it took me to realise that I wasn't alone on the Tower. I had seen him when Regulus left, of course, but for some reason I just couldn't comprehend that anything that was happening was real.

Because how could this be real life? How could anyone ever endure this much pain and continue to keep on living?

"Alex," James Potter stepped forward, his hand outstretched as he gauged what kind of reaction I would have to him being there.

I looked up, but it was more like I was staring straight through him.

James Potter was standing in front of me – he was real. He was wearing his Quidditch team jacket and a pair of black trousers with white sneakers. His hair was a ridiculous, tousled mess, as per usual. But still, I didn't really see him.

It must have only been a few seconds since Regulus left, but to me, it felt like a lifetime.

"How long were you there?" I asked him numbly, finally, my teeth gritted hard and my mouth aching.

I had never seen James Potter look so uncertain in his life, "Only a second or so before he left, but, uh… are you okay? Do you want to sit down or something?"

I shook my head, but was otherwise as still as a statue.

James looked like he wanted to say more, but didn't quite know how to.

Finally he exhaled deeply and said, "Look, I heard what he said – Black – at the end. I am sorry, you know,"

James words washed over me and almost immediately I found my mind snapping back to reality. All of the pain was still there, but the sadness began to transform, and without any kind of warning, a swelling wave of pure rage washed over me, drowning me in its depths.

I felt it course like liquid fire through my veins as my hands clenched themselves in tight fists at my side.

"Why are you here?!" I barked at him venomously, and he put his hands up in front of him in innocence.

"Just making sure you're okay,"

I let out a bitter laugh and began to advance on him.

"Don't lie to me, Potter, you couldn't care less about me. It was Sirius, wasn't it? He sent you to spy on my, didn't he?"

To say that James looked worried would be the understatement of the century.

"Well, not exactly,"

"Then what?" I hissed, growing more and more impatient with the fact that he was dodging my questions.

"Look, Alex, he knew you were with Regulus. I wasn't supposed to let you see me, but… then I heard the two of you talking and I… just wanted to make sure that you were okay,"

"Do I fucking look okay to you?" I snapped, before pushing past James and down the stone steps while proclaiming, "I swear I'm going to kill him,"

I was furious and I could feel my blood boiling to the point where I half expected steam to be erupting from my ears. My heart was pumping so furiously, and every single emotion was now focused on the fact that Sirius couldn't even give me a moment alone with his own damn brother without getting overprotective.

The fact that it was the last moment I would ever have just increased the anger tenfold.

I marched in the direction of the Gryffindor Common Room, knowing that it wasn't far, and stopping only when James hurled himself in front of me – a pained look crossing his face as he straightened his glasses on the bridge of his long nose.

"Get out of my way, Potter," I growled through gritted teeth and clenched my fists tighter.

James, however, ignored my request.

"Look, Alex, he's my best friend, and you're on your way to do something to him which I'm sure is entirely unpleasant," He spoke, quicker then I'd ever heard any normal person speak, before taking another breath, "It's my duty as a good friend to hex you… which I would do, if he wasn't in love with you. So, uh… now I'm just confused."

I pushed him aside roughly before continuing on to Gryffindor Tower. James complained loudly as he attempted to keep up with me, but didn't try to stop me again, at least.

I rounded a corner and spotter the entrance, marching towards it with a renewed energy as I attempted to block out the siren that was James Potters voice trailing behind.

"Why couldn't he have shacked up with a nice Gryffindor girl? I would have even accepted a Hufflepuff!" He was saying by the time we stood in front of the Fat Lady, who looked as if she had had a few too many glasses of wine and entirely too much fun that night.

I didn't have time for this nonsense.

"Open the door," I instructed her, to which she responded with a drunken slur and a wave of her glass.

"Excuse *hic* me? What's the *hic* password?"

I rolled my eyes dramatically and rounded on James.

"Potter, tell her the password,"

James lips quirked upwards and he folded his arms across his chest, looking awfully pleased with himself.

"No,"

I took in a deep breath, my ears burning bright red, before I exploded.

"Tell her the damn password!"

"I'm not letting you in there, Cortez!"

"Would you two *hic* stop making so much *hic* noise!"

"I'm warning you, Potter!"

"For *hic* Godric's sake!"

"What are you gonna do, huh?!"

"If you don't tell her the goddamn password you'll find out!"

By this time all three of us were yelling at each other so loudly that we didn't notice the portrait swing open from the inside and dozens of curious eyes land on the pair of us.

"What the hell is going on out here?" Sirius stepped out through the portrait hole and eyed the pair of us in utter confusion.

"You!" I snapped, before I was grabbed around the waist and hoisted over James shoulder like a sack of bloody potatoes. He started marching down the corridor saying, "Don't worry, Padfoot, I won't let her hurt you!"

"What are you talking about?" Sirius questioned as he trailed along behind us, a glass of Firewhiskey held in one hand.

I kicked at James to put me down, but he wouldn't budge, so I settled for screaming at Sirius from where I was instead, while being violently jerked around in the process.

"You sent your, umph, man-servant to spy on me?!" I screeched angrily, and Siriuis raised his eyebrows before saying dryly.

"Nice to see you too, love,"

His tone only served to infuriate me even more and I let out a frustrated scream.

"I can't believe you! I can't believe you'd just completely invade my privacy like that!"

James groaned painfully underneath me, and asked in a muffled voice.

"Can I put her down now?"

"Yeah mate," Sirius answered with an amused grin.

I scrambled to get down from his shoulder and gave him a good push for hoisting me up there in the first place. He skulked away to his common room, leaving Sirius and I alone.

"So that's how it is, huh? You're following me now?" I asked venomously while straightening my sweater, and Sirius pointed an accusing finger at me, his tone deadly serious.

"You shouldn't be alone with him – he could be dangerous,"

I scoffed loudly, throwing my arms up in disbelief.

"He's your brother!"

"He's a Death Eater!" Sirius barked, throwing his glass against the wall of the corridor in blind rage, where it smashed into a thousand tiny pieces, "Forgive me for worrying about my girlfriends' safety, after she's proved so many times in the past that she has an incredible knack for getting herself into trouble!"

I winced at his outburst, but stood my ground firmly.

"I'm not your girlfriend, Sirius! And I'm certainly not your property,"

Sirius looked taken aback, briefly, but he composed himself. I was still seething, and much too angry in that moment to care about what I was saying to him.

"Fine, if that's what you want – I'm sorry for giving a damn," He spat, his voice laced with bitterness, and I gritted my teeth in annoyance, feeling warm tears prickling at my eyes.

"For the love of Merlin… Stop trying to protect me from everything!"

"No!" Sirius growled at me, and I narrowed my eyes at him darkly and took a small pace backwards.

"I'll never stop trying to protect you, Alex," He said, his voice like gravel, "Whether you like it or not, I'm in love with you – I won't stop,"

I tried to stop them but the tears started to fall heavy down my face and I turned away from Sirius before I could start sobbing and started walking. I couldn't do this – I was in so much pain. And I knew, somehow, that I shouldn't be taking it out on him when all he had done was care about me.

I heard a quick step behind me and then his hands on my arms, drawing me back, and I finally broke.

"I'm losing him… and I can't stand it. I can't think about him doing any of those terrible things," My voice shook through my tears, "And Sev… he hates me for loving you, and I know why, but… I can't change it. And I… I told Evan that I hated him. That's the last thing he'll ever remember of me,"

I turned around and buried my head in Sirius' chest, letting him wrap his arms around me as I confessed everything through heartbroken tears.

"I know I shouldn't care, but it hurts so much – I feel like they were all supposed to be something else, and now that they're not… it's my fault, I know it's my fault,"

"Hey, hey, stop that – none of this is your fault," Sirius shushed me, pulling back so he could see my face, and wiped the tears away gently, "You have to stop blaming yourself,"

I swallowed thickly, thinking it would be impossible to ever do that.

"How did you even know where I was tonight, anyway?" I asked Sirius as he loosened his grip on me and I pulled back.

His lips pulled up at the corners slightly and he nodded towards the common room.

"Come on, I'll show you,"

A/N: Whyyyyy do I write Chapters with so much angst that they make me cry? There's something seriously wrong with that. Sorry for the kind of cliff hanger at the end there, the Chapter was WAY too long so I had to kind of cut it off... oops... but the good news is that the next Chapter is partly written! Haha... see what I did there?

Huge thank you to all of my older readers who are still sticking with me! And of course to all the new readers who have recently found this story, you guys are awesome! Also check out my writing blog for more info on characters and updates etc. the link is on my Author Page! Eek!