A/N: Hello oh lovely readers of mine! Next chapter is up, and I hope you enjoy it. And for all the people who have been begging me for ikarishipping, I have some good news! Remember that plan I keep talking about? Well I'm happy to tell you that the next phase of my plan involves a lot more ikarishipping in a lot more chapters. Basically it'll be more consistent from now on. It might not be the main focus of every chapter, but it will build up more and more as we get closer to the finale. Starting NOW!

Also, let me know what you guys think of the new cover for this story. I've wanted to make a cover for this story for so long, and I finally got around to it! It might take a while to change though according to the site, so keep checking back!

Standard disclaimers apply. I own nothing.

Chapter 36: White Lies

Dawn

"My brain hurts!" May whined as she flopped on my bed. "I hate midterm week!"

"There, there. It's all over now," I comforted her as I opened the door to my closet.

We'd all completed our last midterm that afternoon, so now we were finally free! We were all heading back home for Christmas break tomorrow, and I was still deciding on what I wanted to bring back with me. Two weeks back home meant I'd have to pack clothes for fourteen days, plus all the Christmas presents I'd bought in the city. I was only about halfway through packing, and then of course there were our plans for tonight.

"Thank goodness!" my best friend cried. "I'm so glad we're going home. I'll need to rest my brain for at least a week just to recover from this ordeal."

"I thought you'd be the least glad to be going home," I chimed as I dragged out my smallest suitcase that was half-packed with clothes. "Two whole weeks away from your beloved Drew."

"Wow, you guys weren't kidding when you said you'd tease me about this for the rest of my life were you?" she grumbled as she sat up and glared at me.

"No we were not," I informed her as I left my bag by my dresser. I would have to finish packing after we got back. "Now go wash up so I can do your hair. And bring your dress."

"Yes mom," she droned lazily before she pulled herself off my bed.

Once May had exited the room, I went to the bathroom to start my own beautifying routine. The only one of us who hadn't finished their final exam that afternoon was Leaf. The Emotion gallery was tonight and we were all going for moral support. But there was a dress code for this sort of thing, so we needed to formal it up.

Two hours later, my hair was curled, my make-up was applied and my outfit was on. I had chosen a black, strapless sweet-heart neckline dress with a pink sash at the waist with matching black and pink heels. I'd helped May straighten her angular-bobbed hair and now she had on a one-shoulder rose pink dress and white wedge heels.

"I got a text from Misty," May told me as she checked her phone. "She and Leaf are already there."

"The gallery starts at seven right?" I asked. "We should head down now so we don't have to wait in line."

"You promised we'd walk down with the guys remember?" May reminded me.

"Right…" I sighed in remembrance. "Okay then, let's go see if they're ready to go."

"I wouldn't bet on it," May chided playfully. "Drew takes longer to get ready than you do."

I snatched my black clutch and my purple winter coat from off my bed and turned to face my roommate. "Well then if there's two of us, it'll go even faster. Let's go!"

May got her coat and purse before we exited our dorm room together. We took the stairs down to the fifth floor where all four members of Heroes Flaw lived. I still couldn't believe how much had changed in four months since we started school. Now the year was coming to an end and tonight was the last night I'd get to spend with all my friends until January. May and Leaf would be coming back to Twinleaf with me, but Ash, Misty and Gary would be returning to Kanto, Drew would go back to Hoenn, and Paul would be catching an early train back to Veilstone tomorrow morning.

I remembered the room number from the night I came to deliver Paul's gift. We walked down the hallway to room 515. I reached out my hand calmly, before I started knocking wildly to get the attention of the teenagers who lived inside.

"Dawn, what are you doing!?" May asked as I pounded repeatedly on the door.

"If what you said is true than they'll obviously need a little motivation to let us in!" I explained as I continued to knock.

Suddenly the door swung open and a hand flew out to catch my wrist, stopping me from knocking further. Paul stood on the threshold of the door holding my wrist in his hand, looking mildly irritated.

"What!?" he asked tiredly.

"We've gotta get going!" I exclaimed as I pushed my way past him into his living room. "Where's Drew? Is he ready yet?"

"What happened to meeting in the lobby?" Paul asked as May came in as well.

I put my hands on my hips and turned on my heel to face him again. "Well we're ready to go now. So we came to move things along."

"What is with all the noise!?" Drew emerged from his room while simultaneously tightening his tie. He spotted May and his smile instantly widened. "Oh, May's here. Now all the noise makes sense."

"Hey, for your information I wasn't even the one being loud," she pointed out. "But if I'd known all it took to pull you away from your mirror was yelling at you, than I would have."

"Hey, perfection takes time!" Drew immediately went to May's side. "But I suppose if it's you then I don't mind."

He kissed her cheek, causing May to giggle happily. I sighed in content, basking in their adorable happiness.

It looked like Drew was ready enough though. He wore beige dress pants with a white button-up shirt and a navy blue blazer and tie. But when I switched my gaze to the other one, I almost hit myself.

Paul looked the same as he always did! I seriously wondered what good the guys were if they never even bothered to inform Paul about any of the dress code rules. His black pants weren't jeans at least, which was a start, and he wore a black button-up shirt with his leather jacket over top. But it was all wrong for going to an art gallery.

"You've got to be kidding," I sighed.

"Problem, Troublesome?" Paul asked, raising his eyebrow in question.

"You aren't ready at all! You can't possibly go looking like that!" I informed him.

"Why does it matter?" he asked, sounding bored.

"Because," I added informatively, "You need to dress a certain way for these kinds of events. The way you're dressed now, they wouldn't even let you in the front door! You need to change, quickly!"

"Sorry Troublesome," he jeered. "But you'll have to take me as is. I don't own formal attire."

I groaned out loud. "You're hopeless." I turned around and made my way to the hallway beside the living room. "Drew, I'm borrowing your room!" I yelled behind me.

"Wait, what?" I heard Drew reply from the other room, sounding confused.

I opened the first door on the right side of the hallway and found my friends room. The walls were white and the bed was neatly made with a forest green blanket. I walked over to what I assumed was the closet.

Drew was shorter than Paul by a few inches, but they were roughly the same build. I knew there had to be something in here that would be big enough and appropriate enough for me to work with. Eventually I found a black suit jacket that was wider in the shoulders and across the chest than the others. Its lapels were made of a shiny material, similar to satin. I took it out of the closet and turned to the tie rack inside the closet door.

Drew had been brought up in a wealthy family, so it was no surprise he knew the importance of formal neckwear. He had a rainbow of ties hanging on the rack, so I had full authority to pick what I liked. Right away, I spied a violet and grey diagonally striped tie near the top of the rack and snatched it as well. I stole a tie clip from off the dresser and exited the grass-haired boy's room.

I walked back into the living room with my head held high, proud of my once again flawless fashion sense. I held the items out to the stoic teenager expectantly.

"Here. This will have to do."

Paul looked at the clothes like I'd gone mad. "Not happening."

"It IS happening! If you wanna go to Leaf's gallery then you need to dress the part. There ARE rules at this school you know. You're gonna have to get used to dressing like this if you're going to stay at this school. "

Paul rolled his eyes, but I stood my ground. I think he knew I wasn't going to let this one go, because faster than I was expecting he would, he let out a defeated sigh.

"Fine. Whatever you say," he grunted as he shrugged off his leather jacket.

I smiled in victory as he took the suit jacket from me and pulled it on instead. His shirt was still untucked, and he didn't have pants or a vest to match, but it was progress.

"It's a little snug…" I observed. "But it'll have to do until you get your own. Now this," I held out the striped tie.

"Oh yeah, because I wear those all the time," he stated sarcastically.

"Just put it on!" I demanded.

"Don't know how Troublesome," he replied, as if he were repeating himself.

I exhaled sharply, struggling to maintain my composure at this point. "Fine. You really are hopeless."

I stepped forward and wrapped the purple tie around the back of his throat for him. My fingers worked seamlessly weaving the fabric in and out of itself as I tied the proper knot. I tightened it at last and attached the clip, straightening the collar of his black shirt lastly. The perfectionist in me was finally satisfied with the end result.

"There!" I looked up at him. "Now you look somewhat decent."

I hadn't realized while I was obsessing, but now that I was done I became very aware of how close we were. Paul didn't seem to mind though as he stared down at me blankly. But whenever he looked like that it was impossible to tell what he was thinking. I jumped back suddenly to put a comfortable distance between us.

"Can we go now, Troublesome?" Paul asked in his same monotone voice.

"Oh, um yes," I stuttered somewhat nervously.

"Good," Drew spoke up. "Let's go get Gary and Ash then."

Drew and May exited the room first while Paul and I followed behind. I couldn't stop myself from appreciating my work though and continued to glance back at Paul. It was also true that I'd never seen him in anything except his usual black jeans and t-shirt. I concluded that he cleaned up well when you could force him to.

We took a short walk down the hall to room 503. Paul pounded on the door thrice and we waited for the guys to emerge. A moment later, our raven-haired friend opened the door.

"Hey guys!" Ash greeted in surprise. "Weren't we gonna meet in the lobby?"

"Talk to the girls, this wasn't our idea," Paul answered him.

"Hey!" May and I articulated at the same time.

"Who's at the door!?" Gary called from the back.

"It's the guys!" Ash yelled back.

"I thought we were meeting in the lobby!" Gary yelled.

"WOULD YOU GUYS JUST LET IT GO ALREADY!?" I screamed into the apartment.

"Relax Miss Berlitz," Gary insisted as he came into sight. "It doesn't matter either way to me."

I scowled at him indifferently, but my gaze turned questioning as I observed him slipping something into the pocket of his dress pants. He did it too fast for me to see, but it looked to be some sort of small box.

"Well?" Gary exclaimed. "Are we going or not?"

Ash and Gary came to stand in the hall with us as the door to their room shut behind them. From there we six headed off to the elevator, where our last night at HPAA for the year was just about to begin.

Leaf

"Stop fidgeting already!" Misty ordered from beside me. "You look fine."

I absentmindedly pulled at the hem of my dress as I stood with Misty in the center of the academy gallery. The walls were a mixture of white plaster and glass, and at the moment they were brimming with art students from all grades.

"I wouldn't be fidgeting if you'd let me wear my own clothes."

"You didn't have anything formal," Misty shrugged.

Apparently Dawn and Misty had conspired against me in order to make me meet the dress code standards. Formal attire was mandatory when presenting your display at the gallery, but that didn't mean I had to like it. The dress Dawn had lent to me was knee-length and a bright scarlet color with a V-shaped neckline. I'd pinned my hair so that most of it fell in waves over the right side of my neck, hiding my scar in the process.

"Did you guys need to pick red?" I asked pleadingly.

"Hey, I did the best I could on short notice," Misty concluded.

"I stick out like a sore thumb," I mumbled self-consciously.

"Ah-ah, no saying stuff like that!" Misty scolded as she put her hand on my shoulder. "I'm not gonna see you for two whole weeks. I don't want your negativity bringing down our last night with everyone."

I straightened up. She was right of course, it was just a dress and it was our last night to spend with everyone before the holidays. I couldn't let my insecurities get the better of me tonight. I took a deep breath, letting go of all the strain in my muscles.

"Okay!' I conceded. "I'll do my best to be positive!"

"That's the spirit!" Misty encouraged.

What she didn't know was that it was easier said than done. I didn't want to let my anxiety win out, especially tonight when I was being graded on my presentation. But it was progressively getting harder and harder to block out those insipid voices inside my head, telling me I wasn't good enough. Although recently, the regular voices had been taking a back seat to a new presence whispering in my ear.

That Amber girl. I couldn't seem to stop replaying that night at Verity Hall inside my head. After some deliberation it was clear that she'd only targeted me because I was in her way of getting to Gary. And although I still hated myself for leaving Gary with her last week, I didn't think there was anything I could have done differently in that situation. She'd hit all the right buttons, and I had been helpless to stop her.

"Hey there Misty!"

We both turned to see who had spoken, and I recognized the guy from that very night at Verity Hall. Dawn had told me his name was Rudy, and he was making his way over to where Misty and I were standing.

"Hey Rudy!" Misty greeted cheerily. "What are you doing here?"

"I always check out all big nights for the different programs," he informed her. "How about you?"

"I'm here for my friend," Misty informed him, pointing to me. "Rudy, this is Leaf. She's got some pieces on display in the gallery."

"It's very nice to meet you," he greeted me kindly.

"Nice to meet you too," I replied politely.

"You both look lovely," he complimented.

Misty was wearing formal attire as well, but she had still managed to get out of wearing a dress. She wore black dress-pants with a royal blue blouse and a white suit jacket.

"Where are your projects on display?" Rudy asked me directly.

"Oh, there over on the far wall," I pointed in the general direction.

"Well I'll definitely go take a look." Rudy turned his attention to Misty. "Would you like to come with me?"

"Oh, I don't know…" Misty spoke unsurely. "I don't want to leave Leaf alone."

"Well Leaf, you're welcome to come along. That way we'll surely find the right projects."

I looked questioningly between them. Rudy was polite while inviting me along, but it was obvious he wanted some alone time with my red-headed friend. Misty hadn't said anything to me yet, but it was clear that she and Rudy had become friendly with each other. I didn't feel right shipping them off together on their own when I still considered Ash the front runner for Misty's affection, but I also didn't have any definitive proof that they would be getting together anytime soon. Could I really play the third wheel just to support a relationship that might not even happen?

"You two should go," I ended up saying. "I want to wait for the others, but you guys don't have to stay with me. Go enjoy the gallery!"

"Really?" Misty blurted, sounding surprised. "This is our last night together though…"

"I'll come find you guys after the others get here," I assured her. "Go enjoy the art, we'll hang out later. I promise."

"Okay…" she trailed off as she let Rudy pull her away into the crowd.

I watched them go solemnly, doubts about my decision fresh in my mind. "She won't wait around forever," I whispered to myself. "You better hurry up Ash."

"Hurry up with what?"

I jumped as the familiar voice spoke up behind me. Low and behold, it was the raven-haired friend I'd just been thinking about, smiling like nothing was wrong.

"Ash, don't scare me like that!" I choked out as I tried to catch my breath and mask my regret.

"Sorry, but we've been looking all over for you."

I breathed heavily as my five other friends came to stand behind him.

"Wow Leaf!" Dawn gushed. "You look great! Do I have great taste or what?"

I held back an eye-roll. "Uh…sure," I maintained, not commenting on the outlandish color.

"Huh? Where's Misty" Ash asked. "She came down with you right?"

I froze in panic. I knew that admitting I'd sent her off with some guy would not get the best reaction. I smiled nonchalantly and replied as calmly as I could.

"You just missed her," I remarked. "She went to go walk around. She got bored just standing in the same place while we were waiting for you guys."

Ash just stared at me blankly. I was mildly scared that he'd see though my lie, but I held firm. It was Ash Ketchum after all, the boy born without a sense of doubt.

I relaxed when he rolled his eyes and smirked. "And she calls me impatient."

I breathed a quiet sigh of relief.

"Well I AM impatient!" May chimed in. "I want to go see your art already! I wanna see what three weeks on caffeine looks like!"

"Ha-ha, you're hilarious," I replied sarcastically. "Follow me, it's this way."

We wove our way through the crowd slowly, me secretly hoping that Misty and Rudy had moved on by the time we got there. I breathed another sigh of relief when I didn't see either of them near the display.

"Here they are!" I announced.

Hanging on the cream wall were four, different sized canvases suspended in a row. The one on the far left end was hung horizontally. It was the largest of the canvases. On it was a depiction of a stone monument in the middle of a forest. The main colors used were different shades of green and brown. Next to it was a skinny canvas hung vertically. The painting on it was of a chocolate brown violin leaning against the outside paneling of a house. The third painting in the middle of the row depicted a crystal blue lake, reflecting the sun in colors of pink and gold on its surface. The last canvas was perfectly square, and the picture on its surface was that of a colorful blooming garden. Flowers of every shape and color surrounded a white, intricately designed garden table with a matching set of chairs. Every painting was done in a mixture of acrylic and oil paint, and they were all as colorful as they were beautiful.

I was proud of how they turned out. After all, I'd only had three weeks to do them so it had definitely taken some late nights and a lot of coffee to get them finished in time. Personally I was glad to only be doing one major from now on. These past three weeks were exhausting, and doing two majors used to make me this tired all the time.

"How do you do it!?" May asked incredulously. "If I'd had to put money on it, I never would have bet that you'd finish in time!"

"Thanks May. Encouraging…" I dead-panned.

"Just because you couldn't have done it in time doesn't mean it's impossible for everyone Sunshine," Drew teased, earning a half-hearted glare from his girlfriend.

"They're beautiful!" Dawn congratulated. "You are totally gonna get a good grade!"

"Thanks Dawn," I thanked her.

My friends stuck around for a while longer, talking a lot and making me smile. I felt at ease with them close by. Almost enough so to make me forget about Amber and her friends a few nights ago.

"I've got to stay here for when my teacher comes around," I explained to them. "But you guys don't have to stay. You should look at the rest of the gallery."

"You sure?" Dawn questioned.

I nodded my head. "I'll be right here."

And so again, I watched as my group of friends faded into the crowd in different directions. I took a deep breath to calm myself before turning back to my paintings. I noticed right away that not all my friends had taken my advice.

"Gary?" I said tentatively. He was still standing there, looking at my paintings with a serious expression on his face.

"What's wrong?" I tried again. "You don't have to stay you know."

He didn't answer me right away, confusing me further. He just kept staring at the wall that displayed my art. It was starting to worry me since Gary wasn't known to be the quiet type.

"I recognize these…" he eventually said.

I looked away from him towards the paintings. I stared at them sadly while listening to him continue.

"These are places…back in Pallet town."

I nodded my head silently. Each scene on the canvases I could picture so clearly in my mind. The theme was Importance, and Gary had been the one who helped me interpret it, so I didn't think he'd be surprised to recognize the places depicted in our shared memories.

The garden with the white table and chairs was the one at his grandfather's house. The lake was the one we always played at on nice days. The violin I would always carelessly lean against anything nearby instead of putting in its proper case. And the forest with the stone marker…the cemetery. The one we visited once every year.

"This is what's really important to you?" he asked questioningly, like he wasn't expecting it.

"Yes. You said so yourself remember?" I inquired. "If we were still kids than you could give me a list of things that were important to me."

"It looks just like them…I can't believe you still remember them so clearly."

I closed my eyes softly. "I had a lot of practice."

"Huh?" Gary articulated.

I felt my chest constrict. This was dangerous territory we were entering, but at the moment I didn't care. I tightened my hands into fists to relieve some of my tension.

"…When I was a kid…after I moved away," I started cautiously. "I used to draw places that I remembered around Pallet Town. It made me feel…less lonely, I guess. Closer to home…"

I could feel Gary's eyes on me as I continued to stare straight ahead. I knew I'd feel them even if he were a mile away.

"You know," he said. "You could have called."

The intake of breath I took was sharp like broken glass. In my own ears it sounded strangled, and the noise made me want to shrink down to a molecular size and disappear.

"Or written," he suggested, trying to sound light-hearted. "You could have contacted us in any way…so why didn't you?"

I felt the tremors before they started, deep in my bones. It was the same feeling of fragility I got when Amber was so rude to me. It made me feel flimsy and I hated it. I hated this feeling of weakness because it only succeeded in making me remember the strength I used to have. It made me feel like I would shake myself apart.

"I…I…" I trailed off. "It…it was better that way."

"Better for who?"

I wrapped my arms around myself to try and stop the visible shaking. To anyone else it would look like I was cold, not in the middle of breaking down. Pull yourself together, I demanded myself. Don't think about it. Push it down…

I felt something heavy drape over my shoulders. I looked down at myself and saw a grey suit jacket now over-top of my red dress. I looked over at Gary, who was now missing his jacket, curiously.

"I already told you, I hate it when you look sad," he reminded me. "Nowadays you always seem to look sad. Which is a real shame."

I turned my body to face him, never breaking eye contact. Not once during this whole conversation had he reverted back to his stranger self, the cocky flirt who always got on my nerves. Right now he was just Gary, and he was doing a really good job of convincing me that he was for real.

"Gary…I…"

I wanted so many things. I wanted to forget the past and go back to the way I used to be. I wanted to be the kind of girl who could be honest and strong. The girl who wasn't afraid to try and fail, then get back up and try again. I wanted to stop hiding from the world and start living in it again.

And having him here with me, made me feel as if all those things I wanted were possible. As long as Gary was here, I felt like everything would be okay. Like it was before.

"I want-"

"GARY!"

And it was like déjà vu. That same head of auburn hair, those same blue eyes, that same flirtatious smile, coming out of nowhere to interrupt our moment. I knew then that she was doing this on purpose.

"Melody!? What are you doing!?' Gary shouted in surprise as she attached herself to his arm.

"What's the matter?" Melody replied cheerfully. "You've never minded before when I greeted you like this."

"Melody," a new, familiar voice chimed in. "I think you might be interrupting something."

Giselle walked over to Melody's side, her brown eyes as condescending as ever. I mentally cringed at the thought of having to deal with them again, but at the very least it didn't look like Amber was with them,

"Gary, do you want to walk around the gallery with us?" Melody asked.

"We would appreciate the company," Giselle added.

"Well, I was kind of in the middle of something-" Gary tried to say.

"Please Gary!" Melody begged. "Just for a little while?"

I glared at them in suspicion. Something was not right about this situation at all. It was obvious that they were trying to distract Gary, but to what end? It was their friend Amber who seemed the most interested in Gary the other night, so what would distancing him from me now accomplish?

I sighed and shook my head. It didn't matter either way. Their presence was starting to give me a headache and it was obvious that Gary wasn't going to straight up tell them to leave.

"It's alright," I told him, gaining his attention. "We can talk later."

"Are you sure?" he asked, slightly surprised.

"Yeah."

Gary squinted in determination suddenly. "Hey, after the shows over, let's walk back to the dorm together."

"Okay," I agreed, smiling reassuringly.

"Promise?" he asked.

I only hesitated for a moment. "I promise."

After that, it was impossible for him to fight off Melody and Giselle as they pulled him away into the crowd. He held my gaze for as long as he could before the other people swallowed him up.

"How sweet," I heard from behind me. I whipped around and my emerald eyes met topaz. "You two really do go back, don't you?"

My breath caught in my throat at the sight of Amber. I'm so stupid. I should've known.

"What do you want?" I asked hastily.

"Well that's kind of a rude way to greet someone. Especially after I came all the way down here to see your show," she responded. She glanced towards the paintings on the wall. "Very quaint by the way."

"Did you…?" I glanced back in the direction Gary had disappeared in. "Did you make them do all that?"

"It wasn't my plan, believe me," she sighed. "But I needed to talk to you alone somehow, and from what I hear that Gary Oak never could say no to a couple of pretty girls."

I pulled Gary's jacket tighter around my shoulders, feeling slightly more protected. I may not have gotten a word in when Amber and I talked last, but now was not the time to tremble in fear. If she wanted to talk to me, then I'd oblige.

"Nice dress by the way," she added condescendingly. "Red is a cute color on you."

"What did you want to talk to me about?" I asked in confusion, ignoring her jeer at my clothes.

"Well, it's about a common interest," Amber explained, flipping her blonde hair over her shoulder. Her pure white goddess-style dress swayed with the action. "You see, I've heard the rumors about Gary Oak. Biggest player in school, dating a different girl every week, blah blah blah. Up until recently I assumed that's all there was to him."

She turned and met my gaze again. "But you know better than that, don't you?"

I flinched away from her Persian-like gaze. It was if I was a Rattata and she was playing with her food.

"Let me be frank Leaf," she purred. "I like Gary. He's funny, smart, talented, good-looking. He's basically the perfect guy besides his obvious fear of commitment. But I think there's a way to get over that last obstacle, and I'm not the type of person who's patient enough for him to just give up already."

"What are you getting at?" I asked, getting fed up with her little story.

She narrowed her eyes at me, reminding me who the predator was in this situation. "It's you Leaf. You're the obstacle."

I gasped, not used to being confronted so bluntly about my situation.

"And don't play dumb," she commanded in her overly-sweet voice. "Gary told me all about your little friendship that night at Verity Hall."

"You're lying…!" I accused her.

"Then how else would I know?" she asked. "Other than the fact that it's completely obvious after watching him with you. The way he looks at you is like watching a love-sick Luvdisc. But you know what else is obvious?"

I turned away from her, refusing to look at her as she dissected my life so easily.

"It's obvious that you're stringing him along."

I whipped back around, suddenly furious at this conceded girl who thought she could just walk in here and accuse me of such a thing.

"No! I'm not!"

"Spare me the sob story," she heaved a sigh of boredom. "Because I really don't care what your baggage is. But don't tell me that you don't see it too. You know how he feels about you and you're ignoring it. You think you can have it both ways? That you can keep him around as your friend and not hurt him even though you know he wants more?"

I felt my chest tighten in denial. I didn't want to believe her. I wanted to explain, but I couldn't force the words to come.

"You're hurting him more by hanging on to him. The kindest thing you can do for him is to just let him go, so he can finally get over you and start having real relationships. And I have every intention of giving him one. But as long as you're in the way, he'll never move on. And even though you might not like me very much for being blunt, you know I'm right."

I felt my head drop. I stared at the ground in confusion. Was it true? Was I hurting him more by keeping him around? I wanted us to be friends but…was that enough for him?

No. Of course not. I knew he wanted more, but I also knew I couldn't give him any more of myself than I had already. There was nothing more to give. I'd lost so much already…I'd already lost him once before and I didn't want to go through that again but…

Was Amber right? Would it be kinder to let him go? To cut ties with him, so there would be no more false hope and he could find real happiness? Up until now, I had believed that everything would be okay as long as he was in my life. But…maybe it wouldn't be for him.

"Think about it for yourself," Amber said before she walked away.

And so I was left alone. With nothing but my own thoughts, debating what would be the kindest thing to do.

It was snowing when the gallery ended.

I waited near the entrance, watching the falling snow coat the already white ground. I'd seen the others pass by a while ago, but I'd told them to go ahead without me. I'd promised Gary we'd walk home together, even if it might be for the last time.

"Hey!"

I looked over my shoulder at his voice. He looked relieved to see me, but seeing him only filled me with guilt. Amber's words wouldn't leave me alone.

"Sorry about earlier," he apologized.

"Its fine," I replied emotionlessly. I handed him back his jacket, now that I had my own winter one protecting me from the chill. "Shall we go?"

"Uh, sure."

We stepped out into the freezing air. It was almost comforting, the chill of winter. The season where everything sleeps and starts again. The season of endings…

We walked in silence for some time. I wanted this moment with him to last forever. I didn't know what to do, but I knew I didn't want him to leave me. Even though it might be kinder to let him go, I selfishly wanted to keep him. But I knew that wasn't fair.

"Hey, hang on for a minute," he spoke up, stopping me from continuing. I refused to meet his eyes, knowing I wouldn't be able to refuse them.

"I kind of had ulterior motives when I asked if we could walk back together," he admitted. "So do me a favor, close your eyes and hold out your hand."

"What?" I asked, confusion lacing my tone.

"Just do it Green," he said.

I stared at his chest doubtfully, but since it was the night before we left tomorrow and I wouldn't be seeing him again for two weeks, I decided to humor him.

"You better not try anything," I mumbled warningly. He just laughed at me as I closed my eyes and held my hand out as instructed.

I was wearing gloves to protect my hands from the frigid air, but I was still able to feel him slip something around my wrist. The metal hit my skin where the leather ended and gave me a jolt of cold.

"Okay, look now."

I opened my eyes hesitantly. I pulled my hand back to get a better view of it, and ended up just staring dumbly at the item hanging off my arm.

It was gold in color, with large links in its chain. Three charms hung off the loose ring of metal in the same gold color. One was a guitar, one was an intricately constructed leaf, and the last one was a heart. It was just a simple charm bracelet, but to me it was more beautiful than anything. And it made my heart hurt even more.

"Merry, early Christmas," he smiled sincerely. "Since I won't see you 'till January and all."

I touched the metal with my other gloved hand, feeling nothing but numbness. I tilted my head down so that my bangs covered eyes. Amber was right about one thing…Gary was the best guy I'd ever known. He was cocky and teasing, but he also cared in his own way. He was bold, compassionate, funny, and strong. In all these years he's become more than he was while I'd become less of what I used to be.

I turned away from him, my eye stinging with unshed tears. I hated my cowardice at not being able to face him.

"Whenever I'm with you… I feel like something inside me is breaking," I admitted.

Your stringing him along…it would be kinder to let him go…you can't have it both ways.

"What do you mean?" he questioned.

Something inside me knew that going forward from here meant I couldn't go back. But I knew there were only two paths left ahead of me now. To leave him or to stay with him. Things couldn't stay the way they were. I knew what he wanted, but I'd always hoped he would move on by himself. I never imagined that I'd have to be the one to push him towards someone else.

"I know you hate it when I'm sad…but I just can't help it. No matter how many times I try and pretend like everything's okay…it's not."

"Why isn't it?" I heard him come closer, if only a little.

I tightened my grip around the bracelet, feeling sick. "Because you want more from me than I can give you."

I let the words sink in with the drifting snow before I felt strong enough to go on.

"I really thought we could do it. I told myself that it could be just like it was, and we could be friends again and everything would be okay. But that was a lie," I choked out.

"Hold on," he stated. "You're not making sense."

"I wanted to be friends again," I clarified. "But we can't be and I see that now. You deserve more than that…more than me."

"Shouldn't I be the one who decides what I deserve?" he asked, walking around to stand in front of me again. I refused to meet his eyes, my resolve already weakening.

"What you want and what you deserve are two different things," I wove the words together. White lies masked to look like the darkest truth.

"I don't understand."

I met his gaze with dampened eyes. "Gary…I don't have anything left to give."

I want him to be happy, I decided. That's always been the most important thing to me. For him to be happy. But to give him that, I can't be a part of his life. I can't be selfish anymore. I owe him that happiness, even if he ends up hating me for it.

"I don't believe you," he told me. "And I don't understand why you think of yourself this way. Why can't you just talk to me?"

"I can't!" I forced the words out like I was forcing a wound to bleed. The speech cut my throat as it made its way out of my mouth. "We're not kids anymore Gary. I'm not the person I was and neither are you. And I can't force a connection that's no longer there!"

"What are you-?"

"I don't want this! We can't keep pretending we're friends because we used to be back then, and I can't be anything more to you than I already am. We're not friends... we're just strangers. And that's all we'll ever be," I spat the words out like venom, hating myself as I forced him to hate me too.

"I don't want to see you anymore," I finished.

I pushed my ways past him and walked hastily into the darkness of night. I let the tears burn down my face silently as I made my way through the unfeeling cold, wishing that the ice and snow could make me become numb on the inside as well as the out.

To be selfless or selfish was the choice I'd always had to make. And I always picked the former. No matter how much I wanted to turn around and take everything I'd said back, I had picked my path now and there was no changing it. Making him hate me, was the only way he'd move on. Even though I wanted him to stay, he would never be truly happy with the small part of myself I could give him. And his happiness was more important to me than what I wanted.

"Be happy Gary," I wished upon the starless sky. "If you can find happiness, then maybe someday I'll be able to forgive myself."

Another lie I tucked inside my heart, to keep it from splitting open even more than it already had.

Gary

I felt numb. Just like the day she left the first time. I could see her so clearly. The green eyed girl who told me she'd never forget me before she drove out of my life forever. She'd been crying that day too. Today her tears had been different, but they still broke my heart all the same.

Never in a million years had I ever thought I'd hear those words come out of Leaf Green, but now they wouldn't stop echoing around me. It had been as close to a rejection as I could get, considering I hadn't even verbally asked her out. My Leaf, my oldest friend, the girl I wanted more than anyone else, had called me a stranger. As if all the years we'd spent apart had made us different people entirely.

Well, she wasn't wrong.

I felt something close inside of me. Like a door, shutting and locking itself indefinitely. Leaf, the girl I trusted completely even after being apart for four years, had betrayed me again. Had broken me again. The skin on my bones felt too tight, like it was hardening into armor. To protect myself from further hurt, just like it had when I watched her walk away the first time.

She'd made her choice. Truthfully I'd had no idea that she was capable of such cruelty, but I guess there was a darkness inside all of us.

But if Leaf thought she knew true cruelty, then she hadn't seen anything yet.

A/N: Don't hate me oldrivalshippers. It's all part of the plan. If you couldn't tell, the oldrivalshipping story-line is going to be pretty angsty, but its necessary in order for Leaf to be able to confront all her insecurities. Don't worry, they'll still be plenty of oldrival moments. Seems like Amber and Rudy are making some headway in their inter-fearing with the main ships though. Tell me what you guys think will happen next! Until next time lovely readers!