Thank you again for your reviews. *Lynn
Reference to 'Social Psychology'
xTBBTx
"Well, that is that," said Leonard as he turned off the television. Until the new season started it was same old same old and if he wanted that he'd much rather watch shows on DVD sans commercials. He glanced over at his roommate who was busy reading something on his computer. Leonard set the remote on the coffee table and got up to stretch. After three hours in the same position nearly every muscle in his body rang out a clear 'hello'. "Ah. I don't know how you can sit there for hours like you do," he sighed.
"I'm not just 'sitting'. My body's in constant motion," corrected Sheldon without looking away from the screen. "For instance as we speak my buttocks are contracting merrily away. Then it's only a matter of isolating other areas for targeted stimulation."
"Move over Dr. Kegel," mused the shorter man.
"Actually Leonard the 'Kegel exercise' is as beneficial to men as women as it strengthens the pubococcygeal muscle, maintains healthy hips, allows for stronger erections and greater control over ejaculation."
"Huh. No kidding."
Sheldon closed his window and turned in his chair. "Over the years I've noticed a difference as the exercise lifts up the testicles as well as strengthens the anal sphincter muscles and as we know without those puppies we—"
"Gotcha," Leonard said quickly as he ventured to the washroom. "In fact I think I'll test your theory right now."
Sheldon raised an eyebrow. "It's not a theory, Leonard. It's commonly known that"—here he stopped as his nose wrinkled, realizing Leonard was about to utilize his own sphincter muscles. "Lavatory humor." A pause before he gave a gaspy laugh. "Will wonders never cease?"
He returned to his computer and the article he was perusing. Normally he got answers in straight fashion but in this instance the more he learned the more questions he had. For instance, seventy to eighty percent of women achieved orgasm only through direct clitoral stimulation, though indirect stimulation might also suffice. From this he realized that to pleasure Penny meant he needed to know how to stimulate her clitoris. Fortunately the glans of the clitoris had more than eight thousand sensory nerve endings so an orgasm was relatively easier to achieve. The problem was technique and—at this Sheldon pursed his lips.
"The problem is germs," he muttered to himself.
As far as the articles were concerned finger stimulation could achieve orgasm but the surefire method was cunnilingus. As he couldn't even stick his tongue in her mouth he very much doubted the likelihood of his literally sniffing around Penny's nether lips.
His other option lay with the 'G-Spot' but again that would entail inserting his fingers into an orifice and even then it'd be no sure thing as the Spot's location was inconsistent and in some cases absent entirely. Needless to say discussing the matter of its presence would surely get Penny's curiosity piqued and the last thing Sheldon wanted to do was get her hopes up.
Picking up his phone Sheldon scrolled down his list of contacts until he found the neurobiologist.
I require input into female orgasm, he texted.
He continued reading until Amy responded.
Human?
Sheldon tutted as he typed his affirmation. Obviously his association with Penny and her 'folksy ways' was finally catching up with him. He really had to be more precise in his language if he didn't want to swap an East Texas accent for a mid-Western twang.
I'm busy over the next few days so we can discuss intermittently or wait until Sunday when I can show you what a female orgasm's all about, texted Amy.
I believe I would get more out of a presentation.
Agreed. My friend and I will be there at two.
Friend?
We work best in tandem. Ttyl8r.
"I see Penny's war on the English language has claimed another victim," Sheldon said with a sigh.
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"So Bat-Man finally topped a billion dollars in revenue," said Leonard as he flipped through a comic bin. "Not as fast as The Avengers but still it's a victory for DC."
"Makes you wonder what they're going to do since the trilogy's finished," replied Howard.
Raj pulled out a comic and set it on his pile. "Chris Nolan is involved in the Superman project. That should mean it won't completely suck."
"Then again one can always go back to the well one too many times," warned Sheldon. "This is the company who thought Joel Shumacher's job on Batman Forever warranted a second kick at the can with Batman & Robin."
"Have faith," soothed Raj. "Nolan passed the Sam Raimi test and managed to pull off a successful trilogy." Leonard stopped flipping to regard his friend.
"Since when does Spiderman 3 constitute a 'successful' film?"
"No, no, Spiderman 3 did have its merits," Sheldon interjected. "After all it did halt production on Spiderman 4."
"Hey now," Howard said as he moved to the next bin. "Anne Hathaway had been picked to play Black Cat. She'd of kicked ass filling the role—and that costume."
"Fortunately Nolan selected her to play Catwoman," said Raj.
"Yeah," smiled Howard. "Although I don't know what it says about your career if directors take one look at you and think, 'pussy'."
"Speaking of costume apparel Penny has tasked me with formally inviting you all to her Halloween party which is taking place at Leonard and I's apartment," Sheldon said evenly.
"I thought we were coming here for Stuart's costume contest?" pouted Raj. Finally he was going to be in a competition where he didn't have to portray sucky Aquaman. There's no way he'd give up the opportunity without a fight.
"Penny's aware of our previous engagement," replied Sheldon. "She'll be busy entertaining her Spanish class as they partake in Day of the Dead festivities for extra credit."
"Here that buddy? College girls will be coming to you," Howard said encouragingly with a nudge to Raj's shoulder. In response the astrophysicist gave a polite smile but said nothing.
"I wonder if I could get Leslie to come out?" mused Leonard. "I don't think she'd be into hanging with college kids. Neither would Amy for that matter."
"Don't underestimate Amy," tutted the theoretical physicist as he resumed comic flipping. "When it comes to Penny she's known to do wild and crazy things."
"Penny seems to have that effect on 'homo novus'," agreed Howard with a twinkle in his eye.
"Score one for homo sapiens sapiens," grinned Raj.
"I think I'll go as Frodo," said Leonard. "Since The Hobbit is coming out this year people should know who I am."
"I call The Flash," Sheldon said quickly, causing Raj to pout.
"Fine. I'll be Green Lantern," he huffed.
"Captain America over here," Howard said. "I wonder if I could get Bernadette to be the Black Widow?"
"If we can get Penny to be Catwoman we'd be the most kickass group of heroes," said Raj. "Well, except for Leonard."
"Hey, we rock it in the Shire," the experimental physicist boasted. "Besides with the Ring I've got powers like the Invisible Woman."
"True," Howard chuckled. "You've been invisible to women for years." Leonard scowled as his other friends snickered.
xTBBTx
"There's a bit of a hoof between your two classrooms," noted Amy as she and Penny walked down the hallway towards the Spanish room. "At least it'll keep your calves shapely."
"If all goes well next semester I'll be in college full time so my calves are really going to get a workout." Penny snorted. "Okay, like they don't already working at the Cheesecake Factory."
"As academics take on a greater role in your life you'll have to ensure you don't put on weight what with the increasing hours of inactivity."
Penny stopped in front of an open doorway, the sounds of mariachi music emanating from within. "As the chances of me getting a scholarship are zilch I think it's safe to say I'll be working my way through school."
"Good stuff. A healthy work ethic and firm buttock are essential in academics." Amy gave a quick smile while Penny's brow furled slightly in confusion before both women entered the class.
"Here she comes," sang Pierce as he spotted the Nebraskan. "Miss America."
"Shush you," Penny chided lightly.
"I was wondering when you'd get here," said Jeff. At his words Amy cocked her head as she took in the ex-lawyer with his tousled chic hair and designer clothes. She couldn't say he was a knockout to her hormones like Zack but he was handsome enough and he did have amazing blue eyes. Although I have seen better. Amy cleared her throat.
"Oh, Jeff, this is my friend Amy."
Jeff looked over the cotton and wool layered woman with stringy hair and glasses before returning his gaze to Penny, whose legs teased him in all the right places in that short skirt of hers.
"Intrigued," he said amiably.
"Ah, so you're in Penny's study group," Amy said evenly.
"Yeah. Although originally it was my study group. If anything Penny joined me. Part of the Cult of Winger—which is not affiliated with Scientology despite the rumors." Penny gave him a 'be good' frown.
A pause, then Amy turned to her friend. "He's trying to be funny," she stage whispered.
"Ouch," Jeff replied albeit with an amused look on his face.
"However his secondary sexual characteristics make him reasonably attractive. I can see why your dream had a heavy sexual comp—"
"Jeff!" called Pierce.
"What was that?" Jeff said to Amy as Penny turned about three shades of crimson.
Pierce chuckled as he came to stand beside his classmate. "Looks as though someone else is in need of Ear-Noculars."
"Just a second Pierce I—"
"Boy I sure could use a drink right now," Penny said in a high pitched tone.
"It is a tad warm in here," agreed Amy. "Let us procure some beverages."
"Jeff, it'll just take a moment," Pierce said amiably.
"But Penny and I were just talking about this dream she had," Jeff said with an intrigued look.
"No we weren't," Penny said a little too quickly as she took Amy's hand. "Later Winger." Both women sped off, Penny veritably dragging Amy through the crowd.
The two men gazed after them.
"There's just something about a woman in a cardigan isn't there?" smiled Pierce wistfully as he checked out the neurobiologist's figure.
"Eyah," replied Jeff. "So what was it that was so important you decided to ruin one of the most important conversations I've had at college?"
"Senor Chang thought the corner needed some pizzazz and I made a suggestion or two. He gave me his blessing and the key to the supply room and I need a hand gathering some materials." He cupped a hand on Jeff's shoulder. "I'll have you back here clean as a whistle."
"I think you mean 'quick as a whistle'," replied Jeff. Pierce laughed.
"Maybe you're into blowing dirty whistles Jeffrey but I like mine shiny as new." Jeff's eyebrow nearly spiked into his hair line as Pierce tucked their arms together and began whistling.
XxX
He'd been out of high school for over a decade and yet Leonard couldn't help but feel a little apprehension as he looked around Penny's 'Step Up' classroom. Not that the work was ever a problem for him, no it was the interacting with his fellow classmates that garnered him unique experiences like being stuffed into his own cello case. He couldn't even count the number of wedgies he'd undergone over the years.
Sometimes he wondered if things would have been easier for him were he to have gone to university at age eleven like Sheldon. At least the East Texan didn't have to go through things like junior and senior proms and compulsory pep rallies. Leonard glanced over at his roommate as the lanky man was in discussion with one of Penny's teachers. A check of his watch said Sheldon had been engaged for ten minutes so it was time to extract him from the conversation.
The older woman was patient as she went over the curriculum with the intensely curious yet odd individual before her. Clearly he was intelligent but was more than a little off-putting. Still, like the army, the 'Step Up' program took all kinds.
"All in all it's a great program. You work at your own pace and teachers are available should you need us," she concluded. The man seemed taken aback.
"You think this is for me?" he said incredulously as he lightly shook the handouts. "My dear woman I've two doctorates and—"
"Sheldon!" Leonard stepped beside his friend and gave a big smile to the teacher. "Since Penny's not here and you're finished talking—"
"No I'm not—"
"Yes you are." The short man smiled at the teacher as he led Sheldon away. "Thank you."
"Leonard, it's a wonder Penny learns anything at all with this hippy-like 'open concept' derived teaching. She'd be far better off with me tutoring her," Sheldon tutted.
"It's not the same and you know it," Leonard replied. "Penny has to do this on her own and she seems satisfied with the program."
"She was also satisfied with 'The Lake House'," said Sheldon with pursed lips. Leonard raised an eyebrow. "Oh very well," Sheldon blustered as he tucked the handouts into his satchel. "However I will have a list of questions for Penny to take to her 'teacher'"—here he used air quotes with his fingers—"once I've read over the material."
"Fair enough," Leonard said diplomatically. "Hey, why don't we take a look around the school?" At this Sheldon's demeanor became more serious.
"Good idea. I'd like to go to her Spanish class so I can see the curriculum. It'll help me to better assist Penny on 'Date Night'."
Leonard and Sheldon exited the building and began their trek across campus. The short man had reached for the map but Sheldon assured him with a raised eyebrow that he had it memorized and could lead them to the language building blindfolded.
A high pitched whine came over the speaker system, causing Sheldon to plug his ears.
"Excuse me. Sorry about that," said the disembodied voice. "Dean Pelton here. I just want to welcome our students and honored guests to Pasadena City College—where learning right is a right and we have a right to write right. Anyways if—"
Sheldon rolled his eyes. "Good Lord."
XxX
"I still don't see the reason for embarrassment, Bestie. Sexually-charged dreams are common," said Amy evenly as she and Penny walked into the cafeteria.
"Yeah but you don't tell the person you had the dream about!"
"Why does it matter? It's not like you're going to have intercourse with Jeff. Really Penny you make such a big drama out of everything." The waitress's jaw dropped as Amy stepped to where a hunky blonde haired man with no shirt sat on a counter.
"Hi, what's up, hey. I'm Vaughn. Those look like comfortable shoes."
He has no idea how lethal his smile is. The neurobiologist took a moment to gather herself. "Thank you. Yes. They're Fluevog. Are you in line?"
"Naw, just chillin'. Hey you're not going to pollute your body with carbonation are you?" he asked, suddenly concerned.
"Tepid water actually. Penny usually orders carbonated beverages. I see you've lost your shirt." At the mention of her name Penny walked over to the pair.
"Hey Vaughn."
"Hey Penny, how's it going, 'sup?"
"Not much. Amy and I are just getting something to drink."
"Amy. Rad name. So are you two pretty tight?"
"Yup," Penny replied.
"We're not the only thing that's pretty tight," Amy said in a modestly excited undertone as her eyes appreciatively glanced over his jeans.
"Maybe I'll get a bottled water," Penny replied. At once Vaughn looked pained.
"Aw, sis, no. Bottled water is so bad for the environment with all the plastic and stuff."
"Not to mention a bacteria count that is over and above most municipal water facilities," added Amy without taking her eyes off the man.
"You drink bottled water all the time," Penny said with a smirk.
"Sheldon said the pipes in your building are questionable. Your water passed inspection when he had it tested but he still doesn't trust it for ingestion without it first being boiled," said Amy.
"So how does he brush his teeth?" asked Penny.
"Water purification tablets," said Amy in a distracted tone as she smiled at Vaughn.
Penny rolled her eyes. Purification tablets. Of course.
"Speaking of pure," said Vaughn as he got off the counter. "By the way, I like how you said that. Water purification. Water pure. That's the only way." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a folded piece of paper. "When I was in the quad yesterday I was chillin' and then you walked into my head. It's for you," he said to Penny.
"Thanks Vaughn." She unfurled the paper to see a hand-written poem:
I floated in the stream of blissful unconsciousness
Then awoke to the sound of laughter from you my sis
I looked around but you weren't there
Just the green and the sky and the maple's fresh air
Maybe we touched, a soft caress of the mind
Two kindred souls, all pureness and kind
You might not be here but that won't make me sad
You left your footprints in my dreams, now that's pretty rad.
Penny looked up with a smile. "Thanks so much."
"No worries," he said with a grin reminiscent of a young Brad Pitt.
"So what are you doing at the college?" asked Amy. "Besides enthralling the populace with your down home charm and oh my abs, I mean."
Penny felt her phone vibrate. She scrolled to see a text from Leonard:
Sheldon. Spanish Room. Help!
"We've got to go," she said as she grabbed a Lipton green tea iced tea from the counter.
"Right with you, Bestie."
"Nice encounter, Amy. Peace out," smiled Vaughn.
Amy's knees went weak.
After the girls paid for their drinks they hurried to the language building.
"So let me get this straight you have Nature Boy with his six pack abs and folksy ways writing you poems and instead you're dating Sheldon and having sexual dreams about Jeff?" Amy gave a little smile. "Clearly you're insane."
Penny laughed. "Maybe Sheldon's mother should have me tested."
XxX
Sheldon and Leonard followed the sounds of mariachi music to the source and entered the classroom. Immediately the theoretical physicist determined Penny's absence. With a sigh he walked up to a young black man wearing a high school letter jacket.
"¿Usted ha visto a Penny," asked Sheldon. The teenager stared at him with a blank expression. "Good Lord Leonard she's learning Spanish here!"
Troy felt a tingling at the back of his neck so gave his head a twitch to the side with a resounding crack. Granted he had no idea what the reedy guy had said in Spanish but he sure knew the tone of snooty derisiveness only a nerd could emit.
Sensing a disturbance in the Force only encountered when jocks and nerds collide Leonard quickly whipped out his phone and texted Penny.
"Who's learning Spanish here?" asked Troy.
"Obviously not you," sniffed Sheldon. Troy's eye began to twitch.
Off to Leonard's left Abed whispered something to Annie and Shirley, sending both women to Troy's side.
Abed resumed filming with his camera. "Action," he said evenly as he zoomed in on the group.
"Can we help you?" Annie said with pursed lips. She didn't get how this guy in a Green Arrow t-shirt and plaid pants could be suicidal enough to bait her Troy like this but she'd be damned if she'd let it continue.
"We're looking for Penny," offered Leonard with an apologetic smile.
Troy frowned. "What do you want with Penny?"
"I'm her boyfriend," Sheldon said evenly.
Pause.
Troy started laughing. "Seriously? No way."
"You must be Sheldon," Shirley beamed.
"Dr. Sheldon Cooper," replied the lanky man.
"You're a physician?" Annie said with a cynical look.
Sheldon looked down his nose. "Hardly. I had higher ambitions than that."
Shirley was close to bursting with excitement. "So what's your area of research?"
"We're physicists," said Leonard.
"Whoa. That's like hard-core math," nodded Troy. Sheldon gave the jock an incredulous look.
"Physics involves the study of matter and its motion through space and time, along with related concepts such as energy and force in order to understand how the universe behaves." Troy blinked.
"We study things like galaxies to see how they work," added Leonard. Sheldon rolled his eyes.
"My word. They should take away your doctorate for saying that. Why you might as well say quantum mechanics builds flea circuses." His brow furrowed as he realized an Arabic man was filming him.
"Sheldon!" As a group they turned to see Amy and Penny enter the room. The Nebraskan was all smiles as she sidled up to Sheldon and tucked her arm through his. "I see you've met everyone."
"No one's been introduced," said Shirley.
"Oh. Well this is Sheldon, my boyfriend, and Leonard, his roommate and our friend Amy."
"Well I'm Shirley," said the older woman with a genuine smile. "And these are Troy and Annie. And that little caramel angel with the camera's Abed. We're all in Penny's study group."
"I see," said Sheldon as he glanced around the room.
"Where's Jeff?" asked Annie.
Shirley shrugged. "I'm not sure."
"Ah, he's around somewhere," Penny said with mock enthusiasm. "You know how he likes to socialize."
"I'll say," piped in Abed as he filmed. "Especially when he says things like how much he likes your hot buttered pop—"
"Spoilers, Abed," Penny said with a strained smile.
"What's wrong with liking popcorn?" asked Sheldon.
"Nothing," Shirley said quickly. "Popcorn's a great source of fiber."
"Actually if you want a better snacking fiber try a cup of raspberries," said Amy. "They have over twice the amount as three cups of air popped popcorn."
"Although air popped popcorn has less calories per volume," Sheldon added.
"So why was Jeff so worried about watching both of your waistlines?" a puzzled Abed asked Penny.
Sheldon pursed his lips. "Dear Lord don't tell me you're thinking of restricting your caloric intake," he said disapprovingly to his girlfriend. "You're already in healthy proportion."
"Jeff thinks so," Troy said with a smirk garnering him an elbow from Annie.
It was absolutely amazing that even when he wasn't there Jeff Winger could get into trouble.
"So Spanish," Penny said desperately. "Here we are!"
"Indeed," said Sheldon. "Although the mariachi music is playing at an uncomfortable decibel more than likely in an attempt to make up for its generic content. Here's hoping your maestro isn't as tone deaf when it comes to your lessons."
"Senor Chang is—well he's Senor Chang," Shirley said with a little smile. "He's an interesting teacher."
"Yes, well, a black hole is also interesting but that doesn't mean I want to traverse its event horizon," replied the lanky theorist. "Of course from what I've seen of the College I imagine he couldn't possibly do any more harm to the educational system."
"Not that he's saying that your school's bad," Leonard replied as he frowned at Sheldon. "I'm sure he realizes your willingness to proceed with your studies is what's more important."
"It's this kind of 'boo-yah' mentality that maintains the mediocrity of the status quo, Leonard. You should know that when you mistake gosh-darn enthusiasm for so-called fundamental breakthroughs in your research." Annie's jaw dropped in shock.
"You let him talk to you like that?" she sputtered to Leonard.
"My statement is based on years of observation not personal slight," sniffed Sheldon. "You'll need to note the difference if you want to function in higher academia."
"But every road begins with a step, Sheldon, and in this instance Pasadena City College more than suffices," Amy said evenly. "Especially since we're happy Penny has decided to rekindle her interest in learning and that she's found a group of similarly like-minded individuals such as yourselves." Both Sheldon and she locked eyes. "Isn't that right?"
"Oh! Of course," he said in mock enthusiasm. "Very happy. Of course we could be even happier were you to better organize your study group so as to maximize your learning."
"You'll have to speak to Jeff about that," Annie said coolly. "It's his study group."
"And as he's not here I guess we'll have to do that some other time," Penny said with a waitress smile as she squeezed her boyfriend's arm. "Let's go see some other classes so we can pick out what I'm going to take next semester." She looked at Shirley. "I'll see you at group tomorrow."
"Wow," said Shirley as the study group watched Penny and company leave the class.
"Where's Jeff when you need him?" growled Annie.
XxX
"Help!" yelled Jeff as his fist beat against the door.
"Rest yourself Jeffrey. Someone will come to look for us eventually," soothed Pierce as he sat on a box.
"I can't believe you locked us in the stupid closet," seethed Jeff.
"Well at least it gives us a chance to toot our own horns as we used to call it in my day."
Jeff resumed pounding. "Please!"
"You seem flustered."
"I am flustered. The whole reason why I came out here tonight's out there having sexual dreams about me and instead I'm stuck here with you." Pierce chuckled.
"Penny?"
Jeff walked over and flumped himself beside his friend.
"Jeff, I was a young man once. After seven marriages I know how the scent of a woman gets into your blood. Were Penny not a lesbian I'd most certainly be attracted."
"Where did you get that from?" Jeff asked incredulously.
"It's obvious. Haven't you noticed her notes are printed and written? Really, you've got to learn to pick up on this stuff."
"She has a boyfriend, Pierce."
"'Boyfriend'. I believe we've met this boyfriend of hers and believe me 'Amy' isn't a name I'd call my son," Pierce said with a wink.
A pause. "Get out of here," Jeff scoffed.
"Did you see the way that cardigan vixen hovered around Penny? My God Jeff raise your blinders."
As if being trapped in a closet wasn't bad enough I had to have Pierce with me. "Wow."
The older man clapped a hand on his shoulder. "You learn Little Grasshopper."
xTBBTx
Leaned back in his chair as he was Jeff Winger was the epitome of cool as he waited for his study mates. He'd arrived early in order to gather dirt since apparently during his closet-time with Pierce he had missed something momentous—the unveiling of Penny's boyfriend. Without Shirley—the woman really was a pot-stirrer—he never would have known Sheldon was a professor at Caltech so it was no surprise she texted him about last night's visit. The only thing was, Jeff was unsure of what to do with Shirley's depiction of the illustrious doctor as 'different'.
Jeff twirled his pen as he thought about the Nebraskan and how she surprised him at every turn. She wasn't just hot she had a great sense of humor and a genuine kindness to her that was so rare in Jeff's former life in the legal system. He admitted he liked her—as a friend of course since she had a boyfriend and hitting on a woman with a boyfriend was so uncool even if she did push all the right buttons and—
"Easy Winger," he mumbled to himself as Troy entered the room.
"Hey man," the quarterback said as he touched fists with Jeff. "Where'd you go last night?"
"Pierce and I were talking about whistles. I heard Penny brought a special person to the class?"
"'Special' is right," Troy said with a shake of the head.
"Details," Jeff prompted as he sat up.
"He talks a lot and uses big words and is just one strange dude." Troy thought for a moment. "In a way he's kind of like Abed only Abed's cool and he's a real nerd."
"Who's a nerd?" asked Annie as Shirley and she passed through the door.
"Penny's boyfriend," said Jeff. "Thoughts?" Annie pursed her lips.
"You mean 'I'm too good to be a medical doctor' Dr. Sheldon Cooper?"
"Now Annie, Sheldon might be a little eccentric but—"
"He's a jerk, Shirley," the teenager replied. "The way he stood there looking all snotty in his plaid pants and cartoon t-shirt while Penny and his roommate did their best to curb his rants on the school and physics."
"Physics?" Jeff was already typing in a search for 'Sheldon Cooper' on his phone.
"I looked him up when I got home last night," Shirley said, wide-eyed. "He's a big time theorist."
"He's still a jerk," grumped Annie as she laid out her school books.
"Breakfast Club," said Abed evenly as he bee-lined for his seat.
"If you want to experience him ask Abed, he filmed the whole thing last night," offered Troy.
"Thing?" Abed blinked.
"Penny's boyfriend."
"Ah." The film buff cocked his head. "Tall, thin, high forehead, blue eyes, angular although extremely photogenic. Cool Green Arrow t-shirt. Talks a lot. Very Spencer Reid though not as personable."
"Interesting," said Jeff. He heard Pierce and Penny approach the room. "Well I'm just sad I missed him," he said aloud.
"I missed you too, Jeffrey," said Pierce sympathetically as he walked to his chair. "But there'll be other times to bond."
"You bonded over whistles?" Troy asked, confused.
Pierce beamed. "While we were locked in the closet we blew each other's whistles all right." The room went silent and all eyes turned to the older man. "What?"
Jeff leaned over to Penny. "So, have any interesting dreams last night?"
"No," she said crisply. She really was going to kill Amy.
"Dreams like Roseanne's last season or good dreams that turn into nightmares like on M*A*S*H?" asked Abed.
"Dreams where the wrong person is in the wrong place," replied Penny as she got ready to study.
"Ah, Star Trek Nemesis. Gotcha."
Penny's eyebrows furrowed. "I'm not sure I get that."
"Either do I," agreed Jeff. "That was dream with an 's', right?"
"Time to get started," Penny said loudly and with a blush. She looked at the ex-lawyer. "It was one time. Like trying a cigarette. Not good for me."
"But addictive," he said with a smirk.
Penny stuck out her tongue and turned to the day's assignment.
xTBBTx
Carefully Sheldon extracted his arm from between the laser beams. It had been a calculated risk but he knew if he was to slide his body through the opening he had to reposition his hand.
"Spider-Man would have been through this in like two seconds flat," scoffed Raj as he leaned against the kitchen counter. "What's a few lasers to a man with the reflexes of a spider?"
Leonard thought for a moment. "Actually, what are the reflexes of a spider? Peter Parker has the proportional strength of a spider but his arachnid qualities don't necessarily translate into greater dexterity."
"Black Widow is pretty flexible. I'd play a game of Twister with her any day," smirked Howard.
"I think Hawkeye's already her playing partner," warned Raj.
"Hardly," said Sheldon as he rested on his elbow. "The Avengers movie made Clint Barton much more dynamic a fighter than he is in the comics. In fact the Marvel Super Heroes game has him at a distinct fighting disadvantage without his bow." He raised his hips and continued moving.
"Beast is pretty kick-ass," said Howard as he got down onto the floor to make sure Sheldon didn't touch a beam.
"Yeah but in X-Men: First Class they used Hank McCoy's brains more than his gymnastic abilities," Leonard reminded him. He checked his watch. If things continued at this pace it'd be midnight before they got past moving the pawns on the chessboard.
"That was disappointing," agreed Raj. "Although Nightcrawler's dad was just amazing teleporting all over the place."
"But would you consider him truly agile or just incredibly adept at teleportation?" said Howard. "Cutting it close Sheldon. Better haul in that hinnie." Sheldon obliged but it wasn't enough and the beam broke. "Gotcha."
"Drat," pouted the theoretical physicist. "And here I was thinking I'd solved my problem by changing attire."
Howard rubbed his palms as he prepared for his turn. "It's not about wearing a suit but how you wear it."
"Your small stature is also beneficial." Sheldon quickly compared heights. "In fact, I'm the most disadvantaged of the group."
"At least you admit it," Raj quipped, garnering him a glare.
The apartment door opened and Penny, Amy and Bernadette stopped dead as if frozen as they took in the guys wearing skin tight spandex suits.
"Holy crap on a cracker!" gasped Penny.
"Fascinating," grinned Amy, causing the men to quickly hide their privates with their hands.
"I thought you were supposed to be at our place?" sputtered Howard to his wife.
"Amy and I came to pick up Penny after work," Bernadette piped in. "Great Halloween costumes by the way. I love The Blue Man Group."
"These aren't our costumes," blushed Leonard. At this Bernadette's brows furrowed in confusion.
"I'm not sure I understand."
"Think of this as a ritualized form of competition," explained Amy. "Their outfits signal a change from ordinary life to the spiritual world."
"I dunno. It looks kinda hot," Penny said as she took in every inch of her boyfriend.
"Penny, I'm taken," blushed Howard. The waitress rolled her eyes.
"Maybe we should go," said Bernadette. "I'm still not sure about this."
"There are other aspects to consider," said the neurobiologist. "For instance the homoerotic traits are—"
The door closed behind the women.
"Maybe we should take up checkers," Leonard said quietly.
Sheldon tutted. "Leonard, who ever heard of 'secret agent laser obstacle checkers'? Now you're just being silly."
"And standing here in spandex suits isn't?" asked Raj quietly. The men mulled before resuming their positions.
"And away I go," muttered Howard as he tentatively angled his leg between the lasers.
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"What are the snacks for?" asked Leonard as he watched his roommate pull out bowls for pretzels and Goldfish crackers.
"Amy Farrah Fowler and a friend are coming over this afternoon to conduct a presentation."
"Oh? On what?"
"How to produce an orgasm in a human female," Sheldon said evenly as he dug into the cupboard for mugs.
Leonard's jaw dropped. "I—what? Run that by me again?"
Sheldon sighed. "I was doing research on the female orgasm and had questions. Amy said she could demonstrate."
"Did she say how she'd do that?" the shorter man asked hesitantly. Sheldon pursed his lips.
"She said it'd be visual with some tactile sensations." There was a knock at the door and he went to answer. "Of course I insisted on proper hygiene at all times. Hello Amy, come in."
"Hello Sheldon," replied the neurobiologist as she entered the apartment carrying a large cloth bag.
"Where's your friend?"
"He'll be here a little later. Don't worry, we can begin the presentation without him." She gave Leonard a small smile. "I'm glad you're here. I require your assistance."
"What?" sputtered Leonard as Amy dragged Sheldon's computer chair over to Leonard's seat and plunked her bag on it. "I don't think I'm the best candidate for—"
"I realize your sexual repertoire is not profound but you have intimate knowledge of Penny which we'll require." Leonard made to speak. "Unless you're saying you want Bestie's sexual experiences to be less than satisfactory?"
"No," he mumbled.
"Right, let's get started. Hold out your hand and make a fist if you please." Amy dug through her bag and pulled out a red sock and put it on Leonard's hand. Next she produced a blue leg warmer and covered his arm to the elbow. She fussed with the placement of the legwarmer around the fist and altered the angle of the whole arm before stepping away.
"This is the clitoris," she said evenly.
"Aw, no," moaned Leonard as he made to take off the offending items.
"Leonard," tutted Sheldon. "Quit being a baby and sit still."
"Sheldon my arm is not a clitoris. I—" Leonard shook his head. "Couldn't Amy just draw this out on the board?"
"If I wanted diagrams and pictures there are plenty on the internet," Sheldon said matter-of-factly. "As it stands I have questions in need of answers and Amy has offered to provide them."
"Sheldon—"
"I wish to invoke the 'favor clause' in our Friendship Agreement."
The experimental physicist sighed. "A favor is driving you to the store not act as an anatomy lesson."
"No, driving me places is a part of the Roommate Agreement," said an exasperated Sheldon. "We're talking friendship, Leonard. Please focus."
"I—"
"Leonard, this will be my first time exploring a woman's vulva and I need to anticipate as many variables as possible as I will be combating the added distraction of Penny's germs." Sheldon sighed in frustration at his friend's dubious look.
"Fine," pouted Leonard. "But this goes no where. The last thing Penny needs to know is that the three of us are talking about her female parts."
"Agreed," said Amy evenly. "Now back to the presentation." She held Leonard's arm by the wrist. "You are of course familiar with the parts of the clitoris?"
"Of course," said Sheldon.
"Then we can proceed directly to technique." She pulled out a round pillow and placed it in Leonard's lap before draping a long scarf around his elbow and tucked it on either side of the pillow. "Now, the clitoral glans or shaft may be massaged in a variety of ways through the clitoral hood." She fingered the leg warmer. "Usual techniques include an up-and-down, side-to-side and circular motion," she said as she demonstrated each.
Sheldon got up and hovered over his roommate's arm. "I see you're stimulating the base of the clitoral hood and not the glans proper."
"That's correct," replied Amy. "Direct stimulation is oftentimes too painful. Your best bet is to manipulate the clitoral hood to rub the shaft. Of course some women enjoy manual penetration of the vagina"—here she ran her hand around the edge of the pillow—"or having the entire area of the vulva caressed." She brushed the scarf.
Sheldon was fascinated. "I see." He glanced at his roommate. "Which does Penny prefer?"
Leonard blushed. "Um, you should figure that out for yourself. Seriously Sheldon, exploration's all about getting to know someone."
"I suppose." The lanky man turned to his ex-girlfriend. "Do I wait for vaginal lubrication before engaging her?"
Amy cocked her head. "Typically. I recommend stimulation of the breast tissue and other erogenous zones to help things along."
"Already commenced," Sheldon replied evenly. "How much pressure do I apply? I don't wish to cause her injury."
"It depends. Does Penny employ mechanical modes of stimulation?" Amy and Sheldon looked to Leonard.
"Not that I recall. She uses a lot of other um—things." He gave a weak smile.
"Not important," Amy continued. "Penny will direct you as to pressure and intensity of the rub."
"I still wish I had a tactile example to refer to," Sheldon replied.
"Bing bong. Looks like my friend's here," Amy said as she dug into her purse.
"Friend?" said a curious Sheldon.
"Say hello to Gerard," she smiled as she held up an electric toothbrush.
"Now seems like an odd time to perform oral hygiene," said a puzzled Sheldon. "And since when did you start naming your personal products?"
"Only when I get to know them intimately," Amy said with an impish smile.
Leonard was positively crimson.
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Wikipedia: Kegel; Orgasms; Clitoris; Vulva; Fingering
Ask Men: Fingering Techniques
¿Usted ha visto a Penny: Have you seen Penny?
Thanks for reading!