IITS ch35

A/n: Let's learn a little more about Lonerward, shall we? Still with me? Good;)

EPOV

I tossed and turned all night long.

All I could imagine was that Bella would stomp out of my apartment, taking Kendall with her, never to speak to me again after I told her what a messed up freak I was.

I finally got out of bed around five-thirty and went for a run, hoping it would clear my head. As I ran I thought of all the possibilities of what Bella might say when I told her about my being left at the altar.

She could think that I was a loser.

She could think that I deserved to be left for wanting to live so simple.

As I made my way back to my house I thought about why I liked the idea of a simple life. My parents were well to do but never spoiled me or Jasper. We had always had to work or do chores to earn new things we wanted like a bike or video game.

They made our home modest and we both had second hand cars for our first ones. We also had to pay our insurance and upkeep on the vehicle we chose.

As my feet pounded the pavement, I thought about what Bella had told me about her home in Forks. It sounded enchanting to me to live in a small town where everyone knew your name and family. To run into people that actually greeted you or spoke to you in the line at the grocery store.

I guess the fact that I'd lost my parents at such a young age and been thrust into adulthood earlier than I should have been made me value the small things they had instilled in me.

Even though I had a trust fund, I chose a job that would pay me an above average wage so that I could afford to live comfortably, travel if I wanted to, enjoy time off with my family on vacations, provide for those I loved without fear of not having enough.

But, here I was at almost thirty with no prospects of the family that I had dreamt of. While I would love to have that with Bella and Kendall, I couldn't allow myself to hope for that because she'd made it clear that she wasn't available to me in that way.

As I ran up my driveway I felt the pangs of hurt in my heart at the thought of them leaving me.

I wanted them to be mine, but after tonight I might just ruin those chances, if I even had a chance in the first place.

Everything just felt way to complicated.

A/n: Oooooohhhhh if he only knew what was in store for him;(

See ya soon, Kyla