"I just think it's gonna be hard to sign the papers. It's like… I'm going into it with something and leaving with nothing. I think that's going to be the hardest part, actually signing her over." I scrape the bottom of my yogurt dish with my spoon and eat the last few drops of it. "And it doesn't help that me and Joe decided that her name's going to be Sofia. I have a name to call her now, which makes it so real. It's like… she has a name now. This is really gonna happen." I put my yogurt dish down on the coffee table and sigh. "It's so strange to have a name to call her."

"I can't even imagine giving Carlo up for adoption. I really can't imagine not having my baby boy. I mean, kudos to you babe. If you and Joe feel like giving Sofia up is the best, and you're actually gonna do it, then kudos to you. I admire you for making this decision, honestly. I know mom and dad are all pissed off and shit, but I know deep down that they're proud of you. I can sense it." Dallas reaches over and touches my belly. "How's Joe dealing with it?"

"He says that he's okay, but…" I shrug. "I really don't think he is. I think he's trying to be strong for me. I'm still surprised that he agreed. I know he did it because he loves me. I mean… for as long as me and Joe have been together, I've always known that he wants to be a dad. He's too good with his friends' kids and his little brother. I know that having a baby has always been his dream, especially because he's not supposed to have kids. So for him to give up this only child for me is just…crazy." I stroke my stomach in circles. "…Lately, my stomach's been feeling lighter…"

"You're gonna have your baby soon. I felt that a few days before Carlo was born. They say it's because the baby's coming down, getting ready to come out. They say that's why your belly feels like it's lighter." She starts rubbing my stomach pretty hard. "So what are you and Joe gonna do in the delivery room? Are you both gonna hold her and all that? Or are you just gonna let them take her right away?"

"Well personally, I don't want to hold her. I don't want to touch her, I don't want to hold her, I don't want to bond with her, I don't want anything to do with her. That'll be way too hard on me if I hold her. Joe agrees. He said he doesn't want to hold her or any of that either. I'm really gonna try to stick to this, Dal. I'm really gonna try. I keep thinking about how good a life she's gonna have. That's what's keeping me sane right now. Thinking about the kind of life I want her to have… that's keeping me sane."

"What happens if you change your mind, Demi?"

"I'm not going to. Me and Joe met with an adoption agent yesterday and she told us everything. She told us that Joe doesn't have to cut the cord if he doesn't want to. None of Dr. McLean's family is permitted in the birthing room. We aren't required to hold her or any of that. We signed these papers that say that Dr. McLean and her husband have to walk off hospital grounds with her. The final papers for us to sign will come the day after she's born. She didn't say anything about changing my mind, but I know that I have 30 days. After that 30 days, I'd have to go to court and fight to get her back legally." I tap my fingers against my stomach. "Dal… would you and Rob be willing to do me a favor?"

"…Depends on what it is."

"…If there's anything that happens… like… say me and Joe change our minds, but we still don't want to parent her. Would you and Rob take her?" My eyes burn with tears. "You guys do such a good job with Carlo… like… you're SUCH a good mom. And Rob's a good dad. So if all else fails, would you guys… take her? Because I'm just speaking from the unknown right now. I don't really know how I'm gonna feel when I actually have her, you know? I might not like having her so far away… the McLeans live all the way in Los Angeles. We live in Oceanside. What if I don't want her so far away from me after all?"

"…Demi, that's A LOT to ask…" She licks her lips then goes speechless. "…I can't tell you yes and I can't tell you no. I…. I have to talk to Rob….. that's a lot, Demi. That's a whole lot to ask."

I guess she's right. It wasn't fair of me to suddenly ask so much of her.

I'm beginning to think that if I can't believe without a shadow of doubt in my mind that I shouldn't keep my baby….

Then maybe I just don't need to give her up after all.

"Babe? Do you ever feel like maybe we could do it after all? You ever feel like… like you're so selfish for wanting to keep her?" I lay my head against Joe's bare chest and start to cry. I'm so tired of crying, but most of the time, I feel like crying is the only way to get my point across. My bare stomach touches Joe's bare abs. I'm nearly nine months pregnant, huge, and downright disgusting; but the sex that Joe and I just had was the most meaningful sex I've ever had in my entire life. It was slow, passionate and as intimate as possible. It was hard to find a comfortable position though, I must admit. "I've been going back and forth with myself. From abortion to adoption, back to abortion then right back to adoption and even to keeping her. I can't take it anymore, babe…"

He kisses me on my lips and strokes my hair. "It's hard baby…" He rubs my back and holds me close. "It's gonna be okay, though. She's gonna be happy. Either way, she's gonna be happy. No matter what happens, baby. If we give her up, she's gonna be happy. If we keep her, she's gonna be happy…" He tangles his hands in my hair and keeps kissing me. I feel a couple of his tears leak onto my chest while he kisses me. "I really don't want to give my baby away, Demi. You know that. You know that all I want is to be a dad… we can do it. Whatever we do, we can do it… we can do it."

I kiss him back and wipe away his tears. "I love you…"

"I love you too… and I love Sofia. Can we keep her, Demi? Please can we keep her? I thought I could do it, but I can't. Please don't make me give my baby up. I want her so bad. I want her so bad I can just… I can feel her in my arms. I dream about her all the time. She's gonna be so pretty. Please don't make me give her up, babe. Please…"

I sniff. "…I can't do anything about it right now, babe. Either way it goes, they have to walk out of the hospital with her. Even if we do decide to keep her, they HAVE to walk off hospital grounds with her. If we take her straight home from the hospital, we WILL be sued, Joe. They can and will sue us. And Joe… even if we do decide to keep her, they can take us to court for her. I can't do this… we have to give her up... we HAVE to."

"NO, DEMI. WE DON'T HAVE TO." He hovers over my naked body and looks down at me. I've never seen Joe cry so hard. "So they have to walk off hospital grounds with her. Who cares?! We have 30 days to change our minds. So we can get her back within that 30 days, can't we?! Demi, please. I KNOW we can make this work. I've already been offered a training job at the base in Carlsbad. I can work. I don't have to be deployed anymore. I can take the job and work to make money. While you're at school, I'll watch her. All you'd have to do is commute. That's all, baby. My house is more than big enough for the three of us. I want our baby… and you do too. I know you, Demi. I know how you are. You want to keep Sofia too… that's why you named her yourself. If you didn't want her, you would have let them name her."

"IT'S NOT ENOUGH TO WANT HER, JOE!" I grip my hair and pull it to bear with the frustration. "My fucking GOD! I hate being treated like this!" I let go of my hair and try to compose myself. "Why do you and everyone else insist on treating me like I'm some kind of heartless bitch?! YOU DON'T THINK I WANT MY BABY?! OF COURSE I WANT HER. OF COURSE I WANT TO KEEP HER. You have no idea… She doesn't…. she doesn't EAT what you're eating. She doesn't BREATHE when you breathe. She doesn't count on you to nourish her…. house her and eventually give birth to her. You don't know what it's like to SHARE everything. Your food, your air, your drinks, your heart, lungs YOUR BODY. I love her more than anything in this world, including YOU, Joe. I would DIE to protect her. I would WILLINGLY curl up into a ball and DIE if it meant that she would NEVER have to feel an ounce of pain for as long as she's alive. I'd do anything in this fucking world for my baby, Joe. My head is just so mixed up. I'm confused, scared and so incredibly hurt by all of this. And NO ONE seems to care. I'm expected to just… KNOW what's best for a BABY when I don't even know what's best for myself. It's not enough to WANT a baby. You have to love that baby and know what's best for her…"

"Demi… how can we NOT be what's best for her? She's OUR baby. You don't think she deserves us? Maybe we don't deserve to have her, but she deserves us. I'm not turning this into a racial issue, but honestly, Demi. Do you think it's best to have her grow up with an African American mommy, an African American daddy, African American brothers and sisters and one sister from Guatemala? DEMI SHE'S A WHITE LITTLE BABY THAT LOOKS LIKE US. She needs to be with people that she looks like. Think about her psyche. Think about her FUTURE. There's no way in HELL that living with a family like that could be good for her… please, Demi. Can you really be okay with having a little girl out there that looks like you? Will you really be okay with knowing that the baby you gave birth to, isn't with you? Think about it…"

"I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO, JOE. I DON'T FUCKING KNOW, OKAY?" I sit up in the bed and clutch the covers to my naked body. "I DON'T KNOW! I DON'T WANT TO KEEP HER. I WANT HER TO HAVE A GOOD LIFE! WE CAN'T PROVIDE A BABY WITH A DECENT LIFE UNTIL I FINISH SCHOOL AND YOU GET A DEFINITE JOB THAT WON'T CAUSE YOU TO GET KILLED! I'M NOT KEEPING HER AND THAT'S THAT."

"Then you ARE the most heartless bitch I've ever met. Using my baby as leverage, when you KNOW I can't do anything about it? You KNOW I have no legal obligations for a week, until AFTER the birth certificate is finalized. You KNOW that. And you're gonna use that against me. You ARE a heartless BITCH, Demi. You KNOW what having a baby means to me, yet you want to give the only one I'll probably ever have AWAY. You know I love you, Demi… but I can't love you if you're REALLY going to give my baby away. Fuck you, Demi. FUCK. YOU."

"FUCK ME?! SERIOUSLY? HOW ABOUT FUCK YOU!" I yank the ring off my finger and throw it at him. "FUCK YOU, FUCK YOUR JOB, FUCK THE FACT THAT YOU LEFT ME WITHOUT A FUCKING WORD FOR MONTHS, FUCK THIS RING, FUCK YOUR PROMISES AND FUCK THIS RELATIONSHIP. I'm SO done, Joe. I'm DONE." I gather myself up and reach across his body to grab my cell phone off my dresser. I'm calling Dr. McLean and letting her know that the adoption WILL be final. But, as soon as I reach across his body and move my leg, I hear a soft popping noise. Down my leg, water trickles out and onto Joe's legs and my bed sheets.

Roughly, but with caution, Joe pushes me off him. "I'm going home, Demi. I don't know how I ever thought we could make this relationship work. Don't worry, I won't call you. I won't text you. I won't do anything to contact you. But you won't keep me from my baby." I don't think he felt the warm liquid on his legs. I don't see why he would feel it, because I hardly felt it. It was really warm and there wasn't a lot of it. It was like a minor pee. I think I actually might have peed on him… or worse, I think my water broke. He starts getting dressed and putting all of his clothes back on.

Something doesn't feel right. I feel… sick and deflated. It doesn't hurt, but it feels awfully weird. I think I should go tell my mom that my water broke. I swing my legs over to the side and step down out of my bed. As soon as I step down, more water just spews out. I'm gonna throw up. "….Joe, don't leave…" I know we just had the biggest argument ever, and I just broke up with him, but I really think this is it. "My…" I start to tell him that my water broke all over him, but I don't want him to be disgusted or anything by it.

Before I even have a chance to say it, he notices. While he's putting his pants on, he notices the wet spots on his leg. "What the hell…" He touches the wet spot with his hand and sniffs it. "Demi, did you PISS on me?"

"…My water broke, I think." I hold my stomach and walk calmly over to my dresser to grab a pair of underwear and some clothes. "I'm so sorry… I didn't mean for it to break on you. I'm sorry…" I grab some underwear and a pair of sweatpants.

He rushes over to me and grabs my arms. "No, baby! It's okay… it's okay, I'm not mad." He yanks his pants on and helps me get dressed. "You're in labor! We're gonna have a baby!" He's not mad at me all of a sudden. He pulls my shirt up and kisses my belly. "I can't wait to finally meet you!" He kisses me on the lips a bunch of times. "MISS DIANNA! MISS DIANNA!" He screams and leaves my room. "DEMI'S WATER BROKE!"

I pull some socks on my feet and step into my slide on shoes. Dallas said that if you remain calm it won't hurt so bad, so I'm trying to be calm about it. I'm not feeling any pain right now, but I'm trying to stay cool and collected. I brush my hair back and flick on the light to my bedroom. I tear my sheets off my bed to put them in the washer. I read in the baby book I bought that the water breaking isn't that big of a deal. It just means that the amniotic sac around the baby busted and the baby's getting ready to come out. Yeah, I'm in labor, but it could still be hours before she's officially here.

I can't stop thinking about what Joe said. I know he wants to keep the baby. I want to keep her too. I'm trying so hard to be selfless. I'm trying to do what I think is best for Sofia. Maybe Joe's right. Maybe it's not good for Sofia to grow up in such a diverse family. I mean, growing up in such a mixed family would teach her lessons that it's not about skin color or gender or race. It would teach her not to be a racist, sexist or any of that junk. But maybe she could be with us. People that look like her. Who's to say that being with us isn't what's best for her?

I grab my phone to text Selena and let her know that I'm in labor. I'm not sure how many people are allowed to be in the labor and delivery room. I think it's three, because when Dallas had Carlo only three of us were allowed back. If only three are allowed, then it's going to be Joe, Dallas and my mom. I wish four were allowed back. If four were allowed back, I would want Selena in the room too. I do want her to at least be there for me.

"Sofia, do you want to live with mommy and daddy?" I rub my stomach. "You want to live with us?" I kiss my hand and touch my stomach. "…I don't think mommy's gonna give you up. But don't tell daddy." I clean up my sheets and throw them in the dirty hamper. I don't know if I'm ready to give birth to a baby. I don't know if I'm ready to be a mom.

But you know, I think that's the beauty of it. Not being ready for a baby, but having one anyway. The learning is part of the experience. I realize that I'm not ready to be a mom, but who ever is ready? I'll never be ready to be a mom. Sofia has to teach me how to be a good mommy. She has to teach me. No new mom is ever ready to be a mom.

But I'm really going to learn how to be a mom.

I'm gonna be a mom.

But they're gonna still have to walk out of the hospital with her.

I'm not sure how I feel about this.

(A/N: I know it's only been a few chapters since Demi actually found out she was pregnant, but I really don't want to bore you guys with tedious details of pregnancy and all that jazz. So Sofia will be here in the next few chapters)