Disclaimer:
I don't own The Big Bang Theory.
Chapter 34:
It was 9:00 pm when Amy woke up. She looked over at Sheldon who still held her tight and smiled softly to herself. She was so grateful that she accepted his offer to accompany her. every year she was there it was so lonely even though she met Noah, but at the end of the day she went to her hotel room and was alone there, except for those two or three times her mom came as well, but it wasn't the same.
Sometimes she craved for company that wasn't her mother… she craved for the hug of a partner… she craved for the feelings of comfort and safety that came only when you find the right person that you know you can trust that person with your life… like she felt this year… wrapped up in Sheldon's arms who hugged her tightly.
She slowly and gently detached from Sheldon, hoping she did not wake him up and quietly put on her glasses and went to the small coffee station in the room and made herself some tea and grabbed the cup and went to sit at the table next to the window.
She sat in the chair facing the bed and looked at a sleeping Sheldon and smiled to herself and thanked the universe or whatever force that it was that brought him into her life. She never thought much about who made things happened in her life, but in that moment, she suddenly felt that this, bringing Sheldon into her life, was her father's doing. She never really believed in those kinds of things, but sometimes she took great comfort in the thought that her dad might be watching over her and maybe it was his doing that she and Sheldon met.
"Thanks dad." She whispered as she looked at the skies of New York from the window and saw the blue lights in the skies that symbolized the Twin Towers. She smiled a small smile at the skies and rose her tea cup in honor of her father before she took a sip from her tea.
Amy sat in the chair a while longer as she finished drinking her tea and switched her gaze from Sheldon to the skies. She was grateful that Sheldon was here with her, especially this year after everything she's been through.
After Amy finished drinking her tea, she quietly went to wash the mug and let it dry in the coffee station. She then went to brush her teeth and quietly got back to bed, trying not to wake Sheldon up, but this she wasn't successful and Sheldon stirred and turned to face her.
"Hey." He said with a sleepy voice and blinked at her.
"Hey." Amy whispered.
"How are you? What time is it?" Sheldon asked softly as he looked around and saw that it's dark outside and that he's still wearing the clothes from this morning.
"It's around 9:15 pm." Amy said and looked at her phone to confirm the time.
"And I'm better. Thanks. Sorry for waking you up." Amy said softly as she put her hand on his cheek and caressed him gently.
"It's okay. I'm glad you did. I'll take a shower and come back to bed quickly." Sheldon said as her caressed Amy's hand that was on his cheek. He kissed her palm and went to take a shower and changed to his pajamas.
They haven't eaten since they ate at the pub earlier today, but neither one of them was hungry. They were both so tired and just wanted to keep on sleeping.
When Sheldon came back to the bedroom he stopped for a few moments as he saw the blue lights in the skies that lighted the skies of New York every year since the attacks. He looked at the lights and smiled a sad smile and nodded his head, as if he is looking at Amy's father. He silently promised him that he will take good care of his daughter and he won't let anything bad happen to her.
When Sheldon came back to the bed, he looked at Amy and she seemed to be sleeping, so he entered the bed quietly and gently wrapped his arms around Amy from behind.
As he did so, Amy stirred and turned in his arms to face him and smiled at him softly.
"I thought you fell asleep." Sheldon said quietly and kissed Amy's forehead.
"I will probably fall back asleep soon. I'm exhausted, but I wanted to wait for you." Amy said sheepishly.
"Why?" Sheldon asked as he looked into her eyes.
"Because I wanted to thank you again for coming here with me. You have no idea how much it means to me. every year that I came here I was alone… I mean I met Noah, but it was only on the day of the ceremony, nothing beyond… and I always stayed a few days so the entire stay I was on my own and it was always lonely. I love being by myself, don't get me wrong, but there are times that I needed this… what we have now and I never had it or felt that it's right to bring someone here… but now… this time… it's different… it felt right… it feels right and I can't thank you enough for being here." Amy said with emotion as she snuggled into Sheldon who was caught off guard at her confession.
Sheldon huggd Amy tightly and they were lying in bed in silence for a while, until Sheldon broke it as he detached from Amy a little and gently lifted her chin so she'd look at him.
"There is no other place I would rather be." Sheldon said with emotion and kissed Amy soundly.
"I love you, Amy. You don't know how much I love you." Sheldon said as they broke the kiss and he once again wrapped his arms around her in a tight hug.
"I love you too, Sheldon. I think I do know…" Amy said as tears rolled down her face.
"How?" Sheldon asked quietly as he wiped her tears.
"Because if it's anything like the way I feel about you then it's something you can't put the right words to describe it… even the word 'love' seems too small to describe the magnitude of how I feel for you." Amy explained and Sheldon was shocked at the accuracy that Amy described how he feels for her.
Sometimes the magnitude of his feelings for her couldn't be described in words… in any language and the word 'love' didn't really captured the essence of his feelings for Amy… it was more than love… and it scared him sometimes, but he knew he would rather be scared of how he feels for Amy than being without her.
"How is it that you know how to describe my feelings so well?" Sheldon said with a sigh and hugged her once more and Amy just chuckled into his shirt.
"I know what I feel and I know how to describe what I feel… the fact that you feel the same way is a happy coincidence." Amy said and kissed him on his chest, close to his heart and wrapped her free arm around him.
"I can't think of anyone else I'd want here with me right now, Sheldon. not even my mother…" Amy said.
She lifted her head for one last kiss.
"Goodnight, Sheldon. I love you." Amy whispered.
"I love you too. Goodnight Amy." Sheldon whispered back and they fell asleep hugging each other.
It was 6:30 in the morning when Sheldon woke up and the sun started to rise in the skies. He was now facing the window and he could see the sunrise and that the lights from yesterday were now turned off or at least he couldn't see it in the daylight.
He turned his head to look at Amy, who was sleeping deeply on her stomach, facing the door of their room. As he looked at her memories from yesterday came floating back; memories from the ceremony, from the time they spent with Noah and Wyatt and from when he woke up and Amy thanked him for being here with her.
He never thought he could love someone more than he loved his mother or his Meemaw, but Amy changed everything and the love he feels for her grew with every passing day, and each day he felt the depth of it he was overwhelmed by it all over again.
This is exactly how he felt right now, as he looked at Amy's sleeping form and hoped that her sleep was calm and soothing after such an intense day. he turned on his side and faced Amy now and carefully wrapped his arm around her waist and softly kissed her arm that was under the pillow and closer to him.
Sheldon wasn't one to thank imaginary deities about things that happened in his life, but from now and again he did so, and right now he felt the need to do the same. He thanked whatever deity or force in the universe that Amy trusted him enough and felt comfortable to allow him to come to New York with her and to be here for her at this day that meant so much to her.
Yesterday made Sheldon realize something he felt that he already knew deep inside; that he wants to be by Amy's side whenever she'll need him. he only hoped that they won't have to go through many sad or bad moments together, because he felt that they had their fair share with unpleasant moments, but he also knew that whatever will come he'll be there for her.
Sheldon absentmindedly caressed Amy's waist with his thumb as he pondered about his realization and started to calculate in his head how he'll be by Amy side whenever she'll need him if they work in different universities and live in different cities, though not so far away from each other… he still felt it wasn't enough for him.
And then it struck him… was he… did he… Sheldon Cooper… the person who thought he was above love and a romantic relationship… was seriously thinking about… about moving in with his girlfriend?!
No… that can't be it… Sheldon shook his head, but then he thought about it again… about waking up with her by his side every morning… about feeling her warm body next to him as he goes to sleep and wakes up… about kissing her good morning and goodnight every day…
It made him panic… yes… being with her every day like this. To be at such close proximity with her every day… there were still a lot of things he didn't know about her… that she didn't know about him…
Yes… it made him panic, but at the same time it made him feel complete, whole, safe, at peace… at home.
He still needed time to process everything and think about everything. He felt it was still too early for that step and he knew it's a decision they must do together, but the fact he got to that point made him feel good, because for once in his life he felt that he is absolutely sure about something.
Yes, he was sure about his researches for the majority of the times, about his intelligence, about his love for comic books, his love for his spot, his love for his mom and Meemaw, but it wasn't the same and he knew it. he never felt as complete as he felt since Amy came into his life.
As he kept thinking about the possibilities of moving in with Amy, he got closer to her and gently pulled her closer to him in a warm hug, hoping he didn't wake her up, a thing that blew up in his face a few seconds later.
"Mmmm…" Amy whined softly.
"Shh… I didn't mean to wake you up. Go back to sleep." Sheldon whispered as he loosened his hold on her and kissed the top of her head.
"Then why did you?" Amy turned on her side and faced him but kept her eyes shut and snuggled closer to him, pulling the blanket over her head to hide from the rays of the sun, and Sheldon just smiled at the sight of Amy under the covers, snuggled to his chest and couldn't help himself and hugged her tighter.
"I'm sorry… do you want me to close the drapes?" Sheldon whispered to the blanket.
"No." Amy said in a sleepy voice from under the blanket.
Sheldon just chuckled softly and tried to fall back asleep, when Amy pulled hear head from under the blanket.
"Hello…" Sheldon said softly when Amy looked at him with sleepy eyes.
"Hey…" she said shyly.
"You really don't like to be hugged or kissed while you are sleeping. I need to remember that…" Sheldon said as he looked at his sleepy girlfriend.
"Well yeah… but it's better than wake up to the sound of screaming kids or to the doctors, for that matter." Amy said with a soft smile.
"Screaming kids?" Sheldon wondered and looked at her suspiciously.
"A few years ago, I've had neighbors right above my apartment and they had little kids and those kids screamed and made noise and so were the parents. And not in an abusive way or something, that's just how they were. A lot of tenants complained about them, but it didn't really help. It helped for a few days, a week tops and then they returned to their habits. Eventually they moved from our building 3 years ago. I heard they bought a house in San Francisco. At least they have more room to raise their kids and I have my silent mornings back." Amy said with a yawn.
"Did they constantly make noise?" Sheldon wondered.
"Not every day, but enough times for the neighbors to complain. I myself complained once or twice, but I think others complained far more times and much more consistently." Amy said as she remembered her noisy neighbors and was so glad that the neighbors who came after them were much quieter and she could sleep in on weekends if she desired to do so.
As she pondered that she tightened her grip on the blanket and snuggled into Sheldon some more.
"Hey… I'll end up falling out of the bed." He said with a chuckle.
"You get what you deserve." Amy said with a mischievous voice and looked at him and wiggled her eyebrows at him, but soon wrapped her arm around his waist and hugged him tightly.
She looked up to Sheldon and smiled at him.
"Good morning." She said sweetly and before Sheldon responded she kissed him deeply.
"Good morning indeed." Sheldon whispered once they broke the kiss.
"So… what do you want to do today?" Sheldon asked Amy.
"First I'd like to take a shower and go and eat. Then I thought we could… um…" Amy faltered.
"What is it?" Sheldon asked softly as he moved some hairs from her face.
"I thought I'd show some of the places I go to when I'm here." Amy said with a shy voice and Sheldon was caught off guard at her plan.
"But we don't have to… we can come back to the room and look for – " but Sheldon stopped her rambling with a kiss on her cheek.
"I'd love to see those places." Sheldon said as he looked deep into her eyes.
"Thanks." Amy whispered and lowered her eyes for a few moments.
"In any case I'd like to come back to the room at some point to rest before we need to head out for dinner with Noah and Wyatt." Amy added a few moments later with a soft smile.
"Of course." Sheldon smiled back at her and kissed her on the lips.
The kiss got deeper and deeper and soon Sheldon grabbed Amy by her waist and rolled them so she would be on top of him.
"Or… we… could… stay… here…" Sheldon said between kisses.
"Don't tempt me…" Amy said with such seriousness that made Sheldon shiver under her.
"Um…" Sheldon cleared his throat.
"W-would… um… do you want to go and take a shower?" Sheldon croaked as he felt his hard member starting to come to life and he hoped that Amy didn't feel it.
"Yes. I think I will." Amy pecked Sheldon on the lips and carefully rose from him and went out of the bed towards her suitcase.
She took out her essentials and went to the bathroom and relieved her bladder. She could see that Sheldon was hoping she didn't feel him but she felt him, and it made her want him. she still wanted to wait a day or two, since it was too close to her father's death anniversary, but she wanted to be intimate with Sheldon in other ways. She needed to be intimate with him.
While Amy was in the shower, Sheldon calmed himself down. he knew he could hold himself back… he couldn't understand why it was so hard to hold back all of a sudden.
As he pondered that question as he laid in the bed, Amy came back to the room and sat next to him and could barely look at him.
"Hey…" Sheldon sat up when she didn't made move or uttered a word for a few moments.
"Is everything alright?" Sheldon asked her as he put his hand on her back gently.
"Yes. Yes… I was just wondering…" Amy started and Sheldon waited for her to continue. She took a deep breath and let it out noisily.
"I don't know why I'm so uncomfortable asking you this… it's not like we haven't done things before…" Amy mumbled more to herself than to Sheldon.
"What is it Amy?" Sheldon asked her.
"Would you like to take a shower with me?" Amy asked shyly.
"A shower?" Sheldon asked confused. He didn't understand why she was so nervous about asking him to take a shower together.
"Yeah. Just a shower. I… I want us to be intimate in another way…" Amy said quietly.
"I don't understand." Sheldon was now more confused and Amy sighed. She was making things too complicated.
"I… I need to be close to you… I need to be intimate with you without the physical act. For now, and I feel that taking a shower together will achieve that goal." Amy said and Sheldon nodded in understanding.
He got out of bed and took his things to the shower. He asked Amy to wait a few moments as he relieved his bladder as well, and then he told her she could come in.
They stood in the bathroom for a few moments, glancing at each other when finally, Amy turned around with her back to Sheldon, and Sheldon did the same as she did and they took off their clothes.
For some reason, they felt embarrassed to take off their clothes in front of each other, even though they were far more intimate than now and saw each other without clothes.
Amy in particular always felt embarrassed about her body because of her scars. They knew when the other finished undressing, but they still stood in the bathroom with their backs facing the other.
Amy bend crouched and grabbed her clothing items and put them on the counter next to the sink, but still didn't turn around to look at Sheldon.
Sheldon's clothes on the other hand were already on his side of the counter and he stood in the bathroom facing the wall a few more moments, before he turned around to face Amy.
Sheldon walked the short distance to Amy and touched her shoulder lightly, and Amy gasped as she saw her boyfriend bare form in front of her.
"Are you alright?" Sheldon asked softly and Amy nodded and covered herself with her arms.
"Yes." she said with a soft smile, but the fact that Amy covered herself didn't escaped from Sheldon's eyes, and he gently pulled her closer to him and wrapped his arms around her body in a tight hug.
He didn't say anything, just hugged her tight for a few moments, trying with all his might showing her how much he loves every single thing about her. When Sheldon felt it's getting too cold, he pulled back a little and looked at Amy.
"Shall we get into the shower?" He asked her softly.
"Yes." Amy said.
Sheldon entered the shower first and turned on the water and made sure that the temperature wasn't too cold or too hot for them. he tuned the water to a slightly hotter temperature than he normally uses in the shower because he learned by now that Amy loves her showers hot and on top of that it was a little cold in the bathroom and in New York in general.
Once Sheldon made sure the water was in the right temperature for both himself and for Amy, he reached out his hand for Amy to help her getting into the shower.
Amy took Sheldon's hand and carefully entered the shower. Once they were both under the hot water, they took each other's naked forms in and once they locked eyes with each other the smiled softly at each other.
Sheldon could tell that Amy was still nervous about being naked next to him, so he gently and carefully got closer to her and reached for her left hip and started to gently caressing her newest scar with his thumb. The scar that was added to her body six months ago, when she went through her surgery.
Amy looked down at Sheldon's hand as she felt him caressing her scar from her surgery and then looked up at Sheldon with wide eyes and Sheldon cupped Amy's cheek with his free hand.
"You are gorgeous Amy. Inside and out… and I love you. all of you… every single thing about you… even the parts that you don't like about yourself, because I can see that you are working on improving yourself every single day, and that's one of the many reasons I love you and why I love the parts of you that you don't." Sheldon said with emotion and bent a little and captured Amy's lips in a passionate kiss. Amy didn't take long to react to Sheldon's lips and she melted into the kiss in split second and wrapped her arms around Sheldon's broad back the same time he brought her closer to him in a tight hug.
"I love you so much Sheldon," was the only thing that Amy could say as they broke their kiss and tears rolled down her face. Amy lowered her arms to Sheldon's waist and kept hugging him as he kissed her forehead tenderly.
"I love you too." Sheldon said back.
They stood there in quiet, as the hot water ran over them. after what seemed like and hour, Sheldon disentangled from their embrace and took the bottle of shampoo and put some of it in his hand. He then put the bottle aside and then put his palm with the shampoo in the water to warm it up a little and then rubbed his palms together.
"Turn around." Sheldon asked of Amy softly before he started to shampoo her hair gently. Once she was with her back to him, Sheldon started to massage Amy's head gently, running his fingers through her silky hair.
Amy closed her eyes and relished the sensation of Sheldon running his fingers through her hair with such tenderness and care.
Once he finished shampooing her hair, Sheldon rinsed the shampoo off her hair carefully, trying to avoid getting shampoo in her eyes.
Once he was finished with the shampoo, Sheldon took the bottle of conditioner and repeated the same process he did with the shampoo.
"Stay with your back to me." Sheldon ordered softly to Amy as he saw her starting to turn around to him and once again, he started to massage her hair with the conditioner, making sure he's washing her hair thoroughly. Once Sheldon rinsed the conditioner off Amy's hair, she turned around carefully before Sheldon could say anything.
She looked at him for a moment and then carefully reached for the shampoo and put some of it in her hand and then laid the bottle in its place. she rubbed her palms together and without her saying a word, Sheldon lowered his head for her to shampoo his hair.
Amy carefully and gently ran her fingers through Sheldon's hair and tried to reach every inch of his hair. She wasn't sure she did, but she tried her best. She then rinsed the shampoo off of his har carefully, shielding his eyes in the process. She then repeated the same process with the conditioner.
Once Amy finished washing Sheldon's hair, they stood under the water in silence contemplating how to proceed from that point. Sheldon was the one who reacted first and grabbed the bottle of the body wash and put some of it in his palm and then made a gesture towards Amy's hands and she reached her palms out as he put some body wash in her palms.
They rubbed their palms and started to wash the other's body carefully, gently, as if they are exploring each other's bodies for the very first time and with each caress on the other's body they moved closer to each other.
Amy carefully ran her hands over Sheldon's biceps and chest, slowly getting to his abdomen, while Sheldon carefully did the same. They touched each other in the most intimate way, but without any sexual intentions whatsoever. Once Sheldon finished washing her abdomen, Amy washed him carefully and then crouched down to wash his legs, not once looking at him. Once she stood back up, Sheldon washed her carefully as well and then crouched down as well to wash her legs. When Sheldon stood back up, they were so close to each other that you could barely fit a paper between them.
Without a word, Sheldon wrapped his arms around Amy and she wrapped her arms around his waist in returns. Carefully, Sheldon brought them under the running water, to rinse the soap off of them.
They stood under the water for a while, hugging each other, until the water started to get cold.
"I think it's time to get out." Amy said quietly into Sheldon's chest and he nodded his head.
They disentangled from each other and rinsed off what left of the body wash and stepped outside of the shower.
Amy handed Sheldon a towel and he took it from her with a soft smile and started to dry himself up and then he wrapped it around his waist while she wrapped her own towel over her shoulders and held it together from the front, kind of like a cape.
When Sheldon made sure his towel won't fall off, he went to Amy and wrapped his arms around her from behind, trying to keep her warm.
Once Amy felt Sheldon wrapped around her, she leaned back, into his chest and sighed heavily.
"Is everything okay?" Sheldon asked as he lowered his head a little and kissed Amy's cheek.
"Yeah… it's just that…" Amy faltered. Like every other time that Sheldon saw her bare body, she felt insecure about herself, but this time it was stronger than other times.
"Hey… what is it?" Sheldon asked softly, caressing her abdomen gently.
"Well… you said something earlier, that made me wonder…" Amy said and started to detach from Sheldon so she could dry herself and wear her undergarments and start getting ready for the day.
"What did I say?" Sheldon wondered as he looked after Amy.
"That you love the parts of me that I don't…" Amy said as she dried her hair.
"Well… I do." Sheldon said and grabbed his underwear and put them on and then hung his towel to try.
"But… how… um… not how, just… doesn't it bother you? aren't you going to run away because of it?" Amy whispered.
"Because of what?" Sheldon asked her with fear in his voice.
"This… my scars… my other issues that I have… some of them you just heard of and I hope you won't ever get to see in person…" Amy said quietly.
"Look… I'll be honest…" Sheldon came closer to her and Amy swallowed the lump in her throat.
Here it comes… I knew it will scare him off eventually. Amy prepared herself.
"At first… well… I was a bit scared because wounds in general is something, I stay clear of, but once you explained to me that its like that from a young age and you don't know why it's like that, you made me understand that it's not something that you can control… that it's something you are battling with. I know for myself that I had and still have to work hard regarding some of my own issues, but back to you, it was never a reason for me to leave you; not your scars or your other issues. Does those things bother me? not really… Something inside of me just wanted to help you through this… I still want to help you… if you'll allow me. If we have met 8 or 10 years ago, things may have been different, but right now I can't think of a single reason not to be with you, and I don't want to. I love you too much and we've been through a lot for me to give up what we have. Amy, I… I really can't imagine my life without you anymore, and I don't want to…" Sheldon said with so much reverence that it brought tears to his eyes, as well as to Amy's.
"I… I can't imagine my life without you either Sheldon… and I promise I will allow you to help me… and promise me that you'll allow me to help you if you need me to." Amy said as she wrapped her arms around Sheldon's waist and buried her face in his chest.
"I promise and I promise you I'll be by your side. I promise." Sheldon said with emotion as he hugged Amy tight and kissed the top of her head.
"I see your battles Amy. I maybe not aware of everyone else's feelings, but I am aware of yours and I can see that whatever is causing you to pick your skin or questioning yourself so much, is affecting you and that there are times you accepts it and that there are other times you fight it, and I see it when it happens and when it affects you, and I want to be there for you… so whenever you need me just tell me." Sheldon pleaded and Amy nodded her head.
"I will." Amy said quietly and kissed Sheldon's chest.
They stood there for a while longer before Amy looked at Sheldon with a soft smile.
"I think we should get ready." Amy said quietly.
"Yeah… alright." Sheldon relented and they started to get ready for the day. once they were dressed up, they went to have a nice breakfast before stating to walk around New York.
Sheldon normally didn't like to walk aimlessly in places he didn't really know, but this time it was different. He knew that the purpose of this walk was to get to know more about Amy, and that is something he really looked forward to.
A/N:
I know that this chapter revolved around one particular thing, but the more I've written the more I've decided it would be a good chapter on its own that will help me achieve the deep connection I want Sheldon and Amy to have.
I plan on writing about the dinner at Noah and Wyatt, as well as the walk around New York, in the next chapter.
I hope you enjoyed it and I would love to read you reviews.