Author's note:

I've been busy the past couple years or so, but I just re-read my entire story, and while it clearly needs editing, and less focus on sexualizing Bella, I think that's also how teenage girls tend to perceive themselves, as sexual objectives, and the objectification, while I certainly over did it, I believe served it's own purpose. If anyone is still reading, I have a preview for you all of the next few outlined chapters:

"Bellatrix Black?" The voice from the shadows was cross and crisp, the sound of a winter breeze against silent snowfall, the sound of ice, "Bellatrix Black, are you present?"

I stood from the shadows on legs made of flobberworms and anxiety to face the future I had set in motion since I was old enough to comprehend the difference between love and hate, between living and existing, and as I approached him, head bowed under my dark cloak, he lifted his fingers gently pulling up my chin his thin, high cheek boned face with piercing onyx eyes regarded me for a moment without a clue of intent or his perception.

"Yes, yes, my Lord?" I managed after a moment, dropped to my knees, feeling the stinging of their collision with the stone floor and of my gaze against his own that radiated more than power, that radiated purpose.

"Are you prepared to spend your seventh year at Hogwarts both learning and carrying out tasks to prove your worth as the first, and I do mean very first, female Death Eater?"

"Whatever the challenge you ask of me, it is my honor and privilege to provide"

"Excellent, my little dove," He smiled it was cold, he seemed more animal than human, further removed from his own humanity than I'd hoped or expected as his eyes sliced through the caverns of my being he whispered, "Then I have a very, very important mission for you, and your little playmates- Gideon and Fabian Prewett- and it goes like this…

*…*

"Look, Roddy, these aren't games anymore, you see?" I sighed, pounding a frustrated fist against the hard stone illuminated ni the cool light of the green hallway, "It's not even life or death, it is glory or tragedy-"

"Hasn't it been so for the past two years Bella?" He looked away, eyes fixated on an unspoken corner or nook in the stone that stood tall and steady before his unmoving gaze, "Why is it I think you love him?"

"Love Fabian?" I scowled

"No, For Salazar's sake, you self-absorded irrational cow, - I mean, I think you love the Dark Lord!" His voice was raised but his body remained immobilized as though the Petrificous Totalis curse had been performed upon his rigid frame.

I hesitated, a coldness creeping through veins that were usually warmed by Roddy's presence, "Rod, do you NOT love the Dark Lord, because that is what all these years have been devoted to-"

"Oh, shut up," He still avoided my gaze, his limp fingers twisting into fists, "The first female Death Eater…she'd have to be someone beautiful, brilliant, and desperately, desperately, in love with the Dark Lord, because it's clear he has found no women of value until YOU came along, young, and ambitious, and vicious, and bright-eyed, so, so, hopeful to be the first, to be so bloody special…."

"What precisely?' I demanded now, with a heaving chest and heavy eyes narrowed further, "Are you attempting to articulate?"

"I think you are infatuated with him physically as well as ideologically." He finished, and swift a sense of swift determination he turned to leave, quickly paced his footsteps fell into motion back towards to base of our common room, and over his broad and tensed shoulder he called out, "Maybe, Bella, you don't know what love actually is. And I do hate to agree with the Gryffindors, but what choice do you give me?"

I began to psrint, eyes welling with emotion, cheeks flushed with confusion, after the man I was promised to betroth, shouting in the voice of a strange, with tones of pleading-

"Fabian, my love, please-," I paused, out of breath and syallables, "I need to tell you, I need to just explain-"

*….*

"So when we graduate, Bellatrix, when I join the Order, when Andy and Ted join the order, when you and Reggie become Voldemort's pet guard dogs, what happens?" Sirius was half laughing over firewhiskey and disillusionment, "Do we all kill one another, while Cissy watches in the corner shaking, her bambi eyes wide with panicked tears, while we spill the blood of the most IGNOBLE house of Black? Is that your plan, my charming cousin?"

I took a long swig of firewhsikey myself, watching the mirth and ignorance shining on his drunken sincere face, youthful and handsome despite it's rage and scars, as I replied quite simply, "You were not born on the enemy's side of the borderlines, you were not born into filth, you and Andy were not born without choice, and Siri, it is your choice that makes you less than the flith itself, because they knew or had no other way, but you, you, and Andy, forsake fortune, forsake family, forsake a future, for youthful stupidity and now as adults who cannot undo their transgressions for they are far too imbued in these treasonous ways, it is this very choice-"

"Ph Bella," He hiccupped, "and all those empty monologues, no one listens to you anyway, no one cares. Just shut up and curse someone already, what else are you good for?"

Wand in hand, I swung off the barstool, eyes glazed with animosity and whispered to the night-

*….*

"Another discussion about this, you've got to be bloody mad?" Fabian laughed, though he stopped dead in his tracks on the muddy grounds, the quiddich pitch where he set off to practice within sight but not yet grasp, and faced me with deliberate hostility and vigor, "Why do you keep taunting, or bordering line, begging for me to love you?"

"I'm not BEGGING, I'm amused by the previous displays of obvious obsession and admittance of-"

He cut me off, eyes glinting red in the sunset, "It was an adolescent crush, okay sweetheart? It's not like I've stopped reluctantly thinking you're worthy of a causal wank or two, but it was just something teenagers do, rebel, love the bullshit they should be hating, feel aggressively attracted to taboo women, you're not that much of a stunner, that swift with a wand, or with a word for that matter. You're nothing special, just an easy angst-driven pursuit of unrequited lust, and if you still want to believe that I'm in love with you, of all the witches, and muggles in this world, than go ahead, the fact that you care- well, it's quite the compliment."

"Me thinks thou dost protest too much," I smiled a sardonic twitch of my pursed lips, " You'd have had me expelled if you didn't love me. You wouldn't have been so weak as to use unforgivable curses to to obsess or to-"

"Just fucking kiss me, Bella," He walked towards me then with a curious sort of entitlement, "If you want to know so badly, if you want the sick,, masochistic, validation of knowing without question or terribly inevitable attraction to one another, then just kiss me yourself, I'll bloody kiss you back, I'll kiss the Godric out of you, and I won't even curse you afterwards, because you know why?"

We were close now, magnetically thrown centimeters before one another's quivering bodies in the shrinking October light as he smiled with an air of contentment I resented more within myself than externally towards his arrogant half sincere smirk.

"Wewll?" He pushed closer, leavings and moments swirling by.

"Well.." I trailed off my voice losing itself in a gust of wind before I looked into his eyes with malice and fury and the curse of unholy confusion, "Well…"

He was pressing against me now, expectant, for jinx or jest, or embrace would follow this interaction and he was prepared and indifferent and strong, a Fabian I'd never known before, I weakly, reached for my and the nape of his neck at the same time, uncertain of which to pursue.

The sun seemed to set so soon the aumn, nights filled with longer hours…

*….*

"You're headed towards Azkaban, you're headed towards ruin," Andy was breathing heavily, staring at me from across the gardens where she once too was a blossom of the most noble house of black, her eyes now entrenched in the venom of blood traitors, "You're a Death Eater already, aren't you, my big sister, my Bella? You're a murdered now?"

My smile was painted on all wrong, it was meant to be sugary, misleading, violently sweet, but it appeared tilted, twisted, ironic as I spoke, "I just don't know if I should kill you now, or wait until your wedding day, because that would be a spectacle, right? Make sure you don't wear white, I hear mudblood's dirty little paws stain everything…"

*….*

The night was dark and I was drowned in restless, vividly nightmarish dreams of oceans when Luciiius awoke me past 2 in the morning, his face look ill with unusual pallor and charcoal circles below his ashen gray eyes as he shook me from the confines of an unknown ruin to the present moment, where I snapped awake, anxious and anticipcating.

"We leave now, Bella, you, myself, Roddy, Sev, Reggie, and Junior," He licked his lips and spoke with utmost urgency, "The second group will follow, Rosier, Dolohov, Alecto, Amycus, Travers, Nott…maybe Crabbe and Goyle, and all the rest, they will come in time, but for now, for now Bella I have come to you first, we need to gather the rest of the initial group, we need to meet at my manor before sunrise,"

"What happens at sunrise, Lucius?" I looked up at him, half asleep and half desperate with excitement.

He grinned through tired, chapped, thin lips, and whispered hoarsely "The rest of our lives,"

*…*

"I think The Dark Lord is darker than we knew, Bella," Reggie was pasing back and forth in the hall of our family manor, a haunting in his young eyes, "I've heard things, whispers, echoes, terrors, I think I know something truly….terrifying,"

"Do not speak ill of-"

"Yeah I know!" He cut me off, his voice slashing through my words, "DO NOT SPEAK ILL OF THE DARK LORD'- Bella, I know your stance on the matter, I have ears and the basic abilities of comprehension, I am merely warning you, you because I care about one of the last people from my childhood still beside me, enough to-"

"I don't want to know," I crossed my arms and glared at him, his figure silhouetted against the blazing fire of the parlor behind his tall frame, where he froze, struck by the indifference of my words, "I don't want to know whatever you know, whatever you find awful, I don't want to know at all, nevermind from my baby cousin still sitting around at Hogwarts, waiting to become a big boy, earn his Dark Mark, and join the elite, I don't care, believe, or have an interest in your meek, empty, useless-"

"BELLATRIX," He fumed, "You've become blind!"

I took one last sweeping look at his figure, shadowed so beautifully by the firelight and shook my head, "Reggie, we're in different leagues now, I will be his most loyal, his most valiant, his most important supporter, I will champion the movement from the first mud blood or muggle imprisoned or slaughtered, to the last whom we find hiding away in the corners of an abandoned home with their abandoned hope, and I will prove to him, to EVERYONE, I haven't been insane this entire time, the entire time of my young life, but I've been a valiant solider in pursuit of honor, glory, power, and the cleansing of our world from utter and shameful fifth."

He laughed without amusement, a barking short scoff, "Are you finished there, Bella? Finished justifying yourself and your precious ideals?"

I scowled, halted at the foot of the spiral staircase, and through gritted teeth I mustered the strength to speak again, "What, goddammit, Reggie, do you want?"

"Honestly?" He was still amused, in a way that infuriated every inch of my being, "Honestyly, Bella?"

I laughed now too, embracing the silliness in that which we hold most dear to our pounding hearts, "Honestly, sure, why the bloody hell not, tell me, Reg, what is it ou are attempting to accomplish?"

"Two things, both simple, both attainable for anyone of normal comptenent thought, easy for you, if you are not too drugged on love and power- stop sleeping with Voldemort and keep your eye out for the darkest of dark magic, magic above murder or torture, magic above all other dark arts,"

"I AM NOT SHAPPING VOLDEMORT-"

*….*

"This is the last humiliating stunt we pull, from here one we become professionals, ladies and mostly gentlemen, so-"

"So, my dear, Mr. Lestrange, you are trying to say- we better make it good," Severus finished Roddys speech before the DEY with a smooth look of contempt on his sallow features.

Roddy nodded slowly, sweetly it would seem had you not known his intentions, "Preciously, Sev. This is our last chance to be children on a mission before we become soilders at war."

"So, how about we don't fuck it up, eh, mates?" Rosier chimed in, scoffing, "Let's make sure they never forget the DEY, because we're all about to stop being the youth,"

"Again, this is precise," Roddy looked beside himself with anticipation as he pressed onwards, "So we are taking suggestions for our final target practice- Let the legicacy die with valor in our name, and disgrace to our enemies, the same ideals the DEY we all know and adore was founded upon"

"I have an Idea," my thin pale hand shot up into the air, "I have a grand idea!"

"Of course you do, Bella," Severus half-tease, with an affectionate roll of his penetrating eyes, "Let's hear it then, if it's so bloody grand…"

*…..*

"Two more hours, we're free, Bella, free," Roddy smiled from the top of the astronomy tower, sparklers igniting in the dark midnight of his eyes, "We aren't bound by anything but our own fear anymore, and you and I, well, we left fear behind in days long ago…"

We kissed briefly, the grounds I knew as home a distant blur of forest, lake, and blowing blades of grass hundreds of feet below my wide eyes, "Goodbye, dear, dear, Hogwarts…"

"We have two more hours, my love," Roddy grinned, a coldness emanating in the sun of the spring sunlight, "Let's go out in style…."