December 21st (same day)
Saint Brigid's Hospital, Emily's Point of View
My mind is a complete mess.
I mean, it has been ever since Melissa left. It's common knowledge that between me, her and Madison, she and I are closer siblings. For example: when Melissa was in middle school and half of the male population of the student body was chasing after her, especially the nerds, she didn't go to mum or Madison for help. She went to me. I have plenty of other stories to back that one up, but God… I miss my baby sister so much.
Then there's the part where Madison is also missing her. I know that they've grown closer since Melissa moved in with her, her husband Nicolas and the kids after our parents died. Madison has even mentioned that Melissa dotes on Ezekiel, Moses and Lucy like a second mother—but never hesitates to use the 'fun aunt' card to spoil them—and the kids think it's really cool that they have an aunt who lives with them. When Madison isn't sad about Melissa, the situation at their house is about as normal as things can get, really.
(Well, Melissa has her moments of when she flashes back to the last few days before the attack or back to the wretched event, itself... Other than that, things are normal, I swear!)
Poor Madison hasn't really been herself since Melissa left, and Nicolas told me that Madison had a major freak out a few hours after she was gone. Apparently, Madison had wondered (like I had) that maybe if she had loved Melissa a little bit more, she would have stayed home and not gone out to the streets with two blind companions to complete a quest for a dead woman she has no living memory of. Nicolas also told me that Madison eventually realized that if this had come up while our parents were still alive, they would have seen it as an honor and/or duty and still let her go, because honor and duty were two values that they had spent lots of time drilling into our heads over the years.
Madison came to terms with it. Eventually.
(Unfortunately, almost as soon as she did so, my sister started worrying about another matter altogether: Ezekiel and Moses' biological mother. Neither Nicolas nor Madison will talk about her, so I don't even know what her name is or what she does! When I asked my brother-in-law about why Madison was worrying about that, he wouldn't tell me, but after making sure that Madison wasn't paying attention, he told me that she's been this way since they've started trying for their fourth baby. I've tried to get my big sister to talk to be about it, but she stonewalls me whenever I try, so I'm just keeping my thoughts about it to myself until I know that my sister won't bite my head off)
Nicolas and Thomas have both tried to console Madison and me when we get sad about Melissa, but we're both so sad and miss her so much because she's our sister. With her wandering the city—God only knows where she is at the moment—it just feels like part of me is missing. There's no other way to describe it. Our husbands understand that, and have come to understand their roles as shoulders to cry on if we need it when we talk about Melissa.
Ever since the attack in the park, Madison and I have closed ranks around our little sister, to protect her and keep an eye on her, because it was the closest we could be as parents to her. But now she's gone… and everything feels… off balance.
Well, almost.
Right now, I'm thirty-eight weeks pregnant with my first child and in two weeks, I'll be exactly nine months along. (I'm due on January third, and I'm pretty excited because that's my birthday. If the baby comes the day afterward, that's just as good because that's Thomas' birthday) I found out a long time ago that the baby I'm carrying is a boy, but I sincerely hope that the next one is a girl because she might be a lot lighter and might not make me feel as if I'm carrying a fidgety bowling ball on my front side 24/7, like her brother has been doing.
Okay, so I know I just said that I'm fine with whenever the baby comes, but it just can't be today.
It's dad's birthday.
I miss him.
The opening of my on-call room door distracted me from being sad for too much longer, and I didn't even try to stop the newcomer from joining me and I'd been crying for so long that I didn't care who saw me, so imagine my relief when I saw that it was friend.
Juliana.
She looked tired, like she wanted to sleep, but when she saw me; she immediately hurried over and sat down beside me.
"What's the matter, sweetheart?" she cooed in her best mothering tone. "Please tell me."
I wiped my tears as I answered. "Everything has been so wrong since Melissa left with Jessica Rose and Gabriella, but right now, I'm just sad about today's date."
"What is the significance of December twenty-one for you?"
Sitting up, I wiped my tears again before moving my hands down to my whale of a stomach to massage it as the baby kicked me for the umpteenth time in one morning.
"Today is my dad's birthday, Juliana. I won't say how old he was, but he and mum were still very young by the time I came along. He would be a few years younger than Jim is."
Juliana raised an eyebrow. "Jim is in his early sixties, at the most. Your dad was young…"
I nodded in agreement. "My dad met mum when she moved back to South Africa for awhile and he was going to school away from his home in Sydney, Australia. Mum's parents were traditionalists who insisted that they start having kids young, like they did, because they believed that it would be a big shame if they didn't, so that's why both of my parents were young when they died. But I digress…"
Juliana responded, but I was kind of startled because something didn't seem right, and it wasn't just the fact that the baby was being obnoxious and kicking the crap out of me.
"Say again, please?" I asked her.
"I said that I know how you and your sisters feel during this time of year."
My eyes widened when I suddenly realized what the fluke was.
"Juliana Diamond!" I middle named her, and she flinched a little. "You just dropped your accent entirely!"
She had the guilty look about her that a kid gets when they're caught doing something they shouldn't be. "That's happened on occasion, but never in front of someone other than my husband or kids. I don't mean to, but I drop the accent when I'm really sad. This is how I sounded up when I was growing up in Canada."
Her statement had my curiosity and attention completely. See, I've known Juliana since I was an intern and she was my resident, but this was the first time that I've ever heard her speak with an accent other than the Hindi one that her husband has. It's very easy to forget that she's actually a native of Regina, Saskatchewan and not Chennai, India.
"I miss my family a lot during this time of year because today is my brother's birthday, and the twenty-third will be the anniversary of when Jalil and I got the news that my family had been killed in a random highway carjacking."
I suddenly remembered back to October when Juliana and I were visiting Jordan in the hospital with our friends and how we all ended up sharing some of our deepest and darkest secrets with each other. When we had all left, I walked away realizing that Juliana really understood the pain of going through a horrific loss like the one that my sisters and I experienced more than most people did. It made me respect her even more than I already had before that day.
"How old would your brother be today?" I wanted to know.
"He would be thirty, so he actually wouldn't be that much older than you."
"What was his name?"
Juliana smiled. "You're going to like this one: my little brother's name was Thomas."
"That's a great name," I praised, thinking of my husband. "And I think my Thomas will be interested to find that out later."
"Shall I tell you about my parents and sister, too?"
"Yes, please."
Juliana is private about her past, but that's because she was very close to her family and she was even more traumatized than I was when I lost my own parents. The fact that she was willing to talk about her whole family was a pretty big deal.
"My dad was also named Thomas, but his full name was Thomas Kendrick Major."
"Was your brother called Thomas Kendrick Major, Junior?"
She shook her head and laughed. "No, because it doesn't flow. Tommy's full name was Thomas Kendrick Major the Second and he was all about playing sports. Hockey was his favorite."
"What did your dad do?"
"Dad was an aerospace engineer, a rocket scientist, and he loved it. He even told me once that he thought it was funny that his doctorate made his name into Doctor Major."
She snickered at the memory of her father's professional title before moving on.
"My mother's name was Diamond Mercedes Major, but before she married my dad, her name was Diamond Cross. Her name was whimsical, too." She smiled a little. "Mother worked at an antique bookstore, and she also loved every minute of her job. If she had met my children, I think that she would have been tickled to realize that Parvati inherited some of her looks, as well as the fascination for antiques—books, in particular. Mother and Parvati would have been two peas in a pod."
In my family, it was Melissa and mum who had been two peas in a pod because Melissa looks like mum's mini carbon copy, and the two of them shared a birthday.
Speaking of siblings…
"Now I know that your brother's name was Thomas because he was named after your dad, but what about your sister? What was her name? How old would she be?"
"My sister was a year younger than Tommy, so she would have just turned twenty-nine."
"She'd be my age…" I realized.
"Yes." My friend nodded. "My sister's name was Mariah Chantal Major, and she wanted to help little kids who were disabled, like she was."
I wanted to ask what Mariah's disability had been, but I wasn't sure how to ask politely.
"Mariah had spina bifida, Emily, but she never let that kept her from pursuing her dreams for herself. 'Dream big, Ana!' she would tell me. 'If I can dream big even though I can't walk right, I know you can dream big because there is nothin' stoppin' you!' Mariah was a darling, and she's why Sonali's full name is Sonali Mariah Singh."
I just nodded because at the moment, I was more surprised that the baby still hadn't stopped moving. He likes to kick me for awhile sometimes, but it would normally be done by now.
But I did have Braxton-Hicks contractions a few days ago, but I realized right away that it had been a false alarm…
I don't think I'll be able to handle it emotionally if I went into labor and had the baby today…
Even with Thomas there.
"Are you okay?" Juliana asked cautiously, her Canadian accent even more apparent now. "You look uncomfortable."
"I'm fine, Jules." I reassured her. "It's not Braxton-Hicks contractions, like it was the other day, and you know I'd tell you if was."
"That's true…"
"Please continue."
Satisfied that I was okay for the time being, the dark-skinned woman continued. "All in all, I understand as well as you and your sisters do about going through that kind of loss. I still have nightmares about finding out."
She took a deep breath and slowly let it out.
"My parents fell on hard times right before... it happened, and if not for the fact that they weren't able to afford me a ticket to come back to Saskatchewan for Christmas, I would have died that night, too."
"Then I—oh! Did you hear that, Juliana?"
She immediately slipped back into doctor mode, and I noticed that her normal accent returned, too.
"You mean that noise that sounded like a cork popping out of a bottle? Yes. Emily, you're in labor, and you've been having contractions again, but it's real this time!"
"No!" I insisted, immediately feeling the fear that I'd seen all first time mothers get in the delivery room. "Not now, not today! No!"
To add insult to injury, the amniotic fluid had started soaking the front of my scrubs, making it look like I had accidentally peed in my pants, meaning that my water had broken and that I couldn't be in denial for too long. I felt my face flush red immediately, and I began crying.
"It's still two weeks too early!"
Juliana stroked the side of my face in a motherly way, responding to my fear in a soothing voice. "All babies choose their own time to come, you know. I've heard you say that to mothers in your position many times. When I was pregnant with Sonali, she was a week late before my water broke."
"What about Parvati and Raja?"
"Parvati was right on time, and Raja was two weeks early, just like your little guy is." She gestured towards my belly, which was already becoming as hard as a rock. "But guess what? All three of my children turned out perfectly fine, and when Jalil and I saw them for the first time, our hearts began overflowing with love and that's never stopped once. You're going to be in perfect hands because I'm going to be with you the whole time."
"But Thomas isn't here!" I cringed as a contraction hit me. "He's just coming off an eight hour surgery!"
When Thomas and I last spoke, he was just about go into an intense (and somewhat daunting) surgery to repair a four-year-old girl's damaged blood vessels.
"I know that, sweetheart, and I'll have somebody page him. We just need to worry about getting you into Labor and Delivery right now."
My friend stood and pulled me to my feet, supporting me as my legs involuntarily buckled from the force of another contraction. As had been the case with mum's and Madison's labors and deliveries, my own body was already working double time for a very fast delivery. Nobody really knows why, but fast labors just happen to occur in my family.
"All of the baby stuff is at home, in a bag by the front door! We aren't even ready!"
"I'll call Madison when this is all done and have her bring it before she brings her family to come see the newest member, okay?"
I nodded in resignation and let her guide me out into the corridor, whereupon she found me a vacant wheelchair and helped me to sit in it while the pain was growing. Thanks to a childhood accident that led to me getting the bones in my right leg surgically repaired, I've always had a low tolerance for pain.
"And really," She continued. "Your son couldn't have picked a better place to make his world debut. You're in the best hospital in Manhattan where many of the babies whose deliveries you don't oversee are overseen by Amaya or myself, and it's public knowledge that after you, Amaya and I are the best at what we do."
I nodded again, but my voice was becoming dulled by the pain. "Okay, Jules. Can we go now? I really don't know how much longer I'll be able to handle this."
The older woman made a sympathetic noise and began pushing me towards the Labor and Delivery wing. Everybody who passed by us gave us a wide berth.
The next twenty minutes were a blur, but I was aware of Juliana helping me change into a paper gown and guiding me onto a birthing bed. What brought me back to full awareness was that the epidural drugs hadn't been administered yet.
"What the hell, Juliana?" I seethed through the pain. "I'm supposed to have an epidural right now!"
She was currently braiding my long hair back so it wasn't hanging in my face. "I'm very aware of your birthing plan, seeing as I've been monitoring your pregnancy from the start! I just checked on your progress, and guess what? It's almost time to push because you're almost fully dilated right now!"
"That means that I was already in labor while we were talking!" I cried in bewilderment. "I was actually in labor before my water broke, and I didn't even realize it? What kind of doctor am I?"
Juliana tried to soothe me, but I wasn't listening.
"WHERE THE HELL IS THOMAS? I NEED HIM!"
The words had barely left my mouth when the man in question burst into the room, and an overwhelming sense of relief came upon me, just at the sight of him. (It didn't even matter to me that he looked dead on his feet and was probably running on excitement and adrenaline) Thomas hurried over and kissed me on the lips before touching his forehead to mine.
"Here I am, Em." He said calmly. "There's no way that I'm going to miss anything right now."
"But Thomas, our boy is two weeks early! Can't we wait? I want to wait!"
My husband kissed me again. "It's all going to be okay, and everything is going to go smoothly."
"What if it doesn't?"
"That's just the hysterics talking, my darling, but you know that after everything that's happened to us in the past few years, that it's more than proved that I'll do anything for you to support you when you're scared and that I'll be standing by your side for the rest of our lives for the rest of our lives."
(I can't really argue with that logic now, can I?)
I was about to respond, but was distracted when Juliana was arranging my legs in the bed stirrups, and that's when I realized that the contractions were right on top of each other, giving me the strong urge to push.
(My baby was coming, whether I appreciated his timing or not)
Juliana didn't even have to tell me what to do because I was letting my instincts take over.
After thirty minutes of pushing time (which included delivering the placenta), I was very exhausted, but it was all worth it because our baby, our son, had been born into the world, and we couldn't have been any happier about it.
Several hours later, 5:15 PM
After Madison, who had been very surprised to learn that she had a new nephew, had come for a visit with her family and brought our baby supply bag with her, I was more than ready for a nap, and so was the baby. (Thomas had been asleep on a cot next to my bed the moment I told him that our boy was going to be fine if he got some shut-eye) The birth had happened earlier in the day, but now we were all awake, happy and refreshed.
We were pleasantly surprised to see Juliana come back, but this time, she was shepherding a flock of pint-sized visitors, all of whom looked nervous, but also determined to come for a visit without adult help. Thomas and I watched as Juliana gave Ezekiel, Moses, Raja and LJ a gentle nudge forward from the door frame. I didn't fail to notice that Raja had a brightly colored package in his little hands that he was fidgeting with while Ezekiel broke the ice and addressed my husband.
"Tío Thomas, it's okay that me an' Mo an' Raja an' my Lily Joy come for a visit, right?"
"We'll be quiet." Ezekiel added with complete sincerity. "We'll be quiet like we were when Mama had Lucy."
I watched as Ezekiel elbowed Raja and LJ, both of whom quickly nodded in agreement. Thomas was working hard to keep from laughing at how endearing and serious the little kids were being.
"Yes, it's okay that you all come for a visit, Zeke. Tía Emmy and I appreciate that you're all making such a big effort to be quiet."
LJ cast a glance at the baby and me for a second, like she was trying to figure out before she turned back to Thomas.
"What is the baby's name?"
"The baby's name is Dashiell Thomas Ryan." My husband answered proudly.
All four of the kids reacted at the same time.
"Our cousin is a boy…" the twins breathed in awe.
"Dashiell is a cool name." Raja said to nobody in particular. "We're gonna call him 'Dash' for a nickname."
LJ also wasn't addressing any specific person in the room. "I'll keep an eye on Dash when he gets bigger… but only if Raja an' maybe even his Jub'lation don't beat me to it…"
"Hey, you four," I called softly to the little kids. "How about you come see baby Dash? I think he wants to say hello."
Kind of awestruck, the four of them made their way over to the bed, whereupon Thomas came over and boosted them up onto the bed. They lined themselves up like ducks in a row, with LJ and Zeke sitting in the middle.
"Come on, sillies." I smiled at them encouragingly. "Dash doesn't bite."
Ezekiel giggled. "That's 'cause he's brand new! He doesn't even have teeth yet!"
"It tooked Lucy-boo a long time to get teeth." Moses recalled, but the next words came with a shudder. "She bited me when Tía Missy was babysitting us, an' that's how we knew she gotted her first tooth. There's still a scar on my finger, I think."
LJ leaned forward to examine the baby a little more. Not too much of Dashiell was visible because he was mostly wrapped up in one of the handmade blankets that Amaya was so fond of making for all of the babies born into our 'family,' but his face and arms were free.
"Tía Emmy," LJ said softly. "Dash is really, really cute. All of him is cute, and he's got brown hair, like Tío Thomas does. What color are his eyes?"
"He opened them for a little bit earlier, and we saw that they're blue."
"Mine are blue, like my mommy's were..."
"That's true." I recalled, remembering some of Meredith's films and noting that her eyes had been bright blue. "Your mommy's eyes were very, very blue, weren't they?"
She nodded slowly. "Uh-huh. Mama tolded me that when she was a baby, her eyes were blue, but then they became green-ish later. Do you think Dash's eyes will change their color?"
I shrugged. "Maybe, but why don't we see what Raja has in that package he's holding?"
LJ looked over to the boy in question, as did both of my nephews. Flustered by all of the sudden attention, Raja offered the package first to me out of politeness, and then when he realized that my hands were full with holding Dash, he offered it to Thomas, who in turn let the little boy open it.
Raja made quick work of unwrapping the paper—although 'demolishing' would have been a better word—but when he was done, he produced a beautiful stuffed peregrine falcon toy and showed it to me for inspection.
"I call him Spade, like from The Maltese Falcon. Do you know it?"
I nodded. "I do, and so does Tío Thomas. Guess what, Raja?"
"What?" he asked breathlessly.
"We named Dash after the book's author, Dashiell Hammet."
His eyes went round, obviously recognizing the name. "Wow! What an honor!"
At this time, I saw that LJ, Ezekiel and Moses were all drawing blanks because they didn't know what Raja and I were talking about. Juliana, watching from the doorway, was doing her best to suppress her amusement at mine and Thomas' surprise that Raja knew anything about such a great classic.
"How do you know the story?" I asked curiously.
Raja laughed a little. "Maa and Papa have copies in English and Hindi. They even have the movie with Humphrey Bogart and Mary Astor. Plus, you know what, Tía Emmy?"
Like Juliana, I suppressed my laughter at the little boy's enthusiasm. "What's that, Raja?"
"Maa just gave Soanli and Parvati copies of The Maltese Falcon in their other language that they speak, French! Do you speak something besides English?"
I nodded again. "Yes, but we'll save that answer for another day, okay?"
Raja sighed heavily. "Okay, okay… May I give Spade to Dash now?"
"Yes, you may."
Dash was aware of the fluffy thing right next to him, but his first reaction was to sneeze violently because he had accidentally gotten too close to the bird. After Thomas and I comforted and soothed our boy, I let Raja move Dash's hand so that it was touching the feathers, and after a few minutes, Dash seemed to have snuggled up to the toy, making it clear that he liked it. Raja was beside himself with joy about that.
All four of our little visitors took it in turn to kiss Dash or give him a little cuddle, and the scene just made my heart melt, like it had when Thomas and I set eyes on Dash for the first time. He wasn't even twelve hours old yet, but I knew that with Raja Singh, Ezekiel and Moses Álvarez, and even Lily Joy Beckett-Castle watching over him from Day One, he was going to be set for life.
The rate at which most of you review is kind of down heartening…. I know one of you cares, but real life is working you over, but what about everyone else? It's not exactly encouraging to get something like two or the reviews per chapter after I work so hard on them… Why don't you all make this author happy by pressing that little review button down there for me?