"We have to destroy those ladders," said Jake as he sliced through the torso of a zombie.
"There's too many," said Zack, breathing heavily, "We can only retreat now." As he spoke, he nearly tripped on the still squirming body of a zombie moose that Abbey had beheaded earlier.
"No, guys, look!" said Brian. The Trojan warrior came running up to them, triumphantly holding a Star Destroyer he had found in a spaceship shop. "We'll just fly down and blow up the ladder store. Problem solved!"
"Wow, that's a great idea!" said Zack, "Uh, how do you drive that thing?"
"I have no idea," replied Brian, "But I'm sure I'll figure it out at some point. Come on in guys!"
The eight of them all jumped into the Star Destroyer. Brain sat in the cockpit, started the engine, and with a mighty roar, the enormous vehicle rose into the air.
"Go forward over the railing and then down," said Jason, "The ladder store is right by the piano store."
"I'm trying to," said Brian, ""Where's the piano store?"
"Its by the Frozen merchandise store," replied Jason, "There's a giant statue of Elsa holding a chainsaw right next to the door. You can't miss it.
"Alright, I think I've got this thing figured out," said Brian. The enormous craft shot forward at the speed of light, crashing through the wall and barreling through the air while creating a sonic boom that blew the moon into Jupiter, giving it a second great red spot. "Aaaauugh!" he screamed, before slamming on the breaks. The sudden stop knocked them all off their feet.
"Ugh, ok, not that fast Brian," said Kayla, "Whoa, is that the Eiffel tower?"
"Yes, it is," said Jake, "Brian, you went way too far. Put this thing in reverse and go back to the mall in New York."
Brian turned a knob and once more pressed the gas pedal. This time, they went backwards much slower. So slow, in fact, that it took them two whole minutes to fly backward across the Atlantic Ocean and through the hole in the wall the had left upon leaving it.
"Ok, now descend and turn ninety degrees to the left," said Jason.
Brian did as he was told and saw the enormous statue of Elsa his friend had spoken of earlier. Two stores down from it was a small shop with thousands of zombies pouring out of it, all carrying ladders.
"Oh, I see," said Brian. He pressed a small black button in front of him. There was a faint humming sound and then a small blast as two proton missiles fired from a cannon located just beneath the cockpit. They all held their breath as they watched the fiery projectiles dart toward the target, hoping they would do their job. Unfortunately, the southwest wind blew strongly before they were halfway to their target, causing them to fly off course into a JCPenney located farther down. There was a bang and a burst of light, followed by the charred remains of clothing flying out what remained of the door.
"The wind's too strong; I'm going to move closer," said Brian. He flew forward again, simultaneously gunning down a dozen zombies with the ship's lasers. When he was twenty yards away from the store, he fired another pair of proton missiles. This time, both flew straight through the door.
"Yes! Got it!" said Brian, "Should we fly back to the second floor?"
"Wait, why isn't anything happening?" asked Abbey. They all waited, listening for the sound and sight of the store exploding, but it never came.
"Ugh, what now?" asked Brian, "You know what? That's really weird. Let me try something." He lowered the Star Destroyer until it was the same level as the store's door, and before the others could object, flew forward straight through the entrance. Once inside, they realized what had gone wrong.
The inside of the store was HUGE! They flew into a vast expanse of space. Ladders were everywhere. Some had wings and were flying around. Others were sitting on benches, chatting with fellow ladder friends. Here and there, they caught sight of a few ladder couples making out with each other. In addition to these strange happenings, there were several large clusters of ladders that took on the form of whirling tornadoes. Ladders were constantly joining and leaving these enormous complexes. Abbey laughed as she watched a group of teenage ladders in the distance playing a game of flag football.
"Wow, that's a really expensive ladder," said Evan, looking at the price tag of one as it drove by in its minivan. It was made completely of gold, with a vast array of jewels decorating its rims.
"Oh my goodness, I want a ladder just like that for my castle in Carthage!" said Anna.
"Where did all these ladders come from?" asked Kayla, "This is ridiculous!"
"That!" said Zack, pointing up ahead at a brilliant point in the distance, "They seem to be coming from there."
Brian stomped on the gas pedal and the Star Destroyer headed off toward whatever it was, meanwhile dodging ladders of all sizes and colors as they headed toward it.
"What is that?!" exclaimed Abbey in bewilderment. None of the folks on board had ever seen anything like it. It was an enormous spinning vortex of of blinding light that was throwing out thousands of ladders a second from deep within.
"Oh my gods and goddesses, how does this not break the law of the conservation of matter?" asked Anna, "Surely the matter to make these ladders cannot be appearing out of nowhere."
"It's a white hole that's been programmed to create ladders," said Evan, "The matter is coming from a black hole in another universe and being spit out of this white hole. As for how a white hole can be programmed in this way, I'm at a loss to explain it."
"Magic!" said Zack, "And very advanced magic at that. Does anyone know how to stop it?"
"Yeah, you just paint it black and it turns into a black hole," said Jason, "I'll do it. I'm artist. Just provide me with the materials."
Immediately, everyone except Brian ran through the Star Destroyer collecting black paint and paintbrushes. Jason then grabbed six large buckets of paint with his hands and 8 paintbrushes between his teeth before opening the door and leaping out toward the white hole. As he neared it, he stuck a foot out to prevent himself from smashing into it face first and began painting.
"I think it's working!" said Zack, "Whew! For a moment I thought we were all screwed."
"Actually, from the looks of it, we still might be screwed," said Abbey, "Or at least Jason might be." They all saw what she was referring to. The ladders, realizing what Jason was trying to do, had stopped their careless loitering about and where now swarming around Jason, ready to dive in for the kill. Jake closed his eyes. Although he had fought in many battles before on the plains of Troy, the sight of Jason being ripped to pieces and battered to a pulp by sentient ladders was just too much for him. Just as they were all convinced Jason was lost to them, the familiar sound of the ships laser rang through the air as Brian began gunning down the ladders.
"Oh, right I forgot about those," said Kayla, "Yay!"
Brian opened the window of the cockpit. "Don't worry Jason, I've got you covered," he called.
"Thanks man!" shouted Jason as he continued to paint with the paintbrushes in his mouth. It took him a little over five minutes for him to cover the entire white hole, turning it into a black hole that now began to suck in all the ladders.
"Why isn't Jason being sucked in as well?" asked Jake.
"The white hole only threw out ladders," said Zack, "So in its black hole form, it makes sense that it would only suck in ladders as well. Either way, we don't have to worry about them anymore."
Kayla opened up the door to the Star Destroyer and threw a rope out to Jason, who used it to pull himself back into the spacecraft. Then, congratulating each other with a job well done, they flew out the door and back to the second floor, which had been completely overrun by zombies while they had been shutting down the ladder store.